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THE TIOGA COUNTY AGITATOR is pub.
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LIFE'S LESSON.
She is gone! alas no longer
May we wander side by side.
Every day my love grew stronger,
For my fair and gentle bride—
Memories of one year ago,
Only deeper make my woe.
Oh! how fast that summer faded,
Flowers and music came with spring;
Soon the glowing sky was shaded,
Every bird was on the wing.
When the Autumn breezes blew.
My heart's rose was withering too.
Daily growing dear and dearer,
Heart in heart, and hand in band,
growing ocflr and oenrert
* To the happy spirit-land.
When the snow-flakes coldly felt
My sweet wife was slumbering well.
But for me the lonely-hearted
Where for comfort can I turn,
My one earthly joy departed,
A life lesson 1 must learn.
Standing by this early grave
Learn to suffer, and be brave.
Learn to smooth the way for others,
1 Raise the fallen, and the weak
Leo rn to love my erring brothers,
Words of cheer to all to speak—
And till faith is changed to sight
To do battle for the right.
VIRGINIA.
Gen. Harden’s Resignation.
BY B. P. SIIIIXABAB.
The General had been many years in com
mission, and it seemed to the anxious ones
who were waiting either for death or resigna
tion, in order to advance, that neither of those
desirable events would ever take place. The
old man was tough and clung to life and
office with all the tenacity of a dog to a bone.
He was a rare specimen of the “good old
fellow,” and not a voice would have been
heard among the youngly ambitious to move
for his removal.
Their patience at last became exhausted,
and after consulting together they agreed
upon a ruse by which the General would be
driven into a resignation. Having laid their
plans, they prepared to carry them into exe
cution.
One of them meeting the General the next
day shook hands wittr-him very cordially and
(old him that he had justTiearif of his resig
naiion, which he hoped was not Hue, and,
before the General had a chance losreply,
begged the old man to partake of suppenwith
a party of his fellow-officers the next evening,
as a parting tribute. \
The General was much surprised, and in\
formed his friend that he hadn’t any inten
tion of resigning, and couldn’t think, for the
life of him, where the report came from.
After a few remarks more on both sides they
separated. , * -
The General plodded along by' himsell,
thinking over whal he had said, and mutter
ing—“ What does it mean? Have 1 said
anything about resigning when I have had
100 much wine on? Perhaps I have.”
“Good morning, General,” said another
officer, meeting him; “bow are you this
morning, sir ?”
“Very well, very well, thank’ee,” replied
the General.
“So,” continued the other, “you are going
to resign, General; well, you have served
the State long and faithfully, and I should
think you would like to rest,”
“Where did you hear about my resign
ing’.” said the General, more surprised than
before.
“Colonel Jones told me,” was the reply ;
“I was in there after you had gone last night.
Why can’t you meet us to-morrow night at
the tavern, General’ We think of getting
tip a little supper, in hOnor of your resig
nation.
“Thank you,” said the General, “I’ll be
there.”
The General turned away with the impres
sion that he had, the night previous, while
under the influence of the Colonel’s wine,
given the intimation that he was going to
resign. “Hang my longue at both ends,”
said be ; “this is a queer state of things. I
never thought of resigning. But——”
“Ah, General, good morning ; glad to see
you,” said Col. Jones, coming abruptly upon
his superior. “Well, your intended resigna
tion gives the boys a chance to manifest their
regard for you. They are having a fine
supper preparing to come off to morrow night,
in your honor, and you must reserve your
fire.”
The General laughed, slapped his friend,
ihe Colonel on the back and said, “Certain
ly, Jones, the 1 fire of the flint is here yet.
Good for twenty years."
He did not dare to ask Jones for an ex
planation because it would be an admission
that he was weak headed and approaching
toward dotage to acknowledge that he had
been overcome by wine, and that was the
only way by which he could account for Ine
resignation which they spoke about. He
had rather actually resign than labor under'
such a stigma as this, and accordingly he
said:
“Well, Jones, you know I’ve been In the
service a good while, and want a little quiet;
so you see I think it best to resign. The
poetry of dying in the harness is very well,
but hang me il 1 fancy it.”
They shook hands and parted ; the Gene
ral m a whirl of excitement and the Colonel
10 TtI eVer !" un al *^ e succeBs of the ruse.
next night a splendid supper was pre
pared and a large number of military guests
Th n alten ded in the tallest figure.
® eneral was there in full regimentals,
is lace was glowiug with the excitement of
e moment and from oiher causes; and the
note affair, as the village paper said the
e*t morning was splendidly gotten up;
appmess waved her illumined wing over the
oeno, and the' genius of cheerfulness rested
ln S° nia ‘ content on every heart and beamed
THE AGITATOR.
gefroteg to tftc Sfttnffion of tf)t of iFmirom ang t&e of ©caltßg Reform.
WHILE THEBE SHALL BE A WRONG UNSIGHTED, AND UNTIL “ MAN’S INHUMANITY TO MAN” SHALL CEASE, AGITATION MUST CONTINUE.
YOU. IY.
upon every countenance. The Colonel to
quote the same authority, “presides with the
usual dignity," and when the cloth was re
moved he called upon all (o fill their glasses
to respond to a sentiment which he had to
offer, which he would preface by a few re
marks.
“We have,” said he as our honored guest
this evening, our beloved General Hardun,
whose long service has been fully appreciated
by us in common with the whole community.
We rejoice to meet with him on this occasion
although our meeting is not one of unalloyed
festivity. There is one bitter ingredient in
our cup. Gen. Hardun has signified his in
tention of resigning I This announcement,
I need not say was unexpected as it was
painful. Our connection has been so long
and intimate, that parting seemed impossible,
yet such is the decree of fate. But while
your flag floats in triumph over your head
we will remember the undying glory shed
upon it by the illustrious man who now with
draws from its support. I pledge you the
health and long continuance of our gallant
friend, Gen. Hardun.”
Tbe speech was received with nine cheers,
a “Tiger,” perhaps, but whether tbe growl
which resounds from all sorts of jungles was
then known is a matter of doubt. The great
est enthusiasm was displayed and his health
was drank in three brimming glasses, one
after another. As soon as silence was re
stored the General rose to respond.
“Friends,” said he—holding to the table,
for his emotion made him unsteady, and his
voice was husky from the same cause—
“ Friends, your kindness overpowers me. I
never (ill this moment dreamed (hat I was
half so much regarded by you. Gentlemen,
fellow soldiers, brethren in arms—it gives
me pleasure to meet .with such good fellows.
My association with you has been of the
most pleasant, I may say glorious character:
We have long served on the tented field, and
fought and bled and died, so to speak, or
would, have done so at duty’s call, cemented
together like bricks in the deadly imminent
breaches of war. With a full remembrance
of this I will, that in view of all your regard
and of the feeling you display about losing
me, I should be an ingrale if I allow a selfish
consideration to inspire me. Therefore,
whatever Lmay have said about resigning, I
hereby retract, and declare that I’ll stick to
you to the last. It will be impossible for me
to leave such a glorious set of boys.”
A shout of laughter responded to the
Speech and Col. Jones gave an extended wink
around the board very expressive of the belief
which he had that moment entertained that
they were all especially humbugged, and that
-Asiai-*, The impression con
tinued till the next day, when the ones who
ordered the supper had to pay the hill.—
Boston Gazette.
Cariosities of the Censas.
Among the curiosities of the Census, says
the Albany Evening Journal, “The ages of
all those (orly-ijiree thousand brides and
grooms, in this Stale, will of coarse be inter
esting to our readers. Mr. Hough has sought
it all out, and his co-adjutor in this statistical
gossip, has printed it in his plainest type. —
Among the husbands, who were not chickens,
were two who took the vows at the age each
of 85 years. One of them joined himself
unto a damsel of 66, and the other with more
vernal tastes, sought felicity in the society of
a girl of 40. Of young wives (could their
mothers have known that these goslings were
out?) there were thirteen who were only 13
years old! Seventy were only 14 years old.
Two hundred and forty-nine were 15 years
old, and of “sweet sixteen” wives, there were
676. Of the baby husbands who also es
caped maternal watchfulness that year, four
were 15 years old! One of these was picked
up by another baby—a girl of 14—another
was entangled by a 15 year old female—an
other was entrapped by a tough young lady
of 22, and the fourth was kindly taken in
and done for by an experienced woman of 23.
There were twelve husbands who were only
16 years old each. There were thirty-eight
who were only 17 years old. There were
(their impatience increases) one hundred and
fifty-nine husbands, who were only 18 years
old, when they undertook to solve that con
nubial paradox that two are one. It will not
at all surprise our readers to learn that sixty
three of these infants married women older
than themselves. The tastes of two o/them,
led them to select wives 40 years old—rather,
they got selected, poor chickens, by these old
hawks, who had unquestionably been watch
ing for them ever since they were out of the
sbel I.
The age amongst the men at which there
was the most marriage, was 23. The age
at which most women married in that year
was 20. The oldest bride had reached the
maturity of 77. The groom in this case was
a year younger.
The three favorite hymenial periods of life
among the girls of New York, in 1855, were
at the ages of 19, 20 and 21. Correspond
ing to these, among “the boys" were the ages
21, 22 and 23.”
Boys.are sometimes endowed with remar
kable memories, We know a family in the
city, consisting of one girl and one boy—the
latter about several years old. They were
silling one evening around the table engaged
in telling each, other, how far back they
could recollect. The little girl recollected
when she was a “doll that cried.” The boy
here spoke upand said that be recollected
worse than that.
“How worse,” chimed in half a dozen
voices in a breath.
“Why, I recollect four weeks afore I was
born, and I cried all the time for fear I’<L
be a gal !’’
WELLSBORQ, TIOGA COUNTY. PA., THURSDAY MORNING. DECEMBER 10, 1857.
Our pages have still to depict dark scenes
and dark localities; for crimes and poverty
are rampant jo the great metropolis of Amer
ica. Yet though we shall conduct our rend*,
era into the gloomy Tartarean regions of the
city, where want, suffering, vice and murder
mingle and blend in horrid association, there
will not be all that is dreadful—not all dark
ness ; for even in these fearful precincts,
some choice, sacrificing spirits, animated by
a love for the Giver of ail good, and charity
for their neighbor, are endeavoring to do the
work of regeneration ; trying to diffuse ibe
lights of knowledge and the practice of virtue,
lending a moral radiance to the murky scene?,
in which they labor.
Go two squares direcily east of the Tombs,
and you will find yourself in the veiy centre
of the Five Points, that noted locality, where
the demon of wickedness appears to exercise
in such full power his dominion. There are
grocery stores, clothing stores,
milk stands—yet so wretched in aspect, that
they correspond pari passu to the poverty and
filthiness which surround them.
In lhe evening Iho visitor is surprised at
the crowded appearance of the place. The
streets are almost impassible. You are jam
med and jostled on all sides, and every grog
gery seems to be full, and doing a swimming
business. Poverty and crime a ppear to level
all, for their is no caste, no classes, but all
are on an equality, and carouse, drink, and
swear together, without fear of being affected
morally or mentally by low associations,—
Nor is this all. Even color ceases to exert
its privileges, for white and black, long hair
and woolly head are on familiar terms.
In speaking to a police officer of the im
mense throngs rushing to and fro in these
streets, he informed me that almost every
room contained a family, and nine-tenths of
the whole population were thieves and pros- j
unites.
On every side are indications of abandon
ed humanity. Ragged children, reeking with
filth, are playing neglected in the streets,
using the most profane language, committing
petty thefts, and doing other things signifi
cant of the penitentiary, or the gallows, in
maturer years. Poor, forlorn, degraded pros
titutes, festering with disease, and broken by
dissipation, stand at the door to invite the cu
rious traveler to enter their miserable domi
cile. On some of the corners are congrega
ted four or five youths, from fifteen to twenty
years of age, with so much peculation in
their countenances, that the passer by instinc
tively claps his hand on his pocket, and
breathes freer as he leaves them in Jhe dls.-
laucc. .\ll eyes appear cvfl eyes; ana ine
whole locality smells of corruption—even the
meat on the butcher’s stalls looks black, sus
picious and diseased. An effluvia pervades
the whole atmosphere, and though people live
in that sink of corruption, there is no indica
tion of healthfuloess in their countenances,
which are sallow, wan and downcast.
About eleven o’clock at night the revelry
at the Five Points commences, and is in full
blast at twelve.
The dance bouses are numerous, each fur
nished with a bar where liquor is sold at three
cents per glass, collects the little money pos
sessed by the thieves, prostitutes and murder
ers, and supply them continually with poison
ed fluid in the shape of drink, increase in a
tenfold degree their debased animal instincts.
One of these, a subterranean place of revel
ry, once kept by the notorious negro, Pele
Williams, is thus described by the Rev. L.
M. Pease, Superintendent of the Five Points
House of Industry, in his monthly record of
the Institution, from the proof sheets of which
we are permitted to make this extract.
“The toll was paid and pocketed, the door
opened, when, passing down four steps more,
we stood aghast in the assembly room of the
far-famed Pete Williams, familiarly cajjed
‘Uncle Pete.’
Doctors, lawyers, ministers, statesmen,
officials, high and low, and even foreign dig
nitaries, have all paid their tribute to this
mysterious personage. ;
In his presence the distinctions of wealth,
position and character, die as by enchant
ment. The while-gloved aristocrat, the buck
ram pimp of fashionable life, so fat loses his
drawing room tastes, as to join harmonious
bands with the greasy fingered negress. In
his presence, too, all social and political an
tagonisms are forgotten, and northern and
southern demagogues in ‘glorious union,’ for
sooth, take the floor with Five Point wenches,
(superior to themselves, us sinning from ne
cessity, they from choice,) leaning on their
arras.
The room was some twenty feet square,
and ten feet from floor to ceiling. When 1
had regained my self-possession, I commen
ced looking'about me. At my left stood a
score of beings of both sexes, some well and
soma ill dressed, and some scarcely dressed
at all, grouped together at a counter, on which
stood a basket of cigars, tumblers, and a
number of half emptied decanters, • which
were in a few moments thoroughly drained
and replaced by others.
On the same side, midway the room, and
elevated some three feet, sal two colored men,
one with a violin, the other with a tambourine,
while all around the sides was a mongrel row
of lolling, smoking, jesting, laughing men
and women.
Among ihero sat a sharp featured, dark
whiskered, black-eyed andgentlemanly dress
ed Saxon, with bis arm clasping the waist of
a low necked, short-sleeved, flat-nosed, wide
nostrilled, thick-lipped slouched E'faiopiao,
while above them hung a picture of our
country’s father. Shall that arm ever again
clasp mother, sister, daughter, or .wife 1
A blow from the fist of the presiding ge
nius on the low desk before him was ihe sig-
Features of New York Life.
nal for another ‘breakdown.’ A dozen cou
ples were on the floor in as many seconds,
and the dance commenced. ‘Up, down, for
ward, backward, right, left, cross,’ in quick
succession was beard, followed by many and
as rapid evolutions. The spirit of the dance
is fully aroused; on flies the fiddle bow fast
er and faster; on jingles tambourine, ’gainst
bead and heels, knee and elbow, and- on
smash the dancers. The excitement becomes
general. Every fool, leg, arm, head, lip and
body are all in motion. Sweat, swear, fiddle,
dance, shout and stamp, underground, in
smoke and dhst, and putrid air! (O thou
Christ! in this image didst thou make roan,
and for such as these did thou die!”
Such is the graphic description of a dance
house, given by (his intelligent and self sac
rificing divine, and even this picture, thus
masterly drawn, is not dark enough (or the
dark original; for these midnight orgies of
the most depraved of both sexes, seldom end,
without bloody noses, black eyes and swollen'
lips, and often murder. It is to such haunts
that thieves who have lived expiration of
their sentence to Blackwell’s Island or the
Stale Prison, return, to run the same career
of crime, and meet the same penalty when
delected. The Five Points fire fatal to all
good ; and as well might the mariner of yore
attempt to steer through Charbydis and Scyl
la, as a resident of that locality escape being
swallowed up in the vortex of corruption.—
A criminal man cannot there reform; there
is not a small saving plank, be must wreck
again.
It is in this pandemonium that parents, for
getting the strongest instinct of the human
bosom, parental affection, which is the last
divine attribute that leaves them, train their
sons in all the wily ways of the adept thief,
.and the young daughter, just flowering and
blossoming into womanhood, to forget the
promptings of innocence, and tread the paths
of shame and prostitution. How horrible it
is to reflect on such depravity, and how dread
ful is the punishment visited even by nature
herself on the victims of transgression !
The young girls who commence a dissolute
life never ripen into womanhood. Directly
they commence to sin, like flowers with the
‘worm in the'bud,” they commence to fade,
and in a few short years, poor, wan, and
blasted things, ‘unannealed’ and unpilied, they
are gathered like rubbish, and thrown into
Poller’s Field. —Life Illustrated.
A Battle Incident.
At the battle of the Thames a laughable
incident occurred, which is thus related by
one who was in the engagement :
open order, with the-cannon pointing ■
the road, by which the Americans were ad
vancing. General Harrison immediately took
advantage of this and ordered Colonel John
son’s mounted regiment to charge at speed by
heads of companies, (so as to expose the least
possible front,) pass through the open inter
vals and form in the rear of the British for
ces. This movement was brilliantly execu
ted by the battalion under the command of
Lieut. Col. James Johnson, his brother, Col.
Richard M. Johnson, at the same time char
ging the Indians with the other battalion.
It happeneilhal in.one of the companies
under James Johnson’s command, there- was
a huge, brawny fellow, named Lamb; he
weighed about two hundred and forty pounds
as good humored as big, brave men prover
bially are. Lamb had broken down his Ken
tucky horse by his great weight and was
mounted instead upon a short, stout wild Ca
nadian pony, from whose sides his long limbs
depended almost to the ground, while his
bulky frame rose high above the beast, look
ing not unlike an overgrown boy astride of a
rough sheep.
When the charge was made Lamb’s pony
took fright and broke into a run. Lamb
pulled until the bit broke in the animal’s
mouth, and all command of him was lost.
The little pony stretched himself to the work,
dashed out of the ranks, soon out-stripped all
the file leaders and rushed on in advance of
the company. Lamb was no longer master
of his horse or himself, and he was in a quan
dry. If he rolled off he would be tram
pled to death by his friends ; if the horse
lushed upon the British lines with him, so far
ahead of the rest he must be killed.' Either
way seemed inevitable, and, to use his ex
pression, he thought “he’d jtsl say something
they could tell his friends in old Kentucky
when they went home.”
He stuck both heels in the pony’s flanks
and urged him to his utmost speed. On they
drove, some fifty yards in from of the leading
file, Lamb's gigantic person swaying from
side to side, and his legs swinging in a most
portenlious manner—the little Canadian “pul
ling foot” all he knew how, his tail straight,
hts nostrils distended, his ears pinned back
and hts eyes flashing from under their shag
gy foretop, with all the spleen of a born devil.
Just as he got within a stride or two of the
British, Lamb flourished his rifle and roared
out in a voice of thunder, “clear out of the
way, for I am coming!” ,
To his surprise the line opened right and
left, and he passed through unhurt. So great
was' their astonishment at the strange appari
tion of such a rider, and such a horse-moving
upon them, with furious velocity, that they
opened mechanically at his word of command
and let him pass. As soon as he gained the
rear of their position, Lamb rolled on the
grass and suffered" his pony to go-on his own
road. A few minutes more and he was with
his comrades securing the prisoners.
An English writer says, in his.advice to
young married woman, that their mother,
Eve, ‘married a gardner.’ It might be added
that the gardner in consequence of his match,
lost bis situation. .
A Sad Story. ‘
The Cincinnati! Gazette relates the follow,
ing incident which occurred at: Xenia on the
4tb inst: * I
“Among the passengers in (he train from
Cleveland was a young- man perhaps 80, and
a lady some few years bis senior. The gen
tleman was plainly clad, but' the girl was
dressed in the extreme of fashion, and rouged
beyond brazen wamonness. It was frequent
ly observed by the passengers that the young
man appeared to be earnestly remonstrating
with (he girl, and seemed to be deeply affect
ed. At Xenia both left the cars, and it was
apparent that the course of each lay in differ
ent directions—the man to this city, and the
girl to the West. As the Cars were about
starting, the young man kissed her a hasty
good bye, and both burst into tears. The
conductor, seeing that there was aotne deep
grief at heart, invited,the gentleman (o a seat
in the baggage car, as more .secluded from
the gaze of the crowd. ‘Any vyhere,’ said he,
‘only coma with me. I'must speak to some
one, or my heart will break,’ •
After J becoming a little calmed, he said :
‘that lady and myself were raised together ;
with moss for carpets, a&orns for cups and
saucers, and pebbles for walks, we played in
childhood. She was a few years older than
myself, but we were inseperable. She grew
up to womanhood, was married, then sepa
rated from her husband, and sought the city
and became a wanton—a heartless disgraced
courtezan. Steeped in sin asi she is, shame
less as she may be, T could pot but kiss her
good-bye, for she is my sister! She has
already hurried a loving mother to the grave,
and brought disgrace upon : her brothers and
sisters. But while she acknowledges it all,
and sheds tears of apparent contrition and re
gret, no remonstrances can change her course.
She has just been home to make us a visit,
but has left again for her residence in the
city, to drown in the wantan’B|life the remem
brance of what she was, andwhat she might
have been. ‘Do you blame me then ?” turn
ing to the sympathizing conductor,"‘Tor weep
ing as I do over one so loved .'and fallen V ”
How They Catch Husbands Out West.
•—Unthinking gentleman, I Mr. Green, has
lady pul under bis charge by anybody, per
haps by gentlemanly strangqr, who, in con
fidence stj )e, asks him to see her ashore,
when they arive at Snagville. Mr. Green,
rather fascinated hy his young protege, more
or less. Very dull on boardjsleamboal, pas
sengers tired to death. Mij, Green prose
cutes intimacy, and meets with bewildering
success. Passengers continue to he very
eugbVa 'iVuuiun i mlnti a ituie scanuat I
just to pass the time. Green’s, young lady
is observed by other ladies—kind, good,
sweet ladies —lo cry a great deal in very
conspicuous parts of the vessel, and sud
denly muffle up her face and sob, or else
run. Lady passengers, full of pity, conclude
at once that Green is a wretch. Ask girl
if he isn’t; girl “boo-hook” Grand in
dignation scene ; gentlemen passengers hold
a meeting ; noble, impulsive hearts, let out
their fine manly feelings;: high-ioned moral
captain looks grimly and virtuously saga
cious ; winks to passengers. Takes Mr.
Green aside, and bullies him about the girl ;
Green turns blue. Captain balls him a vil
lain before the folks, and orders a marriage
forthwith. Green declines!. Captain pro
duces two revolvers, a bowie-knife, and a
clergyman. Green “caves in” and consents.
Young lady overwhelmed, ladies overwhelm
ed, everybody overwhelmed, especially the
captain’s clerk, who exchanges winks with
the bride when unobserved by the rest of
Iho parly. All cheerful ;f captain stands
champaigne ; gentlemen ; ladies
all sympathy to bride; dinner and report in
newspapers. Green turns up a widower
three days after among thje iPolicans. Bride
has run away with porl-mpnnaie_ and shirt
studs !” j
Incidents of the Late Disaster. —ln
the recent railroad disaster'to a freight train
on (he New York Central,|a (dll, slab-sided,
lank-haired Yankee drover was along with
six’horses in a car that was'.prccipita’ed down
the embankment. It rojle'd ovei and over
until it reached the bo’lomjof the hollow be
low, and rested upon its side. In a minute
or two, the terrible sublimity of the scene
was broken, and the consternation of the
spectators changed to upon seeing the
door of the upset car thrown open and the
head and body of the Vermont drover pro
jecting out of‘it; his elongated physiognomy
expressing the most unmitigated astonish
ment. - 1 • " -
"What on airth," he exclaimed, "ere ye
doin' on /” ! [
The effect was irresistibly comic, and the
spectators had to laugh, in spite of the ca
lamity.*
Apropos Retobt. —The Democratic pa
pers, quite generally, boihj North and South,
take occasion to use the financial panic and
the resulting misery atfiong the working
men of the free States to point a contrast
between the systems of slave and free labor
very much in favor of j the former. The
Mobile Mercury and the Post of our own
city are jubilant over , the condition of the
slave under the patriarchal distribution of
hog and hominy at the South. The former
paper exclaims , f
“Show us a single slave south of the Po
tomac who has not as much to eat as usual”—
to which Iho New Yorli Times very aptly
retorts •
“Show us a single cart horse north ol ths
Potomac which the crisji has deprived of bis
fodder." I i
Advertisements will be charged 91 per square of
fourteen lines, for one, or three insertions, and 25
cents fur every snbseqaent insertion. All advertise*
meats of less titan fourteen lines considered as a
equate. The following rates will be charged for
Quarterly, Half-Yearly and Yearly advertising;—
3 months. 6 months. 13 too’a
1 Square, (14 lines,) - *2 50 $4 50 9SOO
2 Squares,- . . . 400 600 800
J column, • ... 1000 15 00 20 00
1 column.. ... .1800 30 00 40 00
All advertisements not having the number of in.
sertions marked upon them, will be kept in nntil or.
dered oat, and charged accordingly.
Posters, Handbills, Bill, and Letter Heads, and all
kinds of Jobbing done in country establishments,
executed neatly and promptly. Justices’, Consta.
bles’ and other BLANKS, constantly on hand and
printed to order. ’
m. xix.
,Tha Rev. John Johnson, D. D., Jala of
Newburgh, New York'&vas full of anecdotes
respecting bis own adventures among the
people whom he was in the habit of visiting
on very familiar terms.! Indeed, he was
pretty well known by every man, woman and
child in the town, where he lived and preached
for half a century, A correspondent tells us
one of the many pleasant incidents in which
the good mao’s life abounded :
Walking out back of his house, where a
new street .was opening, he saw an Irishman,
hard at work with a crowbar, striving to
dislodge a huge stone from the ground where
it was held fast by the roots of a tree. His
patience was fairly exhausted by the vain
struggles he made and at last, he exclaimed,
in a passion :
“The devil lake it! The devil take it!”
The old pastor approached him, and,
quietly-remarked that he ought not to make
such free use of the name of the Evil One,
and certainly not wish to throw such a big
stone as that at him. The Irishman was
quiet in a minute, and striking his,' crowbar
into the ground, and leaning leisurely on it,
he turned up his face at once to the Doctor
and the sunlight, while roguishly played those
indescribable forerunners of genuine Irish
wit, be replied':
“Och, then, and it is yourself that’s findin’
a fault wid me for sayin’ that same, when
its. yees and the like.of yees that’s paid by
the years for abusin’ the ould gintleman all
thd time!’’
The old pastor turned away to smile, and
enjoy the retort.
The Pisrot.—An Irishman driven to des
peration by the stringency of the money
market, and the high price of provisions,
procured a pistol and look to the road.
Meeting a traveler, he stopped him with,
“Your money or your life 1”
Seeing that Pat was green, he said : “I’ll
give you all my money tor that pistol.”
“Agreed,”
Pat received the money and handed over
the pistol.
“Now,” said the traveler, “hand back that
money, or I’ll blow your brains out!”
“Blizzard away, me hearthy,” said Pat,
“divil the dhrop of powtber there’s in it,
shure!”
Two Irishmen who were traveling .together
got out of money, and being in want of a
drink of whiskey, devised the following ways
and means :
Patrick catching a frog out of the brook
went ahead, and at the very first tavern he
cntiumr rv -*asf, ’
“Why it is a frog,” said the landlord.
“No sir,” said Pal, “it is a mouse.”
“It is a frog,” replied the landlord.
“It is a mouse,” and I will leave it to the
first traveler that comes this way for a pint
of whiskey.
“Agreed,” said the landlord. ,
Murphy soon arrived, and to him was the
appeal ihide. After much examination and
deliberation, he declared it to be a mouse ;
and the landlord, in spile of the evidence of
his senses, paid the bet.
Wo copy the following queer anecdote
from the Gateshead (Eng.) Observer :
“An American minister called upon Mr.
Spurgeon, and said,-in the conversation, that
he had a congregation in the Stales of over
three thousand people. Spurgeon: And
have you blacks in your congregation 1 Jona.
than : Oh, yes. And do you all worship
together, or do you have partitions and cur.
tains? Oh, the blacks are behind a curtain.
And do you take the Lord’s supper with the
blacks behind a curtain ? Oh, yes. Now,
sir, do you 'know what a monomaniac is ?
Oh; yes. Well, sir, lam a monomaniac—a
monomaniac on the subject of slavery. (And
Spurgeon dashed his hand into his pocket,
and, bringing out his penknife opened it.)
Yes, sir, lam a perfect monomaniac. I’ve
no control over myself, sir; and if you stay
here ten minutes longer, I may put this knife
into you hypocritical bosom. So I warn you.
Be off? I feel it rising on me ! be off, I say.
(And be hustled Jonathan to the door, ner
vously handling the knife all the- while.)
“And did you really mean to stick the lel
low !” said the friend to whom he related the
story. “Why, no,” said he “perhaps not
quite that; but lam going to America before
long, and I wanted them to know before I
go, that they won’t humbug me about
Slavery.”
Life in Arkansas. — A stranger was qui
etly riding along the wood, when a rifle
cracked and a ball tore through his hat. He
pulled Up and discovered an old settler
“dodging under the smoke to see whether ho
had 'brought the varmint.’ ” The following
talk ensued :
“What in h 1 did you shoot at me
for?”
“Excuse me, stranger; I’m considered
powerful quick on the trigger, I am, stranger,
jand as I just noticed you cornin’ through the
timber, I allowed that you were riding my
horse Bill. But now, I look closer ana see
my Bjll ar whiter about the legs. It’s a
mighty fine day stranger. ‘Won’t you step
to my cabin, just on the far edge of the next
clearing,’ and take a horn ? I've got a gourd
of as powerful fine whisky as you ever
sol to.”
To give brilliancy To the eyes, shut them
early at night, and open early in the morn,
ing; let the mind beiconstantly intent on the
acquisition of human knowledge, or the ex
ercise of benevolent feelings. This will
scaicely ever fail to impart loth* eyes an
intelflgen! and amiable expres&ko.
Bates of Advertising.
Tit for Tat.