lllpming Democrat. H T EY SICKLER, Publisher. VOL. VII. fronting flfinoirat. A Democratic weekly paper devoted to i'oli i-.■/,• l ici \ ws. the r5 ' ' iT^ and sciences Ac. Pub- ~'!i ~f*/- * liihed every W# lues- ■ s '\ r v^. ut Tunkhaunock ■Vyouiing County, Pa cj j / V I&S tj _f 6 BY HARVEY SICKIER " * JR* Tcrms—l copy I year, tin advance) 5'2,00; if an! paid ivittiin six months, #2.50 will be charged NO paper will be I>L3CONTINI ED, until all ar rm r igo-rc |> i: 1; unless at the option of publisher. R \TES OF ADVERTISING. TKX I.INKS CIINSTITI Tli A sgt'ARK. 0 n square one or three inscriious SI aO Keerv subsequ- nt insertion lets than S 50 RHALETATV., PMISONAL PROPERTY, and GESBRAL ADTLBTISINIJ, I- mil be agree 1 upon. PATENT MKMI ISI S and other a-iveriseoieuts oy . ike column : One column, 1 year, SOO Half column, 1 year- 35 j Third column, 1 year, 25 Fourth column, 1 year, 20 KiisitK-ss Cards of one square or Ices, per year i with paper. *8 EDITORIAL or LOCAL ITEM advertising— with- ' oat Advertisement —15 eta. per line. Liberal terms wmde wi.li permanent advertisers. KXECrroR*. AI)MINr.STFATOMS and AUDI-| TOR'S NOTICES, of the uual length, 52.50 1 OBITI'A'tIES. -ex •eedinir ten tin s, each ; RELI ' lilOl"? mi l LITER ARY NOTICES, not of general ; n tare at, one htlf tnc regular rates. \ lvgrt'.NP'nen's must be banded in hv TEES- ; PAT No M. to i-.isu- - in'orticn the same week. JOB WORK afallktnls neatly executed and at prices to suit | tfee timee. All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOR ; WORK nuet bo paij frr, when ordered Bus in ess \ oti ccs. t> K.AW K I.nil.ld AT i'ORN KYS A1 I*. LAW 0"S-e on Tioir* Street I'tinkhmtiook i'a Hw, ctWPRR. PHYSICIAN Jt si lo;l.oN • Newton Centre, Lnccrao County Pa. Ol , I'.'tHKIMJ, ATTORNEY AT LAW • t 5,-e *t the Ciuit Hnse, in Tu-.kho>ck Vfy uiuit: C Pa j rr m . H.Alt. All OWN i I At LAM sf- I VI C-e in Siwrk'e llrick Bl< ■ k Tioea Si . I on;. , fIAHQ's k. Pa fi' Jl. KUSL, ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL • 1 LOB AX LAW , Nilluilana, v\ ine Co-, P. ; Ee, a-iu' attentiuu given to settlement ot dec dent's ek'.iiee Nnkola.o, Pa. Dec 5 —v7nl9yl JIV. HI()4D. PHYSICIAN i 31" It GEO N . will attend prom, tly to ail calls in hi.i pro- I fet-u.u. May i.e Ion: d at fcif Offi--o a: the Drug | St. re. or at Ins residence on Putmau Sfeet, formerly | wc. uj ltd L-y A. K. Pe.kham E p DEHNSTRif. .. ,4s , nR. L T. BURNS has permanently located in Tankh.unorl Borough, aud respecttully tenders kit ir.s! iervi.es to it® ciiixeos oa wooed Beoi, formerly occ,scd by Dr. *l. W* •> ▼UaSOtf. PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE. AN*l BSIA M jS H TAL P/kirJ r rxWG. 7iV H'. JiUGEK, Ar/est. Reoai- over the Wyoming National bank,in Stark's Bi'k HI • k, TIIN'KII AWOCK. I* A . Life-*iee Portraits painted from Amb'otvpes or Phot ■graph-' >*b<>'ogrsf hs Painted in Oil Ci lore— Al 1 orders for p.intitigs'eaecutcd according to or der, or uncharge made. I jf" Instructions given in Drawing Sketching. Porti sit an I Landscape Pointing, in Oil or water Col r* Slid in II brunches "f the .art. Tuck, July V.. 'qi -v(pisU-tf. BOLTON HOUSE. UAKKISHI'Hti, I'I'.WA. The undersigned having lately pur. hnsed the •Bi'K.ltLKlt HOUSE " property, tins already com ■ •nced all. -U alterations and improvements as will wader ibis old and popular House equal, if not supe rior, t > any Hotel in the Cit.v of Harrisburg. A continuance of the public patronage is relpect fnliy solicited. GEO. J. BOLTON- WALL'S HOTEL, LATE AMERICA?* HOUSE, TUSKIIASXHCK, WYOMING CO.. IA. ri 11 ■? establishment has recently been refitted an furnished in tne latest style Every attention #iil be yiven to til*- comfort and convenience ol those vjn patronise llie House. T. B W ALL, Owner and Proprietor Tunkhannock, September 11, ISGI. fiCBTH SEANSH HOTEL, MESHOPPEN, WYOMING COUNTY, PA Win. 11. CORTRIGHT, I'ropV f r i VtNG resumed the proprietorship of the above I i Hotel, the undersigned will "pare no efforts •ender the house an agreeable place ol sojourn to >ll who uiay favor it with their custom. Win. U COBTRIGIIT. Juee, 3rd, 1563 MEANS' HOTEL. TOWyYDJDA, rA. n. 15. liAKTi.KT, I Late ol t • uiiainakii lloi sk, Ei.hika, N Y I'lttil'lt 11; | OK. The MEANS HOTEL, i one ot tne LARGEST ind BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country--It is fitted up in the most modem and improved style and no pains are spared to uiake it a pleusantoud agieeab.'rstoppngi place for all, illy i3-u. REVOLUTION IN I HADE. Greater inducements than ever bclore offered to persons getting up clubs in our One Dollar Sale. Send for NEW SPRING CIRCULAR. PAREBK k CO, 64 * m FrJentl iv, Doetro, Mw TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO.. PA.-WEDNESDAY. APR. 1. 1868. £&&*►. THZ Wonlß'S QRKAT RtMfDT FOR Scrofula and ScrolUlous Diseases. From Finery Edes, a well-known merchant of Ox ford, Maine. " I have sold large quantities of your S.UISAPA NILI.A, but never yet one bottle wbieli failed of the desired efli-vt and full satisfaction to those who took it. AS fast as our people try if. they agree there HAS been no medicine like it before in our community." Eruptions, Pimples, Blotches, Pustules, Ul cers, Sores, ami ail Diseases of the Skin. From Iter. I'obt. Slratfon, firistol, England. '• I only do my duty to vo:I and the public, when I add my testimony to that you |>til>li.-H of the me dicinal virtues of your SIRS U'AUILLA. Jlv daugh , ter, aged ten, had an afflieti-IG humor in fier cart, eyes, and heir for years, which we were unable to cure until WE tried your SAUSAPAUILLA. She lias been well for some months." From Mr*. Jane E. Fir, a well known and mtirh esteem'd lady of Hennisrille, Cape May Co., X. J. •' My daughter has suffered for a year PAST with a scrofulous eruption, wliieh was very troublesome. Nothing afforded any relief until we tried your SAUSAPAUILLA, which soon completely cured her." i From Charles P. (laye, 7 ., of the witlely known Gage, Murrey ■Co., m tuufucluriT* of eioimelled t pain rt in .Viidu, AT. If. 1 had for several years a very troublesome hn.n >r in my face, which grew constantly worso j until it disfigured my features aod became ail intol erable aillictlon. I tried almost every thing a man could of both advi.-e and medicine, hut witiiout any | relief whatever, until I took your SAU.SAI-AMI.I.A. It iinnn-diabdy made my face worse, as you tt.l.i me it might fora time; but in a few WEEKS the new skin began to form under the blotches, aiel con tinued until my fare- is SR smooth as any body's, and I am without any symptoms of the disease that I know of. I enjoy p rii et health, and without a doubt owe it to your SAUSAI-AUII-LA." Erysipolas —GenerrJ Debility —Purify the Blood. PROM Dr. H.h'J. Sairin, Ihotslon St., New York. 41 Dr.. Avi.ll. I H.-i join fail to remove Eruptions and S -ro/al ais Som by the persevering use ot your SAt:S.U*AI:!!.l.A,and I have just now cured aa attack of Mahyuunt Fiy ijieias witii it. NO alterative we POSSESS .spuds the ZSAKSAPAULLT.A you have sup | plied to the profession as well as to the people." From J. E. Johnston. Eng.. lYukemm, Ohio. "For tu lie years. I luul the yellow Krvsijwlas on my right arm, during which time 1 tried all tbo celebrate- 1 physicians 1 could reach, and took hun dreds of dollars worth of medicines. The ulcers were so bad that the cords became visible, and the doctors decided that my arm must be amputated. I began taking your S.\I:SAI-ARII.I.A. Took two I.ot tleb. and somf of your I'ILI.S. Together they have cured me. lam now as W. 11 and sound as any bisly. Ileing in a public place, my ease IS known to every body in this community, AND excites the wonder or nil." From /Ton. flenrg Monro, .D. P. P., of Newcastle, C. \C., a leading member of the Canadian Parlia ment. "I have used vonr SARSAI'ARVI.T.A in mv family, for general debility, and tor pacifying the blood, with wrv beneficial results, aud iixl coniidoucc iu couimeuuiug it to the afflicted." St. Anthony's Fire, Rose, Salt Rheuin, Scald Read, Sore Eyes. From li tre, y sicl. ler, / 'tin able editor of the l 'lu ' /tanltem -. rat, Pe.ra-girania. "Our only chil 1, ntsiut three years f> 1. J.unie, Mits mri. " I tiud YO.ir JSAKSAI-A1111.1.A a more elV.s-tual r> IM dy ior the WS-ondarv symptoms of Sy r iiitis and lor syphiliticdnnM tb.m any oth. r we pom cam. The pro" -ion an indebted to you lor boiuc of the b-st uiidiviiics we have." From A. J. French, .'/*. It., tin eminent physician of I.on reo.ee. Mat*., who ... a prominent number of the /.< yi data re of aarhtts. "Ills. AVI.lt. My dear Pir • 1 have found vour KAIISAI-AUII.I.A au'exci-lleiit reni' dy fur Syphilis, both of the primary and sc oudary iyp-, and eit'-E --tual iu bome eases lhat were too obstjuate to YI.-HL to other rco:edl--s. Ido not knoiv what we ran em ploy with more eertunity of success, where A poiver lu! alterative is required." Mr. Clot*. S'. tan luw, of New Pmnnri. k, N.J., had dreadful ulcers on his legs, CAUSED by tiie abuse of M. rcury, or vntrcuri-d disease, which gre.V more and more aggravated for y.ars, in spite ol every remedy or treatment that could lie applied, until the persevering use of AY bit's SAIISAI-AKILI.A relieved I.im. LEW eases can tie found more inveterate and distressing than this, ami it took several dozen bottles to cure him. Whites, Female "Weakness, are " tty J.S,13,1. -T D by internal Scrofulous 1 7- cer.d . . .D are v. rv efbsi cured by the" alterative effect of ibis s U.s.vi' uttl.l.A. Some canes M phre, however. 1.1 ai-1 of tb • ;• \I;S.U>AIMLLA, the skihul appli .(ion of local reixtslies. I Fr.cn Cie well irA-arn and Jridr'i/cej.u,rated Dr. ./ ••t o-rid, ofCi-o iunati. j "I !1.-II- found your S IN'SAl' liiibl. A an excellent albwidiv • in 'IS. I- S of li-mc.le<. Many eases of IN pil iritv. Iciicorrluei, Internal I'lerrati M, and local debility, arising from the scrofulous diatln SIS, have vieldeil to it, and th--re are few that do not, ivhen'its effort i projK rl/ al led by local treatment." A la y, unwilling to allow the publication of her ■name, writes .- " Mv daughter and MYSELF have been enre.l of a V-rv debilitating Ia ucorrlee I ox ION" standing, by two D.:ri- . of vour RDounu-t rm, Goat, Liver Complaint, Dys pup. in, newt Diseaie, NcuraLjia, j WB N -.1 !..- .V .- aula i:I the system, are rapidly cured by this EXT. SABSAPAKILLA. AYER'S r A TIT ART 10 PILLS pi)*-vi'v s so many advantages over the other purgatives in the market, and their superior . o tues are so universally known, thatwo need not do more than to assure the public their quality is maintained equal to the best it ever ! has been, ants that they may be depended on to do all that they have ever done. Prepared by J. C. AYKB, M. IE, 4 Co., T..r.vi 11, Mass., and sold by For sale byßunnell A Bannatyne, and Lyman i Whlls, Tui.khanndik. Sterling A Son, Meshoppen, Stevens A Acklev, Lacevville, Frear, Daan A Co, Factoryvilie, and all Druggists aud Deelsrs in mcd cines, everywhere. THE HEALING POUL, AND HOUSE OF MERCY. Howard Asaufialloii Reports, for YOUNG ; MEN on the CRIME OF SOLITUDE, and tie ER- I ROUS, ABUSES a id DISEASES which destroy tie manly piwers, and create impediments to MAR , RLAIiK, with suro means of relief. Sent in sea od letter, enielopes. free of charge Ad'iress Dr. J. 1 SKILLEN HOUGHTON, Howard Association, i Philadelphia. Pa. j 6n44 lycar- THE ITJJION STRAW CUTTER, MANUFACIURED BY William Flickner, At 7 t'.YAV/A.YYOCA', 'jPenn'a. Who bus the exclusive right f.r Wyoming county, is one of tho very'few Machines that will rut Hay. Straw. Stalks, •. V 10F7v7aKM. Icetry. [From the Philadelphia Sunday Mercury.] THE TAILOR AND THE NEDDY A Truthful Tale, showing how a Washington Tai lor turned a Stubborn Ncdily out of a War Sta ble, and hoic the Neddy brayed until Congress patsed a bill prerenting Cruelty to Animals, but said bill being disregarded by the Tailor, he was forthwith Impeached fur High Crimes and Misdemeanors ; correctly copied from the Black Laws of the Fortieth Congress. BY PBTBR PEI'PBRCORW. CHAPTER I. "If I had a donkey and he would not go, Do you think I'd neat him I No, no, no." All the dogs will have their day, And so will all the coons ; The pupfies will two mornings have, The sluts two afternoons But n? the cats have each nine livas, And largely dejl in mews, AnJ pay no tax, they nil may hare Whatever time they choose. But of another animal I here will tell a fable, Which lived for years at Washington, In the war ofSce stable. Like other stubborn Neddies, he Could slyly deal in kicks ; None hut his breed could trust him, lie had doml such dirty tricks. By feeding at the puMic crib, Ilis ears so long had grown, lie foolishly began to think The stable was his own. Because he bad a woolly head, And heart as black as coal, lie claimed to be a loyal moke, And free lrom a'l control. At last he biay'd so very loud, And kicked up such a rout, A Tailor boldly undertook To turn the Neddy out. But scarcely was poor Bdwir. thrust Outside the stable dour, Than be 1 egan to kick and bray More fiercely than before. As soon as Congress. beard the noise, Learned what it was about, The members swore the Tailor could Not turn the Neddy out. Beside, poor Edwin was a spy, And one of their own breed, And should within the stable stop And fatten on tbe feed Therefore, they framed and passed a bill As soon as they were able, To make tho Tailor take agiun Their Neddy in the stable. At this tbe Tailor said on him Tberc should be no restraint ; Beside, of Neddy's stable he Had made a General Grant. But Congress swore that they would not By any grant abide, For such a thing was only smoke, Unless upon their side, AnJ in tho stable Neddy shoald Again be put by force ; No Tailor could turn out a moke, But p'r aps might Grant a horse So N'eJfly at the public crib Uis former place received, Which dearly proves u Gentral Grant Is not to be believed. As Neddy, by the treacherous Grant, M s put into the stable, Uo was determined to stick in As/long as he was able. And bray'd far loudtt than before. Cocked.up hU tail and can, During the Tailor to couie in And crop thcui wi'b his nh.ars. The Tailor, nothing daunted was, Cut Thomas sent in haste, Up to. the stable to turn out Again the bracing beast. Cut Congress swore it treason .was, Their Neddy to provoke, And Thomas was arrested For looking at the moke. And took be.'ore Judge Carter Who put him under bail For speaking disrespcctfu I of l'oor Edwin's ears and tail. Meanwhile, the Noddy very close Within the stable kept, Afraid to come outside the door, For thoro hejatejand slept : And General Thayer lay all night With Neddy on the straw, For fear that Thomas should again Attempt to break the law. At this Congress became enraged, And frantically screeched : Tli.it Tailor for h ; s cruelty Shal l quickly be impeached. And be suspended, (or ho has The Power we hold defied, And by tbe biggest ro-rues within The Senate shall be tried. Jf-fT "That's what I call •apital punish— inenl," as the boy said when his mother shut liim up in the dark closet among all the preserves. The imagination* of men do more thgn nature to make womcu U#utifuL " To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Ripht. " KEROSENE OIL—EXPLOSIONS. The introduction of burning oils made from coal, and later from pe'roleum, has added greatly to our domestic cotnfurt, and given the dwellers in the country one of the advantages of those who live in cit ies—a cheap and powerful light. Indeed, we think that kerosene makes a pleasanter light than gas, and the city housekeeper his no advantage over the rural one, so far as light goes, other than not being obliged to 611 and tiim ln r lamps. How m .ch mote the evenings ate enjoyed,when the room is made cheerful by sufficient light! It is of itself a great inducement to reading. Hut as we sit down to read the paper, with a menial blessing on the man who invented kerosene, our enjoyment is seriously disturbed by reading the, alas, too frequent accounts of severe burning and death from exploded kerosene lamps, and we begin to be suspicious of our own lamp, which though it has always behaved itself most commendably, we feel might at some lime make us a subject for a tu-ws ptper ilem. We soon regain confidence in our lamp, which lasts until we bear of another " shocking accident." We sup pose that these might have been the feel ings of many who burn kerosene, and it is worth while to look into the matter, and see 10 w hat these so frequent explosions are due. Coal oil an>! petroleum consists of sev eial distinct oils, which have different boil ing points. If tile crude article be heated to 100, for instance, all that portion ot it which will boil at that temperature will be driven off by evaporation. If the heat be increased to 110, and steadily maintained there, another portion that was not volatile ; at 100, will be evaporated; and so on.— ; The refining of crude oils is done in ac ! cordancc with these facts. The crude oil is put ir.to a still, and separated, by the proper *ppr'>piiation of heat, into liquids that have diff rent boiling points. Those which evaporate at the lowest t mperatures are known as naptha, benzine, gasoline, : etc., that winch boil- at a higher degree of ' heat is kerosi in-, and after that has been distilled off, titer.- is lift in the still a por lion of oil not volatile. Hei Z'ne and the | other oils whieii have low boiling points evaporate rapidly at oidiuary tempera tures, and when their vapors are mixed in proper proportions with air, a compound is formed which will explode whenever light is applied. Hence these cannot he used for illuminating purposes in ordinary > lamps. They, (benzine, etc.,) ate produced quite ahundan'iv in the process of refining crude oil, and as the d- man ! for them for tie of testing the safety of the oil, and every dealer should have one and learn how to use it A sufficiently accurate test mav he made by any one who has a thermometer. Place a cup in a tin or other vessel of water which is sliown by the thermometer to be at 110. When the cup is warmed through put in a table spoonful of kerosene Hold a lighted match just above the surface of the kerosene, and if any vapors have been given off, thev will take fire. This is not attended with any danger, and a careful person, who will probably observe the con dilions of temperature may obtain correct results. Any kerosene that will stand heating to 110, without forming an infiatn al> e vapor is safe to use, as fat as danger from explosion is concerned Some of that which is sold at the clo ap rates will form an explosive vapor at the tempera ture of a well warmed dwelling, and the wonder is, not that there are so many ac cidents, but that th> re are so few. Tiie only thing the purchaser can do is, to avoid a cheap article, and to procure his supplies of persons who not only would not adulterate themselves, hut who regard the safety of others sufficiently to take! pains to obtain liieir sl< ck from reliable sources only. Each dealer should insist upon a guarantee that the kerosene will not form an explosive vanor at a lower temperature than 110. There is a law of Congress against sell ing any illuminating oils that will not stand the test of 110, anil any one who sells dan geious oils is liable to both fine and im prisonment. We cannot learn that any one was ever even complained of, much less punished, under the law, so indiffer ent are the people to that which concerns their own welfare, — American Agricul turist. tr&~ " l)r.' said a hard looking custom er the other day to a physician, * 4 I am troubled witli a depression, an uneasiness about the breast What do yon suppose the matter is?" " All very easily accoun ted for," said the physician. " Vou have water on the chest." " Water ! Come, that will do well enough for a joke ; but how could I get water on my chest, when I bar n't touched a drop for years ?" FRED. DOUGLAS TO HIS PEOPLE. In a late speech at Akron, Ohio, Fred. Douglas, addressing the colored people, told them the Government emancipated the negro as a matter of policy, and not from any C'hristain motive of light or jus lice,and that they had no more reason io he thankful to the Government for thvir free dom than had the Hebrews to feel thank ful to Pharaoh for their deliverance from bondage. Dongas said that although it was possible that, naturally, the colored men were equal to the whites, they were not so piacticallv. and that they must rise through their own exertions to a much higher degree of intelligence before being allowed all the rights and privileges of the white man. He added that they were now on probation, and if 6ftcen years hence found them as they arc now, it would be almost impo.-sible to make any advancement. Perhaps this advice from an intelligent man may be received by his race as a counsel from a friend. It is certain that the competition against which thev will have to contend for the means of t-upport, must inciease by immi gration eveiy year, whilst they can rely on no such addition to their numbers, hut must make up for the inequality by in creased ellictencv. The ignorant and de graded, of whatever color, must always he subject to superior intelligence, and it behooves the colored people to icflect whether those ate their*true friends, who would plunge them into politics without previous preparation and training, or those who would help to fit tliem, as far as may be accomplished, for the discharge hereafter of such duties as may devolve upon them.— BaUi'nore Sun. A SPUNKY EDITOR HE is CONVICTED OF LUJEL AND SEN TENCED to IMPRISONMENT. WHAT IIF. THINKS OF GOING TO J^IL. The eoitor of that very out spoken pa per, the Memphis Avalanche, has been sentenced to imprisonment for libil.— The following are his views trf the matter, viz : The Avalanche's editorial rooms in a few days will be temporarily removed to the county jail on Adams street between See.* tid and Third, where wc will he pleas ed to meet our friends. A swindling vag abond, an unprincipled Judge, dressed in a little brief authority, may trample upon law, u-urp euthotity, and incarcerate us in loathsome dungeons, but thank God he cannot chain the immortal mind which scorns f"tters, soars above despotism, and since our right arm is not manacled or pa'sied, we intend with onr editorial pinch ers to make the putrid flesh that covers the rotten hones of our persecutor quiver like a worm in the ashes. No amount of imprisonment can change our opinion of William Hunter. We respect here all we have said of him. Wc accused him of taking straw hail; of receiving as seenritv negroes who have been arrested for va grancy. We repeat the charge, and what is more we can prove it. Tnc old swind ler knows this, and will not,therefore, per mit us to show to the world before the Court he disgraces, that he has arrested us for telling the truth. Conscious that the constitution and laws of. Tennessee give us the right to expose corruption— to denounce an unprincipled Judge upon the bench as freely as a beggar upon the street —we ean well afford to scorn the effort of Hunter to muzzle this jlress, and defy hiin to do his worst. DEATH FROM WAST OF SLEET. —The following communication was recently made to a British society. '' A Chinese merchant had been convicted of murder ing his wife, and was sentenced to die by being deprived of sleep. This painful mode of death was carried into execution under the following circumstances. The condemned was placed in ptison under the care of three police guards, who relieved each other every alternate hour, and who prevented the prisoner from sleeping, night or day. He thus lived for nineteen days without enjoying any sleep. At the commencement of the eighth day his stiff rings were so intense that hu implored the authorities to grant him the blessed opportunity of being strangled, guillotined, burned to death, drowned, shot, garroted, quartered, blown up with gunpowder, or put to death in any other conceivable way which their humanity or ferocity could invent. MARRIAGE MADE EASY. —We have, heard of people getting married ly steatu and by telegraph, hut a new and novel plan lias been inaugurated which may he styled marriage made easy. An editor recently overheard two young ladies talk ing on this subject. One said she was sure she would faint, but the other said when she got married she intended to take chloroform. This is decidedly better than the plan of the bashful man who wanted to slide into matrimony by degrees. Aw hite handkerchief applied to the nose, a moment passed in bhsfful dreams, and you awake in the promised land ! Get ting married by chloroform will undoubt edly become very popular with the ladies. Man is like a snow ball. Leave bitn dying in idleness against the sunny fence of prosperity, and all good that is in him melts like butter; but kick hira around, and he gatheis strength with every suc cessive revolution until he grows into an avalanche. To succeed, you must keep moving. Hon. Geo. Vickers, the new United States Senator from Maryland, was admit ted to his seat on Monday last The Radicals made an effort to prevent his ad tEiesioß but signally failed, Greenbacks Or Repudiation. The Ntw York Ilerald thu* discourses on the finances; Tbe tendency is, however, to the broad est and most liberal measures, so far as the interests of the taxpaying masse* are concerned. The premature and Shylock demand of the bondholders, to be paid the full face of their bonds in gold, whether so expiesM'd or not, has amused the wide spread opposition. The efforts of these bondholders to contract the currency and force specie payments, in order to increase their own wealth thirty to forty per cent., and to ke< p tip for all time to come the burden of an enormous debt on the produc tive industry of the working classes, have alarmed the people. They naturally look to the amount given for these bonds, not on thu whole more than fifty to sixty per cent, in gold, perhaps, and ask why they should he called to pay a hundred. They want to know why there should be one rule of payment for the bondholders, and another for all the rest of the community. Let these bondholding Shylocks demand their pound of flesh, let them demand the full face of their bonds, no matter how their victims bleed; but let them beware of the fate of Shylock. who lost all Lis money. The significant vote iu the House of Representatives on Monday on Mr. Burr's resoiution declaring " that sound financial policy requires the gradual with drawal of the interest-bearing bonds and the substitution therefor of greenbacks " ought to be a warning to the exacting bondholders. When Mr. Spalding moved io lay this resolution on the table the vote stood sixty-five to fifty five against tabling it ; that is there was a majority of ten against the bondholders' attempt to smoth er the resolution. But this is only one of many incidents in Congress, significant it is, showing tho growing tendency to repu diate the greedy claims of the bondholders. Let them beware how they act lest a more sweeping repudiation should follow. The heavily burdened taxpayers will not be trifled with, or bend to unreasonable ex actions. Tbe bondholders must help as wt 11 as others, to relieve the country of t ie weight of our stupendous debt, or they may meet the fate of Sbyiock. The One Man Power. The National Intelligencer , speaking of tile spectacle presented in the Senate on fhnisdsy, when Senator Wade was called to qualify for a trial the most solemn which has ever been instituted on earth, says : "Knowing by that unerring process of reason which curdles a thousand issues in -Ito one—the real one—that the matter to result from the proposed trial is simply and inevitably which one of two men shall he President, that Senator b> ing one of them lie arose and deliberately walked forwa dto offer himself as a President.— Before a gazing world an American bred tnan did that act. The hiss of scorn and ihe blast of shame ought to come up from all mankind. 11 is relation to the trial it precisely that, and as personal as that of the accused. The alternative is wholly between the two men. One shall be a President and the other shall not. The judgment cannot be less than this. It can not be more. On that judgment the ac cuser lias no voice, llis inevitable alter nate demands a voice ! Shall the dignity and conscience of the American people be put off with the disgusting affectation that a man under such circumstances may divest himself of all bias in his own favor ? With what contempt the people will receive the insulting pretence that a haidened old politician may be so indifferent to the greatest office in their gift, that though directly and inevitably related to it, he would be wholly unaffected by the fact? Is that office so despicable that even Mr. \Vade could not bo influenced by it ? Should this trial result hv any possibili ty in a removal of President Johnson—and what is the same thing, the induction of Mr. Wade—what artifice could hide, what forgciy could supplant the everlasting sig nificance of the scene of yesterday, as prefiguring the seizure of the government bv " single usuiper and his conspiring al lies ? Will Senators sec where they place themselves should they tolerate this abom inable abuse ?" Gir We have heard that it is in con t< mplation among the Radicals at Wash ington that Sumner, in the Senate, and Boat well, iii the House-shall simultaneous ly introduce bills to change the name of the "Mississippi" to the "Niger," and to order the Secretary of the Interior to have the Capitol painted black. The project slumbers, because the three Radical Sena tors who are not Yankees by birth, hesita ted, as it might not he approved by the honest women of the Mississippi \ alley. Sumner thinks lie can succeed in getting a majority vote to change the first syllable of the new State of " Color 'ado into "Biaek-a moor," and with the patient waiting of the man of one idea, he has laid aside the Mississippi scheme, until his proposed amendment of the name of the Territory can be accomplished.— Age. A LITTLE boy had lived for some time with a penurious old uncle, who took good care that the child's health should not be injured by over feeding. The un cle was one day walking out, ( the child at his side ) when a friend accosted him, accompanied by a grayhound. While the elders were talking, the little fellow never having seen a dog of so sliui and slight a texture, clasped the creature around the neck with the impassioned cry, " Oh, doggi', and did ye live wi' your uncle too, that ye are ro thin ? " TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance .NO. 34. fPtiiaiili fcbrtatfr. Qui lip says.that the only sore thing he knows of to prevent heir from falling off is hair pins. A Berkshire paper say s that a fellow in that vicinity was courting his girl on Monday evening, and, wishing to be conversational, observed: ''The theruiomokron te twenty degrees below aelon this evenin'." "Yee," in nocently replied the maiden, -'such kinds of birds do fly higher some seasons of the year than others." —— now IT WAS DONE. —An Irishman, addict ed to telling queer stories, said he 6aw a man beheaded with bis hands tied behind him, who directly picked tip his head, and put it on his shoulders in the right place. "Ila ! ha !" said a bystander ; "bow co'd he pick up his head when bia bands were tied behind him V' "Ao' sure what a purty fool you are," said Pat, "Couldn't he pick it up with hia lathe ?" Judge Griffith, on the bench in New York appointed a crier whose want of tense was more thau made up by the the size of his voice. A young barrister, with more fun I than legal lore in him was fond of playing off jokes on hitn. So one day the Judge order j c-d the crier to call Jabes Logue. The bar- J rister, stepping behind the crier, whispered. "Epilogue in his ear. "Epilogue !" shouted the crier, "Mono-logue !" said the lawyer. "Mono-logue !" cried the crier. "Pro logue " And the crier still cried, "Pro-logue !" "Dialogue.'' And the pertinacious crier shouted "Dia logue !" at the top of his voice. Discouraged at heariDg no response from the Logue family, the crier turned and said to the court, sitting in mute astonishment at the stupid crier's calls. "I've called all the Logues in town, and never one is here to speak for himself." Some of the Brahmins in India have as mny is 135 wives. This beats the Mormons out of sight. At a young ladies' Seminary recently, dur ing an examination in history, ODe of the pupils was interrogated : "Mary, did Martin Luther die a natural death ?" "No," was the reply, "he waa excommuni cated by a bull." The exceedingly 6hort coats worn now-a days might bo called petty-coats. A statistical writer says, "a girl to-day coata four timea as much per pound aa one coat thirty yeara ago." To ua they are aU ways dear. At a colored party, Sambo asked Dinah if he should help ber to 6ome of the breast. "Now, ain't you 'shamed Sambo, to say brrast before the ladies ? I'll take a piece of turkey bosom." "My opinion is,"*aid a philosophical old lady of much experience and observation, "that any man as dies upon washing day does it out of a pure spite." A elerk near Boston, or elsewhere, recent* ly commented in this way on Pocahootas : Said he,' Pocahontas was a great man Po cahontas was a noble, kind hearted and true man. "Ilold on," cried his companion, "Pocahontas was a womon," "She was, ah 1 Well, that's just my luck ; how am I expect ed to tuow ? I never read the Bible." HOMEOPATHY EXTRAORDINARY. —The ho moeopathic rule that "like cures like" receives a tvhitnsical offset in the fullowiog specimens of opposite practice : A lad swallowed a small lead bullet. Ilia friends were much alarmed about it, and his father, that no means might be spared to save his darling boy's life, sent post haste to a surgeon of skill, directing his messenger to tell him the circumstances aud.urge hia com ing without delay. The doctor was found, heard the dismal tale, and with as much unconcern as he wo'd manifest in a common headache, wrote the following laconic note : "Slß— Don't alarm yourself. If, after three weeks, the bullet not removed, give the boy a charge of powder, Yours, Ac." "P. S,—Don't shoot the Ixy at any* body," This is much akin to the laconic prescrip tion of the celebrated Dr. Abernethy. An Irishman called in great baste upon tbe doctor, staling that— "Bejabers, my boy Tim has swallowed a mouse !" "Then, be jabcra," said Abernethy, "tell your boy Tim to swallow a cat." The Paris Press says a gentleman ac costed a voter of that place with tha ques tion : "Sam, who did you vote for ?" "I—l—l rote for-for -for—" "Did you vote for universal suffrage ?" I "Dai's him ! I swear 'fore God I like to r-,|-ii If