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lipmiiti .iraEL Democrat,
HARVEY* SICKLER, Publisher
A Democratic weekly ..
paper devoted to Poll "Jsjjrjfcl //j
cirt News, the Arts /Jj
it I Sciences Ac. Pub- 1
jiT, at Tunkhannock JllT
Wyoming Couoty, Pa y\ ' V £j|2 o—| ■
3Y HARV Y SICKLER
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Business \of ices*
iuk W B UTTLB ATTORNEYS AT
LAW Office on Tioga Street Tunkhannoek Pa
H" S. COOPER. PHYSICIAN * SURGEON
• Newton Centre, Luierno County Pa.
1,7 I'd K R I*ll, ATTORNEY AT LAW.
• Ofti-e at the Court House, in Tunhhanock
Wyoming Co. Pa. _ _ _
U" i M. M. I*l A 11, AiIOKNLI Ai LAW of
fice in Stark's Brie k Block Tioga St., Tunk
rji J CHASI,. ATTORNEY AND COUNS EL
JL • LOR AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, Pa
L- r ecial attention given to settlement of dece
Nicholson, Pa. Doc 5, 18fi7 —f7Myl
Ml. WIIXAK, ATTORNFY" AT LAW, Col
# lecting and Real Estate Agent. lowa Lands
fr tale. ScramoD, Pa. 38tf.
7 \V, KHOAD*. PHYSICIAN .fc SURGEON,
J t will attend promptly to all calls in bis pro
fes-.jn. May be initial at hi? Office at the Drug
liiare. or at bis resilience on i'utman Sieet, lormerly
•ccupied by A. K. Beckham Esq.
DR. L T. BURNS has permanently located in
Tunkhannock Borough, and respectfully tenders
hit professional services to its citizens.
Office on second floor, formerly occupied by Dr.
r* i\r TTivro,
Sv It'. HUG Ell, Artist.
Booms over the Wyoming Nationa!bsnk,inStark'
Life-sire Portraits painted from Ambrotypes or
holographs Photographs Painted in OilCrlors. —
All orders for paintings executed according to or
der, or no charge made.
\ Instructions given in Drawing, Sketching,
Portrait ari l Landscape Painting, in Oil or water
Colors, and in all branches of the art,
Tunk.. July 31, "fi7 -vgnoO-tf.
TUNKHANNOCK. WYOMING CO., PA.
THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY
been refitted anl furnished in the latest style.
Every attention will be given to the comfort and
•onvemtnee ot those who patron ire the House.
H, lII'FKORD. Proprietor.
Tunkhannock, Pa., June 17, 1368 v7n44.
HAIUUSm RO, PIGNNA.
The undersigned having lately purchased the
" BUEIILER HOUSE " property, has already cotn
■enced such alterations and improvements as will
render this old and popular House equal, if not supe
rior, to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg.
A continuance of the public patronage is refpect
GEO. J. BOLTON
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.
THIS establishment has recently been refitted an
furnished in the latest style Every attention
•nil be given to the comfort and convenience ol those
•ho patronize the House. _ .
T. B WALL, Owner and Proprietor*.
Tunkhannock, September 11. 1861.
T>. B- BARTLET,
ILateolt- m BRAIWARD HOUSE, KLMIKA, N. Y.
The MEANS HOTEL, i-one of the LARGEST
Ml BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt
B fitted up in the most modern and improved style
nd no pains are spared to make it a pleasautaud
agreeable stopping pjace for all,
FOR PALE CHEAP,
A* JEREMIAH CAMPBELLS', Tui.khaimook P*.
TDNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.-WEDNESDAY, AUG. 20, 1868.
Spring Trade for -68
Will open on or about the Ist of May,
AT TUNKHANNOCK. PENN'A.
(srCCBSSOR TO BUNNELL 4 BANNATYNB,)
Froposes to establish himself permanently
in trade at this place, at the Brick
store house in Sam'l Stark's Block,
where by fair dealing and fair
prices he expects to merit and
receive the pnblic patronage.
Attentiou is called to the following in
Dry Goods :
BLEACHED AND BROWN MUSLINS,
CLOTHS AND CASSIMERES
GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS
FISH of all kinds,
A FULL ASSORTMENT.
OF ALL KINDS,
MEN'S AND BOYS'
Hats and Caps.
Boots $ Shoes,
A FULL ASSORTMENT.
This branch of business made a speciality. A lot of
SEWED ARMY SHOES,
A GREAT BARGAIN,
in great variety.
All kindi ol Produce taken in exchange for Goods
The above articles will be kept in fall assortment.
I mean to make the experiment of goods sold in
quantites cheaper than ever before in this vtcioity,
I shall b. happy to see you, and ycu can depend up
on finding bargains In every uepwrtment. Goods re
ceived every week.
[ From the Bloomdiurg Columbian.]
A NEW OLD HAT.
BY COL. KHKE7.B.
When this oDI hat was new
Atl parties were intent
To nominate a statesman, fit
To be our President;
But now Ben Butler's Radicals
Their former faith recant,
And put to be roted for,
The shoulder-straps of Qrant.
When this old hat was new
The Union was complete,
Nor were ten equal, sovereign States,
Trod under Sambo's feet ;
Nor will they long thus subject be,
In spite of Cuffue's vaunt,
Unless jhe vote is given lor
The shoulder-straps of Grant,
When this old hat was new
Each man could right bis cause,
Nor did the gloaming bayonet
Usurped the place of laws ;
Bat soon again the civil rule
Will tyranny supplant,
Uuloss the vote is given for
Tho shoulder-straps of Grant.
When this old hat was new
Full t happy were we all,
With gold and silver in our purse,
We l'eared no.debtor's thrall;
Now, small will grow our p>eket-books,
And gaunt # and still more gaunt,
If e'cr.the vote; is given for
. The shoulder-straps of Grant.
W heu this old hat was new
This government to run,
But sixty million dollars cost,
And then it went like fun ;
But now, THREE HUNDRED MILLIONS
The people toil and pant,
And swear their votes shall not be for
The shoulder-straps of Grant,
The Phila. Evening Bulletin (Rad
ical ) publishes without comment, the fol
lowing striking speech hy Howell Cobb, j
Let every white man and woman read it : j
You ask me about the negro how to act j
in regard to him. I reply: Treat him ]
justly, generous, kindly. Undeceive hiin. j
When the cunning, thieving, miserable !
wretches who are traveling through the j
country try to deceive him. go to him and j
tell him the truth. Tell him that the
charge that you want to put him into sla- ,
very again is false. Tell hint that you are J
now, as you have always been, bis best ]
and truest friend. Tell him to inquire 1
who were his worst enemies in the days j
of slavery—and he w ill find that they j
were these miserable scalawags who are i
now pretending to be his best friends.— j
Their masters were their best friends in j
those days, and those who were their
masters then are their best fiienda now,
and will continue to be good to them.—
I never talk politics with my negroes, and
vet tbewvoted with me, and will do it
again. The only argument I offered them
was four pounds of bacon, one peek of meal,
a quart of potatoes, a good doctor when
sick, and one fourth of my crop. That's
the very best argument vou can offer them.
Tiy it. You will find that it will convince
all sensible negroes. I don't intend to de
ceive these negroes. I don't want to put
the idea into your heads that you can con
trol this country. You cannot do it. If
you don't know this you ought to. The
white people will control it. If they
should wrong yon in any way, or attempt
to deprive you of any of your legal l ights,
I will stand by you and defend you —at j
the court house, here, everywhere, in pro- '
tecting you in the enjoyment of all your I
civil rights. These people will vote for i
yon, my friends, if you will be candid
with them and tell them these truths.— j
Hut suppose that the present state of'
things continues—suppose tlint negro rule
becomes foisted upon this State, what will 1
be onr condition 1 I would ask the good
men of the North to reflect upon the re
sult ;to look upon these mothers, these
daughters, these little children, these
good men and true ; and I would say to >
them : Do you think that these women
and children and good men ought to be
placed under negro rule? Do you be
lieve that the negro ought to be elevated
to a social eqnaltty with them ? Do you
believe that our parlors and our d'ning
rooms should be thrown open and the
negro invited to come into them, into the
societv of onr families? Tell me, ye men
ot the North, have yon mothers, daughters
and sisters ? Look at that little one
kneeling around its mother's knee ; see
the tear-drop glistening in that mother's
eyes ; see that sister clinging to her pa
rents and asking for protection from these
outrages. Oh men of the North would to
God that you could stand here and see
these women, in their tears growing pret
tier and prettier ; these children, in their
: supplications growing sweeter and sweet
er. Tell me, could you, sec this bring
them down to the degradation of negro
equallity ? They could not but respond
to such an appeal in your behalf, my
friends. And if they could not resist it,
oh. my countrymen, how can you resist
it ? I call upon yon, then, not to over
; throw your government, but to preserve
your Constitution and the institutions of
vour country, and in ambition's wild hour
never forget these women aod children
was hoped Pant A. Loon would
refoim, but he is seen growing tighter and
tighter on lbs streets daily.
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
DR. JOHNSON'S PUDDING.
One summer I made a visit to Scotland,!
with the intention of completing my series
of my views, and went over tke same ground
described hy the learned tourists, Dr. John
son and Boswell. lam in the habit of ta
king very U.ng walks on these occasions;
perceiving a storm threaten, I made the
best of iny way to a smi'.l inn, and was re?
ceived hy a respectable looking man and
his wife, who did all in their power to make
me comfortable. Alter eating some excel
lent fried mutton-chops, and drinking a
quart of ale, 1 asked the landlord to par
take of a bowl of wiskey punch. I found
him, as the Scotch gcnnerally are, very in
telligent and full of anecdote, of which the
following may serve as a specimen :
Sir, said the landlord, this inn was for
merly kept by Andrew Maegregor, a rel
ative of mine; and these hard bottom chairs
(in which we are now sitting) were, years
ago, fillt-d with the great tourists, Dr. John
son and Boswell, travelling like the lion
and jackal. Boswell, generally piecceded
the Doctor in search of food, and, being
now pleased with the looks of the house,
followed hi? nose into the larder, where tie
saw a fine leg of mutton. He ordered it to
be rousted with the utmost expedition,and
gave particular orders for a nice pudding, j
"Now," says he,' make the best of all
Elated wit!) his good luck, he immedi
ately went out in search of his friend, and i
saw the giant of learning slowly advancing i
on a pony.
"Mv dear sir," said Boswell out of
breath, "_ ood news! I have just bespoke
at a comfortable and clean inn here, a de
licious lg of mutton; it is now getting
ready, and I flatter myself that we shall
have an excellent meal."
"And I hope," said he, "you have be
spoke a pudding "
".Sir, you will have your favorits pud
ding." replied the other.
Johnson got off the pony, and the poor
animal, relieved front the giant, smelt his
way into the stable. Boswell ushered the
Doctor into the house, and left him for his
de ieio s treat. Johnson feeling his coat
rather damp, from the mist of the tnoun- •
tains, went into the kitchen, and threw his j
upper garment on a chair before the fire ; |
he sat on a hob, near a little hoy who was !
busy attending the meat. Johnson occ i- J
sionally peeped from behind his coat, while j
the bov kept basting the mutton. John- j
son did not iike the appearance of his head;!
when he shifted the basting ladle from one |
hand, the otln r baud was never idle, and |
the Doctor thought at the same time he
saw something l'all on the meat; upon
which he. determined to eat no mutton on
that day. The dinner announced, Boswell
"My dear Doctor, here comes the mut
ton ! What a picture ! Done to a turn,
and looks so beautifully brown !"
The Doctor tittered. After a* short
grace. Boswell said:
"I suppose 1 am to carve, as usual what
part shall 1 help you to?"
The Doctor replied :
My dear Bozy, I did not like to tell you
before, hut I am determined to abstain
from meal to-day."
"O dear ! this is great disappointment,"
"Say no more; I shall make myself am
ple amends with the pudding."
Boswell commenced the attack, and
made the first cut on the mutton.
"How the gravy runs; w hat fine flavor
ed hit; so nice ami brown, too. Oh, sir,
you would iiave relished this prime piece
The meat being removed, in came the
long witlied for pudding. The Doctor
looked joyous, fell eagerly to, and in a few
moments nearly finished the pudding.—
The table was cleared and Boswell said;
' Doe.ter, while I was eating the mutton,
you seemed frequently inclined to laugh;
pray, tell me what tickled youi fancy."
The Doctor then literally told liirn all
that bad passed at the kitchen fire about the
boy and the basting. Boswell turned white
as a parsmp and, sick of himself and the
company, darted out of the room. Some
what relieved, on returning, he insisted on
seeing the duty little rascally boy, whom
he severely reprimanded before Johnson.
The poor boy cried —the Doctor laughed
"You little, filthy, sniveling hound,"
said Boswell' "when yon hasted the meat,
why did you not put on the cap I taw yon
in this morning ?"
"I couldn't sir," said the boy.
"No ! Why couldn't yon ?" said Boswell.
"Because my mammy took it from me
to boil the pudding in !"
The Doctor gathered up his herculean
frame, stood erect, touched the ceiling with
his wig, stared or squinted; indeed, looked
any wiay but the right way. At last, with
month wide open (none of the smallest)
and stomach heaving, he with some diffi
culty recovered his breath, and, looking at
i Boswell with dignified contempt, lie toared
out with the lungs of a stentor.
"Mr. Boswell, sir, leave off laughing, and
under pain of my eternal displeasure, nev
er utter a single syllable of this abomina
ble adventure to any soul living while you
And such, said mine host, you have the
positive fact from the simple mouth of
your humble servant.
MINE Fmu.—A German wrote an obitu
ary on the death of his wife, of which the
fetlowing is a copy : "If mine wife bad lived
until next Friday she would have been dead
sbust -.wo weeks. Nothing is posstblo with
the Almighty. As de tree falls BO must it
A NEW LOVE TEST.
The English papers tell of a sentimen
tal individual named Stanhope, who, hav
ing become possessed with the notion that
hi* wife was not 90 fond of him as she
should be. resolved to put her love to the
test. This he did by banging himself in
effigy in the attic, and concealed himself
where he could watch the effort of the
spectacle. Here is the sequel :
After a while his daughter came up
after a skipping rope, and caught a glimpse
of the suspended figure. She ran down
the stairs, screaming, "Oh mother, moth
er ! pappy hung himself." "Now for it,"
thought Felix, in ambuscade, "we shall
have a touching scene presently."—
"Hung himself," he heard Mrs. Stanhope
repeat, as she walked leisurely up stairs,
"lie hasn't got pluck enough for such a
thing or he would have done it long ago.
Well, I believe he has done it, however."
she said, as she came in view of Felix's
representative. Molly, (to the girl, ) I
think lie ought to be cut down. You had
better go into the kitchen and get a knife
my dear ; but don't go down too fa*t or
you might fall and hurt yourself. Stay,
I forgot. There is no knife in the kit
chen sharp enough. You had better go
around to Mr. Holmes, the shoemaker—
he's only four streets off—tell him to whet
it before he sends it. And, Molly, when
you are in the neighborhood, you can
stop at Aunt So key's and ask how the ba
by is. And, Molly you can stop at the
grocci's shop as you come back and get a
pound of sugar."
" Poor Felix ! " sighed Mrs. Stanhope,
when her daughter had departed. I hope
we shall get hiin down before the vital
spark's extinct, for these burying are
very troublesome, and cost money. He
wanted to put an end to himself, too ; and
I think I ought to let liirn have his own
way for once in his life; he used to say
that 1 was always crossing him. I wish
he hadn't spoil.id that new clothes line ;
an old rope might have answered his pur
pose." Here a voice, which sounded like
that of the supposed suicide, broke in
upon Mrs. Stanhope, thinking this must
he a ghostly exclamation, utteied a wild
scream, and attempted to tscapc down
the narrow staircase. Felix, starting from
his place of concealment, gave chase.—
Mrs. Stanhope stumbled midway on the
flight of stairs, and Mr. Stanhope having
ju>t reached her, ami made a gra?p at her
disheveled hair as it streamed backward,
the arnible partners were precipitated to
the bottom together; both were badly in
You SITXN'T SLEEP WITH ME. —Mr.
Piikerson, a small farmer in Pennsylvania
was drafted into the aimy. The wife,
though possessed but a little stock of gen
eral information, is one of the best of
conjugal partners, and she was much
troubled at the thought of parting wiih
her husband. As siie was engaged in
scrubbing off the door steps, a rough look
ing man walked up and thus addressed
" I hear, madam, that your husband
has been drafted."
" Yes, sir, he has," answered Mrs. Pii
kerson, " though d'-ar knows there are
few men that couldn't be better spared
from their families."
' Well madam, I have come to offer
myself as a substitute for him."
" A what ? " asked Mrs. Piikerson with
"1 am willing to take his place, " said
44 You take the place of my husband
and sleep with me—yon nasty, dirty
wretch ! I'll teach you to insult a dis
tressed woman in that way, yon vagabond !'
said she as she discharged the dirty soap
suds in the face of the discomfited substi
tute who took to his heels just in time to
escape having his head broken with the
An action cannot be perfectly good, un
less it is pure in its motives; that is unless
the motives are virtuous, and free from any
mixture of vice.
If we commit small faults without re
gret to-day, we shall commit greater ones
Pride is the most ridiculous and foolish
of all vices.
In everything we do, however trifling,
we ought to reflect and teason, otherwise
we shall never do anything well.
Idleness renders us unfit for anything.
Flatterv is more perjudicial than rude
ness or anger.
We owe the greatest gratitude to those
who tell us the truth.
Calumny is the voice of those who
have neither a good heart or a good un
We ought never to believe ill of any
one till we are ceitain of it. We ought
not to sav anything that is rude and dis
pleasing in joke and even then we ought
not cari v the joke too far.
The longer the saw of contention is
drawn the hotter it grows.
In matters of conscience, first thoughts
are best. In matters of prudence, the
last thoughts are best.
Lving is a vice so very infamous that
the greatest liar cannot bear it in other
Nothing can be more touching
than to behold a soft and tender female,
who has been all weakness and depen
dence, and alive to every trivial roughness
while treading the prosperous paths of
life, suddenly rising in mental force to be
the comforter of her husband in misfor
VERBAL CURIOSITIES OF THE EN
GLISH LANGUAGE. "
How different the action descibed in
! scouting a foriest and scouring floor; in
i skimming the sea and skirnmir.g milk; in
breaking a dish, breaking a colt, and break
j ing a commandment; in catching a train
and catching a cold; in falling in a ditch,
falling in love, falling in your own estima
tion, and falling in with a friend, or falling
! out of a cariiagc. So you might read of a
museum of wonders, illuminated by the light
' cf other days; furnished with music played
on the feelings by the man who, having low
ered his voice by means of ropes, murdered
a tune, but subsequently tried his voice and
acequitted himself with ease; with wails
hung with pictures of despair; with a libra
ry filled partly with volumes of sound and
partly with volumes of smoke, and where
might be seen the lady who sat on the lapse
of ages; the attorney's clerk who engrossed
a man's attention; the mathematician who
is so devoted to figures that he frequently
casts up his eyes; the gitl who was saved
in a shipwreck by clinging to a forlorn hope;
a man who was wounded l>y sitting down on
the spur of the moment; the acrobat who
jumped at conclusions; the cup of sorrow
that overflowed; the chains which bound a
freeborn mind; the tickling of atl oyster
bed; the receipt given to a man who paid
his respects; the suspenders used by the
breeches of trust; the quiver which was ob
served in the voice of a£njarrow minded
man; a lock of bair from the bead of a dis
course, and one from the head of cabbage;
a flat iron to smooth ruffled tempers; a phial
of tears from a weeping willow; a button
from coat of a stomach; a sheaf from the
shock of an earthquake, and many other
articles equally rare and interesting.
THE DESERTIONS CONTINUE.
The l'ittsburg Post says it has the names
of eighty-two Republicans of that city, who
have joined Seymour and Blair Clubs, and
will vote the entire Democratic ticket at the
Gen. A. S. Pitt, who has hitherto been a
leading Republican in Logan county, Ohio,
made a speech at the Urbana Democratic
Club on Saturday last, declaring in favor
of Seymour arid Blair. Tiie Democratic
books are still open, and new enrollments
are being made daily.
The Hon. Richard Gregg, of Aurora,
Decrborn county, Ind.. a life-long Whig,
and a Republican at the organization of that
party, came out in a public speech in Au
rora, last week, for Seymour snd Blair.
The Warrick Herald is greatly disgusted
because Mr. C. D. Robertson, hitherto a
strong Republican, has renounced that party
and made a speech at a Seymour ratification
meeting in Boonvilie, a few days since.—
It calls him "traitor," renegade, &c.
Within a circle of five miles from this
place, says the Bellefonte Watchmtn, we
have the n imes of forty-three men who
have all their lives voted with opposition,
and who are earnestly woiktng for the suc
cess of Seymour and Blair.
TjTACH THE WOMEN TO SAVE.
There is a secret! A saving woman at
the head of a family is the very best saving
bank vet established —one who receives de
posits daily and hourly with no costly ma
chinery to manage it. The idea of saving
is a pleasant one, and if the women would
imbibe it at once, they would cultivate and
adhere to it, would be laying the founda
tion of a competent security in a stormy
time, and shelter in a rainy day. The wo
man who sees to her own house, has a large
field to save in. The best way to make
them comprehend it is to keep an account
of all current expenses. Probably not one
woman in ten lias an idea of how much
are the expenditures of herself arid family.
Where from one to two thousand oollars
are expended annualy, there is a chance to
save something if the effort is only made
Let the house wife take the idea, act upon
it, and she will save many dollars, perhaps
hundreds, where before she thought it im
possible. This is a duty, yet not a prompt
ing of avarice, but a moral obligation that
rests upon the woman as well as the man.
A Bio STRAW —Mr. J. M BoPrel, a vet
eran who served four years in the army;
who for twelve years has been an active
member of the Republican party, and who
was SecratAry of the Meuia (Delaware Co.)
Brant and Colfax Club, at a meeting of the
Seymour and Blair Democratic and Con
servative Club, held at the Wigwam on
Thursday evening last, came forward and
enrolled his name, along with fifty others,
as a memner of the Club. That's what we
should call a big evening's work in the good
cause, and fully verifies Governor Seymour's
words that the Democrats are "strengthen
ed in their faith by the co operation of the
great body of those who have served in the
Union army and navy during the war."—
The soldiers demand the Union for which
they fought, and they see no hope of ob
taining it outside of the Democratic party.
A YOUNG AND PROMISING LAWVER
ABANDONS THE FOUL PARTY. —Robeit S.
Morrison, Esq., a young and brillant law
yer. son of ex-Mayor Morrison, of Allegha
ny City, addressed a Democratic meeting
in that city on Tuesday evening last. Mr.
Morrison stated that it was his first appear
ance in what he had always supposed was
the camp ofihe enemy, but he could think
so no longer. He was now with the De
mocracy heart and soul, as he could not
stand idly by and see the country ruined
by the party that had gained its asceuden
cy by deceiving the people.
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance.
IPisff anti gljwfoiaf.
A fop often fancies he is cock of the walk
when he is only a coxcomb.
He who tells a lie is not sensible how
great a task he undertakes ; for ho must be
forced to tell twenty more to' maintain otftb
A married woman in Wisconsin says that
when her husband is a little drunk be kicks
her, and when he is very drunk she kicks
I him ; she says she does the greater part of
"Good morning, Mr. Ifenpeck," said £
printer in search of female compositors "have
you any daughters that would make good
type setters ?" "No, but I have a wife that
would make a flue devil."
A man whose wife had just died, was ask*
ed by a friend if he felt lonely. " Lonely ?
you bet I do. Why, dang it, man, I'd rather
lost my best cow."
A decent looking irishman, stopping at A
hotel to warm himself, inquired of the land-,
lord, "What was the news ?"
Landlord, disposed to run a rig upon Pad-*
dy, replied :
"They say that the devil is dead !"
"And sure," quoth Pat, "that's news in*
Shortly after, Pat stalks up to the baf, and
depositing some coppers, resumed his seat.
The landlord, always ready for a customs*
asked him what he would hate.
"Och, sure, sir," said Pat, "it's the custom
in my own country, when a chap like yon
loses his daddy, to give him a few coppers to
help pay for the wake."
Landlord stood treat all atetontr.
A lively urchin accosted a traveling mer
chant, the other day, and dried, in an earnest
voice ; '"Mr. ,please give me an apple ;
my brother goes with your sister. He'll do.
No NSME.— During the French Revolu
tion a man applied to the passport offio©
for a passport.
"What is your name ?"
"Nonsense ! that is no Dame."
"You have abolished Saints, haven't
"And you have abolished Do ?'*
"So my name is Nis; for before the Rev-'
olution 1 was called St. Denis."
Quilp, who has heretofore been a
salist, now believes there are two thing* des
tined to be eternally lust—his umbrella and
the man who stole it.
"Bridget 1 why don't you J bring
up the lemonade 7" said Mra. S. on the 4th
of July, top of her kitchen stairs. I
"Why, marm," said Bridget, wiping the'
sweat from her red face with her checked
apron, as she put her head round the stair
case partition, "why, marm, you see the ica
I put in the lemonade is so hard that it
hasn't melted yet, though it's stirring over
the fire I've been for the last ten minutes or
"The smacks of Heaven !" said a youth, as
he kissed the maiden's cheek. ''Well you've
plenty (if lip, I'm sure." replied the maiden.
"Yes, and'you've plenty of cheek," res
sponded the youth, as he repaated the oscu*
A young lady reading the "Prisoner of
Chilian" to another, came to the part where
the prisoner's hair was changed gradually
from dark to white, when 6he was interrupt
ed with :
"White ! How very odd, to be sure ! Well
I know nothing about hair, but there
is our old friend, Mrs. George, the lady who
has just been twenty-nine for the last fif
teen years—her husband died, you koow,
last winter, at which misfortune her grief
was so intense that her hair turned conn
pletely black within twenty hours after the
occurrence of that sad event."
THE NEGROE'S SIMILE —An old negro,
named Pete, was much troubled about his
*ins, Perceiving him one day with a very
downcast look, his master asked htm tt
"Oh. massa, I'm sich a great sinner."
' But, Pete," said his master, "you are
foolish to take it to heart. You never sea
me troubled about my sins."
"I know de reason, tnassa," said Pefe,
•'when you go out duck shootin' and kill one
duck and wound another, don't you run after
de wounded duck."
"Yes, Pete," and the master wondered
what was coming next.
"Well, tnassa, dat if de way wld you and
me ; de debil has got you sure ; but as ha
am not sure ob me he chaaca dis chile all de
A lady, waiting upon the subject, eaya
"When men break their hearts, it la the
same as when a lobster breaks one of hi"
claws—another sprouting immediately and
growing in ilt place,"