Wyoming democrat. (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, August 14, 1867, Image 1
ttpmiiQ Bmorrot. HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher. VOL VII. fDpmiug pfinflcrat, A Democratic weekly ) paper, devoted to Poll yJfW\ art tics News, the Arts t. B nd Sciences Ac. Pub- 7KB day, at Tunkhannock Wyoming County,Pa Ny wt * )3 tin W —-y BY HARVEY SICKLER. Terms —l copy 1 year, (in advance) $'2,00 ;if dot paid within six months, $2.50 will be charged NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, unt'.l all ar ranges are paid; unless at the option of publisher. RATES OF ADVERTISING. TH LIXEB COSSTITfTE A SQPARB. One square one or three insertions $' 50. Every subsequent iosertion less than 9 50 ItxAt. ESTATE, PBBSOSAL PROPERTT, and GKXERAL ADTEBTISIKG, as may be agreed upon, FATEXT MEMCIKES and other advertisements oy the column : One column, 1 year, SOO Half column, 1 year 35 Third column, 1 year, 25 Fourth column, 1 year, 20 Business Cards of one square or less, per year, with paper, SB. J3?" EDITORI AL or LOCAL ITEM advertising—with out Advertisement —15 cts. per line. Liberal terms made with permanent advertisers. EXECUTORS, ADMINISTRATORS and AUDI TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, $2,50 OBITUARIES,- exceeding ten lines, each ; RELI GlOUSand LITERARY NOTICES, not ofgeuera' interest, one half tne regular rates. Advertisement!- must be banded in by TUBS DAT Noon, to insure insertion the same week. JOB WORK of all kind! neatly executed, and at prices to suit the times. All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB WORK must be paid for, when ordered RR. &, W'. E LITTLE, ATTORN EYS AT LAW Office on Tioga Street Tunkhannock Pa WIW. M. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW Of flee in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk nannock, Pa. H S.COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON • Newton Centre, Luierno County Pa. OL, PARRISH, ATTORNEY AT LAW • Offi-e at the Court House, in Tunkhannock Wyoming Co. Pa. vTT RIIOADS, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON • will attend promptly to all calls in his pro fession. May be found at bis Office at the Drug Store, or at his residence on Putman Sreet, formerly occupied by A. K. Peckham Esq. DENTISTRY. DR. L T. BURNS has permanently located in Tunkhannock Borough, and respectfully tenders his professional services to its citizens Office on second floor, formerfy occupied by Dr. Oilman. vGn3otf. PORTRAIT, UfIOS€AY& • AND OHSF&MEIST&I; X 3 .A.T JSTTiaNTO, 'Jiy W. HUG Eli, Artist. Rooms over the Wyoming National bank,in Stark's Brick Block, TUNKHANNOCK, PA. Life-size Portraits painted from Auihrotypes or I'botogruphs—Photograj.hs Painted in Oil Colors All orders for paint ings executed according to or der, or no charge made. RT Instructions given in Drawing, Sketching, 1 Portrait and Landscape Painting,*in Oil or water Colors, and in all branches of the art, Tunk., July 31, '67 -vgnso-tf. NEW TAILORING SHOP Yba Subscriber having had a sixteen year* pmc tleal experience in catting and making clothing now offers his services in this line to the citixens of ■ICBOL.SO* and vicinity. Those wishing to get Fits will find his shop the place to get them. JOEL, R, SMITH -cSO-6moß BOLTON HOUSE." HARRISHURG, PKNNA. The undersigned having lately purchased the •' BT'EHLER HOUSE " property, has already com menced such alterations and improvements as will render this old and popular House equal, if not supe rior, to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg. A continuance of the public patronage is refpect fully solicited. GEO. J. BOLTON* "WALL'S HOTEL, LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/ fUSKHAXXOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. THIS establishment has recently been refitted an furnished in the latest style. Every attention Will be given to the comfort and convenience of those who patronize the Tlou*e. T. B/WALL, Owner and Proprietor : Tunkhancock, September 11, 1861. NORTH BRANCH HOTEL, MKSHOPPEN, WYOMING COUNTY, PA. Wm. H. CORTRIGHT, Prop'r HAVING resumed the proprietorship of the above Hotel, the undersigned will spare no _ efforts tender the house an agreeable place of sojourn to *ll who may favor it with their custom. Win. H. CORTRIGHT. fune, 3rd, 1863 MEANS'HOTEL." TOWANDA, PA. F. P- BARTLET, (Late eftae BBBAIXARD Hocus, ELMIKA, N. Y. PROPRIETOR. The MEANS HOTEL, is one of the LARGEST and BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country —It is fitted up in the most modern and improved style, and no pains are spared to make it a pleasant and agreaablo stopping-place for all, v?,a2l,ljr. mmi & Miimin eras A LARGE STOCK. OF SPKING GOODS, JUST RECEIVED AND For Sale f///-•.//*. ALL KINDS OF Produce TAKEN IN EXCHANGE FOR GOODS AT BUNNELL 6i BANNATYNE'S TunkhannocJe, Pa. snll. TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. •• WEDNESDAY, AUG. 14,1867. LONGFELLOW'S PSALM OF LIFE. Tell me not in mournful number*, "Life is but an empty dream !" For the foul is dead that (lumbers, And things are not what they seem. Lifers real! Life U earnest! And the grave is not its goal; "Dust thou art, to dust returneth," Was not spoken of the soul. Not enjoyment, and not sorrow, Is our destined end or way ; But to act that each to-morrow Find us farther than to-day, Life is short and timo is fleeting, And our hearts tho' stout and brave Still like muffled drums aro beating, Funeral marches to tho grave. In the world's broad field of battle In the bivouac of Life, Be not like dumb driven cattle ! Be a hero in the strife. Trust r,o Future, howe'er pleasant; Let the dead past bury its dead, Act, act in the living Present, Heart within and Uod o'erhead. Lives of great men all remind ns We can make our lives sublime; And, departing leave behind us Foot-prints on the sands of time, Foot-prints, that perhaps another, Sailing o'er life's solemen main, A forlorn and shipwrecked brother, Seeing, shall tako heart again. Let us, then, be up and doing, With a heart for any fate ; Still achieving, still pursuing, Learn to labor and to wait. THE BEAUTIES OF BIBLE LAN GUAGE. If we need higher illustrations not only of the power of natural objects to adorn language and gratify taste, but proof that here we find the highest conceivable beau ty, we would appeal at once to the Bible.— Those most opposed to its teachings have acknowledged the beauty of its language, and this is due mainly to the exquisite use of natural objects for illustration. It docs iudeed draw from evory field. But when the emotional nature was to be appealed to, the reference was at once to natural objects, and throughout all its books, the stars, and flowers and gems, are prominent as illustrations of the beauties of religion and the glories of the church. "The wilderness and the solitary places shall be glad for them, and the desert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose*" "The mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trccsof the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the lire tree, and instead of the briar shall come up the myrtle tree." The power and beauty of the same ob jects appear in the Savior's teachings. The fig and the olive, the sparrow and the lilly of the field, give peculiar force and beauty to the great truthsjtbey were used to illustrate. The Bible throughout is remarkable in this respect. It is a collection of books written by authors far removed from each other in time, and place, and mental cul ture, but throughout the whole nature is exalted as a revelation of God. Its beauty and sublimity are appealed to, to arouse the emotions to reach the moial and iclig ious nature. This clement ot unity runs through all the books where references to nature can be made. < )ne of the adaptions of the Bible to the nature of man is found in the sublime and perfect representation of the natural world, by which nature is ev er made to proclaim the character and per fection of God. No language can be writ ten that so perfectly sets forth the grand and terrible in nature and its forces, as we hear when God answers Job out of the whirlwind. No higher appreciation of the beautiful, and of God as the author of beau ty, was ever exposed than when our Sav ior said of the hllies of the field, "I say un to you that even Solomon, in all his glory was not arrayed like one of theseand adds, "If God so clothe the grass of the field''—ascribing the element of beauty in every leaf and opening bud to the Creator's skill aud power. I&r About ninety one years ago a Dem ocratic convention met at Philadelphia,and they laid down a platform which they cal led, The Declaration of Independence. and resolved to fight it out ou that line if it took all the summer. The Declaration is ratber out of date now—it was superseded by the Black Re publican platform of 1860, Still it contains some good things, and is worth reading along with the Reconstruction act and the proceedings of the Rump Junta. It says all men are born free and equal. This was supposed for a long time to mean whitemcn ; but it has lately been discoveerd to be a mistake it meant negroes- Our ancestors made a good many mis takes—they were not so wise in their gen eration as we are. The Declaration is a very severe on George the third. It calls George a good many hard names and accuses him of imposing internal reve nue taxes, tariff on tea, setting up military authority, and vaiious games of that sort, which our ancestors weren't used to, and would'nt stand. . George was an old lunk head. He didn't know how to manage these things. Instead of setting up the divine right of kings he should have called it the "moral idea," proclaimed himself a champion of freedom, like old Thad. Stevens, and de nounced Washington, Franklin & Co., as | Copperheads.— Corry Q\Lanus. " To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. " LOVED AND LOST. Loved and lost! 'Tis a wail that is go ing up daily, aje hourly, "unto Ilira that sits on the great white throne," from be rt-aved hearts, heavy with their burden of sorrow, too grievous for human hearts to bear. Loved and lost! From your heart, oh, stricken widow, as you stand by the cold form of your once strong protector, goes up that bitter cry. He who ever shield ed you with his protecting arm—whose tender voice never addressed you save in love, he who ever stood between you and the great cold world, breasting all its storms and cares with his own manly bo som, that they harmed you not, is gone forever; and you kneeling beside his life less remains, with yonr fatherless children clinging around you, realize more and more your utter helplessness and the great loss yon have sustained, while your pale lips burst the mournful cry, "Loved and lost!" And vou, too, mourning hnsband who have laid your fair girl wife asleep in tho embrace of mother earth. She went from you ere yet her bloom faded, with the tiny !>abe (her child and yours) that but opened his eyes on earth to close them in death— clasped close to her girlish bosom, mother and child, rose and bud, are sleeping to gether under one coffin lid; one grave holds them both now, while your house has grown strangely desolate since she, whose light footstep ever sprang to wel come your return to tho house which she presided over like a <jueen —has gone from it to her last earthly home. The grave is not so lonclv in your eyes since she is among its silent inhabit ants. You go to her lonely grave and kneel beside it, and while you water with your tears the lillies (fit emblems of her purity) that bloom over the grassy mound that holds all you held dear on earth, you feci the full significance of those dreary words, "Loved and lost!" Loved and lost! On your bowed head, oh, aged mother! you who gave your on ly son and stay in your old age, unto your countrv; on yonr head these words rest 'ike s funeral pall. You read his name among the list of the dead who fell on the battle field, and the terrible truth that you were now childless, came home to your heart with crushing truth, you too echoed the bitter wail going up from so many hearts, "Loved and lost!" Loved and lost! Who that has arrived at years of discretion has not echoed these sad, sad words, that tell plainer the great est flood of tears, of hopes crushed and bruised beneath the coffin-lid—of broken hearts and blasted lives gone foievermore. Loved and lost! Since the terrible flood of war rolled over our dear land, we have learned the full meaning of those bitter words, "Loved and lost!" All over the land there is mourning; mothers for their sons are weeping ; wives for husbands, children for fathers ; maidens for lovers. Loved and lost. The same cry that went up from Israel's plain centuries ago, is b 1 ing echoed and re-echoed throughout the world. For, from the rising of the snn till its setting, death is ever abroad ; busily gathering up bis harvest; and not until all things shad end will that weary cry cease. Then all shall meet in the Spiiil Laud, the loved and lost shall be found ! THE OTHER SIDE OF THE QUESTION —HOW A YOUNG MAN GOES TO BED. Having already told our readers how a "beautiful and accomplished young lady retires to pleasant dreams," we copy from the Indianapolis Herald the following "pen picture," representing the other side of the question: A few days ago we published an extract from a story in the "Land we Love," writ ten by Miss Fannie Downing. It was en titled, ' llow a young lady goes to bed," and although not an entire stranger to a lady's boudoir, we cannot assure the less enlightened of our sex of the fidelity or truthfulness of MissjFannies sketch. Doubt less it afforded great satisfaction to the majority of male readers ; it did to us, we know, and as a slight return we intend to disclose to her sex the manner in which a young man goes to bed, and shall cite as an example one of our own acquaintances.- For convenience we adopt the same style in which the other is written, and use the past tense. Dismissing his fuddled companion of the evening at the street door, Master George peiforraed the task of ascending the two flights of stairs leading to his own room,as noiselessly as the weakness of his knees would admit, and without other assistance than that of his own unsteady fingers gtasp ing along the walls. Upon reaching the room the coat was removed and flung at the back of the nearest chair ; the vest was handled more carefully, as the pocket contained his watch, but the pantloons came off with a jerk. After filling and lighting his pipe he proceeded with the preliminaries. Some recent purchases were taken from a coat pocket and part placed upon the mantle and the balance stowed away in the trunk to be used as circumstances might require.— With much tugging growling and swearing the boots were removed, and the last one being unusually troublesome received an impetus from the foot that sent it flying to the furthermost corner. Removing then a pair of socks (that should have been in the washerwoman's tub) an earnest and pro tracted inspection of the feet ensued, the young man indulging in speculations as to to whether or no those blasted corns would prevent his appearing in "them new boots" at that 41 little gatheriug to-morrow night. The delicate paper colar (size immaterial) was hastily torn off and being soiled on both sides from turning, was disdainfully tossed toward the fire place, and the neck tie flung on the foot of the bed. The usual slow progres of removing the shirt was ignored on this occasion ; sever al impatient jorks, and then with a sudden stretch upward with the bony arms, off went buttons up went muslin, and the an gular shoulders of the wearer rose in unre stricted freedom. The "snowy" night shirt was then drawn over the head and its delicate —cotton tape binding and graceful folds of brown cotton flannel left to accom modate themselves to circumstances, "A puff of fragrant breath" redolent ot bad gin and lemon from a pair of tobacco stained lips, and out went the light, aud down went the pipe on the table, Not being so fortunate as to have any "Sallie" for a room mate, and the household domestics being aged and discrete he did not leave the door unbolted, but with a growl at the bacheloric sol itude of his conch, jerked down the "kiver," plunged within, and af ter several moments of twiching, turning and grumbling, settled on bis back and a fierce attack of snoring ensued, which clos es the scene. Imagine such a domestic existence as this linked to the etheral, dainted and re fined "Miss Preston." Enjoy your little maidenly privileges and arrangements while you can, "Miss Charlie," for we fear that a variety of circumstances in wedded life would ruthlessly interfere with the systematic course ascribed you in preparing for a night's rest. A LADY MASON. It is a principle of the Masonic Order that women can not be admitted as mem bers. The only exception to the practice of this principle was in the admission of Lady Aid worth, of England, In an ad dress, delivered some years ago Bro. Payne thus alludes to the ladies, and the manner in which Lady Aldworth was made a Ma son : But ladies, whatever might be our feel ings or desires with regard to your admis sion, there is one single word that pre vents it. And the ladies best know the withing, blighting influence of that little word— CAX'L We simply can't do it.— 0..r land-marks are not so arranged, and although we are the only losers, wo must submit. But let me let you into a little secret - While we cannot admit you, perhaps you can admit yourselves. Try it. Our ty lers are hut men. Once in, perhaps you are safe. There was once a female Ma son, and here is her portrait, (showing the portrait of Hon. Mrs. Aldsworth, of Eng land, in Masonic Regalia) Eliza St. Leger, afterwards Laldv Aldworth, of England, was conducted through the awful and mys terious ceremonies of Masonry. Young and beautiful, yet with that fortitude for which her sex is remarkable, she passed with intrepidity through those trials which arc sometimes more than enough for mas culine resolution, and constituted a mem ber that reflected a lustre on the annals of Masonry. Her father, Lord Don eraii, by viitue of warrant No. 150, oc casionally opened Lodge at his own house, his son; and intimate friends in the neigh borhood assisting. Upon one occasion, she innocently hid herself in the tapestry of the room used for lodge purposes, and actually witnessed the successive steps of initiation. But towards the conclusion, fear took possession of her mind, and. brethren, if at that point the stoutest hearts quail in the lodge room, what must have been the feelings of that young girl when unlawfully beholding the ceremony!— With light but trembling steps and almost suspended breath she glided along, unob served by tbe members of the lodge who were bnsily occupied with their woik. — But horror of horrors ! before her stood a grim and surly Tyler, with his long rnsty srnord. Her shrieks alarmed the lodge, ] who all rushed to the door, and learned that she had been in the room during the whole ceremony. Here was a case setting at defiance all precedent. A consultation was held, and she was made a Mason.— She often presided as W. M. of her lodge, and esteemed it an honor to move in Mat sonic processions, on which occacions i was her custom to precede her lodge in an open phaeton. The "Fat Contribator" writes from Jack son to the Cincinnati Times of a joke play ed on some delegates to the Good Templar's Convention held there recently. They got into an omnibus at the depot, and told the driver to drive them to a temperance house. "All right," said he, and away he drove, lie gave them a pretty long ride, and haul ed up finally in front of art immense stone structure, surrounded by a high wall.-- 44 What hotel is this?" inquired a delegate, 4 eyeing the premises in a bewildered man ner. Michigan State Prison," said the driver, "the only temperance house in Jack son !" They concluded not to put up there ; not if they could help it. ALAS ! How TRUE.—There it more truth than poetry in the following para graph, which we clip from an exchange, on the inconsistency of charity sermons from ministers who draw large salaries and man age in some manner—certainly not in ex ercising Cbrist-liko charity—to get rich in a few years. The charity of some of some of our clergymen is all precept and no practice: " It don't look well, it don't sound well, and it is not well for a #5,000 a year preach, er who lives in a brown 6tone front and in dulges in luxuries every day, to preach self-denial to a poor man, or to beg from poor little children to send to the hoathea." HUNTING WITH THE LASSO. Tlie following amusing adventure from Col. Marcy's "Thirty Years of Army Life on the border A naval officer many years ago made the experiment of hunting with the lasso, but his success was by no means decisive. The officers had, it appeared, by constant practice upon the ship, while making the long and tiresome voyage round the Horn, acquired very considerable proficiency in the use of the lasso, and was able, at twen ty or thirty paces to throw the noose over the head of the negro cook at almost every cast, So confident had he become in his skill, that, upon his arrival upon the coast of Southern California, he employed a guide and mounted upon a well-trained horse, with his lasso properly coiled and ready for use, he one morning set out for the mountains, with the firm resolve of bagging a few grizzles before night. He had not been out a great while be fore he encountered one of the largest specimens of the mighty beast, whose ter rific aspect amazed him not a little; but, as he had come out with" a firm determi nation to capture a grizzly, in direct oppo sition to the advice of his guide, he re solved to show that be was equal to the occasion. Accordingly he seized his lasso, and riding up near the animal, gave it sev eral rapid whirls above his bead in the most artistic manner, and sent the noose directly around the bear's neck at the very first cast; but the animal instead of taking to his heels and endeavoring to run away, as he had anticipated, very deliberately sat upon his haunches, facing his adversa ry, and commenced making a very care ful examination of the rope. He turned his head from one side to the other in looking at it; be felt it with his paws, and scrutinized it veryj closely, as if it was something he could not comprehend. In the meantime the officer had turned his horse in the opposite direction, and commenced applying the rowels to his sides most vigorously, with the confident expec tation that he was to choke the bear to dcatb, and drag bim off in triumph ; but, to his astonishment the horse, with his ut most efforts, did not seem to advance. — The great strain upon the lasso, however, began'te choke the bear so much that he soon became enraged, and gave the rope several slaps, first with one paw and then with the other, as this did not relieve him, he seized the lasso with both paws, ani commenced pulling it hand over hand, or rather paw over paw, and bringing with it the horse and rider that were attached to the opposite extremity. Tke officer re doubled the application of both whip a.id spurs ; but it was all of DO avail—be bad evidently "caught a Tartar;''aud in spite of all the efforts of his horse, he recoiled rather than advanced. In this intensely exciting and critical juncture he cast a hasty glance at the bear and to his horror, found himself steadily backing towards the frightful monster, who sat up with his eyes glariog like balls of fire his huge mouth wide open and frothing with rage, and sending forth the most ter rific and deep-toned roars, He now, for the first time, felt seriously alarmed, and cried out vociferously for his guide to come to his rescus. The latter responded, promptly rode up, cut the lasso, and ex tracted the araatuer gentleman from bis perilous porition. He was much rejoiced at his escape, and in reply to the inquiry of the guide, as to whether he desired to con tinue the hunt, he said it was so late that he believed he would capture no more griz zles that day. INTRODUCTION OP TOMATOES.—In rela tion to this valuable, healthy, and indispen sable vegatable, we see it stated, that dnr sDg the autumn of 1818 a sea captain, pay ing a visit to a friend in the interior of this State, found in a garden a lot of tomatoes, then denominated "love applet," and not used for food because they were supposed to be poisonous. The captain, however, averred the contrary and soon produced a dish which lie denominated a Catalonian Salad, It was found to be very palatable, and thereafter the tomato became a favo rite, its reputation spreading rapidly over the country. At a recent wedding in Detroit, the bridegroom was called on for a song. He cheerfully promised to comply, and said he woald give his friends a new version of "Hunkadori." On taking the paper from • his vest pocket, it proved to be —not a slip from a newspaper, as he had calculated, but a greenback which he bad intended for the clergyman's fee. Imagine the bridegroom's consternation at the trick he bad unwit tingly played on the clergyman ; and imag ine also the indignant surprise of the later when he found only a new version of "Hun kadori," when he wanted some money for marketing next day! It is a well-known rule of etiquette for the marriage fee to be given and received quietly without exam ination- . fg* Who, having lost a mother by death cannot appreciate the following beau tiful sentiment, which we find floating about on the vast sea of newspaperdom : The Memory 0/ a MUher. —When tempt ations assail you, and when you are almost persuaded to do wrong, how often a dear mother's word of warning will call to mind vows that are rately broken ! Yes, the memory of a mother has saved many a poor wretch from going astray. Tall grass may be grown over the the hallowed spot where her earthly remains repose ; the dy ing leaves of autumn may be whirled over them, or the white mantle of winter may cover them from sight; yet her spirit ap pears when he walks in the light path, and gently, softly, mournfully calls for him when wandering off into the ways of error. TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance. Pise anti pjjerfee. YE LOVERS They were sitting side by side, And she sighed and then he siged 1 Said be, "my darling idol," Aod he idled and then she idled ; " You are creation's belle." And she bellowed and then he bellowed ; " On my soul there's such a weight; And he waited and then she waited,, " Your hand I ask, so bold I've grown," And she groaned and then he groaned ; " Yon shall have a private gig," And she giggled and then he giggled ; Said she, „my drarest Luke," And he looked and then she looked : " Shan't we," and they shantied ; ,: l'll have thee if thou wilt," And he wilted and then she wilted. A western editor has placed over his mar riages a cut representing a large trap, sprung with this motto—''The trap down—another ninnyhammer caught!" A teacher in Springfield, Massachusetts while conducting an examination, asked* among other questions, the following : "Why >s the pronoun 'she' applied to a ship." To which one of the boys rendered tbe following answer: "Because the rigging costs mora than the hull." - > A wag of a boarder complained to the mis tress that.tbe sun must have gone under a cloud, when the shadow of the chicxen fell in to the pot where her brooth was made. A cool specimen of humanity stepped into a printing office out West to beg a paper, ''Because," sa'd he, "we like to read news papers ve-y much, but our neighbors are too stingy to take one." A poet intended to say, „See the pale mar tyr in a ahcet of fire," instead of which the printer made him say. , 4 see the pale martyr with his shirt on fire.', From what tree was mother Eve prompted to pick the apple 1 Devil-tree. Jones has been telling Robinson (a poor victim of fashion) one of his splitting stories Robinson—"Ya'as— it s very funny 1" J ones —"Then why the deuce don't you laugh Robinson—"My doar fellah, I would with pleasure, but I darn't display any ctnotioo— these trowscrß are so tremendously tight!" The young ladies of Pensacola, Florida have organized a base ball ciub. One of the rules is, that whenever any member gets tangled in hor steel wire and she falls she is to be immediately expelled from the club. Smythe spent two whole days and nights in considering an answer to the conundrum 'Why is an egg underdone like one overdone?' He would suffer DO one to tell him, and at last hit upon the solution—because both are hardly done. jlkeMarval says a country house without a porch is like a m&n without an eyebrow. In China the physician who kills a patient has to support his family. A sharp talking lady was reproved her husband, who requested her to keep bur tongue in her mouth, "My dear," responded the wife, "it is against tbe law to carry con cealed weapona." Never chew your words. Open the mouth and let the voice come out' A stu dent once asked, '• Can virchue, fortichude, graticbude, or quietchude, dwell with that man who is a stranger to rectichude?" The words here'are badly chude. A mad princess of the house of Bourbon on being asked why the reign of queens were in general more prosperous than the reign of kings, replied : "Because, under kings women govern ; under queens, men," Hearts, the best card in the chance game of matrimony ; sometimes overcome by dia monds and knaves , often won by tricks, and occasionally treated in a shufling manner and then cut altogether. An industrious blacksmith and an idle dandy once courted a pretty girl, who hesita ted which to take. Finally she said she would marry whichever of them conld show the whitest hand. With a sneer at the Blacksmith the dandy held out his palms, white from idleness. The poor blacksmith hid his brawny hands in his pockets ; then drawing them forth full of bright silver coins, he spread them over his dusky finger. The girl decided that his hands were whitest. _ ' A late writer wishes to know what more precious offering can be laid upon the altar of a gentleman's heart than the first love of a pure, earnest and affectionate girl, with an undivided interest in eight cornea lota and fourteen throe story houses 7 We give it up- We know of nothing half so touching, or, in other words, anythirg that most people would sooner "touch." The New York religious call each other "lying rascals," "dvaeon •edgings," "crotche- > ty heretics," and "squirts." NO. t