1 ifflMu HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher. \ r OL. VIII. ppming Senwrrat. A Democratic weekly t)iler devoted t<> ■ oil L lioScWf, the Arts fj' '' ** \.\p aril science* Ac. I'us- -J fl ' J iay, at Tunkhannock BY HARVEY SICKLER IVrnis 1 copy 1 year, in advance) >2,00; if n .t paid witbin fix uioutko, 62.50 will be charged NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all are rearajp-'re paid; unless at the option of pnbli KATES OF ADVERTISING TK! LIVES COVSTITirre A SLTCARE. One square one or three insertions -Sl-50 Every subsequent insertion less than 8 50 KKALESTATE, PKRSOSAL PROPERTY, and GEIIBBAL ADVERTISING, US may be agreed upon. PATENT MEDICINES and other advertisements oy the column : One column, 1 year, ®OO Half column, 1 year Third column, 1 year, •Fourth column, 1 year, Itusiness Cards of one square or less, per year , with paper, *B. Tv- EDITORIAL or LOCAL ITEM advertising-with outAdvertisement-15 its. per line. Liberal terms luade with permanent advertisers. EXECUTORS, ADMINISTRATORS andALDI rOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, *2,50 * OBITUARIES,- exceeding ten lines, each ; REL- GlOUSand LITERARY NOTICES, not of general Merest, one half the regular rates. Advertisements must be han led in hy TUKS AY Noos, to insure insertion the same week. don WORK fall kin Is neatly executed and at prices to suit the times. All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB WORK must be paid for, when ordered Business Notices. I ITTUS A BITNEB ATTORNEYS. Udiee XJ on Warren Street Tunkhannock P a - W. K. LITTLE. J - J,ITTSEE " I r S. COOPER, RHTSICIAR A SBMIOI t1 . Newton Centre. Luzerne County Pa. 01., I'AKBISsII. ATTORNEY AT LAW. • Offi-e at the Court House, in Tutikkanock Wyoming Co. Pa r>V. M. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW of fice in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk nannock, Pa cjr j CHASE, ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL" 1 x LOU AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co", Pa Especial attention given to settlement of dece dent's estates Jbchalm, Pa., Dec. 5, Mj, wll >o x . ATTORNEY AT LAW Coi • lecting and Real Estate Agent. lowa Lands for sale. Scranton, Pa. _ U " / VSTERHOUT A DEWIXT, Attorneys' at Law— V.X Office, opposite the Bank, Tunkhannock, la. P M. OsTERHOUT. O. B. DEW I rr T w, RHOAD*,PHYBICIAN k SURGEON, J . will attend promptly to all calls in his pro fession. May be found at his at the Drug Store, or lit his residence on Putman Sreet, formerly occupied A - Peekhatn Esq. OR. E. F. AVERY'SESp; DENTAL OFFICE. r Over Burn s Bros., Jewelry Store. Tunkhannock, Pa. All tho various styles of Dental work scientifically .lone and warranted. Particular attention given to straightening irregular or deficient teeth. Kvimlnatfonp made, and advice given without charge. Ethereal Spray administered when desired. < liloroform administered under direction ola Physi cian. The advantages of employing a local and re sponsible dentist are apparent to all. vsni.it. Prof. J. Berlinghof. iasijionublc Barber & i)air-Cuttrr, AT TUNKHANNOCK, PA. HAIR Woven, and Braided, for Switches, or Curled, an 1 Waterfalls of every size and style, manufactur ed to order. , The highest market prices paid for Ladies Hair. All tiie approved kinds of Hair Resmrers and DrisHng constantly kept on hand and sold at Man u i. Mirer.- retail prices. Hair and Whisker, colored to every natural JACOB BEKMNGHOF. Tank., l'a. Jan. 5, *69—v3n22-tf, PACIFIC HOTEL, 170, 172, 174 A 176 Greenwich Street. ("SK DOOBABOVB COBTLAXDT STREET, NEW YORK.) TL • unpersigned takes pleasure in announcing to lis numerous friends and patrons that from this date, the charge of the Pacific will tie $2.50 FEB DAY. Being de Proprietor of this house, and therefore free from tho too common exaction of an Inordinate n at. he is iully able to meet the downward tenden cy ••! price without any tailing ofl of service. Ii will now, as here tof Die, be his aim to maintain undimished the favorable reputation of the Pacifie, whi ii it has enjoyed lor many years, as one of the best of travelers' hotels. .. , THE I'ABLE will be bountifully supplied with tvi rv delicacy of the season. " THE ATTENDANCE will be found efficient and an t odliging. . . , THE LOCATION will be found convenient for ti.nse whose business calls them in tho lower part of tee citv, and of ready access to all Kail Koad and Steamboat Lines. * • JOHN PATTEN. Oct 10th 18GS. nlB-6m. ILUFFORD HOUSE. TUNKHANNOCK. WYOMING CO., FA THUS ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY 1 been refitted and iurnished in the latest style. ioery attention will he given to the comfort nnd ronvenitni'e of those who patronize the House. 11, HUFFORD. Proprietor. Tunkhannock, Pa., June 17, 1868.—7n44. BOLTON HOUSE. UAUKISHUftQe PKNN'A. The undersigned having lately purchaeed the ! ' Ist EfILER HOUSE " property, has already com- j ai'mced such alterations and improvements as will rtnler this old and popular House equal, if not gupe- ; ti'ir, to any Hotel in the City of Uarrisburg. A continuance of the public patronage is refpect faily solicited. GEO. J. BOLTON WALL'S HOTEL, LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/ r bN KHAN NOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. I'HI- e' ibiishment has recently been refitted an 1 tarnished in ibe latest style. Every attention ' ♦* :ven to th aorafort an'! convenience ot those * * 4 > p i'roniie !hr Houe. T. 15. WALL, Ownej moJ Proprietor . , U:j khannock, September 11, 1861 TUNKHANNOCK WYOMING CO., PA. -WEDNESDAY, MARCH. 10,1869. The new Broom still new! AND WITH THE NEW YEAR, Will be used with inoro sweeping effect than hereto fore,by large additions from time to time, of Choice ann desirable GOODS, at the New Store OF C DETRICK, in S. Stark's Bri;k Block AT TUNKHANNOCK, PANN'A. Where can be 'ound, at all times, one ol the Largest and Richest assortments cvr offered in this vicinity, „ Consisting of BLACK AND FANCY COL'RD DRESS .SILKS, FRENCH, ENGLISH and AMERICAN MERINOS, EMPRESS AND PRINCESS CLOTHS, POPLINS, SERGES, and PAREMETTOS, BLACK LI'SHE AND COLORED ALPACCAS WOOL. ARMURE, PEKfN AND MOUSELIEU DELAINS, INPORTED i AND DOMESTIC GINGHAMS, PRINTS of Best Manufactures, Ladies Cloths and Saequeings, FURS, SIIAWLS, FANCY WOOLEN GOODS, A;C., LADIES RETICULES, SHOPPING BAGS and BASKETS. TRUNKS, VALISES, and TRAVELING BAGS, Hosiery and Gloves, Ladies' Vests, White Goods, and Yamkee notions iu endless va riety. UOOPSKIRTS & CVRSETTS, direct frorti the manufacturers, at greatly reduced prices. FLANNELS all Colors and Qualities KNIT GOODS, Cloths, Cassimercs, Vestings, Cottouades, Sheetings, Shirtings, Drills. Denims, Ticks, Stripes, &c. Every Description of < BOOTS & SHOES, i IIATS & CAPS. I Paper Hangings, Window Shades, Cur- - tains, Curtain Fixtures, Carpets, Oil- 1 Cloths, Crockery, Glass and Stoneware. Tinware, Made expressly for this trade, and war- f laided to give Satisfaction, at 20 per cent.- 1 cheaper than the usual rates in this section. 1 HARDWARE & CUTLERY, of all , kinds, t SILVER PLATED WARE, 1 • t Paints, Oils, and Painters Materials, } Putty, Window Glass, Ac. J' y I KEROSENE 'OIL, ' Chandeliers, j Lamps, i Lanterns, ( Lantern Glares, ' c Lamp Chimneys, ( Shades and 1 Curuers. ( COAL, ASHTON, 4- DHL SALT FLOUR, FEED, ] MEAL, . . BUTTER, 1 CHEESE, j LARD, * • PORK. HAMS, and FISH. , SUGAR, TEA, 1 COFFEE SPICES, SYRUP, A MOLASSES, , WOOD & WILLOW WARE, ROPES, CORDAGE, PATENT MEDICINES, DRUGS, and DYES, FLAVORING EXTRACTS, Ac., Ac, These goods have been selected with great care to suit the wants of this community, and will be sold as heretofore, at the lowest living rates for cash or exchanged for country produce at market prices. Thankful for the past liberal patronage, I shall i endeavor by strict attention to my business, to merit a continuance ot the same, and will try to make the future still more attractive and ben eficial to customers. C. DETRICK. I ' jgtfrg- HOME. . j BY MRS. SIOOIRNKY. 8 i ! "Better is the life of a poor man, in i j mean cottage, than delicate fare in anothej ; man's house."—Eccs. I saw them by their wintry urc, The children gathering round their sire; j The cheerful blaze, with flickering light, Rov'd dancing o'er their features bright, And nought like care for pomp or show Commingled with that ruddy glow; Their simple fare was what the land 1 Yields to the farmer's toiling hand; While health and sweet contentment's grace Ilea mod forth from every form and face. But some they are, unwisely led By sloth, to eat another's bread, Inured to bear, like flaming chart, Dependence, written on their heart. To envious eyes, perchance, they scein In luxury and pride to dream ; * Yet meet they still, with lot unblest, The welcome cold of burdening guest, I And view the humble home with scorn Which industry and love adorn. FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. TJIE ABSURDITY OJT LIFE. It is all very well for tho poets to tell, Byway of their songs cdorning. Of milkmaids, who rouse to manipulato cows, At five o'clock in tho morning; And of moony young mow'rs who bundle out ofdoors Tho charms of their straw beds scorning, Before break of day, to make love and hay, At five o'clock in the morning! But, between me and you, it is all untrue, Believe not a word they utter; To no milkmaid alive does tho figure ol Five Bring beaux—or even bring butter. The poor cows, if told to arouse, Would do so, perhaps, in the homing: But the country girls, would they show their curls, At five o'clock in the morning? It may not be wrong for the man in the song— . Or the moon—if anxious to settle, To kneel In wet grass, and pop, but, alas ! B'Acf If he popped down on a nettle ! For how could he sec what was under his knee, If, in spite of my friendly warning, lie went out of bed, ami his house, and his head, At five o'olock in the morning ? It is all very well such stories to tell, But if I were a maid ail forlorn-ing, And a lever should drop In the clover to pop, At five o'clock in the morning; If I liked him, you see, I'd say; 'Please call at three:' If not, I'd turn him out with a scorning ; Don't come here you flat with conundrums like that At five o'olock in the morning!' JAMES BOWIE AND HENBV CRAY.—Revor (lv Johnson used to tell a story of Henry Clay, apropos of himself. 1 think in some previous letter I have told you that Rov erdy married Mary Bowie, a cousin of James or "Jeemes" Bowie, the inventor of the Bowie knife. One day Henry Clay, who had arrived in Frederick, Maryland, by stage-coaeli from Wheeling, met Reverdy Johnson in the street. "Reverdy," he said, "I have just had an extraordinary acquaintance hack here at Cumberland. A man got half my seat in the stage-coach—a little snotty, freckled, cheek-honed fellow—and on the next seat were a man and his wife ; on the third seat a couple of big men. We had no sooner started and got clear of Cumberland than one of the big men on the forward seat lit a cigar. He puffed and puffed and puffed, till in a little while the coach was full of strong fumes, and the woman grew very sick. She asked her hus band to raise tho window, and, still unable to bear the smoke, told him she must lean upon his lap. "My wife is sick. Please do not smoke inside." "The big man smoked like a blast chim ney, paying no heed whatever. Tho woman grew fainter and coughed. My blood was boiling, but I knew the big man. could double me up and throw me out of the win dow. "Suddenly the little being at my side leaned ftfcvard and pulled a bovic knife out of his coat collar, and said to the smoking giant: "You damned sonofapusscycatonthf fe male side ! lam Jeemes Bowie. Throw away that cigar, or I'll split you into half apples!" "The man," concluded Mr. Clay "drop ped tho cigar like an automaton, and we had not a word si>oken for thirty miles."— Lor. of St. Louis Democrat. A FACT FELL OP MEANING. —Here is the finest hit we have seen at the present popu lar distinction between religion and mor als : In a religious excitement in Boston, a person met a Christian neighbor who took him by the hand, and said— "l have become a christian."" "You are a christian, then, all at once, " said the other ; "you profess to act strictly on christian principles. lam glad of it.— I congratulate yon. Suppose we now have a settlement of our little accounts between us. Pay me what thou owest." "No," said the new-born child, turning on his heel, "religion is religion, and busi ness is business." So the paper tells ns. And what is there so wonderful about it? Is not the world full of such Christianity ? jBXaT' A St. Louis newspaper heads an ed ' itoriul about the Indians—"The Gentle -1 men Without Hats." " To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. " ALCOHOL IS HING.—CAN HE BE OVERTHROWN ? The Ministerial Association ofWyaluslnDistrict met at Montrose, Fetmary. 16tli, ami unanimously requested that the following article on Temper ance, read before the Association, hy Rev. S. F. Ilrown, ot Tunkhannock. be furnished to thedounty papers ot Bradford, Susquehanna, and Wyoming for publication. Alcohol is King by the consent of the people, and by the laws of the land. He sits a King of mighty power and influence. He has in this fair hind, probably, more than five millions of willing and obedient subjects, and his annual expenses are four teen hundred millions of dollars. We claim that this is a free and indepen- dent government, that these States are gov erned by the will of a free people. And yet here is a despotism prevailing all parts of this great Republic—every city, town, and hamlet—The sea coast, and the plains ; the mountains, and the valleys; the sunny South, and the vigorous North; the thriving Fast, and tho glowing West; the forest, and the prtiirie; the hind of gold, and the laud of herds and docks ; in the mines, dark and deep ; and 011 the bosom of the beautiful lakes and rivers; in the houses of the rich, and the hovels of the poor ; iu the political caucus, in the conventions of the people, in the Legislatures, in Congress, in the Cabinet, in the Presidential mansion, ev erywhere, the subjects and votaries of this regal despot, are found to uphold and de fend his authority. And worst of all, the constitutional authority of this great na tion, has been thoroughly baffled and set at naught by the minions of his satanic ma jesty, King Alcohol. For long centuries he has ruled in the world, not only with a rod of iron, but with a rod of fire and death, a fire consuming soul and body, death present and eternal, "for no drunk ard .shall inherit the Kingdom of God." He is a tyrant that levies a tux upon his subjects, that would furnish bread for the multiplied millions of these United States, and yet, he gives in return, nothing but poison for the body and inind, nothing but discord and sorrow ; nothing but poverty and crime; broken hearts, and hopes, and promises; ruined health and homes ; dwarf ed, starved, and impoverished children ; broken hearted mothers, and wives bound to the bloated and corrupted living carcass es of drunken husbands. He stirs up strife, incites to blasphemy and Sabbath breaking, to lying and theft, to robbery and murder, to prostitution and adultry. Soils the ermine of the bench, and dese- crates the sanctity of the pulpit. No air too pure to be contaminated by bis breath ; no place too sacred to be polluted by his staggering tread ; no society so exclusive, that it may not be blasted by his curse ; no tie so holy, that it may not be severed by his touch ; Ills presence is degradation ; his breath is death ; and his feet take hold on tell. His priests in their unholy ministra ions, stand behind polished and gilded al ars, and are greater in number and inliu nce, than the ministers of our holy reii- gion. They ministe* not to weekly, but to daily worshipers, that in their regularity, devotion and liberal support, shame the most liberal, devoted, and punctual, of the professed followers of the Cross of Christ. But God, the living God has pronounced a curse against his priest-hood. "Cursed is he that putteth the bottle to his neigh bors, ami maketh him drunken," and the hard bony, and relentless hand of this curse, clutches not only the guilty ruinscl ler, but the more guilty that sanctions by law, the unholy traffic, and the little less guilty Judge, that grants the license, and the thrice guilty petitioners, that ask its continuance ; and with a long arm, and with discriminating justice, fas tens upon every one, in every station in life, that by word or act or silence, upholds the accursed tiling, for the whole responsi bility rests with the jteopie, "for the voice of the people is tire voice of God" (in this matter) to tho Legislator and the Judge, and when the people say, in private and in public, through tho press, aud the ballot box, that, not only ninety-nine persons out of every hundred t'aall not sell alcoholic poison, but that the hundredtli shall not either, and if is right, (as we all believe it is,) to prevent by legislation the ninety niue persons selling it, it is equally right to prevent the hundredth. But, says all Hon orable Senator, you may as well legislate against eating cod-fish, as against drinking mm Well let us see. I have used cod fish, and potatoes, and bread, myself, and in my family, for many years, and none of them ever threw us or any of us into the gutter, or made us make worm fence in the streets, or tangled our legs, or muddled our brains, or unfitted us for business, or ruined our finances, or blasted our character, ordo | stroyed our health, or injured our morals, nor gave us the delirium tremens, and we are not aware that they ever did any of these things to our neighbors, or their chil dren, and no curse is pronounced against them or the use of them or the sale or gift of them. And wu ask in the name of peace, and order, and the good of human society, and the good of all the people, and all the land ; what laws are for, ii not to protect society from evil, aud wrong, and discord, and immorality ; and to defend the* weak and helpless, against all that might injure or harm them. Have tho in nocent children, naked and starved by a ilruuken father, or the complaining and broken-hearted wife of the inebriate, or the I the aged parents, whose son, the stay of i their old age, is lured into the dens of this I demon, whoso willing, so cursed and nefa rious, is made honorable (God save the murk) by the countanence of statutes, and '! license, and public assent. Have these no right to be protected by law, are they to lie left to the tender mercies of this demon, and his minions with their traps, and snares; their gilded palaces, and alluring resorts ? Some say this is a matter in which we should confine ourselves to mor al suasion. Why not confine ourselves to moral suasion in the matter of theft or for gery or extortion, for God puts drunken ness in the same category, for he says, "Nor thieves, or drunkards, or revilers, or extortioners shall inherit the Kingdom of God.' Suppose a man steals your horse, you have a law that "if he is caught," will give him ten years confinement, at hard labor ; lit re is another man, that, .step by ste]), by means of this infernal traffic, loads your son, your joy and pride and hope, into the path of ruin, both of body and soul, for time and eternity, your son whose happi ness and hopes and. prosperity, is of more value to you than a thousand horses. The one you punish with ten years of hard and dreary confinement; the other, the greater criminal, in Us much as the man with all his hopes ami possibilities, is infinitely greater than any mere property ; you let go free, because, forsooth it is wrong to make luAvs to restrain him. Shame on your logic, on your wisdom, on your jus tice! In the name of humanity, in the name of justice, give the man that sells or gives this thing to any human being as n beverage, ten years in the penitentiary, and the tiling is done. If men can't sell it, men won't buy it. You need not think to stop it by attempting to stop the manufac ture. it will lie smuggled in a thousand ways, as long us nun can buy and sell it. But stop the sale and the whole thing is dead. And now to the main question. Can this monster, this despot Alcohol be de throned ? We answer, yes, assuredly yes, as surs as the Lord God Omnipotent reign eth, yes, as soon as the people through the ballot-box my it, his Kingdom is at an end, as soon as they say we will vote for no leg islator, that will not help to make laws against the miserable traffic, that they will vote for no officer that will not execute the laws, for no judge that will not condemn the criminal, and the diadem of crime and tears and death, falls from his doomed brow. Ilis grave is dug, his winding sheet is made, and he will soon be buried beyond the fear of a resurrection. But can the people be induced to do this ? By the grace of 6W they cau. We must agitate, and talk, and teach, and preach, and write, and organize, and make sacrifice of time, and money, and interest, and the object is worth a thousand times what it will cost. We must battle nobly and manfully and persistently. For, it is to be the greatest moral and political contest, the country has ever seen, and, we are already entering upon it; let us gird up our loins, and ourselves like men. Success is sure, for God is on our side, and we cannot fail if we pray and fight, honestly and earnestly. Who thought eight short years ago, that Slavery, that gigantic evil, could, by any possibility, be removed from our fair land. And yet to-day we stand in a broad land, every acre of which, is consecrated by the constitution, to freedom forever, and the curse that divided the church, and the State, and deluged our fair laud in blood and tears, and sunk twenty-six hundred mil lions of treasure, is dead and forever bu ried, and our deliverance is worth - all it cost. And now if we can be freed from this other and greater curse, a long stride will be taken towards the millennium. But the good cause must have its martyrs and trials, its John Brown, and Fort Sumpter, its Bull Run, and its Federicksburg, its Libby Prison, and its Harper's Ferry, its Booth, and its Alabama. But with the help of God it is destined also, to liave its Port Hudson, and its Vicksburg; its Sher man, and its Sheridan; its Wilderness, and its march through Georgia ; its Petersburg, and its Appomattox; and finally its Grant to successfully figbt it out on this line, un til unconditional surrender, crowns Tem perance King forever. And let all the peo ple say Amen. . fey*"Friend Mallaby, I am pleased that thee has got such a fine organ in thy church." "But," said the clergyman. "I thought you were strongly opposed to hav ing au organ in a church ?" "So I am," said friend Obudiali, "but then, if thee will worship the Lord with machinery, I would like thee to have a first-rate instrument." "Father," said a four years old child, "I think you are very foolish." "Why, my child ?" "Because you have brought that baby here when mother is sick, and you have to get a woman to take care of it." "Go rock the cradle, Lucy, and no more of your jabber." Bfefi' How often do we sigh for opportu nities of doing good, whilst we neglect to openings of Providence in little things, which would frequently lead to the accom plishment of most important usefulness ! j6kfi"Tlio latest mode of announcing a birth is to caU it "cutting off a coupon from the marriage bond." EARLY ABOLHTIONISTS-THEN AND NOW. Tom Hood somewhere describes the frantic zeal with which certain "Id dames of England once endeavored to scour to whiteness some Africans among them.— They worts determined to make the negro a white man, by scrubbing off the black, and so gathered together all the soap and scrubbing brushes of the neighborhood and went to work with jtersistent and unflag ging industry. Thoy stripped Hambo and lathered, and rubbe d, and foamed and scrub bed him till the skin fairly peeled off.— Then they hung liim out to dry, but he was still a ucgro, and did not even pale in to dark mulatto under the process. They laid him out over night on the grass, that the night air and morning dew might whiten him with their alkalic properties, but all in vain ; the African was still black, and from being polished, was all the black-1 The ltump Congress and the Republican party at this time, it.is palpable, are but re-attempting what their simple English mothers undertook. It is a plain case of the same philanthropy which exercised the early Abolitionists, for while they have gathered together the material wealth of the people, to be used up in lathering and scrubbing the negro into a white man, they leave themselves unclean, and the ne gro is as thoroughly a savage, block and forbidding, as when they commenced their labors upon him. In fact, he is all the blacker, that they have attempted to scrub liim white. And in this insane attempt, millions of the people's money—hundreds of millions —havo been "lathered" away upon the African ; as well might thoy attempt to change the spots upon the leopard, as to fit Sambo to live under, and become amen able to. laws and a civilization beyond his powers of comprehension ; much less can they legislate him into a legislator. He belongs to the jungles and "devil bushes" of Africa. They are liis by nature and he theirs ; and ne returns to a condition suit ing them to him, and ho to them, the mo ment the strong grip of the white man loosens its hold upon him. The effort to make the negro a freeman —to give him the rights of citizenship and equality of person, only exhibit the falsity of that sentiment, the success of which has done the African-American so great a wrong. Wherein ho is a freeman '? Tho boon has la'en extended to him, and he takes it and wanders away from civilization, as if seek ing to find his native and natural plane— a jungle into which he can creep from tho white man's eye, therein to practice his mysterious Obi incantations and supersti tious. Serub him, lather him, soap him, rub him, as ye will, he comes from the bath still a nigger—hideous to the eye—offen sive to the senses. And so it will continue tlirongh all time. He cannot be made the equal of the white man ; he cannot bo rais ed to that plane ; and if equality be resolv ed upon, those who stand upon the* plane above the trembling, jibbering "man and brother" must come down to him, and wal low with him on his plane. This is the penalty of equality.. We can not Anglo-Saxonize the negro, lmt the ne gro may Africanize the white man. It is easier to descend than to ascend. The one cannot ascend —henee the other must de scend. — Bellefonte Watchman. HARD ON THI: ENGINEER. —An engineer on the O. k M. R. 15- tells tho following story on himself : One night the train stopped to wood and water at a small sta tion in Indiana. While this operation was going on, I observed two green4ooking countrymen, in "humspun," curiously in specting the locomotive and occasionally giving vent to expressions of astonishment. Finally one of tliem looked up at me and said : . ' "Stranger, are this a locomotive?" "Certainly ! Didn't yon ever see one be fore ? " "No, haven't never saw one afore. Me'n Bill come down to the station to-night pur poses to see one. Them's tho biler, ain't it ?" "Yes, certainly," "What yer call that you're in ? " "We call tliis the cab." "And this big wheel ?" "That's the driving wheel." "That big black thing on top is thecbim bley, I suppose ? " "Precisely." "Be you the engineer wot runs the mi dline ? " "I am the engineer." "Bill," said the fellow to his mate, after eyeing me closely for a few minutes, "if don't take much of a man tohc engineer, do it?" "All aboard!" fkif John Chinarqpn in California is clear at a bargain. His ideas of the "cred it system" are extremely safe though rath er vague. A merchant of unbounded cred it in San Francisco recently applied to a Chinese merchant, through has agent to pur chase a cargo of rice on time. The agent duly set forth tho opulence, standing, Are., of lis principal, to which the Chinaman replied : "Yes, him welly good man.— Me tmst-ec, him pay mo one half casli-ee, other half when me deliver rice-ee." TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance 1 piSf & otj)frfois£. lka~ There's many a skip 'twixt tlir< flea and the nip. tter' A man's best fortune—or his worst —his wife. #©y- "l'rido goeth l>efore a fall," and many a water-fall. ■ A New York paper says of a famous singer, that "she sings a few airs, and puts on a good many." lihtf" What is the difference between a High Episcopalian and a Baptist ? (Jno burns wax candles and the other dips. fcf/; Why should the sea make a better house-keeper than the earth? Because the earth is exceedingly dirty, and the sea is very ti/Jy. B©*" A man recently picked tip one end of a few yards of dress goods in the street, but on discovering a female at-the other end, concluded to let it remain. R->y- An Irishman recently soliloquized : "What a wastp o' money to be buying mate when you know the half of it is bone, when you can spind it for nun that hasn't a bono in it." fe£r- "What have you done with your doll, Amy ? " "Locked it up, papa. Going to keep it for my 'ifcty gol, w lieu I get big just like mauima!" "Ah! but suppos you have noue ? " * 'Never mind. My g'nn' child will have it." &.>' Do you observe how devotional Deacon Buffer is ? " asked a good lady of her husband. "Yes, my dear, the Deacon is very devotional. He always keeps hi; head bowed in prayer until the contribu tion box lias passed." fifer" An auctioneer, at a late sale of an tiquities, put up a helmet, with the follow ing candid observation : "This, ladies and gentlemen, is a helmet of Ilomulus, the Roman founder ; but whether he was a brass or iron founder I cannot tell." A city miss on a visit to the country, was tilled with surprise at the skill of a girl in milking a cow. "I didn't know you did it in that way," she said with round eyed wonder. "I thought they took hold of the cow's tail, aixl pumped the tniik out of her ! What's she gotso longa tail for ? " - fear 1 - An impatient boy waiting for grist, said to tho miller: m "I eould eat the ined-bug to an iron foundry, iuul dropped it into a ladle where the mel ted iron was, had it made into a skillet,— Well my old woman used that skillet pret ty constant for the last six years, and hero the other day.it broke all to smash, and what do you think, gentlemen, that ere iu sect just walked out of his hole where he'd been layin' like a frog in a rock, and made tracks for his old roost up stairs ! "But," 1 added lie, byway of parenthesis, "by I George, gentlemen, he looked mighty pale !" 10. 31.