Upmitig Bemocrat, HABVEY SICKLER, Publisher. VOL. VII. ©ptniiuj fltmocrat, A Democrsiie weeklv Mpe r devoted to I'oil , ./ , tiui News, the Aft> ' j •id Science? Jfci-. I'uli- v * 7*'> ' liihed every tV*Joes- j lay, it Tuukhivnu'iek if Wyoming County, P.i ' aSn tj t' BY HARVEY SICKIER Terms —1 copy 1 year, (iif advance) 42,00; if •at paid wittun six months, #'2. SO will be charged NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar rraje atteuliun given to settleuient of doc dsnt's estates Nicholson, Pa. Dec 5, 18g"—vTnlflyl JH ! RHOAI)*, PHYSICIAN Jc SURGF.O N • will attend promptly to all calls in his pr felsioo. May be found at bis Office at the Diu- Itwro. or at bis residence on Putrnan Sreet, formerly oacupiei by A. K. Peckbam E j q. DENTISTRY. .&& OR. L T. BURNS has permanently located in Tankhauo-ick Borough, and respectfully tender? his eervtces. to its citiaen* gTphs —Photographs Painted in OilCtlora, — All orders for paintings executed according to or 4r. or no charge made. Instructions given in Drawing. Sketching, I Portrait and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water Colors, and in all branches of the art, Tunk., July 31, 'g7 -T6nso-tf. BOLTON HOUSE. JIARKIKRUftf}, PKNNA. The undersigned having lately purchased the " BUEHLER HOUSE " property, has already com menced such alteration* and iuiprovciuents as will reader this old and popular House equal, if not supe rior, to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg. A continuance of the public patronage is refpect fally solicited. GEO. J. BOLTON WALL S HOTEL, LATH AMERICAN HOUSE, TV N R lIA\ N OUR, WYOMING CO., PA. THIS establiahraent has recently been refitted nn furnished in tbe latest style Every attention I •ill be given to the comfort and convenience of those •JO patronize the House T B. WALL, Owner and Proprietor . Tuckhannock, September 11, IS6I. NORTH BRANCH HOTEL, MESIIOPPEN, WYOMING COUNTY, PA Mm. H. CORTRIGHT, Prop'r HAVING resumed the proprietorship of the above Hotel, the undersigned will spare no efforts 'enler the house an agreeable place ol sojourn to •11 who may favor it with their custom. Wui II CORTRIGIIT. J use, 3rd, 1Q63 MEANS' HOTEL. TOW A.3VDA. PA. D. B. BARTLET, (Late oil. "BRAISARH HOUSE, ELMIRA, N Y PROPRIETOH. The MEANS HOTEL, i-one of tne LARGEST *nd BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt is Sited up in the most modern and improved style and no pains are spared to make it a pleasanlasd, 1 agreesblestoppngi piece for all, 211yv3-u. U. hi. REVENUE NOTICE. \ S-ISTA NT ASSESSOR'S OFFICE for 7th T 1 -.so n. Wyoming County) half a mile norm of ■ Hotel. Moit'- -e Street, at the l ite r- !. j ■' ii u H. K Little IRA AVERY Assistant Asses r, 7tn Division 13th Dieuio* it ligrivrpVtfca*. j TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.-WEDNESDAY, MAR. 25. 1868. a THTI peculiar taint or Infection which we cadi SCROFULA lurks in tlic constitutions of Wb multitudes of men. It e ' t * icr produces or is Titiidnl state _ fall into disorder and decay. The scrofulous contamination is va riously caused by mercurial disease, low living, disordered digestion from unhealthy food, impure air, filth and filthy habits, the depressing vices, and, above all, by the venereal infection. Whatever he its origin, it is hereditary in the constitution, descending "from parents to children unto the third and fourth generation;" indeed, it seems to be the rod of Him who says, " I will visit the iniquities of the fathers upon their children." The diseases it originates take various names, according to the organs it attacks. In the lungs. Scrofula produces tulicrclcs. and finally Consumption; in the glands, swellings which suppurate and be come ulcerous sores; in the stomach and bowels, derangements which produce indi gestion, dyspepsia, and liver complaints; on the skin. eruptive and cutaneous affection*. These, all having the same origin, require the same remedy, viz., purification and invigora tion of the blood. Purify the blood, and these dangerous distempers leave you. With feeble, foul, or corrupted Mood, you eannot have health; with that "lit • of the llesh" healthy, you cannot have scrofulous disease. -Ayor's Sarsaparilla is compounded from the most effectual anti dotes that medical science has discovered lor this afflicting distemper, and for the euro of the disorders it entails. That it is fir supe rior to any other remedy yet devised, is known by all who have given it a trial. That it does eoinl ine virtues truly- extraordinary in their effect upon this class of complaints, is indisputably proven by the great multitude of publicly known ami remarkable cures it has made of the following diseases: Kiur's Evil, or Glandular Swellings, Tumors, Eruptions, Pimples, Blotches and Sores, Erysipelas, Rose or St Anthony's Fire, Salt Rheum, Scald Head. Coughs from tuberculous deposits in the lurnjs, White Sv-c-llings, Debility, Dropsy, Neuralgia, Dyspepsia or Indigestion, Syphilis and Syphilitic Infectious, Mercurial Disease-;, F TBIIe Weaknesses, and, indeed, the whole series of complaints that arise l'rom impurity of the blood. Minute reports of individual cases may be found in Ann's AXUKIUAX AI.MANAC, which is furnished to the druggists for gratuitous distribution, wlierein may ho learned the directions for its use, and mine of the remarkable cures which it lias made when all other remedies had failed to afford rtlief. Those cases are purposely taken from all sections of the country, in order that every reader may have access to tamo one who can speak to him of its he nefits froin personal experience. Scrofula depresses the vital energies, and thus leaves it.-, victims far* more subject to disease and its fatal results than are healthy constitutions. Ilenee it tends to shorten, and doe* greatly shorten, the average duration of human life. The vast importance of these considerations has ltd ue to spend years in perfecting a rentetly which is adequate to its cure. This we now offer to the public under the name of AYI.K'S HARSAI'AHIM.A, although it is compose el of ingredient*. some of which exceed the best of Sarsapatilia in alterative power, lly its aid you may protect yourself from the suffer ing and danger of these cii.-orth-r*. l'urge out the foul corruptions that rot and fester in the blood, purge out the causes of disease, and v igorous I e-alth wiil follow. By its pecu liar vLtucs this remedy stimulate* the vital function*, and thus expels the eti-tempers wliicli link within the system or lurst out on any part of it. We know the put lie have been deceived by many con pounds of S .r:.n;xiri!ln, that promised much and did r.oti in,'; hut they will neither he deceived lior dis; ppointed in this. Its virtues have been proven by abun dant trial, and there remains no question of its surpassing excellence for the cure of the afflicting diseases it is intended to reach. Although under the same name, it is a very different medicine from any other which ha* been liefore the people, and is far more ef fectual than any other which lias ever been available to them. AYEH'S CHERRY PECTORAL The World's Grent Remedy for Coughs, Colds, Incipient Con sumption, and ior the relief of Consumptive patients in advanced stages of the disease. This lias been so long used and so uni versally known, that we need do no more than assure the public that its quality is kept up to the best it ever lias lieen, and that it may be relied on to do all it has ever done. Prepared hy DR. •!. C. A VF.:: & Co.. I'tactical and Analytical Lowell, Mass. Sold by all druggists every where. For sale byßunnell A Bannatyne, and Lyman A Whlls. Tut>kbaono k. Sterling A Son, Meshoppen, Stevens A Aekley, Lacevville, Frear, Dsan A Co , F'actoryville, and all Druggists aud DeuUrs in rned cines, everywhere. THE HEALING POOL, AND HOUBK OF MERCY. Howard Association Reports, for YOUNG MEN on the CRIME OF SOLITUDE, and the ER RORS, ABUSES a id DISEASES which destroy tbe manly powers, and create impediments to MAR RIAGE, with sure means of relief. Sent in sea'ed letter, enielopes. free of charge. Address Dr J. PKILLEN HOUGHTON, Howard Association, Philadelphia. Pa. 6n44- lyear- THE XJ2NTIO3NT STRAW CUTTER, MANUFACTURED BY William Flickner, At 'JUJYK/IAA r A r OCA', Tenn'a. Who has the exclusive right for Wyoming coonty, is one of the very few Machines that will out Hay. Slrow. Stalks, etc., better than the old fashioned Cutting boxes, used by our grandfathers. Those who value time and labor: and would avoid a need la R* loss of both, in feeding theirstock, should get one of these improved Cutters. V men er form 1 inythieg better ;or ever went back to 'fc.- old mu< hir.e after • irisl of it. V Supply Constantly on Hand and for sale. WM FLICLNER. fraAtrjarfot:% Ikse, >, i'ji f'tnl-it* . floftrtj. MEMORIES. Ah, life is full of memories, of evanescent gleams, Of beautiful realities, which haunt us like our dreams; ; Touch a harp cord, long neglected, and the plaintive music thrills Like the gently falling rain-drops or ths murmur ing of rills, Or the waving in the woodland, of the grand old forest trees, In the distance groaning, moaning, like the wild complaining seas. Yes they haunt us, memories haunt us, yet I cannot tell yu why, 'Tis perchance life is but dreaming to such souls as you ami I. True, life has stern realities, but we let troubles die, 1 And grußp tho pleasures to our hearts, dreamers like you and I ; We plcck the flagrant flower, but the thorn we cast away, For joy lasts long in memory, pain lingers but a day! "LAY" OF THE LAST MINSTREL. A PLEA FOR EGGS. 1 [These are the days for "pleas" of all kinds.— ' l'leas" for woman's rights; "pleas" for tho poor, the young, an t the tempted.but the annexed ' pica'' is something out of tho order of "common picas-" | Bo gentle to the new laid egg, For eggs are brittle things, They cannot fly until they're hatched. And have a pair of wings. If once you break the tender shell, The wrong you can't redress : The yolk and white will all run out, And make a drcadfnl "mess," 'Tis but a little while at best That hens have power to lay, To-morrow eggs may addled be, That wore quite fresh to-day. Oh, let the touch be light That takes them from tho keg, There is no hand whose cunning skill Can mend a broken egg ! Ay—touch it with a tender touch, For till the egg is biled, Who kDows but that, unwittingly, It may be smashed and spiled. The summer breeze that 'gainst it blows Ought to be stilled and hushed ; For eggs, like youthful purity, Are awful when they're squshed, HOW SPOONY BEN GOT CROSS-EYED. Little Benny Butler Sat up in his chair, Looking o'er the table If any spoons were there. On each side of Benny ! Careless a spoon was tossed ; He triod to watch them both, And so his eyes were crossed ! i llow TIIEV DO IT. —ln Chicago when they | ask you to drink, thei say : "Nominate your family disi urbance." In St. L >uis : ; "Choose your old pizen." In Cincinnati : "Do you feel like diiving a nail in your j i coffin ?" ' lu Louisville : ; "Let's put an enemy in our mouthe." I In New York : "Let's reduce ourselves below the level of the brutes." In Boston : "Let's violate" (the liquor law). In Frankfort : ' LeiV absorb." in New Orleans : "Shall we fortify 7" In Albany : "Suppose we drug ourselves." In Indianapo!.s : "Let us start for the watch house." In Terre II lute : "Let us perjure ourselvea." In Buffalo : "Let's disqualify." In Lexington, Ky.: "Will you have some nourishment 7" In Memphis : "Have you got thirty cents." In Nashville : "Will you take a little'old Robertson' ?" In Chattanooga : "Let's soak." In Knoxvtlle : "SI all we take some of the devouring ele* ment ?" In Griffin : "Let's lake suthtn." In Lancaster : "Let's swill L a r-g e r." In Columbia * "Let's take some of Wiley's Contraband." "In Towanda : "Let's wash our gums." In Tunkhannock , "Let's take some 'prohibits.' " VALUABLE HELP— "Why Bridget, you have baked this bread to a crisp," "An' 1 ! sure mr ldy, 1 onlv baked it three hours, according to "be r?*aite." "Three hours ! why, the recipe said but one." "Ye*, mem 1 i one hour for a-large loaf, and I had three , small oiies, uud so I baked utu tbree hours, TW I 44 To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. " THE PROMISE THAT WAS KEPT. One evening four German students of a University, were enjoying themselves ;n the upper room of a little hotel. They had tour instruments, and were employing themselves in making music after the hard ships of the day. There was a pause in their music, hut no sooner had they ceased playing than they heard an old man play ing a violin beneath their window in the street. They went to the window and looked out, watching him until he ceased playing. One of them threw out a little piece of money, and said to him, laughing: " Here, poor Peter, this is all we have now, come again some other day." 41 Yes," said another, "come again a year from now." " Then we will give you a little house j for a present," said the third. 44 Yes, in the middle of a garden," said the fourth. The old man was struck with wonder at such a promise. His long hair shone brightly in the light of the lantern which hung over a neighboring restaurant. He looked up to the window and said after a moment's reflection : 44 Young people are you in earnest with me in what you say ? I hope you are not making light of an old iran !" " Indeed we are in earnest," replied Er nest, in an excited voice; and his thiee companions called upon God to witness their seriousness. "Farewell, then," replied the old man 41 1 take my leave of you. One year from to-day, at this hour, expect me to come and play a tune beneath this window.— 'Farewell ; may the Almighty One whose name yon have called open, bless you in your kindness !" The old man went off after invoking tin's; blessing upon them. The students clos ed the window, took their instruments in their hands, and after playing three or four lively tunes seemed to forget all that had occurred. Ernest said to them, how ever, after the space of half an hour: 44 You seem to be very quiet. I cannot he, for I have made a promise that I would give something which I had not got." 44 What promise?" inquired one of the light hearted companions. 44 The piomise of a house and garden." A loud laugh was the response that he met with, and the students separated.— They met again on the following evening, and during their interview Ernesttfallrd their attention to the promise of the night before. They made light of him, amftold him that he was foolish to pay any atten tion to it. Then, said he, 44 1 don't see where your consciences are, if you can make a promise and break your word." 44 How can we fulfill any promise of that kind?" said Christopher. 41 Our parents are all poor, and have more than they can do to send us to the university. How can they help us to buy a house and a gar den for a foolish old man ?" Good night, comrades. I wish you as pleasant a sleep as I shall have!" Bat this kind of drgnment did not af fect Ernest much, for he could not help thinking that he was compelled to keep his bargain. lie was the poorest of the group for his mother was a plain widow, and she made her living by washing. The promise he made deeply affected him and he left the university for a week, o that he might go home and tell his mother the pledge he had made the old musician.— After he had told her she replied : " Keep ' it my son, keep it if it costs you your life." " Th'at is what I will try to do, mother, and I hope I shall have your prayers." Ernest returned to the university and told his friends they must seriously think of buying the old man a house and garden. He went into a neighboring village one day, and found that he could get a neat little house and garden for two thousand guineas. That was a large sum for those poor students to think of paying, but thro, the influence of Ernest the other three he came convinced that it was their duty to keep their promise. The four resolved that in one year from the time the pledge was made, the old man should have his house and garden if it WHS in their power to get them for him. They must university —a sad proceeding for them. They came to the conclusion to go thiongli the country, and give little concerts; for really thi appear ed the only way possible to gain any mon ey. Even by pursuing this course there appeared to be a poor prospect to get so large a sum. Still they resolved to do their best. They closed their hooks and put their instruments into little hags and set out on foot to give concerts, in the villages through which they might pass.— Ernest, before leaving, exacted a promise of the man who owned the bouse and lot which he had looked at, that he would not sell it under six months to anybody,nd that if he would promise to take it at the end of that time he might have it, though the money need not be paid under a year. Week after week passed on, and the stu dents slowly proceeded on their way.— Their expenses were not heavy, but their income was certainly very small too. Nine months and a half had passed bv, and still they had but little over seven hundred guilders. It was a question with them how the remaining thirteen hundred could be raised They were Spending one day at a country town, and a noble living in a ' large castle a few miles distant, was seek ing rausicans to attend the wedding of his i daughter who was to be married in three or four davs. Fortunatelv enough for the (■lndents, the nobleman employed thorn for the occasion. The marriage ceremony took place, and by and by it was time for the music to begin. The students had < trained themselves very carefully tor the i evening, and their selections were certain ly of a very high order. During the course of the festivities, it was noticed that the nobleman became very sad. His face wore a melancholy appearance, ami those who stood nearest to him saw him weeping. What could have caused him to be mclati choly at such a time as that ? One of the pieces those musicians played was his mother's favorite melody. She had often sung it to him many years ago, and he had not heard it since, until the students play ed. It was enough to make him sorrow ful, and it drew those students to his heart in such away that he couldn't express his feelings. They had recalled to mind the piece whieh he had never been able to lind in music stores, and which it was now worth a fortune to him to hear. I must now make my stoty short. The nobleman kept the four students in bis castle two weeks, became acquainted with them fully, and learned their object in leaving the university to give concerts. — He supplied them with three thousand guilders, and told them that they might have the privilege of making drafts on him at any time. On the evening of the day when the old man promised to appear, he stood b' low the window, playing his old violin. He was true to his word, and expected the promise to be kept The young men went down to invite him up and told him all they had done. They showed him the deed for his place and gave it to him. On the following day he formally took possession of it, and they supplied it with furniture and with groceries for housekeeping. The young men felt that they were am ply repaid for their faithfulness to their word by the gratitude and joy of the old man. But they were not only repaid in feelings ; they were more than repaid in money. Fourteen years from that time that place was taken, into their possession ; for the old man died and bequeathed it to them in his will. That part of the town rose suddenly in value. Many things contribu ted to its increased value which I will cot enumerate. it is enough to say that in seventeen years from the time the four students gave the deed of that house and garden to the old musician, the same property which bad cost two thousand guilders was worth eigh ty thousand. The students were not only paid in heart, but also in money. They had kept their word, and even to the poor old man who had no power to compel them to be true to it, was a pleasant memory as long as they lived. Leap Year—" Sealed Proposals." A chap at Louisville issued a leap year invitation and sent the following notice to the contractors for publication in the Courier: To CONTRACTORS. —The undersigned, feeling the nt cd of some one to find fault with and grumble at when business mat ters go wrong; and being lonely with no one to hate him, and whereas, having ar rived at the proper age, he is therefore de termined to " coine out," Scaled proposals will he received till 12 o'clock midnight, of the 3lst December, 18G8. Applicant must possess beauty, or its equivalent in currency. She must possess a sweet and forgiving disposition, and, when one cheek is kissed turn the other, (that is, if the right man is ki.-sing.) She may not chew gum. Nor wear long dresses on the street. Nor frequent sewing circles. Nor go around begging fcr charitable purposes. Nor read the paper first in the morning. Nor talk when I am sleepy. Nor sleep when 1 am talking. Nor trade my clothes to wandering Ital ians for flower vases. Nor hot row money from my vest pock ets while I sleep. Nor hold a looking glass over my face, at such times to make me tell al! I know. She must believe in the sudden attack of chills, and make allowances for their ef fects on the nervous system. When her "old hear" comes home from •' meeting a few friends" rather affection ate, she nnist not take advantage of bis stale and wheedle him into trips to water ing places. And above all, sbe may not on such oc casions put ipecac into the coffee she pre scribes for his " poor head." She must not sit up for him when he happens to be detained to a late hour on his committee But when he docs return, tired and sleepv, she will be expected to roll over to the other side, and give him her own warm place. A lady possessing the foregoing qualifi cations, positive and negative, can hear of something to her advantage by inclosing a red stamp All proposals must be accompanied by satisfactory evidence of ability of the ap plicant to support a husband in the style to which he has been accustomed. flg?" Davy Crockett happened once to be present at an exhibhiou of animals in the city of Washington, when a monkey seemed to attract his particular attention, and he abstractedly observed — " If that fellow had oo a pair of specta cles, he would look like Maj. Wight.of O." The major happened to be just h hind Crockett, and tapped Davy on the slioul ; der. Turning around, Davy very formally ! remarked " I'll be hanged, major, if 1 know whose • pardon to Bkt youra or the donkey s." THE " WHAT IS IT " OUTDONE. About twenty-five miles from this city, says the Vicksburg Herald, March 1, is a small stream known as Bear Creek, which empties into the Big Black River. For some time past strange stories have been told by the negroes of an extraordinary animal seen n< at this creek. These stories weie laughed at and derided by the citi zen*, no one believing in any such state ments. This extraordinary creature had of ten suddenly presented himself mong the negroes in the early twilight, causing great consternation among tbem. lie is describ j ed hy the negroes as being about eight feet high, cacti eye, in their language, as | large as a hen's egg, with no nose, and no ; upper lip, his two eye teeth as large as a I man's thumb, extending down over his | chin about eight inches; his right foot , points directly to the front, and his left to | the rear, and the measurement of the track ; is just twenty-three inches in length ; bis j finger nails are five or six inches long ; the j hair on his head—which is stifF and wiry | —sweeps the ground as he walks, and is, j parted in the rear and brought down in I front, on each side of his singularly form led che9t, which is not round or flat but is j angular like a fowl s. The hair on the 1 body of this singular being is very stiff, ; and grows to the rear, parting at the angle \ of the breastbone growing back and uni ; ting with a long stiff growth on his spine, which extends back one foot like the spi | nal fin of a fish, or the bristles on the back of a boar—the hair on his arms is parted, and grows in the same way, making a long, thick brush on the back ot' the arms ex tending from the shoulders to the point of the middle finger. The same peculiari ty is observable on his legs. No white person has eTcr seen him till recently, when be was discovered by a hunting party. — Several gentleman—acquaintances of ours —met on last Thursday week, with a view of bear bunting in this swamp. — They were accompanied by about fifteen well trained bear dogs. They prepared early in the morning, and when about commencing, their attention was attracted to an unusually large track in the softsoil; upon examination it was discovered that the track was being constantly reversed.— In an instant the stories of the negroes oc curred to the party, and at once it was determined to follow the creature which bad made this track. The dogs were in stantly called and encouraged to follow the track, which they did promptly. The gentlemen, mounted upon good horses, fouud but little difficulty in keeping well up with the bounds. In a few minutes an object was presented to their view which sent a chill in the heart of every member of the party. They had unearthed the nondescript. A being —apparently human —suddenly arose from his lair, turned and for a moment stood in silent inspec tion at hi 9 pursuers, and then instantly, with a yell truly terrible, wheeled, and with the speed of the fastest horse, rushed away befote the dogs, This wild and ex cited chase was continued for nearly fen miles, when at last the terrible monster, foaming with rage, was brought to bay upon the bank of the Big Black, and turn ing with a fury unparalleled, it seized the foremost dog with both hands, and by the exercise of superhuman muscular strength, buried its long talons into the body of the howling brute, and literally tore the dog asunder. Dropping this,it instantly seized the next, an J sent its two immense tusks throngli the head of the doomed dog.— One of the hunters, becoming alarmed for the safety ot the party, drew his revolver and fired twice at the monster, but evi dently without effect other than to fright en it by the report, when, turning with a hideous yell, it plunged into the river, di ving and remaining under water fully five minutes, when it suddenly sprang into the air, screaming equal to a regiment of sol diers. It finally swam to the other side and disappeared in the neighboring forest, < since which time it has only been seen twice by white persons. Several attempts have been made to capture it, but up to the present time without success. What this strange creature is no one can conjec t ire. Ihe gentlemen with whom we have conversed represent it as a black man, over six feet high, but in other respects resembling, to a gn at degree, the descrip tion given by the negroes. It has broken the negroes from attending Loyal League, at night in that section of the country. baggage-master on Pittsburg, Fort Wayne ami Chicaga Railioad, known throughout the region as " Jim, "occasion ally indulges in remarks of a jockular sort. During the rebellion, when Western pul pits were made political rostrums, Jim met some old friends travelling on the cars. After inquiring about old acquaint ances and talking about old times, one of the party asked. " l>y the way how is politics about here?" "Well," replied Jim, " I'll be darned if 1 know, for T have not been to church iu more'n a month. " • A famous judge came late to court, one day in busy season, whereat the clerk in great surprise, inquired of him the reason. •' A child was born, " his honor said, and I am the happy sire. " " An in fant judge ?" "O, no, " said he, "as yet he's but a crier." Two little Sabbath school boys in Boston got veiy heated over a vexed question in their l"snn. and startled their reaeher,whose hack wa turned for a moment, wt'h "I tell ye it's Mary Magazine and not Magdalene." and thrusting bis hands deep and desperate ly into his trnwsers pocxct. sung cut, "Now whsrt'll yem bet TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance pi*! anil glfretfoi*!. Water reddens the rose, whisky the nose, and Jack Frost the toes. Why is a gent treading on a lady's dreas like a hunter I Because he's on the trail of a dear. In one of Josh Billings' late papers he says : "The sun was going to bed and the hevins fur and near were a bluihing at the performance." A German while crossing the Alleghany mountains during the past winter, states — "Dat ven going up de mountain, hish feet slipped him on de ice, and he como down on de broad of hish back, mit hish face slicking in de mud, and dere he shtoo:." The real champions of the ring—mothers with daughters to marry. The "sugar wedding," thirty days after marriage, is the latest fashion. How may a man be known from a fatigued dog ? One wears a shirt the other pants. A BRIGHT ONE The brightest little chap, for his size and age, that we ever saw, was one whom we lately came across, torturing tadpoles ia a spring upoD a roadside, alto gether out of sight and hearing of any human habitation. "Where do you live, my son 7" inquired we, just as he had stirred up a big bullfrog from the mud, with a mullen stalk. "I don't live nowhere, only home." "Where is jour home 7" "Over the hill, next house to Mr. Wag ner's." "Have you parent's living 7" "What's them 7" "I meao, have you a father and mother 7" ' Yes, sir ; but pap's went dead _a good while, and mother says she won't stand it, cause it's too hard work." "What work does your mother do 7" "Milks the cow, and all sort o' tbings.'i "Is your mother a pious woman—a good Christian 7" "No, sir, she's a Dutchman t" Here the littls genius went to stirring op the frogs. AVOID BAD COMPANY. —The following lit tle table contains a deal of wisdom ; and editors, clergymen—indeed, all classes in society, will do well to remember it, and govern themselves accordingly : "A skunk once challenged a lion to a sin gle combat. The lion promptly declined t£e honor of such a meeting. "How," said tbe skunk, "are you afraid 7" "Very much so," quoth the lion, "for jon would only gain fame by having tbe hoaor to fight a lion, while every one who met me for a month to come would know that I bed been iu company with a skunk." A Printer on seeing a sheriff closely pur suing an unfortunate author, remarked, "that it was a new edition of the Pursuits of Lit* orature, unbound and hot pressed." What is the difference between an old dime aHd a new penny 7 Nine cents. Hans, who is a judge of morals as well as money, says that being tender to anotkor man's wife ts not a "legal tender." A credulous maD said ta a wag who had a .wooden leg : "How came you to bav# a wood en leg 7" "Why," answered tbe wag, "my father had one, and so had my grandfather. It runs in the blood." WHO MOVED DIS WELL.—Some years since a prominent busines man of Northampton, who began to "sow his wild oats" when a boy, and hasn't got through yet, attended a colored ball in that town. After each "break down" he noticed that a well near the house, which, by the way, was not a deep one, was resorted to by the men to quench their thirst. Unobserved while the dance was go ing on, he slipped oat of tbe house and mov ed the curb a few feet beyond the well, and then waited the result. Presently out came one of the dancers, and plump to the bottom of the well be went. Blowing and puffing be came to the top and exclaimed : "Gosh ! who went moved dia well since I'se out bero last V' "AROfMKSTUM AD HoMISEM."—A ikepti csl young collegian confronted an old Quaker with the statement that he did not believe in the Bible. Beid the Quaker : "Does thee believe in France 7" "Yea ; for though 1 have not seen it,l have seen others who have ; besides there is plen ty of corroborative proof that auch a country does exist." •'Then thee will not believe anything tbee or others have not seen 7" "No, to be sure I won't." "Did thee ever see tby own brains 7" "No." ' F.rer see anybody that did 7" "No." "Does thee believe theo ha any 1" Yrtjg goodness t res' grestrievi NO. 33.