ttpmiiQ Bmorrot.
HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher.
VOL VII.
fDpmiug pfinflcrat,
A Democratic weekly )
paper, devoted to Poll yJfW\ art
tics News, the Arts t.
B nd Sciences Ac. Pub- 7KB
day, at Tunkhannock
Wyoming County,Pa Ny wt * )3 tin W —-y
BY HARVEY SICKLER.
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JOB WORK
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RR. &, W'. E LITTLE, ATTORN EYS AT
LAW Office on Tioga Street Tunkhannock Pa
WIW. M. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW Of
flee in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk
nannock, Pa.
H S.COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON
• Newton Centre, Luierno County Pa.
OL, PARRISH, ATTORNEY AT LAW
• Offi-e at the Court House, in Tunkhannock
Wyoming Co. Pa.
vTT RIIOADS, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON
• will attend promptly to all calls in his pro
fession. May be found at bis Office at the Drug
Store, or at his residence on Putman Sreet, formerly
occupied by A. K. Peckham Esq.
DENTISTRY.
DR. L T. BURNS has permanently located in
Tunkhannock Borough, and respectfully tenders
his professional services to its citizens
Office on second floor, formerfy occupied by Dr.
Oilman.
vGn3otf.
PORTRAIT, UfIOS€AY&
• AND
OHSF&MEIST&I;
X 3 .A.T JSTTiaNTO,
'Jiy W. HUG Eli, Artist.
Rooms over the Wyoming National bank,in Stark's
Brick Block,
TUNKHANNOCK, PA.
Life-size Portraits painted from Auihrotypes or
I'botogruphs—Photograj.hs Painted in Oil Colors
All orders for paint ings executed according to or
der, or no charge made.
RT Instructions given in Drawing, Sketching, 1
Portrait and Landscape Painting,*in Oil or water
Colors, and in all branches of the art,
Tunk., July 31, '67 -vgnso-tf.
NEW
TAILORING SHOP
Yba Subscriber having had a sixteen year* pmc
tleal experience in catting and making clothing
now offers his services in this line to the citixens of
■ICBOL.SO* and vicinity.
Those wishing to get Fits will find his shop the
place to get them.
JOEL, R, SMITH
-cSO-6moß
BOLTON HOUSE."
HARRISHURG, PKNNA.
The undersigned having lately purchased the
•' BT'EHLER HOUSE " property, has already com
menced such alterations and improvements as will
render this old and popular House equal, if not supe
rior, to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg.
A continuance of the public patronage is refpect
fully solicited.
GEO. J. BOLTON*
"WALL'S HOTEL,
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/
fUSKHAXXOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.
THIS establishment has recently been refitted an
furnished in the latest style. Every attention
Will be given to the comfort and convenience of those
who patronize the Tlou*e.
T. B/WALL, Owner and Proprietor :
Tunkhancock, September 11, 1861.
NORTH BRANCH HOTEL,
MKSHOPPEN, WYOMING COUNTY, PA.
Wm. H. CORTRIGHT, Prop'r
HAVING resumed the proprietorship of the above
Hotel, the undersigned will spare no _ efforts
tender the house an agreeable place of sojourn to
*ll who may favor it with their custom.
Win. H. CORTRIGHT.
fune, 3rd, 1863
MEANS'HOTEL."
TOWANDA, PA.
F. P- BARTLET,
(Late eftae BBBAIXARD Hocus, ELMIKA, N. Y.
PROPRIETOR.
The MEANS HOTEL, is one of the LARGEST
and BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country —It
is fitted up in the most modern and improved style,
and no pains are spared to make it a pleasant and
agreaablo stopping-place for all,
v?,a2l,ljr.
mmi & Miimin eras
A LARGE
STOCK. OF
SPKING
GOODS,
JUST RECEIVED AND
For Sale
f///-•.//*.
ALL KINDS OF
Produce
TAKEN IN EXCHANGE
FOR GOODS
AT
BUNNELL 6i BANNATYNE'S
TunkhannocJe, Pa.
snll.
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. •• WEDNESDAY, AUG. 14,1867.
LONGFELLOW'S PSALM OF LIFE.
Tell me not in mournful number*,
"Life is but an empty dream !"
For the foul is dead that (lumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
Lifers real! Life U earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
"Dust thou art, to dust returneth,"
Was not spoken of the soul.
Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way ;
But to act that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day,
Life is short and timo is fleeting,
And our hearts tho' stout and brave
Still like muffled drums aro beating,
Funeral marches to tho grave.
In the world's broad field of battle
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb driven cattle !
Be a hero in the strife.
Trust r,o Future, howe'er pleasant;
Let the dead past bury its dead,
Act, act in the living Present,
Heart within and Uod o'erhead.
Lives of great men all remind ns
We can make our lives sublime;
And, departing leave behind us
Foot-prints on the sands of time,
Foot-prints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemen main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall tako heart again.
Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate ;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.
THE BEAUTIES OF BIBLE LAN
GUAGE.
If we need higher illustrations not only
of the power of natural objects to adorn
language and gratify taste, but proof that
here we find the highest conceivable beau
ty, we would appeal at once to the Bible.—
Those most opposed to its teachings have
acknowledged the beauty of its language,
and this is due mainly to the exquisite use
of natural objects for illustration. It docs
iudeed draw from evory field. But when
the emotional nature was to be appealed
to, the reference was at once to natural
objects, and throughout all its books, the
stars, and flowers and gems, are prominent
as illustrations of the beauties of religion
and the glories of the church.
"The wilderness and the solitary places
shall be glad for them, and the desert
shall rejoice and blossom as the rose*"
"The mountains and the hills shall break
forth before you into singing, and all the
trccsof the field shall clap their hands.
Instead of the thorn shall come up the lire
tree, and instead of the briar shall come up
the myrtle tree."
The power and beauty of the same ob
jects appear in the Savior's teachings.
The fig and the olive, the sparrow and the
lilly of the field, give peculiar force and
beauty to the great truthsjtbey were used to
illustrate.
The Bible throughout is remarkable in
this respect. It is a collection of books
written by authors far removed from each
other in time, and place, and mental cul
ture, but throughout the whole nature is
exalted as a revelation of God. Its beauty
and sublimity are appealed to, to arouse
the emotions to reach the moial and iclig
ious nature. This clement ot unity runs
through all the books where references to
nature can be made. < )ne of the adaptions
of the Bible to the nature of man is found
in the sublime and perfect representation
of the natural world, by which nature is ev
er made to proclaim the character and per
fection of God. No language can be writ
ten that so perfectly sets forth the grand
and terrible in nature and its forces, as we
hear when God answers Job out of the
whirlwind. No higher appreciation of the
beautiful, and of God as the author of beau
ty, was ever exposed than when our Sav
ior said of the hllies of the field, "I say un
to you that even Solomon, in all his glory
was not arrayed like one of theseand
adds, "If God so clothe the grass of the
field''—ascribing the element of beauty in
every leaf and opening bud to the Creator's
skill aud power.
I&r About ninety one years ago a Dem
ocratic convention met at Philadelphia,and
they laid down a platform which they cal
led,
The Declaration of Independence.
and resolved to fight it out ou that line if
it took all the summer.
The Declaration is ratber out of date
now—it was superseded by the Black Re
publican platform of 1860,
Still it contains some good things, and
is worth reading along with the
Reconstruction act and the proceedings of
the Rump Junta.
It says all men are born free and equal.
This was supposed for a long time to
mean whitemcn ; but it has lately been
discoveerd to be a mistake it meant negroes-
Our ancestors made a good many mis
takes—they were not so wise in their gen
eration as we are.
The Declaration is a very severe on
George the third.
It calls George a good many hard names
and accuses him of imposing internal reve
nue taxes, tariff on tea, setting up military
authority, and vaiious games of that sort,
which our ancestors weren't used to, and
would'nt stand. .
George was an old lunk head.
He didn't know how to manage these
things.
Instead of setting up the divine right of
kings he should have called it the "moral
idea," proclaimed himself a champion of
freedom, like old Thad. Stevens, and de
nounced Washington, Franklin & Co., as
| Copperheads.— Corry Q\Lanus.
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
LOVED AND LOST.
Loved and lost! 'Tis a wail that is go
ing up daily, aje hourly, "unto Ilira that
sits on the great white throne," from be
rt-aved hearts, heavy with their burden
of sorrow, too grievous for human hearts
to bear.
Loved and lost! From your heart, oh,
stricken widow, as you stand by the cold
form of your once strong protector, goes
up that bitter cry. He who ever shield
ed you with his protecting arm—whose
tender voice never addressed you save in
love, he who ever stood between you and
the great cold world, breasting all its
storms and cares with his own manly bo
som, that they harmed you not, is gone
forever; and you kneeling beside his life
less remains, with yonr fatherless children
clinging around you, realize more and
more your utter helplessness and the great
loss yon have sustained, while your pale
lips burst the mournful cry, "Loved and
lost!"
And vou, too, mourning hnsband who
have laid your fair girl wife asleep in tho
embrace of mother earth. She went from
you ere yet her bloom faded, with the tiny
!>abe (her child and yours) that but opened
his eyes on earth to close them in death—
clasped close to her girlish bosom, mother
and child, rose and bud, are sleeping to
gether under one coffin lid; one grave
holds them both now, while your house
has grown strangely desolate since she,
whose light footstep ever sprang to wel
come your return to tho house which she
presided over like a <jueen —has gone from
it to her last earthly home.
The grave is not so lonclv in your
eyes since she is among its silent inhabit
ants. You go to her lonely grave and
kneel beside it, and while you water with
your tears the lillies (fit emblems of her
purity) that bloom over the grassy mound
that holds all you held dear on earth, you
feci the full significance of those dreary
words, "Loved and lost!"
Loved and lost! On your bowed head,
oh, aged mother! you who gave your on
ly son and stay in your old age, unto your
countrv; on yonr head these words rest
'ike s funeral pall. You read his name
among the list of the dead who fell on the
battle field, and the terrible truth that you
were now childless, came home to your
heart with crushing truth, you too echoed
the bitter wail going up from so many
hearts, "Loved and lost!"
Loved and lost! Who that has arrived
at years of discretion has not echoed these
sad, sad words, that tell plainer the great
est flood of tears, of hopes crushed and
bruised beneath the coffin-lid—of broken
hearts and blasted lives gone foievermore.
Loved and lost! Since the terrible flood
of war rolled over our dear land, we have
learned the full meaning of those bitter
words, "Loved and lost!" All over the
land there is mourning; mothers for their
sons are weeping ; wives for husbands,
children for fathers ; maidens for lovers.
Loved and lost. The same cry that
went up from Israel's plain centuries ago,
is b 1 ing echoed and re-echoed throughout
the world. For, from the rising of the
snn till its setting, death is ever abroad ;
busily gathering up bis harvest; and not
until all things shad end will that weary
cry cease. Then all shall meet in the
Spiiil Laud, the loved and lost shall be
found !
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE QUESTION
—HOW A YOUNG MAN GOES TO
BED.
Having already told our readers how a
"beautiful and accomplished young lady
retires to pleasant dreams," we copy from
the Indianapolis Herald the following "pen
picture," representing the other side of the
question:
A few days ago we published an extract
from a story in the "Land we Love," writ
ten by Miss Fannie Downing. It was en
titled, ' llow a young lady goes to bed,"
and although not an entire stranger to a
lady's boudoir, we cannot assure the less
enlightened of our sex of the fidelity or
truthfulness of MissjFannies sketch. Doubt
less it afforded great satisfaction to the
majority of male readers ; it did to us, we
know, and as a slight return we intend to
disclose to her sex the manner in which a
young man goes to bed, and shall cite as
an example one of our own acquaintances.-
For convenience we adopt the same style
in which the other is written, and use the
past tense.
Dismissing his fuddled companion of the
evening at the street door, Master George
peiforraed the task of ascending the two
flights of stairs leading to his own room,as
noiselessly as the weakness of his knees
would admit, and without other assistance
than that of his own unsteady fingers gtasp
ing along the walls. Upon reaching the
room the coat was removed and flung at
the back of the nearest chair ; the vest
was handled more carefully, as the pocket
contained his watch, but the pantloons
came off with a jerk.
After filling and lighting his pipe he
proceeded with the preliminaries. Some
recent purchases were taken from a coat
pocket and part placed upon the mantle and
the balance stowed away in the trunk to
be used as circumstances might require.—
With much tugging growling and swearing
the boots were removed, and the last one
being unusually troublesome received an
impetus from the foot that sent it flying to
the furthermost corner. Removing then a
pair of socks (that should have been in the
washerwoman's tub) an earnest and pro
tracted inspection of the feet ensued, the
young man indulging in speculations as to
to whether or no those blasted corns would
prevent his appearing in "them new boots"
at that 41 little gatheriug to-morrow night.
The delicate paper colar (size immaterial)
was hastily torn off and being soiled on
both sides from turning, was disdainfully
tossed toward the fire place, and the neck
tie flung on the foot of the bed.
The usual slow progres of removing the
shirt was ignored on this occasion ; sever
al impatient jorks, and then with a sudden
stretch upward with the bony arms, off
went buttons up went muslin, and the an
gular shoulders of the wearer rose in unre
stricted freedom. The "snowy" night
shirt was then drawn over the head and its
delicate —cotton tape binding and graceful
folds of brown cotton flannel left to accom
modate themselves to circumstances, "A
puff of fragrant breath" redolent ot bad gin
and lemon from a pair of tobacco stained
lips, and out went the light, aud down
went the pipe on the table, Not being so
fortunate as to have any "Sallie" for a
room mate, and the household domestics
being aged and discrete he did not leave
the door unbolted, but with a growl at the
bacheloric sol itude of his conch, jerked
down the "kiver," plunged within, and af
ter several moments of twiching, turning
and grumbling, settled on bis back and a
fierce attack of snoring ensued, which clos
es the scene.
Imagine such a domestic existence as
this linked to the etheral, dainted and re
fined "Miss Preston." Enjoy your little
maidenly privileges and arrangements
while you can, "Miss Charlie," for we fear
that a variety of circumstances in wedded
life would ruthlessly interfere with the
systematic course ascribed you in preparing
for a night's rest.
A LADY MASON.
It is a principle of the Masonic Order
that women can not be admitted as mem
bers. The only exception to the practice
of this principle was in the admission of
Lady Aid worth, of England, In an ad
dress, delivered some years ago Bro. Payne
thus alludes to the ladies, and the manner
in which Lady Aldworth was made a Ma
son :
But ladies, whatever might be our feel
ings or desires with regard to your admis
sion, there is one single word that pre
vents it. And the ladies best know the
withing, blighting influence of that little
word— CAX'L We simply can't do it.—
0..r land-marks are not so arranged, and
although we are the only losers, wo must
submit.
But let me let you into a little secret -
While we cannot admit you, perhaps you
can admit yourselves. Try it. Our ty
lers are hut men. Once in, perhaps you
are safe. There was once a female Ma
son, and here is her portrait, (showing the
portrait of Hon. Mrs. Aldsworth, of Eng
land, in Masonic Regalia) Eliza St. Leger,
afterwards Laldv Aldworth, of England,
was conducted through the awful and mys
terious ceremonies of Masonry. Young
and beautiful, yet with that fortitude for
which her sex is remarkable, she passed
with intrepidity through those trials which
arc sometimes more than enough for mas
culine resolution, and constituted a mem
ber that reflected a lustre on the
annals of Masonry. Her father, Lord Don
eraii, by viitue of warrant No. 150, oc
casionally opened Lodge at his own house,
his son; and intimate friends in the neigh
borhood assisting. Upon one occasion,
she innocently hid herself in the tapestry
of the room used for lodge purposes, and
actually witnessed the successive steps of
initiation. But towards the conclusion,
fear took possession of her mind, and.
brethren, if at that point the stoutest hearts
quail in the lodge room, what must have
been the feelings of that young girl when
unlawfully beholding the ceremony!—
With light but trembling steps and almost
suspended breath she glided along, unob
served by tbe members of the lodge who
were bnsily occupied with their woik. —
But horror of horrors ! before her stood a
grim and surly Tyler, with his long rnsty
srnord. Her shrieks alarmed the lodge, ]
who all rushed to the door, and learned
that she had been in the room during the
whole ceremony. Here was a case setting
at defiance all precedent. A consultation
was held, and she was made a Mason.—
She often presided as W. M. of her lodge,
and esteemed it an honor to move in Mat
sonic processions, on which occacions i
was her custom to precede her lodge in an
open phaeton.
The "Fat Contribator" writes from Jack
son to the Cincinnati Times of a joke play
ed on some delegates to the Good Templar's
Convention held there recently. They got
into an omnibus at the depot, and told the
driver to drive them to a temperance house.
"All right," said he, and away he drove,
lie gave them a pretty long ride, and haul
ed up finally in front of art immense stone
structure, surrounded by a high wall.--
44 What hotel is this?" inquired a delegate,
4 eyeing the premises in a bewildered man
ner. Michigan State Prison," said the
driver, "the only temperance house in Jack
son !" They concluded not to put up there ;
not if they could help it.
ALAS ! How TRUE.—There it more
truth than poetry in the following para
graph, which we clip from an exchange, on
the inconsistency of charity sermons from
ministers who draw large salaries and man
age in some manner—certainly not in ex
ercising Cbrist-liko charity—to get rich in
a few years. The charity of some of some
of our clergymen is all precept and no
practice:
" It don't look well, it don't sound well,
and it is not well for a #5,000 a year preach,
er who lives in a brown 6tone front and in
dulges in luxuries every day, to preach
self-denial to a poor man, or to beg from
poor little children to send to the hoathea."
HUNTING WITH THE LASSO.
Tlie following amusing adventure from
Col. Marcy's "Thirty Years of Army Life
on the border
A naval officer many years ago made
the experiment of hunting with the lasso,
but his success was by no means decisive.
The officers had, it appeared, by constant
practice upon the ship, while making the
long and tiresome voyage round the Horn,
acquired very considerable proficiency in
the use of the lasso, and was able, at twen
ty or thirty paces to throw the noose over
the head of the negro cook at almost every
cast, So confident had he become in his
skill, that, upon his arrival upon the coast
of Southern California, he employed a
guide and mounted upon a well-trained
horse, with his lasso properly coiled and
ready for use, he one morning set out for
the mountains, with the firm resolve of
bagging a few grizzles before night.
He had not been out a great while be
fore he encountered one of the largest
specimens of the mighty beast, whose ter
rific aspect amazed him not a little; but,
as he had come out with" a firm determi
nation to capture a grizzly, in direct oppo
sition to the advice of his guide, he re
solved to show that be was equal to the
occasion. Accordingly he seized his lasso,
and riding up near the animal, gave it sev
eral rapid whirls above his bead in the
most artistic manner, and sent the noose
directly around the bear's neck at the very
first cast; but the animal instead of taking
to his heels and endeavoring to run away,
as he had anticipated, very deliberately
sat upon his haunches, facing his adversa
ry, and commenced making a very care
ful examination of the rope. He turned
his head from one side to the other in
looking at it; be felt it with his paws, and
scrutinized it veryj closely, as if it was
something he could not comprehend.
In the meantime the officer had turned
his horse in the opposite direction, and
commenced applying the rowels to his sides
most vigorously, with the confident expec
tation that he was to choke the bear to
dcatb, and drag bim off in triumph ; but,
to his astonishment the horse, with his ut
most efforts, did not seem to advance. —
The great strain upon the lasso, however,
began'te choke the bear so much that he
soon became enraged, and gave the rope
several slaps, first with one paw and then
with the other, as this did not relieve him,
he seized the lasso with both paws, ani
commenced pulling it hand over hand, or
rather paw over paw, and bringing with it
the horse and rider that were attached to
the opposite extremity. Tke officer re
doubled the application of both whip a.id
spurs ; but it was all of DO avail—be bad
evidently "caught a Tartar;''aud in spite
of all the efforts of his horse, he recoiled
rather than advanced.
In this intensely exciting and critical
juncture he cast a hasty glance at the bear
and to his horror, found himself steadily
backing towards the frightful monster, who
sat up with his eyes glariog like balls of fire
his huge mouth wide open and frothing
with rage, and sending forth the most ter
rific and deep-toned roars, He now, for
the first time, felt seriously alarmed, and
cried out vociferously for his guide to come
to his rescus. The latter responded,
promptly rode up, cut the lasso, and ex
tracted the araatuer gentleman from bis
perilous porition. He was much rejoiced
at his escape, and in reply to the inquiry of
the guide, as to whether he desired to con
tinue the hunt, he said it was so late that
he believed he would capture no more griz
zles that day.
INTRODUCTION OP TOMATOES.—In rela
tion to this valuable, healthy, and indispen
sable vegatable, we see it stated, that dnr
sDg the autumn of 1818 a sea captain, pay
ing a visit to a friend in the interior of this
State, found in a garden a lot of tomatoes,
then denominated "love applet," and not
used for food because they were supposed
to be poisonous. The captain, however,
averred the contrary and soon produced a
dish which lie denominated a Catalonian
Salad, It was found to be very palatable,
and thereafter the tomato became a favo
rite, its reputation spreading rapidly over
the country.
At a recent wedding in Detroit, the
bridegroom was called on for a song. He
cheerfully promised to comply, and said
he woald give his friends a new version of
"Hunkadori." On taking the paper from
• his vest pocket, it proved to be —not a slip
from a newspaper, as he had calculated, but
a greenback which he bad intended for the
clergyman's fee. Imagine the bridegroom's
consternation at the trick he bad unwit
tingly played on the clergyman ; and imag
ine also the indignant surprise of the later
when he found only a new version of "Hun
kadori," when he wanted some money for
marketing next day! It is a well-known
rule of etiquette for the marriage fee to be
given and received quietly without exam
ination- .
fg* Who, having lost a mother by
death cannot appreciate the following beau
tiful sentiment, which we find floating
about on the vast sea of newspaperdom :
The Memory 0/ a MUher. —When tempt
ations assail you, and when you are almost
persuaded to do wrong, how often a dear
mother's word of warning will call to mind
vows that are rately broken ! Yes, the
memory of a mother has saved many a
poor wretch from going astray. Tall grass
may be grown over the the hallowed spot
where her earthly remains repose ; the dy
ing leaves of autumn may be whirled over
them, or the white mantle of winter may
cover them from sight; yet her spirit ap
pears when he walks in the light path, and
gently, softly, mournfully calls for him
when wandering off into the ways of error.
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance.
Pise anti pjjerfee.
YE LOVERS
They were sitting side by side,
And she sighed and then he siged 1
Said be, "my darling idol,"
Aod he idled and then she idled ;
" You are creation's belle."
And she bellowed and then he bellowed ;
" On my soul there's such a weight;
And he waited and then she waited,,
" Your hand I ask, so bold I've grown,"
And she groaned and then he groaned ;
" Yon shall have a private gig,"
And she giggled and then he giggled ;
Said she, „my drarest Luke,"
And he looked and then she looked :
" Shan't we," and they shantied ;
,: l'll have thee if thou wilt,"
And he wilted and then she wilted.
A western editor has placed over his mar
riages a cut representing a large trap, sprung
with this motto—''The trap down—another
ninnyhammer caught!"
A teacher in Springfield, Massachusetts
while conducting an examination, asked*
among other questions, the following : "Why
>s the pronoun 'she' applied to a ship." To
which one of the boys rendered tbe following
answer: "Because the rigging costs mora
than the hull."
- >
A wag of a boarder complained to the mis
tress that.tbe sun must have gone under a
cloud, when the shadow of the chicxen fell in
to the pot where her brooth was made.
A cool specimen of humanity stepped into
a printing office out West to beg a paper,
''Because," sa'd he, "we like to read news
papers ve-y much, but our neighbors are too
stingy to take one."
A poet intended to say, „See the pale mar
tyr in a ahcet of fire," instead of which the
printer made him say. , 4 see the pale martyr
with his shirt on fire.',
From what tree was mother Eve prompted
to pick the apple 1 Devil-tree.
Jones has been telling Robinson (a poor
victim of fashion) one of his splitting stories
Robinson—"Ya'as— it s very funny 1" J ones
—"Then why the deuce don't you laugh
Robinson—"My doar fellah, I would with
pleasure, but I darn't display any ctnotioo—
these trowscrß are so tremendously tight!"
The young ladies of Pensacola, Florida have
organized a base ball ciub. One of the rules
is, that whenever any member gets tangled in
hor steel wire and she falls she is to be
immediately expelled from the club.
Smythe spent two whole days and nights
in considering an answer to the conundrum
'Why is an egg underdone like one overdone?'
He would suffer DO one to tell him, and at
last hit upon the solution—because both
are hardly done.
jlkeMarval says a country house without a
porch is like a m&n without an eyebrow.
In China the physician who kills a patient
has to support his family.
A sharp talking lady was reproved her
husband, who requested her to keep bur
tongue in her mouth, "My dear," responded
the wife, "it is against tbe law to carry con
cealed weapona."
Never chew your words. Open the
mouth and let the voice come out' A stu
dent once asked, '• Can virchue, fortichude,
graticbude, or quietchude, dwell with that
man who is a stranger to rectichude?"
The words here'are badly chude.
A mad princess of the house of Bourbon
on being asked why the reign of queens were
in general more prosperous than the reign of
kings, replied : "Because, under kings
women govern ; under queens, men,"
Hearts, the best card in the chance game
of matrimony ; sometimes overcome by dia
monds and knaves , often won by tricks,
and occasionally treated in a shufling manner
and then cut altogether.
An industrious blacksmith and an idle
dandy once courted a pretty girl, who hesita
ted which to take. Finally she said she
would marry whichever of them conld show
the whitest hand. With a sneer at the
Blacksmith the dandy held out his palms,
white from idleness. The poor blacksmith
hid his brawny hands in his pockets ; then
drawing them forth full of bright silver coins,
he spread them over his dusky finger. The
girl decided that his hands were whitest.
_ '
A late writer wishes to know what more
precious offering can be laid upon the altar
of a gentleman's heart than the first love of
a pure, earnest and affectionate girl, with an
undivided interest in eight cornea lota and
fourteen throe story houses 7 We give it up-
We know of nothing half so touching, or,
in other words, anythirg that most people
would sooner "touch."
The New York religious call each other
"lying rascals," "dvaeon •edgings," "crotche- >
ty heretics," and "squirts."
NO. t