Newspaper Page Text
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101 1 /OREM.
Not forever are we chastened
By the might of sorrows hand,
Not forever.pass we sighing
Through the stranger's weeping land
'There shall come a time of gladness,
When the heart may e'en forget,'
In the melody of pleasure,
All the ills that grieve it yet.
Not forever in the valley,
With the yawning gulf below,
Not forever 'mid the briars'
Zion's 'Pilgrim bands shall go
They shall tread with cheerful steps
On the pleasant, sunny hills;
They shall march with mirth.and music
While the song the sweet air fills.
Not forever shall the darkness
Of the midnight's lonely hour
Overwhelm' the timid spirit
With the terrors of its power,
There shall tome the light of morning
To the weary, waiting heart ----
And amid the joy of flay-break,
Tears and sorroWTiliall:depurt:
Not forever have they left us,
Those for whom we shed our tears ;
Not forever shall our mourning
• Darken long and weary years,
There shall be a joyous meeting
When the reign of death is o'er—
In the house where all is happy,
In the land of evermore.
And forever shall the tear-drops
Vanish from each face away,
And forever in the darkness
Banished where 'tis endless day;
And forever death and sickness;
Sorrow, pining, pain and woe, .
Shall be known no more nor looked for
In the house to which we go.
A STRANGE STORY.
The truth of the following is vouched
for by the San Francisco Chronicle :
When Foster, the Spiritualist medium
first came to this city and hung out his
shingle at the Grand Hotel, he was an
object of much curiosity. Among those
who went to witness the marvelous mani
festations which it was claimed were dai
ly: made was a well known gentleman,
whose name we are not authorized to give.
The gentleman bad heard of the slip;of
papdr trick, and believing that be knew
a thing or two mere than Foster did, he
resolved to play a sharp game with him.
Before going -to the medium's room he
wrote a name on a slip of paper, which
be wrapped and folded tightly in a pi
of tinfoil. When he got there, in col
pany with several friends, he banded
little rolled' tinfoil to Foster, mid awa
The little paper inside the tinfoil co)
tabled merely the full naive of the gent!
man's mother—her maiden and marri
name. Foster took it, pressed it to ;
forehead, in that dreamy, listless way
has; and then laid it on the table. Pz
eutly he said, "Yes, sir, I have a messi
for you. There is the spirit of a lady he
who wishes me to write you this message,
Here Foster took up a pencil, and •
many jerks and quirks, wrote :
"Do not remove the remains of y(
father and myself. Let us rest where
are., Your heart is right, but your jut.
meet is wrong.
The message was signed by both
maiden name and married name of
gentleman's m'ther. The gentleman tk
ed as white as a sheet, for he at once
cognized the message as having been
teti in the name of his deceased mot
He had Jong been intending to remove
remains and that of his father from
Eastern cemetery to his vault at L
Mountain. He had not thought of 1
matter at all that day. Foster had M
er seen him before. Neither Foster
any one, o else—not even the gentleman
wife—knew what the mother's .maie
name had been, hence the clearness,
strange outline of the message, and, abt
all, the aptness with which it referred
his project with regard to the remains
his parents, gave the astonished gentler
something to think about for days to ct
He did not wait for an ,answer to
tinfoil puzzle, but started away very ink
in the condition of the young man 3
went to church to scoff, but finally c 4
eluded to remain and pray.
Next day the gentleman met his frk
the Hon. Chas. E. De Long, who in
just returned from Japan. To him he
told his remarkable experience of the day
before. De Long laughed at him for his
apparent credulity, and scouted the idea
that spirits had anything to do
message. Nettled at this, the gentleman
induced Mr. De Long to go with him to
tee Foster and judge for himself. That
night they both, in company with Howard.
Colt, called at the Grand Hotel, and
were shown into Foster's room. Mr. De
Long was wLolly unknown to Foster.—
They all sat down to the table, and after
Foster had smoked a while at his cigar,
he said : "I can only get one message to
night, that is for a person nati:ed Ida.—
Do either of you know who Ida is?"
Mr. De Long looked at Foster with ra
ther a startling look, and said : "Well,
yes, I rather *ink I do. My wife's name
"Well," said Foeter, "then this message
is for her, and it is important. But she
will have to come here and receive it."
This was just enough to excite De
Long's curiosity, and after endeavoring
in vain to get to reveal the mes
sage to him, he -consented to bring . his
wife the next night to.receive the import
ant communication in person. Accord
ingly the next evening the same two, ac
companied by Mrs. De Long, were usher
ed into Foster's parlor. They were soon
seated around the table; waiting eagerly
for the spirits to arrive: After Foster had
smoked for several minutes in silence he
suddenly said : 'The same message comes
to me, It is for Ida. This is the lady is
it ?" he asked, as of the spirit. "Oh, you
will write the Message,. will you ? Well,
all right," and with this he took up a pen
- an - d - dathed - off - the-following-:
"My Dear Daughter Ida :"
"Ten years ago I entrusted a large sum
of money to Thomas Madden, to invest
for me in certain lands. After my death
he failed •to account for the investment to
my executors. The money was invested, •
and 1,250 acres of land were bought, and
one-half of this land now belongs to you.
I paid Madden on account of my share of
the. purchase $650. "-He must be made to
make settlement. Your father,
• sc VINEYARD."
• BOth — Mt. — and - Mrs. De Long • sat and
heard this communication read with as-
tonished faces.'Us - ANILTrig - knew that
in. life her fa,ther, had business dealings
with Mr. Madden ; butto what-extentT
or even the, nature of them, she did not
know. She was terribly frightened at the,
denouement, for she knew that Foster did
not know who she was, or who her father
might have been ; and when the commu
nication came in so remarkable away,
the surprise of the whole party may be
better imagined than described.
Mr. De Long had just enough faith in
-the-cOrrectness-of-Mrs. De Long's com
munication to want to see what there was
in it, auy way.. So the next day he call
ed on Mr. Madden, at the Occidental Ho
tel. Without saying what special reason
he had for asking the question, he asked
Mr. Madden if there was not some unset
tled business between himself and the
estate of the late Mr. Vineyard. Mr. Mad
den thought for a moment, and then said
there was. He said several years ago he
and Mr. Vineyard had purchased a tract
of land together, and their interest was
undivided. The land increased and was
still increasing, enormously in value, and
he supposed Mr. Vineyards daughter de
sired to let her interest lie untouched,
which was the reason why the matter had
never been settled up. Besides, she had
been absent a long lime from the country
and was not here to have the matter set
tled. When informed that Mrs. De Long
had only just learned of the investment
of her father, Mr. Madden, expressed
much surprise. He said he supposed she
and her husband and executors knew all
about it, but were simply letting the mat
ter rest for the property to increase in
value. Mr. Madden then said he was
ready to make settlement at any time.—
This was readily assented to by Mr. De
on &turd. Mr.
Why it was so he had_ not the faintest
conception. li e was under a mysterious
influence that chained him to his seat and
made him a slave to its power. At last
the train slackened its speed and came to
a halt, and John f ound himself moving
along with the passengers who were mak
ing their exit from the cars. When once
outside he discovered that he was a strang
er in a strange city. He asked a man
where he was. He was told "St. Louis.."
"But," says John, "j live in Hartford.—
I want nothing in St .
. Jouis." The stran
ger smiled and passed on, leaving our
Hartford friend as jAmplexed as ever.—
While standing in his tracks, wondering
what to do, he saw at a distance a figure
that sent a thrill of joy throiigh his frame.
It was his longlost brother-in-law.
It had been more than a quarter of a
century since John - had set his eyes on
him, and time bad . worked a great change
in Lis' appearance, but for all that our
. • .
NE, • >k , s, s • V* - C c WS ETC.
-friend 'recogniZed him, :ran toward
. him hallooing at the top of -his - voice, 'as ,
if afraid • he might disappear. The meet
ing iyas.a cordial one, and the pair cele
brated the event at a stylish 'saloon. Fhere
featiiiitg mugs of lager played a promi
nent part.. The neit'John knew he found
himselfawake,at his-home on Park Street.
Bat his dream had made a strong impres
sion, and do what ivouldbe could not
forget it. .It haunted hint alLthat day,
' and when' he got up the next morning
the remenibrance of thationg ride 'and
the happy meeting clung to hint still.—
That very day some clerk in. the Hartford
post-office might have seen a letter ad
dressed to Mr. of St. Louis with
the instruction 'on the end of the envelope,
"If not called for within ten:days return
to Jahn Eiswirth, ilartforid, Ct. Mr.
_Eiswirth_sAys that he sent the letter ad
dressed to his. brother-in-levy withouFthe
remotest expectation of hearing from him.
He sent it to relieve his mind, as he con
fessed that the singular dream harassed
him not a little. . •
But after the missive was sent he dis
missed the Matter from his mind, and'
'might never have thought of it again if
something startling had not occurred a '
day or two since. John was at his home
with his family when the postman come
to the door, and delivered a letter., It was
postmarked St. Louis. Itives torn open
with tremulous fingers;and to their great
-_it_was found to be from -their lon--
lost relative an answer to .tliiTifte - r -
John lad forwarded in 'obedience to his
dream. In a large city like St. - 'Louis
would seem that a letter asking specific
direction might, not reach its destina
tion but of course the chances are
that it would go straight to_the_mark,_as_
it did in his case. It appeared by the let
ter that the St. Louis German had been
as much in the fog as they have been in
regard to him. The St. Louis man writes
that he shall soon come to this city on a
visit, and his Hartford friends are delight
ed at the prospect of a happy reunion.
When he dose come John proposes what
he dreamed about the lager shall also
become a reality."
They may come for wool and go back
Love in the beginning is most easily
There is a remedy for everything but
Make a bridge - of , silver for a flying
The y just suffer sometimes for the unjust.
Pray devoutedly and hammer on stout
Let the hen live, though it be with the
.Ele who seeketh danger perisheth there
In a plentiful house supper is soon dress
What the eye sees' not the heart rues
The women and the hen are lost by
She who wishes to see, wishes to be seen.
He who knows the instrument should
play upon it.
A . good reversion is better than a bad
Though we love the treason, we hate
Good expectations is better than bad
Great persons are able to do grate kind
Art may improve but cannot surpass
In the grave we must pack close togeth
whether we like it or not.
Destiny guides and disposes all things
its own way.
Good seldom or never comes unmixed
The rich man's blunders pass current
r wise maxims.
Nothing is more impossible than to
When good'fortune knocks, make haste
let her in. •
When death knocks at the door he turns
deft ear to all excuses.
The beginning of a cure consists in the
lowledge of the distemper.
Nothing becomes•a man so well as the
nloyment he was born for.
Among the thousands who wear Al
' cloth very few know what it is made
The alpaca goat is a species of the
ma, whose home is in the mountains
Peru. • It lives on the coarest fare, the
Ity herbage of the rocks, and has a
.utiful wavy coat of light chestnut
7n wool, • which is nearly a foot in
igth, very soft and elastic, and nearly
fine as that of a Cashmere goat. This
sheared off and sent to Eegland, where
is sorted, woven, dyed, steamed, tinged,
turned into the market. •
William Cullen Bryant contributes to
:Nicholas the following little gem. from
I he Spanish :
"Up the valley's lap,
The dewy morning throws
A thousand pearly drops,
To wake a single rose.
Thus often in the course
Of life's few fleeting years,
A single pleasure costs
The soul a thousand tears."
The heavier cross, the heartier prayer;
The bruised herbs most fragrant are;
If wind and sky were always fair,
The sailor would not watch the star;
And David's psalms had ne'er been sung,
If grief his heart had never wrung.
The last match in the box generally
fails to burn ; so he who walks in the dark
all his life, and strikes for light only on.
his death-bed, is in danger of awaken
ing naught but a strong °dee of brim,
COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, MARCH 6,187
Oh ! leave' me not, dearest one, friendless
'While Life's surging rimer:runs dark at
my feet; . • • • ,
Oh ! stay, for thy presence my spitit doth
And speak to me tenderly, lovingly,
sweet; ; • • •r .
Ah dark ie my, path,and still darker Life's
; seeming ;
'Tlie black shades 'fall thicker Wherever
Then stay, for thy smiles throui: a light on
.) . dreaming,- • k
•And lighten, the shadows of sorrow and
• woe.. . ,
Then leave nee not dearest one . lonely and
-`Stern-Fate casts a cloud o'er my visofi to.
Oh ! be thou my angel-guide, faithfully
A watch o'er my soul on Life's wearisome
For something still whispers that, when we
Hope's last cheerful rays will depart from
• me too; • „
7 . ,et still while I wander alone broken
will'pray that no sorrow come, darling,
A Cave of Dead Indians.
A Virginia paper. says : "The follow
ing information is given us by gentlemen
of the highest character and credit, who
have seen with own eyes, touched
and tested with their own hands, the won
derful object of which they make report.
The workmen engaged in opening a way
for the projected railroad between Weldon
and Garysburg, struck on Monday, about
a mile from the former place, in a bank
beside the river, a catacomb of skeletons,
supposed to be those of Indians of a remote
age and a lost and forgotton race. The
bodies exhumed were of a strange and
remarkable formation. The skulls were
nearly an inch in thickness; the teeth
were filed sharp, as are those of canibals,
the enamel perfectly preserved ;, the bones
were of wonderful length and strength—
the femur being as long as the leg of an
ordinary' man, the stature of the body
Near the ir
great as eight or nine
feet. their head were sharp stone
arrows, some mortars, in which their corn
was brayed, and the bowls of pipes, appar
ently of soft soapstone. The teeth of the
skeletons are said to be as large , as those
of a horse. One of them was brought to
the city, and presented to the officers of
the Pittsburg Railroad. '
"The bodies were found closely packed
together, laid tier on tier, as it seethed.—
There was no discernible ingress or egress
to the mound. The mystery is who these
giants were, to what race they belonged, to
what era, and how they' came to be burl
ed there. To these inquiries no answer
has yet been made,and meantime the ruth
less spade continues to cleave skull and
body asunder, throwing up in mangled
masses the bones of this heroic tribe.—
We hope some effort.will fie made to pre
serve authentic and accurate accounts
of these discoveries, • and to throw some
light, if possible, on the , lost tribe whese
bones are 'thus rudely disturbed from their
sleep in earth's bosom."
Trim LAW OP PLEAsrso.—ln the fami
ly, the law of pleasing ought to extend
from the highest to the lowest. You are,
bound to please your servents if you ex
pect them to pleaseyou. Some men are
pleasant in the hodehold and nowhere
else. We all know such men. They are
good fathers. and kind. husbands. If you
had seen them in their own homes you
would haN;e thought they were almost an
gels;' but if you had 'seen them - in the
reet, in their stores, in' the • counting
houses, or anywhere else outside of their
own houses, you would have thought them
almost savage. But the opposite is apt
to be the case with others. When among
strangers or neighbors they 'endeaVor' to
act with propriety ; but when they get
home they say ;to themselves, "I have
played a part long enough, and now I am
going to be natural." So,.they .sit down
and are ugly, and snappish, and
and disagreeable. They lay aside those
little courtesies that make the roughest
path smooth' and make the hardest things
like velvet, and that make life pleasant.—
They expend all their politeness in places
where it will bring silver and gold.—Sun
day Mimicry. • ,• • • •
How FAIR CHIN ES E DIE FOR LOVE.-
In his "Far Ceiba?' Mr. Medhurst States
that one Morning he received 'a card from
a wealthy young lady informing him that
her betrothed, having passed into an ear
ly grave, she had made up her_ mind to
commit suicide on a certain day. To Mr.
Medhurst's surprise,. his official remon
strances were received with commonplace
civilities, and."on the day named the wo
man did deliberately sacrifice her life .in
the presence of thousands. A stage was
erected in the open fields, with a tented
frame over it, from which was suspended
a slip of scarlet erape : one end of this she
adjusted around her neck. She then em
braced a little boy, probably a little broth
er presented by a person standing by, and
having let fall a veil over her face, she
mounted a chair and resolutely jumped
off it, her little clasped hands saluted
the assemblage as her fast-failing form
twirled round with the tightening cord."
The 'world' never harms a Christian
so long as he keeps it out of his heart.—
Temptation is never dangerous until it
has an inside accomplice. Sin within be.
trays the heart to the outside assailant.
After the Storm.
"Arthur, take this letter to your moth
er, and here 'is your week's pay. You
have a good mother," added Mr. Powell
lookingintently into the lad's thee as he
took the missive with a polite "thank.you,
The-communication to Mrs. Voward
ran thus :
"/cr madam :—We are sorry to re
turnyour son Arthur with this,but repeat
edly articles, and occasionally money
have been missed from the store. , Noon°
but he could have taken it. It is very
trying, we assure you, to-have'stich an is
sue forced upon us; for we ,had supposed
hiti - ticapable of any 40 - it ' dishones
ty. -•-• . ,
Respectfully, . .
R. PoWELL Aro."
Mrs. Howard yerused , the note and
then, wit ti l&iktng up from - her sewing,
gently bade her boy • remove and thor
oughly dry his evercoat, whitened by the
driving snow, But she could not just
then look upon 'that young and joyous
face..Be sl2ould•not know a breath of
the foul suspicion, but should go to his
pillow unconscious of the stain on his good
name. In the morning she. would visit
While Arthur slept, his mother passed
the ansiouslours in alternate watchings
by his bedside and prayers at her own.—
"the restraint which she had ►laced upon
herself was now removed. 'toward: day
light-the storm subsidediand-the-moriF
ing dawned , on a fair day. The calm
comforted her, and wheu Arthur rose
from the breakfast table, she said cheer
"I am going out this morning, dear,
'and you must remain at home. Se a
good mother to brother and sister, and if
any work comes in remember carefully
all particulars: bnt first run 'out and
sweep me a clean crossing through the
Quickly wrapping herself, she proceed
ed to the gate. She stood relisting against
it and gazed on the pure scene—the trees,
the hedges, the roof's of buildings, every
nook and crevice piled up with .the glist
ening snow. But purer than all was her
sou Arthur—in her eyes the fairest fea
ture of the picture. His clear eye was
"not that of a thief!" 4nd the mother's
face beamed upon him "with confiding
At this moment Mr. Powell came to
ward mother and son. Mrs. Howard re
ceived him as calmly as she had his let
ter, bidding Arthur run over to Mrs Ames,
to Old John's, and to one or two other
childless homes, and sweep offitheir paths,
Mr: Powell was full of regrets and apolo
gies fer the note sent on the previous even
ing. Accidently the real culprit had been
discovered, and Arthur fully cleared.
"The firm wished him back. They will
increase his wages, give him every oppor
tunity. for improvement, in short they will
atone, if possible, for the cruel wrong so
' Mrs, Howard replied, "On one, and on
ly on one condition can he return, and
that is, that neither he nor .any of the
clerks in your employ learn eue word of
this affair. I would not have him suffer
the knowledge of this suspicion for worlds.
I would not have his self-respect injur
The next morning 'found Arthur in his
accustomed place,. and the pleasure with
which he that evening communicated to
his mother his delight and astonishment
at a sudden increase of salary, was with
out a shadow. Years after, the firm pro
posed receiving Arthur into it, and in re
sponse to his glad thanks, Mr. :Powell
placed his hand on bis shoulder and
"NO thanks my boy. Thank . your moth. ?
ther. Only on the shining shore can you
know her worth."
EXPANDING THE; LUNGS.-St ep Out in
to 'the purest air you can find ;stand per
fectly erect, with head and shoulders back,
and then fixing the-lips as if you were go
ing to whistle, draw the air through the
lips into the lungs. When the chest is
about half full, gradually raise the arms,
keeping them extended,) with the palms
of the hands down, as you suck in the air,
So as to bring them
_over the head just as
the lungs are quite full. Then drop the
thumbs inward, and after gently forcing
the arms backward and the chest open
reverse _the process by which you draw
your breath till the lungs are empty.
This process should be repeated immedi
ately after bathing, and also several times
through the day. It is impossible to
describe to one who has never tried it, the
glorious sense of vigor which follows this
exercise, is the best expectorant in the
world. Wo know a gentleman, the meas
ure of whose chest has increased some
three or four inches daring as many
FALLEN MAN AND WOMAN.--Man,
stenk helol his natural level, hates and
effects to despise the height where he has
walked. Woman, fallen from her fair
estate, looks ever back to it with longing
and regretful eyes. He proclaims him
self not worse than his fellows ; endeavors
to pull those above him down to his flat.
She admits her fault; deplores it; is glad
there are women so much better and more
fortunate than she ; strives to have hope
for the future, and listens with bounding
blood to every voice that brings back to
her the spotless past. Never does she
quite renounce morality; humanity claims
her to the last. Miserable, down-trodden,
wholly forsaken, she looks up from the
dross and the mire and hears the lark of
her love singing at the gates of heaven.
There are many inen who appear to be
struggling against adversity, and yet are
happy ; bait yet more, who, although.. a
bounding in wealth, are miserable.
Unmarried' Women :
We are leaving behind us the days in
which perpetual maidenhood was consid
ered a disgrace; yet there is still a cer
tain stigma attached to unmarried women,
and one of the great social 'problems of
the day is to explain why there are so
many marriageable women .who are nev
er married. Some say that his owing to
an excess in numbers of women over men.
in .consequence of which there are mit,htm
bands enough to go round.„lThis, how
ever, is disproied by.statistiO, Take the
world through, and the figures show that
there are as many, in, it as there are
women. Others, attribute it to - the (pc
pensiveness of modern life. Afen.do; not
marry because, it is said, they ; cappot.,att
ford to. But the feet ,is.;that ~,no' Man
who truly laved a woman ever, hesit'sted
to become engaged to liKT,and eventually
-marryher-beeause-ofpoverty- f -Certainly;-
Men and 'wome n as prase to marriage
now in any '. period the World's histo
ry. Newertheless, there are. many. women
wanting husbands, and*Dot getting . them.
.Every social circle is full of them. ,
They are pretty, they are accompli sh _
ed, they are sensible, and under proper
training they would make excellent wives
and mothers ; but they never get a chance.
What seems to be needed is a more thovi
ough method of bringing men and women
into social .contact,with, each other. Love
must have some basis to build upon, and
the constant companionship of the sexes
The l inhabitants of Boston,. haye
many recollections ,of, a. certain French
shopkeeper, familiarly, known .as Johnny
Lepine. On one occasion a customer ,
found Johnny in high glee. `,Ah I” said ,
Johnny, chuckling, . Tye made $10,,000
this morning!',', " "Sew is , that, Mr. Le-,
pine !" Oh I've just been ,gqing over ,my
shelves and hale marked um „ all my
ces twenty per sent, which comes tco morel
than $10.000." . s „
Are there not, a. ,good mapi..4ohnnyi
Lepines who want twenty Ter cent ofwa-,
ter put into . our currency, so that the
can thus mark up their „ducks or hand,'
and think themselves thq.,richer, fer.,the
false measure ? _
Deeds are fruit; words are leaves."
Things past may be repented, but not
He who has no charity merits tio me
Your only. treasures are those you car
ry in your heart., . . •,.
To him who wills, the way . is' seldein
The strictest justice is the greatest mer
The best gubstitute for coal ? Warm
"John," said n clt-ryman to• his man,
"you should become a teetotaler : you
have been drinking again to•day." "Do•
you ever take a drop yoursel,' meenister?"
"Yes, John ; but you must look at your
circumstances and mine." Very true, sir,"
said John ; "but can you tell me how the
streets of Jerusalem were kept so.clean ?"
"No, John, I cannot tell yon
"Well, sir, it was just because eveiy'one
kept his sin door clean." - • ; '.! •
There is as much merit iti indexing to
the humorous side of nature as to the so
ber and sedate. 'Men and women were
made to laugh and to indulge inpleasant
ries just as much as to pray and fast Be•
cause a face is uncomonlyiong instead of
wide it does not follow that its possessor
is a first•class saint We would as soon
trust a countenance got up on the broad
as the long gauge.
The world failing.to end in accordance
with the last prediction of the Adventists,
their newspaper organ comes out. in new
type and every preparation fer-perma;
nence. "After all," says its editor, "may
it not be true that we are thesimpe min
ded, foolish people the world- at , large
esteems us to • be, and our hopes mere
A,• saloon-keeper in one of: the towns
where the Women's. Whiskey War is rag
ing, .made• a center shot when hezeplied
to a lady who asked why he,kept his win
dows glazed and a screen.in front of the
door, that it was to hide the temperance
men when they came-in-for' a drink:
A man in Main writes that he has dis
covered a sure cure for consumption
mullein leaf tea, sweetened and drank
freely every day from three to six months:
The mullein leaves, unless from young
plants, must be gathered before July 25,
and dried in the shade.
When we have come to understand the
reason why. we live, and distinctly per•
ceive the end and aim of existence here on
eaith, it is a pleasant task, to trace back
the path by which the Divine goodness
conducted us, and to observe that all was
wisdom and love.
There is a good deal of .sound wisdom
in the suggestion of the farmer: "If you
want yOur boy to stay at home, don't bear
too hard on the grindstone when he turns
A gloomy companion can sigh and
groan the most cheerful person into des
Opportunities are like flowers that fade
at night : seize them, therefore while they
It is better to do a great deal of think
ing than a great deal of drinking.
411,00 PEE YEAR
mix aud Snmwr.
When a Milwaukee 'piper remarked
recently "The lilac bushes are buddint;"
a reader said moitedly,."You lilac Satan."
Said an Irish ; justice to, au obstreper,-
ous prisoner,owtrial. "We .want
but silence, and 'but little Of.tbat." , •
The patrons of Husbandry hi Wisconsin
have'sterted' a newsiaiier entitled the
Mincing Machine. '
A man coral:ll446h* of a stinstr,olos, was
asked -. what' he mearit, as 'fie 'looked in
good health. hays by plebe? of
"W,hy . de <yap keep,yourselfsp d4taat?
said a fair one to herfoyer.'' "Because,"
said he;* "distatiee less enehintnient to
ABoston , man was cursing au — editor
the other.dar when he fell dead. Bever
at instances have been lately re
ported. 4,en.ehould lie careful in speak
ing of iiiyibing_sicVed.
At a late meeting of a New England
debating society 0341b1/owing question was
argued : "Can the watermelon be success
fully .cultivate 4, qik,sandy Nit; in a guru!.
town of four. thonsand inhabitants, and a,
theological institute, located near blf, con
taining enelendred anitisitenty students
stud lug t for the ministry ?" •
A Western gentleman smokes a cigar
while milking hie cow, and theothernight,
.absorbed thou ght ; he low4eols, bead;
the 14140 end oft4e cigitc toik'ehed,,;,he
- oiAre hall; and away tfie ; tnilker " went a"
ekes the' alley; thoughlilekedliY atter
sly mu l e : . .t.
An ex that had been iiiiinifeimenteil.
MAP, which PAVAVice fortlx!ak
lug ale, became intoileaten, , waa qf.
feied feesain 411 a• it; ' 4 '666:1"
1 . "Well; rieighbOr, ivtia is the' most
•Christian nevid thisUininlit" said igen
tlennu to sTriend..- "FliiiVe just bought
a barrel of flour for a 'poor .woman:'— .
"Just like you! Who is lkyou have made
bappy with your cha.rity,this time f"'"My
wife." ' •
Aprsoner in pet ty court was asked by,
•the Judge whether be haihany:c*Os*
”Yes," he.said, ,"I hadQingaged,*Old
baid?headed fe,llow to defend ;ine::b4;./‘!'
don't see hint round; and I giiesste 3 eXtit:
" •itt, "'sale a traveler
ski the stone wall Arounil your 'shlintt,
so,thiekr "Why please yer honer,' 1114',
they have •extrornory 'high' winds in
moray-, so I thought if I.• built it' about_
as, thick as it was high, if it shoulit,,blow
over it would be just as high as "itl r WaS
ore, yer honor.
man.flvith some ; wit and a very long
43080 meta neighbor one frosty.morriing,
who sang out, "Halloio,S,thith, I ineetho
end of your nose backhere o r plece, and
saw it was completelyfrozen?! 4 .1!T0 fault
of mine," said the undisturbed .inith ; "1
ttbed itas far asl . could leach:" '
A lost cogs vias • lately - ,advertised by
the following notice, which was Posied on
trees and fences near the owner's building:
"Strayed orstclen—A •large Red Km;
with • Taller, specs on her left side, and a
pair of white specks cn, T her right
She is about seven or eight years old, and
belongs tb' 'a widow with a Short' ail. Ted
dollars will q)eg.iven to anybody: who will
return her to Newark:. •
Allot-years-ago, a. kungry company 'sat
down. at the well-spread supper-table of
a Sound steamer r upen which ono of. the
dishes (=tabled ; asingle trout of moderate
size. A serifitiAoOking individual at once
drew this dish.tbnirds sayin'g apolo=
gctically, "This is a fast day with me."
His next neighbor i fan Irish gentleman.
immediately , msurteli his A:k i ck ip.the,fisli
iina'irdinfirred 'it 'to his own plate re ;
marking, "Jesus! air;do,you suppose no:-
body .has a, sowi .beqaveci but yoursellf?"
In a Detroit knee iiiotri rec . ently when
a-man was afinut.to be tried-Tor 'assault
and:battery, heibrought lorward .his boy,
ten yeFs,pld, as a witness. , The' justice
iisked,the rid if knew the nature of
an oath, iitkasthil boy said his father* had
explained it. l "What (I'd be say ?" asked
the justice. '"He said," .replied the buy,
•`that if I didn't swear that the other fel.
low struck first he'd tan: the whole hide
. off my back." He wasn't used on the
A young Boston mechanic saw an over
coat in a second-hand clothing store,
which he — thought , he would b:glad tc,
iossess at a reasonable price. 'How in uch?'
e asked., '',Twenty-one dollars," -was the
snswer. "The usual haggling took place,
and the mechanic started to leave the store.
"How rnoosh you tit 7" asks the merchant.'
"Three dollars.', • •"Take it, then. I shall
shust be ruin Uf myself. • I only make
two dollars of dat coat, zo help me gra
A doctor called on, a cholera 'patient, n.
_German. Prescribed. Next day, ,found,
patient well.' "Well,". said the doctor,
"the medicine brought you out ?" "No,
sir; I didn't take it."
"What did you faker' "I ate saner
*rant, and turmrsauce." So the doctor
memeramdum, "Sauer.k iaut
and turnip:sauce good'fOrehnlera.": Next
week' , another call. Irishman this.time.
Prescribed eager -kraut and turnips. Next.
day called; thuiathe IriShmUn desikeffp'
he wrote'op the old, nit , morantlunl;
"Saner-kraut' and turnip. sauceoed for.
a Duchman; lilt death toan' Irushozan.''