HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher. VOL. VII. Ppmiitg gßnujccat, > A ?/> A Democratic weekly paper, devoted to Poll -ti ,ice News, the Arts ft >A and Sciences Ac. Tub lULed every W'ednes- j J;i day, at Tfnkhannock **! jj Wyoming County,Pa ' } BY HARVEY SICKLER. Terms—l copy 1 year, (in advance) $2.00 ;if Dot paid within six months, *2.50 will be charged NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar rearagesre paid; unless at the option of publisher. RATES OF ADVERTISING. TEH USES COSSTITCTK A SQUARE. One square one or three insertions #1,50 Every subsequent insertion less than 8 '-SO KKALESTATE, PERSONAL PROUERTV, and GENERAL ADVERTISING, as mav be agreed upon. PATENT MEDICINES and other advertisements oy the eoluinn : One column, 1 year, #6O Half column, 1 year--- 35 Third column. 1 year, 25 Fourth column, 1 year, 20 Business Cards of one square or less, per year, with paper, 48. PTE niTORiAL or LOCAL ITEM advertising—with out Advertisement —15 ets. per line. Liberal terms made with permanent advertisers. EXECUTORS, ADMINISTRATORS and AUDI TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, $2,50 OBITUARIES,- exceeding ten lines, each; RELI GIOUS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general ' oterest, one half tne regular rates. R~" I ~ A Ivertisements must be ban led in by TUES DAY Noc.v, to insure insertion the same week. JOB WORK of all kinds neatly executed, and at prices to suit the fimcs. All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB WORM must he paid IT, wln-n ordered fittsimfts Djotitff. KK.A\V El, urn.ll, ATTORNEYS AT LAW Office on Tioga Street funkhannnck Pa Will, M. PIATT. ATTORNEY AT LAW Of fioe in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk oar.nock. Pa. HS. I'OOPEK, PHYSICIAN A SUISIOL • Newton Centre. Luzerne County Pa. 0 17, PARRIsII, ATTORNEY AT LAW • Offi-e at the Cwurt House, in Tunkhnnnock Wyoming Co. PA. JW, MOADd, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON • will attend promptly to all calls in his pro fession. .May 1,0 I'Mol :it his Office at the Drug Store, or t nis residence on Prituian steel, Jormerly occupied by A. It. t'c^iliim DENTISTRY.' vs c • • • . " r x 7' fiV vr -vv-;" , -4 *•' jff -vV u OR. L. T. BURNS his permanently located in Tunkhannook Borough, and respoctlully tenders his professional services to its citizens. Office on second floor, formcriy oecu,4cd by Dr. Uiiman. v6n3Ctf. POBTRAIT, LANSSCAPET AND PdVTNTIKTG, 'Jiy W. JtUGBJt, Artist. Mi; V „ Rooms over the Wyoming National bank,in Stark's Brick Block, rectiv, _ INTRO TUNKHANXOCK. PA. the rad Life-size Portraits paintcJ from Ambrotypes or liien fti Photographs—Photographs Painted in OilCclors -- , . All orders for paintings executed according to or- der.or DO charge made. Candida Instructions given in Drawing, Sketching, Portrait and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water Horse 8 fjolore. and in all branches of the art, Am of 1 Tunk., July 31, 'g7 -vgnSO-tf. 7tYL OT • TAILOBIHS SHOP ' , -he Subscriber having had a sixteen years prae e _trace(f|j experience in cutting and making clothing r**> found, 1 offers his services in this line to the citizens of The missimoLSON and vicinity. tars old. raUose wishing to get Fits will find his shop the ml roman tia £ et 'D.em. '"u-M J " L ' E ' S "" rnen takin. .n™iOLTON HOUSE. thcr. IBAKHISmiRG, PENNA. )U Horse TI,C\ undersigned having lately purchased the Sieve i BUEllfc-ER HOUSE " property, has already com ir- menced alterations and improvements as will render tb® old and popular House equal, if not supe rior, to atLy Hotel in the City of Harrisburg. A'contiAuarice of the public patronage is refpect fully solicited. 1 GEO. J. BOLTON vvALL'S HOTEL, latMA HOUSE/ TUNKBaXSOI.*. * GMING GO., PA. TIII> establishment has I econtly been refitted an j torn:theS in the latest sty "e Kvery attention will be given IA the comfort and convenience ol those who patronize the House. , q. B. WALL, Owner and proprietor ; Tunkhannoctt, September 11, 1661. MEANS' HOTEL. TOT/tTAIVDA., r-A.- p. 11. BARTLET, '.Late ot t. BBRAIXARD HOUSE, ELMIRA, N- Y. PROPRIETOR. The MEANS HOTEL, Done of the LARGEST and BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt is fitted up in the most modem and improved style, and no pains are spared to make it a pleasant and agreeable stopping-place for all, v 3, n2l, ly. ' NORTH BRANCH HOTEL, MESIIOPPEN. WYOMING COUNTY, PA Wrn. 11. CORTKIGHT, Prop'r HAVING resumed the proprietorship of the above Hotel, the undersigned will spare no efforts fcude. the hoiciO au agiecable place of sojour% to >ll wh'j may favor it.with their ou.tom. Wm. 11. CORTKIGHT. June, 3rd, 1663 HIELL & Miimin ua A LARGE nr . I ' j ; j-i i { STOCK: OF spkie GOODS. JUST RECEIVED AND For Sale CHE •IP, c ALL KINDS OF Produce . TAKEN IN EXCHANGE FOR GOODS AT BUNNELL A BANNATYNE'S j Tunkhannock, Pa. Sail. TUNKHANIOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. -WEDNESDAY, SEPT.,IB, 1807.. gjrirg, „ , -I-I-S . I-. ECHO POETRY. The following is a specimen of echo poetry which possesses merit as a literary composition, and on account of the spirit of piety which breathes through it Our Father, For we of hope and help are quite bereaven Except thou succor us Who art in Heaven. Thou showest mercy, therefore for the same We praise thee, singing Hallowed be thy name Of all our miseries cast up the sum ; Show us thy joys, and let Thy kingdom como. We mortal are, an ailer from our birth ; Thou constant art. Thy will be done on earth. . Thou madst the earth as wcl 1 as planets soven, Tby name be blessed here As 'tis in heaven. Nothing we have to use our debts to pay, Except thou give it us. f Give is this day' Wherewith to clothe us, wherewith to be fed, For without thee we want Our daily bread. We want, but we want no faults, for no day passes But we do sin- Forgive jp our trespasses. If we repent our faults, thou ne'er disdain'st us, We pardon them That trespass against us. Forgive us that i 9 past, a new path tread us; Direct us always iu Thy Faith, And lead us — Us, thine onu people and Tby chosen nation, Into all truth, but Not into temptation. Thou that of all good graces are the giver, Suffer us not to wander, But deliver Us from the fierce assjlts ot the world and the devil And flesh, so shalt Thou free us From all evil. To these petitions let both church' and laymen, With one consent of heart and voice, say Amen." - -4*- ■ IRRESISTIBLE. She tiel the new cravat Which she so kindly in ado me ; Then smoothed with care my hat, And with her arms delayed me ; She brushed uiy "glossy hair," And said "it was so curly!" While going down the stair She cried, ' Come home, dear, early I" llow happy then was I With all I e'er desired; I fortune could defy While thus I was admired ; We parted at the door— Iler smile deserred a sonnet! "Dear love- but one thing(more, I want—a new spring bonntt!" A NTSW LOVE TEST. The English papers tells ola sentimen tal individual named Stanhope, who, hav ing become possessed with the notion tliat bis wife was not so fond of him as she should be, resolved to put her love to the test. This be did by banging Limself in effigy in the attic, and concealing lumsclt wbere he could watch the effect of the spectacle. Here is the sequel: After awhile, his daughter came up aft er a skipping rope, and caught a glimpse of the suspended figure. She ran down the stairs, screaming "Oh mother, mother! pappy hung himself." "Now for it," thought Felix, in ambuscade, "we sball have a touching scene presently." "Hung himself," he beard Mrs. Stanhope repeat, as she walked leisurely upstairs, "he hasn't got pluck enough for such a thing, or he would have done it long ago. Well, I believe he has done it, however," she said, as 6be came in view of Felix's representa tive. "Moll (to the little girl,) I think he ought to be cut down. You had better go into the kitchen and get a knife, my dear; but don't go down too fast or you might fall and hurt yourself. Stay, I for got. There's no knife in the kitchen sbyp enough. You can go round to Mr, Holmes, the shoemaker —he's ouly four streets off— tell him to whet it before he sends it. And Molly, when you are in the neighborhood, you can stop at Aunt Sukey's and ask how the baby is. And, Molly, you can stop at the grocer's shop as you come back and get a pound of sugar." "Poor Felix !"sighed Mrs. Stanhope when her daughter had departed, "I hope we shall get him down before the vital spark's extinct, for these bnryings are very troublesome, and cost money. He want ed to put an tnd to himself, too* and I think I ought to let him have his own way i for once in his life; he used to say that 1 1 was always crossing hiin. I wish he hadn't i spoiled that new clothes line : an old rope I might have answered his purpose'" Here ! a voice, which sounded like that of the supposed suicide, bioke in upon Mrs, Stan hojie's soliloquy with You confounded Jez abel, I'll be the death of you !" Mrs Stan hope, thinking this must of course be a ghostly pxclamation, uttered a wild scream and attempted to escape down the narrow staircase. Felix, starting from his place . of concealment, gave chase. Mrs. Stan- j hope stnmbled midway on the flight of ; stairs, and Mr. Stanhope having jnst reach i ed her, and made a grasp at her disheveled hair as it streamed backward, the amiable partners were precipitated to the bo'torn together; both were badly bruised. fgT A Jersey man was recently arrested tor flogging a woman, and excused the act by saying he was near-sighted and thought it was his wife. " To Speak has Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. " AN OBLIGL6IS DISPOSITION- Tbero is uothiug like an obliging dispe-r sition, 1 thought to myself one day, while traveling in a railway car from Boston to Worce-ter, seeing a gentleman put him self to eousiderablejtrouble to land another gentleman, who had fallen asleep, at bis destination* i. "Passengers for West Needham!" cried The conductor; 'the cars stop but one min ute.' - J "Hallo !" exclaimed a young man in spectacles, at the same time seizing an old gentleman, by the shoulders, who was sleeping very soundly,'here's (apt Holmes fast asleep, and this is West Needham.* wheVe he lives, Come, get up, Captain Holmes; here you ore.' The gentleman rose upon his feet and began to rub bis eyes, bnt the young man forced him along to the door ot the car, and gently landed him on the roadside.— Whiz went the steam, and we begau to fly j again. The obliging young man took bis ; seat again, and said with a good deal of satisfaction to somebody near him : "\\ ell, if it had not been for me, Capt. Holmes | would have missed his home finely But j here, he has missed his bundles, and the young man picked up a couple of parcels and threw them out. "Well," he said airain, *'if it hadn't been for mo, Capt. Holmes would missed bis bundles nicely.', When we stopped at the next station, a lady began to rummage under the seat ! where Capt. Holmes had been sitting, and exciaimed in great alarm : "I can't find my bundle." ' Was it done up in a piece of brown pa per ?" I asked* "Yes it was, to be sure," replied the lady "Then" said I, '"that yjouug man threw it'sit at the 1 st stopping place." This lead to a scene between the oblig ing young man and the old lady, which ended by the former taking the address of the latter, and promising to return the package in a few days, providing he should ever find it. "Well," said the obligiug young man "catch me doing a good natured thing, again. What can Ido for that poor wo man if I cannot fiud that bundle (' Whiz wont the steam, ding, ding, ding went the bell, the dusttlew, the sparks flew and the cars flew, as they say, like light ning, till we stopped again at the uext sta tion. An old gentleman started up and began to poke under the seat where Cap tain Holmes had sat. "What are-you looking for?" 1 inquire 1: "Looking for?" said.the old gentleman, ".why I am looking for my bundle of clothes." , "Was it tied up iu a yellow handker chief?" I a-ked. "Yes and nothing else," said the old man. "Good heavens! exclaimed the obliging young man, "I threw it out of the car at N: e liiam; 1 thought it belonged to Capt. Holmes." "Good heavens!" exclaimed the old man, with a look of despair, "who is Capt. Ilohnea ?" That bundle contained all my clean clothes, that I was to wear at my son's wedding to-uiorrow evening. Dear me, what can I do V' Nothing could be done bat to give his address, to the obliging young man as be* fore., and console himself with the prom ise that the buudle should be returned to him provided it was ever found. The obliging young man was now in despair, and made another solemn vow that he would never attempt to be obliging again. The uext station was his landing place, and as be went toward the door of the car, he saw a silver-headed cane, which he took hold of and read the inscription on it, "Capt. Moses Ilolmes, East Needham." "Well," again exclaimed the obliging young man, "if here isn't Capt. Holmes' canc !" "Yes," said a gentleman who got in at the last station, "and the old man is lame, too. He will miss his stick." "Do you know him?" inquired the obliging_young man. "Know him ? I should think so," replied the young gentleman ; "he is my uncle." "And does he live at East Needham? asked the obliging young man. "Of course he does. He never lived anywhere else," "Well if that don't beat everything," said the obliging young man, "and I put him out at West Needham, a mile and a half the other side of his home." FISHES T RAVELING ON LAND. — I)r Hancock in the Zeoiogical Journal, gives a description of a fish called the fiat head lmssar, that travels to other pools of water when that in wbichjk has resided dries up. Bose also describes another variety which is found in South Carolina, and if our mem ory serves us well, also in Texas, which, like the fiathead, leaves the dying pools in search of others These fishes, filled 'with water, travel by night, one witb a lizard like motion, anil the other by leaps. The ffouth Carolina and Texas varieties are fur nished with a membrane over the mouth in.wbicn they are enabled to carry with them a supply of water to keep their gills moist during their travel. These fishes, j guilded by some peculiar sense, always travel in a straight line to the nearest wa ter. This they do without the aid of mem ory, for it has been found that ii a tub fill ed with water is sunk in the ground near one of the pools which they inhabit, they will when the pool dries up, move directly towards the tub. Surely this is a wonder ful and merciful provision for the preserva tion of those kinds of fishes ; for, inhabit- ' ing, as thev do, only stagnant pools, and tli.it, to-1, in countries subject to long and | periodical droughts, thejr races would, but for this provision, becouic exiuict. 1 1 ! RELATION OP THE HEXES. < i T L 1-1 I , Jl tpay be lata aojvn as a general rnle I arnusemfeltts which Separate the 'sexes are I dnngrfnMb. would not prUBS the truth I too narrowly and literally ; bat aadonbt- I edly It.isa general truth that wbere wo men seek their amusements in one way by themselves, there is in both ways a j tendhncv to degeneration and temptation. God meant that man ami woman should I live together, work together, and, in all the functions of life—civil, social, religious artistic, and intellectual—co-operate with PHCII other j and their mutual relation# are harmonizing and balancing, and nowhere else more thiaa in the seeking and prase cutioo of amusemeuts. I believe that boys and girls should go to school to gether. As they sit together in the house hold, so I think they should Sit together in our temples of learning. Colleges should not be for all men or for all wo men, but the same buildings and the same professors should be ptovided for both in : common. And as it is iti everything else, so it should be in amusements. There is much greater liability to temptation and immorality wbere amusement is sought iu the is6olatiou or separation of the sexes. Therefore, all exhibitions of pictures and stutus, all provisions fo public recre ation all institutions for public amuse ments, should be such as to enable the people to go in groups and families. I do uot think amusements can be good generally in a community in wbich a man is ashamed to take his whole family to them. It'there is anything you would not like your wife and children to participate in with you, the presumption is that it is wrong ; and if there is anything you wo'd like them to participate in with you, the presumption is that it is right. And this might be made a rule of judgment far more widely than it now is. — 11. W Bzeclier. THE LAST MINCE PIE--A YANKEE ROMANCE. Chapter I—She threw herself upon his breast and wept. Chapter ll.—as she ceased weeping he groaned audibly. There they sat en twined in each other's arms for about two hours, and nary one of Ym spoke. Chapler lll. —a voice fractured the sol emn stillness of the air. 'Twas Eugene's, ■'llow sweet, mp own love, Harriet, if I had but a mince pio to eat." , Then she lifted her tear-dimnied eyes to the starry heavens, clasped her hands wildly, and exclaimed, "Come with me to 1 the kitchen, love, and thou shalt eat thy ! till, for there were three of them left at j dinner." They clasped each other by the hand and rushed to the pantry. Chapter IV.—Two mince pies had dis appeared, arid the third was about to share the same fate, when a stealthy step was heard. "Fly, my angel!—my beau! T!s the old woman, I know." And she fell faint ing at bis feet. Chapter Y.—The old woman stood face to face with Eqgene, ami she a~ked him what he had doin' with the gal, and he said he hadn't dun nothing. She seized upon the : remaining pie, and With the Te roeity of a tigress, she chocked it at hiui. .Chapter VI.-—Her aim had beu tiw true. She hit him in the pit of the stoip ach, and he fell at her feet a corpse.— Thiey buried them both in one grave; and every Spriflg the village maidens planted onions over the place where the lovers are at last uuited. EVERY DAY MAXIMS. Remember that every person, however low, has rights and feelings. In all eon- 1 - tentions let peace be rather Vour object than that of triumph ; value triumph ouly as the means of peace. When you meet with neglect, let it arouse yon to exertiofi; instead of mortify ing yonr qride, set about lessening those defects which expose you to neglect, and improve those excellencies which command attention and respect. If you desire the common people to trett yon as a gentleman, you should conduct yourself as a gentleman should to thctn. Du not attempt tot frjghtcn children and inferiors bj passion. It docs more harm to your own character than it docs good to them. The same thing is better done by firmness and persuasion. Find fanh, you must find fault, in private, if possible, and some time after the offbnee rather than at the time. The blamed are less inclined to resist when they are blamed without witnesses. Keep up the habit of being respected, and do not attempt to be more amusing and agreeable than is consistent with the preservation of respect. Don't be too severe upon yourself and vour own failings ; keep on, don't faint, be energetic to the last. Too GOOD TO BE LOST.— A young man at a social party was urged to sing a song. He replied that he would first tell a story, and then if they persisted in their de mands he would try and execute a song.— When a boy, be said, lie took lessons on singing, and one Sunday mornipg he went into his father's garret to practice by him self. When in full, play he was sent for by the old gcotleinan."This is pretty em ployment for a son of pious parents to saw boards on the Sabbath morning loud enough to be heard by the neighbors'. Sit down and take your book." The yftung man was excused from singing the proposed song. What word is tha: of five letters from which, if von take iwo of them only one fa left! St one. HOW JIM WICKER'S HEAD got BALD ;■> 1 You'SCc the bar*always'drd kee rayth er scarce 'feiout my scalp, and I was always rubbing ib one tMhgtfcnd another to fotch it out, for I wae #irtin the roots wasn't dead, though thar was little to be seen abov# the ground. I'd heard of bar's greese, and bought a gallon iu bottles, but I believe jt was nothing hut hog's lard and mutton taller; so I thonght I would have the genuine article, and I got old Dan to go out and kill something for my especial benefit. Dan told me that it was in the Spring and that the bar was in bad health and out of season; but I believed he was trying to quiz me, and wouldn't take no ( for an answer. A short hunt fotched a critter at bay, and Dan, by a shot fn the vitals, "saveitthe vsimint;" but the bar was in a bad condition, for he looked as seedy as an old Canada thistle, and he bad hardly ile enough in him to keep bis jints from squeak tag. but what he did have I got and and strangers." said Jim, 'looking sorrowfully round on the compa ny, in two days what little har I had com menced falling off, and in a week I was as ; bald as a gun-barrel. Dan was right; the varmint was shedding himself and had notliin in him but lair shedding ile, and the consequence is, I can't in the dark tell my head irom a goard, if I depend on feeling." A CARICATURE NOT YET PUBLISHED, — The following is a caricature which we have not seen in Hat per; Scene First—Stanton in the War Office, has just received notice from the Presi dent of leave to go. The Secretary, with eyes aglare, nostrils destended, fists clench ed and advanced in pugilistic attitude, his whole persou indicative of fight, exclaims: "I will not go, by thunder ; I'll fight first!" Scene Second—Stanton making toward the door ot the War Office, his hair dishev eled, eyes protruding, his arms extending as if to break a fall, his person indicating that he is in the act of tumbling down, while endeavoring to find from the office, while Andy, standing in the door of the White-house, reaches out a long leg, well-booted, ilie foot of which sets stiong against the Secretary's posterior person, with an inscription upon the soul of the boot of the word "Grant," the woe-begone Secretary exclaiming as he retreats ; "I yield to superior force." THE MENAGERIE* —'Mr. Showman, what is that V "That, my dear, is the rhvnoce ry. Ile is cousin German or Dutch rela tion to the unicorn. Ho was born in the desert of Sury Ann, and fed on bamboo and in ssionaries. He is very courageous, and never leaves home unless he moves iu which case lie goes somewhere else, unless he is overtaken by the dare. He was brought to this country much against his will, which accounts for his low spirits when he's melancholy or rejected. He is now Somewhat aged, but he has seen the day when he was the youngest specimen of animated nature in the world* Pass on, my little dear, and allow the ladies to sur vey the wonders of creation as displaye.d iu the ring-tailed monkey, a hanimal that can stand hanging like a fellow-critter, on ly it's rever.-ed" FcaDkiois but four years old, but is a philosopher—all children are. The little fellow was much pestered by mos quitoes the other night. He could get no ■rest of hard times. It is the high prices and high U*es that takes their motiey, and it is (lie negro Bureau, military despo tisms, and abolition officials, that makes the taxeij bi&h. To get rid of these, liad icalism thfist be voted out of power.' , rt The India Famine. The terrible famine in India has now lasted •'year, and the end is not yet. One million five hundred thousand persons have died fioni starvation and diseases inci dent to a want of food, and twenty millions of men; Women ar.d children have been in a greatet* or less degree affected by the vis itation. In the Province of Orissa one fourth of the inhabitants have beeo swept away. Starving wretches have turned cannibals and eaten their own children. A missionary records a case of a mother and son who wero tofind devonring a dead child. A Hindoo is mentioned who, hav ing found the body of an infant in the river, cooked and ate it. Over two millions of Mollars were expended last year for the re lief of the sufferers, and a much larger sum will be required to meet the demands of the present year. A widow in Paris, aged forty-five, mar ried a young man aged eighteen. By her first husband she had a son whose age at tfiu time of her second marriage was twen tv-one* She recently died and by her will left her fortune to her son and husbaud.- As her husband was uot of sge her son w.a appointed his gundiaa. TERMB, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance.^ 1.7. [ fltprlniSE. The noon en the mhfct anftieaiiy of ail celestial e u continually shift ing her quarters- Althoogh men are accused of not knowing their Weakness, yet perhaps, aa few know their own strength. Mrs. Harhs says her; jT'darter Jan# was married a Utile over a year when she had two boya, both aona." > ;.< "Don't get above your business," as the lady said to a shoemaker who was measuring her foot. f t " Only one fourth of the population of Ire land now understand the original Irish lan* gaage. In a country paper, the marriage of a Mr. Cpoper to Miss Slaves is announced, The re sult will probably be barrels. Last winter, it is said, a cow doited down the Mississippi on a piece of ice, and caught such a cold that she has yielded nothing but ice creams ever since. FIRST \ lU.lAN.—( Aside, to corpse of gen tleman whom he had just murdered) ''Draw vour legs up, you stupid ! Don't you see that cumin Will come down on them !" "There is no piace like home," says the poet. Right ! unless it's the homo of the young woman you're after. Tli's is, of courae, an exception- Future poets will please to note it. Jack ! ' said a man to a lad just entering his teens, "your father's drotthed." "Darn it," replied the young hopeful, "and he's got my knife in his pocket." The use of whalebone for hoops has doub led the price of that article. It has certainly doubled ihe size of the females who use them. No money is better spent than wtiat is laid cut for domestic satisfaction. A man is well pleased that Ins wife is dressed as well as Other people, and the wife is pleased because she is so tires sett. An elderly spinster wrote to a friend "A widower with fen children has propose", and I accepted. This is the number I should hare been entitled to if 1 had married at the proper titne." "Neighbor /ones," said a rigid church member, "I have been informed that you of teo drive your team, or even go a fishing or a hunting on the Sabbath." "True." re plied Jones, "but then on those occasions I always whistle psalm tones." "THIS TOO SOILU FLESH."— There is Mid Co be an old lady down on rery fat that the neighbors use ber shadow for griddle greaWng. To keep her from' slip ping out of bed, her husband rolls her in the ashes. Long Island is a great place. ' } n f'i ' A. DOMESTIC DKAMA.— Scene 1 Mother in the cellar splitting wood. Sixme 2.—Daughter in tho parlor singing to Clarence Fitz Noodle the pathetic ballad of "Who shall care for mother now ?" The celebrated Dr. Lathrnp was a man of genuine ptety, but much opposed to the noisy that seekelh to be "known of mete" A young divine who was much giren to enthu siastic Cant, one day said to htm, "Do you suppose you have any religion ?" "Noae to rpeuk of," was the excellent reply. "SCM" EPITAPH.— On a tombstone neat- San Diego, California, the inscription read thus: "This yen is safcrid io the memory of Wib liatn Henry SKarakon, who catui to his detb by bein sJii t by a Colt's revolver—one of the old kind, bras mouritid and of sutch is the kingduui of beavin." At a bar supper in M'lwaukie, Wisconsin the following was auiong ihe regular toasts .* "The Court of Cupid : a tribunal before which lawyer's pleas always please ; where every suit is commenced by an attachmeut ; where th* execution takes the body,and sup piemen' ary proceedings never fad to satisfy the judgment." Mr. Colt having bean successful in unw tion where General Burnes was on the other side, asked the C urt for costs. Gen. B ,who was irritated by liemg beaten, opposed lh' vehemently, and said, in conclusion,he 'hoped the counsel would not prove himself tube one of those lawyers whose morning prayer is : "Give us this day our daily bread—with costs !'" The mostest of fun for the leastest of mon ey—have a pretty girl kiss you on both cheeks and then say she u thought it waa COBS* in Tom '!' '•Marrying for life," is a phraie wbiab is coining into use IU iac West.