HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher. VOL. VII. Ppmiitg Sfiimcral. A Pvmocrano weekly *ad Sciences Ac. Pub- Terms—l copy 1 year, (in advance) $2,00; if Bat paid within six months, $2. r >o will be charged IfO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar- paid; ualesi at the option of publisher. RATES OF ADVERTISING. TELF USES COSSTITCTB A SQUAHB. One square one or three insertions *1,50 Erery subsequent insertion less than 8 00 RialEstatb, Pbbsosal Pbocbrtv, and Gesbiul An VERTISISO, as mav be agreed upon, FATEST MEDICINES and other advertisements oy the column : One column, 1 year,- - S6O ll.ilf column, 1 year-*- 33 Third column, 1 year, 25 Fourth column, 1 year, 20 Business Cards of one square or less, per year with paper, #B - or LOCAL ITEM advertising—with out Advertisement—l 6 cts. per line. Liboral terms wade with permanent advertisers . EXECUTORS, ADMINISTRATORS and AUDI TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, $2,50 OBITUARIES,- exceeding ten lines, each ; RELI GIOUS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general merest, one half tne regular rates. jy Advertisements must be handed in bv Teas bat NOON, to iosure insertion the same week. JOB WORK of all kinds neatly executed and at prices to snit the times. All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB WORK must be paid for, when ordered Bus Ln ess No t ices. R. AW. E LITTLE ATTORNEYS AT LAW Office on Tioga Street Tunkhannoek Pa H S.COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON • Newton Centre, Luzerne County Pa. L, PARRTSII, ATTORNEY AT LAW • Olh-e at the Court House, in Tunkhanock Wyoming Co. Pa. / At. M. PIATT, ATI OK NLI AT LAW of fice ia Stark's Brick Block Tioga St ~ Tunk can nook, Pa. fix J CIIASE. ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL J. LOR AT LAW", Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, Pa Especial attention given to settlement of dece dent's estates Nicholson, Pa., Dec. S, lSg7— v7u!9yl MS. WILSON, ATIO -NFY AT LAW, Cot • lecting and Real Estate Agent. luWa Lands fsrsals. Scranton, Ps. 3Stf. 1 W. RHOADS, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON, • will attend piouij tly to all calls in his pro fession. May be lound at his Office at the Drug Store, or st his residence on Puttnau Sreet, formerly occupied by A. K. Peckbam Esq. DR. L.T. BURNS has permanently located in Tunkhannoek Borough, and respectfully tenders kit professionel services to its citizens. Odes on eeeeud floor, formerly occupied by Dr. Ni!tsan. Tfjti3otf. PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE, A!fl FAINTIIWO. 73 v It'. .73 I'd /J'/?, Artist. Rooms over the Wyoming National bank,in Stark's Brick Block, TUNK HAN NOCK. PA. Life-size Portraits painted from Ambrntypes or Photographs Photographs Painted in OilCclors, — All orders for paintings executed according to or der, or nocharge made. Instructions given in Drawing, Sketching, Portrait and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water Colors, and in all branches of the art, Tunk , July 31, '67 -venaO-tf. ll 0 FFOR D HOUSE. TUNKHANNOCK. WYOMING CO., PA. THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY been refitted and lurnished in the latest style. Erery attention will bo given to the comfort and convenience of those who patronize the House. H, HUFFORD. Proprietor. Tunkhannoek, Pa., June 17, 1368 —v7u44. BOLTON HOUSE. HARRIS HIT Ft OF PKNNA. The undersigned having lately purchased the " BUEHLER HOUSE " property, hag already eom eienced such alterations and improvements as will render this old and popular House equal, if not supe rior, to any Hotel in the City of HarrisLurg. A continuance of the public patronage is refpect fully solicited. GEO. J. BOLTON WALL'S HOTEL, LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/ TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. TIUS establishment has recently been refitted an furnished in the latest style Every attention •ill he given to the comfort and convenience of those •ho patronize the Hotie. T. B WALL, Owner and Proprietor': _Tinkhannock, September 11, 1861. MEANS' HOTEL7 TOWANDA, PA. „ T>. B. BARTLET, Late of "BRAIXARD Horsr., Elmiba, N. Y. PKOPKIETOK. The MEANS HOTEL, i-one of the LARQEST *nd BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt up in the most modern and unproved ityle end no pains are spared to make it a pleasantand •greeable stopping p;uce for all, v3u2l-ly. FOB SALE CHEAP, AIJERBKXIH CAMPBELLC', Tunkhannoek, J TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. -WEDNESDAY, JULY 29, 1868. ptritli's Column. Spring Trade for '6B Will open on or about the Ist of AT TUNKHANNOCK. PENN'A. O. Detricls., (SCCCBBSOR TO BUNXBLL * BAXHATTBB,) Proposes to establish himself permanently in trade at this place, at the Brick 6tore house in Sam'l Stark's Block, where by fair dealing and fair prices lie expects to merit and receive tbe public patronage. Attention is called to the following in Dry Goods ; SILKS, POPLINS, ALPACAS, LUSTRES, DELAINES. GINGHAMS, PRINTS, SHAWLS. LADIES' SACQ.UINGB, DRESS TRIMMINGS, BLEACHED AND BROWN MUSLINS, CLOTHS AND CASSIMEREd Q■N T8 ' PCRNI SUING GOODS TOILET ARTICLES. NOTIONS, AC. — —— Groceries. SUGAR, TEA, COfFM, MOLASSIS, RICB, SYRUP, CANDLES, SOAP, STARCH, FLOUR, FEED, SALT, PORK, BUTTER, CHEESE, DRIED BEEF, HAMS, FISH of all kinds, BEANS, AC., AC., Hardware, A FULL ASSORTMENT. Cutlery OF ALL KINDS, MEN'S AND BOYS' Hats and Caps. y; ——— Boots Sf Shoes, A FULL ASSORTMENT. This branch of business made a speciality. A lot of SEWED ARMY SHOES, A GREAT BARGAIN, SOLE LEATHER. CROCKERY. STONE, WOOD AND TINWARE, in great variety. All kinds of Produce taken iu exchange for Good* The above article, will be kept in lull assortment. I mean to make the experiment of goods sold in quantites cheaper than ever before in this vicinity, I shall be happy to see you, and you can depend up. on finding bargains (n every uepartment, Goods re ceived every week. Remwetfally yoars, t A FOOL AND HIS MONEY. John W. Steel, familiarly known as "Johnny Steel, "and somewhat distinguish ed as an 44 oil prince. " having for a con siderable length of time enjoyed the prince ly income of £3,000 per day, filed in the United District Court, a voluntary peti tion in bankruptcy. Many of our readers will remember his romantic exploits iu the East, published sometime ago, during which is reported to have spent seveial hundred thousand dol lars. After having " sowed his wild oats" and losing his oil farm, he found himself in rather straightened circumstances, and was recently compelled to earn a living by driving an oil team. His indebtedness, as set forth in his petition, amounts to over SIOO,OOO. fSteel 13 a Pennsylvanian by birth, and is now in the neighborhood oftwenty-three years of age. lie has but little education, has no busiuess (jualifications or shrewd ness, and especially cut out by Dame Na ture to attest (lit truth of the proverb, that " A fool and his money are soon parted." Ol his early youth we know very little ; manhood and riches sprang upon him about the same time. His interest in the McClintock farms and oil wells, in Venan go county, bequeathed him by bis father, lor a number of years yielded him an in come ol $3,000 per d y. This princely income was the means of awakening in "Johnny" an ambition to seek other fields and sources of amusement than those offered in the wilds of Venango county. — We heard of him first by his lavish waste o!" wealth in Philadelphia, Here he made the acquaintance of Messrs. Sk<ff tfc Gav— lord, of minstrel fame, and one of the first rash purchases was an entire new outfit for the minstrels, composed of velvet coats and vests, and plaid trowsers. Many of our readers will remember the troupe in this uniform. To those eccentric cos tumes he added diamond breastpins of the firs*t water, and a new suit of clothes for each member for the street. Several mem bers o' Carncross & Dixey's minstrels, of Philadelphia, were also favored iu the same manner. Another of Johnny's eccentric acts in Philadelphia is related as follows : Walkuig down Chestnut street one day vv'th a friend, lie espied a beautiful span of horses attached to a splendid carriage, just turning down from Second. To see was to envy ; so, hailing the driver, Sam M , who as it happened was also the owner, Johnny cooly asked hiin if he would sell his establishment. Sam looked credulously at his customer, wondering if he were drunk or crazy, when Johnny again put forward the question, 44 What will you take for the whole rig?" Sam witli aw nk, and while knocking the ashes from his cigar, doubtless thinking to fright en his unknown customer, replied, 44 Well, 1 guess about £7,000 will take the lot."— Johnny answered by laying down seven one thousand dollar lulls on the scat of the vehicle, and taking hold of the reins, he cooly said, 44 hop out;" aud 44 hop out " Sam did, while Johnny drove off, leaving Sam standing in ainazeineet on the corner. The day was spent in riding about the city, and spending money lavishly. To ward eveniug he employed a man to drivp, and finally, while winding up the day, he reached the Girard House. Alighting on the pavement, he asked the driver as to his circumstances, and learning that he knew the 4 grip of poverty," Johnny made him a piesent of the horses and car riage, telling him not to offer thanks, but 44 drive off quick." While in Philadelphia, one of the ec centricities of his morning walks on Mar ket and Walnut streets, was to watch for a man with a shabby hat. He would then follow him until he got in front of a hat store and then, with a swoop, he would land the offending hat in the middle of the street, at the same time apologizing to the wearer, and asking him into a store, wh ere he would buy him the best that could be had. Johnny never carried any baggage with him while travelling, purchasing every thing as ho required it. Having resolved one day to stop at the Continental hotel, instead of his usual retreat —the Girard— he was driven there in company with a friend, Mr. Wm. B y, a noted mer chant of that city. Sauntering np lo the office, he made known his desire to 44 stop a while," The clerk asked him as to the whereabouts of his baggage, Johnny repli ed that he had none. 44 Then, " said the clerk, 44 you must pay in advance ; that is our rule." Johnny cast a glance at him, and won dered that he was not known. So, wink ing at his friend 8., he asked the clerk if the proprieter was in. Receiving a reply in the affirmative, the landlord soon made his appearance, when a conversation of tbe following tenor ensued : " You are the proprietor, I believe, sir —the responsible man ? " 44 Yes, sir." 4 , I wanted to make a short stay with you, hut that gentleman ( pointing to the clerk ) says 1 must pay in advance." 44 Well, sir." 44 How much do you consider your whole house worth for a day ? " "About $3,000." 4 - I'll take it for 24 hours, anyhow, and see how it goes." Johnny then counted oat the money, and turning to his friend, said : ** Now, Bill, jump in and play clerk." Bnmorsays this was B's first and only e*perience in hotel keeping. There aro many anecdotps related shout him, but the above will suffice to 6how the genera] character of the man. When 44 To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. " more recently, the avalanche of money had exhausted itself we hear of Johnny act ing in the capacity of door-keeper for the very same hand of minstrels the members of which he had given tbe diamond pins and costumes. KROW K. The corner grocery notbein very attrac tiv tother afternoon, on account ova scar city ov change among the reglar sitters.— I tlio't 1 would go hum and eujoy the so siety ov mi wife. Wen I got thare, I found the children playin Injun Warrior tu the life, thru the house, it wuz evi dent the feraail hed of the family wuz ab sent, so sed I sumwhat vext, " Wares your mother ? " The stern vois ov thare pa rent cauzed a lul in thare sport, and look en up. they exclaimed in a korus : " She's down in the back yard playiu Krow K." I notist that the round tops ov the bed posts had bin sawd orf, and the handles rudely torn from a bushel barsket that wuz uzed to contain dirty klose. I comprehen ded the situation ov things in a moment. Two daze before I had refoozed to pur cbus Mrs K. a Krow K.. outfit, as she stded it, and now she had improfixed one and wuz making a fule ov herself in full voo ov the adjacent nabors. I tho't I wood go down and look on—thare she wuz, with four or five ov her fetnail cro nies among hoom unz an old maid hoom I knu by the repntashun she enjoid ov bein the cheapest nusepaper in the country. However, she didn't kuo me. I quietly sot down on a convenient saw buck, and after watching the game intently a fu sec onds I remarked : "Elizy aint vu most tn well up in years to be pirootin around in the grass like a thing ov sixteen ? " Frivolus woman, she lied on mi old straw hat tide down over her ecrs, and her dress was short. The old maid give me a contempous glans and arskt in a lo tone, 44 Mrs. Krin gle, who is that depraved lookin man sit tin thare on the saw buck ?" 44 lie's mi husband, " sed Mrs. K., and l!u<ht. Blusht to her own lord ! 44 Why ye don't tell me so," sed this virgun o'er boom not less than 40 sum mers hed parst 44 Why I woodnt have taken him to be vure husband ! " Kisin and bowing purty stilish, I sed : 44 No, and ve never took anybody to be vure husban, did yon? And nobody took yn tu be his wile, did he 1 Well after sciutiniziu yu all over, 1 kant ssy I blame him." She squirmed under this brilli ant repar tee, and 1 chuckled and m .de mi xit, a foo second- in advans ov the saw buck, which caught up to me direckly aud sent me to gra-s. I don't kno much about the pints ov Krow K., hut it iz a game at which many a foolish young man haz lorst hiz hart, a hartless Krow K. It is played in tbu grass. Witch leads me to think it wuz invented hi a grass widder. FRAKKLIN'S MAXIMS.— PIough deep while sluggards sleep, and you shall have corn to sell and keep. Pride is as loud as want and a great deal saucier. Silks aud satins, scarlet and velvet, put out the kitchen fire. Diligence is the mother of good luck. Pride breakfasted with Plenty, dined with Poverty, and supped with Infamy. Extravagance and improvidence end in poverty. It is easier to build two chimneys than to keep one in fuel. If you would know the value of money go and try to borrow some. The eye of a master will do more work than his hands. What maintains one vice would bring up two children. Rather go to bed supperless than rise in debt. Sloth like man, consumes faster than labor wears. A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two different hings. Three removes ate as bad as a fire. Creditors have better memories than debtors, Tbe rolling stone gathers no moss. If you would have your business done go ; if not stay. It is foolish to pay out money in the purchase of rcpentence. JSjfDoes the reader know why Scliuy ler Colfax has so much to say in protect ing foreigners abroad ? We will tell you: He is one of those who swore by the light of a daik lantern that no Catholic should ever vote or hold an office in this conutry, and that no foreigner even if a Protestant, should vote or hold an office until lie had been in the Unitnd States twenty-one years. No foreigner, whatever may be his religion, who is not mcanspirited and destitute of self respect, will vote for him, and it is to conciliate and curry favor with this class, that he no professes so great a regard for their interests. Spot tbe hypocrite. WHO TOLD THF Llß. —Two little boys were qnarrtling, and tneir mother came to settle? the difficulty. She could not find out which was to blame. At last she said: "Well, I shall find out on the last day who told the lie." A few nights after, there was a dreadful storm, which blew off the roof of the house. The little boy was frighten ed and began to piay. When the mother opened their chamber door the boy who told the lie cried out: "Mother, if its the judgment day, it waa roe that tojd the lir" THE LITTLE WOMAN. As a rule, the little woman is brave. When the lymphatic giantess falls into a faint, or goes off into hysterics, *he storms, or bustle about, or holds on like a game terrier, according to the work on hand. She will tly at any man that annoys her, and bears herself as equal to the biggest and strongest fellow of her acquaintance. In getienal she does it all by sheer pluck, and is not notorious for subtlety or craft. Had Delilah been a little woman, she would never undertaken to shear Samson's lock. She would have defied him with all his strength untouched on his head; and she would have overcome him, too. Judith and Jael were both probably large women. The work they went about, demanded a certain strengh of muscle and toughness of sinew; but who can say that Jaz -bel was not a small, freckled, auburn haired Ladv Audley of her time, full of consecrated fire, the electric force, the passionate reckless ness of her type ? lUgan and Goneril might ha ve been beautiful demons of the same pattern; we have the example of the Mar chioness de Brinvillers, as to what amount of spiritual deviltry can exist with the face and manner of an angel direct from heaven; and perhaps Cordelia was a tail, dark haired girl, with a pair of brown eyes, and a long nose sloping downwards. On the whole then, the little women have the best of it. More petted than their bigger sisters, and infinitely more powerful, they have their own way, in part, because it really does not seem worth while to con test a point with little creatures. There's nothing that wounds a man's selfrespect in any victory they may get or claim. Where there is absolute inequality of strength, there can be no humiliation in the solfim posed defeat of the stronger; and as it is always more pleasant to have peace than war, and as big men for the most part ra ther like than not to put their necks under tbe tread of tiny feet, the little woman go> s on her way triumphant to the end, and throwing down all the barriers that impede her progress*, perfectly irresistible and im pressible in all circumstances and under any conditions. Good out of Nazareth. SESTOR CAMERON EXPOSES A RADICAL FRAUD. We-find the following iu a late exchange: Mr. Cameron, in the United States Sen ate. Thursday, indignantly informed Ins Radical friends that the Government has paid two newspapers £40,000 apiece £80," 000 in all. Mr. Shei man What papers ? Mr.Cameron—The Chronicle and the Evening Star of this city have been paid, or will be paid, for the printing of last year, that amount. The greater p irt of that advertising was for the purchase and sale of articles so far beyond the circulation of these papers that none of them coul l ever reach who were interested. For instance, there were £1,500 or $2,000 paid for ad vertisements as to the publication of mail contracts in the territory of Arizona. There was a large sum of money paid for an advertieinent asking for a proposal for a fort somewhere down in New Mexico. 1 think there was a half a dzen mules, or something like that, to be bought in Idaho, and thev were advertised here, and in some cases the advertisements were published a day or two before the sale or purchase to be made at those remote places. This is an abuse which would shock the communi ty if thev knew it; but nobody seems to know anything about it. \N e hardly know it ourselves. Will Republicans please make a note of this? The men who are thus squandering the people's money, ask you to vote for Grant aud a continuance of such swindling. DEFINITIONS OF CHARACTER. —Fine Fellow.—The man who advertises in ycur paper, the man who never refuses to leed you money, and the fellow who is court ing your sister. Gentle People—The yonng lady who lets her mother do the ironing for fear ol soiling her hands, the miss who wears thin shoe* on a rainy day, and the young gen tleman who is ashamed to be seen walking with his father. Industrious People—The yonng lady who reads romances in bed, the friend who is always engaged when you call, ar.d the correspondent who cannot find time to an swer your letter. Unpopular Personages —The fat man in an omnibous, a tall man in a crowd, a short man on a parade. Timid People —A lover about to pop the question, a man who does not like to be shot at, and a steamboat company with a case of the cholera. Dignified Men A chit in a countty town, a midshipman on a quarter-deck, and a school committee on an examination day. Persecuted People—Woman by that tyrant man, boys by their parents and teachers, and all poor people by society at large. Unhappy Couple—Old bachelois and old maids. Humble Persons—The husband who does his wife's churning, the* wife who blacks her husband's boots, and the man who thinks you do him much honor. Mean People—The man who kicks peo ple when they are down, and the subsci ber that refuses to pay for his paper. Sensible People—You and I. Buy extravagantly what thon needest not, and it may oblige thee to sell tby necessaries, A WESTERN EDITOR DESCRIBES PITTSBURG. A Western editor thus descibes the ef fect produced by the numerous founderies, iron works, &, at Pittsburg, Pennsylvania: Pittsburg people never have fresh air except when out of town. They live on coal stnuke and floating cinders. We / in haled seven tons of coal the first hour we were there. The people breathe smoke, eat smoke, chew smoke, and carry it loose in their pockets. It is now seventy two yeais since PiHsbuig has been warmed or reached by the sun's rays. Once a streak of sunshine, of several years' con densing' undertook to penetrate the clud of.smoke over the city, got lost, became smoked, and fell like a standing edition of the Back Crcok. The ladies use smoke and coal dust to protect their compaction. Little boys and girls stand on the corner with wet brooms and sponges to wash people's faces for five cents. Everybody is of a color in Pitts buig. At the postofßce window the clerk distinguishes people by crtain signs, it being impossible to see their faces from the layers of coal dust and smoke. We saw a little hoy crying on the street because he had lost his father, who was six l'eet ahead of hira in all the darkness. Every one is mourning in Ptitsburg. A barber once went there to color hair and whiskers. lie morn busted in a week! Men kiss each other's wives in Pitt-burg, unable to tell which is their own only by the taste. Women send their children on errands, first writing on their faces with a thumb nail or wet stick. People feel their way by door knobs, and read by rais ed type. A man once stood in his room with his window iaised—changed his shirt nine times in four minutes and only got a clean one on him when the window fell down by accident and kept the smoke out. Bedclothes are unknown in Pittshnrg — just leave the window open and sheets of smoke settle upon you like newspapers frum a machine press. Some years since some snow fell into that city from a cloud of smoke—the smoke was not hurt, but the snow looked sick. When lookinglat aw atch to see the hour it is the fashion to light a match. Men carry lanterns to see how to shake hands. They make black broad cloth by hanging a spider's web out till filled with smoke, and use hot coal dust for pepper. They roll the smoke, sweetened, into sticks, and sell it for licorice. PARSIAN GOSSIP. There is a story going the rounds of the boudoirs of Paiis, about a handsome man fifty years of age, but well preserved, arid with onlv one infirmity —he Led a glass eye. It was a misfortune, but things are so well managed now days, that no one noticed it. One evening having no other engagement, he accepted an invitation to a reception, at Madam Saint Idlefonse de Pieroveevillc's. My hero went to the ball, passed a eharming evening, and devoted himself ex clusively to'beantiful young blonde, who at tracted the attention of all the company. Shall I confess it ? he fell so in love with the young lafly at first sight, that he made her an offer on the spot. After a few instrats of reflection, and some preliminary relating to the contract, the marriage was arranged, and celebrated in due time. When we entered the nuptial chamber he extinguished the light. A glass of water was on the table by the bedside; he dropped his eye into it. The next morning as soon as it was light, our handsome bridegroom reached forth his arm, siezed the cherished orb, and replaced it in its orbit. As soon as he was dressed lie went to see a friend in town. On seeing him his frieud gave a cry ot sin prise. "Perhaps you find mc changed," said our friend. "It is me happiness. Think of it my friend, I am married to the most deli cious blond. Such hair, such eyes!'' "Blue eyes ?" "Of course, as she is blonde. If you could only see her eyes !" "1 see one of the now, and if your mem ory fails you, you have only to look into the glass to see her eye before von !" The bridegroom trembled. He rushed to the tnirror. "O horrors ! His right eye was black and full of fire, but his left eye was blue, languishing and tender. In the glass of water there were two eyes, but they did not belong to the same person. • The newly married couple separated, without villilying each other, but not with out changing eyes. A VERT RICH FARM.— Tne narrator says: | 44 1 went over last summer with two friends, and Jones took us up on a four acre lot he had just prepared for planting. We all went to the centre of the lot, and he here made a single hill and showed us a cucum ber seed. "Now boys," said he, "when I put this seed into the ground you must run for the fence and get as soon as you c.in." No sooner had he dropped the seed than he and the other started off as if a bull-dog had been started after them. I was ao sur prised that I forgot the warning until I saw the vine pushing up the ground and making for nie. Then I ran as if for life, but before I g"t to the fence, the vine caught me and began to wind round me like a snake. I was very much alarmed, and put my hand in my pocket tor my jack-knife with which to cut myself loose; but to my horrnr could not get it on account of a cu cumber which hung there and which was growing like blazes 1 It took lour men I with BcythM to cut me looee*" TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance. fjJiwaifo jjtjttrtow. Motto for a journalist—"Do write, and fear not." The author of the "Old Arm Cbair" is Hill in the furniture business. "O for a thousand —as the urchin remarked when inside a molasses hogshead. That was a wise "niggah" who, in speaking of the happiness of married people, said, "Dat ar' pends altogeder on how dey enjoy demselves." Mrs. Muffles says it is "dreadful bard to loose a husband." She never got used .to it 'ill she lost her fourth. Practice makes per fect. A Speculator at the West, recently wrote to a friend : "If hen I came to Chicago I had not a rag to my back, and now I am cov ered with rags." "I once saw a regiment of negroes on pa rade," said a traveler, "and when they came to the -'right dress," with the whites of their eyes all turned, it looked just like a chalk mark." A C< innaught farmer who had been bro't to an election dinner in his county town,was pu/aled with the silver fork which lay before him with his soup ; what he most needed had been forgotten. The farmer reminded the waiter by saying, "Waither, will ye bring me a spoon widout a slit in it ?" "I say, Pompy," said one freedman to an other, "di* chile has tried lots of gift fairs and tings for a prize, but nebber could draw anything at all." ' Well, Caesar, I'd 'vise you to take a hand cart ; the chances are a thousand to ODe dat you could drav dat. WHAT MONEY DOES "Fanny, do.you not think Mr. Bold is a handsome man ?" "Oh, no—l can't endure his looks. He is homely enough." "Well, he's a fortune at all events j for an old aunt has just died and left him fifty thou sand dollars," "Indeed ! is it true ? Well, now r come to recollect, there is a certain noble air abodt him ; and he has a flne eye—that can't be denied." l u A fellow [whose countenance was enough to scare the evil one, was giving some extra flourishes in a public house when he was ob served by a vankee. who, walking uo, asked him if be did'nt fall into a brook when ho was young. "What do you meaD, you impertinent scoundrel 7" Why, I did'nt moan nothing, only "you'vo got such a crooked mouth, I thought as how you might have fallen in the brook when you was a boy, and your mother hung yob up by the MOUTH to dry." • FRIENDLY ADVICE. — Archie and Tocmwere sparking the same girl near New Albany.— One night Archie called on her and fobnd her all alone. After gome conversation he burst out with— "Miss Mollie, do you think you could go away from this comfortable home, kind fath er and mother, loving brothers and sisters, and go to the Far West with a young man who has little to live on save his profes sion ?" Miss Mollie laid her hand gently on Ar chie's shoulder, with her eyes about half closed, her ruby lips slightly ajar, aDd Said guf'ly ''Ye. Archie, I think I could," " Well," said Archie, "my friend Tom is going West, and wants to marry—l'll men* tion it to hitn " A man, in telling about a wonderfal parrot hanging in a cage from the window of a bouse which he often pissed, said : "It cries 'stop thief'so naturally, that every time I hear it I always stop !" "So here I am, between two tailors," cried a beau, at a public table where a couple of young.tailors were seated, who had just com menced business for themselves. "True," was the reply, "we are beginners, and can only afford to keep one goose between us." Down in Mississippi, at a colored Sabbath school, a few weeks ago, a devout teacher asked the question : "Jf'ho died for you After a spell of whispeiing. and a spell of si lence, a little nig, about forty years old, re plied ; "Abrutn Lincum," "What do you expect to give my daogh ter ?" asked a gentleman of a country editor, who had made a proposition to be received as his son-in-law. "Give her !" replied the editor, "why, I'll give her a good puff" That individual got the gal. A fond mother, in excusing the late hours kept by a favorite son, declared that "he had such an oserplus of spirits that, not being able to exhaust them all in one night, he was forcibly dr>ven to encroach upon the next morning to enable him to get through them " NO. 50.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers