Booming Democrat.
HARVEY SICXL.ER, Publisher.
VOL. VII.
Ppnting flemacrat,
A Democratic weekly _ ~u,
paper, devoted to Poll '
and Science* Ac. Pub- "
liahed every We dnes- *
day, at Tunkbannock " flTr
Wyoming County,Pa Ny Y MB? U D
BY HARVEY SICKLER.
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tot paid within six months, #2.50 will be charged
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smnw Halites.
RR.A W if LITTLE, ATTORNEYS AT
LAW Office on Tioga Street Tunkhanneck Pa
WM. M. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW Of
fice in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk
aaanock, Pa.
HS. COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON
• Newton Centre, Luzerne County Pa.
L, PARHISH, ATTORNEY AT LAW
• Office at the Court House, in Tunkhannock.
Wyoming Co, Pa.
W. RHOADS, PHYSICIAN A SURGEO N
• will attend promptly to all calls in his pro
fession. May be fonnd at bis Office at the Drag
Store, or at his residence on Putman Sreet, formerly
occupied by A. K. Peckham Esq.
DENTISTRY."
DR. L T. BURNS has permanently located in
Tunkbannock Borough, and respectfully tenders
his professional services to its citizens.
Office oa second floor, formerly occupied by Dr.
Oilman.
v6n3otf.
PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE,
AND
OKNISMEKFTAL
IPATNTING,
Sy JT. HUG Bit, Artist.
Rooms over the Wyoming National bank, in Stark's
Bnck Block,
TUNKHANNOCK, PA.
Life-size Portraits painted from Ambrotypw or
Photographs—Photographs Painted in OilCilore
All order* for paintings executed according to or
der, or no charge made.
Instructions given in Drawing, Sketching,
Portrait and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water
Colors, and in all branches of the art.
Took., July 31, '£l -vgoso-tf.
NEW
TAILORING SHOP
The Subscriber having had a sixteen years prac
tlcal experience in cutting and making clothing
now offers his services in this line to the citizens of
NICHOLSON and vicinity.
Those wishing to get Fits will find his shop the
place to get them,
JOEL, R, SMITH
-nSO-6mos
"bolton house.
HARRISBURG, PKNNA.
The undersigned having lately purchased the
" BtEHLER HOUSE property, has already com
menced such alterations and improvements as will
render this old and popular House equal, if not supe
rior, to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg.
A continuance of the public patronage is refpeet
fully solicited.
GEO. J. BOLTON
"WALL'S HOTEL,
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/
NkIIANNOt K, WYOMING CO., PA.
THUS establishment, has recently been refitted an
•A furnished in the latest style. Every attention
•ill be given to the comfort and convenience of those
•ho patronize the House.
T.B WALL, Owner and Proprietor:
Tunkhannock, September 11, 1861.
WORTH BRANCH HOTEL,
MX-hoppen, WYOMING COUNTY, PA.
H. CORTRIGHT, PropT
r ' rjm# d the proprietorship of the above
Mn/I.r ii, k ua dersigned will spare no efforts
render the house an tgreeaMe 0 , 80 journ to
•U who may favor it with their custom.
Wm H. CORTRIGHT.
June, 3rd, 1863
MEANS' HOTEL.
TOWAWDA, PA.
lb B- BARTLET,
I Late of T„, BBRAINARD HOUSE, ELMIKA, N. Y.
PROPRIETOR.
„ MEA NS HOTEL, is one of the LARGEST
L. a T ARRA NGED Houses in the country-It
ntted up in the most modern and improved style,
■d no pains are spared to make it a pleasant and
•greeable for all,
* , nzl, ly,
BIIIELL & MIIATYIE'S COLUHI
A LARGE
STOCK OP
SPRING
GOODS,
JUST RECEIVED AND
For Sale
CHEAP,
ALL KINDS OF
Produce
TAKEN IN EXCHANGE
FOR GOODS
AT
BUNNELL it BANNATYNE'S
Tunlckannock, Pd.
bail.
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. -• WEDNESDAY, AUG. 21,1867.
iflfti'U,
THE OLD MAN'S DREAM.
BY OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES,
0 for one hour of youthful joy!
Give back my twentieth spring 1
I'd rather laugh a bright-haired boy
Than reign a gray-beard king 1 }
Off with the wrinkled spoils of age !
From boybood'r fount of flame,
Give me one giddy, reeling dreatu
Ot life all love and fame,
My listening angel heard the prayer,
And, calmly smiling, said,
'•lf I but touch thy silvored hair,
Thy hasty wish hath sped.
"But is there nothing in thy track
To bid thee fondly stay,
While the swift sensons hurry back
To find the wished-for day 1"
Ah! truest soul of womankind !
Without thee what were life 1
One bliss I cannot leave behind :
I'll take —my —precious —wife I
The angel took a sapphire pen
And wrote in rainbow dew,
"The man would be a boy again,
And be a husband too !"
And there is nothing yet unsaid
Before the change appears 1 •
Remember, all their gifts have fled
With those dissolving years !
Why, yes ; for memory would recall
My food, paternal joys ;
1 could not bear to leave them all;
I'll take —my —girl—and—boys !
The smiling angel dropped his pen—
"Why, this will never do ;
The man would be a boy again,
And be a father too I"
And so I laughed—my laughter woke
The household with its noise—
And wrote my dream, when morning broke,
To please the gray-haired boys.
NOT A LAUGH WAS HEARD.
Somebody, whose bachelor friend has "been and
gone" and got married, tell all about it, in the fol
lowing poetical style :
Not a laugh was heard, nor a joyous note,
As our friend to the bridal we hurried ;
Not a wit discharged his farewell shot,
As the bachelor went to be married.
We married him quickly to save his fright,
Our heads from the sad fight turning ;
And we sighed as we stood by the lamp's dim
light,
To think he was not more discerning,
To think that a bachelor, free and bright,
And shy of the sex as we found him,
Should there at the altar at dead ef night,
Be caught in the snare that bound him.
Few and short were the words wo said,
Though of wine and cake partaking :
We escorted him home from the scenes of dread
While his knees were awfully shaking.
Slewly and sadly wo marched him down,
From the first to tbe lowermost story,
And we nevor have heard or seen the poor man
Whom we left alone in his glory.
THE STRENGTH OF A KID WORD.—
Some people are very apt to use liarsh an
gry words, perhaps because they think they
will be obeyed more promptly. They talk
loud, swear and storm,though after all they
aro often laughed at; their orders are for
got, and their ill-temper only is remember
ed.
How strong is a kind word ! It will do
what the harsh word, or even blow, cannot
do : it will subdue the stubborn will, relax
the frown, and work wonders.
Even the dog, the cat, or the horse,
though they do not know what you say,
can tell when you speak a kind word to
them.
A man was one day driving a cart along
the street. The horse was drawing a
heavy load, and did not turn as the man
wished him. Tbe man was in ill-temper
and beat the horse ; the horse reared and
plunged, but he either did not or would not
go in the right way. Another man who
was with the cart, went up to the horse and
patted him on the neck, and called him
kindly by his name. The horse turned his
head and fixed his large eyes on the man
as though he would say, "I will do any
thing for you, because you are kind to me;"
and bending his broad chest against the
load, turned the cart down the narrow lane
and trotted on briskly as if though the load
were a plaything. Oh, how 6trong is a
kind word !
AN ELOQUENT PASSAGE. —The finest
thing George D. Prentice ever wrote,is this
inimitable passage :
"It cannot be that earth is man's onlj
abiding place It cannot be that our life
is but a bubble, cast up by the ocean of
eternity, to float a moment on its waves
and sink into nothingness. Else why is it
the high and glorious aspirations which
leap like angels from the temple of our
hearts, are forever wandering, unsatisfied ?
Why is it that the rainbow and cloud come
over us with a beauty that is not of earth,
and then pass off to leave us to muse on
their lovliness ? Why is it that the stars,
which 'hold their festival around the mid
night throne,' are set above the grasp of our
limited faculties, forever mocking us with
theis unapproachable glory I And, finally
why is it that the bright forms of human
beauty are present to our view and taken
from us—leaving thousand streams of affoc
tion to flow back in an Alpine current upon
our hearts IWe are borne for a higher
destiny than that of earth. There is a
realm where the rainbow never fades —
where the stars will be spread out before
ns like Islands that slumber on the ocean,
and where the beautiful beings that pass
hefoie us will stay forever in our midst."
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
RRBAD UPON THE WATERS.
When I was at college at Providence, R.
1., 1 chanced to be returning to my room at
a late hour one night, when turning the cor
ner of North Main and Providence streets,
right there by tbe First Baptist Church, I
stumbled over something lying upon the
sidewalk. As I was just beginning my jun
ior year,and had consequently given up the
sophomoric idea that swearing was a mark
of superior manhood, without so much as a
blessing upon a careless watchman, I bent
down, and after a little examination found
I had stumbled over one of the city news
boys. lie was almost frozen; so, wrap
'ping him up in my heavv cloak, I carried
him with some difficulty up the long hill,
and soon had him in quarters something
warmer than those in which I found him.
It was a long time before the boy became
conscicus of his whereabouts, but when his
delerinm was over and he sat before my
face wrapped in a warm dressing-gown, I
ascertained bow it happened that I found
him asleep on the sidewalk.
He told his story in a few words: Tie
was alone in the world ; father and mother
were dead, and he was shifting for himself,
lie had been unsuccessful in the sale of his
papers that day, was hungry, thinly dress
ed, and the wind blowing very cold lie had
crouched down a moment on the corner to
shield himself from the cutting wind, and
fallen asleep —and in that state I found him.
I thought the little fellow was fibbing to
me when he began about his father and
mother, and I watched to see if he wouldn't
bring himself out some way before he had
finished. He was a bright little fellow —
thin, indeed, and very pale—but he did
have a keen black eye, and uo mistake.—
His story, short as it was, was not ended
before I, feeling sure that he was not falsi
fying to me, had decided what I should do.
The next morning, measuring the length
breadth and thickness of my newsboy, I
went down street to my tailor's, obtained a
suit of clothes which he chanced to have
on hand, which with a few changes proved
to be just the thing, purchased a pair of
shoes which exactly fitted the measure I
had in my pocket, and returned to my room
before the lad was awake, You ought to
have seen how he opened those eyes and
stared at me, at the room, at everything,
and have watched the shadow of perplexi
ty, astonishment and delight that flit across
his face as the recollections of the last few
hours came back.
" Well, my man," said I, "how do you
feel? Well enough to get up and see if
these traps are anywhere near the size of
that body of yours? '
lie was out of bed in a flash, and in a
very short time was dressed in his new suit.
Ah ! but he did look well as he stood there
so neat and trim, and so thankful, withal,
that I felt HS the schoolmaster did when he
flogged his boys, that " it is more blessed
to give than to receive.',
Well, I kept the boy with me until he
was well and strong, and one morning I call
ed him to me End in a set speech, a la junior
exhibition, said:
" Mr. Newsboy, it is high time that you
should be beginning on the voyage of ac
tive life, and this morning I'm going to cut
you adrift. Here's a little cash to help you
along in your travels at first, and you be
careful that you don't make bad use of it.
Before you go I want you to promise mc
that you'll be honest and industrious—will
you ?—that you'll behave yourself always;
be an ornament to society, and all that sort
of thing—will you ?"
He said yes, of course, a dozen times,
and after a shake of the hand and a hasty
" good bye, Sam," he disappeared down the
stairs.
Time passed along. I graduated, settled
in business, married ; hut still never once
heard of my boy, and at last he and the oc
currence were forgotten.
Five years ago this winter my business
called me to the West It proved a sorry
journey. I lost my traveling sack con
taining valuables to a considerable amount;
my journey had been a wild goose chase,
with not the least shadow of success, and
just about discouraged I started for home.
Misfortune did not desert me here. On
seeking my wallet I found that it had been
stolen, and that I bad not a dollar in my
pocket. 1 have a faint recollection of not
feeling particularly amiable at that time.
"Out West" in those days was something
different from what it is now trom the same
West where yon rail over the ground at the
rate of forty miles an hour; and out West
with not a dollar, and no means of commu
nication but a line of snail-paced stage
coaches, was anything but delightful.
The coach for the East was just starting,
and having watched it out of sight I went
into the tavern and sat down to think how
I was to get out of the difficulty. I had
been sitting there some little time when a
man who had been warming himself with
his back to the fire drew a chair near mine
and, after a little chat of the weather, sur
prised me by asking if I wasn't M. of Prov
idence, R. I. I told him 1 was, and before
I could return the compliraeDt of asking
his name he said:
"Do you remember a boy whom, when
you were a student at the University, you
found almost frozen in the streets of Prov
idence ? Do you remember that I promised
you —for I am that boy—to be an honest,
industrious man, to behave myself, and be
come an ornament to society? Yes sir, 1
am that boy, and I can say without denial,
that I am an honest and successful man,
and that whatever I am morally or socially
I am indebted to you for itand he shook
my hand as only a grateful man can. Then
he told me what he had been about all
these years ; how by industry and perse
verence he had won the confidence of his
employer, had in time been admitted by
him as a partner, had married his partner's
daughter—in a word, he was happy.
My surprise at the appearance of "my
boy," his evident pleasure in meeting me,
his earnest inquiries after mv welfare—all
these things at such a time I fully apprecia
ted, and I did not hesitate to tell him how
I was situated. He laughed good-natured
ly at my misfortunes, hoped I " wouldn't
lie awake o'nights grieving about tliem.and,
taking my arm led me away. He took mo
to his office, told me of his extensive busi
ness, made me shake hands with his father
in-law, and I don't know how many others,
and soon afterwards leading me up the
stately steps of a fine dwelling, he intro
duced ma to his lovely mistress —his wife.
I Dassed a pleasant week under his
friendly roof, and more than once as I jour
neyed homeward I thought how many
more such grateful harvests might be gar
nered if men would be less miserly of the
proper seed.
A NOVEL SUIT.
A Child Claimed by two Women—How
the Judge Decided a Question—Affecting
Incident in Court.
In the Circuit Court in Baltimore, on
the 31st, npon the petition of Georgi H,
Perry and Elizabeth Perry, a writ of ha
beas corpus was issued, directed to Edward
Landers and Margaret Farrell, requiring
respondents to produce in court the body
of Hester Louisa Bartling, aged eight years,
(alleged to be the daughter of Mrs- Perry,
one of the petitioners, before marriage,)
who is detainee from its mother by respon
dents. The answer of Ed w. Landers, one of
the respondents, alleges that the child is
the daughter of his wife, Margaret Landers,
by a former husband, whose name was
Ferrell, and that the name of the child is
Margaret Ferrell,
Mrs. Perry testified that the child was
born in the almshouse before her marriage;
that being unable to take care of it. she
left it with a woman named Mrs. Loughlin,
who was to support it for SO per rronth,
and that 86 was paid her on account; that
she shortly after went to Frederick, and on
her return found her child in possession of
Mr. Ferrell, at wiiosc house she was mar
ried for the first time in July, 1866, to Mr.
Perry ;it was in evidence, also, that Mrs,
Loughlin, with whom the child was left
with her for over six months, attempted to
place it in some asylum, but failed ; she
then gave it to Mrs. Ferrell, who adopted
it, gave it her name, and fixed npon it cer
tain property in Philadelphia. It was also
in evidence that the child was claimed to
be the daughter of Mrs. Ferrell before her
present marriage, and that its name was
Margaret Ferrell. The evidence was con
flicting. After the examination of one or
two witnesses, the respondents, asked that
the case be posponed to enable them to
produce certain witnesses, and the court
granted the postponement, The counsel
for petitioners asked that the child, in the
meantime, might be kept in the custody of
the sheriff, to prevent its being carried be
yond the jurisdiction of the court.
At this point Judge Elexander directed
two chairs to be placed at one end of the
court room. He then requested Mrs. Per
ry, one of the petitioners, to take one of
the seats, and Mrs. Ferrell, one of the re
spondents, the other. The child, during
the hearing had been standing upon the
platform, at the side of the Judge. Judge
Alexeuder then turned to the child and
told it to go to its mother. The child star
ted down and then turned around and ask
ed the Judge, "Can Igo to the mother I
want!" The Judge said "Yes child," when
she sprang forward, and threw herself into
the arms of Mrs. Ferrel, exclaimiug :
"This is the mother I want." She was re
ceived with passionate kisses. During
these proceedings, the eyes of the large
number of women as well as men present,
were directed to the movements of the
child, and when her choice was made, the
the women ros^ to their feet, and gave
vent to their feelings, in exclamations of
delight. "The darling child," says one.—
"She knows her mother," says another.—
Sobs and tears accompanied the demon
stration. The countenances of men were
not without ( motion, and it was sometime
before quiet of the court room was restored.
While this scene was being enacted, Mrs.
Perry, the petitioner, looked on, and soon
after left her seat and took a chair beside
her counsel, at the trial tabic. Judge
Alexander then directed Mrs. Ferrel to
take charge of the child, and produce her
in court on Saturday. He also told coun
sel that the child was in the custody of the
court, and refused the application to place
her in charge of the sheriff.
A woman is always at tho bottom of
trouble. Yon remember the story of the
Shah of Persia. When he was told that
a workman had fallen from a ladder, he
called out—
"Who is she ? '
"Please your Majesty, it's a be."
"Nonsense ?" exclaimed the Shah;
"there is nevor an accident without a wo
man. Who is she?"
The Shah was right"; the man had fal
len from his ladder because ho was look
ing at a woman in the window opposite.
Many a man does this in other countries
besides Persia.
I
"Brethren and sisters, ladies and gentle
men, if I had the world for a pulpit, the
stars for an audience; my head towering
far above the loftiest clouds, my arms swing
ing through immensity, and my tongue
sending foith the clarion notes of a Gabri
el, I'd set one foot on Greenland's icy
mountaius, end the other on India's coral
strand, and, and—l'd howl like a wolf."
MECHANISM OF THE ORGANS OF
VOICE.
Nearly all the quadrupeds, as well as
man, have a vocal apparatus nearly alike.
There is an elastic semi-cartilaginious box
called a larynx , in which are two thin
membraes put upon the stretch, like two
short thin ribbons—edge to edge. Below
are the lungs, acting on the principle of
bellows, which force a current of air up
through the wind-pipe, and as it rushes be
tween the tense" margins of the vocal chords
or ribbons, makes them vibrate. Such is
the origin of the voice- Modified by the
shape of tbe mouth, play of the tongue,
movement of the lips, and the opposing
firmness of the teeth, in connection with
the cavities in the cheek bones and nose,
we have the human voice. All aoimal gra
dation below humanity, where the brain is
less in volume and inferior in capacity,
there is rarely much more than a simple
characteristic voice, as the lowing of an ox ;
the brav of an ass ; the barking of a dog, etc,
which is a vibration ou the vocal chords
without much modification. The onrang
outangs, and the quadrupeds generallv, at
most, can only howd and chatter without
giving any distinct articulate sounds.
Our voices, then, are produced by the
tremor vibration of the chords, much as
the sound is produced in the hautboy by a
double reed In birds however, the reed
is placed at the low end of the windpipe,
near the bellows —and any variation of
tone which they arc able to produce is by
opening and closing the hill—equivolent to
raising or closing a finger-hole on a Ante,
j insects are furnished with means of making
sound bv quite a different kind of mechan
ism, as they are without lungs or vibratiDg
chords.
SENTIMENT.
A Unitarian clergyman of Middlesex
county ; says: "It is doubtful whether,
with our modern tendency, God can send
upon society a greater combination of cur
ses than a truly eloquent preacher a ten
thousand dollar organ, and a superb opexa
choir.
Women often fancy themselves in love
when they are not. The love of being
loved, fondness of flattery, the pleasure of
giving pain to a rival, passion for novelty
and excitement, are frequently mistaken
for something far better and holier, till
marriage disenchants the fair self deceiver
and leaves her astonished at her own indif
ference and the evaporation of her roman
tic fancies.
To-morrow may never come to us. We
cannot find it in any of our title-deedsl
The man who owns whole blocks of reat
estate and great ships on the sea, does no
own a single minute of to-morrow. To,
morrow! It is a mysterious possibility
not yet born. It lies under the seal of
midnight,—behind the veil of glistening
constellations.— C/tapin.
SIGNS AND OMENS.
1. To walk along the street at midnight
and find a pin pointing towards you, signi
fies good luck. To turn a corner suddenly
at the same hour, and find a pistol pointing
at you, signifies the necessity that you,
should immediately "git up and git" behind
something. A big tree is preferable.
2. If a lady puts on her stockings wrong
side outwards, it is a sign of good luck—
if she docs it unintentionally. If she does
it on purpose, it is a sign the stockings are
not as while as snow. In view of the fact
that ladies do not wear stockings unless
they are as white as snow, this sign ap
plies only to "blue stockings."
3. To have your cup of tea banded you
with two spoons in the cup or saucer, is a
sign that there is to be a wedding. But such
signs, it is said, never occur in places vis
ited by General Butler.
REMEDY FOR SLEEPLESSNESS. —How to
get to sleep is to many persons a matter
of great importance. Nervous persons
who are troubled with wakefulness and ex
citability, usually have a strong tendency
to blood on tDc brain, with cold extremi
ties. The pressure of blood on the brain
keeps it in a stimulated or wakeful state,
and pulsations of the heart are otten wake
ful. Let us rise and chaff the body and
extremities with a brush or towel, or smart
ly with the hands, to promote circulation,
and withdraw the excessive amount of
blood from the brain, and they will fall
asleep in a few momeuts. A cold bath,
or a sponge bath and rubbing, or a good
run, oi a rapid walk in the open air, or go
ing up and down s'.airs a few times just be
fore retiring, will aid in promoting sleep.
These rules are simple and easy of appli
cation in castle or cabin, mansion or cot
tage, and may minister to the comfort of
thousands, who would freely expend mon
ey for an anodyne to promote "Nature's
sweet restorer, balmy sleep."
The Abolition paty is thought to be
about "played out." Inded there does not
seem to be any fuither use for it. It has
abolished the Union, it has abolished the
Constitution, it has abolished tbe habeas
corpus , it has abolished the white man, it
has abolished State rights; and now it bad
better go to work and abolished itself
fJT Why don't President Johnson fol
low Lincoln's example—issue a proclama
tion and abolish slavery ? We mean white
slavery, for the yoke of the negro has been
shifted to the necks of the whites. IPe be
lieve it would go through as a war meas
use.
Subscribe for the Democrat.
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance.
Pise anfo pljerfoise.
Aim at comfort and paopriety, not fashion*
Remember this.
The editor who said his month never ut
tered a lie, probably spoke through his noao.
"Mach remains unsung," as the cat re
marked when a brick shortened his serenade.
"The light of other days"—pitch* pine
torches and dipped caudles'
Excited Frenchman at Nisgra Falls. "Eh I
dis is ze grand spectakle ! Supaab ! Msgni
fique ! Ry gar, he is come down first rate."
-
Let us remove temptation from the path of
youth, as the frog said as he plunged into the
water, when he saw a boy pick up a stone.
There is a young lady in this place whose
lips resemble peach blossoms so much that
she has to keep a veil over her face to keep
beos out of her mouth, *
A sleepy deacon who sometimes engaged
in popular games, hearing the minister use
the words '■' shuffle off this mortal coil," start
ed up, rubbed his eyes, and exclaimed,"Hold
on ! its my deal.' ?'
Ladies are watches—pretty enough to look
at —sweet faces and delicate hands, but some
what difficult to "regulate" when once started
agoing.
BRIDGE CROSSING.— "As I was going over
thu bridge the oiher day," said a native of
Erin, " I met Pat Ilewins," says I, ~ how
are you ?" " Pretty well, thank you, Donnely,
says 1. " that's not my name." "Faith, then
no more is mine newins. So with that we
looked at aich other agin, an'sure enough, it
was nayther of us."
A Missoura postmaster thus expresses bit
opinion that his official returns are correct:—
"I hereby certify that the four going A Coun
te is as near rite as i no how to maik it if
there is enny mistake it ain't Dun a purpus."
The bitter word is not the strong word.
The gieatest vigor of thought or act is not
violent; it breaks no law of courtesy The
lightning is silent and playful ; it is the rent
and wounded air that gailsin the thunder.
A crquette is a rose from which every lov
er plucks a leaf—the thorn remaining for her
future husband.
What is the difference between a watch
maker and a sentinel? The one keeps tl a
hours by the watch, and the other the watch
by the hours.
One of the boys in a New Orleans school
was asked, after various definitions had been
given by others, mostly quite correct, what
was meant by the verb "to tantalize ?" Ha
replied : " It was to as-k a great many ques
tions and then criticise the answers !"
A teacher of vocal music asked an old lady
if her grandson had any ear for music?
"Wa'al, said the old woman, "I raaly don't
know ; won't yon take the candle and see ?"
A stranger looking for a restaurant in Ful
ton street, New York, the other day was re
ferred to a corset shop near by, by a wag who
told him ho could get something to 'stay his
stomach.'
Two school teachers!in Indiana fell out and
had a fight. A great crowd was, of course,
the necessary consequence. A nervous indi
vidual came up, in breathless excitement, and
inquired of a wag the cause. "Why," said
he, "they fell out about spelling the word
'bird.' " One said it was "byrd," and the
other contended it was 1 burd."
An old gentleman recently attempted to
remove a large bug from the bonnet of s lady,
who sat in front of him an the theatre. The
result was, he unrooted all her back hair.
Deeply chagrined, he hastily opologised, but
soon learned that the bug was artificial, and
was used to hold the head and hair together.
A scene was the consequence.
The superintendant of a Sunday school at
Hartford, Conn., recently made his| annual
report, in which he recommended that the
adult members should go to wcrk and do all
in their power to increase the infant class
in his school during the coming year.
A forlorn printer's devil says thus plain
tively : 'When Susie's arms her dog impris
on, I always wish my Deck was hi6'n: how
often would I stop and turn, to get a pat
from hands like hern, and when she kisses
Towser's nose, 0 don't I wish that I were
those,'
"Sally," said a green youth, in a venerable
white hat and gray pants, through 4 which his
legs projected half a foot, "Sally, before wo
go into this museum to see the happy family,
I want to ask you sumthin." "Well, Icha
bod, what is it ?" *'Well, you see this ere
business is guine to cost a bull quarter
apiece, and I can't offord to spend so much
for nothin'.—Now, if you'll say you'll hev me,
darned ef I don't pay the hull on't myself I"
NO. 3.