Wyoming democrat. (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, September 18, 1867, Image 1

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    HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher.
Ppmiitg gßnujccat,
> A ?/>
A Democratic weekly
paper, devoted to Poll -ti
,ice News, the Arts ft >A
and Sciences Ac. Tub
lULed every W'ednes- j J;i
day, at Tfnkhannock **! jj
Wyoming County,Pa ' }
Terms—l copy 1 year, (in advance) $2.00 ;if
Dot paid within six months, *2.50 will be charged
NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar
rearagesre paid; unless at the option of publisher.
One square one or three insertions #1,50
Every subsequent insertion less than 8 '-SO
ADVERTISING, as mav be agreed upon.
PATENT MEDICINES and other advertisements oy
the eoluinn :
One column, 1 year, #6O
Half column, 1 year--- 35
Third column. 1 year, 25
Fourth column, 1 year, 20
Business Cards of one square or less, per year,
with paper, 48.
PTE niTORiAL or LOCAL ITEM advertising—with
out Advertisement —15 ets. per line. Liberal terms
made with permanent advertisers.
TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, $2,50
OBITUARIES,- exceeding ten lines, each; RELI
GIOUS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general '
oterest, one half tne regular rates.
R~" I ~ A Ivertisements must be ban led in by TUES
DAY Noc.v, to insure insertion the same week.
of all kinds neatly executed, and at prices to suit
the fimcs.
WORM must he paid IT, wln-n ordered
fittsimfts Djotitff.
LAW Office on Tioga Street funkhannnck Pa
fioe in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk
oar.nock. Pa.
• Newton Centre. Luzerne County Pa.
• Offi-e at the Cwurt House, in Tunkhnnnock
Wyoming Co. PA.
• will attend promptly to all calls in his pro
fession. .May 1,0 I'Mol :it his Office at the Drug
Store, or t nis residence on Prituian steel, Jormerly
occupied by A. It. t'c^iliim
vs c • • • .
" r x 7' fiV vr -vv-;"
, -4 *•' jff
-vV u
OR. L. T. BURNS his permanently located in
Tunkhannook Borough, and respoctlully tenders
his professional services to its citizens.
Office on second floor, formcriy oecu,4cd by Dr.
'Jiy W. JtUGBJt, Artist.
V „ Rooms over the Wyoming National bank,in Stark's
Brick Block,
rectiv, _
the rad Life-size Portraits paintcJ from Ambrotypes or
liien fti Photographs—Photographs Painted in OilCclors --
, . All orders for paintings executed according to or-
der.or DO charge made.
Candida Instructions given in Drawing, Sketching,
Portrait and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water
Horse 8 fjolore. and in all branches of the art,
Am of 1 Tunk., July 31, 'g7 -vgnSO-tf.
' , -he Subscriber having had a sixteen years prae
e _trace(f|j experience in cutting and making clothing
r**> found, 1 offers his services in this line to the citizens of
The missimoLSON and vicinity.
tars old. raUose wishing to get Fits will find his shop the
ml roman tia £ et 'D.em.
'"u-M J " L ' E ' S ""
rnen takin.
)U Horse TI,C\ undersigned having lately purchased the
Sieve i BUEllfc-ER HOUSE " property, has already com
ir- menced alterations and improvements as will
render tb® old and popular House equal, if not supe
rior, to atLy Hotel in the City of Harrisburg.
A'contiAuarice of the public patronage is refpect
fully solicited.
TIII> establishment has I econtly been refitted an j
torn:theS in the latest sty "e Kvery attention
will be given IA the comfort and convenience ol those
who patronize the House. ,
q. B. WALL, Owner and proprietor ;
Tunkhannoctt, September 11, 1661.
p. 11. BARTLET,
and BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt
is fitted up in the most modem and improved style,
and no pains are spared to make it a pleasant and
agreeable stopping-place for all,
v 3, n2l, ly. '
Wrn. 11. CORTKIGHT, Prop'r
HAVING resumed the proprietorship of the above
Hotel, the undersigned will spare no efforts
fcude. the hoiciO au agiecable place of sojour% to
>ll wh'j may favor it.with their ou.tom.
June, 3rd, 1663
HIELL & Miimin ua
nr . I ' j ; j-i i {
For Sale
Tunkhannock, Pa.
„ , -I-I-S . I-.
The following is a specimen of echo poetry which
possesses merit as a literary composition, and on
account of the spirit of piety which breathes through
Our Father,
For we of hope and help are quite bereaven
Except thou succor us
Who art in Heaven.
Thou showest mercy, therefore for the same
We praise thee, singing
Hallowed be thy name
Of all our miseries cast up the sum ;
Show us thy joys, and let
Thy kingdom como.
We mortal are, an ailer from our birth ;
Thou constant art.
Thy will be done on earth.
. Thou madst the earth as wcl 1 as planets soven,
Tby name be blessed here
As 'tis in heaven.
Nothing we have to use our debts to pay,
Except thou give it us. f
Give is this day'
Wherewith to clothe us, wherewith to be fed,
For without thee we want
Our daily bread.
We want, but we want no faults, for no day passes
But we do sin-
Forgive jp our trespasses.
If we repent our faults, thou ne'er disdain'st us,
We pardon them
That trespass against us.
Forgive us that i 9 past, a new path tread us;
Direct us always iu Thy Faith,
And lead us —
Us, thine onu people and Tby chosen nation,
Into all truth, but
Not into temptation.
Thou that of all good graces are the giver,
Suffer us not to wander,
But deliver
Us from the fierce assjlts ot the world and the devil
And flesh, so shalt Thou free us
From all evil.
To these petitions let both church' and laymen,
With one consent of heart and voice, say
- -4*- ■
She tiel the new cravat
Which she so kindly in ado me ;
Then smoothed with care my hat,
And with her arms delayed me ;
She brushed uiy "glossy hair,"
And said "it was so curly!"
While going down the stair
She cried, ' Come home, dear, early I"
llow happy then was I
With all I e'er desired;
I fortune could defy
While thus I was admired ;
We parted at the door—
Iler smile deserred a sonnet!
"Dear love- but one thing(more,
I want—a new spring bonntt!"
The English papers tells ola sentimen
tal individual named Stanhope, who, hav
ing become possessed with the notion tliat
bis wife was not so fond of him as she
should be, resolved to put her love to the
test. This be did by banging Limself in
effigy in the attic, and concealing lumsclt
wbere he could watch the effect of the
spectacle. Here is the sequel:
After awhile, his daughter came up aft
er a skipping rope, and caught a glimpse
of the suspended figure. She ran down
the stairs, screaming "Oh mother, mother!
pappy hung himself." "Now for it,"
thought Felix, in ambuscade, "we sball
have a touching scene presently." "Hung
himself," he beard Mrs. Stanhope repeat,
as she walked leisurely upstairs, "he hasn't
got pluck enough for such a thing, or he
would have done it long ago. Well, I
believe he has done it, however," she said,
as 6be came in view of Felix's representa
tive. "Moll (to the little girl,) I think he
ought to be cut down. You had better
go into the kitchen and get a knife, my
dear; but don't go down too fast or you
might fall and hurt yourself. Stay, I for
got. There's no knife in the kitchen sbyp
enough. You can go round to Mr, Holmes,
the shoemaker —he's ouly four streets off—
tell him to whet it before he sends it. And
Molly, when you are in the neighborhood,
you can stop at Aunt Sukey's and ask
how the baby is. And, Molly, you can
stop at the grocer's shop as you come back
and get a pound of sugar."
"Poor Felix !"sighed Mrs. Stanhope
when her daughter had departed, "I hope
we shall get him down before the vital
spark's extinct, for these bnryings are very
troublesome, and cost money. He want
ed to put an tnd to himself, too* and I
think I ought to let him have his own way i
for once in his life; he used to say that 1 1
was always crossing hiin. I wish he hadn't i
spoiled that new clothes line : an old rope I
might have answered his purpose'" Here !
a voice, which sounded like that of the
supposed suicide, bioke in upon Mrs, Stan
hojie's soliloquy with You confounded Jez
abel, I'll be the death of you !" Mrs Stan
hope, thinking this must of course be a
ghostly pxclamation, uttered a wild scream
and attempted to escape down the narrow
staircase. Felix, starting from his place .
of concealment, gave chase. Mrs. Stan- j
hope stnmbled midway on the flight of ;
stairs, and Mr. Stanhope having jnst reach i
ed her, and made a grasp at her disheveled
hair as it streamed backward, the amiable
partners were precipitated to the bo'torn
together; both were badly bruised.
fgT A Jersey man was recently arrested
tor flogging a woman, and excused the
act by saying he was near-sighted and
thought it was his wife.
" To Speak has Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
Tbero is uothiug like an obliging dispe-r
sition, 1 thought to myself one day, while
traveling in a railway car from Boston to
Worce-ter, seeing a gentleman put him
self to eousiderablejtrouble to land another
gentleman, who had fallen asleep, at bis
destination* i.
"Passengers for West Needham!" cried
The conductor; 'the cars stop but one min
ute.' - J
"Hallo !" exclaimed a young man in
spectacles, at the same time seizing an old
gentleman, by the shoulders, who was
sleeping very soundly,'here's (apt Holmes
fast asleep, and this is West Needham.*
wheVe he lives, Come, get up, Captain
Holmes; here you ore.'
The gentleman rose upon his feet and
began to rub bis eyes, bnt the young man
forced him along to the door ot the car,
and gently landed him on the roadside.—
Whiz went the steam, and we begau to fly j
again. The obliging young man took bis ;
seat again, and said with a good deal of
satisfaction to somebody near him : "\\ ell,
if it had not been for me, Capt. Holmes |
would have missed his home finely But j
here, he has missed his bundles, and the
young man picked up a couple of parcels
and threw them out. "Well," he said
airain, *'if it hadn't been for mo, Capt.
Holmes would missed bis bundles nicely.',
When we stopped at the next station, a
lady began to rummage under the seat !
where Capt. Holmes had been sitting, and
exciaimed in great alarm :
"I can't find my bundle."
' Was it done up in a piece of brown pa
per ?" I asked*
"Yes it was, to be sure," replied the lady
"Then" said I, '"that yjouug man threw
it'sit at the 1 st stopping place."
This lead to a scene between the oblig
ing young man and the old lady, which
ended by the former taking the address of
the latter, and promising to return the
package in a few days, providing he should
ever find it.
"Well," said the obligiug young man
"catch me doing a good natured thing,
again. What can Ido for that poor wo
man if I cannot fiud that bundle ('
Whiz wont the steam, ding, ding, ding
went the bell, the dusttlew, the sparks flew
and the cars flew, as they say, like light
ning, till we stopped again at the uext sta
tion. An old gentleman started up and
began to poke under the seat where Cap
tain Holmes had sat.
"What are-you looking for?" 1 inquire 1:
"Looking for?" said.the old gentleman,
".why I am looking for my bundle of
clothes." ,
"Was it tied up iu a yellow handker
chief?" I a-ked.
"Yes and nothing else," said the old
"Good heavens! exclaimed the obliging
young man, "I threw it out of the car at
N: e liiam; 1 thought it belonged to Capt.
"Good heavens!" exclaimed the old
man, with a look of despair, "who is Capt.
Ilohnea ?" That bundle contained all my
clean clothes, that I was to wear at my
son's wedding to-uiorrow evening. Dear
me, what can I do V'
Nothing could be done bat to give his
address, to the obliging young man as be*
fore., and console himself with the prom
ise that the buudle should be returned to
him provided it was ever found. The
obliging young man was now in despair,
and made another solemn vow that he
would never attempt to be obliging again.
The uext station was his landing place,
and as be went toward the door of the
car, he saw a silver-headed cane, which he
took hold of and read the inscription on
it, "Capt. Moses Ilolmes, East Needham."
"Well," again exclaimed the obliging
young man, "if here isn't Capt. Holmes'
canc !"
"Yes," said a gentleman who got in at
the last station, "and the old man is lame,
too. He will miss his stick."
"Do you know him?" inquired the
obliging_young man.
"Know him ? I should think so," replied
the young gentleman ; "he is my uncle."
"And does he live at East Needham?
asked the obliging young man.
"Of course he does. He never lived
anywhere else,"
"Well if that don't beat everything,"
said the obliging young man, "and I put
him out at West Needham, a mile and a
half the other side of his home."
Hancock in the Zeoiogical Journal, gives
a description of a fish called the fiat head
lmssar, that travels to other pools of water
when that in wbichjk has resided dries up.
Bose also describes another variety which
is found in South Carolina, and if our mem
ory serves us well, also in Texas, which,
like the fiathead, leaves the dying pools in
search of others These fishes, filled 'with
water, travel by night, one witb a lizard
like motion, anil the other by leaps. The
ffouth Carolina and Texas varieties are fur
nished with a membrane over the mouth
in.wbicn they are enabled to carry with
them a supply of water to keep their gills
moist during their travel. These fishes, j
guilded by some peculiar sense, always
travel in a straight line to the nearest wa
ter. This they do without the aid of mem
ory, for it has been found that ii a tub fill
ed with water is sunk in the ground near
one of the pools which they inhabit, they
will when the pool dries up, move directly
towards the tub. Surely this is a wonder
ful and merciful provision for the preserva
tion of those kinds of fishes ; for, inhabit- '
ing, as thev do, only stagnant pools, and
tli.it, to-1, in countries subject to long and |
periodical droughts, thejr races would, but
for this provision, becouic exiuict. 1
T L 1-1 I
, Jl tpay be lata aojvn as a general rnle
I arnusemfeltts which Separate the 'sexes are
I dnngrfnMb. would not prUBS the truth
I too narrowly and literally ; bat aadonbt-
I edly It.isa general truth that wbere wo
men seek their amusements in one way
by themselves, there is in both ways a
j tendhncv to degeneration and temptation.
God meant that man ami woman should
I live together, work together, and, in all
the functions of life—civil, social, religious
artistic, and intellectual—co-operate with
PHCII other j and their mutual relation# are
harmonizing and balancing, and nowhere
else more thiaa in the seeking and prase
cutioo of amusemeuts. I believe that
boys and girls should go to school to
gether. As they sit together in the house
hold, so I think they should Sit together
in our temples of learning. Colleges
should not be for all men or for all wo
men, but the same buildings and the same
professors should be ptovided for both in :
common. And as it is iti everything else,
so it should be in amusements. There is
much greater liability to temptation and
immorality wbere amusement is sought iu
the is6olatiou or separation of the sexes.
Therefore, all exhibitions of pictures
and stutus, all provisions fo public recre
ation all institutions for public amuse
ments, should be such as to enable the
people to go in groups and families.
I do uot think amusements can be good
generally in a community in wbich a man
is ashamed to take his whole family to
them. It'there is anything you would not
like your wife and children to participate
in with you, the presumption is that it is
wrong ; and if there is anything you wo'd
like them to participate in with you, the
presumption is that it is right. And this
might be made a rule of judgment far
more widely than it now is. — 11. W
Chapter I—She threw herself upon his
breast and wept.
Chapter ll.—as she ceased weeping he
groaned audibly. There they sat en
twined in each other's arms for about two
hours, and nary one of Ym spoke.
Chapler lll. —a voice fractured the sol
emn stillness of the air. 'Twas Eugene's,
■'llow sweet, mp own love, Harriet, if I
had but a mince pio to eat." ,
Then she lifted her tear-dimnied eyes
to the starry heavens, clasped her hands
wildly, and exclaimed, "Come with me to 1
the kitchen, love, and thou shalt eat thy !
till, for there were three of them left at j
They clasped each other by the hand
and rushed to the pantry.
Chapter IV.—Two mince pies had dis
appeared, arid the third was about to share
the same fate, when a stealthy step was
"Fly, my angel!—my beau! T!s the
old woman, I know." And she fell faint
ing at bis feet.
Chapter Y.—The old woman stood face
to face with Eqgene, ami she a~ked him
what he had doin' with the gal, and he
said he hadn't dun nothing. She seized
upon the : remaining pie, and With the Te
roeity of a tigress, she chocked it at hiui.
.Chapter VI.-—Her aim had beu tiw
true. She hit him in the pit of the stoip
ach, and he fell at her feet a corpse.—
Thiey buried them both in one grave; and
every Spriflg the village maidens planted
onions over the place where the lovers are
at last uuited.
Remember that every person, however
low, has rights and feelings. In all eon- 1 -
tentions let peace be rather Vour object
than that of triumph ; value triumph ouly
as the means of peace.
When you meet with neglect, let it
arouse yon to exertiofi; instead of mortify
ing yonr qride, set about lessening those
defects which expose you to neglect, and
improve those excellencies which command
attention and respect.
If you desire the common people to trett
yon as a gentleman, you should conduct
yourself as a gentleman should to thctn.
Du not attempt tot frjghtcn children and
inferiors bj passion. It docs more harm
to your own character than it docs good to
them. The same thing is better done by
firmness and persuasion.
Find fanh, you must find fault, in
private, if possible, and some time after
the offbnee rather than at the time. The
blamed are less inclined to resist when
they are blamed without witnesses.
Keep up the habit of being respected,
and do not attempt to be more amusing
and agreeable than is consistent with the
preservation of respect.
Don't be too severe upon yourself and
vour own failings ; keep on, don't faint, be
energetic to the last.
Too GOOD TO BE LOST.— A young man
at a social party was urged to sing a song.
He replied that he would first tell a story,
and then if they persisted in their de
mands he would try and execute a song.—
When a boy, be said, lie took lessons on
singing, and one Sunday mornipg he went
into his father's garret to practice by him
self. When in full, play he was sent for
by the old gcotleinan."This is pretty em
ployment for a son of pious parents to saw
boards on the Sabbath morning loud enough
to be heard by the neighbors'. Sit down
and take your book." The yftung man
was excused from singing the proposed song.
What word is tha: of five letters from
which, if von take iwo of them only one
fa left! St one.
;■> 1 You'SCc the bar*always'drd kee rayth
er scarce 'feiout my scalp, and I was always
rubbing ib one tMhgtfcnd another to fotch
it out, for I wae #irtin the roots wasn't
dead, though thar was little to be seen
abov# the ground. I'd heard of bar's
greese, and bought a gallon iu bottles, but
I believe jt was nothing hut hog's lard and
mutton taller; so I thonght I would have
the genuine article, and I got old Dan to
go out and kill something for my especial
benefit. Dan told me that it was in the
Spring and that the bar was in bad health
and out of season; but I believed he was
trying to quiz me, and wouldn't take no (
for an answer. A short hunt fotched a
critter at bay, and Dan, by a shot fn the
vitals, "saveitthe vsimint;" but the bar
was in a bad condition, for he looked as
seedy as an old Canada thistle, and he bad
hardly ile enough in him to keep bis jints
from squeak tag. but what he did have I
got and and strangers." said Jim,
'looking sorrowfully round on the compa
ny, in two days what little har I had com
menced falling off, and in a week I was as ;
bald as a gun-barrel. Dan was right;
the varmint was shedding himself and had
notliin in him but lair shedding ile, and
the consequence is, I can't in the dark tell
my head irom a goard, if I depend on
The following is a caricature which we
have not seen in Hat per;
Scene First—Stanton in the War Office,
has just received notice from the Presi
dent of leave to go. The Secretary, with
eyes aglare, nostrils destended, fists clench
ed and advanced in pugilistic attitude, his
whole persou indicative of fight, exclaims:
"I will not go, by thunder ; I'll fight first!"
Scene Second—Stanton making toward
the door ot the War Office, his hair dishev
eled, eyes protruding, his arms extending
as if to break a fall, his person indicating
that he is in the act of tumbling down,
while endeavoring to find from the
office, while Andy, standing in the door of
the White-house, reaches out a long leg,
well-booted, ilie foot of which sets stiong
against the Secretary's posterior person,
with an inscription upon the soul of the
boot of the word "Grant," the woe-begone
Secretary exclaiming as he retreats ;
"I yield to superior force."
THE MENAGERIE* —'Mr. Showman, what
is that V "That, my dear, is the rhvnoce
ry. Ile is cousin German or Dutch rela
tion to the unicorn. Ho was born in the
desert of Sury Ann, and fed on bamboo
and in ssionaries. He is very courageous,
and never leaves home unless he moves iu
which case lie goes somewhere else, unless
he is overtaken by the dare. He was
brought to this country much against his
will, which accounts for his low spirits
when he's melancholy or rejected. He is
now Somewhat aged, but he has seen the
day when he was the youngest specimen of
animated nature in the world* Pass on,
my little dear, and allow the ladies to sur
vey the wonders of creation as displaye.d
iu the ring-tailed monkey, a hanimal that
can stand hanging like a fellow-critter, on
ly it's rever.-ed"
FcaDkiois but four years old, but
is a philosopher—all children are. The
little fellow was much pestered by mos
quitoes the other night. He could get no
■rest <yt sleep. KnaHy. after numeroas
vain attempts todrivc them away, he broke
out into.thu following soliloquy :
"Oh dear me ! I wonder what the Lord
made them for!" Then folding his bauds
upfin his bfeast he said, "O lofd, the
puitoes ate biting me real bad. Please
don't make any more mosquitoes!" and
be'dropped asleep. What a lesson of faith
to us! Verily out of the mouths of
babes shall -we learn wis lorn.
An' exchange well 'says "out of every
dollar the laboring man earns, about sixtv
cents is taken indirectly to 'keep the indo
lent negroes, to maintain military despo
tisms over eleven States, and enrich Aboli
tion officials. This is why our poor men
are kept poor, and our laboring men com
piain>of hard times. It is the high prices
and high U*es that takes their motiey,
and it is (lie negro Bureau, military despo
tisms, and abolition officials, that makes
the taxeij bi&h. To get rid of these, liad
icalism thfist be voted out of power.'
, rt
The India Famine.
The terrible famine in India has now
lasted •'year, and the end is not yet. One
million five hundred thousand persons
have died fioni starvation and diseases inci
dent to a want of food, and twenty millions
of men; Women ar.d children have been in
a greatet* or less degree affected by the vis
itation. In the Province of Orissa one
fourth of the inhabitants have beeo swept
away. Starving wretches have turned
cannibals and eaten their own children. A
missionary records a case of a mother and
son who wero tofind devonring a dead
child. A Hindoo is mentioned who, hav
ing found the body of an infant in the river,
cooked and ate it. Over two millions of
Mollars were expended last year for the re
lief of the sufferers, and a much larger sum
will be required to meet the demands of
the present year.
A widow in Paris, aged forty-five, mar
ried a young man aged eighteen. By her
first husband she had a son whose age at
tfiu time of her second marriage was twen
tv-one* She recently died and by her will
left her fortune to her son and husbaud.-
As her husband was uot of sge her son
w.a appointed his gundiaa.
TERMB, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance.^
[ fltprlniSE.
The noon en the mhfct anftieaiiy of ail
celestial e u continually shift
ing her quarters-
Althoogh men are accused of not knowing
their Weakness, yet perhaps, aa few know
their own strength.
Mrs. Harhs says her; jT'darter Jan# was
married a Utile over a year when she had two
boya, both aona." > ;.<
"Don't get above your business," as the
lady said to a shoemaker who was measuring
her foot.
f t "
Only one fourth of the population of Ire
land now understand the original Irish lan*
In a country paper, the marriage of a Mr.
Cpoper to Miss Slaves is announced, The re
sult will probably be barrels.
Last winter, it is said, a cow doited down
the Mississippi on a piece of ice, and caught
such a cold that she has yielded nothing but
ice creams ever since.
FIRST \ lU.lAN.—( Aside, to corpse of gen
tleman whom he had just murdered) ''Draw
vour legs up, you stupid ! Don't you see that
cumin Will come down on them !"
"There is no piace like home," says the
poet. Right ! unless it's the homo of the
young woman you're after. Tli's is, of courae,
an exception- Future poets will please to
note it.
Jack ! ' said a man to a lad just entering
his teens, "your father's drotthed." "Darn
it," replied the young hopeful, "and he's got
my knife in his pocket."
The use of whalebone for hoops has doub
led the price of that article. It has certainly
doubled ihe size of the females who use
No money is better spent than wtiat is laid
cut for domestic satisfaction. A man is well
pleased that Ins wife is dressed as well as
Other people, and the wife is pleased because
she is so tires sett.
An elderly spinster wrote to a friend
"A widower with fen children has propose",
and I accepted. This is the number I should
hare been entitled to if 1 had married at the
proper titne."
"Neighbor /ones," said a rigid church
member, "I have been informed that you of
teo drive your team, or even go a fishing
or a hunting on the Sabbath." "True." re
plied Jones, "but then on those occasions I
always whistle psalm tones."
Co be an old lady down on
rery fat that the neighbors use ber shadow
for griddle greaWng. To keep her from' slip
ping out of bed, her husband rolls her in the
ashes. Long Island is a great place. '
} n f'i ' A.
DOMESTIC DKAMA.— Scene 1 Mother in
the cellar splitting wood.
Sixme 2.—Daughter in tho parlor singing
to Clarence Fitz Noodle the pathetic ballad
of "Who shall care for mother now ?"
The celebrated Dr. Lathrnp was a man of
genuine ptety, but much opposed to the noisy
that seekelh to be "known of mete" A
young divine who was much giren to enthu
siastic Cant, one day said to htm, "Do you
suppose you have any religion ?" "Noae to
rpeuk of," was the excellent reply.
"SCM" EPITAPH.— On a tombstone neat-
San Diego, California, the inscription read
"This yen is safcrid io the memory of Wib
liatn Henry SKarakon, who catui to his detb
by bein sJii t by a Colt's revolver—one of the
old kind, bras mouritid and of sutch is the
kingduui of beavin."
At a bar supper in M'lwaukie, Wisconsin
the following was auiong ihe regular toasts .*
"The Court of Cupid : a tribunal before
which lawyer's pleas always please ; where
every suit is commenced by an attachmeut ;
where th* execution takes the body,and sup
piemen' ary proceedings never fad to satisfy
the judgment."
Mr. Colt having bean successful in unw
tion where General Burnes was on the other
side, asked the C urt for costs. Gen. B ,who
was irritated by liemg beaten, opposed lh'
vehemently, and said, in conclusion,he 'hoped
the counsel would not prove himself tube
one of those lawyers whose morning prayer
is : "Give us this day our daily bread—with
costs !'"
The mostest of fun for the leastest of mon
ey—have a pretty girl kiss you on both
cheeks and then say she u thought it waa COBS*
in Tom '!'
'•Marrying for life," is a phraie wbiab is
coining into use IU iac West.