®pmitio democrat. HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher. YOL. YII. Ppmiitjj flmorrat, { Pemoeratic week ly ~ piper, devoted to Poll sios News, the Arts J| t Sui Sciences Ac. Pub- ~ lished every Wednes- 1 iv, at Tunkhannock 7 BY HARVEY SICKLER. " 9* Terms —l copy 1 year, (in advance) $2,00; if lot paid within six menths, 2.50 will be charged 50 paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar arsgesre paid; unless at the option of publisher. RATES OF ADVERTISING. T EN LINES CON3TITCTE A SUL'ABE. One square one or three insertions $1 50 _ Srsry subsequent insertion less than 8 50 RIALESTATB, PERSONAL Piior-BiiTr, and GENERAL Al.veitrisi.vc, as HKV be agreed upon. PATENT MKDICI.NES and other advertisements Dy tbe column : One column, 1 year, $l.O Jialf column, 1 year 35 Third column, 1 year, 25 Fourth column, 1 year, 20 Kusinces Cards of one square or less, per year, with paper, SB. rr EDITORIAL or LOCAI. TTEM advertising—with out Advertisement—ls cts. per line. 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BARTLET, iUteoftu. BBRAINAKD HODSK, ELXIRA, N. Y. PROPRIETOR. Ji h S n^ ANS nOTEr ', ■ one of the LAROEST i< *, ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt an l * ln moß ' modern and unproved style, are spared to make it a pleawat and ■-1® atopping-piago for all, BIIIELL & Miimin ceil A LARGE STOCK OP SPRING GOODS, JUST RECEIVED AND Fop Sale t ///:. //', | ALL KINDS OP ! Produce TAKEN IN EXCHANGE FOR GOODS AT BUNNELL Jt BANNATYNE'S TwtiAanttoci, ?$■ Sail. TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. -- WEDNESDAY, AUG. 28,1867. A SNAKE IN THE GLASS. BY JOHN O. BAXB. Come. lintoii a while to me, my lad, Come, listen to me a ape!l ! Let that terrible drum, For a be dumb, For your uncle ie going tc tell What befel A youth that loved liquor too well. A clever young man wag he, my lad, And with beauty uncommonly blessed, Ere with brandy and wia lie began to decline, And behave like a person possessed, I protest The temperance plan is the beet. One evening he went to tbe tavern, my lad, lie went to the tavern one night, And drinking too much Rum, brandy, and such, The chap got exceedingly "tight," And was quite What your aunt would entitle a "fright." The fellow fell into a snooze, my lad, 'lisa horrible slumber be take; He trembles with fear, And acta very queer; My eyes bow bo shivers and shakes When be wakes, And raves about great horrid snakes ! 'Tis a warning to you and me my lad, A {.articular caution to all— Though no one can see The viper but he— To hear the poor lunat ie bowl, ' How tbpy crawl All over the floe r ana the wall The next morning he took to his bed, my lad, Next morning be took to his bed, And he never got up To dine or to sup. Though properly physiced and bled ; And 1 read, Next day, the poor fellow was dead. You havo heart. oft 1 e snake in the grass, my lad, Of uie viper concealed in the gris, But you mL„t know Man's deadliest too Is a snake of a different class ; Alas ! 'Tis the viper that lurks in the glass! A TOUCHING PASSAGE. How eloquently does Chateaubriand re ply to the inquiry, "Is there a God f* "There is a God! The herbs of the val ley, the cedars of the mountain bless Him; the insects sport in His beams; the ele phant salutes Him with the rising orbs of day; the thunder proclaims Him in the Heavens ; the ocean declares His immensi ty ; man alone has said, 'there is no God !' Unite in thought at the same io.tant the most beautiful objects in nature: suppose that you see at once all the hours of the and all the seasons of the year ; a morning of spring and a morning of autumn ; a night bespangled with stars and a night covered with clouds; meadows enameled with flowers and hoary with snow ; fields gilded by tints of autumn ; then alone you will have a just conception of the universe. While you are gazing upon that sun which is plugging under the vault of the West, another observer admires him emerging from the gilded gates of the East. By what inconceivable magic does that aged star which is sinking fatigued and burning in tbe shade of the evening, reappear at the 6ame instant, fresh and humid with the ro sy dew of tbe morning 1 At every instant of the day tbe glorious orb is at onse ris ing, resplendant at noon-day, and setting in the West; or rather our senses deceive us, and there is, properly speaking, no East West, North, or Sonth in the world. Ev erything reduces itself to a single point, fiom whence the King of Day sends forth at once a triple light in one substance. Tbe bright sllendor is perhaps that which nature can present that is most beautiful for while it gives us an idea of the perpet ual magnificence and resistless power of God, it exhibits at the same time a shining image of thejglorious Trinity.,' MARRIAGE AND LONGEVITY. Bachelors die earlier than other men. This is confirmed by Dr. htark of the Reg ister's office in Scotland, who finds that the average age of married men over twenty years is over fifty-nine years ; that is, mar riage adds nearly one-third to the length of life, as a general rule, because-- Ist. Bachelors' are always in a state of unrest, they feel unsettled. 2d. If indoors after supper thpre is a sense of solitariness, inducing a sadness, not actual meloncholy, with all their depressing influence; and many, many hours in the course of the year are P pcnt in gloomy inac tivity, which is adverse to a good digestion and a vigorous and bealthiful circulation. 3d. His own chamber or house being so uninviting the bachelor is inclined to seek diversion outside, in 6nppers with friends in clnbs which are introductories to intem perance and licentiousness, or to those more unblushing associations which, under the cover of darkness, lead to a speedy rnin of health and morals; and when these are gone the way downward to an untimely grave is rapid aod certain. On the other hand, marriage lengthens a man's life, Ist. By its making home inviting. ' 2nd. By the softening influences which it haa upon the character and the affections. 3d. By the cultivation of all the better feelings of our natnre, and in that propor tion saving from vice and crime. 4th. There can be no healthful develop ment of the physical functions of our nature without marriage—it is necessary to the perfect man ; for Divinity has announced that it was "not good for man to be alone," sth Marriage gives a laudible and hap pyfying object in life, the provision for wife and children, their present comfort and fu ture welfare, tbe enjoyment in witnessing their happiness and tbe daily and hourly participations in affectionate interchange of thought aod sentimentand sympathy; these are the considerations whicih antagonize sorrow and lighten the burdens of life, thus strewing flowers and casting sunshine all along its pathway. " To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Bight. " STORY OF A YOUNG GIRL. —I heard a touching story of a young girl the daugh ter of a once eminent physician, who upon the death of her father was obliged to sup port her mother and herself. She under took ihe management of a Kindergarten school, and established her mother in a neat and comfortable home. She herself took apartments in anotbe r section of the city. An intimate friend af hers grew anxious to know bow she was living. On a card she had her address, a good street a good house, in a respectable locality, hut five miles away. "Caroline tells me she gets along nicely, her old mother had said to this friend; "and she must, for you know that is a very fine part of London where she is." So Caroline was sought for. "I found the house," said the friend who related the story. "It is a very imposing mansion, five stories high, and in good re pair. A servant came to the door, well dressed, but smiled when I asked for Car oline. •'She was not in; would soon be in. "I lold her I was an old friend, and would wait, She smiled again "Would I care about going np so high ? It was over the children's nursery. "I said I would not mind, but I confess that I was wearv long before I arrived at the fifth floor. iTheie I was ushered into —I scarcely know how to call it a room ; it was more like a closet. Only in the center could cue stand upright. It was the garret- No carpet covered the floor, which was scrupulously clean. A little trundle-bed stood in one corner, covered with a coarse white linen sheet, instead of a counterpane. Under a calico curtain Hr.g ' r scanty wardrobe—two black ureases. One chair, a little pine table, a bit of cupboard in one corner—these were all that were visible, with the exception of a small bathing-tub in one end of the poor little garret. , "Trembling at my own impertinence, I opened the cupboaad. One cup and sau cer, a spoon, a knife and fork, and a loaf of bread. Tbe tears rushed to mv eyes. She who bad lived in comparative luxury, to he reduced to this ! "No sooner had I made my observations than Caroline came in. I shall never for get her look as she saw me—not of pride but astonishment. " -1 thought I bad so completely buried myself that nobody would find me ! she cried —'How kind you are l' " 'My dear girl, you could surely live better than this!' I exclaimed. " 'But not cheaper," was her reply. ( My expenses are next to nothing, yon must know, and mama could not live as she does if I allowed myself luxuries. She is very old, and must not want the com forts she has become accustomed to. Be sides. I have everything I really need. My bread and water are sure, and I am healthy. If you look out you will see the swallows' nest just under my wiodow. I feed the pretty birdies every day, and I believe they know me. My books and papers are pleasant companions , I am surrounded with a purer atmosphere; I have no neighbors opposite to watch me, and I want you to beleive that I am very happy ; and if you see mama, tell her also that Caroline is as comfortabloas possible.' " t ßut, my child, do you never regret the past ? " 'What good would that do me ? Re grets are useless dreams. Of course, if I could have poor papa again'—her lip trem bled a little. She ran to tbe closet, lifted her loaf, and laughingly asked me if I were hungry. " 'Pray don't imagine that I want any thing,' she added merrily. 'I have a little store of fig 9 and nuts and raisins that I eat for a dessert ; one or two of the ser vants, are very willing to cook mo a little meat when I want it, and I really do live like a princess. So don't waste any re grets on me.' "1 came away from there," said my friend, "feeling that I had learned a new lesson in human experience, and that tbe-e could be, what I had never even imagined pos sible, happiness in lodgings—even iu a garret whose occupant was a voting girl of nineteen, who had been reared in a home of affluence, and with no daintier vi ands than a crust of bread and a cup of cold water." A VERY HASTY WEDDING. —A some what novel and romantic marriage took place in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, recently, which may interest tbe lady portion of our readers. A wedding was announced to take place in the evening at ono of the churches, and of course the seats were crowded—for there are thousands of per sons who will go to see a man married or hanged who would not venture on any oth er ordinary or extraordioauy occasion. Among the spectators were a widower and widow, both in the noonday of life, who happened to sit together in the same pew. They had a slight acquaintance, and very naturally whispered together upon the appearance of the bride and bridegroom at the altar. At about the conclusion of the ceremony the gentleman sighed audibly, and whispered to his companion, "l'oor things | I bate to see them start out in the world alone ; I'd like to keep the poor creatures company to night." "So wonld I, " sighed the widow. "Say w do," said the widower, a bright idea striking him, "Agreed," responded the widow. The first ceremony was no soon er through, accordingly, than up marched the hero and heroine of our story to the altar, and in less time than a tbarce were made one flesh, to the utter bewilderment of the assemblage. EXCITMENT IN A CIRCUS. We laughed heartily over the following ludicrous story aud would not deprive our readers of the same enjoyment: A number of years ago, when Michigan waa a new country, in Livingston county, there lived a family by the name of Clay ton, and one called Perkins also, —as well as a great many others. Pete Clayton was a tall, fine looking fel low—a noble specimen of our backwoods men—standing six feet and two inches in his stockings. Pete had taken a shine to Miss Sally Perkins, and it was known in fact that they were engaged, but the day when the knot was to be tied had not as yet been di vulged. In the month of August, 1849, June's circus came through their town lor the first time, and in fact it was the first had ever passed that way, and there were a great many people that had never seen one. When the important day arrived, the town was filled to over flowing with a motley crowd, of course, and every young fellow had his gal. Now, Pete wanted to get married on the coming Christmas, but Sally wished to have it put of till the next spring. When the ticket wagon was open the tent was filled in a hurry. Pete and Sally bad bees looking through the side shows and they were late in getting in, and the performance had already commenced. They walked around the entire ring, try ing to find a seat, aud although they coold seat two thousand people, every seat was crammed full. "Never mind," said Sal, „I'd just as lief stand up.'* Bet the gallant Pete couldn't think of it and said,' wait a minute, and I'll get you a chair," and off he started, leaving poor Sal alone. Just at this moment the clown came in, dressed in his usual custom and dancing aroud the ring, stopped right in front of Sal and began to sing: "Oh, Sally is the gal for me." This caused Sal to blush, for she thought the clown was looking at her, and she hid the view of those on the lower seats behind her and as usual OD such occasions, the clown cracked his jokes at the offenders untill they take tbe hint and find a seat, but she said she would rather stand up. At this the clown commenced Lis jokes, remarking to the ring master: "There's a chance for me now." "A chance for you?" "Yes don't you see that gal has lost her bean, and she is looking at me, I know," and turning thee or four sumersaults, be stopped right iu frout of Sal, and begau to siog, "Oh Sally is the gal for me' I would have no other, And if Sal died to-morrow night, I'd marry .Sally's mother." This was eveidently meant for her, raised Sal's dander, and she burst out with— "l'm the gal for you am 11 Marrying my mother, would yer? You low lived spotted schnm of the earth. If my feller was here he wallop you for that. I would n't stay here another minnit—nor neither would anv decent people either." Saying which she rushed out of the tent amid roars of laughter. The clown assuming a comical attitude remarked to the ring master that his grand father was remarkable man, and so was my grandmother, too, but that gal beat all bis forefathers. At this juncture Pete rushed in closely followed by Sal, and jumping into the ring, he squared off to the clown and said.' • "I'll teach yon to insult any female un der my charge," and let fly at his oppo nent and taking him plump in the face sent him to mother earth, at which he jumped on him and commenced kicked him unmer cifully; Sal standing on the out of the ring, clapping her hands, sung out: "That's it, Pete, give hirajessie and we will get married Christmas, sure.," At this the ringmaster and three or four ethers caught Pete and commenced to thrash him, when Pete's friends interfer ed and a general fight ensued, which com pletely broke up the circus. TTow A GRUMBLER WAS SERVED.— A hnsband was continually finding fault with his wife for her want of neatness — that his house was r.ot always kept like a hand-box, nor his tables polished like mir. rors. This was one day very warmly ex pressed, and comparisons were instituted between her management and that of a neighboring Quakeress, whom the husband had seen on that day The wife promised compliance with his wishes; and on the bus leaving the house, she put everything in the most exact and neat order. The hus band returned rather la'er than usual, with a friend whom he had invited to dine with him. To his surprise he found the front door of his house locked— he knocked loudly, and with great vehemence demand ed immediate admittance, when an upper window was raised, and out popped tbe head of his beloved spouse, "Thee cannot come in at the front door—thee must go round by the gate into the kitchen." The husband sheepishly complied, and ever af- ] ter suffered his wife to manage her house hold affairs as she saw fit. "What did yon used to do, mamma, be fore you were married P' asked a cherubie four years old. "Well, my dear,-1 had a very good time." "A good time !' he ex claimed, indignantly—"what, without me!" Th^jevifforgottogpacethislipt. STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD A native of Australia, Mr. J. E. Evans, recently gave an exhibition of remarkable strength, at the Sea Hotel, in Chesterfield, England, to establish bis claims as tbe strongest man in the world. He held a fifty-six pound weight in varions positions, at arm's length, and increased the number untill he raised four fifty-six pound weights above bis head, holding them at arm's length, and at the same time standing upon four tumbler glasses. He also held the weights on the top of the glass, and allow ed a glass of water to be placed upon tho top of the weights. He laid flat upon the floor, and let a fifty-six pound weight fall a distance of about a yard on bis hare chest, and tbe weight rebounded as though it had come in contact with a piece of india rob ber. A piece of stone, four inches thick, was next placed upon his chest, and Mr. Ilineb, blacksmith, smashed it with two blows into fragments. Mr. Ilinch and Mr. Turner then cut a piece of two-inch iron in two across his chest with the hammer and chisel. The feats concluded by Pro fessor Hercules lying fiat upon the floor, and allowing Mr. Ilinch to strike him, with with all his strength, with a sixteen-pound sledge hammer. The blow was met by the Professor, and the hammer rebounded with out leaving a scratch upon his body. WHAT TO TAKE. —An exchange says; \ lady of our aquaintance, young, and lovely and intelligent, called on a celebrat ed physician to do "something" for a rush of blood to the head "I have been doctoring myself," said tbe languid fair one, with a smile, to the bluff though kind M. D., while he was feeling her pulse. "Why, I have taken Brandreth's Pills, Parr's Pills, Stanburg's Pills, Sand's Sar 6aparilla, Jaync's Expectorant, used Dr. Sherman's Lozenges and Plaster, and—" "My Hevens! madam," interrupted the astonished doctor, "all these do your com plaint no good 1" "No!—then what shall I take!" pettishly inquired the patient, "Take 1" exclaimed the doctor, eyeing her from head to foot—"take ! exclaimed he after a moment's reflection, "Why take off your corsets!" READ AN HOUR A DAY. There was a lad who, at fourteen, was apprenticed to a soap-boiler. One of his resolutions was to read an hour a day, or at least at that rate, and he had an old sil ver watch, left bim by his uncle, which he timed bis reading by. He stayed seven years with his master, and 6aid when he was twenty-one he knew a? much aa the young squire did.—Now, let us see how much time he had to read in, in seven years, at the rate of an hour each day. It would be 2,555 hours, which, at the rate of eight readings hours per day, would be equal to three hundred and ten days; equal to forty-five week; equal to twelve months; nearly a year's reading. That time spent in treasuring up useful knowledge would pile up a very large store. lam sure it is worth tryiDg for. Try what you cau. Be gin now. In after years you will look back upon the task as the most pleasant and pro fitable you ever performed. A MEMBER of the bar once entered the Court Appeals ofNew York while a coun sellor was arguing an important case. "Who is that gentleman addressing the Court !" said he, speaking to Charles C'con nor, who was sitting near him. "That 6ir, is Daniel Lord, Junior, and he puts on the JUNIOR, so that he may not be mistaken for the Lord Almighty." It may be inferred that these two professionals resembled neith er Damon and Pythias, nor Jonathan and and David, in their affection for each other. WouLD't Own UP !—Joe Stetson was a wild rolicking fellow, who spent most of his time in drinking and spreeing, while his wife, Polly, was left at home to do the chore.— Upon a certain occasion, Joe, left home to he back, as he said, that night Night came, but Joe did not. The neqt day pass ed, but, about sunset Joe came up in the worst condition imaginable—his cloths dirty and torn, one ey in deep mourning, and his face presented the appearance of a peice of raw meat than anythtng else. Polly met him at the door, and noticing his appearance exclaimed: "Why, Joe, what in the world is the mat ter?" "Polly," said Joe, "do yon know Jim Andrews! Well him and me had a fight'' "Who whipped, Joe?"aked Polly. „Polly, we had the hardest fight you ever did ee. I hit him and he hit me, and then we clinched, Polly; ain't supper most ready! I ain't had anything since yesterday morning." "Bnt tell me who whipped, Joe," con tinued Polly. "Polly," replied Joe, "I tell you, you never did see such a flight as roe and bim had. When he clinched me I jorked loose from him, and then gin him three or four of the mo9t sufficientest licks you ever herd of, Polly, aiu't supper ready 1 I'm nearly starved." "Joe, do tell me who whipped?" contin ued Polly. "Polly, replied Joe, "yon don't know nothing about fighting." I tell you we fought like tigers; we rolled and tumbled— first him on top, then me on top —then the boys would pat me on the shoulder, and holler, Oh my ? Stetson. We gouged, and bit, and tore up the dirt in Seth Run nel's grocery yard worser nor two wild bulls. Polly, ain't supper most ready. I'm monstrous hungry." "Joe Stetson ? exclaimad Polly in a tone bristling with anger, "will you tell me who whipped 1" "Polly," said Joe, drawing a loDgsigh, "I hollered I" TERMS, $3.00 Per. ANOTJM, in Advance. pis* aifo Jtjretfow. The pleasure of doing good Is the only one that never wean oat, ■ 1 ■ • - ■ ■ - .Speech it silver, but silence is gold. Hence the expression, bash money. •'Little things do much," said the lion,when released from a snare by an humblo mouse. The individual who was accidentally injur ed by the discharge of his duty is still very low. A fine woman like a locomotive, draws a train after her, scatters the sparks, and tran&i ports the mails. The boy who lost his balance on "the roof found it on the ground shortly afterwards. Snibbs wan to know if doctors, by looking at the tongue of a wagon, can tell what ails it. Longfellow's beautiful phrase, "suffer tod be strong," is now familiarly rendered, "grin and bear it.'. An old bachelor's definition of love : A little sighing, a little crying, a little dying and a good deal of lying. What kind of essence does a young man like when ho pops the question ? Acquiess cence, Why are milkmen like Pharaoh's daugh ter 1 Because they find a little profit in the water Those ladies who have a passion for tea parties should remember that tattle begina with T, An Irishman remarked of a lady who had been very kind to him—"Bedad she's a per fect gentleman." Scolding, says a good for-nothing old bach elor, is the pepper of matrimony aod the la dies are the pepper boxes. If your mother's mother was my mother's aunt, what relation wonld your great grand father's nephew be to my eldest brother's ■on in-law. A country editor thinks that Colambus is not entitled to much credit for discovering America, as the country is ao large he coald not well have miased it. Here's thejbaDnisters, but where in the deuce are the stairs—as the drunken fellow said while groping his way around the beds stead in the dark. Never fret about what you can't help, be*, cause it won't do you any good. Never fret about what you can't help; because if you can help it, do ao. A lady trampled on a dog's tail the other day, and the animal bit her leg. The blood did not flow, however —only sawdust. A Cockney, seeing ao urchin lying across a leather, remarked that the boy could not tee straight because be was cross hide. At a Fourth of /uly celebration in Marion county; 111., a young lady offered the follow ing toast: "The young men of America. Their arms our support ; our arms their re> ward." Fall ID, men—fail in. A young lady, not at all addicted to affec tatioo, hearing a gentleman remark in com pany, that all pretty girls who lisped likod to be kissed, instantly annswered, 'Tho FM heard lhay /' There is a hoax going the rounds of the press, that a Degro in Virginia is gradually turning white, which seems to amaze every bedy. But thousands of white men have turned niggers within the last few years without surprising anybody. When a Wisconsin gal is kissed she looks suprised, and says ; "How conld you ?" To which the swain replies,— •'lt will give me great pleasure to show you," and proceeds to give her a duplicate. - . - >4-9 ■ An Irishman had left his nstlve country* and sought an aaylum in America because it was a land of liberty, was attaked on his ar rival, in December, by a furious mastiff. Ho stooped to pick up to delend himself, but the atone was froxeo fast. "By my soul," says Pat, "what a awate country, where thi dogs are let loose and the stones tied fast." As one of the Dover, (England) volunteera was passing along, rifle in hand, he was ac ooated by a precocious nrchtn who cried out; "Who shot the dog 7" Thia saying our friend appeared by no msans to relish, So turning he said : "If yon are not off very soon, I'll shoot a donkey." Whereupon the boy, catling out to one of his companions,rejoined: "1 say, BiH, look here; this fellow ie id* to commit suicide." NO. 4.