HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher
VOL. VIII.
Deputing fJeinncrat.
A Democratic weekly _
paper devoted to Poll
cics News, the Arts ft fr f j'Sifl*
Sciences AC. Pnb- -
6Y HARVEY SICKLER
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JOB WORK
of nil kin Is neatly executed and at prices to suit
be times.
A I TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB
V*i/K!v inust be paid for, when ordered
Business Sot ices.
K.AW ELirfLE ATTORNEYS AT
Li LAW Oifice on Tioga Street Tunkhvnaock Pa
KN. COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON
• Newton Centre, Luzerne County Pa.
/ v i., PAMIKH, ATTORNEY AT LAW.
V '• (,'tfi -e at the Court II <use, in Tuukhanuck
H'j niing Co. Pa
■Y >..T>l PIATT. AT lOBNEY AT La W Of-
r fee in S .vra's Brick Block Ttog.i St., Tunk
A*. l.i'Ck, Pa.
'•' .1 i n ATTORNEY AND COL NSEL
i a LOlt AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, Pa
i t ial uttouiion given to settiemenl of dece
dvLi f estates
- o Pa. Dec 5, l ? b" —v7at9jl
4. W IlihON, ATTODNFY AT LAW, Col
l?d • leoting and Real Estate -Agent. lowa Lands
ler -tie. St ronton, Pa. 36tf.
1 IV. RHOADtt,PHYSH lIN A SURGEON, :
J. v. 11 attend proin['tly to all calls in his pro
le.- . ,11. Bay be louod at his Cilice at the Drug
store, or at his residence on Putuian Srcet, formerly
s tu; led by A. K. Peckhain Esq.
DENTISTRY. / 7
'Wi
•e. ..
nP. L T. BURNS has permanently located in
Tunkhannock Borough, and respectfully tenders
r prafessional services to its citizens.
'lff ou second floor, formerly occupied by Dr.
ana.
vCaiiUtf.
PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE,
AHl>
FAITCTirj-G-.
7Jy Jt\ HUGJS'JI, Arfist.
Rr.o'n • over the Wyoming National bank,in Stark's
Sr k I -.
TUNKHANNOCK, PA.
Lifr-ize Portraits painted from Aiiib'otypes or
?h '.-^rajhe —Photographs Painted in Oil Odors—
Ail orders fsr paintings executed according to or
itr.or r:ocharge made.
[i" iu-iru.-tions given in Drawing, Sketching,
f rtr.it an-1 Landscape Painting, in Oil or water
l and in all branches of the art,
Tar k . July 31, '<;7 -vynSO-tf.
111 FFCJjiD HOUSE.
TUNKHANNOCK. WYOMING CO., PA.
I THIS U TABLISHMENT lIAS RECENTLY
|| I .cTi rcftta I anl lumished in the latest style.
I tarry attention will he given to the comfort and
■ rr.ren;- n.-e of those who patronize the House.
11, III'FFORD Proprietor.
Tr.'-.hannr.ck, Pa., June 17, 1308—v7n44.
I BOLTON HOUSE.
II.AHHLSHUItO, PIONNA. I
Tiie undersigned having lately purchased the
V bill.UK HOUSE " property, has already com
z-n el su -h alterations and improvements as will
1c: this old and popular House equal, if not supe
i any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg.
A - nuance of the public patronage is refpect
'■.) licited.
GEO. J. BOLTON
WALL'S HOTEL,
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/
UMVIIANXOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.
THIS establishment has recently been refitted an
I iriu-hed in tiie latest style Every attention
1 7 i-e civen to the comfort and convenience of those
,J o patronise the House. .
T. B. WALL, Owner and Proprietor!,
"mkhannock, September 11, 1361.
MEANS' HOTEL.
TOWANDA, PA.
Ih B. B ART LET,
oile of i.. "URAISAHII House, ELMIKA,N.Y.
PHOPKIETOR,
' v e MEANS HOTEL, i-one of the LARGEST
bl>x ARRANGED House* in the country—lt
'' '"J up in the most modern and improved style
: pains are spared to make it a pleasantand
e stopping piace for all,
v3r.21.1y.
FOR SALE CHEAP,
t'UTFOHM || THING (XA/^AGONS,
j, At JEREMIAH CAMPBELLS'. Tunkhsnnock j
849-14 I
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.-WEDNESDAY, AUG. 12, 1868.
Column.
Spring Trade for '6B
Will open on or about the Ist of May,
AT TUNKHANNOCK, PEI'A.
:o:
C. Dctricli,
(SUCCESSOR TO BUXNKLL A BANMATYNE,)
Proposes to establish himself permanently
in trade at this place, at the Brick
store house in Sam'l Stark's Block,
where by fair dealing and fair
prices he expects to merit and
receive the public patronage.
:o:
Attention is called to the following in
Dry Goods :
SILKS,
POPLINS,
ALPACAS,
LUSTRES,
DELAINES.
GINGHAM!,
PRINTS,
SHAWLS.
LADIES' SAIftUIXGS,
DRESS TRIMMINGS,
BLEACHED AND BROWN MUSLINS,
CLOTHS AND CASSIMERES
GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS
TOILET ARTICLES.
NOTIONS, AC.
:o:
Groceries.
SUGAR,
TEA,
COFFEE,
MOLASSES,
RICE,
SYRUP,
CANDLES,
SOAP,
STARCH,
FLOUR,
FEED,
SALT,
PORK,
BUTTER,
CHEESE,
DRIED BEEF,
HAMS,
FISII of all kinds,
BEANS,
AC., AC.,
:o:
Hardware,
A FULL ASSORTMENT.
Cutlery
OF ALL KINDS,
MEN'S AND BOYS'
Hats and Caps.
Boots 8f Shoes,
A FULL ASSORTMENT.
This branch of business mad a speciality. A lot of
SEWED ARMY SHOES.
A GREAT BARGAIN,
SOLE LEATHER.
;o:
CROCKERY.
STONE,
WOOD AND
TIN WARE.
in great variety.
All kinds of Produxe takeu in exchange lor Goods
The above articles will be kept in full assortment.
I mean to make the experiment of goods sold in
quantites cheaper than tier before in ibis vicinity,
I shall be happy to see you, and ycu can depend up
on finding bargains tn every uepartmcnt. Goods re
ceived every week.
Respectfully yours,
CU Jk TS/CJL. I
From the Seranton City Journal.
TO NETTIE NORWOOD.
BY STELLA OF LACKAWABNA.
PitiKing-birJs, wiih voice so sweet,
Tell me—tell me year retreat 1
Is it where the summer wood
Hows in dalli iut solitude.
To (hi yellow beams, that play
80-peep with its nympths all day ;
And the wavelets iauKh arid leap,
iswiti as chamois down the steep,
Pushing spray-drops in their flow.
Fmm the shores ol long ago ;
Shores that wind in greenness yet,
Through the valley of regret !
Is it on some fair hill aide,
'Along the daisies, thrt you hide. —
Where the meadow arches ring
With the melodies you sing,—
And lite Maine-eye.l, sun-god shakes
V er your nest his golden flakes 1
Singing-bird, yjur notes are sweet
As the tipples at ury feet.
That, with wordless monotone,
Voice a music all their own :
Or as cookooa in the spring,
Borne on light, unburdened wing.
Break with flute-like chords along,
'Till the air is thtriled with song 1
Singing-bird, the world is wide,
With its many paths untried;
And a wearying track they say.—
So, 'twere weii th hide away;
Well to hung your muse-wrought nest
'Alii the silence, uuconfeseed ;
M .riding early, warbling late,
With the robin for your mate ;
Where the wi ispers of the loaves,
In the cool and quiet eves,
Chill no friendships, grieve no love.
[Sweetest heritage from above,J
Breathe no treachery, break no trust,
As the lips of worldlings must.
Oh. the rough giles lightly sweep
Vi here the rock-hid mosses creep !
And the tempest sofily breaks
O'er the breast of sheltered lakes !
THE FORCE OF IMAGINATION.
Late one evening a couple of Irishmen
stopped at a country inn and aked for
lodgings. The porter escorted them to
the door of their room, but just as the trav
elers entered it lire caudle was extinguish
ed by the wind from the door as it c'osed
behind them, lire porter had alteadv re
turned t > the lutr room, and after vainly
groping on tire mantle piece for matches,
tiie travellers resolved to go to bed in the
dark. — In the middle of the night one of
them awoke, and after shaking his comrade
ari u-ed lorn, s.rid;
"T.rren e, I'm as awake as a vaccinated
kitten, iiir want of air. Get up ami open
the window. The room is as closoasa pat
ent coffin, and i'il Jie if you don't get me
air."
Tnirence arose, groped around the room
a few minutes, and then said:
"I've found the window, hut bad luck to
me if I can budge it. I can't move it aither
up or down."
"Then knock a couple of panes out wid
yer shoe, and we'll pay for them in the
morning,.' said ihe sick tnan.
Terrence did as directed. After two
crashes were heard by the man in bed lie
seenn d to recover for he remarked:
"Oh, that tresli air is invigorating. —I
feel belter already. Out wid a couple more
pains, gl. ss is chape, and the landlord won't
be angry whiu we are willing to pay for
tiieni."
Terrancc-'s stout brogan soon shattered
the remaing panes, and the weak man re
covered Ins exhausted strength so soon
thereafter that in ten minutes more he was
enjo\it g Ins slumbers, undisturbed by the
snores ot his companion, who had also ex
pressed Litiisell refreshed bv the current
of fresh air admitted through the broken
glass.
Consid- ralile time elapsed, and at length
the travelers awoke. For thirty minutes
they lay conversing, wondering why they
could not sleep.
"Surely it must he near mornin,' fur I
don't feel a hit sleepy," said Terrence.
"Mornin !' echoed the other. "By the
mortliial. but it appears to mo that it's per
petual night in this part iv the world "
In a few minutes more they heard a
knock at the door, and the travelers asked
w hat was wanted.
"It's twelve o'clock," answered the porter,
opening the door and entering the room
with a candle in his bund.—"Aren't you
going to g> t up at all ?"
"Only twelve o'el ck," exclaimed Ter
rence. "Why, I thought it must be at
least five. What d'ye mean by rousing
us in tire . middle of tho night ? Do tho
people of these parts get up at midnight ?"
"Nil, but they get up at breakfast time."
"Thin why didn't ve wait until break
fast time before ye disturbed us ?"
''Because it's hours after breakfast now
—in fact, it's just the dinner hour."
"Get out, or I'll thow me brogan at ye.
What a barefaced liar ye must be to say
it's dinner time before it's daylight. The
candle in yer hand makes a liar of ye !'
"lla !ha!ha !" and the porter chuck
led with ibe ex it rbe ranee of deiight. "No
wonder \e think it isn't daylight, for there
is no window in this room to let in light.'
"Thin what did I break last night?"
Terrence asked, looking around the room in
astonishment. His eyes at last alighted
on the book case, the glass of which pre
sented a dilapidated appearance. "Be tiie
powers, Jerrv," he added, aduressing Iris
comrade,"whin I thought I was smashin,
the windy, I was only breakin'thc glass in
the book-cas<*. But it did ye a power iv
good, Jerry, lhr yo sod ye felt the lresli air
rcvivin' ye,"
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Rig-ht. "
Facta to be Pondered.
WHO ARE REBELS AGAINST THE LAWS, AND
TRAITORS TO THE GOVERNMENT ?
At an anti-slavery meeting in New York
May, 1844
Resolved, That secession from the Union
is the dutv of every Abolitionists.
R solved, That fourteen years of warfare
against the slave-power have convinced ns
that every act done in support of the
American Union rivets the claims of the
slave —that the only exodus of the slave
! to freedom, unless it be one of blood, must
be over the remains of the present Ameri
| can Church, and the Grave of the present
| Union.
Resolved, That the Abolitionists of this
country should make it one of the primary
objects of this agitation to dissolve the
American Union.
Our claim is disunion, breaking of the
States.— Wendell Philips
r llie Union is a lie—l am for its over
throw— Up with the flag of Disunion. —
W. L. Garrison
It (the Republican) is the first sectional
paity ever organized in the country. It
does not know its own face, and calls it
self national ! but it is not national —lt is
sectional. The Republican party is a par
; tv of the North, pledge against the South,
j Wendell Philips.
Senator Hale in 1850 presented two
I pati ion-, praying Congress to devise some
| plan for tiie Dissolution of the American
1 Union. These petitions received three
votes. — J. P. Hale, IU. Jl. Sewnrd, S. P.
Cha*e.
I can conceive of a time when this Con
stitution shall not be in existence; when
we shall have an absolute military dicta
toiinl Government. A 7 . P. Hank*, 1856.
The Constitution is tho father of all our
troubles. The only hope of the slave is
over the ruins of the Government, and of
the American Church.— ll. W. Beecher,
1866.
The dissolution of the Union is not
a question ot conscience but of policy.—
We made the Union, and we have the
right to unmake it, if we choose.— Rev. 11.
| H'. B< flows, 1858.
I have no doubt that the free and slave
; States ought to separate. The Union is
not worth supporting in connection with
the S tilth. — J. S. Pike.
You cali thi- [agitation and disregard
!of laws] revolution. It is. We need rev
olution. We must and will have it. Let
; it come.— I'arl Schurz. 1860.
lu 1856 Sumner predicts war, as the
result of the "irrepressible conflict"—
"War. fratricidal, part initial, war —an ac
; cumulated wi kedne-s beyond the wicked
ties- of any war in human annual*."
"Then the free States and slave States
! of the Atlantic, divi ting and warring with
each other, would disgust the free States j
of the Pae tic. and they would have abun
dnnt cause and justification for withdraw
ing from a Union, productive no longer
of peace, safety and liberty to themsel
ves." Thus W. H. Seward in 1856, en
| couraged secession
"If these infernal fanatics and Aboli
tionists ever get power in their hands.
| they will override the Constitution, set
I the Supremo Conrt at defiance, change
and make laws to suit themselves, lay vio
j lent hands on those who diff r with them
!in their opinions, or dare question their
! infallibility ; and finally they will bank
rupt the country, and deluge it with
blood."— Panitl Webster.
1860--1868.
Ili-tory repeats itself. During the year
1860, when the "lurid clouds of war "
| began to obscure tbe horizon, the great
| democratic party appealed to their politi
j cal opponents t<s pause in their rasli and
| wicked career, that tho country might be
saved from tbe desolation of civil strife.—
| But tbe enemies of our party and of the
| country were mad with hatred towards the
South, and delirious with the prospect of
! office, power and plunder. They sneered,
and contemned all our counsels as the
I driveling* of "Union-savers," and rushed
' the country madly into a war, which last
led four long, weary, bloody years. A
■ million of graves and mere than three mil-
I Hons of debt are only a small portion of
the penabies this people must suffer for
i their madness, folly and crime, when one
! word of coneiliationjand compromise would
i have preserved peace,
j Again iu 1868 war darkens the hori
zon, and we si-e the same exhibitions of
j madness and folly. Congress has already
ileolaied war against the wlute people of
the country ! Already have they begun
to distribute arms to the black savages of
tbe South ! Already are they recruiting
i officers prnotrating every township in the
1 North to inveigle men into tlie "Grand
j Army of the Republic," who in less than
I a year will be called upon to make cotn-
I mon cause with the niggers against the
! white people of America. And for what ?
i That the ('amorous, the Butlers, the Bing
hams, and thousand of other thieves, cut
| throats and murderers may still hold of
i fiee and increase their ill-gotten gains by
■ again plundering the people. Another
war is upon our country if tho people do
not arouse themselves and rebuke the men
who are urging it forward, — Bellejonte
i Watchman.
, GRANT'S TURNOUT. —The National In
teliigencee says Gen. Grant drives a splen
di 1 new turn-out with "liveried seivants of
color." The General can allord it. In
presents of one kind or another he has re
ceived a quaiter of a million iu value and
he draws from the pocket* of the people as
his annual pay and perquisites the nipe lit
[ tie sum of §25,000,
FACTS ABOUT BUTTER.
Ido wish that the serpent that was so
conspicuous in the full of our first parent
would try some of his seductive wiles on
the present hi price ov butter.
We went one week without it up to our
hons, but at larst giving tu the clamors
ov tiie children and the tearful nntreaties
ov mi wife. I bought hsflf a pound and
mortgaged mi house and lot.
Ob, 4 a kow.
Butter is very skerce. Kows ar az
plenty as ever and giv just as mutch milk,
hut avaricious farmist packs hiz butter up
fur a big thing nex winter. Tba don't
konsider thai the world may come to an
end before that time and tbare butter
spile on thare hands.
A farmer bro't a teacup full to market
yesterday and he came nt-re losin' his life
bt bein' smnihered tu detb by grocers boo
crowded around and ofbntd him fabulous
sums for it. I modestly offered mi life
and sakred honor for haf an ounce, and
he arskt me with a sarkastic grin if I tho't
hiz butter wuz strong. That wuz a pretty
strengthv saikazam. He finally sold hiz
butter tu a man for $lB in stamps and a fe
male dorg. The cup wuzzent thrown in.
Thare hez bin sum very skaly butter in
cirkulation within the parst few week. I
got roll sura time ago for an old gold
watch that wuz left tu mi wife with strick
injtuikshun that she t-hoodent part with it
unless it wuz tu get sntulhin tu eat. We
koodent eat that butter. I hired a power
ful man tu carry it far intu the county and
bury it. C'um tu find out that roll ov but
ter bed bin made bi an agriknltiiral girl fur
an old flame ov hers in our plais. The hi
tlavorov the butter wuz expressive ov the
strong luv she bore him. She bed also
sent him a lock ov her hare very skillfully
workt up in the roll.
JOSH BILLINGS.
A dry goods firm recently secured the
services of a clerk who was a 'green hand"
at the business. A young lady entered
the store to make some purchases, and the
other clerks being engaged with customers,
the "young un" proceeded to wait upon
licr. Among other things she inquired
for ladies' hose. The boy found the de
sired articles, ar.d presented them for the
lady's inspection.
"How high do they come ?" she inquired.
The boy looked somewhat confused and
hesitated, but finally stammered :
"Well I don't knov, but I guess they
will come about to the knee*."
TUB INFLUENCE OF BEAUTY. —There is
many a road into our hearts besides our
ears and brains; many a sight, and sound
and scent, even of which we have never
thought at ail sinks into our memory, ai d
h ljis to shape our character; and tints chil
dren brought up among beautiful sight* and
sweet sounds will most likely show the
fruits of their nursing by tboughtfulness
and affection, and nobleness of mind, even
by the expression of their countenance
Those who live in towns should carefully
remember this, for their own sakes, for
their wives' sakes, for their children's sakes.
Never lose an opportinity of seeing any
thing beautiful. Beautv is God's band
writing—a wayside sacrament; welcome it
in every fair face every fair sky, evety
fair flower, and thank for it, Him, the
fountain of all lovliness, and drink it in
simply and earnestly, with all your eyes ;
it is a charmed draught, a cup of blessing.
AN ACTOR IN THE I'CLPIT. —A passenger
recently arrived at New York by one of
the California steamers, tells the following
story. The affair happened in San Fran
cisco ;
"On Sunday evening I noticed a novel
and impressive ceremony in the saloon.
It had previously been announced that de
vine service would begin at eight o'clock,
and hundreds assembled at the hour named.
Who should walk into the pulpit but Mr.
E. L Davenport, the celebrated tragedian.
He then read a chapter from the Bible,
and then made the sweetest prayer that
ever I had heard. If all preachers would
pray as fervently as he did, the effect would
be much better, to say the least,
very smart boy on his return from
col ege, attempted to prove that two were
equal to three. Pointing to a roasted
chicken on the table, he said : "Is not there
one?' and then pointing to another, "is
not that two ? and do not one and two
make three ?'
\\ hereupon his old dad said:
"Wife, you take one and I'll take the
other, and our smart boy can havo the
third for his dinner."
- •<
Father,' said a cobbler's lad, as he
was pegging away at an old shoe 'they
say that trout bite like everything now.'
Well, well, replied the old gentleman,
'stick to you're work' and they won't bile
you.
(gf*The best argument for short dresses
is, they give plain girls a chance. What
nature has denied the face alio genetally
gives to the understanding.
f£grLvcy Stone says, "there is cotton in
the ears of men, and hope in the bosom of
women." Hadn't Lucy better transpose
the location ot those two comtnodiea ?
55J*The following is Aunt Betsey's de
scription of her milkman: —"He is tne
meanest man in the world," she exclaimed.
, —"lie skims his milk on tho top, then
i tyruo it over and tkimg if ou the bottom."
CHRONICLES.
The following truthful "chronicles" we
copy from an exchange, the editor of
which, we should judge, had "been through
the mill " :
1. Man born of a woman (we never
knew of any other kind,) and spendeth his
time editing a newspaper, is of few days
and full of troubles.
2. He riseth in the morning about the
9th hour and findeth that the boarders
have left him no breakfast, yea, not even a
; scrap.
y- 3. lie departeth hungry to his desk,
1 and is even thus until the 2d hour, when
i he dineth on locusts and wild honey, which
j he obtaineth at the grocery at 25 cents.
4. He covenaoteth with bis subscri
bers to print him a paper for shekles of
gold and shekles of silver, payable on the
10th day, when lo! he taketh to the bank
rupt act on the 9th day.
5. The politician calleth to see him,
and promises when he is elected to get
him a big office high in the synagogue.
G. lie findeth great multitudes along
his path, each with a dull axe, and all
asketh htm to turn the grindstone,
7. But when -lie also asketh one of
them to turn for him, he is called many
hard names and stoned grievously, yea,
they even calleth him a fool.
8. Now in his day and time sorcers
( and jugglers with ways past finding out
cometh forth, and through much puffing
by him, clothe themselves in purple and
tine linen, and have a fatted calf killed
every day.
9. And when be asketh for a slice of
this fatted calf, he is given a free ticket to
the show.
10. And when he refuseth to publish
for a sorccr and juggler, and those who
dance before the King, they threaten him
with all sorts of engines of war, and go
about among the multitude, who also
threaten him with earthquakes, famine
and pestilence.
tW The Radicals have, sometimes a
very adroit way of putting things. Thus,
the Tribune of Monday says : President
Johnson on Saturday vetoed the bill dis
continuing the Freedmen's Bureau after
January Ist. 18G9. lie vetoed this bill
which continues that iufatnous institution
auainst the will of nine-tenths of the peo
ple, until New Year's day. One of the
onginal causes of quarrels between Presi
dent Johnson and the Radical Congress
was al>out this very Freedmen's Bureau.
The President would not maintain it for
one hour, had he the power to dispose of
it. It is maintained by the Radicals as
an engine of political power over the nig
gers of the South, and for no other pur
pose. It wa> devised for that end, and |
for that end it will be retained until after
the November election, and as long there
after as the people shall keep the Radi
cals in power. Its immense annual cost
to the grievously burthened people, the
swarms of idle officials created under it,
the corruption engendered by it, are noth
ing to the Radicals, so long as it ia an en
gine of their political power.— H.irritbury
Put riot.
Says Colfax in the South Bend
speech : "But there is one theme left on
"which I osu speak. It is the glorious
"rccoid of the noble party of which for so
"many years I have been an humble ad
vocate ; whose principles I uphold and
"maintain before you against all comers."
To what party does Colfax refer ? It
cannot bo the Radical party, of which he
has been an humble advocate for so many
years, since that party has had very few
years of existence, and is even now pre
paring for its own funeral in November.—
Colfax must have alluded to the old
Know-Nothing party which first sent him
to Congress and whose principles of Cath
olic proscription and church burning he
advocated and maintained.
The New Territory of "Wyoming.
A bill passed both Hcjses of Congress
to erect the territory of Wyoming,
and to provide a temporary government j
for it. The region embraced in it has ;
lately been attached to the territoiy of j
Dakota, but it is separated from it by ,
such barriers of space and deserts as to
render the connection troublesome for,
both parties. It i* completely surround
ed by organized governments,-' Montana
lying on the North, Dakota and Nebras
ka on the east, Colorada and Utah on the
south, and Idaho on the west. The;
boundarylines are the twenty-seventh and
thirty-fourth meridians ot longitude, and
the forty-first and forty-fifth parallels of
latitudes, so that it forms a perfect paral
lelogram. It takes a small slice off Utah
and another from Idaho.
JRT The commissioners appointed by
the Legislature to lpeate tho city buildings
ofScratiton have*decided on the "Alder
man Griffin place." The price paid is
$25,009, property owners in the vicinity
agreeing to rane $5,000 of the amount—
leaving $20,000 to be paid by the city.
The fellow who thought he would
easily put his arm around Boston Neck
was probably intoxicated. He would
have to borrow an arin ol the sea to ac
complish the feat.
3T A nigger named Isaac Moore was
lynched in Hartford Co., Maryland, on the
25th u!t., for attempting a tape upon a
highly rt-specubio girL Sfcrvud bim rijfht.
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance
pise antr pfricfcilt.
Don't open your purse too hastily or too
wide—nor your mouth either.
Girls should be like the flowers thst adorn
them— pure to the sight, and sweet in mem
ory.
A western editor, in response to a sub
scriber who grumbles that his morning paper
was intolerably damp, says "that it Is be
cause there is so much due on it.
A reader writes that he takes no stock in
the "new woman's club." lie says the "old
woman's club" is enough for him, and fre
quently to much.
An eccentric clergyman lately said in ona
of his sermons that '-about the commonest
proof we have thai man is made of clay is
the brick eo often found in his hat."
"My dear," said a smiling spouse to her
other half, "I'm going a shopping to-day Dd
want a little change." "Pooh P' responded
the savage, "that would be no change at all;
you go a shopping every day."
At a large party the other evening, while
a young lady was playing the piano with a
peculiar touch, a bystander remarked : "I'd
give the world for her fingers." He was
greatly taken aback by her prompt reply
that he might have the whole band, for hla
own. But then it's leap year, you know.
Love, the toothache, a cough, and tight
boot, are things which cannot long bo kept
secret.
An impertinent fellow asked a gentleman
at a public gathering why he had shaved off
his side whiskers, and was answered, "that
to meet some men he required more cheek."
An Irishman a short time since, paid an
extraordinary price for an alarm clock, and
gave as a reason, that, as he loved to rise
early, he had now nothing to do but to pull
the string, and he would wake himself.
RETORT COURTEOUS —"Did you know,'
said a cunning Gentile to a jew, ''(bat they
hang Jews and jackasses ,together in Port
land ?"
"ludeed !" retorted Solomon, "den it ish
veil dat you and I iah not dero."
The passion of the French for theatrical
amusetneuts, aud the patience with which
they will wait at the doors of theatres for
the sake ol obi aim og a good place for wit
nessing the performance, are well known.—
At a crowded French theatre, a woman fell
Irom the gallery into the pit, and was picked
up by ODe of the spectators, who, bearing
her groaning, aaked her if aba waa much in*
jnred.
"Much injured !" exclaimed the woman,
"I should thina 1 am. I bare lost the ber>
seat in the very middle of the front row."
Why should a base ball player never b
employed on a farm 7 Because he's "death w
the fouls."
What person is it that hides every whei ,
often seen, yet never known 7 The oldeoi
inhabitant.
Why is an old man, being hung like a
slate ol starvation 7 Becausa he was hungry
(hung gray).
Why is a chair without a bottom like a
creditor's biil 7 Because it wants reseating
(receipting).
Why is a mar with the toothache like the
State of Maine 7 Because both have ACRES
that produce HOPS.
•
THE WEATHER AND THF. PARRS—A medi
cal niiD and a lawyer met in the Central
Park during the late spell of weather. Says
the lawyer, "I can't keep myself warm o'
nights, and yet I'm always wrapped up when
I go to bed."
"just my case," returned the doctor ; "I
suffer from being WRAPPED UP several times
during the uight."
PRECEPT AND PRACTICE. —Beggar-woman:
•'Please, sir, give me a penny to keep me
from starving."
Gent : Can't stop—in a great hurry ; I've
got to make a speech at the Society for the
Relief of the Destitute."
A GOOD ONE.— Pat was helping Mr. Blank
to get a safe into his o ftice, and not being ac
quainted with the article asked what it waa
for.
"To prevent papers and other articles
which are placed in it from being burnt in
case of tire," said Mr. B.
"An' shure will nothiu' iver burn that is
put in that thing 7"
"No."
"Bell, then, yer honor, ye'd better be af
ter getting mto that same thing when ya
die."
Mr. Blank "wilted."
A drunken fellow wandered into a Sunday
School, and the teacher accosted bira: "Why
jamea, do you know what condition you ara
in 7" "Yes'in—in ihcgall o' bil'ness, 'n the
I bonds'f'niouity. Ask me some more bard
I queab'una T"
NO. 2.