jFVtim tie Corning Journal
Songs that We Sung Together.
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On many & soil I've wandered,
. And eaited'on many * tea;
J have heard, lha eoqg* of Swiwlfutd,
And the musio'.of Italy j
'But none do I love so dearly
As those of my native clime !
The songs that we song together
In the years of the olden lime.
•Thpre is many a eprightlicr measure,
And many a gayer air ;
Bat nono have[e*-»wccl a cadence.
As those that arc treasured there.
There was life in fhe good old music,
- And health in the good old rhyme
Of the songs that wo sung together—
Sweet eonga of the oldeu time.
When the oak was piled on the hearthstone,
And blazed in tho chimney high;
With the best of old.tashioned singing,
We hastened the evening by.
And onr voices cheerfully blending ' '
Rang out in a merry chimo,
As wo lingered and eang together
The song of tho oldeu time.
Oh t the voices that used to sing them,
And tho hearts that onoo loved them beet;
They ate scattered and gone, —or broken,
And some have lain down to rest.
’And ell of Life's later Journey
, Hath never a pleasant thyme,
Like tho songs that we sung together
In the years of the olden lime. Lin.
i TEIPBRINCB STORY.
From the People's Organ.
THE WIFE’S MISTAKE.
A TEMTERANCE STORY.
DI JACK BRACE.
“ Pet, if it annoys you to see me drink a
glass of wine, I will lake the temperance
pledge. I would rather do it than make you
unhappy ”
“ There is no occasion for that, dear. ]
have no objection to your taking one glass of
wine, or even of brandy. 1 don’t think there
is any harm in that; but three or four a day,
as you sometimes take, makes you ill-natured
and cross, and I don’t love you a bit when
vou are sc.’’
“ My dear wife, you do not mean to say I
get drunk *”
“By no means; but then you just take
enough to make you ugly.’’
“ Then I will lake-the pledge,” said Chas,
Murray, deeply hurl at the reflection, not al
together unjust, which the wife ho adored had
cast upon him
“ Indeed, Murray, 1 hope yon will do no
such thing. I pity n man who cannot res
train himself without a pledge. I should not
have much confidence in his pledges, f can
tell voc ”
“ 1 believe, mv dear, that mv will is strong
enough to resist anv temptation to evil of
which 1 am forewarned : but we all have mo
ments of weakness-—of forgetfulness—when
the necessity of an indexible rule of action, to
prevent us from going aslray, is fell. If I
took the pledge, 1 should keep it; but if I
merely determine to observe what vou call
moderation. I should not feel the same res
traint when custom or pressing occasion re
nutred mo to depart from it ”
“ 1 will he bound, if vou can do without
drinking, as a temperance man you can do
without it otherwise, and I don’t think one
glass does any harm."
As vou please, darling. Ido not believe
mvsclf in any danger of becoming a sot ; but
remember, I offered to join, and you would
not let me. Onlv tbum, pet; 1 might lake
to lecturing,” added Charles Murray, playful
is “ Come, what do vou sav 7 Let us go
down to the Hall to-night, and I will make
mv maiden temperance speech,’
“ 1 shah ao no suet, tiling,” said pretty
little Mrs. M., ouito nositivclv : “ that is just
what f obtcct to. 1 suspected you would
po to spoutint! as soon ns you joined, and
1 have no wish to see vour name in the pa
pers as a relormeo drunkard. Resides, I
i don’t (limit u is respectable to be an itiner
ant lecture;.
Charles Murray onlv shook his head in re
pis, (or ho svas too sagacious to have any
iunher controversy on the subiect
“ Wei., pel, I’ii itive up the pledge ; nnd
since vou wih not po to the Temperance
Hal,, perhaps vou would not object to tlie
Broadwav Theatre 1 am at your service
for the cvcnir.
A smile of thanks from the young wife re
paid his offer, nnd with light nnd merry
hearts —for Charier' “crossness” had all
cvanoralcd —the two went out for an even
ing’s enjoymen.
As Charles had said, there appeared but
little danger of his becoming a sol; hut he
was sociable, pood natured, and very affable
in hii manners, so that he frequently found
it exceedingly hard to resist the well-meant
importunities of his associates, ns he was ex
ceedingly averse to giving offence, and had
no better plea to offer for his refusal than
disinclinalio;.
“Come, Charley, join us in a glass,” some
one would sat
"Excuse me, if you please ; I had ralher
no; ”
"Nonsense. I drank with you this mor
ning. Come, only one glass. We are not
going to dissipate ''
And so, rather than offend, as I have said,
by refusal, Charles would comply.
On one occasion shortly after the'scene I
have related between his wife and himself,
Murray met an old schoolmate in Broadway,'
whom he had not seen for many years.
"Charley, I am delighted to see you ;
know you were in New York, but have been
too busy to find you out. Sorry, as lam off
for Europe in the morning.’ 1
"Fred, old fellow,” said Charles, shaking
him warmly by the hand, “1 am sorry my
self. 1 did not know you had arrived. But
as you do not go until morning, can’t you
spend the evening with mo. You have never
seen Julia.'
“Impossible my dear follow —great as the
temptation is; but wo will not part thus. —
lou must dine with me at the Astor. I
have two friends already engaged. Come, 1
Won’t take nay lor an answer. Your wife
will excuse you when you tell her how it
. Charles had on indistinct recollec
tion that his wife had requested him to be
home early that afternoon ; but when he had
not sfeen Fred Hartly for two years, and
should not probably meet him in two more;
so he acquiesced ; and hurrying to his office,
he despatched a line to Julia,—hi. home was
in Brooklyn,—and rejoined his friends at the
.Aster
T H I?
I n Ji
ftefcotei? to ti&e ssjcttit»tott ot tt>e Etta of iFmOom of Uttim.. |
COBB, STURROOK & CO.,
YOL 1.
I will not pause to describe' the usual
scenes of a social meeting between friends,
where custom lias made the wine cup a con
secrated pledge ; where tho dowers of true
and generous sentiments are so beautifully
woven around its rim, that the poison which
sparkles beneath loses all its dread,
those who were forewarned.
It was late, quite late, when Charles Mur
ray got home that evening, and it pnusl be
confessed he was just a little tipsy, or he
would not have stumbled up the steps, or. giv
en quite so'fierce d pull at the bell.
It was fiis wife who let him in; her face
pale with watching, and her eyes bright with
unusual excitement.
“Why, pel,” said Charley, trying to ap
pear exceedingly sober, “what’s the mailer 7
you look pale,”
“What’s the matter with you? Tell me
that,” was the somewhat tart reply, “A
nice lime to come homo, and a nice state
you are in.” I
“A nice slate, madam! What do you
mean 7”
“There don’t make a noise and wake up
the house; I should not like any body else
to see you. Mother’s up stairs; site waited,
expecting you to go hqfae with her, but had
to slay all night.”
“There’s nothing the matter with me, my
dear,” said Charley, desiring to pacify mat
ters. “I couldn’t leave my friends, who
were going away, any earlier ; that’s all.”
“Nothing the matter with you !” was the
rather sharp rejoinder; “why, don’t I smell
your breath? Oh, you need not kiss me
now; it’s rather late, and I am not fond of
drunken breath ; and didn’t I hear you stum
ble up the steps, and almost break the bell
wire ! Nothing the matter with you, in
deed !”
Charles felt qonsidernbly irritated at his
wife's sharp reproof, and some angry words
passed—the first of serious anger since they
were married. The husband, however, was
sufficiently himself to desist first, and dog
gedly betook himself to bed, in no very satis
factory humor with himself or anybody else.
A happy oblivion soon stole over him, and
ho did not awake until just before daylight,
when his throat felt parched Jup with thirst.
On feeling for bis wife’s pillow he found it
vacant, and quickly striking'a light, saw her
lying on a pallet on the fldor, where had
sobbed herself asleep.
Charles’ heart felt like lead, and his spirit
was sore with contrition. To lift Julia light
ly on the bed, as not to disturb her slum
ber, was the work of a moment; and to
watch like a penitent until she awoke, was
his self-imposed task. Their reconciliation,
however, was by no means so complete and
cordial next morning ns it should have been.
The lady had the whip-hand, and seemed
very much disposed to keep it; while Charles,
who otherwise never lost his natural dignity,
appeared considerably down.
“By Jove!” said Murray to himself, after
his wife had gone down to the kitchen, “I
must have a thimble full of billers this morn
ing, for 1 am all up in a heap.”
And so, without more ado, he quietly open
ed the closet, poured out, and had just swal
lowed a morning dram, when his heller half
came right upon him. This occasioned ano
ther scone of a scornful sneer on his wife’s
part, and on angry retort from the husband,
so that breakfast passed off cold and formal,
nod Murray went to his business with some
thing like desperation at his heart.
* r** - y- *-***#
“Nothing,” said Julia, delermined like a
true wife, not to expose her husband, angry
as she was with him.
“But there is something and,l can very
well guess what it is. Your husband dined
with friends yesterday, and perhaps came
home a little exhilarated.”
“Well, 1 should think that was enough.”
“Not to make you treat him unkindly.—
Gentlemen will do such things, and kindness
is the best corrective, especially with persona
ns sensitive as your husband.”
“But it is not the "only lime, and he is al
ways so cross and ugly when he is so.”
“I fear you give him occasion, my child,
by showing irritation unnecessarily.”
“Well it puts me out of patience Jo see a
man drink more than he ought to.”
“My dear, I don’t think your husband is
in any very eminent danger of becoming a
drunkard ; but why don’t you persuade him
to take the pledge ; 1 know he would keep it;
and I have heard him speak very highly of
the temperance movement. That would ob
viate all danger.”
“ He did offer to take it two or three weeks
ago, when I spoke to him before about drink
ing ; but 1 objected.”
"And why did you object!”
"Because I couldn’t bear to see him lake a
pledge not to drink. It looked sb much like
a reformed drunkard ; and then ho talked
about lecturing, and I wouldn’t have him do
such a thing for the world.”
“You committed a great error in opposing
his wish, my daughter, which I hope you
will rectify the first opportunity, and as to
his speaking, I should feel proud to hear
him.”
“Well, I would not, then, I nm sure, and
I do not sec why he cannot quit drinking
without any pledge.”
It would be hard to explain Mrs. Murray’s
objections to her husband’s joining the tem
perance society, or becoming on advocate of
that great and glorious cause; they were
founded rather on prejudice than reason, and
yet bow often do we find the conduct in good
and estimable wives who allow a mistaken
fastidiousness to stand in the way of their
own peace and happiness.
The good old mother, after giving her
daughter much sensible advice, returned home
in the course of the day with some sorrow at
WEtySBOBOUGH, TIOGA fOUSTY, PA., THUKSPAY MOKNISG, EEBRUABA' 15,1555.
-• * *
hearty because of what she had witnessed;—
The breach between Charles Murray and his
wife, however, grew' wider and wider. He
thought her exciting and quarrelsome", and
she almost decided him to be'a j brute. And
to confess the truth, Charles’ habits'were be
comin/somewhat inebriate,Tor although with
out any natural love of stimulants, he rather
took a glass or two more than usual, just to
show his independence.
“1 offered to take the pledge and you op
posed it,” said he one day, in reply to his
wife's taunts. . ■
“A fig for the pledge. If your love forme
and your self-respect will not restrain you, the
pledge will be of no avail,” •
■ Charles said nothing for this was a home
trust; and yet he felt that she was not alto
gether right. His virtue was an active senti
ment, and required .exercise ; and though he
had never believed himself in ganger from the
use of intoxicating drinks, yet he looked on
total abstinence as the only safe rule of tem
perance ; and finding that the habit had
grown unconsciously upon him, had contem
plated recently taking the pledge quietly and
privately.
“And 1 can tell you what it is, Mr. Mur
ray,” continued his wife, “I am going over
to mothers to spend a week, and I have a
great notion to stay until you quit your iiafa-
Ito **
“I am sure, my dear, I have no objection
to your staying a week with your mother,”
was the husband’s reply.
The wife went to her mothers, and for a
day or two they did not meet.
“Why has not Charles been upT” asked
the mother, on the third evening of her daugh
ter’s visit. “Is he out of the city ?”
“No, but he is too glad to get a holiday, I
suppose, that he may a frolic with his friends.”
“My daughter, 1 am sure you wrong him.
I fear, indeed, you have been too harsh with
your husband. I wish you had taken my
advice, and encouraged him to become a
member of the temperance society.”
“I wish I had done anything that would
have prevented this, for it is misery,” was
the heartfelt ejaculation of his wife, who was
as unhappy.and wretched as the poor hus
band, whom she still loved devotedly. ■
“Come with me to-night then, Julia; there
is an eloquent advocate of temperonce to
speak at Hope Chapel, and perhaps he may
overcome our prejudices.”
It was aprowdedand fashionablepudience,
and the eloquent pleadings of the orator
touched a chord of sympathy in every breast.
Never was a more thrilling effect produced
hy a public speaker; the pent up emotions
of the audience relieved themselves in tears,
pure and holy enough to have washed away
the sins of a generation !
Among all lhai crowd, however, there was
not one on whose heart such an impression
was made, as upon the young wife’a. Be
fore the clear and beautiful light of reason
and of duty, her prejudices vanished like
mists ; and when she appreciated the moral
elevation of that speaker; pleading with
such pathos in the cause of humanity, and
holding tributary to the power of his oratory,
the hearts of that cultivated and refined audi
ence, she felt she would have been proud to
see her husband occupy the same position.
Julia and her mother had arrived late, and
been obliged to take a seat where they had
but an imperfect view of the speaker, though
every word he uttered fell upon their ears
distinctly. When ho had finished, he propo
sed that the audience should listen to a few
remarks from one who had recently deter
mined to take the pledge. This speaker
modestly declined to gel upon the platform,
but stood on the floor fronting the audience,
and could not consequently be seen by those
further back. He commenced in a subdued
but manly lone, his voice trembled with emo
tion, and his accents eloquent with feeling,
lie had scarcely spoken a dozen words be
fore our young wife, whose head had been
bowed in weeping, started up, and grasping
her companion by the arm, exclaimed—
“ Mother! mother 1 It is my husband 1”
“Hist, my child ! Don’t bo nervous; lis
ten ; he does not know that you erro hero; so
for your own sake and his bo quiet.”,
And oh 1 with what eagerness did that
fond and trembling wife listen to the loved
accents as they grew stronger and bolder in
the good cause, until the lido of feeling and
enthusiasm swelled around the speaker to
greater fulness than ever. With what prido
did she witness a triumph such as is seldom
won in forensic displays. He told his own
story with extreme delicacy—touched lightly
upon the mistake committed by the beloved
partner of his bosom—blamed himself so
frankly for his faults, and describes with
such fervid pathos the sweet hopes to which
his act of this night had given birth, reveal
ing an unclouded future of domestic happi
ness, that although many thought he had
improvised a little romance for the occasion,
all rendered the unrestrained testimony of
tears and sympathy to his wondrous elo
quence !
The countenance of Charles Murray was
sad, though hallowed by a triumph, as he
made his way through the crowd, where
wreathed smiles and admiring glances were
his reward. He had almost reached the
door, when he felt a slight touch on his arm,
and a low voice muttered—
“Charles, my husband.”
"Julia! you here?”
11 Yes, you will como with us 1”
A proud and happy man was Chas. Mur
ray that night. Mutual forgiveness wiped
off all unpleasant recollections of the past ;■
and the dove of peace has never since depar
ted from their household I
‘‘That’s a good impression,” as the girl
said when kissed by a printer.
T L\
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“TUB AGITATION OP THOUGHT IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM.”.
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A Seasonable Poc-Ism.
* , 1
“Bark the cutters with their bells!
Silver beIUS chiming bells!
What'a tale of merriment
Their melody foretells.
As they tinkle, tinkle; tinkle,
! On the icy sir of night.
Till the stars that oversprinkle ;
i All the heavens, seem to twinkle >
With a nebulous delight—
Keeping time—time—lime, ,•
In a kind of Rnnle'rbymo ‘
To the tinlinabulation
That so musfcally'swells
IVom the rhyming and the chiming of tbs bells.”
THRILLING Mil HIT Ilf.
Story of a Horrible Tragedy.—
Murder of a Husband.
I think it was in the' year 1839, that a
physician, whose name need not be repealed
here, fled from below Quebec to Vermont,
where he was speedily arrested on a charge
of foul and ciuel murder, alleged to have been
by him committed in a Seigniory near the St.
Lawrepce; he was ‘accused of having taken
the life of an estimable gentleman, a young
and wealthy Seignior, the father of two fine
children, at/the instigation of their mother,
then under 24 years of age, a woman of re
fined manners, good education, remarkable
beauty, and aristocratic family connections.
The only question mooted in the Ver
mont tribunals was whether the law of na
tions, in the absence of a special treaty, au
thorized Slate authorities to seize persons ta
king refuge within their territories and de
liver them over to a foreign power to be tlried
for life. The Republican Courts decided that
it did not. The physician was, of course,
released, and when Gov. Van Ness became
Collector of Customs at the port of New York,
I urged him to relate all the circumstances
he could recollect, including the law points.
The memoranda I still preserve,
Many years elapsed ; I returned to Canada
and to public life, and being on business in
Quebec, r6quested persons of advanced years
and undoubted veracity, residing in and near
the place where theimurder had been com
mitted, to narrate the facts just as they oc
curred. WefKrpay we exclaim, “ Truth is
more wonderfuj than fiction,”
Mrs. was on a visit to Quebec, where
she met with Dr. , whom it is said she
had been acquainted with before her mar
riage ; they agreed that her affectionate hus
band should be poisrfned ; a servant woman
who had been long upon the seigniory under
its feudal chiefs, was sorely templed with a
heavy bribe to go down to and admin
ister poison to her master, and she went;
stopped at the manor-house; gave him
enough of the poison in beer to sicken, hut
not to kill: relented; returned to her mis
tress at Quebec, and told her that she could
not find in her heart to further injure the
seignior; her conscience would not permit;
sho could not do it. All this look place du
ring the winter of 183-.
Ur. and ’the lady were, of course,
displeased with her, and they finally conclu
cled that he must go down himself and do the
dreadful work ; ho accordingly crossed the.
St. Lawrence, traveling along in his carriole
to , where he called upon the seignior,
asking him to take a drive with him ih his
carriole; and they went to barn of a farm
not far distant to see,some cattle, wherc lhe
Dr. suddenly struck the seignior on the head
with the butt end of his heavy pistol till he
became senseless. The murderer then drag,
ged him back to the carriole, laid him in the
bottom of it, put the robes on him, and then
sat in it with his feet on the body. From
thence Dr. drove to the beach, intend
ing to bury his victim in the ice ; on the way,
however, the seignior recovered his senses so
far ns to scream amj' moan faintly. ' Some
of the habitants met the carriole, and asked
what the doctor had got in his carriage, \yho
replied, “ A pig he had bought, and was In
king home, and which he kept under his feet
to prevent his esedpe,”
At the beach, the butchery was completed,
but the murderer had so mangled the body
that the blood ran down from his carriole
and left a red track or streak upon the snow,
extending for a groat distance from the spot
where the corpse was hid, buried under huge
pieces of ice, on the south shore of the great
river of Canada.
Terror speedily look hold of tho strong
man—he felt the whole guilt of his dreadful
position, and pulling his horse to its full speed
reached Point Levi at 2 o’clock next morn
ing, where he slopped at a poor man’s house,
and asked the wife to let him lie down and
rest on a bed, but not to touch his sleigh and
robes as he bad just come from a medical
operation, the blood from which had been
spill on the furs, fre thus rest until four
and then rose and made the best qf his way
to Vermont, it having been arranged between
him and the wife of the innocent and very
estimable gentleman < that he had slain,
that she was soon to follow him toa place
agreed on. She, however, wrote him
first, and he replied (hat he never wished to
see or hear from her again ; and I believe he
never did. Whether be yet lives I have not
ascertained. His brother belonged to the
church, was at the lime a teacher of youth,
cheerful, pious, and well beloved. From the
day of that flight he never again held up his
head among men, but speedily drooped and
died of a broken heart.
There was great excitement in those days,
at Quebec; the young seignior’s body was,
of course, soon found, being readily traced
by the [train of blood upon the beach and
road; the worthy gentleman had been at
once missed and very diligently searched far.
The womanat Pdint Levi had also told that
Dr. —’s looks had actually filled hcr with
such extreme terror, that sbe did* not even
PUBLISHERS is PROPRIETORS.
dare to wakb up her husband, but allowed
(he'stra'nger to resti Bs he desired, too much
afraid to venture to propound any leading
questions, , 1
The servant woman, on her return from
,knowing of the foul murder that had
taken place, told in Quebec to many persons
who it'was that had sent her down, and for
what purpose she had been sent. A public
trial was.soon to have taken place; but she
being the main witness, wag at once got rid
of; certain soldiers were hired to entice her
to a house of public entertainment, where- a
riotlwas purposely got up, and it was so con
trived that she was beaten to death in the
quarrel. Whether the two infants were then
at , ,or sojourning up at Quebec with
their barbarous mother, I dm not informed.
The newspapers of Canada and the United
Stales were at one time filled with the details
of this horrible story, and it was publicly
said that the connections of the seignioress
did not desire any trial,, I presume they did
not. She soon married again, is still alive
and asked leave, not long since, to return to
the manor-house of her youth, but was plain
ly told by the villagers that if she ventured
to do so, the inhabitants would assemble and
stone her out of the domain.
Mr.. , thus barbarously murdered, was
of small stature, young, active; well liked
by his neighbors; esteemed os a good mao
and generous proprietor, and was very weal
thy. He doted on his cruel and treacherous
bride; he actually idolized her. Some even
affirm that she was attached to Dr. be
fore marrying the rich Canadian gentleman,
whom she wedded for his wealth, to please
her parents. Even now, it is affirmed she is
a fine-looking woman ; but singularly coura
geous and deep in love must that man have
been who ventured upon such a partner for
life’s long journey.
Several curious incidents are related at
Quebec, as to evidence taken and evidence
not taken, and the way the foul deed was
finally hushed up, but 1 shall not burden this
brief narrative with them. Much do we hear
of nobility of soul, and elevation of sentiment,
but from the days in which King David or
dered the man he had deeply wronged to be
placed in the heat of the battle, in order that
he might be there butchered, down to the ter
rible St. Lawrence tragedy of 1839, human
nature has ever been ungovernable and
treacherous—religion in some limes has
stayed its cruelties—but all history proves
that “ the heart of man is deceitful above all
things, and desperately wicked.”
McKenzie's Message.
A Catalogue of marvels.
The report of the Patent Office contains a
list of wonders. The report explains the
principles of the celebrated Hobbs lock. Its
‘unpickability’ depends upon a secondary or
false set oflumblers, which prevent instru
ments used in picking, from reaching the real
ones.' Moreover, the lock is powder-proof,
and many be loaded through the key-hole,
and fired off until the burglar is tired of his
fruitless work, or fears that the report of bis
explosions will bring to experiments,
more wimesses than he desires.
Doors and shutters have also been patented,
and cannot be broken through with either
pick or sledge hammer. The burglar's ‘oc
cupation’s gone.’
A harpoon is described, which makes the
whale kill himself. The more ho pulls the
line, the deeper goes the harpoon.
An ice-making machine has been patented,
which goes by a steam engine. In an ex
perimental trial, it froze several bottles of
sherry, and produced blocks of ice of a cu
bic foot, when the thermometer was standing
at 80 degrees. It is calculated that for every
ton of coal put into the furnace, it will make
a lon of ice.
From Fr. Gale’s examiner's report, we
gather some idea of the value of pathpts. A
man who had made a slight improvement in
straw cutters look a model of his machine
through the Western States, and after a tour
of eight months returned with forty thousand
dollars. Another had a machine to thrash
and clean grain, which in fifteen months he
sold for sixty thousand dollars. These are
ordinary cases—while such inventions as the
telegraph, the planing machine, and India
rubber patent, are worth millions each.
Examiner Lane's report describes new
electrical inventions. Among these is an
electrical whaling apparatus, by which,the
whale is literally ‘shocked to death.’ Anoth
er is an electro magnetic alarm, which rings
bells and displays signals in case of fire or
burglars. Another is an electricclock, which
wakes you, tells you what lime it is, and
lights a lamp for you at any hour you
please.
There is a ‘sound gatherer,’ a sort of huge
ear trumpet, to be placed in front of a loco
motive, bringing to the engineer’s ear all the
noise ahead, perfectly distinct, notwithstand
ing the rattle of the train.
There is an invention that picks up pins
from a confused heap, turns them all around
with their heads up, and sticks them in paper
in regular rows.
Another goes through the whole process of
cigar making, taking in leaves, and turning
out the pure article.
One machine cuts cheese; another scours
knives and forks : another rocks the cradle;
and seven or eight take in washing and,iron-
mg.
There is a parlor chair patented, that can
not be tipped back on two legs, nod a railway
chair, that can be lipped back in any position
without Jegs at all.
Another patent is for a machine that counts
the passengers in an omnibus, and lakes their
fares. When n very fat gentleman gels in, it
counts two and charges double.
"•i >.» ■„
k *; Iw ?
NO. 81.
There are a variety or guas patented, I bit
load themselves^ -a fish line that adjusts its
own bait j ahff a fat,trap.
rat, and;then Bails ittetf and stdiJds "in tbs
c*h«r for another. '' ‘ '
The truths tifthoPafent Otoa«iitra».
ger than-fiction.',- ;■
Thete ikh machine, alsii;M#hi&ii4i&ii
prints instead of writing httfwbtigh‘& ' K*is
played like a piano,’ Atfd.sj&k'ingofpmhds,
it is estimated that nine thousand |
every year in, the United States, grving'cm*
slant employment to one thousand ninelitni
dred hands, and costitig over two millions of
dollars. ' ■■ 1
A Yankee In the Wrong Box.-,
At a recent Sessions, while the judge and
jury were eating their dinners, a young irian
from the ‘ kednlry’, being somewhat,.anxiqps
to see the manner in which justice was njqied
out, walked into the courtroom, and, as ho
afterward expressed himself, ilook a squint
at ell the seats, and seein’ there wasn’t np>
body in the. nicest one, with a railin’’ al| fa
round it, thought he’d make sure on it,’fore
the fellers got back fronrdinner.’
In five minutes after tbe'crpwd entered the
room, the Judge rapped the desk with the
bult-end of bis jack-knife, and with a, dig
nified frown, cried : ,
“ Silence’n the Court!”
“ Silence’n ihe Court 1” repealed the broad*
shouldered constoble, leaning on the railipg
in front of bis Honor, who immedltlely
resumed the occupation of picking his teeth
with a pin.
“ Silence’n the Court!” echoed In squeak
ing (ones a small red-headed constable near
the door; and ihe It iter speaker immediately
commenced elbowing the crowd, right and
left, to let them know (hat he was around I
“ All ready ?” says the Judge.
“ All ready I” replied the 'Attorney.
“Command the prisoner I 'to stand up I,”
says the Judge, “ while the indictment is
read !”
The broad-shouldered constable now walked
up to the prisoner’s box, during the apparent
momentary absence of the sheriff, placed his
hands on the shoulder of the young man, and
exclaimed—
“ Stand up !!*
“What furl” said Ihe astonished young
farmer.
“To hear the charge read!” exclaimed
the constable.
“ Wall, I guess I kin hear what’s goin’on,
without standin,” as well as the rest on 'em,’
was the reply.
“ Stand up !” roared the Judge, in a burst
of passion—he had just bit his tongue, while
picking his teeth ; “ young man, ttand vp !
or the consequences be upon your own
head.”
The victim came up on his feel as if under
the influence of a galvanic battery, and look*
ing around Ihe court-room, and noticing that
all eyes were upon him, with an expression
about as affectionate as that of a rabid man
toward abonl of water, he hung his head in
confusion and mortification, and was nearly
deaf to the words of the indictment; but he
heard enough of the long, complicated, tang*
led sentences, to learn that ho was charged
with stealing, or embezzling, or cheating, or
pilfering some house or somebody, and he
couldn’t tell exactly which.
“ What he say to the choree 1 Guil.
ly or not guilty ?” inquired the Judge, peeping
over his spectacles, wnh a look cold enough
to freeze a man’s blood. “ Guilty or not
guilty ?”
The young man ventured to look up, in
hopes to find a. sympathizing eye, but ail
were cold and unfriendly, and he again gazed
on the saw-dusted floor, and trembled with
confusion.
“ Guilty or not guilty V again vociferated
the Judge, in a lone that plainly denoted im«
patience .to proceed with the case.
The broad-shouldered constable, being
rather a humane man, now stepped up to tha
prisoner and exclaimed :
“ You had better say not ‘guilty, 1 , of courre 1
If you say ‘guilty, 1 you don’t stand no
chance thii term, that's sure I and if you
say ‘not guilty, 1 and wish, at any future
state of the case, to change your plea to
‘ guilty 1 you can do it, without any injury to
yourself! • Therefore, f advise you to say
‘ not guilty, 1 and stick to it, as long os there’s
any chance !’
Jonathan’s feelings had been simmering
some lime, but now they fairly boiled over ;
and, with a look of innocent but determined
resolution, ho swung his arms about his head,
and exclaimed ;
“ What in all nature are yon fellers n-tryin'
to dew 1 I haint been slealin’ nothin’! I
haint sure. 7
Just at this moment the front door opened,
and the sheriff with the genuine prisoner
walked into the room, and proceeded at once
to the box.
The Court saw in a moment its mistake,
and tried to choke down, its effect with a
frown—but’twns no go ! The crowd burst
forth into a hoarse laugh that fairly made the
windows rattle, and the young man left the
room, exclaiming, ns he 'passed out at the
door :
“I knowed all the timo I hadn't stole noth-
in' !”
“It's ojjeer,” said Mrs. Burlington, care
fully folding the paper she had been reading,
and raising her spectacles off her nose. 1 It’s
strange,” said she, referring to the statement
that a locomotive had been driven off the
track by one of the switches. “ Who would
thought,” she.mused, “that one of them big
iron locofocos would have minded such a lit
tle thing as a switch 1”
“But, aunt,” interposed Ike, who was trim-_
ming a limb of his Christmas-tree with the
bright jack-knifo that he found suspended
thereto, “ you know the locofnotivo has &
tender behind.”
“To be sure, Isaac,” responded the venera
ble dame; “but you needn’t jaik about it,
my son.”
And she drew ddwn her spectacles and re
sumed her reading, while Ike went to switch
the cat out of the buttery.
“Nbver go to bed,” said a father to his son,
without knowing something you did not know
in the morning." Yes, sir,’ replied the youth,
“I went to bed Inst night slewed.” —didn’t
dream’of such a thing in the morning.”
Why is a horse half way through a gate
like a cent ? Becuso there’s a head on ono
side and a tail on the other.