ttpmittf Bfiuofrat,
HARVEY SICKLEB,, Publisher.
VOL. VIII.
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JOB WORK
>f all kinds neatly executed and at prices to suit
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Business \otices.
n It. Ai W ELITTLG ATTORNEYS AT
l\ LAW Office on Tioga Street Tunkhannock Pa
HS. COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON
. Newton Centre, LuierneCounty Pa.
UA I„ PARRISH, ATTORNEY AT LAW.
V' Offi-e at the Court House, in Tunkhanoek
Wyoming Co. Pa
M. M. PI A TT, ATTORNEY AT LAW Uf
fice in Stark's Brie k Block Tioga St., Tunk
racnock, Pa
T J IIIASfcT ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL
1 LOR AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, Pa
L-pecial attention given to settlement of dece
dent's estates
Nicholson, Pa.. Dec. 5, 1867 —v"n!9yl
Ml. WILSON, ATTOKNFY AT LAW, Col
• lecting and Real Estate Agent. lowa Lands
ft sale. Seranton, Pa. 38tf.
T W . KHOADS, PHYSICIAN k SURGEON,
J . will attend promptly to all calls in b;s pro
fess! n. May be found at his Office at the Drug
t: re, or at his residence on Putman Sreet, formerly
occupied by A. K. Peckhatn Esq.
PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE,
AND
GSNAMEJITAIi
P AINTINGr,
By )K HUG Bit, Artist.
R*m over the Wyoming National bank,in Etark's
Block,
TUNKHANNOCK, PA.
Life-size Portraits painted from Ambrotypes or
apographs—Photographs Painted in Oil Colors, —
All orders for paintings executed according to or
der, or nocharge made,
Portrait and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water
Cuiurs. and in all branches of the art.
Tank.. July 31, 'ffl -vgnso-tf.
TTUFFORD HOUSET
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.
THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY
l been refitted and lurnished in the latest style.
Ltery attention will be given to the comfort and
• Avenienee of those who patronize the House.
H, HUFFORD. Proprietor,
lankhannock, Pa., June 17, 1368.-—v7n44.
BOLTONHOUSE.
HAHKISBUftG, I'ENNA.
The undersigned having lately purchased the
liUEIILER HOUSE " property, has already com
a's ed such alterations and improvements as will
nuler this old and popular House equal, if not supe
rior. to any Hotel in the City of liarrisburg.
A continuance of the public patronage is refpect
fully solicited.
GEO. J. BOLTON
WALL'S HOTEL,
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/
TU \KUAN NOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.
THIS establishment has recently been refitteJ an
furnished in the latest style Every attention
*l.l be given to the comfort and convenience of those
'ho patronise the House
T. B. W ALL, Owner and Proprietor*.
Tunkhannock, September 11, 1361.
MEANS' HOTEL.
TOWANDA, PA.
P. B- BARTLET,
Late of t„ h BRAIVABI) Hot sr, ELMIRA, N. Y.
PROPRIETOR.
The MEANS HOTEL, Done of the LARGEST
BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt
'* D.ted up in the most modern and improved style
'"ln, pains are spared to make it a pleasantand
'peeable stopping p(ace for all,
v3udl-ly.
FOR SALE CHEAP,
&UTroRM
A 'JEREMIAH CAMPBELLS', Tunkhannock Pa
n49-tf.
NOTICE.
A" persons indebted to me, by note, judgment, or
* K Account, are requested to make payments iin
-eLately and save tost.
T DANIEL WRIGHT
, May 13, 19g3.—n40.
dOO() Yds. DELAINES for 15 cts.
H'jard, *t C. DETRICK'S.
aOOO Yards Best Prints, for
Mctsper yard, at 0, DJSIRICK'S.
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. -WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 23, 1868.
| Latest JVews.
Late arrival of New Goods.
Great Bargains at the New Store of
O. Detrick.,
in S, Stark's Bri;k Block,
AT TUNKHANNOCK, PEI'A.
Having just ret nraed from the City, X am now
opening an entire New Stock of
FALL GOODS,
and one of the lorgoat and riakeat assortments ever
offered in this community. Consisting of
RICH AND FANCY COL'RD DRESS
SILKS,
FRENCH AND ENGLISH MERINOS,
EMrRESS AND PRINCESS CLOTHS,
POPLINS, PAREMETTO3,
BLACK AND COLORED
ALPACCAS WOOL. ARMLRR, PERTH
AND MOUSELIEU DELAINS, INPORTED
AND DOMESTIC GINGHAMS, PRINTS
of Best Manufactures and Latest Styles,
Ladies Cloths and Saequeings, Cloths,
Cassimeres, Vestings,
Satenetts, Tweeds,
Jeans, Cottonades,
Drills, Denims,
Ticks, Checks,
Sheetings
Shirtings, Bleached
A Brown. % Shawls,
Sontags, Hoods.
Furs, Ladies' Reticules, Shopping Bags and Baskets.
TRUNKS, VALISES, and TRAVELING
BAGS,
Latest Styles,
Kid, Silk, Lisle Thread, Cotton 1
Gloves, Hosiery, Notions,
Toilet and Fancy
GOODS," .
FANCY SOAPS, PERFUMERY,
JfC., IfC -,
Black and Colored Velvets,
Ribbonc,
Ruffles,
Frills,
Fringes,
Braids,
Beads, Ball and Bugle Trimmings
A Large quantity LATEST STYLE HOOP SMRT3,
and CORSETTS, direct from Manufacturers, at
grertly reduced prices,
FLANNELS all Colon and Quvktici.
READY MADE
Clottiing,
AND GENTS
Furnishing Goods.
HATS AND CAPS
of Latest Styles,
CALF, KIP, and HEAVY, BOOTS A SHOES.
Ladies'. Misses', and Children's Kid Prunella Mo
rocco and Calf' Gaiters, Shoes, and Slippers,
Wall aad Window Paper, Window
Curtains A Curtain Fix
tures, Carpets A
on -
• Cloths. China,
Glass, and Stone Ware,
Tinware,—made expressly for'this
Trade, and warranted to give satisfaction,
20 per cent. Cheaper than the usual _ rates in htis
section,
Nails,
Spikes,
Iron
Sled,
Horse Shoes.
Horso Shoe Nails,
Nail Rods,
Paints,
Paint Oils,
Painler
Material, Putty, Window Glass, Kerosene 0
Ball, Tarlor, Stand, and Band
Lamps,
Lanterns, Lamp ChimnUs, Shades,
and Burners.
COAL.
ASIITON, TURK ISLAND, A BBL. SALT
FLOUR,
FEED,
MEAL,
BUTTER,
s-EHEESE,
LARD,
PORK.
HAMS,
and FISH. , " V „
SUGAR.
TEA,
COFFEE
SPICES,
SYRUP, A
MOLASSES,
WOOD & WILLOW WARE,
HOPES,
CORDAGE,
BASKETS,
BROOMS,
PAILS,
t TUBS,
WASH BOARDS,
CARPET
SWEEPERS,
BRUSHES, ol all kinds,
PATENT MEDICINES, DRUGS, and DYES
FLAVORING EXTRACTS, Ac., Ac,
These goods have been selected
with great care to suit the wants of
this community, and will be sold as
heretofore, at the lowest living rates
for cash or exchanged for country
produce at market prices. Thankful
for the past liberal patronage, I shall
endeavor by strict attention to my
business, to merit a continuance f
the same, and will try to make the
future still more attractive and ben
eficial to customers.
C. DETRICK.
WHO ABK THE RADICALS P
The Press, last week, republished an ar
ticle from the Indianapolis Journal , head
ed "Who are the Democrats?" AB this
opens an interesting field of inquiry "on
the other side," we subjoin a partial list of
the distinguished Radicals of the country
whtj are advocating the election of Grant
and Colfax. Here are 6ome of the wor
thies: . "
Parson Brewnlow, who said he would
rather go to hell with a loyal negro than
to heaven with a Copperhead, is a Radi
ical.
Carl Sohurz, who publicly announced
that God was an imaginary being, the Bi
ble only fit to. amuse children, and the
Cbrßtain Sabbath a relic of barbarism, is
a Radical. .
Benjamin F. Butler, who took such
good c#re of the silver spoons in the South
that they have never been seen or heard of
since, is a Radical.
• A. Alpeora Bradley, an ex convict from
Sing Sing, and a colored carpet-bagger
who wants to go to Congress, is a Radical.
Parson Kollock, who was expelled from
his parish in Massachusetts on account of
his beastly conduct, is a Radical.
Hector Tyndale, who applauded to the
echo the brutal conduct of the murderer
and incendiary, John Brown, is a Radical.
Nathaniel I', Banks, who proposed to
let the Union slide, is a Radical.
Williom Lloyd Garrison, who denoun
ced the Union and Constitution as a
league with death and a covenant witb'hcll,
is a Radical.
John A. Bingham, who assisted in the
conviction and murder, by a military com
mission, of an innocent woman, is a Radi
cal. i
Edwjn M. Stanton, who helped to
slaughter Union soldiers in the South by
refusing to accede to a fair exchange of
prisoners, is a' Radical.
Simon Cameron, who was compelled by
President Lincoln to resign the office of
Secratary of War, on account of the " hue
and ci) - *' raised against him, and was cen
sured by his own party in Congress, is a
Radical.
John W. Forney, who was forced to re
linquish the lucrative position of Sypratary
of the Senate, by Simon CameroD, on ac
count of serious charges made against him
on the floor of the Senate, is a Radical,
Morton McMichael, Mayor of Philadel
phia, who "went a fishing" when the Pres
ident "came to town" and grossly insulted
the Chief Magistrate of the nation, is a
Radical.
T. C. Callicut, who now is in prison in
New Y'ork for defrauding the government
as Revenue officer is a Iladical.
James M. Ashley, who wanted a gov
ernment appointed for a friend, and wrote
to the latter that in case of his success he
desired to have afiugeriu all the contracts,
is a Radical. ,
Turner, the negro in the Georgia Legis
lature, who denounced the while men of
the country, and aunounced that he inten
ded to call a convention of his people and
"send for carpet-baggers, scallawags, Y'an
"kees, and any body for a Legislature ex
"cept Georgians," is a Radical.
The President of the Union League at
Anderson, Texas, who is now in jail for
stealing, is a Radical.
Horace Greeley, who was willing to
"let the wayward sisters go in peace" when
secession was first threatened in the South,
is a Radical.
The spies and informers who were or
ganized into a band of mercenaries during
the war. and levied black mail on peacetul
and unoffending citizens in the North, are
Radicals ~:
The loyal leaguers who incited the mas
scs to pillage and arson, broke into private
mansions, destroyed printing establish
ments, and muzzled free speech, ore Radi
cals.
The contractors and jobbers who grew
rich by cheating the government, and
helped to swell the natioual debt by their
fearful frauds upon the Treasury, are Rad
icals.
The party, whicb, according to Mr.
Dawes, stole more from the nation in one
year, than the wholo expenses ot Mr.
Buchanan's administration amounted to in
four, is composed of Radicals.
The men who have increased the pub
lic debt, augmented the taxes, broken the
Union, sneered at the Constitution, para
lyzed trade and commerce, advanced the
price in gold, advocated negro equality ne
gro suffrage, established the Freeduieo's
Bureau, built up a standing army at an
enormous cost, disfranchised white men and
enfranchised negroes, suppressed the writ
of habeas corpus, organized military com
missions, created mobs and urged on a ser-
Vile insurrection, knocked judges off of the
bench and persecuted innocent womeu and
children, are Radicals,
This is but a brief chapter of the beau
tics of Radicalism. It is enough, however,
to show how utterly unworthy of public
confidence are the Radical leaders and the
Radical party. It is such meR and enor
mities that have stirred up the popular in
dignation against the party which has be
trayed evciy trust reposed in it, and will
be swept away forever at the next Presi
dential election,
SURVEYOR GENERAL.— If the peoplo
want to reward a real soldier, one who
marched, fought and bled, suffering all tho
hardships and encountering all the dangers
of war, let them vote for Gen. Wellington
H, Ent, and elect him Surveyor General
over the Radical candidate Campbell, who
has no war rocord, and whose only evidence
of soldiarship ia hia commission. If a sol
dier must fill the office, let bim be at least
a genuine one. and not a sham.
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
INTERROGATORIES FOR THE RADI
CAL CANDIDATE.
Will the Don. U. Mercur go before the
people and avow himself in favor of re
trenchment and reform ? Col. Piollet
has publicly announced his determination
to begin a system of retrenchment by re
ducing the salary of the office for which
he is a candidate !
Will the Radical candidato, Mr. Mercur,
come out and state just how much money
he has received from the Treasury for the
three years service he has performed as
member of Congress for this District ?
We want the people to know JUST HOW
MUCH of their money, this grasping, ava
ricious mau has had, for the ardunous
duties he has.performed !
We are aware that the pay of a member
of Congress has reached the enormous sum
of FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS per annum,
Mr. Mercur's advent to Congress; but
this is not all. It is not the half! Let
us know bow much he has received while
travelling with free tickets over the vari
ous Rail-Roads leading to and from the
Capitol! Just the sum he pocketed while
acting as member of the Committee ap
pointed to investigate/'the Southern Rail-
Roads !"
While Mr. Mercur claims great credit
for voting against the increase pay of mem
bers of Congress, what evidence is there
on record, to show that he expressed his
virtuous indignation against this outrage,
by argument or protest 1 Certainly he
pocketed the money, or we should have
had his virtues trumpeted through all
Radical Journals of his District!
Fellow-citizens of the District ; we have
been represented in Congress twenty-two
years, by three Lawyers of no very great
celebrity in their profession, viz : David
Wilmot, Galusha A. Grow and Ulysses
Mercur. Will vou not uphold us in the
effort to change the character of your
representation ? Do you not believe that
your true interests would be better con
sulted by sending a Farmer, a practical
business man, of the character and stand
ing of Col. Piollet, to represent you, and
bring back salaries to a standard com
mensurate with other employments in
which the masses of our people are obliged
to engage!
It is currently alleged that the Post-of
fice Department is deprived of much of its
honest dues by Franked Envelopes with
Mr. Mercur's name Stereotyped on them ;
and these envelopes are used by all the
CLIQUE in Towanda in furthering their
business and political correspondence !
Query ? Are these sold to enchance i
his individual income, or are they given
out gratutiously to members of the Ring ?
Will some member of the Bar be good
enough to inform the people how much
it has cost the county, and how much it
has cost snitors in Court to put over cases
to suit the convenience of Lawyer Mercur,
while he was playing Counsel for individ
uals before the Committee on Claims —or
concerting plans for the impeachment of
the President ?— Bradford Argus.
More Radical Plundering.
A week or ten days ago it was announ
ced that the several members of a promi
nent Radical firm in Bufialo bad been ar
rested, charged with frauds upon the Gov
ernment during the last seven years
amounting to more than half a million of
dollars. On Tuesday, as a fit companion
to the arrest of Commissioner Rollins and
Deputy Commissioner Harlan, a number
of other Radical officials in the Post Office,
Auditor General's and Public Printing
departments at Washingtou were arrested
on tlie charge of being in conspiracy with
these Buffalo depredators. Their MODUS
OPERANDI has been as follows: When
requisitions were made for twine, paper,
<fcc, upon the Buffalo contractors, it was
the practice of these Washington officials
to credit the contractors with the entire
amount of the requisition, though one
half the goods ordered were received.—
The profits, which during the time this
most scoundrelly proceeding has been car
ried on, amounted to over HALF A MILLI
LION OF DOLLARS, have been divided among
these Government thieves. It is thus that
the people's money is stolen and put into
the pockets of the plundering crew that
tor eight years past have had undisputed
possession of the Government. Is it any
wonder that the national debt is increasiug
month after month—that a score of milli
ons of dollars has been added to it within
the last sixty days ? Surely the day for
reform must speedily come, or the nation
will be hopelessly bankrupted.
A SCATHING EXPOSE!—W. J. blanker
an assistant door-keeper of the House of
Representatives, and an out-and-out Radi
cal, has published a Statement in relation
to the conduct of that department, which
shows that for dowurighi swindling Radi
cal officials excel anything on record. —
He states that "he called the attention of
several members to some of the more
shameful abuses in regard to the subject
but to no purpose," until bo "became sat
isfied that this scandalous waste of money
would never be stopped, or honestly in
quired into while the present party was in
power." He calls upon the people, if
they would save themselves from the most
abject vassalage and dependence upon tlie
will of the moneyed aristocracy, to hurl
from power, with the ballot, the party
which has been guilty of such gross and
shameful corruption.
Some wag says that the Radicals
make as much fuss over the election in
Vermont as if this was the first time she
ever strayed from the path of virtue. It's
their first baby this year, however, and
they have a right to crow lustily.
WORDS OF WISDOM.
The satisfaction we receive from scandal
doubtless arises from the assurance it gives
us that others are no better than ourselves.
Charity.—When charity walks into the
lowest places of want, wc see the beautiful
purity of her robes most distinctly.
Opinion and Confirmation.—No matter
how firmly we believe an opinion, it is al
ways strengthened by another's assent.
It has been beautifully said that "the
veil which covers the face of futurity is wo
ven by the bands of mercy."
Truth.—The truth should be maintained
without protestations. It loses dignity if
too much asservated.
One of the most important rules in the
science of manner is an almost absolute si
lence in regard to yourself.
Men and Women.—The men who flat
ter the women do not know them sufficient
ly; and the men who only abuse them do
not know thetn at all.
The essence of true nobility is neglect of
self. Let the thought of self pass in and (
the beauty of great action is gone, like the
bloom of a soild flower.
Politeness and kind Attentions. —The
forms and cerimonies of politeness may be
dispensed with in a measure, in the relax
ations and intimacies of one's own fireside,
but kind attentions never.
Try the effect of good will and hope up
on the man who has wrapt himself in the
covering of a reckless and sullen dispair,
and you will sec verified the old apologue
of the sun, the wind and the traveler.
Patience and Censure.—Pope Julius
111, ordered all the attacts upon him and
his government to be laid before him. "If
true," said he, "they will serve, for counsel;
if false, for diversion."
It is an old saying and a true one that
God helps those who help themselves. In
an immense majority of cases the circum
stances by which men suffer themselves to
be overcome might be controlled and sur
mounted by vigorous effort,
GRANT AS A GENERAL - —Greeley, in his
history of the war of the Rebellion, has the
following in relation to one of Grant's bat
tles :
"Twenty minutes after the first shot was
fired fully 10,000 of our men were stretch
ed and writhing on the sod or still and
calm in death, while the enemy,s loss was
probably little more than a 1,000. And
when, hours latter, orders were sent to each
corps commdnaer to renew the assault at
once, without regard to any other, the men
simply and unanimously refused to obey it.
They knew that success was hopeless, and
the attempt to gain it murderous, hence
thsv refused to be sacrificed to no purpose."
That was not the only battle in wliieh
Grant exposed his army to useless butchery.
jCSTIf our readers do not think it re
quires nerve to edit a paper out West, let
them read this, the experience of "one of
them fellers," as told by himself —"One
evening, it was moonlight in tho summer
time we sat alone on the porch by the cot
tage door, holding that little white hand in
a gentle pressure, one arm had stolen
around her'waist, and a silent song of joy,
'like music of the night,' was on our soul.
Our lips met in a sweet, delicious, kiss,
and, bending softly to her ear, we whisper
ed a tale of passionate devotion—we pro
posed. In a moment she tore her hand
from ours, and with a look of ineffable
acorn, said—"What! I marry an editor !
You get out !" We slid."
gg*The Radicals have been shouting
themselves hoarse because they did not
lose Vermont. Their majority in 1864
was over 29,000, and now it is several
thousand less. If they aro so wonderfully
jubilant over such a loss tbey must hSve
considered their party to be in a very des
perate condition indeed. We expect them
to carry most of the Yankee States by re
duced majorities, but when it comes to the
great Middle and Western States they will
have no show.
ifSTllere is an incident illustrating Rad
ical rule in Virginia: A traveler, a few days
ago, stopped at a house occupied hy two
ladies only. In the night he beard a noise
and went to the head of the stairs. A ne
gro's head appeared, and he shot it.
Another, and he shot that. Then going
down stairs, he found a negro in the ladies'
room and after shooting him, had leisure to
examine and find that both girls lay with
their throats cut. "Let us have peace."
Grant and Colfax Club has been
started in Cincinnati, undeer tho name of
"Carpet Baggers." Now let another be
started of the name of the "Butler Spoon
ers," or the "Sheridan House breakers," or
the "Kilpatrick Woman Flankers," or "Fe
malo Wardrobes," or tho "Neal Dow Pi
ano Snatchers !" All these names arc in
harmony with "Carpet-Baggers." and all
are excellent names for Grant and Colfax
Clubs.
gentle Anna Dickinson, it is
said, has refused to stump for Grant on
the ground that "he is too heavy a load
to carry." Is he heavier than Fred
Douglass, say, gentle Anna ?
F. Butler, who fought
at Big Bethel, and invented the famous
powder boat, wishes to speak in behalf of
his old friend Grant, who bottled him up
but afterwards uncorked bim, and is ex
pected to give a full account of the stand
ard weight of silver spoons in tho South.
Binckley Is preparing are
port in relation to the frauds, upon the Rev*
enue and Rollins' connection therewith.
COL. V. E. PIOLLET
Voters of the Thirteenth Congressional
District, you have placed in nomination
for the office of Representative in Con
gress, a gentleman who is truly a Repre
sentative man. Having worked his way
up along the arduous avenue of life uu
aided ; gaining that practical education of
men and business that comes only by the
most stubborn attrition, and subtle obser
vation—he stands before the people to-day
—the peer of any collegian, the second to
no man in versatility of talent and rare
forensic ability, in Northern Pennsylva
nia.
In Victor E, Piollet you have a man
capable of defendiug your interests be
fore any tribunal. With the moral cour
age, and positive force to stand up and do
battle for the rights of the tax-ridden
masses, by speech and protest in language
unequivocal, instead of silently voting or
mysteriously disappearing, when qnestions
of doubtful popularity are to be acted upon !
Farmers, you have in him a defender of
your calling ! one who has followed the
plow "from early morn to dewy eve," and
eaten bread in the sweat of bis face,
through the long, hot days of summer—
feeling that rich consciousness of duty
well performed, that only he can feel, who
has "caused two blades of grass to grow
where only one had grown before."
Business men of all kinds, we call upon
you to look to the men who are to shape
the destiny of your future. See to it that
they are men who are interested in ad
vancing the productive industry of your
country. Discountenance the men who
would array labor against capital by levy
ing unequal taxation, or by the exemption
of any one class of standard values, from
the payment of their just proportion of the
national indebtedness, equitably resting
upon all interests alike.
Begin a system of retrenchment and re
form.
Curtail the vast expenditures, each year
growing greater—labelled miscellaneous
and incidental. Set your faces against
corruption, and give your support to a
party of equal taxes and just laws, whose
advocate and representative stands boldly
forth, in the person of the man who heads
this article.— Bradford Argus.
LABORING MEN MOVING. —AII over
the country the laboring people are mov
ing in favor of the Democracy. They
want no more of Jacobin oppression, in
tolerance, bigotry, hate, Puritanism and
fanaticism. They are tired of putting in
tho extra hours to support a
Useless Standing Army.
A Corrupt and Rotten Navy
A Freedmen's Bureau.
An extra tax to pay the Bonds in Gold.
An extra tax to support Jacobin thieves
in offices.
They are beginning to see that they did
wrong in ever forsakiDg the good old de
mocracy. They see now that they should
always have stood by the party that was
ever their lriends. But they are coming
to their country's rescue, nobly, manfully.
And as they come joyfully into the Dem
ocratic fold, they come singing :
"We'll meet you Mr. Bondholder,
We'll meet you on the spot.
Where we'll stop your cutting coupons
From our little house and lot!"
DAVE JOHNSON'S LAST.
Dave reports the following from Atlanta.
An Atlanta clerk loses his situation by
voting and electioneering ior Bullock—
whereupon he "bones the Governor for
office." Enter clerk :
Clerk—Governor. I have been dis
charged from a good situation by voting
for you. I want a oonductorship on the
State Road.
Governor —"Did you ever fill tho posi
tion of conductor ? "
Clerk—"No, sir."
Governor —"Have you any experience
in Railroad matters ? "
Clerk—"No, sir."
Governor —"Have you any recommen
dations from Railroad men ?
Clerk—No, sir."
Governor —"Then why do you expect
to get the situation 1 "
Clerk—"Mr. Bullock, was you ever
Governor before ? Have you any expe
rience as Governor ? Have you any rec
ommendations from Governors?"
Governor—"No, sir."
Clerk—"Then how do you expect to
run the machine ? "
(Governor rings for a lackey.) "Tell
Mr. Uulbert to provide lor this man ;he
is getting annoying."
LEIGH RITCHE AND TOE BEOGAR—
When Leigh Ritche was travelling in
Ireland, he passed a man who was a pain
ful spectacle of pallor, squallor and rag
gedness. His heart smote him, and he
turned back.
"If you are in want," said Ritche, "why
don't you beg ?"
"Surely, it's beggin' I am, yer honor."
"You didn't say a word."
"Of course not, yer honor ; but see how
the skin is spakin' through me trowsers !
and the bones cryin' out through mo skin 1
Look at my sunken chakes, and the famine
starin' in me eyes! Man alive, isn't it
beggin' lam with a thousand tongues?"
S&T "Blair saved Missouri from seces
sion in 1861, and he aud Seymour will
save the country from tho Radicals in
1868."
sis~ A nogro after gazing at the Chinese,
exclaimed, "If tho white folks is dark as
dat out dare, I wonder what's de color ob
de niggers ?"
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance. ,
pise aub oHjerto*.
The man who wishes to vote for the uc
cessful candidates, must vote with the party
that favors the supremacy of the white man—*
equal taxation and greenbacks or gold for
both rich and poor— for Seymour and Blair.
Should a man who OWDS three thousand
dollars worth of government bonds, pay no
taxes, and the man who owns a house and lot
worth that amount pay all ? Grant's party
says yes, Seymour's says no.
The " Peace " that Grant and Radicalism
will get by the November elections will be a
" piece of the public mind," that will consign
them to eternal and deserved political dis
grace.
It was " hard tacks " for the soldier during
the war, it is high tax for him now.
Grant '• takes well," says a Radical ex
change. About the only thing he takea is
whiskey.
Wo are told that a contented man is hap
py, and we might hare been told at the same
time that a mud turtle could fly if it only
had wings.
A Wilmington (N. C.) negro said to a car.
pet bagger recently : " Under your teachings
you have alienated from us the mass of the
white people, North as well (as South ; you
have got the offices and emoluments, while
we have done the work and stand out in the
cold. For one lam done with you."
Those who remember Captain Magruder as
a captain of artillery, at Newport, will enjoy
the following: "In 1803, Magruder, then a
Confederate general, had camped at a com
fortable place and made his headquarters at a
Country house with broad, cool verandahs.
Dinner for himself and staff was placed on
the table, when a reckless youDg Kentuckian
passed by, looked at the spread, and, liking
it, quietly sat down, regardless of the com
pany, and began to eat. "My friend," said
Magruder, sternly, " do you know in whose
company you are dining?" " Company !" re
plied Kentucky, " no, I used to be very par
ticular about company, but sioce I got to be
a soldier I don't care a red who I eat with."
An ugly old bachelor sßggests that births
should be printed under the head of " netr
music."
" I say, Bill, Jim's got scragged for steal-*
ing a horse." "Served him right; "why
didn't ho buy one and not pay for it, like any
other gentleman."
" I say, Mr. pilot, ain't you going to start
soon ?" asi&ed a nervous traveler on a steam
boat during a fog. •' As soon as the fog
clears up," replied the captain. " Well, it is
star-light now, overhead," said the man.—
" Oh, yes, but we are not going that way."
A young lady—a sensible girl—gives the
following catalogue of different kinds of love :
" The sweetest a mother's love ; the longest,
a brother's love; the strongest, a woman's
love ; the dearest, a man's love ; and the
sweetest, longest, strongest, dearest love—a
" love of a bonnet.' "
A drunken Englishman said to Judge Led
with, " Your honor, I'm a nobleman in dis
guise." "So I perceive," replied the Judge,
you're disguised in liquor, and drunk as a
lord."
A western paper says that the editor of its
rival sheet was skating recently and broke
through the ice. lie went in up to his ears,
but the hole was uot large enough to leg
them through. While he was waiting for
some one to lake htm out, his ears froze, and
they have since been amputated and are now
used for door mats.
A lady having been invited to send in a
toast to be read at the anniversary celebra
tion of the Pilgrim Fathers, furnished the
following:
The Pilgrim Fathers, forsooth. What bad
they to endure iu comparison to tba Pilgrim
Motheis! they had not only these to endure,
but thoy had Pilgrim Fathers also! and yet
their names are never mentioned. Whoever
writes songs, drinks or makes speeches ia re
collection of them ? This self sufficiency of
the men is beyond endurance. One would
actually suppose that New Eogland had bees
colonized by tho men, and posterity provided
for by a special provideoce.
Drunkenness and extravagance in dress
are the most social vices," said the Rev. Dr.
Teaser. " I beg your pardon, uncle, but I
think there is a social vice more common than
either of them, and one to which you are
yourself much addicted," responded bis
nephew Tom. " Name it," said the uncle,
aghast. "Ad-vice," rejoined the audacious
Tom.
Among the gifts to a newly married pair at
a town in New Jersey the other evening, was
a broom seDt to tho lady, accompanied with
the following sentiment:
" This triflmg gift accept from me,
Its use I would commend ;
In sunshine use the brushy part,
In Btorms ths other end."
A gentleman traveling on a steamer, on*
day was making way with a large pudding
close by, when he was told by a servant that
it waa dessert. "It matters not to me," said
he, " I would eat it if it were a wilderness."
Time is a file that wears and makea AO
noise.
NO. 8.