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Business Notices.
RTASW ELfrTLE ATTORNEYS AT
LA V Office on Tioga Street Tunkbannock Pa
HS. COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON
• Newton Centre, Luzerne County Pa.
1., 'ARHISH, ATTORNEY AT LAW.
• Otfi-e at the Court House, in Tunkhattook
Wyoming Co. PA.
IM. M. I*l ATT, ATIOKNEY AT LAW of
fice ui Stark's Brick Block Tioga St ~ Tunk
nirnock. Pa.
rv J (HASP.. ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL
1 LOR AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, Pa
L=;ooial attention given to settlement of dece
dent s estates
N'ichoUou, Pa.. Dec. 5, 13g7—v"ul9yl
MJ. WILSON, ATTOiiNFY AT LAW. Col
• 1 acting and Heal Estate Agent.
ftr sale. Scranton, Pa. 38tf.
T W. KUOADPHYSICIAN A SURGEON,
J • will attend promptly to all calls in his pro
feuion. May be found at his Office at the Drug
Store, or at his residence on l'utiuan Sreet, tormerly
eccupied by A. K. Peckham Esq.
DENTISTRY.
DR. L. T. BURNS ha* permanently located in
Tunkhannock Borough, and respectfully tenders
hit professional services to its citizens
Office on second floor, formerly occupied by Dr.
Pitman.
vtjn3otf.
PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE,
ORNAMENTAL
PA.T3VTirvGr.
Hy ?r. ft CO EH, Artist.
Rooms over the WyomiDg National bank,in stark'
Brick Block,
TUN KHANNOCK, PA.
Life-iiie Portraits painted from Amb'otvpes or
Photographs —Photographs Painted in OilCilors. —
All orders for paintings executed according to or
der. or no charge made.
t*r nstructions given in Drawing, Sketching,
Portrait and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water
Colors, and in all branches of the art,
Tuok, July 31, 'g7-vgnso-tf.
HUITORI) HOUSET
TUNKHANNOCK. WYOMING CO., PA.
THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY
L been refitted and lumished in the latest style.
Every attention will be given to the comfort and
Convenience of those who patronize the House.
11, IH'FFORD. Proprietor.
Tunkhannock, Pa., June 17, 1663.—v7n44.
BOLTON HOUSE. -
UAKIUSOUhG, PKNNA.
The undersigned haviug lately purchased the
"BI'EHLER HOUSE " property, has already com
menced such alterations and improvements at will
tender this old and popular House equal, if not supe
rior, to any Hotel in the City of Hnrrisburg.
.(continuance of the public patronage is refpect
fully solicited.
GEO. J. BOLTON
WALL'S HOTEL,
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., IA.
THIS establishment ha* recently been refitted an
furnished in the latest style Every attention
*Bl he given to the comfort and convenience oi those
•io patronise the Houe.
T. B. WALL, Owner and Proprietor :
Tunkhannock, September 11, 1861.
MEANS' HOTEL:
TOWA.NIDA, PA.
IT B. BARTLET,
[Latecis„ "IRAIVAKH HUI'SK, KLMIRA, N Y.
PROPRIETOR.
Tba MEANS HOTEL, i- one of the LARGEST
*B4 BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country —lt
'"*4 up in the most modern and improved style
*°4 no pains are spared to make it a pleasantand
*Feabi e stopping piace for all,
*3021-ly.
. INFORMATION.
■Uatrtnation guaranteed to produce a luxuriant
Pbeth of hair upon a bald head or beardless face.
v' 4 " " recipe for the removal of Pimples, Blotches,
"Uptioni, etc., on the skin, leaving the same soft
beautiful, can be obtained without charge
THOS. F CHAPMAN, Chemist.
482 Broadway, New York. j
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. -WEDNESDAY, JDLY 22, 1868.
gftridi's Column.
Spring Trade for '6B
Will open on or about the Ist of May,
AT TUNKHANNOCK. PENN'A.
C. Detricb.,
(SUCCESSOR TO LCXMBLL X BANS ATT NR.)
Proposes to establish himself permanently
in trade at this place, at the Brick
store house in Sam'l Stark's Block,
where by fair dealing and fair
prices he expects to merit and
receive the public patronage.
Attention is called to the following in
Dry Goods :
SILKS,
POPLINS,
ALPACAS,
LUSTRES,
DELAINES.
GINGHAMS,
PRINTS,
SHAWLS.
LADIES' SACQ.UINGB,
DRESS TRIMMINGS,
BLEACHED AND BROWN MUSLINS,
CLOTHS AND CASSIMKRES
GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS
TOILET ARTICLES.
NOTIONS, AC.
Groceries.
SUGAR,
TEA,
COFFEE,
MOLASSES,
RICE,
SYRUP,
CANDLES,
60AP,
STARCH,
FLOUR,
FEED,
SALT,
PORK,
BUTTER,
CHEESE,
DRIED BEEF,
HAMS,
FISH of all kinds,
BEANS,
AC., AC.,
Hardware,
A FULL ASSORTMENT.
Cutlery
OF ALL KINDS,
MEN'S AND BOYS'
Hats and Caps.
__:n;
Boots $ Shoes,
A FULL ASSORTMENT.
This brand of business made a speciality. A lot of
SEWED ARMY SHOES,
A GREAT BARGAIN,
SOLE LEATHER.
CROCKERY.
STONE,
WOOD AND
TINWARE,
in great variety.
All kinds of Produce taken iu exchange for Goods
The above articles will be kept in full assortment.
I mean to make the experiment of goods sold in
quantite* cheaper than ever before in this vicinity,
i I shall be happy to tee you, and ycu can depend up
on finding bargains In every department. Goods re
ceived every week.
Respectfully yours,
c- VXTXICJt.
loftrg.
WIPING OUT THE RADS.
AIR .—The Wearing of the Green:
With a little Western swearing and a little Yankee
cant,
And an unenthusiastie unanimity for Grant,
The rabble at Chicago has done its work my lads,
And nothing now remains for us but wiping out the
Bads.
The Empire State will take the lead —she's fifty
thousand strong—
Ohio and Connecticut will follow in the throng ;
And all the West and half the East will join the
line my lads,
And aid us in our pretty job of wiping out the Rads.
From where the golden rivers run, on the far Pa
cific slope,
To the little Nutmeg State, goes up the chorus of
our hope ;
Three million sturdy freemen now have sworn an
oath; my lads,
That they will oast a solid vote for wiping out the
Rads
The white man's country shall be ruled by honest
wbito man yet,
And to oblivion we will sweep the nigger-loving
set ;
Then put your shoulders to the wheel and beave
away my lads,
And let us save the Ship of State by wiping out the '
Rads.
~~ALLIG ATORS ON THE GANGES.
The Bank of tne Ganges opposite Mon
gliyr lias not the slightest pretensions to
beauty; its low, Hat, swampv shores,inter- j
seeted with reedy inlets, are the haunts of
multitudes of alligators, which in hot sea-
sons may he seen sunning themselve by
the side of the huge ant hills erected on j
the sand batiks, appearing above the stir
face of the water. Some of these animals
attain a predigious siz-; they are exceeding
ly difficult to kill, in consequence of ada
mantine armor in which the greater part of
their bodies are cased —Even when the
balls penetrate less guarded points,they are
so tenacious of life as to cause a great deal
of truoble before they can finally be dvspach
ed. One which had received eight balls, and j
was supposed to be dead, alter having been
tied to the bamboo of a budgerow for a
whole day, exhibited in the evening, so
much strength and fierceness, as to be a dan
gerous neighbor. Manv of these monsters
are fifteen feet long, and swim fearlessly
past the boats, lifting up their teri iffic
heads, and rising their dark bodies from
the water as they glide along. Though (
not so frequently as in former times, when ;
the echoes of the river were less distribu
ted by the report of fire-anus, natives are
6till the victims of that species of alligator,
which lies in wait for men and animals,
venturing too near their haunts. In many
that have been kdled the silver ornaments
that have been worn by women and chil
dren, have been found, a convincing proof
of the (earful nature of their prey. An al
ligator, it is said, will sometimes plunge
amidst a group of bathers at a ghaut, and,
singling out one of the party, dart into the
middle of the stream, defying pursuit by
the rapidity of its movement against the
current, through which it will fly with the
velocity of an arrow, and having reached
deep water, it sinks with its victim into the
abyss of the river Sportsmen, the youn
ger portion especially, delight in waging
war against these giants of the stream, as
they lie wallowing in the mud in shallow
places, and presenting the defencleaa parts
of their bodies to the marksmen. In the
Sunderbune, where the creeks and natural
canals of the Ganges wind thiotigh the for
ests, whose margin almost mingles with
the 6tream, alligators are sometimes engag
ed in deadly encounters with the tiger.
A battle of this kind, witnessed by a mis
sionary, is described to have beeu a drawn
one, for, although the tiger succeeded in
drawing his unwieldy adversary into ajuu
gle, after an hour or two the alligator was
seen to emerge and regain the water, not
very materially injured by the conflict it
had sustained.
OUT UPON THE HYPOCRITES!
The Radicals make a groat ado about the
presence of Southern sol .iers in the Dem
ocratic Convention. Generals Hancock,
Franklin, Slocum,Granger, Ewing M'Clern
and, and thousands of the bravest of the
brave who periled their lives in defence of
the Union, meet these Southern soldiers
and take them by the hand to welcome
them back to their allegiance to the Gov
ernment and to American citizenship, but
these parlor patriots, these shodJy braves,
these howling war-shriekers when the ene
my was afar off, these sneaking skulkers
when danger threatened, these superlative
ly lojal Radicals cannot find it in their
hearts to profit by the example. Yes,
when the Ex Rebel Governor Joe. Brown,
of Georgia, who remanded into slavery the
negro prisoners captured by the rebels,
enters the Chicago Convention and takes
part in the proceedings, it is all right.
But when some educated, intelligent and
honorable Southerner like Wade Hampton,
attends a D< mocratic Convention, oh! hor
rors, bow atrocious! Was ever hypocracy
more glaring ? Was ever demagoguism
more transparent ? lias not Lingstreet
been forgiven and taken to the arms of the
Radicals? Was not Warmouth, the pres
ent Radical Governor of of Louisiana,a "red
handed rebel?" Are not half of the Radical
members of the Southern Legislatures un
able to take the test oath ? If Radicals re
ceive into fellowship, those who once were
rebels, is it so very wrong if Democrats
do the earne ?—Patriot,
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
VALLEY FORGE.
A Legend of the Revolution.
BT GEORGE LIPrARD.
Hidden away there in a deep glen, not
many miles from Valley Forge, a quaint
old farm house rose darkly over a wide
waste of snow.
It was a cold dark winter night, and
the snow began to fall—while fiom the
fire-place of the old farm-house, the cheer
ful blaze of massive logs, flashed around a
wide and spacious room.
Two persons sat there by that fire, a
father and child. The father who sits
yonder, with a soldier's belt thrown over
his farmer's dress, is a man of some fifty
years, his eyes blood-shot, his hair, chang
ed to a ultimately gray, his face wrinkled
and hollowed by care, and by dissipation
more than care.
And the daughter who sits in the full
light of the blaze opposite her father —a
slenderly formed girl of some seventeen
years, clad in a course linsey shirt and
kerchief, which made up the costume of
a farmer's daughter in the days of the
Revolution.
She is not beautiful; ah, no !
Care perhaps that disease consumption,
which makes the heart grow cold Io name,
has been busy with that young face, sharp
ened its outlines, stamped it with a death
ly paleness:
There is no bloom on that young
The brown hair is laid plainly aside from
her pale brow. Then tell me, what is it
you see when yon gaze in her face?
You look at that young girl, and 6ee
nothing but the gleam of two large dark
eyes, that burn into your soul.
Yet, those eyes are unnaturally dark,
and large and bright ; perhaps consump
tion is feeding their flame.
And now then as the father sits there
so moody and sullen, or the daughter sits
yonder so sad and sileut and pale, tell me
1 pray you, the story of their lives.
The farmer, Jacob Manheim, was a
peaceful, happy man before the Revolu
tion. Since the war, he had become
drunken, and idle ; driven his wife brok
en-hearted to the grave ; and, worse than
all, joined a band of Tory refugees, who
scoured the laud at dead of night, burn
ing and murdering a& they went.
To night at the hour of two, this Tory
band will lie in wait iu a neighboring pass
to attack and murder the rebel Washing
ton, whose starving soldiers are yonder in
the huts of Valley Forge.
Washington, on his lonely journeys, is
went to pass this farm-house ; the cut
throats are there in the next chamber,
drinking and feasting as they wait for two
o'clock at night.
And the daughter Mary—for her name
was Mary ; they loved that name in the
good old times—what is the story of her
brief young life ?
She had been reared by her mother, now
dead and gone home, to reveie this man
Washington, who to-night will be atlack
ed and murdered ;to revere him next to
God. Nay, more, that mother, on her
dealb-bed, joined the hands of this daugh
ter iu solemn betrothal with the hands of
a young partizan leader, Harry Williams,
who now shares the crust and the cold at
Valley Forge.
Well may that maiden's eye flush with
unnatural brightness, well may her pale
face gather a siDglc flush in the centre of
each cheek,
For yesterday afternoon, she went four
miles orer roads of ice and snow, to tell
Captain Wiiliams the plot of the refugees.
She did not reach Valley Forge until
Washington had left on one of his lonely
journeys ;so this night, at twelve, the
partizan captain will occupy the rocks
above the neighboring pass, to trap the
trappers of George Washington.
Yes, that pale, slender girl, remember
ing tbe words of her dying mother had
brokeu through her obedience to her fath
er, after a long and bitter struggle. How
daik that struggle in a faithful daughter's
heart! She had betrayed his plot to his
enemies, stipulating first for the life aud
safety of her traitor father.
And now, as father and child are sitting
there, the shouts of the Tory refugees echo
from tbe next chamber, as the hand of the
old clock is on the hour of eleven
Hark ! there is a sound ot horses' hoofs
without the farmhouse ; there is a pause;
the door opens; a tali stranger, wrapped
in a thick cloak, while as snow, enters,ad
vances to the fire, and in brief words solic
its some refreshments and an hour's re
po e.
by does the Tory Manheim start
aghast at the sight of the stranger's blue
and gold uniform ? Then mumbling
something to his daughter about getttng
some food for the traveller, rush wildly
into the next room where his brother
Tories are feasting.
Tell me, why does that young girl stand
trembling before the tall stranger, veiling
her eyes from that calm face, with its blue
eyes and kindly smile ?
Ah, if we may believe the legends of
that time, few men, few warriors, who dar
ed the terrors of battle with a smile could
stand unabashed before the solemn pres
ence of Washington.
For it was Washington, exhausted with
a long journey; his limbs stiffened and
his face numbed with cold ; it was the
great rebel of Valley Forge, who return
ing to his camp sooner than his usual hour,
was forced by the storm to take refuge in
the farmer's house, and claim a little food
and a hour's repose at his hands.
In a few moments, behold the soldier
with bis cloak thrown off sitting at that
oaken table, partaking of the food spread
out there by the hands of the girl who now
stands trembling at his shoulders.
And look ! Her hand is extended as if
to grasp him by the arm ; the lips move
as if to warn him of his danger, but make
no sound. Why all this silent agony for
the man who sits so silently there ?
One moment ago as the girl, in prepar
ing the hasty supper, opened yonder closet
adjoining the next room, she heard the
low whispers of her father and the Tories!
she heard the dice box rattle, as they were
casting lots who should stab Geotga Wash
ington in bis sleep.
And now the words, " Beware, on this
night you die!" trembled half formed on her
lips, when the father comes hastily from
the room and bushes her with a look.
" Show the gentleman to his chamber,
Marv, " ( how calmly polite a murderer
can be, ) " that chamber at the head of the
stairs, on the left. On the left, you mind."
Mary takes the light, trembling and
pale. She leads the soldier up the oaken
stairs. They stand on the landing, in this
wing of the farm-house, composed of two
rooms, divided by thick walls, from the
main body of the mansion. On one side,
the right, is the door of Mary's chamber,
on the other, the left, the chamber of the
soldier, to him a chamber of death,
For a moment, Mary stands there trem
bling and confused. Washington gazes
upon that pale girl with a look of surprise.
Look ? she is about to warn him of the
danger, when, see there ! her father's rough
face appears above the head of the stairs.
"Maty, show the gentleman into the
left. And look ye, girl, it's late; you'd
had better go into your own room ami go
to sleep."
While the Tory watches them from the
head ot the stairs, Washington enters the
chamber on.the left, Mary the ehamberon
the right.
An hour passes. Still the storm beats
on the roof; still the snow drifts on the
hills. Before the fire, in the dim old hall
of the farm-house, arc seven half-drunken
men, with that tall Tory, Jacob Manheim,
sitting in their midst; the murderer's
kuife in his hands. For the lot had fallen
on him. He is to go up s'airs and stab
the sleeping man.
Even this half-drunken murderer is pale
at the thought; how the knife trembles in
his hands —trembles against the pistol
barrel. The jeers of his comrades arouse
liirn to the work; the light in one hand,
and the knife iu the other, he goes up
stairs, he listens; first at the door of his
daughter on the right, then at the door of
the soldier's chamber on the left. All is
stiil. Then he places the light on the
floor ; he is gone a moment; silence ! there
is a faint groan ! He comes forth again,
rushes down the stairs, and stands there
before the fire, with the bloody knife io
his. hands.
" Look ! " he shrieks, as he scatters the !
red diops over his comrades faces, over !
the hearth, into the file, " Look, it is his !
blood—the traitor Washington!" His
comrades gather round him with yells of
joy ; already, in fancy, they count the gold
which will be theirs for this deed, when
lo ! that stair door opens, and there, with
out a wound, stands George Washington,
asking calnilv for his horse.
44 What I" shrieked the Tory, Manheim
" can neither steel or ballet harm you?—
Are you a living man ? Is there no wound ;
about your uniform ? "
The apparatioo drives him mad.
lie starts forward, he places his hand :
trembling upon the anus the breast of
Washington. Then he looks at the bloody |
knife, still clasped iu his right hand, and |
stauds there quivering as if with a death
spasm.
While Washington looks on with silent,
wonder, the door is flung open, the bold
troopers from Valley Forge thronged the
room, with the gallant form and bronzed
visage of Captain Williams in their midst.
At this moment the clock struck twelve.—
Then a horrid thought crashes like a thun
der-bolt upon tac brain of the Tory Man
hciin. He seizes the light—rushes to the
room of his daughter on the right. Some
one had just risen from the bed—the
chamber was vacant. Then toward the
room on the left, with steps of leaden
heaviness. Look ! now the light quivers
in his hand. lie pauses at the dour; he
listens. Not a sound—a stillness like the
grave. His blood curdles in his veins.—
Gathering courage, he pushes open the
door. Towards the bed, through whose
curtains he struck so blindly a moment
ago. Again he pauses—not a sound
stillness more terrible than the grave.—
He flings aside the curtain.
Tbeie, iu the full ligtit of the lamp, her
young form but half covered, bathed in
her own blood, there lay his daughter
Mary.
Aud, do not look npon the face of her
fattier, as he starts silently back, frozen to
stone ; but in this pause of horror, listen
to the mystery of the dead.
After the father had gone down stairs an
hour ago, Mary silently stole from the
chamber on tbe right, her soul shaken bv
a thousand fears. She opened tbe door
on the left, and tieheld Washington silting
by a table on which were spread a chart
and a Bible. Then, though her existence
was in the act, she asked him, in a tone of
calin politeness, to enter the room on the
right. Mary entered the chamber which
he left.
Can you imagine the agony of that girl's
soul on the bed. as intended for tbe death
couch of Washington, she silently awaited
the knife, although that knife might be
clenched in a father's hand.
And now father, frozen to stone, stood
there, holding the light in one hand, the
other still clencbiog the red knife.
They lay bis child, the blood streaming
from that wound in her arm, her eyes
covered with a glassy film.
" Mary ! " shrieked the guilty father—
for robber and Tory as he was he called to
her, but that was ail he could say.
Suddenly she seemed to wake from that
stupor. She sat up in the bed with glassy
eyes. The strong hand of death was up
on her. As she sat there, erect and ghast
ly, the room was thronged with soldires. —
Her lover rushed forward and called her
by name. No answer. Called again—
spoke to her in that familiar tone of olden
time. Still 110 answer; she knew him
not.
Yes it was true—the strong hand of
death was upon her.
" Has he escaped ? " she asked, in a
husky voice.
"Yes!" shrieked the father. "Live
Mary, only live, and to-morrow I will join
the camp at Valley Forge.
Then that girl, that hero-woman—dy
ing as she was, not so much from the
wound iu her arm, as from the agony
which had brokeu the last chord of life,
spread forth her arms as though she beheld a
form floating there above the bed, beckon
ing her away. She spread forth her arms
as if to inclose that Angel form.
" Mother !" she whispered, while there
grouped the scldiers—there with apeeeh
lisss agony on his brow, stood the lover
there, hiding his face with oue hand, while
the other grasped the light, crouched the
father—the light flashing over the dark
bed, with the form in its centre—" Moth
er, thank God! For my life 1 have sav
ed him "
Look, even as starting on that bloody
couch there, she speaks the half-formed
word, her arms stiffen, her eyes wide open,
set in death, glare in her father's face
She is dead ! From the room her spirit
has gone home.
That half-formed word still quivering
on the white lips of the hero-woman —
that uttered in a husky whisper, choked by
the death-rattle —that word was — WASH
INGTON !
THE CHAMOIS.
This animal, which belongs to the ante
lope tribe, chiefly inhabits the Alps and
Pyrenees, aud are found in flocks of from
four to eighty, aud even a hundred. It is
about the size of a goat, of a dusky, yellow
brown color, with the cheeks, chin, throat
and belly, <>f a yellowish white. The
horns are black, slender, upright, hooked
backward at their tips, and about eight in
ches in height, and at the base of each
there is a large orifice in the skin, of which
the use is unknown. Like all the antelope
race, the Chamois has sparkling and ani
mated eyes. It feeds only on the finest
herbage, and its flesh is ot a delicate flavor.
When alarmed, the Chamois hisses with
such force that the rocks and forests re
echo, the noto being very sharp at first,
and becoming deeper at the close. Hav
ing paused a moment, the animal looks
round, and perceiving his apprehensions to
be well founded, he again hisses with in
creased violence, at the same time striking
the ground with his fore feet, bounding
from rock to rock, and evincing the utmost
agitation, till the alarm is spread to a very
considerable distance, and the whole flock
provided for their safety by a precipitate
Alight. The hissing of the male is much
louder than the female; it is performed
through the nose; and is, strictly speaking,
no other than a very strong breath driven
violently through a small aperture.
Ileat is so extremely disagreeable to
these animals that they are never seen in
summer, except in the excavations of the
rocks, amidst fragments of unmelted ice,
or under the shade of hanging precipices,
which face the north, and effectually keep
off the rays of the sun. They drink but
sparingly, and chew the cud in the inter
vals of feeding. TVir agility is wondeiful,
as they wili throw themselve down, across
a rock, which is nearly perpendicular, and
twenty or thirty feet in height, without a
single'prop to support their feet. Their
motion lias, indeed, rather the appearance
of flying than of leaping. ' The Chamois
hunteia of the Alps are so fond of the occu
pation that it has .ilinost became a mania,
and they wi 1 brave every danger in pur
suit of this animal.
I.ONG FACES.
What a sad mistake it is to suppose
that a man should be gloomy because he is
devout, as if misery were acceptable to God
on its own account, and happiness an of
fence against his dignity. A modern wri
ter of much wisdom and pitb says:
"There is a secret belief amongst some
men that God is displeased with man's hap
piness, and so they slink about creation
ashamed and afraid to enjoy anything !"
These are the people of whom Hood
saya only billions!"
A good man fs almost always a cheeful
one. It is fit that bad men scowl, look
blue and melancholy, but he has God's smile
of approbation upon him should show his
radiance in his countenance. Dr. Johnson
said he "never knew a vidian in his life
that he was not, on whole, an unhappy dog."
And well he may be. Aud an honest man
the man with good conscience—let him
enjoy his sleep, and his dinner, and the
love ot his wife and the prattle of his chil
dren, and show a beaming face to bis neigh
bor. Surely there is no worse theology
than that which teaches that He who has
given such fullness of joy to beasts aud
birds delights in the misery of men; or,
that having filled us with gladness, we
ought to give the lie to His goodness by
wearing faces beclouded with woe, aud fur
rowed with prentended happiness.
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance
pise aito pfrerfee.
THE GEOGRAPHY LESSON. —"CIass in Geog
raphy stand up. How many divisions of lb*
earth are there ? "
" Seven,"
" What are they ? "
"Europe, Asia, Africa, America, Long
Division, Short Division, the division in the
Radical party."
"Right. How many races are there 1"
" Eleventeen hundred."
" Nonsense. Let's us hear you name them."
" White race, Black race Indian race, hoss
race, race after the gals, mule race, wheel -
barruw race, human race, race after a debt,
foot race, mill race "
" Hold on ! Guess you are right, but we
can't stay here all day. Now then what are
the principal elements ? "
" Air, water, and the national debt."
" Is the national debt one of the elements."
" Yes, one of the elements of discord."
"'What is our globe divided into ? "
" Land, water and benzene."
" How much of it is dry Uod ? "
" Saloon keepers can tell better then I
can."
•' What is a mountain? "
'• You ain't."
" Ainounlain .'—to much."
" You rascal you will catch it for this,"
" I caught it last term of Crow Collins,
and hain't got over it yet,"
Boys got au intermission to scratch.
A lover and his sweetheart, while travel
ling through the woods in haste, met with a
malanchuly accident, which is recorded in
ike following felicitous strains :
Ami while retreating through the woods,
And through the tangled fern,
He tore his musn't-meutiuc-'eais,
And had to put on hera.
STORY OP TWO CALVES —Jim Smith was a
noted autioneer. Oue day he was selling
farm stock. Among the articles to be sold
was a heifer, very at tractive in her appear
ance, and consequently Juu dwelt extensive
ly on her many excellencies, winding up his
eloquent flourish that she was as "gentle as
a dovo." Thereupon, a long, slab-sided
countryman, whose leg some inches longer
than his pants, approaching the heifer and
stooping down commenced handling her teats.
Boasy, not relishing such familiarity, lifted
her hools and laid "greeny" sprawlicg some
ten feet off.
"There" said "Jim," "that 6hows one of
her best traits; she'll never allowj a strange
calf come near bear!"
"Greeny" meanwhile picked himself up,
and giving his dusty pale a harrowing scratch,
exclaimed: "No wonder when her own calf
has beeu bleating around her all day!"
A DiprcuLT IRISHMAN —The Captain of
a steamboat, seeing an Irishman smoking
away, abaft tbo funnel, stepped ,up to him,
and said :
"Don't you see the notice stuck np there?"
• D'ye mane that bit o' painted tin ?"
"To be sure I do.',
"Shure I saw it."
"Why dou't you follow it 7"
"I haven't same it move ; it's nailed fast
I'm consideriu'."
"I mean, haven't you read that notice ?"
"Divil a bit; shure I don't know how to
lade."
"Well, it says no smoking allowed here."
"Be the powers, it doesn't consarn me a
mite, then for I never smoked, aloud in my
life."
HOLD on—Hold on to your tongae when
you are about to swear, lie, or speak harShly
or use any improper word.
Hold on to your hand when you are about
ready to strike, pinch, scratch, steal or do
any improper act.
Hold on to your foot when you are on the
point of kicking, running away from study
or pursuing the path of error, shame, or crime
Hold on to your temper when you are an
gry, excited, or imposed upon, or others an
gry abuul you.
Hold on to your heart when evil associates
seek your company, and invite you to join in
their games, mirth, and revelry.
Hold on to your good name at all times,
for It is more valuable to you than gold, high
places, or fashionable attire.
H dJ on to tha truth, for >t will serve you
and do yon good throughout eternity.
Hold on to your virtue—it is above all price
to jou, in all times and places.
Hold on to your character, fur it is, and
ever will be, your best weath.
NEWSPAPER ERRORS. — A notice of a recent
; steamboat explosion in a We-tern paper
j ends as (ollowa : "The Captain swam ashore.
ISo did the chamber laaid ; she was insured
for §15,000, and loaded with iron."
A Western editor in one of hia papers,says
"For the effects of intemperance, see our in
side"
"The Springfield Repub ican tells of a
horse which ran away in that city," throwing
the driver out and cutting a severe gash in
i ore of his hind legs."
"The classic London Spectator makes a
curious slip when it speaks of Matilda Griggs
who "was subbed by a lover to whom aha
bad borne a child in thirteen places.
NO. 49.