BY W. BLAIR. VOLUME 20. !'BB WAYMBORO' VILLAGI REteltt ' PUBLIHHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING By W. BLAIR. iEfi AS—Two Dollars per Annum if paid within the year; Two Dollars and Fifty cents after the expiration of the year. ADVERTISEMENTS—One Square (10 lines) three insertions, $1,50; for each subsequent insertion, Thir five Cents per Square. A liberal discount made to yearly adver tisers. LOCALS.—Bnsiness Locals Ten Cents pet line for the first insertion,Ses.r , en Cents for Pilliseutient inserthins profess onal OT?:irds a. B. AMBERSON. Pll YSICIAN AND S LIAG EON, N tsncrPo', PA Office at the Waynesboro' "Corner Drug_ [jane 29—tf. UR., MN YSICIAN AND SURGEON, Offers his professional services to the'pub lie, (Mice in his residence, on West Main street, Waynesboro'. april 24-tf ' DR. BYNJ. 'FRANTZ, PLITSICIAN AND BURGEON, OFFICE—In the Walker Building—near the Bowden House, Night calls should be made at his residence on Main Street ad oining the Western School House. July 20-tf ISAAC N. SNIVELY, PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, WAYNESBORO' PA. • • Office. athis residence, nearly opposite he El , m,len house. . Nov 2—tf. .JOSEPH DOUG-I_IAS ATTORNEY AT LAW. 6 WAYNESBORO'. PA. Practices in the several Courts of Franklin and adjacent Counties. N. 8.--Real Estate leased and sold, and Fire Insurance effected on reasonable terms. December 10, 1871. OR!, it, H., STRAW/Mat (FORMERLY OF MERCF.RSTATRG, PA.,) sfVFERS his Profe.:•ional services to the 4 , PeiLizPLl:- ut W„yneshorct, zaiii 1 .1 21iP(1i ‘ ii . ,11...1 eXtP))• ;lye prat . at Nien'ef:-.loarg, t, iivre hr' ha been prorninenily e:1;. ,. .,.;e0 for a nkinlnTnf years in the practice prott.q..i,•ll. Itzt • ora.,n^tl 111."4.1)Or at the; of tes9re, Esq., .4- F:oiler-in-law, where be Can be form? at al 4.imes vit.en not professionally cngage.l. July 20, 187.1..-tf. A. K. BRAN ISROLTS, RESIDENT DENTIST I a I I, ALSO AGENT For the Best and most Popular Organs in Use Organs always on exhibition and for sale .nt his office. We being acquainted with Dr. Branis holt s socially and professionadly recommend him to ail desiring the services of a Dentist. Drs. E. A. Hmallo, J. M. lilcmu, " A. H. STRICKLER, LN. SNIVELY, •" A. S. BONEBRAKE, T. D. EuENcn. julyl7—tf 3. 11. FORNEY & CO. Produce Commtgien ltiarokallts No. 77 NORTH STREET, BALTIMORE MD. Pay particular attention to the sale of Flour, Grain, Seeds, &c. Liberal advances mane on consignments. may 29-tf DAIRY Y. rIHE subscriber notifies,the public that he has commenced the Dairy business and will supply citizens regularly every morning with Miik or Cream at low rates. Ile will also leave a supply at N. Geiser's Store where persons can obtain either at a ny hour during the day. nu 27-tf BENJ. FRICK, 1-101R.SM DERSDICS wanting Spring-tooth Horse X Rakes can be supplied with a first-class article by calling . on the subscriber. He •continues to repair all kinds of machinery at short noticea.ud neon reasonable terms. The Metcalf excelsior Post Boring and Wood Sawing EcMhines always on hand. JOHN L. METCALF, Feb 27—i Quincy, Pa. J. H. WELSH WITH W. V. LIPPINCOTT & CO, WHOLESALE DEALERS IN Hats, Caps, Furs and Straw Goods, No. 531 Market Street, Philadelphia, Pa april 3-tf BAIIBEIING ! BALBEhINP! 9"HE subscriber having rec ntiv re-paint ed and papered and added new iurni ture to his shop, announces to his custom ers and the public that he will leave noth ing undone to give satisfaction and make comfortable all who may be pleased to fa vor him with their patronage. Shaving. Schampoonin,g, Hair-cutting, etc. promptly attended to. A lung experience in the bar bering business enables him to promise sat isfaction in all cases. \V. A. PRICE. sept THE BOWDEN HOUSE MAIN STREET, WAYNESBORO', PENN'A. HE subscriber having leased this well- I ` known H ,tel property, announces to the public that he has refurnished, re-pain ted and papered it, and is now amply pre pared to accommodate the traveling public and others who may be pleased to favor him with their patronage. An attentive hostler will at all times be in attendance. May 23-tf SAM% P. STONER. elect pottra. --At • • • • , FLOATING DOWN THE MIL , We're floating n the river, The noisless stream of time; its voyagers of all ages— They hail from every clime, It has its lights and shadows, 'Tis fraught with hopes and fears Some cross it in a moment, And some are crossin year; We're floating down the river, At first it seems so wide, That our frail barques can never _Land -on the other-side,- The trip seems one of pleasure; We've nothing now to fear, No tempest can beset us While skies are fair and clear. We're floatingdown the river: As farther on we go, The stream appears more narrow, The waters faster flow, We'er - looking - oat - for - dangers That lie on every side; Our watchword it is "Onward" As down the stream we glide. We're floating down the river; When we've been on it yeare, And cast our glances backward, It but a step appears, The waters now are deeper, The bottom lost from view : Where once the boats were many, They are beat ter ed now, and few. We're floating down the river: As othe• c have before; Oft times a boat will leave us, And strike out for the shore; And then our journey onward More lone and sad is found— One comrade less to cheer us, As we are homeward bound. We're floating down the river; Sume time our tuna come ont from 1 hemhers Ami :•et unt• ail.. I;.r home, And, t:•Len emno. , Ui.,t summons From ores beyond Ul.ll view, Oh, may our boats be ready To dash the breakers through! atlisteitaurous -grading. UNDER FALSE COLORS "My pocket book's goner exclaimed an excited passenger, who had stepped up to the bar to liquor, and so suddenly found himself without means to liqui date. "Mine tool" chorussed a dozen of us, simultaneously chipping our hands on our personal subtreasuries and finding them vacant. There was a commotion on board the gond steamer Swiftsure, one of the best then navigating the Mississippi. A rue ful set we were on whom thus unexpect edly dawned the fact of present insolven. cp. My own case was peculiarly hard.— The money I had lost was my all, I had just drawn it from a hank to pay for a home I had bargained• tar, and to which I was expecting soon to conduct my long intended bride. Poor Kate—l could hard ly, in justice, ask her to wait longer. "It is evident that we have pickpockets on board," observed a grave•looking gen tleman, who had already . found time to talk himself into a leader among us. It waif pretty evident. "They may have gone ashore with the booty," suggested •another"we have al ready made several stomppages." "True," replied the grave gentleman ; "still it is proper that a general search be instituted. It 'will at least serve to dear of suspicion those presen t." "Very right," was the general voice. "And, as a mover of the proposal," the gentleman continued, "I first offer for scrutiny my own person and effects." For form's sake the offer was accepted. Of course no discoveries were made in that quarter. Beyond a decent supply of clothing, a few religious books, a moder ate sum of mony, nothing was found on the gentleman's person or among his ef fects. "At least they have left me my little pittance," he remarked, returning it to his pocket. "I presume they hardly thought it worth while to rob a clergy man." Had we known the gentleman's calling sooner—we were inexcusable not to have surmised it—we certainly should have insistod on his exinption from the test he had just undergone. One after another were put through the ordeal with equally fruitless results. till it came the turn of a slipshod little man, who had hung back to the last, and whom nobody seemed to have noticed un til now. "Step forward, eir, and submit like the rest," said the clergyman. The little man obeyed. As he ap proached, a singular chang% came over A the minister's countenance. t grew pale But the feeling, whatever it was was evan escent. "Do your duty gentlemen," he said in his usual tone of authority. Those appointed to conduct the search proceeded with it. This time results were not so barren. Every one of the missing wallets was found in the little man's pos A FAMILY NEWSPAPER--DEVOTED TO LITERATURE, LOCAL AND GENERAL NEWS. ETC. WAINESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1874. session ! He didn't even flush at his de tection. It was hard to tell whether the clergyman looked mere surprised or pain ed. "What shall be done with him ?" was the general query. "It's a pity the laws are so laxly ad ministered hereabouts," remarked tht minister. "that's true," said another, "there's no use turning him over it, thy law ; be would be out of its e.luteh in a 1, -Let's deal with ;tin) .Isay," spoke up a burly loaking planter from the bayous. "My function forbids that I should ae• lively counsel violence," said the clerical ~.enticinan, with a touch of snivel in his lone .Ne . xer-yotr - ritinc4 - Dmittierthi: planter, "we'll take the responsibility-" "It is greatly to be regretted," the min ister went on, "that such necessities should ever exist, but., it must be confessed, they Sometimes do exist." This time the snivel was more percepti bk. "Sound doctrine, old boss 1" again put in the planter. Just leave the practice A rope , was procured, at one en' of which a noose was improvised, the other being made fast to one of the staunchiong, and the' culprit was giyen ten minutes to prepare.- "Have you no remonstrance to make against this?" asked the littlenian of the minister. ' "Ask your own conscience," replied he, "what remonstrance I can make." "There is but one crime deserving„of death,"- said - the - little - man, svith-Caliti d!stinctness," and that is wilful. murder." Again the minister's fade paled. "Time's up!" admonished the planter. "Now you just mount the guard there and when you're shoved over the side, whether you're banged or drowned 'll da pend on the strength o' the rope," "Can I offer you any spiritual consola tion,.my sinful friend?" said the minister, with -a-snivel-that=was-no You hypocritical villian!" thundered the little man with sudden vehemence. "In your situation, such language to a clergyman is little short of blasphemy," returned the other. "You a celergymanl" exclaimed the little man. "If you ever entered a church in your life it was to rob it." ;(11 , 1y character, I trust is not to be as sailed by the ;handers of oue found with stolen property on him," was the dignified answer. "This has gone far enough," said the little man. "Gentlemen, I'm Tom Han ley, the detective. I hold a warrant for this man's arrest for mdrder and robbery.— It was he who picked your pockets, for he 'is an adept in the act. The accom plice to whom he passed the stolen prop erty Itook aside unobserved, before he left the boat at the landing, and by a lit tle moral suasion induced him to disgorge privately, taking good care he should at terward have no chance to communicate with his principal. Two of my men fol lowed him ashore, and ere now he is as hard fast as this one will soon be." "The detective pulled off his wig and whiskers, when the familiar face of Tom Hen key was recognized by at least a score of those present. "At a given signal, half a dozen stal wart assistants, who we had until now taken for simple passengers, came inward, and in a trice the desperate thief and murderer was taken in custody and man acled. He was taken ashore at the next landing, and in due time bad justice. An Adroit Fraud. Some nine years ago Solomon Bacon, a noted merchant in London, received a letter from his correspondent in Hamburg, which grieved and troubled him. It stated that the writer had been defaulted by his nephew, son of a widowed' sister, of $lO,OOO, and fled to London with the money. There was a reluctance to make the matter public, and Mr. Bacon was desired to keep silance; "but," the latter went on to say, "if you would invite John to dinner, and when alone tax him with the crimp•, he might perhaps refund the money. Should he do so you may give him $500." The London merchant found the young German, took him home, and when the ladies had withdrawn from the dinner table he acquainted his visitor with his knowledge of the fraud. Alarm was depicted on the countenance of his guest. "You will not make this public, Mr.- Bacon?" he asked. "No if you return me the money now and here." "But I lost 81,000 last night at Crock ford's, and have not the power, "Well," said the merchant, "return mg then $9,000, and though I a little exceed my instructions, I will nevertheless glue you back $500." "My uncle is very good," remarked the young man, and he forthwith banded from his pocket nine $l,OOO notes to his host. "I cannot change one of these," said Mr. Bacon; "will net my check do as well?' "Quite," replied the German; and hav ing received the $5OO check, hastily left. "The following morning Mr. Bacon went to his banker to pay in the notes, and found to his surprise that they were all counterfeits. His next inquiry was after his check, but that was already cash ed. He then telegraphed to his Hamburg correspondent, and learned that he was profoundly ignorant about the whole af fair. It was as adroit a fraud as was ever plotted. The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt till they are too strong to be breken.—Dr. Johnson. I'M WEARY I'm weary of life and its battles, Tired of learning so oft That one fairest and sweetest flowers Perish first in the blast of the north ; That our hopes, likc withered leaves, Fall one by one, quickly and sure ; And not even our loves and our friendships In adversity's winds will endure. rm tired, .too, oflife's envies, Its quarrels, its frauds, and its strife ; And I fain in the grave would be lying' If death were the end of life. The friends that I loved and trusted Have failed- me one by one, And my loved ones too have vanished, I —.lAte-the - mists - before - the - su . I once had a darling cousin, "With eyes that were dark and deep ;" But coldly the death shades were falling, And she fell 'mid her shadows asleep: I once loved a pretty floweret, That gay in garden smiled ; But the winter's chill breath touched it, And it faded and drooped and died. Each thing that I loved and cherished Passed from me soonest of all; And now all that's dearest and nearest . I dare not love at all • The robins sing in the morning, And the lillies dunce in the breeze That; whispering, tosses the ivy, And coquets with the laughing trees. But into my heart steal no echoes The music of—life-has fled The hopes of my childhood are ended 1 The hopes of my youth are dead t So I am weary, weary and tired ; Feign would I lie asleep, Where the grass in the churchyard swaying With the willows forever weep. CONNECT/CUT BLUE LAWS. le_statutes_co iiedbelow,-from-an-an- cient volume relating the history of the American Colonies, were enacted by the people of the "dominion of New Haven" and being printed on blue paper came to be known as the famous blue laws. The Governor and magistrates conven ed in General Assembly, are the supreme power, under God, of this independent dominion. From the determination of the Assem bly no appeal shall be made. The Governor is amenable to the voice of the people. The Assembly of the people shall not be dismissed by the Governor, but shall dismiss itself. Conspiracy against the dominion shall be punished with death. Whosoever says there is power and jurisdiction above and over the dominion, shall suffer death and loss of property. Whoever attempts to change or over• turn the dominion shall suffer death. The judges shall determine no contro versies without a jury. No one shall be a freedman or give a vote unless he be converted and a mem ber of one of the churches allowed in the dominion. Each freeman shall swear by the bless ed God to bear true illegiance to this do minion, and that Jesus is the only king. Nu Quaker, no dissenter from the esta blished worship of this dominion, shall be allowed to give a vote for the electing of magistrates• or any other officer. No food or lodgings shall be offered to Quaker, Adamite or heretic. If any person turns Quaker he shall be banished and not suffered to return but • on pain of death. No Priest shall abide in the dominion ; he shall be banished, and suffer death on his return. Priests may be seized by any one with out a warrant. No one to cross a river, on the Sabbath but an authorized clergyman. No one shall run on the Sabbath day or walk in his garden, or elsewhere, ex cept reverently to and from meeting. No one shall travel, cook vituals, make beds, or sweep houses, cut hair or shave, on the Sabbath day. No one shall kiss her children on the Sabbath or fasting days. The Sabbath shalt begin at sunset on Saturday. To pick an ear of corn growing=in neighbor's garden shall be deemed theft. A person accused of trespass in the night shall be judged guilty, unless he clears kimselt' by his oath. When it appears that the accused has confederates, and he refuses to discover them, he may be racked. None shall buy or sell lands without permission of the selectmen. A drunkard shalt have a master ap pointed by the.selectraen, who are to bar him from liberty of buying and selling. Whosoever publishes a. lie in the pre. judice of his neighbor, shall be sent in the stocks or be whipped ten stripes. No minister shall keep a school. Every ratable person who refuses to pay his proportion to the support of the minister of the, town or parish, shall he fined by•court .£5 4s, every quarter until he or she pay the rate to the minister. Men stealers shall suffer death. Whosoever wears' clothes trimmed with gold, silver or bone lace above is per yd. shall be presented by the grand jurors, and the selectmen shall tax the offender £3OO estate. A debtor in prison, swearing he has no estate, shall be let out and sold for satis. faction. Whosoever sets fire to the woods, and it burns a louse, shall suffer death ; and persons suspected of this crime shall be imprisoned without benefit or bail. Whosoever brings cards or dice into this dominion, shall pay a fine of £5. No one shall read , common prayer books, keep Christmas , or set days, eat mince pies, dance, play cards, or play an instrument of music, except the drum, trumpet and Jew's harp. No gospel minister shall join people_ in marriage, -- The magistrate only shall join them in marriage, as be may do it with less scandal to Christ's church. When parents refuse their children convenient marriages, the magistrates shall determine the point. The selectmen on ending ehildren norant may take them away from their parents and put them in better hands at the expense of their parents. ".; Fornication shall be punished by com pelling marriage, or as the court shall think proper. A:dalmry - slrall - be - punished-with-death.- A man who strikes his wife shall pay a. fine of .£lO. A woman who strikes her husband shall be punished as the law directs. A wife shall be deemed good evidence against her-husband. ' No. man shall court a maul in person or by letter, without obtaining consent of her parents; 5 penalty for the first of fence ;• £lO fbr the second ; and for the t Ir., Imprisonment of the court. . Married persons must live together or be imprisoned. e —rynale==unrst=havhis-,ihair--cut round according to his cap. President Linzoln's Dream. Not a trait in the character of Abra ham Lincoln was more prominent anu admired-than-his-domesticity-and-love of those times when he could surround him self with his family and entertain him self and them with cheerfulness and profi• table conversation. While he was neither a professor of re ligion, nor even fixed in his belief in any particular creed, still he was fond of rea ding and discussing the Bible. On these Sunday evenings he invariably read a chapter or two from the Scriptures, and then gave his emplanation of it. On one evening he read several pas sages in the Old and New Testani,ent a bout dreams, to which Mrs. Lincoln and the children grew very attentive. At length he raised hie eyes from the book and said— "It is strange how much there is in the Bible about dreams ; there are I think some sixteen different chapters in the Old Testament, and four in the New, in which dreams are mentioned." "Well, said Mrs. Lincoln with a slight smile, do you believe in dreams ?" "Frankly I can say that I do not, but I had one the other night that has haunt ed me ever since." "When I opened the Bible this evening, strangely enough it was at a passage about dreams, and my thoughts were in that direction." "Mr. Lincoln looked serious." "Do tell the dream father, cried bright eyed little Tad Lincoln ?" "Why, saith Mrs. Lincoln, you fright en me with your solemn looks. "Well to begin the dream, said Mr. Lincoln : About ien days ago I retired one night late. I had been up waiting for some important dispatches, and was not in bed long before I fell into slum ber, durin,gtny slumber I began to dream. I thought there was a stillness about me and I heard weeping. I thought that I got up and went down stairs, as I went from room to room, I heard nothing but moaning and weeping. lat last came to the end of the room when I entered, and there before me was a magnificent dias, on which was a corpse. I said to one of the soldiers, who is dead in the White House? He answered, the President.— How did he die I asked ? By the hand of an assassin, was the reply. I then heard a great wailing all over the house, and it was so loud that it seemed to awa ken me. I awoke much depressed and slept no more that night. On the night of the fatal 14th of April 1865, when the President was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth, . Mrs. Lincoln's first exclamation was—his dream was prophetic. This remark was not then understood. Subsequently Mr. Lincoln's dream was told to many in Washington. ONE IDEA OF POVERTY.--It was Bulwer who said that in nine cases out of ten pov erty is only an idea. Some men with 'ten thousand dollars a year suffer. more want of means than .others with three hundred. The reason is, the richer man has artifi cial wants. His income is ten thousand, and he suffers enough from being dunned for unpaid debts to kill a sensitive man. A man who earns a dollar a day, and who does not run in debt, is the happier of the two. Very few people who have never been rich will believe this, but it is true. There are thousands and thousands with princely incomes who never know a moment's peace, because they live beyond their means. There is really more happi- ness in the world among working people than among those who are called rich— always providing that poor folks do not, in a smaller way, emulate the prodigality of their rich brethern. Poverty is simply a question of the good or bad management of money in hand. MODERN SAYINGS. -- Let your motto he "Liberty or Death,"and if it comes to the pin& take the most,of it in liberty. Honor thy father and thy mother, par ticularly about circus time, when you don't know where to raise fifty cen's. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Borrow his plow, hoe or horses whenever you can, but if'he wants to borrow yours tell him that you're very sorry, but you were just going to use them yourself. A TOAST.—Woman — the last and best lof the series : if we may have her fora toast, we won't ask for any but•her. The Protestant Cow. Paddy Murphy and his wife Bridget, after many years of bard labor in ditch ing and washing, had accumulated a suf ficiency to purchase a cow, (of course they had pigs,) which they . did at the first op portunity. As it was bought of a Pro testant neighbor, Pat stopped on his way home at the house of the priest,• to pro- cure a bottle of holy water with which to exercise the false faith out of her. "Isn't she a foine creature 2', asked Pat of the admiring Bridget. "Just hold her till I fix the shed." To save the precious fluid from harm, he took it into the house and set it up in a cupboard until he had 'fixed' things.— Then he returned and brought the bottle back, and while Bridget was holding the - rope - , - nroceeded to pour it upon-her-back. But poor Pat had made a slight mis take. Standing within the same closet was a bottle of aquafortia, that had been procured for a different purpose, and, as it dropped upon the back of the poor cow,_and_the.hair began to _smoke aLd the flesh to burn she exhibited a decided appearance of restlessness. `Pour on more,Paddy,' shouted Bridget, as she WI led stoutl at the rope. EM3 'l'll give er enoug and he ewptied the bottle. Up went the heels of the cow, down her head, over went Bridget and half a, Aozen—of-the-‘childers,—and-away-dashed she infuriated bcvine down the street, to the terror of all mothers and the delight of the doffs. Poor Pat stood for a moment, breath less with astonishment, and then clapping his hands upon his hip'S, looked sorrowful liftet - the - retretiting-cowi-and exclaimed,— "Be jabbers, Bridget, but isn't the Pro testant sthrong in her—the baste ?" Brigham Young's Favorite Wife. How large is his little family circle? He had nineteen wives until I left, and forty-five children. • How does he support them? Well, the most of them support them selves. Brigham compels them to do it. For instance he only allows enough to each one to purchase the bare necessities of life—calico dresses! Women in Utah have the same pride and ambition about their personal appearance that they have anywere else. If they want anything better, they are compelled to take in boar. ! ders or do sewing, or something of that sort. That is the way he treats all of them but the favorite, Amelia Fulsom. She dresses,in silk and satin, eats at the same table with him, and does nothing all the day. The rest eat in the same dining-room, and they are compelled to look on. Ful som can do anything she likes with him. It would be interesting to know which of the nineteen wives was able to capture Brigam, and maintain an ascendency over him. How is she able to manage him? By her temper. she has an awful tem per, and she can scold him into anything. Is she good looking? 'No, she is ugly, and •over forty years old. They say lam jealous, but that is not the case. . Well, then, does ber charms lie in her intellect? No, I ain't jealous of her a bit—she is the reverse of refined—indeed, she is the coara est and mest vulgar• of all the wives of Mr. Young. Her reputation is bad—that is it was bad until she married Brigham. I don't like to repeat what is said about her all over Salt Lake. She rules him by her strong will and bad temper. How does he manage the rest of his wives? He keeps them at a distance, and no fa miliarity is allowed from them. They don't dare to speak to him except now and then when he is extra good,natured. Brigham has been a good deal of a flirt in his day. There is no excuse for his meanness towards his wives, because he is enormously wealthy.-81. Louis Globe's Interview with Ann Eliza Young. OCCUPATION.—What a glorious thing it is for the human heart ! Those who work hard seldom yield to fancied or real sorrow. When grief sits, down, folds its hands, and•mournfully feeds upon its own fears; waving the dim shadows that a lit tle exertion might sweep away into a fu neral pall, the strong spirit is shorn of its might, and sorrow becomes our master. When troubles flow upon you dark and heavy, toil not with waves, and wrestle not with the torrent ; rather seek by occu pation to divert the dark waters that threaten to overwhelm you into a thous and s channels, which the duties of life al ways present. Before you dream of it, those waters will fertilize the present and give birth to fresh flowers, that will be come pure and holy in the sunshine which penetrates to the path of' duty in spite of every obstacle. Grief; after all is but a selfish feeling, and most selfish is the man who yields himself to the indulgence of any passion which brings no joy to his fel low men. WITY FARMERS ARE HE LTIII ER THAN PROFESSIONAL MEN.-1. They may work more, and develop all the leading muscles of the body. 2. They take their exercise in the open sir, and thus breathe a greater amount of oxygen. 3. Their food and drinks are commonly less adulterated, and far my le simple.- 4. They do not overwork their brain as much as industrious professional men do. 5. They take their sleep, commonly during the hours of darkness, and do not try to turn day into night, by sleeping during the hours of light. 6. They are not, commonly, so ambi tious, and do not wear themselves out so rapidly in the fierce contests of rivalry. "Pat, you are wearing • wour stockings wrong side outward." "o . ch, and don't I know it, to be sure ! There's .a hole on the other side, there is." Mit and <Rumor. A marriage on a railway train may properly be termed a railroad tie. Why is 'making motions' at an old ram like churning? Because it makes the butter come. Which looks worst, to see a dress gath ered at the bust, or "busted" at the gath ers ? What is that • sic has a mouth and never speaks and a !ed in which it never sleeps.? A. river. What is the difference between a temp tation and eternity ? One is a wile of the _deviLand_the otheris a, devil_of_a_ while. The La Crosse Democrat says ; "They may talk about this being a mild winter all they please, but it is a mighty hard winter on banks and city treasurers." The Green Briar (Miss.) Herald, in suspending, says : "Hang this town ! Hang all the men in it—throw the rest into-the ' I cucumbers." now quo A yoing man who bad just returned from a sequestered village to the city, de -clared-thatit-was-sustill-ar-night-in-tbe-- country •tavern where he lodged that you could 12 Ar a bed tick. A man was boasting that he had been married for twenty years and had never given his wife a cross word. Those who we suppose he forgot to mention anything about that. `ally dear," said a husband to his wife, on observing new red striped stockings on his only heir, "why have, you made barber's poles out of our Child's legs ?" Because he is a little shaver," was the neat reply. "Patrick," said the priest, "how much hay did you steal ?" "Will, I may as well confess to your riverence for the whole stack, for I'ni go ing after the rist to night." A young gentleman at Kansas City sent seventy-five cents to New York recen tly for a method of writing without pen or ink. He received the following inscrip tion on a card: "Write with a pencil." Of all the blessings enjoyed by human beings, there is nothing better or more desirable than a cheerful, happy home.— It is therefore the first duty of all to en deavor to promote the most amicable re lations in the home circle. Said a tipsy husband to his wife, "you need—needn't bl—lame me!" 'Twas woman that first tempted man to eat for bidden things." "Woman may have tempted man to eat forbidden things," said his wife, "but he , took to drinking on his own accord." Some jackass says, "Cheer up, cheer up; it's a long lane that has nn turn." Don't we know it? Of course it's a long lane that has no turn. How perfectly absurd to expect a fellow to "cheer up" because a long lane has no turn! We de• cline to cheer up fur any such reason. Sumebody is apprehensive that after the passage of the Civil Eights bill, we shall to have to spell nigger with a big N, because Caucasian is spelled with a big C and Indian with a big This is of course, on the principle that to spell nig ger with a little n would be making a die tinctieu .on account of "race, color or pre vious condition of servitude," A negro preacher at a Georgia camp. meeting told his hearers that they could never enter heaven with whiskey bottles in their pockets, and urged them to bring 'em right up to the pulpit, and be would offer 'em a sacrifice to de Lord. It was done, but the preacher was found incapa ble when the huur for evening service ar rived." The story is told of a negro who pray ed earnestly that he andhis colored breth ern might be preserved from what he cal led their "upsettiu' sins." "Brudder," said one of his ftienda=at the close of the meeting, "you ain't got the bang of dat ar word. It's besettin', not upsettin."-- "Brudder," replied the other, "if dat's so, it's so. But I was praying de Lord to save us from the sin of intoxication, and if dat ain't an upsettin' sin I dunno what am." Poor innocent little Tommy! But his mother rather got him by the short hair for once., as vide the following: "Little Tommy didn't disobey mamma and go in swimming, did he?" "No, roam ma ; Jimmy Brown and the rest of the boys went in, but I remembered and would not disobey you." "And Tommy never tells a lie, does he ?" "No, mamma, I couldn't go to heaven." Then how does Tommy happen to have on Jimmy Brown's shirt ?" A colored man applied to .a Boston savings -bank, wishing to draw-one dollar. The clerk informed him that the iron rule of the institution forbid the withdrawal of less than three dollars. Our colored brother was in deep study fer a few mo ments, and then said : Snr, I'll take de free dollars. The three dollars were paid him, when at once he added: "Now, sar. if yer please, sac, poset two dollars in de institution." The amount was duly received and credited, when, with his loose dollar in his pocket, ,he gave the clerk a sly wink, and walked away. $2,00 PER YEAR. kink' i ii N ;IBM!
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers