PpiiniiQ JfKßi Bemorrflt.
HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher.
VOL. VIII.
Ppmiitg SitwccaL
A Democratic weekly _
M<i Sciences Ac. Pub- ;
lished every WJnea- *
iny, at Tunkhannock Tfr s^^
'•Tyoming County, Pa
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tan Lisas COSSTITCTE a SQCASU.
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RIAL ESTATE, PCMOJUL POPBTT, and GBKKFSL
ADVMTtsme, as may be agreed upon.
PATIRT MEDICINES and other advertisements oy
the column:
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RY EDITORIAL or LOCAL ITSM advertising—with
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GIOUS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general
aterest, one half the regular rates.
|y Advertisements must be handed in by Tcus-
AT Noox, to.insur# insertion the same week.
JOB WORM
fall kinds neatly executed and at pries* to suit
the times.
All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and
WORK must be paid for, when ordered JOB
Business Notices.
LITTLE & sir TAEB. ATTORNEYS, OFFICE
on Wsrren Street Tunkhaanock Pa.
W. E. LITTLE J. A. SITTSB*.
HS. COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON |
• Newton Centre, LuserneCounty Pn.
OL, PARRISIT - ATTORNEY AT LAW. J
• Offi-e at the Court House, in Tunkhanock {
Wyoming Co. Pa.
7M. M. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW Of- J
flee in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk '
naonock, Pa.
T J CHARE, ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL
A % LOR AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, Pa
Espacial attention given to settlement of dece
dent's estates
Nicholson, Pa., Deo. 5, 18g7—v"nl9yl
MA. WILSON, ATTOKNFY AT LAW, Col
• lecting and Real Estate Agent. lowa Land*
for sale. Scr&nton, Pa. 38tf.
OSTERHOUT A DEWITT, Attorneys' at Law--
Office, opposite the Bank, TunkhaiAock, Pa.
P M. OsTERHOUT. G. B. DEWITT
J W. RHO ADS, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON,
• will attend promptly to all calls in his pro
fsssion. May be found at his Office at the Drag
Store, or at his residence on Putman Sreet, formerly
occupied by A. K. Peckham Esq.
DENTISTRY.
|*B. L. T. BCRRS
,i . II has permanent
_ ly located In Tunk
bannock Borough
and respectfully
tenders his profee
vSlF si on at services to
"VW §T ■ ""g ,i, J Its citiien*.
Offlee on second floor of NEW JEWELRY STORE, on
TIOOA St. vB-nlB-m.
PACIFIC HOTEL,
170,173,174 A 17# Greenwich Street
(OSS DOOR ABOVE CORTLAXDT STREET, HEW TOM.)
The unperslgned take# pleasure In annonncing to
Ms numerous friends and patrons that from this
date, the charge of the Pacific will be
$3.60 PER DAY.
Being sole Proprietor of this house, and therefore
free from the too common exaction of an Inordinate
rent, he Is fully able to meet the downward tenden
cy of prices without any falling off of service.
it will now. as heretofoie, be his aim to maintain
un-limished the favorable reputation of the Pactflo,
which't has enjoyed for many yearr, as one of the
best of travelers' hotels.
THE TABLE will be bountifully supplied with
every delicacy of the season.
THE ATTENDANCE will be found efficient and
and obliging. .
THE LOCATION wtll be found convenient tor
those whose business calls them in the lower part or
the cltv, and of ready acoees to all Rati Road and
Steamboat Lines. „
JOHN PATTEN.
Oct 10th 1860. nlB-#m.
HUFFORD HOUSE.
TDNKHANNOCK. WYOMING CO., F
THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY
been refitted and lurnished in the lateet style.
Kvsry attention will be given to the comfortjand
•onrenienee of thoee who patronise the House.
H, HUFFORD. Proprietor.
Tuokhannock, Pa., Juoe 17, 1968 —v7n44.
BOLTONHOUSE.
HARRISBURG, PENNA.
The undersigned having lately purchased the
" BUEHLER HOUSE " property, has already com
menced such alterations and improvements as will
render this old and popular House equal, if not supe
rior, to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg.
A continuance of the public patronage is refpect
fully solicited.
GEO. J. BOLTON
WALL'S IHOTEL,
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.
THIS establishment has recently been refitted an
furnished in the latest style Every attention
'II be given to the comfort and convenience of thoee
-o patronise the House.
T. B. WALL, Owner and Proprietor.:
Tunkhannock, September 11, 1861.
MEANS' HOTEL.
TOWAMX3A, FA
ri. B- BARTLET,
Late ot I. BSRAINABD HOUSE, KLMIRA, NY.
PROPRIETOR.
The MEANS HOTEL, U on# of the LARGEST
nd BEST ARRANGED House* in the country—lt
fitted up iu the most modern and improved style
sod no pains are spared to make it B pleaaantand
tgreeable stopping p|tee for BU,
vUSI-lj.
The new Broom still
new!
AND WITH TOE NEW YEAR,
Will be lined with more xteping effect than hereto
fore, by large addition* from time to time, of Choice
uon desirable GOODS, at the
3NT©w Store
OF
C DETRICK,
in S, Stark'* Br:k Block
AT TDNKHANNOCK. PENN'A.
Where can be found, at all time*, one of the Largest
and Ricbett assortments erer offered in this vicinity,
Consisting of
BLACK AND FANCY COL'RD DRESS
SILKS,
FRENCH, ENGLISH and AMERICAN MERINOS,
EMPRESS AND PRINCESS CLOTHS,
POPLINS, SERGES, and PAREMKTTOS,
BLACK LUSHE AND COLORED
ALPACCAS WOOL, ARMI RE, PEKIN
AND MOCSELIEU DELAINS, INPORTED
AND DOMESTIC GINGHAMS, PRINTS t
of Be*t Manufacturer,
[
I
Ladies Cloths and Sacqueings,
FURS, SHAWLS, FANCY WOOLEN
GOODS, &iC* LADIES RETICULES,
SHOPPING BAGS and BASKETS.
TRUNKS, VALISES, and TRAVELING
BAGS,
Hosiery and Gloves, Ladies' Vesta, White
Good?, sod Yamkee notions
in endless va
riety.
HOOPSKIRTS A CORSETTS,
direct from the manufacturers, at greatly ;
1 reduced prices.
FLANNELS all Colon and QualUUt j
KNIT GOODS,
Cloths,
Cassimcres,
Vestinge,
Cottonades,
Sheetings,
Shirtings,
Drills.
Denims,
Ticks, Stripes, Ac.
Every Description of
BOOTS A SHOES,
HATS & CAPS.
Paper Hangings, Window Shades, Cur
tains, Curtain Fixtures, Carpets, Oil-
Cloths, Crockery, Glass and Btoneware.
Tinware,
Made expressiy for this trade, and war
ranted to give Satisfaction, at 20 per cent,
cheaper than the usual rates in this section.
HARDWARE it CUTLERY, of all \
kinds,
SILVER PLATED WARE,
Paints, Oils, and Painters Materials, i
Putty, Window Glass, Ac. (
1
KEROSENE 'OIL, !
Chandeliers,
Lamps, \
Lanterns,
Lantern Glares, 1
Lamp Chimneys, 1
Shades and \
Curuers. \
COAL.
ASHTON, A BEL. SALT
FLOUR, 1
FEED,
MEAL,
BUTTER,
CHEESE,
LARD,
PORK,
HAMS,
en# FISH.
SUGAR,
TEA,
COFFEE
SPICES,
SYRUP, A
MOLASSES,
WOOD Sc WILLOW WARE,
ROPES, CORDAGE,
PATENT MEDICINES. DRUGS, end DYES,
FLAVORING EXTRACTS, Ac., Ac,
These goods have been selected
with great care to suit the wants of
this community, and will be sold as
heretofore, at the lowest living rates
for cash or exchanged for
produce at market prices. Thanktu
for the past liberal patronage, I shall
endeavor by strict attention to my
business, to merit a continuance ot
the same, and will try to make the
future still more attractive and ben
eficial to customers.
C. DBTRICK.
TDNKHANNOCK WYOMING CO., PA.-WEDNESDAY, JAN. 20, 1869,
' 1
WAITING.
Hl* promised time Is pest;
"I'm *ure be'* very late."
1 'Twas here t eu* him last,
Beside this garden gate.
He said, he'd not forget,
But be "right on the spot,"
I know he'll come—and yet,
I think he loves me not..
Oh, dear! I wish he'd come,
He's staying very long.
1 wonder 1* he home-
There must be something wrong.
Perhaps some scene of woe
Keep# him away from me;
Perhaps he's 111—but no,
I'm sure it cannot be.
His words were very dear
When last we bade good-bye,
And, methought I saw a tear
That gathered In his eye.
He said that I was fair,
And vow'd by Him in Heaven
To love—well, I declare
The bells are striking seven.
My heart 1* void of mirth,
When absent from his sight.
I wonder what on earth
Keeps him so long to-night.
I'm certain he's unkind
To cause me thus to fret—
I guess I'll go and find-
Why, here he comes ! the pet I
A KISSING SONG.
The following will suit somebody, so we
give it:
A IB— "Lei me kitt him for hUmothrr."
Let me kiss her for her mother—
The bewitching Polly Ann-
Let me kiss her for her mother.
Or any other man.
Let me kiss her for somebody.
Anybody In the world,
With her hair so sweetly auburn,
And so gloriously curled.
Let me kiss her for her "feller,"
And I do not care a red.
If he tape me on the smeller,
With his "billy made of lead."
Let me kles her for her daddy—
The pretty, pouting elf—
Or, If that don't suit the family,
Let me kiss her for myself!
Pleasant Hints for Dainty Dram-Drink
ers.
Their may be seen daily on Chestnut St.,
says a Philadelphia paper, a man clad in
faultless apparel, with a great diamond upon
liis breast, vainly endeavoring to ontglitter
the magmifieent solitaire upon his linger.
In a German University he studied chem
istry, and not even Liebeg knows it better.
His occupation is the mixing and the adul
teration of liquors. Give him a dozen cases
of deodorized alcohol, and the next day
each of them will represent the name of a
genuine wine or a popular spirit. He en- j
ters a wholesale drug store, tearing a large
basket upon his arm. Five pounds of Ice- ;
land moss are first weighed out to him. To
raw liquor this imparts a degree of smooth
ness, uleaginousuess, that imparts to im
itation brandy the glibness of that which is
test matured. An astringent called catchu,
that would almost close the mouth of a glass
inkstand, is next in order. A couple of
ounces of strychnine, next called for, are
quickly conveyed to the vast pocket, and a
pound of sulphate of zinc (white vitriol) is
as silently placed in the bottom of the basket
The oil of cognac, the sulphuric acid, and
other articles that give fire and body to the
liquid poison, are always kept in store. The
mixer buys these things in various quarters.
They are the staples of his art.
"HEAVY FAILURE. —The money article of
the Tribune of Monday of last week, has the
following:
The news of the suspension of Messrs. La
throp, Ludington A Co., was received this
morning with surprise, mingled with regret.
During a period of 20 years, this house has
stood among the foremost jobbers in the
trade having passed through the trouble of
1857 and the disturbance incident to the war
without even suffering a protest or asking
an extension for a single day. Their business
for the last eight years has been large, and
has been conducted with prudence and com
mercial sagacity; but the steady falling off
of prices, and the aggregated failure of their
customeis in the West and South has been
too much for them, and they have reluct
antly teen obliged to suspend. We are in
formed that an exhibit of the affairs is to be
laid before their creditors at the earliest
moment."
CONSOLATION.— "What is your consolation
in life and in death?" asked a clergyman of
a young Miss in a Bible class that he was
catechising.
The young lady blushed and hesitated,
"will you not tell me?" urged the clergy
man,
"I don't waut to tell his name," said the
ingenious girl;" but I've no objection to
telling you where he lives."
The heirs of Hon. George M. Keim
have presented to the Lehigh University at
Bethlehem, his elegant cabinet of minerals
containing 5.000 specimens, and costing
near $15,000.
"What is it thAt causes the saltiness of
the ocean ?" inquired a teacher.
"The codfish," was the reply.
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
THE STORY OT BLUE BEARD.
DONE BY THB "FAT CONTRIBUTOR."
A long time ago, before the invention of
hair dye, when a man had to wear his beard
j the color that nature had made it, whether
he would or not, there was a man who had
made himself enormously rich as whiskey
inspector, or something of that sort. I
don't know precisely where he lived, but
think he lived mostly in the imagination.
He run a great castle, on the European
! plan, had horses and run them, and in fact
[ run about everything in his neighborhood,
i including running for office and with the
girls, for at the time of which I write he
was gay widower. He had great quanti
ties of greenbacks, corner lots, oil stock,
bonds, and things, but he was hideously
ugly, and had withal an enormous blue
beard, frightful to contemplate, which gave
to him the cognomen of Blue Beard, by
which he was known to the country round
about, as well as to the country that had
laid off its round-about, and consequently
was in its shirt sleeves.
Blue Beard grew weary of living in soli
tary magnificence in his lordly castle, and
finding that he was getting bluer and bluer
every day, he determined to marry. Hav
ing teen married half a dozen times—ta
king half a dozen raw, as one might say—
he was naturally quite miserable when de
prived of the gentle influences of the fair
sex for any length of time.
One of his neighbors was a widow lady,
who had two very beautiful and highly ac
complished daughters. They could play
the piano, harp, and seven-up, and work
embroidery and play Planchette elegantly.
To this widow lady Blue Beard applied
for the hand and general anatomy of one of
her daughters, leaving her to decide which
one she would give him. Although the
' 'stamps he had pleaded loudly in his favor,
as they do yet, although tliis was u great
many years ago, yet that dreadful teurd
was against him, and neither of the young
women desired to have it against her.
Blue wasn't fashionable for beards ; if it
had lieen it might have, been differ at. One
of them wept bitterly because it would be
several hundred years yet before hair dye
would be discovered so that he could have
his whiskers colored.
Another circumstance rendered them shy
of him. He was having a wedding once in
a while at the castle, but no funerals! —
Wedding cake had teen ordered from the
confectioners several times, but no under
taker had had a job there yet. No matter
how many times a man is left a widower, if
he correspondingly patronize some respect
able owner of a hearse, but repeated wed
lock without funerals is certainly a suspic
ious circumstance.
Blue Beard cunningly invited the family
aud their friends to the castle, where they
passed a week so delightfully that the youn
gest daughter tegau to think blue was a
pretty good color for the whiskers after all,
particularly when their possessor could
keep such an establishment as that, where
they had three meals a day, besides a lunch
every morning from ten o'clock until elev
en. She looked with contempt on a red
whiskered beau of hers, she used to think
"perfectly splendid," and actually asked
him why he didn't "rub Indigo into 'em."
The npshot of the business was, she con
sented to become Mrs. B. Beard, and the
wedding was celebrated with great eclat.
At the expiration of the honey-moon,
Blue Beard pretended to his wife that busi
ness of importance called him away to a
distant city. He would be absent several
weeks, and in the mean time she could in
vite company and enjoy herself as much as
possible. He gave her a bunch of keys en
abling her at any time to open her safe,
and feast her eyes upon the diamonds (he
loaned money on "collateral," sometimes,)
greenbacks, seven-thirties, revenue stamps
and receipted gas bills deposited there—also
giving access to the wine cellar, store room,
picture gallery, billiard room, ten pin alley,
corn house, Ac., Ac., But one little key
opened a room in the basement that she
must not approach save her own peril.
She promised, and he took a street car for
the depot.
From the time that Mother Eve disre
garded the injunction against a certain tree
in Eden's orchard and partook of a Rhode
Island pippin thereby introducing various
things into the world never before dreamed
of, curiosity has teen an absorbing passion
with the fair sex, and we need hardly in
form the intelligent reader that her husband
was scarcely out of sight before Mrs. B. B.
had unlocked the door of the forbidden
room.
But what a spectacle met her affrighted
gaze ! There, suspended on hooks like so
many gowns in a clothes press, were the
murdered Mrs. Blue Beards, whose funer
als had been indefinitely postponed, while
the floor was clotted with their blood ! She
would have swooned, but the phrase wasn't
known at that time. Terribly agitated, she
dropped the key on the floor, staining it
with blood, which she was afterwards un
able to was out, even with the aid of a pa
tent wringer.
Blue Beard returned unexpeetly, as ever
ybody might have expected, and the blood
upon" the key told the story of his wife's
diobedience," for blood, you know, "will
tell."
"Must I," he cried, wringing his hands
in anguish, "must I again become a widow
er, and so soon ? After one short month
of wedded bliss ; (drawing his scimetar and
carefully feeling its edge) must this latest
and dearest one be torn from my arms and
I left alone—alone ? 80-ho-ho-oo !"
"Not if I can help it," remarked Mrs. 8.,
to herself.
"I never nursed a dear gazelle," Blue
Beard blubbered, as he proceed to whet his
scythe on the stove hearth, "to glad me
with his soft black eye, but when it came to
know me well—"
"Now Blue Beard, I don't want to die."
"Prepare !" yelled Blue Beard, enraged
that she did not at once accept the situation.
"Since I must die," said- she, "grant me
a quarter of an hour in which to write a
farewell letter to the press."
He could not refuse so reasonable a re
quest, so he granted it, although he was
not ordinarily a Grant man. Going to her
room she told her sister Anna to ascend to
the top of the tower and see if her brothers
(who supposing Blue Beard away, were
coming to smoke his cigars, and drink up
his whiskey) were yet in sight. There was
a cloud of dust in the road, but it was on
ly a flock of sheep on their way to the State
Fair.
"Times up !" shouted Blue Beard, who
didn't think much of writing letters to
newspapers, anyhow.
"Only one moment more, Anna, oh,
Anna !" she softly cried, "do you see any
body coming now !"
"I see two horsemen. They see me wave
my haadkerchief. It is—it is Sam and
Bill."
Then Blue Beard rushed in with his
drawn sword (he had dratcn it at a gift
show,) and was about to dispatch her to the
happy kro-kay-ing grounds of her sex when
her brothers Sam and Bill dove in and
blew old Blue Beard's brains out with
double-barreled bowie knives.
The widow B. inherited his money to
gether with the remains of his other wives,
with which she was enabled to set up a
Museum of Anatomy, finally marrying a
side showman. Her sister Anna was uni
ted to a gentleman by the name of Dominy
becoming Anna Dominy, though what
year this was I cannot say. Blue Beards
went out with the eminent and excessive
widower of that name and haven't teen in
since to my knowledge.
THE DEAD SEA OF MONO. —There are
many things in the Great Basin, or along
its rim, which excite the interest of travel
ers. A correspondent asks us to tell him
"whether Mono Lake is actually the "dead
sea" it is represented to be. lam told that
its bitter water arc fatal to till living things.
If you can, will yon say something about
that singular body of water." We gather
from the "Report of the Mineral Resources
of the States and Territories west of the
Rocky Mountains," that Mono Lake lies
ten miles southwest of the dividing line be
tween California and Nevada, and is about
fourteen miles long and nine wide. It has
never teen sounded, but a trial said to have
been made with a line of three hundred feet
failed to reach the bottom. By chemical
analysis a gallon of water weighing eight
pounds was found to contain 1,200 grains
of solid matter, consisting principally of
cholride of sodium, carbonate of soda, sul
phate of soda, borax and silica. These sub
stances render the water so acid and nause
ating that it is unfit for drinking or even
bathing. Leather immersed in it is soon
destroyed by its corrosive properties, and
not an animal, not even a fish or a frog can
exist in the water for more than a short
time. The only thing able to live within or
upon the water of this lake is a species of
fly, which springs from larvte bred in its
bosom, and after an ephemeral life dies,
and collecting on the surface, is drifted to
the shore, where the remains collect in vast
quantities and are fed upon by the ducks or
gathered by the Indians, with whom they
are a staple article of food. Nestling under
the eastern water-shed of the Sierra, Mono
Lake receives several considerable tributa
ries ; aud although destitute of any outlet,
such is the aridity of the atmosphere that
it is always kept at nearly a uniform level
by the process of evaporation. So dense
and sluggish is the water rendered through
supersatnration with various salts aud other
foreign matters, that only the strongest
winds raise a ripple on its surface. As the
Sierra in this neighborhood reaches nearly
its greatest altitude, the scenery about Mo
no Lake is varied and majestic, some parts
of it being at the same time -marked by a
more cheerless and desolate aspect. The
bitter and fatal waters of this lake render it
literally a dead sea, and its surroundings—
wild, gloomy and foreboding—are sugges
tive of sterility and death. The decompos
ing action of the water is shown by its ef
fects upon the bodies of a company of In
dians, twenty to thirty in number, who,
while seeking to escape from their white
pursuers, took refuge on the lake, where
they were shot by their enemies, who left
them in the water. In the course of a few
weeks not a vestige of the bodies was to be
seen, even the bones having been deeom
i posed by this powerful solvent. Mineral
I curiosities abound in the neighborhood of
! Mono Lake, among which are numberless
■ depositions in the shape of tiny pine trees. —
I Avti/tn Reveille
SYNOPSIS
OF
GOV. GBARY'S MESSAGE.
Gov. Geary sent his annual message to
the Legislature, on Wednesday, Jan. 6th.
The following full synopsis of which we
find in the Harrisbnrg Patriot:
After gratefully expressing thanks to
Divine Providence for the prosperity of the
Commonwealth, and the progress of our
free institutions, the Governor enters into
a statement of the condition of the finances.
The balance in the treasury on the 30th of
November, 1868, was 81,413,415,37. The
amount of the public debt on the first day
of December, 1868, was 833,286,946,14.
The Governor recemmends that whenever
there may be surplus funds in the treasury
they may be employed in purchasing the
outstanding bonds of the State. He cen
sures the last legislature for not providing
sufficient guards for the protection of the
public money, and again urges the subject
on the attention of the legislature. Re
trenchment and economy are advocated in
the same old stereotyped phrases, and will
be as much heeded as ever before. The
Governor again insists that the appropria
tion bill be passed in time that it may re
ceive thorough examination before the ex
ecutive signature is attached.
The cause of education next claims the
attention of the message. The expenses of
the Common Schools for the past year
amounted to 86,200,537,96. The average
cost for the tuition of each scholar is 87-
74>2 and the average amount paid each
teacher 81951714. The Governor then
recommends that the salaries of teachers
be increased, but as the legislature has
nothing to do with that question, his rec
ommendation amounts to little. He also
calls attention to the fact that there are
not less than seventy-five thousand per
sons in the State between the ages of six
and twenty-one who do not go to school.—
When it is considered that six is regarded
by many sensible people as too early an
age to send children to school, and that be
fore they have reached the age of twenty
one, very many more have thrown away
their school books, the statement of the
Governor will not appear so astounding.—
The expenditures for the support of the
Soldiers' Orphans' Schools from Dee. Ist,
1897, to May 31, 1868, amounted to 8236,-
970 26. The total number of pupils, 3,-
431, and the average cost of each pupil for
six mouths $69.06*5. The Governor as
serts that the schools are all in good condi
tion and prospering. The Agricultural
College is discussed, and this branch of the
subject is wound up with the average com
mon-place copy-book phrases about the j
blessings of education.
The military department is briefly con
sidered. There are seventy-seven volun
teer companies in the State, aud a number
of others organizing. A reduction of the
number of men now required, to an aggre
gate of fifty officers and men to each com
pany, the Governor thinks, would cause
military companies to increase by the hun
dred.
In recommending a new registry law, the
message says that 'it is alleged that frauds
were perpetrated, surpassing in magnitude,
perhaps, any that have been consummated
heretofore in the history of the Common
wealth. " Without proof, on mere allega
tion, "these frauds" are presented as the
ground for any other registry law, which
the Governor hopes will not be subject to
the objectionable features pointed out by
the Supreme Court in last year's bill.—
Since the new registry law will be worth
nothing without "exceptionable features,"
it is a matter of little consequence with the
radicals whether they make a new bill or
not.
A department to protect the interests of
insurers is recommended, and also a desk
for the collection of statistics. The deaths
of Hon. Thaddeus Stevens and Hon. Dar
win A. Finney are appropriately referred
to.
The whole number of applications for
pardons during the year has been Bixteen
hundred and twenty-three. The number
of pardons granted has been one hundred
and six. In the Philadelphia county pris
on the following persons are confined un
der sentence of death : Edward Ford, sen
tenced May 12, 1861; Jerry Dixon, May
30, 1863; Patrick Finnegan, February 9,
1863; Newton Champion, Dec. 1, 1866 ;
Alfred Alexander and Hester Vaughn, July
3, 1868. The Governor thinks it would te
mereiful if authority were given him to
commute the sentence to imprisonment at
labor in the penitentiary.
The message concludes with a very ppor
stump speech to the radicals. It congrat
ulates them on the election of Grant. It
attributes to the downfall of the rebellion,
the recent political reforms in England *,
the expulsion of the Bourdons in Spain ;
the troubles in Cuba ; the literal move
ment in Germany and the waning influ
ence of Louis Napoleon in France. Until
we read this wonderful message, we never
knew that the war for the rebellion had ac
complished so much. It will be news to
most people. The Governor carefully
avoids any allusion to the suffrage question
I or to the measures now before Congress to
\ make suffrage question universal by an
i amendment of the Constitution, which are
the most important of auv before the coun
try. The silence of the Governor is signif
: icant, affording ground to hope that the rad
icals will not venture to put any of their
, darling schemes against the power of the
1 Stat© in practice.
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance.
NO. 24.
pis? airb pjmrfoisf.
What is the difference between a hungTy
► man and a glutton ? One longs to eat, and
the other eats too long.
A gentleman complaining of the various
imposts and taxes, says he can not put on
his boots in the morning without a stamp.
An eminent artist lately painted a snow
storm so naturally that he caught a bad
cold by sitting too near it with his coat off.
Fanny Fern says that the men lika to
"pick the ladies to pieces." We have cer
tainly found it very pleasant to take them
apart.
A debating society had under considera
tion the question,—"ls it wrong to cheat
a lawyer ? " The decision arrived at was.
"No; but impossible."
An unwashed street boy, being "hed
what made him so dirty, his reply was ;
"I was made, as they tell me, of the dust of
tk* ground, and I reckon it is just working
out."
A milkman, the other day, in sjieaking
of the dullness of the market, said, —
"I can't make anything now-a-days,
there is so much composition in the busi
ness." He probably told the truth unwit
tingly.
A poor Irishman who applied foy a license
to sell ardent spirits, being questioned as
to his moral fitness for the trust replied,—
"Ah, sure it is not so much of a charac
ter a man wants to sell rum."
A chemist, discoursing oi drug.-,
ed that all bitter things were hot.
"No,' observed one present: "there is
one of a different quality, and that is a bit
ter cold day."
Teacher—"lf a man gave you a hundred
dollars to keep for him, and died, what
would you do ? Would you pray for him ? "
Candid pupil—"No sir; but I would prav
for another like him."
On some railroads it is customary to have
locks on the stove, to prevent a passenger
from meddling with the fire. A wag hav
ing been asked why they locked the stove,
eooly replied that, "It was to prevent the
fire from going out!"
"I fear," said a church minister to his
flock, ' 'when I explained to you in my last
•charity sermon, that philanthropy was the
love of our species, you must have misun
derstood me to say specie, which may ac
count for the smullness of the collection."
At Adrian, Mich., a lady saw an engine
house with a steeple, and innocently asked
a gentleman attendant, ' 'What church is
that ? " The gentleman after reading the
sign, "Deluge No. 3," "I guess it must be
the Third Baptist."
"Peter, my boy, does you understand de
seventh commandment ? "
"Yaw."
"Vat is bim den ?"
"You shall not play ter teyfel mit your
neighbor's ducks."
A certain deacon, being accustomed to
Bnore while asleep in church, he received
the following polite note :
"Deacon is requested not to com
mence snoring to-morrow until the sermon
is begun, as some persons in the neighbor
hood of his pew would like to hear the
text."
Boys, if you don't want to fall in love,
keep away from muslin. You can no more
play with the girls without losing your
heart, than you can play with gamblers
without losing your money. The heart
strings of a woman, like the tendrils of a
vine, are always reaching out for something
to cling to.
A LOVABLE WOMAK.— Here is Words
worth's idea of a lovable woman :
"I saw her, upon nearer view,
A spirit, yet a woman too,
Her household motions light and free,
And steps of virgin liberty,
A countenance in which yon meet,
Sweet records, promises as sweet,
A creature not too bright or good,
For human nature's daily food.
For transient sorrows, single wiles,
Praises, blame, love, kisses, tears and smiles."
I -
There is a good story told of a French
auditor of accounts, who besides being a
good practical joker all his life, played a
trick after he had the power of enjoying it.
He left four large candles to be carried at
his funeral, and they had not been burning
fifteen minutes before they went off aa fire
works.
"Mother, where id the man going to
sleep ? " asked a little girl of fifteen of her
mother, who had just promised a traveler a
night's rest in their out-of-the-way hut.—
"I'll have to put him in with you and Kate
and .Bet and Jack, I suppose," she replied ;
"and if it is too crowded one of you mutt
turn in with me, and dad, and Dick, and
Tommy end the Twins."