The Waynesboro' village record. (Waynesboro', Pa.) 1871-1900, June 04, 1874, Image 1
EY W. BLAIR. YOLUNE 26. TILE WkYNESBOD.0 1 "RUDE RECORD PUBLISHED EVERY TREREtAyMORNING By W. BLAIR. TEI S7---Two Dollars per Annum if paid withinthe year; Two Dollars and Fifty cents after the expiration of the year, , ADVERTISEMENTS—One Square (10 lines) three insertions, $1,50; fot • each subsequent insertion, Thlr five Cents per Square. A. liberal discount made to yearly adver tisers. LOCALS.—Business 'Locals Ten Conti; per lino far the first insertion, Seven Cents for subsea nent insOttrons prgegsional ilards. DR. M. L. MILLER, PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, Oilers his professional services to the citizens of Quincy and vicinity. Office near the Burger Hotel. ' apr9-tf J. B. A.MBERSON. M. D., PHYSICIAN AND SUIZGEON, mt.x.Nrsiquao',_.ra. 'Office at the Waynesboro' "Corner Drug ore." [jane PHYSICIAN AND 'SURGEON, Offers his professional services to - the pub lic. 01lice in his residence, on West Main street, Waynesboro'. april ISAAC N. sNrvErsr, PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, WAYNESBORO' PA. Office at his residence, nearly oppos be Bowden House. Nov 2—t JOSEPHDOUG-IJAZ, ATTORNEY AT LAW. • WAYNESBORO', PA. Practices in the several Courts of Franklin .and adjacent Counties. N. B.—Real Estate leased and sold, and Fire Insurance effected on reasonable terms. December 10, 1871. S T . . PHYSICIAN it, SUP.CiON, ••4 Office at his residetioli, N. Cor. of the Public Square, Waynesboro', Pa. apr 0-tf REMOVAL ! R. BENJ. FRANTZ has removed to the .11finew Office,buiiding, adjoining his dwell ing on West end of Main street, where he tan always be found, when not engaged on professional visits. Omen Horns :—BetWee 8 and 10 o'clock, A. M.. and 12 and Land 6 and 9 P. M. Spec ial attention given to all forms of chronic disease. An ex.perience of nearly thirty years enables him to give satisfaction. The most approved trusses applied and adjusted to suit the wants of those afflicted with her nia or ruliture. apr 23-tf A. X. BRAINISTrOLTS, RESIDENT DENTIST ,01,0 4 r7 .7 r 4 ALSO AGENT For the Best and most Popular Organs in No Organs always on exhibition and for sale at his office. We being acquainted with Dr. Branis holt:, socially and professionally recommend him to all desiring the services of a Dentist. Drs. E. A. IlEarso, ,J. 31, RIPPLE, " A. H. STRICKLER, I, N. SNIVELY, " A. S. BONEBRAKE, T. D. Fas Not. julyl7—tf fa. 'dpi rORNEY & CO. Produ Ginnzalsg fen Nara.= tag No. 77 NORTH STREET, BALTIMORE, MD. ray particular attention to the sale of Flour, Grain, Seeds, &c. Liberal acWances made on consignments. may 29-tf J EI..WEIC:,SH. WITH W. V. LIPPINCOTT & CO, WHOLESALE: DEALERS IN Hats, Caps, Furs and Straw Goods, No. 531 Market Street, Philadelphia, Pa april 11-:tf THE BOWDEN HOUSE MAIN STREET, WAYNESI3ORO', PENN'A Ir HE Subscriber having leased this well known 1-IJtel property, announces to the public that he has refurnished, re-pain ted and papered it, and is now amply pre pared to accommodate the traveling public and others who may be pleased to favor him with their patronage. An attentive hostler will at all times be in'attetlanee. May 23-tf SAM'I. P. STONER.. BOOT AND SHOEMAKING. MITE subscriber would infirm the public 3 that he is at all times prepared to make o order Gents Coarse or fne Boots, also coarse or tine work for Ladles or Misses, in cluding the latest stviA of' lasting Gaiters.— Repairing done at short notice„ and measur vs taken in private fa:miles if desired Shop on East Main Street, in the room formerly occupied by J. Elden, as a flour' and feed tore. THOS. J. IfOLLINGSWORTU LUMBER. Feet of different grates of 30,000. Pine Board Lumber for sale FRICK & CO., nteylstfj S. 1.1. Works. Aielett Publ.. TR LAST GOOD-BIZ, BY sAVIE BgATTY Hon datk the shawdows grow, darling, All faintly comes my breath ; Al, me ! I soon shall feel and know The mystery of death ; In vain you strive to hold me here, To keep me ever nigh, The wings of Azrael holier near, And we must say good-bye. Bsit this is not the first, darling, We've said good-bye before; And tears of sorrow seemed to burst Tip frlm the heart's full core ; Yet still we hoped to meet again, Renew each earthly tie, Deer love, it is not as then, This is the last good-bye.- It is a sacred word, darling, All other Words above, . And from our lips it ne'er was heard, Save by the ones we love; Adieu will serve this world of show, For soon their tears .they dry, . 'Tis only when the dear ones go We care to say good-bye. We're drifting Iltr apart, darling, And when we meet again 'Twill be to 'oin with tan_ • The angels' glad amen. . The star of peace beams from► thip shore, Where I am drawing nigh' Then, darling, kiss me just once more, And take the last good-bye ! alliuellauratui alcading. WILLIAM HAVERLEY. "About thirty years ago," said Judge P., "I stepped into a book store in Cincin natti, in search of some books i wanted. While there, a little ragged boy, not over twelve years of' age, mine in and inquir ed ler a geography." "Plenty of theta ) " was the salesman's reply. "How much do they cost?' "Qne dollar, my lad." "I' did not know they were so much." He turned to go out, and even opened the door, but closed it again and came back. "I have got only sixty-one cents," said he; "could you let me have a geography, and wait a little while for the rest of the money?" How eagerly his little bright eyes look ed for an answer; and how he seemed to shrink within his ragged clothes when the man, not very kindly, told him he could not ! The disappointed little fellow looked up to me, with a very poor attempt at a smile, and left the store. I followed him and overtook him. "And what now?" I asked. "Try another place, .sir." "Shall I go, too, and see how god' suc ceed?" "Oh. yes, if you like," said he, in sur prise. Four different stores I entered pith him and each time he was refused. "Will you try again?" I asked. "Yes, sir, I shall try them all, or I should not know whether I could get one. We entered the fifth store, and the lit tle felloiv Walked up manfully, and told the gentleman just what he wanted, and how much money he had. "You want the hook very much?" said the proprietor. "Yes, sir, very much." "Why do yon want it so very, very much?" "To study, sir. I can't go to school, but I study when I can at home. All the boys have got one, and they will get ahead of me. - Besides, my father was a sailor, and I want to learn of the places where he used to go." • "Does he go to these places now?" ask ed the proprietor. "He is dead," said the boy, softly.— Then he added, after a while, "I am go ing to be a sailor, too." • "Are yo - u though?" asked the gentle- Man, raising eyebrows curiously. "Yes, sir, if I live." "Well, my lad, I will tell you what I will do; I will let you have a new geogra phy, and you may pay the remainder of the money when you can, or I will let you have one that is not new fur fifty cents." "Are the leaves all in it, and just like the others, only not new?" "Yes, just Me the new ones." "It will do just as well then, and I will have eleven cents left towards buying sonic other kok. I am glad they did not let rue have one at any of the other places." The boAseller looked up inquiringly, and I tolVhim what I had seen of the little fellow. He was much pleased, and when he brought the book along, I saw a nice new pencil and some clean white pa per in it. "A present, my lad, for your persever ance. Alwapi have courage like that and you will make your mark," said the bookseller. "Thank you, sir. you are so very kind." "What is yoar name:" "William Harveley, sir." "Do you want any more books?" I now asked him. "More than I can ever get," he replied glancing at the books on the shelves. *A FAMILY NEWSPAPER--DEVOTED TO LITESATURE, LOCAL AND GENERAL NEWS. ETC. WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, JUNE 4, 1874. I gave him a bank note. "It will buy some for you," I said. Tears of joy came into his eyes. "Can I buy what I want with it?" "Yes, my lad, anything." "Then ',will buy a.book for mother,", said he; "I thank you very much, and some day I hope I can pay you back." He wanted my name; and I gave to him. Then I left him standing by the counter so happy that almost envied, him, and many years passed before . l'saw him again." Last year I went to Europe on one of the finest vesseli that 'ever plowed the At lantic. We had very beautiful weather until near the end of the voyage then. came a most terrible storm that would haVe sunk all on board had it not been for the captain. • Every spar was laid low, the rudder was almost useless, and a great leak had shown itself, threatening to fill the ship: The crew were strong, willing men, and the mates were practical seamen of the first class; but after pumping for one whole night, and still the water was gaining up on them; they gave up in despair and pre pared to take the boats, tho' they might have known no small boat could ride such .a sea. The captain, who had been below with his charts, now came up. He saw how matters stood, and with a voice that I heard distinetly'above the roar of the tempest, he ordered every man to his post. It was surprising to see those men bow before the strong will of their captain, and hurry back to the pumps. The captain then Started below to ex amine the leak. As he passed me I ask ed him if there was any hope. He look ed at me and then at the other passengers, d-crowded-up-to—hca r the r- Mid - said rebukingly : "Yes, sir; there is hope as long as one inch of the deck remains above water ; when I see none of it, then I shall aban don the vessel, and not before, nor one of my crew, sir. Everything shall be 'lone to save it, and if we fail, it will not be from inaction. Bear a hand, every one of you, at the pumps," Thrice during the day did we despair; but the captain's dauntless courage, per severance and powerful will mastered ev. ery man on board, and we went to work again. "I will land you safely at the dock in Liverpool," said he, "if you will be men." And he did land us safely; but the ves sel sunk, moored to the dock.. The cap tain stood on the deck of the sinking ves sel, receiving the thanks and blessings of the passengers, as they passed the gano , plank. I was the last to leave. An. passed he grasped my hand and said "Judge P., do yon recognize me?" I told him that I was not aware that I ever saw him before' until I stepped a beard his ship. "Do you remember the boy in Cincin natti?" "Very:well, sir ; William Haverley." "I am he," said he. "God bless you!" "And God bless noble Captain Haver ley." A Quaker's Temperance Lecture. A few years ago several persons were crossing the Allegheney Mountains in a stage, Among them was a Quaker. As considerable time was on their hands,thcy' naturally entered into conversation,which took the direction of temperance, and soon became quite animated. One of the company did not join with the rest. He was a large portly man, v,ell dressed, and of gentlmanly bearing. There were sharp thrusts at the liquor business and those en gaged in it. Indeed, the whole subject was throughly canvassed and handled without gloves. Meanwhile this gentle. man stowed himself away in one corner and maintained a stoical silence. After enduring it as long as he could, with a pompous and magisterial manner he broke silence and said : . "Gentlemen, I want you to understand that I ant a liquor sel ler. I keep a public house, but I would have you know that I have a license, and keep a decent house. I don't keep loaf: era and loungers about my place, and and when a man has enough he can get no more at my bar. I sell to decent peo ple and do a respectable business. When he had delivered himself, he seemed to feel as though he had put a quietus on the subject, and thatto answer could be giv en. Not so, thought our friend the Qua ker, so he went for him. Said he : "Friend, that is the most damning part of thy business. If thee would only sell to drunkards and loafers, thee would held kill off the race, and society would be rid of them. But thee takes the young, the pure, the innocent, and the unsuspecting, and make drunkards and loafers of them; and when their character and money are gone, thee kicks them out and turns them over to' other shops•to be finished off ; and thee 'ensnares others and sends them on the same road to ruin." Surely the good Quaker had the best of the argument, for he had facts on his side. In reference to Dr.,Dio Lewis's threat ened crusade against tobacco, after the whisky war is over, the Sunbury American, says : "Now don't. What's the use of getting that notion into there heads ? If they go for those who drink and smoke they'll have:to enlist for a longer time than during their life-time, for about eve ry person who don't drink smokes; and those who don't do . either have some oth er habit equally as bad. The fact is, this thing of reform is such a big undertaking and so general in its application, that a bout the only way to reach it is to appUint each one a committee of one, to take care of himself or herself, and see that they do not indulge to excess in anything, wheth er in eating, drinking, talking or dress ing." It takes 49 yds for a fashionable dress. Death of Prince William. Prince William, son of Henry I king of England, was a, young man of great promise. His'father love& him tenderly, and designed that he should be his suc cessor to the throne of England. On a, certain occasion king Henry took the young prince with him to France, and on their return a fair wind soon carried the ship in which the king was out of sight of land ; but• the • Prince being detained by Some accident, his sailors spent the inter val in drinking, and becoming intoxicat .ed they ran the ship upon a rock where she immediately foundered. The prince was put into the long boat and might-have escaped, but , hearing the cries of his sis ter, Maud, he got the sailors to row back in hopes of saving her ; but so many. then crowded into the boat that it sank, and the prince with all his followers perished. When this sad intelligence was communi cated to the king s he fainted, and was nev er afterwards known to smile again. In allusion to this touching incident the followinc , beautiful lines were written by Mrs. Hemans: HE NEVER SMILED AGAIN The bark that held a prince went down, The sweeping waves rolled on, And what was England's glorious crown To him that wept a son ? He lived, for life may long be borne Ero sorrow break his chain; Why comes not death to those who mourn? He never smiled again. There stood proud forms around his throne, The stately and the brave ; But which could fill the place of one ? That one beneath the wave. Before him passed the young and fair, In-pleastreEi-wreek4ess4r: , But7seas dashed o'er his son's bright hair; He never smiled again. He sat where festal bowls went round ; He heard the minstrel sing ; He saw the tourney's victor crowned, - Amid the hnightly ring. A murmer of the restless deep Was blent with every strain ; A voice of winds that would not sleep ; He never smiled again. Hearts in that time closed o'er the trace Of vows once fondly poured ; And strangers took the kinsman's place At many a joyouS board. Graves which true love had bathed with tears, Were left to heaven's bright rain ; Fresh hopes were born for other's years; He never smiled again. How to Escape the Trap. I saw a good story lately that was headed, "How to escape the trap." It is a sort of fable. The story says that a company of rats once. met in the cellar of a. house, to consult together about their safety. A large steel trap had been set in that cellar. It was baited with a good big piece of cheese, which smelled very nice, and which they wanted very much to get at. But they had seen a number of their friends killed and 'wounded by this trap. In this way they had learned that it was a dangerous thing to meddle with. And now they had met together to see if they could not find out some way of ;getting that nice cheese out of the trap without any injury to themselves. Many long speeches were made, and Many plans suggested, hut none of them seemed to answer. At last one of them got up and said : "I move that a committee of two of the strongest among us be appointed to attend to this business. And I. think if one of the committee will put his paws upon the spring and keep it down, then the other can take away the cheese with safety" This seemed to meet with great favor. They agreed that this was tie best plan that had been suggested, and they uttered a loud squeal in favor of it. But just then they were startled by a feint voice, and a poor lame rat, with on ly three legs, came limping into the mee ting, He stood up to speak, and said : "My friends, I have tried the plan that has just been proposed, and you see the result. I lost my, ler , by it; that is what it cost me. Nowlet me give you my ad vice, If you want to escape the dangers of that trap, the best way is to let it alone. Don't touch it. Don't go near it." And this is one of the ways in which Jesus, our guiding star, keeps us out of danger. Every 'sin is like a trap. We cannot go near it' without danger. And the advice which JPsus.gives us, when we arc tempted to any kind of sin, is always the same. He says: Let it alone. Flee from it. The best way to escape the trap is not to go near it.—Rev. D. Newton. "OLD 51ArDs."A recent writer ex presses his opinion of old maids in the following manner:'"l am inclined to think that many of the satirical asperations cast upon old maids tell more to their credit than is generally imagined. Is a young woman remarkably neat in her person ? she will certainly be an old maid." Is she particularly. reserved toward the other sex ? "she has all the squeamishness of an old maid."• Is she frugal in her expens• es and exact in her dombstic concerns ? "she is cut out for an old maid ?" And if she is kindly humane to the animals a bout her nothing can save her from the appellation an "old maid." In short, I have always found that neatness, modesty, economy and humanity are the never-fail ing characteristics of that terrible crea ture, an 'old maid': " ' If some one would only get up a sew ing machine to collect rents, mend man ners and repair family breaches what a sale it would have. SAI2, low as 6 . ceuts a yard Dewdrops of #se Law of Kindness. No man, boy, or girl is too poor, too old, or too young to do kind acts. Such acts need not to be great and brave, as the world holds the deeds it crowns with praise. ItAs the heart that one puts in a kind act that God looks at, and which gives it all the worth it has in his sight. Some few years since, the wife of a pour man who had long been dead, though poor and old, paid for kind acts done her in a way that I will tell you of. She dwelt in a gap in the wild woods far from the town. Her one child, a girl of twelve years, lived with her, and she fed and clothed both with what she could 'earn by hard toil. She kept a large lot of hens, and their eggs she took to a town ten miles from her small but in the woods.— She at first walked all the way, for she was too poor to ride on the railroad train that passed near her. But the man who had charge of it came to know her as she walked to and fro: •- He was a kind man, and thought he did no wrong to the men who owned the road when he gave . her a ride to and from town free of charge. All the men. on the train were kind to her, and loved to say a good word to her. Well, the day came when this poor old Anne could pay, in what-was worth far more than gold, for all these kind words, thoughts and acts. Once, in the rough month of March, when the deep snows felt the sun, and flowed down the high hills in deep and swift streams, and the winds blew, and the floods beat upon the bridge that cross ed a deep, black chasm near her house, she heard a loud, long crash in the dead of the night. The floods, with their thick blocks of ice. had crushed it like the shell of an eg_. The night was black and wild. - e-win s-1 ew—an -t a rain fell fast In one half hour the train which had borne her to town once a:week, free of charge, would be due at the bridge. The life of the kind man in charge of it, and the lives of all on board, hung under God, on what she could do in that half hour,— She did not waste one breath of time on the thought that came swift to her mind. She cut the cords of her one bed, and took the dry posts and side-beams in her arms, and climbed up to the track of the railroad, a few rods from the steep walls of the bridge that was gone. Her young girl took both of their chairs, with a nan full of live coals. In quick time the * dry wood was in a blaze, and made a light that could be seen a long way. But the fire would soon go out and they could not feed its flame with the wet, green wood iu reach. The old dame took off her red gown, and put it at the eud of a stick, and stuck it up on the track a few rods from the fire, and there she stood with a heart that quaked with fear. She had done all she could. Would it save the train and all on board from a death so full of dread to think a ? She will soon know. Hark lit conies at full speed. She hears it on the far side of a curve in the road. There l its great red eye conies in sight, and casts its light on the rails all the way to the red .gnwn on the pole. Sharp it screams like a live thing on the edge of death. It quakes with dread. A cry and shout run from end to end. The men at the brakes bend with all there strength to check the speed. The wheels grind so hard on the rails that they strike-fire in the rain and dark.— They now turn round More slow. A rod from the blaze of the bed, posts and two chairs, the train comes to a stop. On the black edge of that deep chasm, filled with the loud flood, piled high with blocks of ice, the train stops. Then all on board see what a death they have been saved from. First the kind man in charge comes to the front and looka down that chasm. Then he kneels by the still wheels so near its edge, and sends up his thanks through the rain to God for his grace.— The men with bard bands at the brakes come and kneel down by his side, and thank God with hearts too full for words. Then all those on board, who had slept up to the verge of that swift death, come and kneel in line, and in a long . row they thank God that he basso saved them thro' the means of the poor old dame and her young glrl, So you see that, in this case, kind acts paid for all the thought, and for all else they cost. The man in charge of the train and the men at the brakes judged right when they felt that they did no wrong to those who owned the road when they gave her rides free of charge. Did they not all get their . pny for these kind acts ? And does not this case prove that no one is so poor or so young that lie or she may not do such acts in thought, 'look or deed ? For sometimes looks, words or thoughts are acts which take hold of the hearts of men and do them gOod. HELL.—This is what Prof. Swing, who was lately tried for heresy by the Chicago Presbytery,thinks of hell: "The lost world ! is a place, not where God is seen as the cru el monster, but where the human free will .stand forth in all its divine powers, and reveals a self-punishment over which we can almost imagine the Heavenly Father himself to shed tears: Such is the per dition of reason—a place not where the Sa viour and God become an inquisition, but where the sinner's own will and own heart have woven themselves garments of perpet !nal Sackcloth, and where the tears of sot row fall not from a malicious decree of 'God, passed from eternity, but , fall out of .the sinner's own wretched soul :and mis spent life." Says a wit: "Last year I saw a watch spring, a note. run, a rope walk, a horse fly, and the big tree Haves. I even saw a plank walk, and a Third Avenue bank run ; but the other day I saw a tree box, a cat fish, and a stone fence. lam now prepared to see the Atlantic coast. and the acific slope. We all have Faults. He who boasts of being perfect is per fect in his folly. ' I have been a good deal up and down in the world; and I never did see either a perfect horse or a perfect man, and I never shall until two Sundays come together. Yon cannot get white flour out of a coal-sack,nor perfection out of human nature ; he who looks for it had better look for sugar in the sea. The old saying is, "Lifeless, faultless." Of dead men we would say nothing but.good, but as for the living, they are all tarred more or less with black brush, and half an eye can see it. Every head has a soft place in it, and every heart has its black drop. Every rose has its prickles, and every day its night. Even the sun shows spots, and the skies are darkened with clouds. No body is so wise butF he has folly enough to stock a stall at. Vanity Fair. Where I could not see the fool's cap, I have nev ertheless heard the bells jingle. As there is no sunshine without shadowsso all hu 7 man good is mixed up more oiless of *e vil ; even poor law guardians have their little failings, and parish beadles aro not wholly of heavenly nature. The best wine has its lees. All men's faults are not writ ten on their foreheads, and its quite as well they aro not, or hats would need wide brims; yet as sure as ergs, faults of some kind nestle in every man's bosom. There is no telling when a man's faults may show themselves, for hares pop out of a ditch when you are not looking for them. A horse that is weak in the ltnees may not for a mile or two, but it is in him, and the rider had better bold him up well. The tabby cat is not lapping milk just now, but leave the dairy door open, and we will see if she is not as bad a thief as the kitten. There's fire in the gets a knock at it, and you will see. Ev erybody .can read that riddle, but it is not everybody that will remember to keep his gunpowder out of the way of the candle. Anecdote of . "Old Thad." Pierre M. B. Yontig, now a representa tive in Congress from Miisissippt, a con federate General and a graduate of West Point tells this story of Old Thad. Stev ens. Young came to Washington soon after the war, seeking to have his, disabil hies removed. He accepted the results of the war in good faith'. He went to Thad ,Stevens, who was chairman of the Elec. tion Committee, and Thad. began to play with him, as he sometimes did with those whom he intended to make his He said : "You are a graduate of West Point, - .1 believe ?" "Yes, sir." "Educated at the expense of thi; United States, I believe, which you swore_faith fully to defend ?" "Yes, sir." "You went into the service for the in fernal rebellion." "Yes, sir." 'You were brigade commander in the raid into Pennsylvania, which destroyed the property of so many of my constitu ents ?" "Yes, sir." • "It was a squad of men. under your di rect charge, and under your personal command, hat burned my rolling mill down ?" "Yes, sir." "Young thought he was gone, but see ing that the old fellow bad come in pos session of the last fact, which Young.him self did not dream he knew, it was impos sible to deny the truth of his questions. Thad. roared out, "Well, I like your d—d impudence. I will see that your-disabil ities are removed. Good morning." And the next !day the bill passed the house. Love is life. Selfishness is death. Think of one who has no throb outside of him self ; is he not entombed in a grave more dark than that of earth? The moment one begins to love, if only a dog, he be gins to live. To love something that is different from one's self—a flower, a star, a human soul—what is in it, what stir of all the faculties Oh; the manifold lith of love ! How it flows and streams away on evety side, in love of father and moth er, sister and brother, husband and wife, and friend and little children, of the tin niest speck and grandest a,h. We rejoice in all things. Every sound is a delight. We are alive all over. Life is full of thorns, cried one and an other, but on they rush with the crowd, seeming to care but little what seed each word and action sows—whether thistles or lillks of the valley—in its broad paths. Yes, life is full of thorns, but those which are the sharpest and oftenest are the'ones which our own hands have planted along the wayside of our pilgrimage—thorns we plant in carelessness, in selfishness, in pride and passion ; and if in. after years we come into shape and painful contact with them, let us not Waite the world so much as ourselves. There is something that touches the heart in the last moment of a dog that, di ed in Lansingburg, N: Y., the other day, at the age of twenty-four years. The old fellow had hardly stirred from his rug - for some days; he arose stiffly, crawled with difficulty up stairs, visited every room in the house, seemed to bid a farewell to all familiar objects, came back to his mas ter's feet, and died without a struggle. Stott county Minnesota,.claims the most extensive Limburger cheese factory iu the West. One hundread and twenty cows contribute to the formation of the article. The cheese is declared tole 'ripe when a piece the size of a beau will drive a dog out of a Lanyard. • An English,physician says that the first moral and phys i cial duty of evervJuumui being is to be elem. $2,00 PER YEAR. 'NUMBER 51. CU and Muer. Why is a thunder storm like an onion? Because it is peal on peal. - - "If you are courting a girrsays a Cal- T ifornia paper, •`stick to her, no•matter how big her father's feet are." A pugilistic Irishman in England be ing bound over to, keep the peace on all British subjects, remarked : "The saints help the first foreigner I meet." ' A eorgia negro' was buried so deep by the caving of a well that it took four hours to unearth him. When found he was• alive and Well: He said he never wanted to aneeze . .so bad in his life, but was afraid lie vould jar down some more dirt "What .brought-you-to-prison,-mfeol ored friend ?" - said 'a Yankee to a negro. "Two constables, sali." "Yes, but I inean had intemperance anything to do with it?' "Yes, sob, dey was bofe of 'en drunk." Uneasy lies the fair head of the hotel' girl of Terre Haute, who has inherited -840,000 in gold, fir by all aspiring young men of those parts She is persistently ser•' enaded. A' man in an adjoining county died re cently who had taken his county paper twelve years without payincr 6 for it. Up on the day of his burial the kind-hearted, forgiving editor called to see him, and, stuffed a linen. duster and a pair .of palm leaf fans into his coffin. He was sprepar-. ing hint for a warmer clitnate. Johnny 8., aged five, 13- asked his father ty-ithe-sta 1m ere: 'matlfh--T-Ii father, thinking the lad had conceived' some queer notion as to the use of the heavenly bodies, said: . "No, do you." '"Yes, it never rains when the stare shine, so - they . must have been Made• fel plug up the rain-holes." :One evening lately, a lecturetort spirit ualism observed a lady in deep mouining leaving the ball. He addressed her from, the platform, and asked her to wait 'a fear moments, as the spirit of her . husl►and. wished to con►municate with her. know, it,' she replied, ihr he is now at tbe . door waiting to escort me dome.' The lecturer adjourned early, and left town the next day. • , , They tell a queer story about the doc tors in a certain Texas town, who were, all last summer to attend a medical. con veution. They were absent about: - tiro' • months, and on their return found all•their patients, hadreCovered,the drug stores,bpd closed, the nurses opened dancing sch Pol?, the cemetery was cut up into building lots, the undertakers had 'gone to making :a: dies, and the hearse had been painted and sold for a circus wagon. An Irishwoman, at a 3oss for..a4ord,, went into a chemist's ' and 'looking 'much puzzled, said .:he had come for .ttiedicine, the name had,slipped hertnern,OVlV l if,9l'; ly," but sounded like 'Paddy:364e oar' ret." The druggist, being tOrliOliiAt' sale, tried to think what it ,couldlici,':iinat hit upon paregoric. '"lndade; thin; that's' it," said she; and obtaining the, medicinc.,, went away delighted that she ~ltad comp so near the right word.. . Commie% Brerr. -Among the waiting passengers at the Central depot, Saturday, says the Detroit' Free Prep., were a widow woman and five children, and by and by a man'who was Waiting for the same train opened a - conversation' with the widow and soon 'remarked 'he'd like to marry such a little woman: "acre., Susan hold this satchel !" said-the woman, turning to her oldest daughter, And then' • reaching for the man's arm she continued: "I've been looking for you about -live years ?" Everybody shouted and jumped in glee, and when the scapegoat backed flat down they said he ought to be &nip ed into the river. A young mother Was in the habit of airing the baby's clothes at the windoW;' her husband didn't like it, and believimi( that it' she saw her practice as others. saw it, she would desist, he so directed their afternoon walk as to bring the nursery, window in full view from the central park, of the.town. Stopping abruptly, he pointr,:, , ed to the offending linen flapping occasion- - ally, unconsciously in the breeze, and ask=' ed sarcastimily : "My dear, what is that displayed in our window ?" "Why," she replied, "that is the ; flag of our union." Conquered by this pungentug retort, he saluted the flag by a swing of his hat, and pressing his wife's arm closer .within: his. own. and said, as they walked horneward: "And long may it wave.".- A young lady in 'a neighboring town,, one day last week, went into a dry goods store and- thuß unburdened herself: "It is my desire to obtain a pair of eir- Cular elastic appendages, capable ofbeing contracted or expanded by means oscilla ting, burnished steel appliances that spa rk le Ilse particleS of gold leafeet with Cape May diamonds, And which are utiliied for retainin , c• in proper position the habili meats of the lower estermities which in nate delicacy forbids me to mention." The vender of calicos was nonplus-6i, but not wishing to appear ignorant, said that he WILI "just. OUt. ' After. her departure he ruminated in silence for a few moments, when , a, new light broke upon his distracted brain and ho bust tin.th with: "By thunder! , ,1:11 bet, .t.}-4,.;,wontan• tsanted a.p:lir of garter ." • Linktrent tri cirnuat4 t . freely anNntr, the Indiana of . tbeti'n'ytlt-,..; - .. `rest, Who , lake then' "fur greeribackl;:.