Wyoming democrat. (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, November 27, 1867, Image 1
Upmitig jjflfffo Bemorvat HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher. VOL. VII. Pgaraiitg ffmartai Terms—! copy 1 year, (in advance) $"2,00 ; if aot paid within six months, $'2.50 will be charged NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar rearageare paid; unless at the option of publisher. RATES OF ADVERTISING. TEH LINES CONSTITUTE A SQUARE. Cos square one or three insertions 11.50 Erery subsequent insertion less than 8 50 RSAL ESTATE, PERSONAL PROPERTY and GENERAL ADVERTISING, as may be agreed upon. PATENT MEDICINES and other advertisements oy the column : One column, 1 year, S6O Half column, 1 year 35 Third column, 1 year, 25 Fourth column, 1 year, 20 Business Cards of one square or less, per year with paper, SB. EDITORIAL or LOCAL ITEM advertising—with out Advertisement —15 cts. per line. Liberal terms made with permanent advertisers. EXECUTORS, ADMINISTRATORS and AUDI TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, $'2,50 OBITUARIES,-exceeding ten lines, each ; RELI GIOUS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general uterest, one half the regular rates. or dvertisements must be handed in by TcBI DET NOON, to insure insertion the same week. JOB WORK if all kinds neatly executed, and at prices to suit th times. Ali TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB WORK must be paid for, when ordered Business Notices. RK.& W E LITTLE, ATTORNEYS AT LAW Office OR Tioga Street Tunkbannoek Fa HS. COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON • Newton Centre, LuierneCounty Pa. 0 1,, I'ARKTSHT ATTORNEY AT LAW • Offi-e at the Court House, in Tuukhannock Wyoming Co. Pa. YUM. M . PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW Of it fice m Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk ■tnnock, Pa. T W. R IIOAD*t, PHYSICIAN A SURGKO N J. will attend promptly to all calls in hispro (usion. May be found at his Office at the Drug Store, or at his residence on Putman Sreet, formerly occupied by A. K. Peckham Esq. DENTISTRY. DR. L T. BURNS has permanently located in Tunkharinock Borough, and respectfully tenders hi# professional services to its citizens. Office on second floor, formerly occupied by Dr. Wiltnan. v6n3otf. PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE, ANN 3?2xxrc loxro, liy 7C. HUG EH, Artist. Rooms over the Wyoming National bank,in Stark's Brick Block, TUNKHANNOCK, PA. Life-size Portraits painted from Ambrotypes or Photographs —Photographs Painted in Oil Colors. — All orders for pointings executed accordingto or der, or no charge made. LV Instructions given in Drawing. Sketching, Portrait and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water Colors, and in all branches of the art, Tuuk , July 31, "g7 -vgnoO-tf. NEW TAILORING SHOP The Subscriber having had a sixteen years prac ttcal experience in cuttiag and making clothing BOW offers his services in this line to the citizens of NIOBOLSON and vicinity. Those wishing to get Fits will find his shop the |7i-e to get them. JOEL, R, SMITH -nSO-6mos BOLTON HOUSE. HAHHISHUFIG, PENNA. The undersigned having lately purchased the " BUEULER HOUSE " property, has already com- i tnencel such alterations aDd improvements as will | render this old and popular House equal, if not supe rior, to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg. A continuance of the public patronage is refpect fully solicited. GEO. J. BOLTON WALLS HOTEL LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/ TU NKHAMNOCK, WYOMING CO., IA. THIS establishment has recently been refitted an A furnished in the latest style Every attention nil be given to the comfort and convenience of those •ho patronise the House T. B. W ALL, Owner and Proprietor-: __Tuokhannock, September 11, 1861. NORTH BRANCH HOTEL, MESUOPPEN, WYOMING COUNTY, PA Wm. H. CORTRIGHT, Prop'r ITAVINQ resumed the proprietorship of the above A underaigMd will spare no efforts render the honse an agreenble place of sojourn to I sil who may favor it with theircustom. o a Wm. H CORTRIGHT. June, 3rd, 1863 MEANS'HOTEL! OWANDA., PA. JVB- BARTLET, ILateofi.. BBRAINARD HOUSE, ELMIRA, N Y. PROPRIETOR. The MEANS HOTEL, Done of the LARGEST' nd BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country-It '< fitted up in the most modern and improved style, j and no pains are spared to make it a pleasant and •greeable stoppngi jqace for all, v 3- My Jt . THK peculiar taint or _ rL Infection which. wo NEp ' CJi ' call SCROTI: LA lurks ▼ yl! In the constitutions of /gjj Y. multitudes of men. It e^er P ro^ucel or " ■ I vitiated state llfeof the blood, wherein JT J xßFthat fluid becomes in yßf competent to eustain v 'tal forces in their act ' on ' ant^ decay. The scrofulous contamination is va riously caused by mercurial disease, low living, disordered digestion from unhealthy food, impure air, filth and filthy habits, the depressing vices, and. above all, by the venereal infection. Whatever be its origin, it is hereditary in the constitution, descending " from parents to children unto the third and fourth generation;" indeed, it seems to be the rod of Ilini who says, "I will visit the iniquities of the fathers upon their cliihlren." The diseases it originates take various names, according to the organs it attacks. In the lungs, Scrofula produces tubercles, and finally Consumption; in the glands, swellings which suppurate and be come ulcerous sores; in the stomach and bowels, derangements which produce indi gestion, dyspepsia, and liver complaints; on the skin, eruptive and cutaneous affections. These, all living the same origin, require tho same remedy, viz., purification and invigora tion of the blood. Purify the blood, and these dangerous distempers leave you. With feeble, foul, or corrupted blood, you cannot have health; with that "life of the flesh" healthy, you cannot have scrofulous disease. Ayer's Sarsaparilla is compounded from the most effectual anti dotes that medical science lias discovered for this afflicting distemper, and for the cure of the disorders it entails. That it is far supe rior to any other remedy yet devised, is known by all who have given it a trial. That it does combine virtues truly extraordinary in their effect upon this class of complaints, is indisputably proven by the great multitude of publicly known and remarkable cures it has made of the following diseases: King's Evil, or Glandular Swellings, Tumors, Eruptions, Pimples, Blotches and Sores, Erysipelas, Rose or St Anthony's Fire, Salt Rheum, Scald Head, Coughs from tuberculous deposits in the lungs, White Swellings, Debility, Dropsy, Neuralgia, Dyspepsia or Indigestion, Syphilis and Syphilitic Infections, Mercurial Diseases, Female Weaknesses, and. indeed, the whole series of complaints that arise from impurity of the blood. Minute reports of individual eases may be found in AYER'S AMERICA* ALMANAC, which is furnished to the druggists for gratuitous distribution, wherein may be learned the directions for its use, and some of the remarkable cures which it has made when all other remedies had failed to afford relief. Those cases are purposely taken from nil sections of the country, in order that every reader may have access to some one who can speak to liiin of its benefits from personal experience. Scrofula depresses the vital energies, and thus leaves its victims far more subject to disease and its fatal results than are healthy constitutions. Hence it tends to shorten, and does greatly shorten, the average duration of human We. The vast importance of these considerations has led us to spend years in perfecting a remedy which is adequate to its cure. This wo now offer to the public under the name of AYFR'S SARSATARILI.A, although it is composed of ingredients, some of which exceed the best of Sarsaparilla in alterative power. By its aid you may protect yourself from the suffer ing and danger of these disorders. I'urgo out the foul corruptions that rot anil fester in the blood, purge out the causes of disease, and vigorous health will follow. ly its pecu liar virtues this remedy stimulates the vital functions, anil thus expels the distempers which lurk within the system or burst out on any part of it. We know the public have been deceived by many compounds of Sareapcrilla, that promised much and did nothing; but they will neither bo deceived nor disappointed in this. Its virtues have been proven by abun dant trial, and there remains no question of its surjmssing excellence for the cure of the afflicting diseases it is intended to reach. Although under the same name, it is a very different medicine from any other which has lieen before the people, anil is far "more ef fectual than any other which has ever been available to thein. AYER'S CIIERRY PECTORAL. The World's Great Remedy for Coughs, Colds, Incipient Con sumption, and for the relief of Consumptive patients in advanced stages of the disease. This has been so long used and so uni versally known, that we need do no more than assure the public that its quality is kept j up to the liest it ever has been, and that it may be relied on to do all it has ever done. Prepared by I)K. J. C. AVER & Co., Practical and Analytical Chemist*, Lowell. Mass. Sold by all druggists every where. For sale byßuniiell A Bannatyne, and Lyman A Whlls, Tunkhaunork. Sterling A Son, Meshoppen, Stevens A Ackley, Laceyville, Frear, Iwan A Co , Faetoryville, and all Druggists aud Desists in tned , icines, everywhere. Teetli Positively Kxtracteil WITHOUT PAIN! NEW PROCESS. NEITHER CLOROFORM, ETHER, NOR OAS. WHICH' ARE SO INSURIOUS TO TO HEAL TH AN LIFE. This Substance is applied directly to the gums producing a numbness (local Anaesthesia) of only the parts around the tooth, wherehy it can be extracted without any pain whatever, and without unpleasant ness to the Patient: CALL AT MY OFFICE AND BE CONVINCED. J. J. SETMOUft, Surgeon Dentist, I Laceyville, Pa.---v7no-3m: FOR NON-RETENTION OR INCONTINENCE |of Urine, irritation, inflamation, or ulceration of the bladder, of kidneys, diseases of the prostrate glands, stone iu the bladder, calculus, gravel or brick dust deposits, and all diseases ot the bladder, kidneys, ; and dropsical swelllings. | USE HRLMBOLD'S FLOI EXTRACT B roast. SHATTERED CONSTITUTIONS RESTORED by ileawbola's Extract Buchu* I | MANHOOD AND YOUTHFUL VIGOR a j aqpausd flrr avjr TDNKHANOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.-WEDNESDAY, NOV. 27, 1807. HFLFTRY. ONE MORE INSANE ONE. One more insane one Ruined, for life, The reason a plain one,— He's taken a wife Loving him tenderly, This widjw so fair Trim and so slenderly, Took him in snare. Where was his lather ! Where was his mother 1 Where was his sister! Where was his brother! Or was there no sharper one Still than another ! For the bleak winds ef March He cares not a staver, But h's wife's "frowning arch" Make# him tremble and shiver. Once he looked boldly, No matter how coldly, Life's currents ran ; The girls he could wink at them. Smile at and think of them, Like a gay single man ; His miseries now shrink at them—- Be wise ! wise when you can. DEAD VIOLETS. Let tbem lie—ah ! let them lie ! Plucked flowers—dead to-morrow ; Lift the lid up quietly, As you'd lift the mystery Of a buried sorrow. Let them lie—the fragrant thingi, All their aouls thus giving; Let ro breeze's ambient wings, And no useless water-springs, Mock tbem into living. They have lived—they live no more ; Nothing can requite them, For the gentle life they bore, Which to up-yield in fall (tore It did so delight them. Yes, I ween, flower corses fair! 'Twos a joyful yielding , Like some Heroic, rare, That leaps boldly forth in the air For its loved one's shielding. Surely, ye were gfad to die In the hand that slew ye; Glad to leave the open sky, And the airs that wandered by. And the bees that knew ye. Giving up a email earth-place, Aud a day of blooming. Here to lie in a narrow space, Smiling in this smileless face With such sweet perfuming. 0 ye little violets ! dead, Confined from all gazes, We will also smile and shed Out of heart-floweis withered Perfume of sweet praises. And as ye, for this poor sake, Lore with life are buying, So, I doubt not One will make All our gathered flowers to take Richer scent through dying. Chamber'* Journal. When four woodiarke are allowed to do all the singing in the forest, and four seraphs all the singing of heaveD,theo can our church es afford to depend for siDging upon four per aons who stand in the loft, with their throats yet sore froui singirg at tho opera, executing their fugue tune, and torturing our good old hyuius in the following style ! "We'll catch the flee We'll catch the flee We'll catch the flee-ting hour." "Pity our pol Pity our pol Pity oar pal-luted souls." "He'll take the pil He'll take the pil He'll take the pil-gritn home." ' With reverence let the saints appear, And bow —ow—ow before the Lord." TRUE.—Dr. Franklin remarked that a man as often gets two dollars for the one he spends informing his mind, as a dollar laid out in auotber way. A man eats a pound of sugar and it is gone and the pleasure he has enjoyed is ended, and the information he gets from a newspaper is treasured up to be enjoyed anew, and to be used whenever occasion or inclination calls for it A newspaper is not the wis dom of a man, oi two men, it is the wis dom of the age, and of past ages too. A family without a newspaper is always be hind the times in general information ; besides they can never think much or find much to talk about. And then there are the little ones grtfwing up without any taste for reading. Who, then, would ba without a newspaper—and who would read one regular without paying for it. "Betsey, get up and get me Bomething to eat." "Why, John, there's nothing cooked." "Well, get up and cook somethißg." "There's nothing to cook." "Nothing at all 7" "No " "Well, get up, and get a clean knife and fork—l'll go thro' the motions anyhow." A Montgomery paper in describing an ex ecution, (ays that "after tho singing and praying, I he hatchet of Sam Alexander, Esq., wafted the eoul of the unfortunate man into eternity." " To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. " MENTAL INGENUITY. OR, TRYING TO HOOK A BACHELOR, "Don't you think my daughter Zephyri na is a very fine figure ?" said Mrs. Long, tbe other evening, to Mr. Short, as she was sitting beside him on the sofa, and Zephyrina was playing on the harp. — Mrs. Long had several daughters to dis pose of, and Mi. Short was a bachelor well to do in the world. His temper was a little crabbed, and his wit a little sar castic ; but Mrs. Long had daughters to marry, the eldest of whom, Zephyrina was none of the youngest, her precise age we do not know, and if we did, it would not be polite to mention it. "Don't yon think my daughter Zephy rina is a very fine figure said Mrs. Long with a glance of maternal satisfaction. "Umph ?" muttered Mr. Short, as he tapped bis snuff box for tbe third time, "very much like a figure 5, I think !" "A figure 5!" said Mrs. Long, a little mortified, though she knew the disposition of Mr. Short. "A figure $, do you say, Mr. Short. Oh, now you must be think ing of your interest table. Compare my daughter Zephyrina to a figure 5. Fie, fie on you, Mr. Short ; you'll never get mar ried as long as you live." "If I don't, it will be no fault of yours, Mrs. Long," sa'd Mr. Short, as he threw a long pinch of snuff up his nose. "True, true," said Mrs. Long, with a look of great kindness, "I take an interest in the welfare of mv neighbors, and like to sec all single men provided for. Don't you think Zephyrina plays the harp and sings with a great deal of taste ?" "I think her execution is uncommon." "I am glad you approve it, Mr. Short." "I didn't say I approved of it, Mrs. Long. I merely said 'twas uncommon—very much like the noise of two cats in a gut ter." "Oh von shocking man ! Mr. Short— you've no taste, no feeling." "But I can hear very sensibly, Mrs. Long," putting his fingers in his ears. "You've no music in your soul,as Hand mill says." "That cursed noise has driven it all out.'' "Indeed Zephyrina's voice is not exact ly in tune to night ; but I think she plays and sings remarkably well, for one of her age don't you, Mr. Short ?" "Umph ! ay—for that matter, she is in deed rather old to learn " "Old ! Mr. Short ?" "Ay, madam,you know they learn these things much better in their younger days." "llow old do yon take my daugher Zephyrina to be, Mr. Short "Lord ! ma'am, how should I know ? I wasn't at the christening. But she's no eliicken." "As true as I'm alive, Mr. Short, she is only nine—' "And twenty, Mrs. Long ? Well, I'm not a judge of these matters, but I should say—" "She looks ten years older than she real ly is. She has a very womanly look for one of her age —don't you think 6he has Mr. Short ?" "Uuiph ! 1 think she has some resem blance to a woman " "She was forward at fifteen, though I say it, as most girls ave at twenty-five." "I hate your forward chit." "But you don't understand me, Mr. Short ; I mean she was as forward in wo manly appearance," "< >h, as to the appearance,! could swear she had been a woman these dozen years." Dancing was now proposed, and as Mr. Short protested against shaking the foot even though Zephyrina was ready to be his partner, Mrs. Long still entertained him with the accomplishments of her daughter. "Don't you admire Zephyrina's dancing?' "I can't say that I'm a judge of those small matters, Mrs. Long" "You're too modest, Mr. Short." "It's a rare fault, Mrs Long." "Observe with what crace she moves; — I really think she dances remarkably, for one of her age, don't you think so, Mr. Short 7" "Umph ! 1 think she dances much bet ter than the elephant. In fact, the ele phant is a very clumsy dancer." "Fie, fie on you ! Mr. Short,to compare my daughter Zephyrina to a four legged beastess." "Why, that's not her fault, you know ma'am." "Whose fault?" " Why, your daughter's that she wasn't made a beastess too, as you call the ele phant." " I hope no insinuations, Mr. Short ?" "Oh Lord! no ma'am, I havn't an in sinuation turn." " Don't you think Zepbyriua is just about tbe right height ?" " I think she's rather Long." "Do you indeed, Mr. Short? I hope you don't think it an objection." " Objection ! Oh by no means —she may be Long—ah, as long as she pleases l've no objection." " I'm glad to hear yon say to, Mr. Shoit, Zephyrina is certainly rather tall of her age." " I hate a beanpole." " How your mind is always wandering from the point, Mr. Short. If I talk of music, you talk of cats in the gutter. If 1 speak of a lady's dancing, you talk of the movements of an elephant. If I speak of a tall young woman, you immediately fly to a beanpole." " That is my misfortune, Mrs. Long." " Well, well, every body must have their little peculiarities. Did I ever show you my daughter Zephyrina's drawings/'' "Of beer, or cider?" " What are you thinking of, Mr. Short?" " Why, I don't pretend to know, I'm sure ma'am." " I spoke about Zephyrina's drawing and you talk about beer or cider. I mean her drawings of birds and flowers, Mr. Short." "Oh—ay—yes—l understand you." "Just step to this table, Mr. Short, and we can examine them to more advantage. There ! what do you think of that, Mr. Short ?" "That's a beautiful crow." "A crow! Mr. Short—ha! ha! ba! a crow ! Why, what in the world can yon be thinking of/ That's a robin red breasL" " Well, I dare say il is, now you men tion it, Mrs. Long—but 1 really took it to be a crow. The truth is, these things should always have the names written un derneath ." "So I told Zephyrina—but la!— She said they'd speak for themselves." "Caw! Caw!—l beg your pardon, ma'am, that's the note of a crow, and now 1 recollect you said this was a robin red breast." " This was one of Zephyrina's first at tempts ; the next is more perfect. Look at this, Mr. Short," turning over a leaf. " What a pretty looking gosling." "Oh murder! Mr. Short—l thought you was a man of more taste." " I admire a young goose, well stuffed and roasted." " But I mean in drawing!" " Did you ever see me drawing a cork, Mrs. Long?" " Nonsense ! Now you've got from beer and cider to corks. A gosling indeed ! Why, this is a goldfinch, Mr. Short." " I'm very glad you informed me, Mrs. Long, for really my taste in painted birds is so small, that I took that to be a gos ling. Ah, what's here? A codfish, as I'm alive, and a charming one it is." " Oh, Mr. Short, how san you be so stu pid ? That's a butterfly." "Is that a butterfly, Mrs. Long? Do you say, upon your honor, that codfish is a butterfly." "Fie! fie! Mr. Short! I've as good a mind, as ever I bad to eat, not to show you anoiber t living thing. You've r.o taste in ornithology. Perhaps you'll like the flowers better. Isn't tbat beautiful ?" "What! that cabbage? I never could abide a cabbage." " Cabbage! Oh shocking! call that rose a cabbage." •' Is that a rose ?" " Indeed it is a damask rose. Look at this. Mr Short." "What, that mullein? Well, that i 6 pretty, I must confess —it's as natural as life.' " That's a carnation, Mr. Short." "Oh ! a carnation, is it? Well I dare say you're right—yes, it must be a carna tion, now I think of it." " Don't you think on the whole, Mr. Short, that Zephyrina draws surprising for one of "her age ?" " I must confess I never saw tbe like." " I'm charmed to hear you say so, Mr Short—the approbation of a man of taste is highly gratifying." " I've very little taste in these things, as I said before." " Take a piece of this cake, Mr. Short, and a glass of wine. The cake is of Zeph yrina's own making." "Umph!" . " Light as a cork —don't you find it so?" " Lleavy as a grindstone," muttered Mr. Short—" Shan't be able to sleep a wink to-night—terrible thing for the dyspepsia. I'll take another glass of wine, if you please ma'am. Confound the cake !" " Zephyrir.a, dear, I wish you'd enter tain Mr. Short a few mumeuts while I " " I'll take my leave, Mrs. Long. Good night" Mr Short took his leave, and Mrs. Long declared to her daughter Zephyrina, that she thought any further attempt to catch the crabbed old bachelor would be labor thrown away, and that she should present ly bait her hook for smaller fry. There was a dry old fellow out in Jefferson county, in this State, who called one day on the member of Congress elect The family were at breakfast, and the old man was not in a decent trim to be invited to sit by ; but be was hungry, and deter mined to get an invitation. " What's the news!" inquired the Con gressman. " Nothing much, but one of my neigh bors gave his child such a queer name." " Ah ! and what name was that ?" " Why Come and Eat." The name was so peculiar that it was repeated. " Come and Eat ?" " Yes, thank you," said the old man, " I don't care if I do," and drew up to the table. An Arkansas paper referring to the game of that State savs : Grouse, turkeys, squirrels, rabbits and quails are abundant. Wild geese, ducks and crane are cleaving the air and plover woodcock and snipe ate skimming the ground. Opossums and coons are thick in the woods, and shite pokes and king-fishers are lording it over streams and ponds. Frogs have retired for the winter and musketoes are disap pearing. The chicken cholera is taking off the flies and sparrow-hawks and young ohickens. Fleas are thinning out, and grasshoppers are becoming scarce. CONCERNING MAN. . i . _:' . ( Wonders.at home by familiarity cease to excite astonishment; but thence it hap pens that many know but little about the " house we live in"—the human body.— We took upon a bouse from the outside, just as a whole or unit, never thinking of the many rooms, the curious passages, and the ingenious internal arrangements of the house, or of the wonderful structure of the man, the harmony and adaptation of all his parts. In the human skeleton, about the time of maturity, are 165 bones. The muscles are about 500 in number. The length of the alimentary canal is about 32 feet. The amount of blood in an adult avera ges 80 pounds, or full one-fifth of the en tire weight. The heart is six inches in length and four inches in diameter, and beats 70 times per minute, 4,200 times per honr, 100,800 times per day, 36,772.000 times per year, 2,565,440.000 in three score and ten, and at each beat two and a half ounces of blood are thrown out of it, 175 ounces per min ute, 656 pounds per hour, 7$ tons per day. All the blood in the body passes tlirongh the heart iu three years. This little or gan, by its ceaseless industry, ID the allotted spaa The Psalmist gave to man. lifts the enormous weight of 370,700,200 tons. The lungs will contain about one gallon of air, at their usual degree of inflation.— We breathe on an average 1,200 tiroes per hour, inhale 600 gallons of air or 24,400 gallons per day. The aggregate surface of the air cells of the lungs exceeds 20,000 square inches, an area nearly equal to the floor of a room 12 feet square. The average weight of the brain of an adult male is three pounds and 8 ounces; of a female, two pounds and fonr ounces. The nerves are all connected with it, di rectly or by tbe spinal marrow. These nerves, together with their branches and minute ramifications, probably exceed 10,- 000,000 in number, forming a ' body guard' outnumbering by far the greatest army ever marshaled. The skin is composed of three layers, and varies from one-fourth to oue-eight of an inch in thickness. Its average in an adult is estimated to be 3000 square inch es. The atmospheric pressure being about 14 pounds to the square inch, a person of medium size is subjected to a pressure of 40,000 pounds! Pretty tight hug. Each square inch of skin contains 3,500 sweating tubes, or perspiration pores, each of which may be likened to a little drain tile oue-fourth of au inch long, making an aggregate length of the entire surface of the body of 2u 1,266 feet, or a tile ditch almost forty miles long. Man is made marvelously. Who is ea ger to investigate the curious, to witness the wonderful works of Omnipotent Wis dom, let him not wander the wide world round to seek them, but examine himself. '• The piopey study of mankind is man," — Cin. Journ tl of Commerce. HOW THE TOLL-GATHERER WAS DONE. Most every one is familiar with the mode of driving (?) a drove of young mnles. It is on the inverse system. The drover buys up from fifty to one hundred young, unbroken mules, and mounted on a brood mare, they follow after the same as do sheep the bell-weather of a flock. For a great many years an old hand at the busi ness, known as "Ole Sol"—who if he ever j possessed any other patrionimio, had prob ably forgotten the fact—was in the 'habit | of bringing in from the West a drove of j the long-eared animals, and disposing of them to the farmers of South Jersey. The last business visit he made to that section was about the time the turnpike mania raged, and a single bar was stretched across nearly every public road, to pass which required tbe payment of — " For every dozen of horses, muries or cattle, 6 cents a mile." "Ole Sol" bad passed something like two dozen of these bars on the way from Camden to BriJgeton, paying tbe legal ex action under protest, and in very profane language. Not having disposed of a sin | gle mule, and draw ing nigh the end of a I long journey, he was beginning to snft'er • from a drouth in bis pocket, and to his disniav, he saw the inevitable bar once more before bim. Looking around and finding that his mules were leisurly brows ing along the road some two or three hun dred yards behind, he hurried up his pace to the gale, paid a single toll for the horse he was"riding, and made a special request to the gate keeper to shut it after him, and siou those darned mules, which had been following him two or three miles. "Certainly," 6aid the accommodating gate-keeper, who bad it locked in less time than it takes to tell it. " Ule Sol" started off on a brisk canter, which his mules soon imitated; and as ; they came to the gate bar went over in one two three order to the astonishment of the keeper, who saw the joke in a few minutes, and acknowledged himself '* dead I beat." At Ilarlford, Vermont,there is a weal thy and miserly farmer who quarreled with ; his wife fifteen years ago, and though they ; live in the same house and eat at the same ! tabic they have not spoken to each other 1 since. Two daughters well along "in their | thirties," complete tLia "happy family." TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance. 10.17. pise anfc A small town is a place where there are maoy tongues to talk and bat few heads to think. — Was (here ever an individual unlucky enough to be abused by the mouth of any river. A Bible class was asked to name the pre* cious stones named in the Bible. After sev eral scholars had given answers, one little fellow called out—''Well Thomas, what pre cious stones have you found 7 '•Brimstone," was the reply. ■ A juror having applied to the judge to be excused from serving on account of deafness, the judge said, "Could you hear my charge to the jury,sir 7" "Yes, I heard your honor'a charge," said the juror, "but I couldn't make any sense out of it." He was excused. During a recent wedding in a church, in a village near Troy, when the clergyman asked if anybody knew any reason why the cere mony should not proceed, a woman rose in the audience, and forbade the bans on the ground that the groom had promised to mar ry her when her husband died. The clergy man decided that she had no right to look so far ahead, and went on with the service. SUM NATRAE HISTROY. BY JOSH B.LLINGB. FLEAS.— The smallest animal of the brute creation, and the most pesky, it the Fleas. They are about the bigness ov an onion seed, and shine like a bran new shot. They spring from low places,and can spring further and faster than enny of the bug brutes. They bite wuss than the muskeetoze, for they bite on a run ; ODe flea will go aul over a man's suburbs, in 2 minnits, and leave him as freckled as the meazles. It ia impossible to do anything well with lea on you except sware, and fleas ain't afraid of that; the only way ix to quit bias nets ov aul kinds and hunt for the flea, and when you have found him he ain't thare— This iz one of the flea mysteries, the fackulty they have ov being entirely loat jiat as you have found them. I don't suppose thare ia ever killed, on an average, during enny one year, more than 16 fleas in the whole ov the United States ov America, unless there is a causualty of some kind—once in a while thare is a dog gits drowned sudden, and then thare may be a few fleas lost. They are about az hard to kill az z flrxseed iz, and if you don't mash them up as fine as ground pepper they will start bizness again on a smaller kapital jat az pcstiverous as ever.- There iz lots ov people who have never seen a flea, and it takes a pretty Mart man tew see one ennyhow ; they don't stay long in a place. If you ever ketch a flea, kill him before yu do ennything else ; for if you do put it off 2 minnits, it may be too late, Menny a flea has passed awaT foreyer in less than 2 minnits. BED BIGS.— I never seen ennybody yet but what despized Bed Bug. They are the meanest of aul crawling, creeping, hopping or biteing things. They dazent tackle a man bi dalite, but sneak in after dark, and chaw him while he iz fast asleep. A musketo will lite you in broad dalite. at short range, and give you a fair chance to knock in his sides—the flea is a game bug,and will make a dash at you even in Broadway— but the bed bug is a garroter, who waits till you strip, and then pick ont a mellow place tew eat you. If I waz in the habit of swearing,l wouldn't hesitate to cuss a bed bug rite tew his face. Bed bugs are uncommon smart in a small way, one pair of them will stock a hair mat tress in 2 weeks with bugs enuff tew last a small family a whole year. It don't do enny good to pray when bed bugs are in season ; the only way to git rid of them is tew bile up the whole bed in aqua fortis, and then heave it away and buy a new one. Bed bugs when they have grone aul they intend to, are about the size of a bluejay's eye and have a brown complexion, and when they start out to garrote are az thin az a grease spot, but when they git thru garrot ing they are swelled up like a blister. It takes them 2 days tew git the swelling out ov them. If bed bugs have enny destiny to fill it must be their stummucks, but it seems tew roe that they must have been made by acci dent, just as slivvers are, tew stick into surn boddy. If they wuz got up for some wise purposo they must have took the wrong road,for there kant be enny wisdom in chawing a man auh nite long, and raising z family besides to rol ler the same trade. If thare is some wisdum In aul this, I hope the bed bags will chaw them folks who kan see it, and leave me be, bekause I am ono ov the hcriticks.