Terms of Publication.
, TIO ,;A COUNTY AGITATOR ia published
Th rsJay Morning, and mailed to subscribers
very reasonable price of
Ijp OXE DOLLAR PER ANNCM.-gaT
~, •„ adranct. It is intended to notify every
ttl!eI1 tie term for which ho has paid shall
. j -, v tte gtoin p—“Time Oct,” on the mar
-1>« paper. The paper will then be stopped
5 3 “ farther remittance bo received. By this ar
-3:;J e oent no man can be brought in debt to the
' uirvronis the Official Paper of the County,
I* E f r „ e ’and steadily increasing circulation reach-
A» " ' ' neighborhood in the County. It is sent
«"- W to any Post Office within the county
' Tit whose most convenient post office may be
County.
is 4 * : ; !a cards, not exceeding 5 lines, paper inclu
-safin«'
DIRECTORY.^
■„ s ;iOITBEYd! S. F. WILSON,
TTOKNEYS i COUNSELLORS AT LAW, will
\ L :‘li the Court of Tioga. Pottor and McKean
JX . -Vellsboro’, Feb. 1,1853.]
>..USt^ s * I ■
g. B. BROOKS,
•rmRVEYAND counsellor at law
i‘ iU * ELELA.VD, T/OGA'CO. PA.
. t mu niW'lt; of Counselors there is safety."— Bible.
‘Jpt 53.
: PR. W. W. WEBB.
OFFICE over Cone's Law Office, first door below
Farr's Hotel. Nights he will be found at bis
,j first doorabove the bridge on Main Street,
f££ds Sanicel Dickinson's.
DARTJT, DENTIST,
j,,i ~i /-VFFICE at his residence near the
Academy. All work pertaining to
Hue of business done promptly and
[April 22, 1858.]
picm;sson souse
CORXISSi N. Y.
p c. Xoe, Proprietor.
taken to and from the Depot free of charge.
PEXSS lIVASU HOUSE
VTELLSBOSO', PA.
L. D. TAYLOR, PROPRIETOR.
popular house in centrally located, ami
’to the patronage Of Ihe travelling public.
" vTI ERICAS HOTEL.
CORNING, N. Y..
5 FREEMAN, - - - - Proprietor.
, fj •. ~3 cts. Lodgings, 25 cts. Board, 75 cts. per dav.
J r,:; n ;DC. March 31, 1859. (ly.)
J. C. WHITTAKER,
Hydropathic Physician and Surgeon.
HLKLAXD, TIOGA CO., PENN A.
\r ; li visit patients in all parts of tbe County, or re
,Te them for treatment at his house. [June 14,]
" H. O. COLE,
harper asd hairdresser.
[-qj.jp iii the rear of the Post Office. Everything in
jS :i= line will be done as well and promptly as it
jig * M J.,ne in the city saloons. Preparations for re-
LjTitg Jmdruff, and beautifying the hair, for sale
Hair and whiskers dyed any color. Call and
[*• Wellsboro, Sept. 22, 1559.
GAINES HOTEL.
lie VERMILYEA, PROPRIETOR
Gaines, Tiogn County, Pa.
TjUS well known hotel is located within easy access
j tlwhc't fishing and hunting grounds
j-i. Nu j.dn« will be spared for the accommodation
I. -ViMire seekers and the traveling public,
; i nl 11, ISSS.
THE CORNING JOURNAL.
George W. Pratt, Editor and Proprietor.
jr; published at Corning, Steuben Co., N. T., at One
;[ liij’larl and Fifty Cents per year, in advance. The
. .mi is Kejmblican in politics, and has a circula
.inching into every part of Steuben County.—
desirous of extending their business into that
nice adjoining counties will find it an excellent ad
ait medium. Addrej-s as above.
I DRESS MAKING.
\n.'S M. A. JOHNSON', respectfully announces to
the citizens of WelUboro and vicinity, that she
i ul.cn rooms over Niles Elliott's Store, where
*• •• prepared to execute all orders in the line of
HESS MAKING. .Having had experience in the
sue feels confident that she can give satisfne
who may favor her with their patronage.
‘*?i 1559.
i JOHH B. SHAHESP-EAR,
i TAILOR.
jITWTNG opened his shop in the room over
;H Win. Roberts Tin Shop, respectfully informs the
ei Wellsboro* and vicinity, that he is prepared
J siwnte orders in his line of business with prhmpt
• i: and despatch j
Cutting done on abort notice*
• Oct. 21, IS5S.—6m
MATCHES! WATCHES!
THE Subscriber has got a fine aasnrtment of heavy
KSOLISH LEVER UUNTER-CASE
Gold and Silver Watches,
l t t:h he will sell cheaper than <f dirl"x»n ‘Time,’ i. e.
L' litcil‘Time Pieces'on a short (approved) credit.
Lind* of REPAIRING done promptly. If a
i w..<rk is not done to the satisfaction of tho party
]*>r.cg it, no charge will be made.
} h-'t fa\ors apj.rcciated and a contiuance of patron-
solicited. ANDIE FOLEY,
i 1 June ?4, ' 348.
; HOME INDUSTRY.
f riJ>CIIIBER having established a MAR-
U BLE MANUFACTORY at the village of Tioga,
U is prepared to furnish
Honuments, Tomb-Stones, fee.,
’ Ust
ttUIOXT & ITAJLIAW MARBLE
t ”-‘i respectfully solicit the patronage of this and atl
::: ecucties.
a good stock on hand he is now ready to cx
'•si\\ orders with neatness, accuracy and dispatch,
-•tfork delivered if desired.
JOHN BLAMPIED.
Tioga Co., Pa., Sept. 28,1559.
ffJI. TEBBELL,
CORNING, N. Y.
Wholesale and Retail "Dealer, in
J '* f And Medicines, Lend, Zinc, and Colored
r »‘i, UnnmA, Brushes (J'tmjJiene and Burning
Fluff, S’leh and Glass, Pure Liquort jor
Potent Medicines, Artists Paints and Brushes,
. ■>-“ cy. fancy Articles , Flavoring Extracts, «£*c.,
[ ALSO,
—.. general assortment of School Books—
Blank Book?, Staple and Fancy
Stationary.
in*. Druggists and Country Merchants dealing
,‘J r - Lie abi»ve articles can bo supplied at p small
- r ‘ York prices. [Sept. 22, 1857.]
•'ll MOVE TIN SHOP!
* OPPOSITE ROY’S DRUG STORE.
l>r - : l°u can but / Stores, Tin, and Japanned
, W<■ for one-hraf the vsual prices .
£ Elevated Oven Cook Stove and THm
sls,oo.
''tadj n f
. Tiu and Hardware
- .'J , ?, Jv ‘ nn f or Jtcad y Pay.
a oy one who wants anything in this line
- ee our prices before purchasing elsewhere.
e:l place— two doors south of Farr’s Ho
.. Roy’s Drug Store. CALL AND SEE
1
D. DEMING,
l ful!y announce to the people of Tioga County
'' U-rT J? re P are4 to fill all orders for Apple, Pear
tctdr 'ne. Apricot, Evergreen and Deciduous
‘ AI-o Currant* Rai-pberrie*, Gooseberries,
V « *ad Straw berries of all now ami approved vari-
, <^ES—CoCKi '' t!n ? of Hybrid, P€rpc tnal 111111 Sum-
Dl ‘ r Robes. Bourbon, Noisette, Tea,
irill t)Uaibing Rosea,
- to RL B3ER Y_lncludlngnll the finest neara-
c , A rieties of Althea, CalycaotLus,
vLOVtr J,’ - ' - ' ”**» Syringias, Viburnums, WigUifts Ac.
Dahlia*, Phloxes. Tulips,
j . Hyacinths, NarcUsls; Jonquils, JL.il-
I^tS^nr
Tar »eiie?.
a*!* rw w^if,!f< aut ‘^' il) Strawberry. 4 doz. plants, $5.
If :' jumvv, ,raftI nR. Budding or Pruning will be
‘ * A'ldrr*»«
U. D. DEMING, Welhboro, P*.
THE AGITATOR
Bebotetr to the intension of the &rea of iFmbom an® tbc Spreah of IbeaXtbg 3Beform.
WHILE THEBE SHALL BE A WRONG TJNRIGHTED, AND UNTIL “MAN’S INHUMANITY TO MAN” SHALL CEASE, AGITATION MUST CONTINUE.
VOL. VI.
[From the Evening Post.]
NORTH WINDS.
The north winds blow—now moaning low.
Now rustling on their way;
The north winds blow, and even fio
Blows memory's wind to-day.
A sorrow o'er, a heart-ache past,
Come* back upon this angry blast.
■\V hen wounds are healing, scars will throb
With hidden, inward pain;
And after tears, the smothered sob
Will come, and come again ;
And though we conquer in tbo strife,
We may be saddened all our life.
Or, if not saddened, chastened still.
And weaned away from earth.
And taught to feel that good and ill
Have each a heavenly birth;
That our dear Father sends to os
The very griefs that pain us thus.
Until at last, grown strong and calm
We trust to Him onr all.
And now w© find the sweetest balm
That on the heart can fall;
AVe feel that mercy rnlcs.on high,
And we shall know it by-and-by.
And so, more thankful for the good
That brightens still our day.
Each trial better understood,
We go our onward way ;
And faith’s sweet song arises still,
“Not mine, oh, lather! but Thy will."
Wellshoro’, Pa. S. S. Thompson
The Art of Not Bearing 1 .
If the following were read and acted upon,
bow much trouble it would save us :
The art of not hearing should be taught in
every well-regulated family. It is full as im
portant to domestic happiness as a cultivated
ear, for which so much money and time are ex
pended, There are so many things which it is
painful to hear—many which we ought not to
hear—uery many, which, if heard, will disturb
the temper, corrupt simplicity and modesty, de
tract from contentment and happiness; that
every one should be educated to take in or shut
out sounds, according to their pleasure.
If a man falls into a violent passion, and call
me all manner of names, the first word shuts
my ears, and I hear no more. If, in my quiet
voyage of life, I find myself caught in one of
those domestic whirlwinds of scolding, I shut
my ears, as a sailor would furl his sails, and
making all tight, scud before the gale. If a
hot and restless man begins to inflame my
feelings, I consider what mischief these fiery
sparks may do in the magazine below where
my temper is kept and instantly close the door.
Does a gadding mischief-making fellow begin
to inform me what people are saying about me
down drops the portcullis of my ear, and he
cannot get in any further. Does the collector
of a neighborhood's scandal ask my car as a
ware house, it instinctively shuts up. Some
people seem anxious to hear everything that
will vex and annoy them. If it is hinted that
any one has spoken evil of them, they set about
searching the matter, and finding out. If all
the petty things said of one by heedless or ill
natured idlers were to be brought home to him,
, he would become a mere walking pin-cushion,
stuck full of sharp remarks, I should as soon
a man for emptying upon my bed a
bushel of nettles, or setting loose a swarm of
ants in my chamber, or raising a pungent dust
in rjay house generally, as to bring in upon me
all the tattles of careless or stupid people. If
you wjuld be happy when among good men,
open your ears; when among bad, shut them.
And as the throat has a muscular arrangement
by which it takes care of the, air passages of
its own accord, so the ear should be trained to
an automatic dullness of hearing! It ia not
worth while to hear what your servants say
when thegr are angry ; what your children say
when they have slammed the door ; what your
neighbors say about your children; what your
rivals say about your business, your dress, or
your affairs. ' *
The art of not hearing, though untaught in
the schools, is by no means unknown, or un
practised in society. I have noticed that a
well bred woman never hears an impertinent
or vulgar remark. A kind of discreet deafness
saves one from many insults, from much blame,
from not a little apparent connivance in dis
honorable conversation.
There are two doors inside my ears—a right
hand door leading to the heart, and a left hand
door, with a broad and steep passage out into
the open air. This out door receives all ug
liness, profanity, vulgarity, mischief-making,
which suddenly finds themselves outside of me.
Judicious teachers and indulgent parents save
their young urchins a world of trouble by a
convenient deafness. Bankers and money
lenders often are extremely hard of hearing,
when unsafe borrowers are importunate. I
never hear a man who runs after me in the
street bawling my name at the top of his voice ;
nor persons that talk evil of those who are ab
sent : nor those who give me unasked advice
about my own affairs: nor those who talk
largely about things of which they are igno
rant.
If there are sounds of kftidness, of mirth,
open fly my ears I But temper, or harshness,
or hatred, or vulgarity? or flattery, shut them.
If you keep your ga/den gate shut, your flow
ers and fruit will be safe. If you keep your
door closed, no thief will run off with your
silver, and if you keep your ears shut, your
heart will lose neither its flowers nor its treas
ures.
A good story is told of a physician, whom
for the sake of the pun, we shall call Dr,
Stone. He had been visiting a lady patient at
a distance, for some time, and she one day ex
pressed her fears thut it might be inconvenient
for him to come so far on her account* “Oh,
no,” said the doctor innocently, “I have an
other patient in the neighborhood —and thus
you birds are killed by one Slone I”
“Is it possible. Miss, that you don't know the
names of some of your best friends ?” “Cer
tainly, I do not even know what my own may
bo in a year from now.”
Extremes Meet. —Civilization and barbar
ism corns together. Savage Indians and fash
ionable ladies paint’their faces.
A gentleman who spoke of having been struck
by a lady’s beauty, was advised to kiss the rod.
WELLSBORO, TIOGA COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY FEBRUARY 9, 1860.
Among the many marvellous inventions
which American genius has produced within
the last few years, are the following compiled
from the Patent Office report: —
The report explains the principles of the cel
ebrated Hobbs lock. Its “unpickability” de
pends upon a secondary or false set of tum
blers, which touches the real ones. Moreover,
the lock is powder-proof, and may be loaded
through the key-hole and fired off till the bur
glar is tired of his fruitless work, or fears that
the explosion will bring to view his experiments
more witness than he desires.
A harpoon is described which makes the
whale kill himself. The more he pulls the line,
the deeper goes the harpoon.
An ice-making machine has been patented;
which is worked by a steam engine. "Jn an ex
perimental trial, it froze several liottles of
sherry, and produced blocks of ice the size of
a cubic foot, when the thermometer was up to
eighty degrees. It is calculated that Ifor every
ton of coal put into the furnace it will make a
ton of ice.
From D. Dale’s (Examiner) report, we gather
some idea of the value of patents. A man
who had made a slight improvement in straw
cutters, took a model of his machine through
the Western States, and after a tour of eight
months, returned with $40,000. Another man
had a machine to thrash and clean grain, which
in fifteen months he sold i for $60,000. These
are ordinary cases—while such inventions as
the telegraph, the planing machine, and India
rubber patents, are worth millions each.
• Examiner Lane’s report describes new elec
trical inventions. Among these is an electrical
whaling apparatus, by which the the whale is
littarally “shocked to death.” Another is an
electro-magnetic alarm, which rings 'bells and
displays signals in case of fire and burglars.
Another is an electric clock, which wakes,you
up, tells you what time it is, and lights a lamp
for you at any hour you please.
There is a “sound gatherer,” a sort of huge
ear trumpet, to be placed in front of a loco
motive, bringing to the engineer’s ears all the
noise ahead, perfectly distinct, notwithstanding
the noise of the train.
There is an invention that picks op pins
from a confused heap, turns them around with
their heads up, and then sticks them in regular
rows.
Another goes through the whole process of
cigar making, taking in leaves and turning out
finished cigars.
One machine cuts cheese; another scours the
knives and forks; another rocks the cradle;
and seven or eight take in washing and ironing.
There is a parlor chair patented that cannot
be tipped back on two legs—and a railway
chair that ean be tipped back in any position
without any legs at all.
Another patent is for a machine that counts
passengers in an omnibus and takes their fare.
When a very fat gentleman gets in it counts
two and charges double.
Thei variety of guns patented that
load tl ; a fishing line that adjusts its
own hait, and a rat trap which throws away
the rat, and then baits itself, and stands in the
corner for another.
There is a machine also by which a man
prints instead of writes his thoughts. It is
played like a piano forte. And speaking of
pianos, it is estimated that nine thousand arc
made every year in the United States, giving
constant employment to one thousand nine
hundred persons, and costing over two millions
of dollars.
A Dead Thing on a Race Track. —The Vir
ginia penchant for seeing blood horses in mo
tion is well illustrated by an anecdote told us
recently at Petersburg.
Mr. Boswell, Sheriff of Hanover county,
seeing old Larkin "White, an ex-member of the
Jockey Club but now a member of the Baptist
church, on the quarter stretch, during the re
sent races at Ashland, Va., jacosely remarked
to him:
“Why, Col. White, they'll turn you out of
the church for being here.”
“If they do,” said Larkin, “they'll turn
Tinsley, yonder, out of the Methodist church.
I'll go and see him,”
Accordingly Larkin went over and stated
the case to his neighbor Tinsley, who, by the
way, stammers badly.
“Oh !” replied Tinsley, /‘l've go-go-got a d
d d-dead.tfping'tf it! I've co-co-counted noses,
and therro>a nia-ma-jority of the church on the
track?”
Larkin turned away regretting that he had,
in the excitement of his feelings, joined what
he now considered to be the “wrong church.”
Going Different Wavs.— Rev. Dr. Wither
spooo, farmer President of Princeton College,
was once on board a packet-ship where among
other passengers, was a profound atheist. The
fellow was very fond of troubling everybody
with his peculiar belief, and of broaching the
subject as often as he could get anybody to lis
ten to him. “He didn’t believe in a God and a
future state—not he.” By-and-by there came
up a terrible storm, and the prospect was that
all would go to the bottom. There was much
fear and consternation aboard ; but no one was
so horribly frightened as the atheist In this
extremity he sought out ( the clergyman. He
found him in the cabin, calm and collected,
and thus addressed him: “Oh, Dr. Wither
spoon ! we’re all going for it—we have "but a
short time to stay. Oh my gracious! how the
vessel rooks! We’re all going—don’t you think
we are, Doctor?”
The reverend gentleman turned on him a
look of most provoking coolness, and replied
in broad Scotch—“Jv'a doubt, na doubt, nion,
we’re a ’ganging; but you and I dinna gang
the same way!’’
Give a man- brains and riches and be is a
king; give him brains without riches and be is
a slave; give him riches without brains and of
course he is a fool.
A little one, after undergoing the disagreea
able operation of vaccination, exclaimed. “Now
I won’t have to bo baptised, will 11”
* Recent Inventions.
Extraordinary Mirage.
Galignani's (Paris) Messenger extracts the
following extraordinary instance of mirage at
sea, from Lieut. Julien's "Courants et Bevolu,
iions de 1 Atmosphere et de la mer t n giving as
nearly as possible the author's own graphic de
scription of the phenomenon:
After a violent hurricane, which occurred on
the 16th of Dec., 1846, off the Island of Reun
ion, “we found ourselves,” says he, “separated
from the French corvette I»e Berceau, which
could not, however, be far off. We wero ena
bled by the aid of jury masts, to reach in the
course of a few days the Island of Ste. Marie
of Madagascar, which was the place of rendez
vous. It was in vain we searched the horizon,
sounded the creeks and explored all the sinuos
ities of the coast—we could find no trace of our
unfortunate companions. A month of cruel
anxiety had thus elapsed, when the man at the
mast-head called out: “A wreck to the west
ward, drifting toward the land.” It was no
dream; the sun was shining brilliantly, the
sky wks clear and pure; the warm air vibrated
in the horizon. All our telescopes turned in
that direction confirmed the truth of that an
nouncement. But our emotions were raised to
the very highest pitch, when, instead of a dis
masted vessel, we descried a raft laden with
men and towed by boats, on which were seen
fluttering signals of distress. The figures were
clearly and sharply defined—outlines all dis
tinct.”-
“For several hours on hoard of our frigate
the captain, officers and sailors, all of us, un
der the influence of a feverish hallucination,
could follow with our own eyes the details of
this indescribable scene. Admiral Desfosses,
who was in command of the India station at
the time, hastily ordered out the first steamer
that happened to be at hand, in order to hasten
to the rescue of those living fragments that the
ocean seemed willing to restore to us from the
bottom of its abysses. The day began to de
cline ; night, os it does under the tropics, was
already approaching without a twilight, when
'the Archimede arrived near the object of’its
mission. She stopped in the midst of floating
spars, and sent out her boats. All around
them were still seen men in motion lifting up
their hands to Heaven, and a subdued and con
fused hum of many voices was heard to mingle
with the splash of the oars. A few seconds
more and we should be embracing our brethren
rescued from certain death. But, alas ! what
an illusion! Our boats got entangled among
the thick branches of large trees torn from the
neighboring coast, and drawn with their leaves
into the counter-currents directed toward the
north. Thus vanished this strange vision—
thus disappeared the last hope which a deceit
ful mirage had, so to say, evoked from the
depths of the ocean." '
The Lawyer Answered.
A story is told of a very eminent lawyer in
this city receiving a severe reprimand from a
witness on the stand whom he was trying to
browbeat; It was an important issue, and in
order to save his cause from defeat, it was nec
essary that Mr. A should impeach the
witness, lie endeavored to do it on the ground
of old age. The following dialogue ensued:
Lawyer—How old are you ?
Witness —Seventy-two years.
Lawyer—Your memory, of course, is not so
brilliant and vivid as it was twenty years ago,
is it ? j
Witness—l do not know but it is.
Lawyer—State some circumstances which
occurred, say twelve years ago, and we shall
be able to see how well you can remember.
Witness—l appeal to your honor if lam to
be interrogated in this manner.
Judge—You had better answer the question.
Lawyer—Yes, sir; state it.
Witness—Well, sir, if you compel me to do
it, I will. About twelve years ago you studied
in Judge B 's office, did you not?
Lawyer—Yes.
Witness—Well, sir, I remember your father
coming into my office and saying to me, “Mr.
D , my son is to be examined to-morrow,
and I wish you would lend me fifteen dollars
to buy him a suit of clothes.” I remember
also, sir, that from that day to this he has never
paid me that sum. That sir, I remember as
though it was but yesterday.
Lawyer (considerably abashed)—That will
do, sir.
Closed for Repairs!— -In Judge L’s. office at
New Haven was always kept fur private enter
tainment and solace, a demijohn of “good old
Jamaica.” His Honor noticed that every Mon
day morning it was a lighter, a more “abstract
ed John” than he left it on Saturday night.
Sam was also missing from his usual seat in
the orthodox paternal pew.
On Sunday afternoon Sara came in about
five o’clock, and (rather heavily) went up
stairs.
The Judge called after him : “Sam where
have you been?” i
“To church, sir.”
“What church, Sam ?” ,
“Second Methodist, Sir.” '
“Had a good sermon, Sam ?”
“Very powerful, Sir; it quite staggered mo
Sir.”
“Ah, I see,” said the Judge, "quite powerful,
eh, Sam ?”
The next Sunday the son came home rather
earlier than usual, and apparently not so much
“under the weather.” His father bailed him,
with ; “Well, Sam, been to the “Second Meth
dist” agaiii to-day ?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good sermon, my boy ?”
“Fact was, father, that I couldn't get in;
church shut up and a ticket on the door.”
“Sorry Sam, keep going, you-may get good
by it yet.”
Sam says, on going to the office for his usual
spiritual refreshment, he found , the “John”
empty and bearing the following label: “There
will be no service here to-day, this church being
closed for repairs!”
Sam departed a “sadder and a wiser,” but
(with his bibulous proclivities) not a better
mau.
A Confirmed Toper.
The following scene is taken from real life,
having occurred at North Cambridge, at the
hotel occupied by Old Zach Porter:
Joe, the man of all work about the hotel,
was fond of good liquor, or, indeed, liquor of
any kind; and, being generally short of funds,
was in the habit of seizing oh all remounts of
liquor left by practitioners at the bar. Thus
matters progressed for some years, keeping Joe
pretty well .soaked, and when Porter, having
occasion to make a mixture fur curing a dis
eased hoof, had need of some nitric acid, or
nquafortisi that article being one of the ingre
dients of the lotion. Taking a common bar
tumbler, and -pouring a sufficient quantity of
acid into it, he went out, leaving the tumbler
on the counter, and a drover the sole occupant
of the bar-room, lie had no sooner passed the
door than in came Joe, and seeing, as he
thought, a tumbler, as usual, with some liquor
too good to be wasted, immediately looked
through the bottom, “as was the usual custom,”
and quickly threw himself outside of said liquor.
He then went to chopping wood, Smacking his
Ups at the unusual strength of the spirit.
Shortly after, Old Zach coming in, picked up
the tumbler to go on with his medical prepara
tion, but was very much surprised on finding
it empty. Inquiring of the traveler, be was
informed that a short, chunky man (describing
Joe) had drank it. With, an exclamation of
surprise, and consternation depicted on his
countenance, he rushed out of the room in
search of Joe, expecting to find his dead body
not many yards off. He passed around the
house, and in -the back yard found Joe doing
extra execution on the logs, working as he gen
erally did when he had. an extra amount of
steam. After getting over his astonishment,
this conversation ensued:
Old Zach—“ Joe, did you drink-that stuff on
the counter ?"
Joe—“ Wh y—yeas—ls —l thought it hadn’t ought
to be wasted, you know. All right, I ’spOse !’’
Zach—“l don’t know. How do you like it;
how do you feel after it ?” •
Joe—“ Feel? I feel fust-rate—lively as a
cricket.”
Zach—“ Well, Joe, but haven’t you noticed
anything out of the way—nothing wrong about
you ?”
Joe—“ Anything wrong? Well no, not much ;
fust-rate liquor; takes good hold ; goes further
than common. There is only one thing queer
about it which I can’t get the hang of, (here he
drew his shirt-sleeve under his nose,) whenceer
I wipe my mouth I hum a hole in my shirt !”
Old Hiram is with us yet. You don’t know
Hiram, and cannot understand the mischief he
makes by everlastingly putting in his word
when somebody would be better pleased if the
half-drunk, half-witted fellow would keep his
mouth shut.
Dick Runnels was running for Congress.—
Though a lineal descendant from an old and
noted Tory family, Dick is great at patronizing:
and Ml the more because he has nothing to
brag of ilt that line. One day, in the height of
an electioneering appeal he demands,
“Whose brows were blackened by the pow
der smoke on Bunker Hill? Whose breasts
braved the hail-storm there ?’’
“None of your folks, you blamed old Tory,
you!” roared out old Hiram, and the laugh
that broke in broke down the, orator, and he re
tired after a few more incoherent observations,
but he was to speak again in a few days, and
taking Old Hiram into his confidence, and
treating him liberally to branky and water, he
made a bargain with Hiram hot to interrupt
him again, promising him as much brandy as
he could drink at the end of! the meeting if he
kept quiet. Runnels went on swimmingly.—
His patriotism rose with the tide of his elo
quence, and at length he exclaimed,
“We cherish the useless musket and rusted
sabre of our forefathers as holy things.”
“Runnels, Runnels!” shouted old Hiram, “I
can't hold in. I'll pay for the brandy myself,
but I can't hold in. Them muskets and sabres
is too much for Old Hiram!” and the maddened
roar of merriment that went up drowned Old
Hiram and Runnels together.
A Merchant Biting “Tip Top” WooL.—A
good story is told of one of our merchants
which we cannot forbear repeating. It appears
that a farmer called with the design of selling
him some wood, when a colloquy ensued nearly f
as follows;
Farmer.—Can I sell yon some wood to-day?
Merchant. —Yes, if you have a "“tip top” ar
ticle. ,
Farmer.—l have, sir—no,mistake. *
Merchant.—Very well—you may bring me
some.
The farmer retired, and after a day or two
called again at the store and informed his un
suspecting customer that he' had delivered the
wood at his house. The merchant inquired if
it was “tip top” according to agreement, and
was assured that it was. The wood was then
paid for and the farmer went on his way re
joicihg.
But what was the merchant’s astonishment,
on going to-hia house at night, to find in his
yard a formidable pile of “tip top” wood of
the most undeniable description. The farmer
had performed to the letter, ,if not according to
the spirit of the contract; for he had brought
him a plump cord of limbs; and brush.—Can
andaguia. Times. /'~ ,
A Washington correspondent of the Atlas
says :
“I was much amused witli the story of the
Western member, who is by the way. one of
the clearest-headed and largest-hearted inert
here. Said he, ‘I declare to you, 1 have got so
used to shouting out ‘John Sherman’ when. I
am spoken to, that when the waiter asked me
this morning at table wh'at I would .have for
breakfast, I told him ‘John Sherman !’ ”
Two Irishmen were in prison—one for steal*
ing a cow, and the other for stealing a watch.
“Mike,” said stealer, one day, “what
o’clock is *t? “Ooh, Pat, I haven’t my watch
handv, but I think it’s about milkin’ time.”
Rales of Advertising.
Advertisements will b« charged $1 per square of 10
linee, one or three insertion*, and 2& cents for ertrj
subsequent insertion. Advertisement* of loss than 1
lines considered as a square. Thesubjeined rates will
be charged for Quarterly, Half-Yearly and Yearly ad
vertisements :
Square, -.
2 do.
3 do. i -
i column, -
* do.
Column. -
Advertisements not having thepamber of insertion,
desired marked upon them, will be published until or*
dered out and charged accordingly.
Posters, Handbills, Bill-Bead*, Letter-Heads and all
kinds of Jobbing done in conn try establishments, ex
ecuted neatly and promptly. Justices*, Constables*,
and other BLANKS coDstimljly on hand.
NO. 28.
The Armies of Europe—Their Astounding
Magnitude and their Unproductiveness.-*-!*
is now eighteen centuries and a half since a. new
religion was preached to mankind—a religion
full of pence and gentleness and mercy. On
the day when the founder of that religion waa
born, the pence of Europe was maintained by
about three hundred thousand soldiers. There
are now about two million and a half on the'
pence establishment. Picture to yourself whafc
these two million and a half cost us, the peaceable
inhabitants of Europe, in_daily pay, in rations,
in clothing, and in housing. Go through these
calculations jcarefully. Your time can hardly
be better spent than in making up such accounts. ;
Remember, too, that these unproductive soldiers
might have been productive laborers and arti
sans ; so that you have to add the loss of their
labor to the cost of their keep. Try to imagine
these millions of armed men defiling, without
intermission, in long array before you—the
bright, alert, and ready-handed Erenchraen;
the stout, hardy Prussian; the well-drilled
Austrians, the stalwart Hanes; the gay Pied
montese, the Dutchmen; the much-en
during, long-coated Russians; the free-limbed,
haughty, defiant Spaniards; and the cool, reso
lute, solid-looking Englishmen. Bright summer
days would wane' away as this vast armament,
with all its baggage and artillery, moved ou
before your wearied eyes ; and all night long
the unwearied tramp of men and horses would
still be heard resounding. ; Something like a
conception of the number may be formed \*v
considering that, if every man, woman,
child, to be found in London and its suburbs,
were transformed into a soldier, the number
would about represent the effective force of men
at-arms in Europe. Consider how the most ex
perienced Londoner loses his way sometimes in
that great city, and discovers districts of which
be knew nothing before. Let &ese ~
new regions, as well as those parts of the town
with which he is familiar, to bejsuddenly peopled
with soldiers only. Let him! pot only traverse
the highways, but go into the houses, and sou
the sick and aged and infantine, who seldom
come into the streets, and let him persevere
imagining these also to be soldiers, and London
one huge camp. lie will then have some idea
of the extent of European armies, and may re
flect upon what it would cost to feed these un
productive millions for a single day. —Friends
in Council , 2 d Series.
A Pleasant Parlor Inmate. —Miss Fuller,
in her last letter communicated from .Europe to
tbe columns of the New York Tribune, mentions
having become acquainted with Dr. Southwood
Smith, the well-known philanthropist.
“On visiting him/' says the lady, “we saw an
object which 1 bad often heard celebrated, and
had thought would be revolting, but found, on
the contrary, an' agreeable sight; this is ike
skeleton of Jeremy Bentbnm. It was at Ben*
tham’s request that the ske'eton, dressed in the
same dress that he habitually wore), stuffed out
to an exact resemblance of life, and with a
portrait mask in wax, sits there as assistant to
Dr. Smith in the entertainment of his guests
and companion of his studies. The-figure leans
a-little forwards, resting the hands on a stout
stick which Bentham always carried, and bad
named ‘Dapple.* The attitude is quite easy;
the expression of the whole mild, winning, yet
highly individual. 1
It is well known that Bentham, in order to
oppose, in the most convincing manner, the pre
judice against dissection, of the human subject,
willed his body to the surgeons, and in a codi
cil, subsequently written, made a final bequest
of his skeleton to his friend, Dr. Smith.**
Manumission of a Beautiful Slave.—A.
young fomilc, of almost classic beauty, about,
eighteen years old, so nearly white that the
tinge of Afiican blood in her veins was scarce!?
perceptible, and perfect enough in form and
feature to have served as a model for a Proxi
tiles or a Powers, was a few days since manu
mitted in the Cincinnati Probate Court by *
well-known New Orleans merchant. Her coun
tenance was beaming, expressive, and intelli
gent, her dark eyes brilliant, melting and ten
der, and her general appearance quite spirit
velle, owing partly to the worm of consumption
that was evidently feeding on her check. She
was elegantly attired, and in point of personal
appearance would have contrasted favorabjv
with the most fashionable belle.
The editor of a Mississippi paper thus lets
off on somebody who called him poor:
“W r e poor! No sir-ce. Why we have a li
brary made up, for the most part, of patent
office reports and Kansas speeches; a double
barrelled pistol that wont staud cocked; a good
watch; six suits of clothes ; fourteen shirt**;
a cat: ahull pup; seventy-five cents in cash,
and no poor relations; and are going to have *
pretty wife : and, as soon as possible, a town
lot ! Talk about being poor.”
Owlish. —A disagreeable old bachelor, whoso
proposal to marry was refused for the fifteenth
time last week, by a young lady, was heard im
mediately after the refusal, to deliver a must
bitter phillipic against the fair sei in general,
and in concluding remarked: “That the reason
why Adam was put to sleep before the creation
of Eve from his rib, lay in the fact that if ho
had been awake he never would have consented
to any such outrage upon tis future peace.”
The Duke of Wellington gave orders one day
during the Peninsular campaign, for a batt.ii
lion to attempt a rather dangerous enterprise—
the storming of one of the enemies batteries at
St. Sebastian—complimented the officer by sav
ing that his regiment was the first in the world.
“Yes.” replied th» officer, leading on the ui-n,
“and before your lordship’s orders are execute J,
it will probably bo the first in the next."
Mrs. Partington says: “I haven’t attydesirna
to live longer than the breath remains'in mv
body, if it isn’t more than eighty years. [
wouldn’t wish to bo a centurion, and the idea
of surviving one’s factories always gives me
disagreeable censoriousnoss. But Whatever ia
tu be, will be, and there is no knowing when n
thing ttkos p’.tce till it
3 MONTHS. 6 MONTH a. 12 VUMTB«
$3,09* $4.50 $6,00
5.00 0,50 8,00
7.00 8,59 10,00
8.00 0.50 12,50
15,00 - 20,90 30.00
25,09 _ 35.00 60,00