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HARVEY BICKLER, Publisher.
> Democratic weekly
pper. devoted to l'.ih
liAvd every W e dnes- -
jar, at Tunkhannock *"
GY HARVEY SICKLER.
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tr.;> sre paid; unless at the option of publisher.
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AdyKRTISIXO, as iu iv be ngire.l upon,
PATEXT Mh'lcines and other advertisements oy
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Half column, I year--- S3
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Fourth (oluiun, 1 year, 20
Business Cards of one square or leas, per year,
with paper, $S
tr EIMTOP.ial or I,o< AI TIF.m advertising—with- j
out Advertisement—ls ct>. per line. Liberal terms
made wiih permanent advertisers
KXECC TORB, A I'M IN IS 1 1< A'loKS and AUDI
TOR'S' NOTICES, of the u-usl length, $2,50
OBITUARIE 3 .- exceeding ten lin s, each ; KELI
G IOCS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general
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•fall kinds neatly executed, and at prices to suit
All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB
WORK must be paid for. when ordered
RR. As El.i r ri.lv ATTOENKY3 AT
LAVV Office ou Tioga Street runkhantiock Pa
UTM. M. I'lA'l'T* ATTORNEY AT LAW Of
fice in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk
nno< k. Pa
Hit. COtH'llß. PIU'SH IAN A SUKQKON
• Nowton Centre, Luzerne County Pa.
OI„ PJkKRHHI, iTTOHNiY AT LAW'
• Offi-e nt the Court House, in Tunkhannock
Wyoming Co. Pa.
Jtt, RHOADS, PHYSICIAN ,t SCR GEO N
• will attend promptly to all calls in hie pro
fMsion. May be Sou .1 at his Offi;c at the Droj
Store, or at his residence on Putuiaa Sreet, for uierly
occupied by A. K. Peckh tiu E- j.
--DR. L T. BCRNS has permanently located in ,
Tunkhannock Borough, and respoi-Uully tenders '
hi• professional services to its citizens.
Office on second floor, formerly occupied by Dr.
■Jiv >r. HUG&n, Artist.
Rooms over tbe Wyoming National bank,in Stark's
Life-tize Portraits painted from Amtvotypes or
Photographs - Photographs P.nntad in Oil (,'clors
All orders for paintings executed according to or
der, or no charge made.
i<r Instrn ciona given ID Drnwtnr. Skct -hing, I
Portrait and Landscape Pointing, in Oil or water
Colors, and in II branches of tbe art,
Tank , Jnly 31, 'g7 -vgoso-tf.
Tbe Subscriber having hai a sixteen years prac
tical experience in cu ting and making clothing
now offers his services in tcis line to the citizens of
*!OBO:.8i and vicinity.
Those wishing to get Fits will find his shop the
place to get them. •
JOEL, R, SMITH
B LTON HOUSE.
J] AH HIS 11 r IcO, I'KN'NA.
The nnd-Tigned having lately purchased the
" BEE II LEU IIUI'SE " property, has alrt-ady com
menced su-h alterations an-1 improvement* as will
render this old and popular lb.use equal, if not supe
rior, to any Hotel in the City of flarrisburg.
A continuance of the public patronage is refpeet
GEO. J. BOLTON'
L4TE AMERICAN HOUSE/
TUNKHAKNOIK, WYOMISG CO., PA
THIS establishment hns recently bean refitted an
furnishod in uie latest style Every attention
fill he given to tbe comfort and convenience of those
tio patronize the House.
T B WALL, Owner and Proprietor:
Tunkhannock,September 11, IPfll.
WORTH BRANCH HOTEL,
ME-SUOPPE.V, WYOMING COUNTY, PA
H. COHTHIGHT, Prop'r
ITA\ INO resume-I the proprietorship of the above
undersigned will spare no affoit#
render the house an agreeable place nl sojourn to
I 1 Who may favor it , iUI their c^tom.
Win 1J (.OUTRIGHT.
June, 3rd, 1563
TOWANDA, r A
JT- B- BART LET,
[Late of t- r IIAI*AHII IIOISE, ELMIRA, N Y.
HOTEL, i- one of tun LARGEST
1 ? ARRANGED House* in the country —It
• fitted up in the tuoel modem and Improved style,
and no paina are spared to make it a pleasant and
Agreeable stopping-place for all,
▼ V 021.1/
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. - WEDNESDAY, 5EPT.4,4867.
INIEIL s Miimns M
JUST RECEIVED AND
ALL KINDS OF
TAKEN IN EXCHANGE
BUNNELL A BANNATVNE'S
THE PRINTER'S HOHEN LINDEN.
In seasons when oar fuads are low,
Subscriptions sre provoking slow,
And ftw supplies keep up the flow,
Of dimes departing rapidly.
But then we see a sadder sight
When duns come in from mom till night,
Demanding every "shiny" bright,
To be forked over speedily.
Our bonds and due bills are arrayed,
Each seal and signature displayed,
Tbe holders must and will be paid,
With threat of law aod ohanc ery.
When to despair we're almost driven.
There's precious little fun in living—
When our last copper's rudely riven
From hands that hold it lovingly.
But larger yet the duns .hall grow,
With interest adued on below,
Lengthening the chain a feet or so.
While gazing at them hopelessly.
'Ti fo that scarce we have begun,
3o p>ad for time upon a dun.
Before there is another one.
Demanding pay ferociously.
The prospect darkens ! on ye brave,
Who would your very bacon save—
Waive, patrons, all yonr pretexts waive,
An (J pay the printer honestly.
Oh, it would yield ns pleasnre sweet,
A few delinquents 'low to meet,
Asking of us a clear receipt,
For papers token regularly.
We wandered down the deep ravine
When gnnset fire* wers redly glowing,
And all tbe vale with purple alieen
And golden smokes was overflowing,
The mountain slopes were grill ablaze,
The tree-tope burned,like waving torches,
And rainbow rays of rosy bare
Were flushing all the woodland porches,
Beyond, we saw the sunset skies,
With gates and walls zed turrets bailded—
Embattled piles that seemed to rise,
Tier after tier, with glory gilded,
0, look my love ! what mansions bright!
How rich and grand eacb climbing story 1
Look up, my iove ' I'll build to-night.
For you and me, a 11.use of Glory !
So, hand in hand we rested still.
And upward looked tbro' sui set splendor—
So, heart with heart in loving thrill,
Grew mute beneath the glamour tender.
And thus we built w ; tb painted mist,
Our . astls grand, troin floor to coping,
Until the last low sunbeam kissed
" he gray ravine, and left ue---groping.
Ah ire, my love ! the darkness falls
Fall soon, to shioud our brightest dreaming !
And golden ruofs and crystal walls
Are based lull oft on cloudy seeming.
But, hand in hand and heart with heart,
We twain abide tbe twilight hoary
And wait until the shadows part
That hide from us our House of Flory.
JOSH BILLINGS ON GONGS.
Josh Billings n lateth bis first experi
ence with tbe gong thusly: I never can
eradicate boli from mi memory the sound
of tbe first gong I ever beard. 1 was sit
ting on tbe fiont step ova tavern iu the
sitty of Buflerlo, smoking. Tbe sun was
goin to bed, and the be vena for an hout
was blusbin at tbe performance, The Ery
Kanal, with its golden waters, was on its
way to Albany, and I was perusin the line
botes a flotin by, and thinkin ov Italy
(where I use to liv) and her gondolvrs and
gall us witumin. My entire sole was, as it
were, in a swet. I wanted to klime, 1 felt
grate. I actually grew. There are things
in this life tu big to be trifled with ; there
arc times when a man brakes luce from
hisself, when he sees sperrits, when he
kin almost tuch the mum-, and feels as
tho he kud fill both hands with the stars
of hewn, and almost sware be was a bank
president. That's what ailed me. But
the korse ov true never dil run smoothe,
(this is Shaktperu's opmyon too.) Just
as I was doing my best—cummer, cum
mer, spat, bang, belh-r, crash, roar, ram,
durnmer, dumrner, duin—wiiij a tremen
jus jump X struck tbe centre ov the side
walk, with another 1 kleared the gutter,
and with number I stood in the middle of
tbe street, snorting like an Indian pony
at a hand of musick. I gazed in wild
disnare at the tavern stand, mi hart swell
ed up as a outdoor oven, mi teeth was a9
luce as a string of heeds. I thot all ov
Ihe crockery in the tavern had fell down.
I thot of fenomenons. X thot of Gabral
and his horn. I was jest on the pint of
thinkin of somethin else when the lanlord
knm out to the frunt stupe ov the tavern,
hidden by a string the hot om ova old
brass kittle. He kaw'ed we gently with
his hand. I went slola and slola up tu
him, he kammed mi feres, he said it was
a gong, I saw the knssed thing, he said
supper was reddy, he axed me ef I wud
hav black or green tee, and I sed I wud.
DIDN'T RECOGNIZE Ir.— A wealthy man
of Boston, who owns a country residence
in the suburbs of that city, recently became
dissatisfied with it, determined to have an
other, and instructed an auctioneer, famous
lor his descriptive powers, to advertise it
in the papers at private sale, hut to con
ceal the location, tehing the purchaser to
apply at his office. In a few days the
oentlemen happened upon the advertise
ment, was pleased with the account of the
place, showed it to his wife, and the two
concluded it was just what they wanted
and that they would secure it at onco
So he went to the office of the auctioneer
and told him that the place he had adver
tised was such a one as tie desired, and be
would purchase it. Tlie auctioneer burst
into a laugh and told bim that it was the
desori|>tiou of hi* own house where he was
then living, lie read the advertisement
again, pondered over the "grassy slopes,"
"beautiful vistas" "smooth lawn," etc.,
and broke out, "is it possible! Well, auc
tioneer, make out my bill for advertising
and expenses, for, by George, I wouldn't
sell the place now for three times what it
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
"Are there ny more of those letter* I"
When her father asked this question, in
an awful tone, Lucillia Richmond could
not say "No," aud dared not My "Yea,"
but as an intermediate course burst into
tears, and sobbed behind her hankerchief
"Bring them to cae, Lucilla," said her
father, as if she had answered him, as, in
deed, she had; and the girl, trembling and
and weeping, arose to obey him.
Then Mrs. Richmond, her daughter's
very self grown older, came behind her
husband's chair and patted him on bis
"l'leas don't be bard with her, my dear,"
she said, coaxingly "He's a nice young
man and it is our fault after all as much as
hers, and you won't break her heart I'm
"l'erhaps you approve of the whole af
fair, ma'ma," said Mr. Richmond.
! "I—no—that is, I only—" gasped the
woman: and hearing Lucilla coming, she
sank into a chair, blaming herself drea l
fuHv for not having present at all her
daughter's music lessi ii iunng the past
For all this disturbance aose from a
music teacher who had given lessons to
Miss Lucilla Richmond for twelve months,
and who had taken the liberty of falling in
love with her, knowing well that she was
tho daughter of one of the richest men in
"It was inexcusable in a poor music
teacht-r, who should have known bis
Mr. Richmond declared, and he cluclied
the little perfumed billit which had fallen
into hin hands as he might a scorpion, and
waited f<r the others with a look upon his
face which told no softening. They came
at last, six littie white envelopes, tied to
gether with blue ribbon, and were laid at
his elbow oy his despairing daughter.
"Lock these up until 1 return home this
evening." he said to his wife; "I will read
them. Meanwhile, Lucilla is not to see
this music master on any pretence."
And then Lucilla went down upon her
"Oh, dear paper!" she cried, "dearest
papa, please don't say I must never see
him again. I couldn't bear it. Indeed I
could not. He's poor, I know, but ho is a
g-ntlcman, and I—-1 like bim so much,
"No more of this absurdity, ray dear,"
said Mr. Richmond. "He has been artful
enough to make you think him perfection,
I suppose. Your parents know what is
best for Miss Richmond."
With which remark Mr. Richmond put
on his hat and overcoat, and departed.
Then Lucilla and her mothei took the
opportunify of falling into each other's
"It's naughty of you," said Mrs. Rich
mond. "But no, dear, I cau't blame you.
It was exactly so with me, I ran awav
with your papa, you know, and inv parents
objected because of his poverty. I feel
the greatest sympathy for you, and Fred
rick has such fine eyes, and is so verv
pleasing, I wish I could sollen your pa
"When he has seen the letters there'll
be no hope, I'm afraid," sobbed Lucilla.
"Fred is romantic and papa hates romance."
"He nscd to be very romantic himself
in those old times," said Mrs, Richmond.
"Such letters as he wrote me. I have
them in my desk yet. lie said he should
die if I refused bim."
"So does Fred," said Lucilla.
"And that life would be worthless with
out me ; and about my being beautiful (he
thought so, you know ;) I'm sure he ought
to sympathise a little," said Mis. Rich
But she dared not promise that he wo'd.
She coaxed her darling to stop cry ing,
and made her He down; then w> nt up in
to her own room to put the letters into her
desk; and, as she placed them in one pig
eon-hole, she saw in another a bundle,
tied exactly as those were, and drew them
These letters were to a Lucilla also.—
who had received them twenty years be
fore—and she was now a matron old enough
to have a daughter who had heart troubles
—unfolded them one by one, wondering
how it came to pa-s that lovers letters
were all so much alike.
Halt-a-duzcn—jut thu s-irae number,
and much more romantic than those the
music-master had written to her daughter.
A strange idea came into Mrs Richmond's
mind She dared not oppose her hnsdand ;
by a Took or a vord she had never at
tempted such a thing.
But she was very fond of her daughter.
When she left the desk she looked guilty
( and frightened, and something in her pock
et rustled as she moved. But she said
nothing on the subject until tbe dinner
hour arrived, and with it came her husband
angrier and tnore determined than ever.
The meal was passed in silence; then,
having adjourned to the parlor, Mr. Rich
mond seated himself in a great arm chair,
"The letters," in a voic3 of thunder.
Mrs. Richmond put her hand into her
pockets, and pulled it out again with a
Mr. Richmond repeated still more atern
"Those absurd letters, if jou please,
And then the little woman faltered :
"I—that ia—l believe—yes, dear —I
beletvel have, them,' ami gave him a white
pile of envelopes, encircled with blue rib
bon, with a baud that trembled like an as
As for Lucilla, she began to weep as
though the end of all things had corns at
last, and felt eure that if papa should prove
cruel alio ihould die. Six letters—six
shameful pieces of deception, Lucilla," said
the indignant parent "I air shocked that
a child of mine could practice such duplici
ty. Ilem ! let me aee. Number one, I
beleive. June, and this ia Decembef.
Half a year you have deceived us then,
Lucilla. Let me see—ah! 4 From the
first moment he adored yoa,' eh! Non
sense. People don't fall in love in that
absnrd manner. It takes years of acquaint
ance and respect and attachment. 'With
your smiles for his goal, he would win both
fame and fortune, poor a9 he isf Fiddle
sticks, Lucilla ! A man who has coimnon
sense would always wait until he had a
commencement before proposed
to any girl. 'Praise of your beauty. Tbe
lovlicst creature he ever raw!" Exagger
ation, my dear. You are not plain, but
such flattery is absnrd. 'Must hear from
you or die?' Dear, dear, dear—how ab
And Mr. Richmond dropped the firet
letter, and took up another.
"The same stuff." he commented. "I
hope you don't believe a [word he says.
A plain, earnest, upright sort of man
would never go into such rhapsodies, I am
snr<*: Ah ! now, in nnmber three he calls
you 'ange!, He is romantic, upon my
word. And what is all this!"
"Those who would forbid me to see you
can find no fault with me but my poverty.
I am honest—l am earnest in my efforts.
I ain by birth a gentleman, and 1 love you
from my soul. Do not let thtm sell you
for gold, Lucilla."
"Great heavens what impertinence to
"I don't remember Fred's saying any
thing of that kind," said poor little Lucilla.
"He uever knew vou would object."
Mr. Richmond shook his head, frowned,
and read on in his silence until the last
sheet lay under his hand. Then, with an
ejaculation of rage, he started to his feet.
"Infamous !" he cried, "I'll go to him
this instant—l'll horsewhip him I—l'll—l'll
murder him ! As for you, by Jove, I'll
send you to a convent. Elope, elope with
a music teacher ! I'm ashamed to call you
my daughter. Where's my hat ? Give
me my boots. Here, John, call a cab !—l"
But here Lucilla caught one arm and
Mrs. Richmand the other.
"Oh, papa, are jou craay!" said Lucilla,
'Freder never proposed such a thing. Let
me see the letter. Do look, papa; it Is
dated twenty years back, ai d Fredrick's
name is not Charles 1. Papa, these are your
love letters to mamma writen long ago.
Her name is Ludilla, you know 1"
Mr. Richmond sat down in his arm-chair
in silence, very red in the face.
"How did this occur?" he said, sternly
and little Mrs. Richmond, retreating ii.to a
corner, with her handkerchief to her eyes,
"I did it on purpose !" and paused, as
though she expected a sudden judgment.
But, hearing nothing, she dared at last to
rise and cn-ep up to her husband timidly.
"Ycu know, Charles," she said, "Its's so
long ago since, and I thought yoi. might
not exactly remember—how you fell in
love with me at first sight, how papa and
mama objected, and how at last we ran
away together; and it seemed to me that
if wc could bring it all back plainly to yon
as it was then, we might let dear Lucilla
marry the man she likes who is good, if he
is not rich. I did not need it to be brought
back any plainer myflelf, women have more
o remember, you know. And we've been
very happy—have we not ?"
And certainly Mr. Richmond could not
deny that. So Lucilla, feeling that her in
terests might safely be left in her mother's
keeping, slipped out of the room and heard
the result of the ruse next morning. It
was favorable to the young muic teacher,
who had really only been sentimental, and
had not gone half so far as elopement; and,
in due course of time, the two were mar
ried with all the pomp and giandeur befit
ing the nuptials of a wealthy merchant's
daughter, with the perfect approbation of
Luciila's father and to the great joy of Lu
cilla's mama, who justly believed that her
little ruse had brought about all her daugh
A SWEET TEMCKH.—NO trait of charac
ter is more valuable in a woman than a
sweet temper. Home can never be made
happy without it. It is like the flowers
that spring up in our pathway, reviving
and cheering us. Let a man go home
weary and worn by the toils of the day
and how soothing is a word dictated by a
good disposition? It is sunshine falling
on his heart He is li9ppy and tbe cares
of life are forgotten. A sweet temper has
a soothing influence over the mind of a
whole family. Where it is found in the
wife and mother, yoa observe kindness and
love predominating over tbe natural feel
ing of a bad heart. Smiles and kind
words characterize the children, and peace
and love have their dwelling there. Study
then, to acquire and retain a sweet temper.
It I- more valuable than gold ; it captivates
more than beauty ; and to the close of lfe
it retains all its freshness and power.
A FAIR RKT<RT — A young lady dress
ed in a Bloomer costume, who had wit as
well as independence, was piesent at an
evening party a short time since, where
she attracted the attention of the gentle
men and the sneers of gome of the ladiea.
One extremely sensitive lady, who, no
doubt, envied the pretty appearance of the
costume, remarked to the wearer that it
was a very immodest dress and unbecom
ing to a lady. Tbe witty fair one replied:
"If you should pull your dre*s up enough
to cover your shoulders, it would then be
shorter than mine!" The modest lady,
whose dress seemed in danger of falling
from her person, immediately fainted, aud
fell into the arms of a waiter.
THINGS WHICH ARE BEFORE.
We are always moving and ifting at
the stone of of corruption, which lies spon
our hearts, but yet we never stir it, or at
leaat never roll it off from us. We are
ftomeiiraefl s little troubled with the guilt
of our Bias sod then we must thrust our
desires out of our hearts ; but afterward,
we snrinkle ourselves over 1 know not
what holy water, and so, are contented to
j lei those desires still quietly within us
: We every day truly confess the same sins,
and pray against them ; and yet, we will
j commit them as much a* ever, and lie
jas deeply under the power "f tbem. We
have the same water to pump out, iu everv
j prayer; and still we let the same leak in
again upon us. We make a great deal of
noise and raise a gieat deal of dust with 1
our feet, but we do not move from off the !
ground on which we stood, we do not at'
all go forward. Or, if we do sometimes
make a little progress, we quickly lose
again the ground which we had gained ;
like those upper planets in the heaven,
which, as the astronomers tell ns, some- 1
times stand perfectly still ; have tljeir sla- j
tiuns and retrogradations. as well as their
direct motions. As if religion were noth
ing else hut a dancing up and down npon
the same piece of ground, and making sev
eral motions and frisking on it; and not
a sober journeying and travelling onward
toward some certain place.
A correspondent who dislikes affecta
tion in any form sends us the following
Dinner wna spread in the cabin of that
peerless steamer, the New World, and a
splendid company were assembled about
ihe table. Among ihe passengers thus
prepared for gartronoraic duty was a little
creature of the genius fop decked daintily
as an early butterfly, with kids of irre
proachable whiteness, "miraculous" neck
tio, and a spider like quizzing on his nose.
The delicate animal turned his head affec
tedly aside with—
"Bwing tne a pwopellah of a fwemale
"And waitah, tell the ateward to wub
my plate with a wegetable called onion,
which gives a delicious flavaw to my diunah.
While the refined exquisite wa9 giving
hia order, a jolly Western drover had listen
ed with op'-n mouth and protruding eves—
When the diminutive creature paused, he
brought his fist down upon the table with a
force that made every diah bounce, and
then thundered :
"Here! you gaul darned ace of spades!"
'• Yis sah."
"Bring me a thundering big plate of
And an old jnk pot; tuck a horse blank
et under my thin, nnd rub me down with
brickbats while 1 feed."
The poor dandy showed a pair of straight
ti.ils iustanter, and the whole table joiued
in a "tremendour roar*'
No sitting room is completely finished
without a few choice plants within it to
give it an air of eheerfuluess, with their
frichness and fragrance. Almost every
article ornament aud luxury costs money ;
but these the poorest household may enjoy
at the expense of a little pleasant care, the
reward of which will surely and speeddy
follow. It is a constant source of delight to
watch| the expanding leaves and swelling
buds, growing as they do to be at once
cherished friends instead of things inani
mate, whose influence upon the character
is ever refining and elevating, whose les
sons of instructien are ever ennobling and
purifying. \\ ho that has watched the grow
ing beauty of some tender plant can won
der that the French infidel, Compre de
Charuey, who spent months in the care
and study of a delicate flowering plant, was
led by its influence to believe in its Maker?
Thev are among the available means that
have been placed within reach of toothers
and sisters for rendering home attractive
to its inmates, and holding them within its
walls, leading them into the higher walks
of refinement and purity which those who
b-ve the beautiful pursue. The lessons
winch they may teach by means of them
cannot be forgotten, even though the path
way in after lite may lie among thorns.
Thousand of men breathe, move and live
pass off the stage of life, and are heard of
no more. YYhv ? They did not see a
paiticle of their redemption, not a word
they spoke could be recalled, and so they
perished, their light went out in darkness,
and they were not remembered more tnan
the insects of yesterday. Will yon thus
live and die, O, man immortal?— Live for
something. Do good, and leave behind
vou a monument of virtue that time can
never destoy. Write your name in kind
noss, love and mercy on tiie hearts of thous
ands yon come in contact with, year by year
and you will never be forgotten. No; your
name, your deeds will be as legible on the
hearts you leave behind, as the stars on the
brow of the evening. Good deeds will
shine as brightly ou the earth as the stars of
The other day a young man board
ing at the Danfortli House, was asked the
time just a* ho set down to dinner. He
pulled out what he supposed to be his
watch, but what was really a live frog.—
the reptile hopped across the table to tbe
astonLhment of the young roan, and to
the amusement of those who understood
the joke. A waggish fellow workman had
substituted the frog for the watch, the
young man having taken off his Yeet and
aid it aside. ,
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance.
|Jisf anb Btjutfoise.
•'When you are in To key you meet do as
the Turkey* do," aa a lady of guest philologi
cal repute once Mid.
Why does a person that is poorly lose much
of hie sense of touch ? Because he doesn't
Briggs has a faculty for getting things
cheap. The other day he had a beautiful *et
of teeth inserted for nothing. He kicked a
Why is dishonest bankrupt like an honest
poor man ? Because both fail to get rich. „
President Johnson is going to.the Lookout
"Deacon," said a minister, after a heavy
sermon, "I'm very tired." "Indeed," said
the deacon ; "then you'll kuow bow to pity
An old tnaid's convention is to be held at
Luile Rock, Arkansas, "to gain a true knowl
edge ot the the nature and attributes ofinen."
An Australian is exhibiting in England,
who allows himself to be struck in the
breast with a fourteen pound sledge hammer.
A chicken dealer in Fulton Market, named
Bobbins, is said to be worth five million. He
tends his own stall.
At a public dinner, Home Tooke, hearing
of the retreat of the Duke of York before the
French, gave as a toast, "The bravo foil J were
of the Duke of York."
"What do you call this ?" said Mr. Jones
Smith, gently tapping his breakfast with his
fork, "Call it ?" snarled the landlady, "what
do you call it ?" "Well, really, said Smith#
"I don't know. There is hardly hair enough
in it for mortar, but there is entirely 100
much if it it intended for hash."
"What's that a picture on ?" said a coun
tryman in our hearing,the other day,in a prn.t
store to the proprietor, who was turning over
some engravings "That, sir," said the deal
er, "is Joshoa commanding the sun to stand
still." "Du tell ! Well, which is Joshua
and which is his son ?"
"In a short biographical notice of Pope '
which 1 compelled for an addition of his po
ems," said an author, "I briefly enumerated
his prose works, among which 1 named his
"Memoirs.of a Parish Priest." When the
proof camo before ine, 1 found that the com
positor bad set it Memoirs of a Paint Brush!"
A man with a very large bald head was
complimented on the fact that his caput was
analogous to Greenland. "Why so ?" ho as
ked "Because it is a great white bear (bare)
place," was the reply.
A fellow was told at a tailor shop that three
yards of cloth by being wet, would shrink
one quarter of a yard. "Well then," he in
quired, "if you should vet a quarter of a
yard, would there be aoy left 7"
"I wonder where those clouds are going ?',
sighed Flora, pensively, as she pointed with
delicate finger to heavy masses that floated
in the sky. ' I think they are going to thun
der !" said her brother.
A very modest young lady who was a pas
senger on board a packet ship, it is said
sprang out of her berth, and jumped over
board on hearing the captain, during a storm
order the mate to "haul down the snecls
There is something exquisite iD the Yan
kee'# reply to the' European traveller, when
he asked h>tn whether he had just crossed
the Alps. "Wal, now, you call my attention
to the fact, I guess I did pass risin' ground.
One exceedingly warm day in July a neigh
bor met an old man and remarked that it
was very hot.
"Yes," says Joe, "if it wasn't for one
thing, I should say we were going to have a
"What is that ?" inquired his friend.
"There's nothing froze," saya Joe.
The man went on his way much cnligh en
A schoolmaster in a neighboring town
while on hit morning walk, passed by tho
door of a neighbor, who was excavating a log
for a pig trough.
"Why," said the schoolmaster, "Mr. S.
have you not furniture yet ?"
"Yes," said the man, "enough for my
own family, but I expect to board the school
master this winter, and am making prepara
. — • - ■ - -
Two young princes, the sons of Archduke
Charles of Austria, had a warm dibate in the
presence of no lesa a personage than the Em
peror himself. Greatly excited, one said to
"You are the greatest asa in Vienna I"
Highly offended at the quarrel iuhia pres
ence, the Emperor interrupted them, saying
with mdigoaticn :
''Come, come, young gentlemen, you forget
'hat I am present