0/ . /e #lolaftratsbara' Alliittage Itt BY W. BLAIR. VOLUME 26. THE WAYNESBORO' VILLAGE RECORD PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY MO/INING By VV. BLAIR. TEEMS—Two Dollars per Annum if paid -withinthe_year; Two Dollars and Fifty cepts after the expiration of the year. ADVERTISEMENTS—One Square (10 lines) three insertions, li1,50; for each subsequentinsertion, Thir five Cents per SqUare. A liberal discount made to- yearly adver tisers. LOCALS.—Business Locals Ten Cents per line for the first insertion, Seven Cents for subseauent insertions #rirrwimatAlarit J. - B. AMBERSON. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON; WAYNESBORO', PA. 'Office at the Waynesboro' "Corner Drug ore."[jane 29—tf. , OBJ., INN MJ., Bile n, PHYSICIAN _ AND SURGEON, Offers his professional services to the pub lic. 0 thee in his residence, on West Alain street, Waynesboro'. npril 24-tf DR. BENJ. FRANTZ, PHYSICIAN AND SUR GEO.Y, OFFICE—In the Walker Building—near the Bowden House. Night calls should be made at his residence on Main Street ad oining the Western School House. -- July 20-tf ISAAC N. SNIVELY, PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, WAYNESBORO' PA. Office at his residence,. nearly opposite he Bowden House. , Nov 2—tf. JOSEPH DOTIGMLA.S ATTORNEY AT LAW. WAYNESBORO', PA. Practices in the several Courts of Franklin and adjacent Counties. Estate leased and sold, and .Fire insurance effected on reasonable terms. I)ecember lu, IS7I. akii, it., R, STACCIL,LERt (FOR3IEHLV OF 311.1LCEIZ5IWRG, PA.,) OFFEI*.; his Professional services to the citizens of Waynesboro' and vicinity. Sratcxuat has relinquished an exten sive practice at Mercersburg, where he has been prominently engaged for a number of years in the practice of his profession. lie has opened an Office in Waynesboro', nt the residence of George Besore, Esq., .1 is Father-in-law, where he can be fonne at al times when not professionally engagel July 21, 1871.-tf. A. K. BRANISHOLTS, RESIDENT DENTIST VI II ALSO AGENT For the Best and most Popular Organs in Use Organs always on exhibition and for sale at his office. We being acquainted with Dr. Branis bolts socially and professionally recommend him to all desiring the services of a Dentist. Drs. E. A. liniusa, J. M. litrct.E, " A. H. STRICKLER, I. N. Sxivaix, " A. S. BONEDRAKE, .T. D. FRENC/I. j ulyl 7 —tf ---- - - - - J. K. FORNEY & CO. Prauce .02MMISSIan Maratialas ..No. 77 NORTH STREET, BALTIMORE, MD. Pay particular attention to the sale of Flour, Urrain, Seeds, (kc. Liberal advances made on consignments. may 29—tf ID Is_ I .16 ar II 'HE subscriber notifies the public that 1 he has commenced the Dairy business and will supply citizens regularly . every morning with Milk or Cream at low rates. He will also leave a supply at M. Geiser's :Store where persons can obtain either at a ny hour during the day. no" 47-tf • BE J. FRICK. HORSE RAKES_ 'BERSON'S wanting Spring-tooth Horse 51_ Rakes can he supplied with a first-class Article by calling on the subscriber. He continues to repair all kinds of machinery at abort noticeand upon reasonable terms. The Metcalf excelsior Post Boring and Wood Sawing EcMines always on hand. JOHN L. 'METCALF, Quincy, Pa. Feb 27-i J H. WELSH %wilt W. V. LIPPINCOTT & CO, WHOLESALE DEALERS Is Hats, Caps, Furs and Straw Goods, No. 531 Market Street,, Philadelphia, Pa pril 3-tf BARBERING I BAhBERING I THE subscribeihaving recently re-tenant ed and papered and added new furni ture to his shop, announces to /tis custom ers and the public that he will leave noth ing undone to give satisfaction and make comfortable all who may be pleased to fa vor him with their patronage. Shaving, Szchampooning, Hair-cutting, etc. promptly attended to. A long experience in the bar bering business enables him to promise sat isfaction in all cases. W. A. PRICE. Sept 18--tf Ii II i i De Mil 0 Dk 111 ; 01 M.DI MAIN STREET, WAYNESBORO', PENN'A. MITE subscriber having leased this well known; H,tel property, announces to the public that he has refurnished, re-pain ted and papered it, and is now amply pre pared to accommodate the traveling public and others who may be pleased to fiwor laim with their patronage. An attentive ostler will at all times be in attendance. .Nlav 23-tf h.A3l'l, WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 1874. cltct pearg. LOST BELIEFS. One after one they left; The sweet birds out of our breasts, Went flying away in the morning; Will_the3r_come.again to their nests? Will theyeinne again At nightfall, With God's breath in their song • Noon is fierce with the heats of summer And summer days are long ! O my life, with thy upward liftings, — Thy - down-ward striking roots, Ripening out thy tender blossoms But hard and 'Atter fruits! In thy boughs there is no shelter For the birds to seek again, The desolate nest is broken, And torn with storms and rain ! DON'T BE SORROWFUL Ali,-don't be sorrowfnl, darling, And don't be sorrowful, pray ; Taking the year together, my dear, There isn't more night than day. 'Tis rainy weather, my darling, Time's waves they heavily run, But taking the year together, my dear, There isn't more cloud than sun. Aliscellaurous geading. STRANGIE METAMORPHOUS., MOST REMARKABLE CASE ON RECORD. [From the Evensville Journal.] Malone, Washington county, N. Y., Nov. 3, 1873.—1 must crave your pa tience not to throW this letter aside .be cause it is long. It contains one of the strangest cases that I ever heard of, and one that is creating great excitement in this neighborhood, because of its appar ent impossibility-, its plain inconsistency with natural science as known to the doc tors of our day, and its mysterious character, which places it among the mi racks. . Two years ago a farmer started from this neighborhood to go to Nashville, Tenn. He took with him several hun dred dollars, a trunk of clothing, a patent right model for a spring bed and several letters of introduction to parties iu the South. The last heard of him was at Terre Haute, when he wrote that he was feeling ill, but would . push on to EVensville, where had he an old friend by the name of David Weaver, with whom lie intended to spend a few days, after which he would proceed on his journey. He was never heard of again, or at leastsueh is the claim of his wife and two sons, who are now resisting the claims of a stranger, who pretends to .be the man, although he is eight inches taller than Willis Peyton, the missing man ; has brown curley hair and luxuriant beard, whereas Peyton 'had light hair, nearly red awl very scanty beard. Another ra dical point of difference is, the claimant is round-favored and has an equiline nose while Peyton was thin and had a large, arched nose, and closely resembled Wil liam Bodford, Jr., of your city, except in the color of his hair. So far the case seems simply a specimen of artistic lying, but the sequel shows the strangness of it. About lour months ago this man came to this neighborhood, and entered the house of the widow Peyton, as she is call ed, took a seat, and, looking at Mrs. Per ton, said : "I suppose you don't know me Addie ?" Mrs. Peyton answered : "No sir, I do not. Who are you ?' The stranger burst into tears, and said: "You'll not believe me, I know, when I tell you : but its got to come sometime, and might as well now as not. I'm Wil lis Peyton." Mrs. Peyton, who is a woman of nerve and decision of character, ordered the f.. - low, out of doors, and he persisted that lie was her husband, and causing trouble, was taken by her sous and a hired man to the nearest J ustice, and committed to jail as a lunatic. The question first arose on his sanity by a commission of lunacy tried before a Surrogate, and it was deci ded that he was perfectly sane on It's own testimony, or rather on examination of himself. In court, he related to the Surrogate circumstances which had occurred in his court years before; told the lawyers ma ny things of themselves that a stranger could not know; related his owit family history, giving some minute details well known to all, and even reminded Mrs. Peyton of words spoken in her courtship that it seemed utterly impossible for any one but she and her husband to know. His story as related under oath is that he left Terre Haute on the train, and af ter a short time seemed to lose his senses or at least lost all consciousness of what was transpiring around him, but he thinks he was taken to a hospital in Evansville, where he tra p sick with small pox. From the hospital he was released in a state of semi consciousness, entirely bald and toothless, his hair and teeth. having. fall en out: When he asked for his clothes they gave: him what Aipeated to, be the clothes of a smaller.dhan, his legs going through the pants and Jawing from four to six inches below unprotected. He could get no trace of either his money, watch or other effects ; and half crazy with mortification,' he sought out his friend David Weaver, only to be spurned as an imposter trying to sow pes tilence. Weaver's remarks to him caused him to examine himself, and to his astonish ment he found that, although forty-two years of age, he had grown five inches in eight weeks. This was the solution of the repulse by his friends, and' feebly crawl ing along, a kind hearted person directed him to the engine -house, where he slept for three nights and was laughed at by the policemen and loungers for his redic ulous appearance. He looked in a glass at the station-house, and although the -glass-was-a-bad-onee-could-see-that-he was much altered. At first he thought he would drown himself, he felt so miser able, but he concluded to try to get home again. On his way back he was taken ill again, and again the world was a blank to him. Where this sickness took place ho cannot tell, nor is he certain of any of the events of the past two years after leaving Terre Haute, except what occur.; red during. a few days at Evansville, where, he says, a watchman at the engine house was kind to him l and gave him a portion of his midnight lunch. .11e is now prosecuting his claim to be recogniz -ed-as—W-illis-Peytoni-and-the-best-legal and medical talent in the vicinity is en gaged in the case. He has thus far undergone severe scru tiny, and, notwithstanding his claims are most extraordinary, it seems probable that he will establish his identity.. The principal-evidence in his favor is that of several marks and scars on his person.— When he was a lad he received a severe cut on the instep which left a bad scar.— This scar is on the claimant, but is longer than the original. He had a tattoo mark of an American shield on his right arm, and this appears on the claimant, but out of proportion, and on his left arm an an chor, which is also elongated out of due proportion. Peyton had also a vary curi ous scar on one of his fingers, disfigured by being crushed in a cogwheel. A close and critical examination of this finger by the phsician who dressed it inclines that gentleman to say that it is the finger of Willis Peyton, and a remark made by the claimant while the doctor was exam ining made him certain. Doctor, do you recollect how sick I was made by a sight of that finger when you and mother were dressing it one day? and do you recollect how I came to you one day to know what would take the inflamation out of my arm where I was tatooed by Jim Bayne, the sailor?" The old doctor says Jim Bayne wrought angels and angels on the arm of all the boys around, and he well remembered how sore Willis Payten's was and the circumstance of his fainting while his sore finger was being dressed one day. When asked why his nose is not as much longer than the rest of his body, the phy sicians say that the elongating process did not reach the nose and the stretching of the face otherwise drew it out of shape. But they cannot account for the changed color' of the hair and the luxuriance of its growth. It is painful to -witness the effect of all this upon Mrs. Peyton. She sits in the court room, looking at the claimant; and frequently bursts into tears as some of the witnesses avow their belief that. he is really Willis Peyton. She says if lie is really Peyton he may have the farm, the stock, and everything but herself and children, but she can never recognize him. • Sometimes he will implore her to look again, and see if she can not recognize one feature and acknowledge him as her husband, but she refused, and he is al most in despair. He has not attempted to annoy her any other way than by the suit, since he was expelled from the place, but looks for a determination of the suit in his favor, in which case he declares his intention to only have his living from the property, and never intrude upon his wife or disturb his sons, unless they vol untarily recognize him. Another evidence of his claim is that he will single out men, who look upon him as a stranger, and call them by name as old friends. He will also remind them of circumstanses that leave but little doubt of his identity in their minds. I can not tell you what is to be the re sult of this extraordinary case, as I am recalled back to my home in Canada, by the illness of my family, but will endeav or to get Mr. Nieman to do so if you de sire to make use of this. NE3IO. WEATITER .AND WEATHERWISE.-Tho remarkably mild weather for the winter has become a theme or rather comment e• ven among the school children. The end of the world is near they say, for the time has almost come when one season is not known from another. Older sages also say they believe the winters now are get ting milder than they used to he, and that the seasons are changing. But it will be some consolation to all who are in any wise anxious about it to know that, accord• ing to veritable ancient records, in Febru ary, 1704, flowers were blooming in the woods in this latitude; in February, 1779, the willows leaved, the peach trees blossom ed, and flowers of dandelion were seen; in January, 1781, there was not ice enough on the smallest ponds to bear a dog; in January, 1790, boys were boating on the rivers as if it were summer; January, 1793, the temperature called forth the protesta tion of the oldest inhabitant that he had never seen the like; and in Jannary, 1795, • the skies were cloudless, the atmosphere, warm, and the only thing the chronicler had to complain of was being bothered by the flies. So there is nothing so very new about warm weather in winter after all.—Baltimore Sun. The days arc lengthening ) 1 , zwAti MO 7.# >0 0:$1011 LIGHT. F. W. BOURDILLON. The night has a thousand eyes, And the day but one,• Yet the light of the bright world dies With the dying sun. The mind has a thousand eyes, And the heart but one, Yet the light of a whole life dies When levels done. [COMITTNICATED. Teachers' Institute. A meeting of the Washington town ship Teachers' Institute was held in.Fair -view-Sch-001-House-on-Saturdaythe-1-7th- inst. Members present in afternoon : 7 - Miss MILLER, MIS. ROYER, and Messii. WEST, POTTER, J., GORDON, GELWICES, GORDON and ATRERTON. Mr. West conducted an exercise on, el ementary sounds and p . honetiespellinF, and also a short exorcise 'on alphabetic spelling in connection with defining. Remarks being invited from.others, at tention was ,called to the following words, several of which are often mispronounced by teachers and others ; Psalm, English, Territory, Merit, America, Root. . Psalm, the first word in the fOregoing -I ist,— -with-a-nu m ber-of-si milar-wordsras cabn, palm, grass, &c.—wc -usually-mis pronounce. The correct, pronunciation of the word Psalm, is neither Sam nor Saum, '}Sift - between the two. (See - Wel ster and also Worcester.) The words English and England should always be pronounced as if-writion-ing /IA and Ingland. ' The words Territory, Merit, and some others, require the second sound of ‘!e," as in met. Never say "turritory" fo - Fter , ritory, or "muret" for merit. America. If we "love the name" of our "native country," let us pronounce it correctly. Do not pronounce it Amurioay, nor Americay, nor even A2kurieah, but give the "e" the sound it has in met, while the "a" at the end of the word should have an "obscure sound approach the Italian sound of a in father." The rule for the proper sound of a VA accented at the end of a word, in English, as in America, algebra, comma, Cuba A,., according to Webster, "properly a brief sound of the Italian a; but in fa miliar speech it is almost always so slight ed and obscured as to be indistinguisha• ble from the neutral vowel (u) in mur -mur." Worcester says "A unaccented at the end of a word, approaches the Italian sound of a in Father." ' These rules show. the incorrectness of pronouncing algebra, "olgebray" or com ma, "commay" and so also of other words ending in a unaccented. Rom.—Some educated persons pro nounce this word with the sound of oo in foot ; others pronounce it with the sound of oo as in hoot, or moot. 'Webster says "Root, roof, Ste., have properly the long sound of oo as in moon.' Oliver Wendel Holmes says, —"Learning Knit ber brows, and stamped her foot, To hear a teacher call a root a rooi.". In this couplet, pronounce the first 'root" so as to ryme with hoot, and the second so as to ryme with foot. In regard to methods of having pupils recite when spelling off book, on "compar ing notes," it was found that all the teachers present require the pupil to pro nounce each syllahle.when spelt, and sev eral require their pupils to pronounce the word first, then spell it pronouncing the syllables, and finally pronounce the wort again when done. The majority agreed that this is the best method. I learn that the method taught in the State Normal School at Millersville is similar, being as follows : (Teacher.)—"Abandon." (Pupil.)—"Abandon. A- b-a•n- ban, .aban, d-o•n don, abandon." Some may think this a "lengthy long" way ; but the pupil should certainly pro nounce each syllable as he spells it—at least that much and also the last syllable and then yr °notate° the word. I notice that in a number of our best graded schools, the pupils are required to pro nounce the word twice, once before and once after spelling it. Mr. West dictated several words to the teachers present to illustrate his own me thod of teaching difinitions at times—a good exercise. • With the more advanced pupils in school it is sometimes a good plan to re quire them to combine the definition in a sentence of their own. The following definitions given by pu• pils who were examined for admission in to a high school, show how they utterly misccnceived the meaning of the words. The illustrative sentences were given by the pupils. Adequate- 7 A land animal ; phunt is an adeAuate." Transverse-19 turn over; "Transverse that bucket and see what is in it." Odiuta—Pertaining to song ; "He was an odium writer." Atonement—A small insect; "Queen Mab was pulled by little atonements l" Adjourned 'to meet in same place on Saturday February 7th. As. the school directors meet on the same day, cannot all the teachers of the township schools be present at the Institute ? Come to the Institute—come one, come all. Don't wait to be pulled by "little atonements" such as pulled Queen lqab, 'but cote wil lingly, and don't come to find fault, but come with a willingness to learn or help others learn. * * * By silence we learn the imperfections of others but they do not learn ours. A Pittsburg pea-nut vender has 81.2,- MU in bank. JEW AND HIS DAUGHTER. As I was going through a Western part of Virginia, (says an . American writer,) — s wan v me.a sor accoun of a Jew which greatly delighted me. He was preaching to his people, when he saw a man enter, having every mark of a Jew on his face. He was well dressed, and his looks seemed to tell that he had been I in great sorrow. He took his seat, and listened inn serious and devout manner, while a tear was often seen to wet his cheek. After the service, the clergyman went up to him and said : "Sir, am .1 not speaking to oue of tne sons of Abraham?" "You are," he replied. "But how is it that I meet a Jew in a Christian church?' In reply to_thete questions, he gave the followin,g-account-: "He had been well educated, had came from London, and with his hooks; his riches, and a lovely daughter of seven teen, had found a charming retreat on the fruitful banks of the Ohio. He had buri ed hiti_wife before_he left England, and he knew no pleasure but the company of his dear child. She was, indeed, worthy of a parent's lave. Her mind waAvell fbrm ed, her disposition amible ; she could read and speak with ease, various languages ; and her manners pleased all who saw her. No wonder then, that a doting father, whose head had now become sprinkled pon -this-lovely-ehikL a strict-JewThe brought her up in the strictest principles , of his religion. b• 1 It -- -qt-tor ,o-that-his-41 .ewes-not-tong-up Amp.. was takeh ill. The rose faded from her cheek; her eye lost its ire, her strength decayedtandlit-soon-became-too- certain that death was creeping over her frame. The father hung over her bed with a heart ready to burst with anguish. He of ten tried to talk with her, but could sel dom speak except by his tars. He spar ed no expenSe or trouble to get her inedi cal help, but no human skill could save her life. The father was walking in a wood near his house when he was sent for by his dying daughter ; with a heavy heart he entered the door of her room.— He was to take a last farewell of his child, and his religion gave him but fee ble hope of seeing her hereafter. The child grasped the hand of the parent with a death-cold hand. "My father, do you love me ?" "My child, you know that I love you, that you are more dear to me than all the world besides." "But, father, do you love me ?" "Why, my child, will you give me pain? Have I never given you any proof of my love?" "But, my dearest father, de you love me r The father could not answer. . The child added, "I know, my dear , fa ther, you have ever loved me : you have been the kindest of parents and I tender. ly love you ; will von grant one request ? Oh I father it is the dying request ofyour daughter. will you grant it ?" "My. dearest child ! ask what you will, though it takes every farthing b of my pro erty whatever it may be it shall be grant ed : I will grant IL" "Dear father," replied the girl. "I beg of you never again to speak against Jesus of Nazareth." The father was dumb with surprise. "I knew but little," added the dying girl, "about this Jesus, for I was never taught ; but I know that He is a Saviour for He has made Himself known to me while I have been ill, even for the salva tion of my soul. I believe he will save me, though I never before loved Him. I feel that I am going to be with Him, that I shall ever be with Him. And now, dear father, do not deny me : I beg that you will never again speak against this Jesus of Nazareth. I entreat you to obtain a Testament that tells of Him, and I pray that you may bestow on Him the love that was formerly mine. The labor of speaking here overcame her feebte body. She stopped, and the father's heart was too full even for tears. He left the room in great horror of mind; and ere lie could recover his spirits, the soul of his dear daughter had taken its flight, as I trust to that dear Savior whom she loved and honored. • The first thing the parent did after he ha" buried his child, was to procure a New Testament. This he read; and taught by the Spirit from above, is now number ed among the meek and happy followers of Christ.— Church of England Magazine.' THOUGHT IN DREAMING.-A very remarkble circumstance, and an impor tant point analogy, is to be found in the extreme rapidity with which the men tal operations are performed, or rather with which the material changes on which ideas depend are excited in the hemispheri cal ganglia. It would appear as if a whole series of acts, that would really occupy a long space of time, pass ideally through the mind in an instant. •We have in dreams no true perception of the lapse of time—a strange property of mind—for if sach be also its property when entered into the eternal disembodied state, time will appear to us eternity. The relations of space, as well as time, are annihilated, so that while almost an enternity is com pressed into a moment, infinite space is traversed more swiftly than real thought. There are numerous illustrations of this principle on record. A gentlemen dream ed that be had enlisted as a soldier, desert. ed his regiment, was apprehended, carried back, tried, condemned to be shot, and at last led out for execution. After the usual preparations a gun nvas fired; he awoke with the report, and 'found that a noise in the next room had at the same moment produced the dream and awaken ed him. "The Ele- Do not run in debt to the shoemaker ; it is unpleasant to be .unahle• to say your sole is your own. Look Aloft. BY NANNIE. Young man you are endeavoring to gain a position of honor in the world ? Does all seem dark and uncertain before you ? Do critics frown and cynics talk ? "Look aloft" and be of firm heart ! Re member "the darkest cloud has a silver lining," and you may yet attain—a-prom inent place in the world's opinion. Young woman, are you discouraged with the trials and temtation of this life? Perhaps you are unknown and have only ert for a COM /anion. God i • you poor young heart! I know the dongings, and aspirations, and murmurings thatyou know are wrong, and yet cannot help ; I know Low our soul beats a.! inst its prison bars until it almost seems that death as preferable to the struggle. I know that the beautiful world and blue sky, and shining stars seem blank to you; I know how you west the "midnight oil," pouring. over the "musty volume" till the "springs 'of life" are dried up ; - I know all this and knowing it, I ask, is there no bright spot on the fair earth ? Look aloft! There i s a friend who never faileth I Widow ! oh ! the sorrows in that one word. The world is very dark to you ! Thick tears fill your eyes until they are blinded to God's blessed sunshine, and „you pray to die. But are there no bleed • earts save yourTf — Thin . you no one else weeps? no one else mourns the precious dead ? "Look aloft" to Him who • Aged one! You *hose sands oflife - are nearlyrun ;_your eyes are dim, your step faltering, and the frost of many winters set upon your bowded head. You are a• lone ! One by one your cherished come panions have passed away. Lock aloft to Him who will safely guide your tremb ling footsteps through the valley of th shadow of death. Should the friends whO, in our prosperi ty, wept when he wept and joyed when we were glad—When adversity comes, betray us, let us look aloft to an Italia ing friendship. Should they who are nearest and dear est to our hearts pass beyond to the Sum mer Land, we will look aloft to you bright world where love never dies. And oh ! when Death halts at our door; when he points his finger to us and we must follow him across the dark river, we will look aloft and with faith in our hearts, fearlessly step into the cold waves. The Feet and Health. Of all parts of the body there is not one which tuaght to be as carefully atten ded to es the feet. Every person is aware from experience, that colds and many other diseases which proceed from the same aro attributed to cold feet. The feet are at such a distance from the "wheel at the cistern" of the system, that the circu lation of the blood may be easily checked in them. You see all this, and although every person of common sense should be aware of the truth of what we have stated there is no part of the body so much trif led with as the feet. The young and would-be-genteel-footed cramp their feet into thin soled, bonepinching boots, in or der to display neat feet, in the fashionable sense of the term. Now this is very wrong. In %old weather, boots of good thick leath er, both in soles and uppers large enough to give free circulation to the blood in the feet, should be worn by all. They should be watertight and warm, but not air tight. It injures the feet to wear an air tight cover over them. India rubber shoes or boots should not be worn except in wet and slushy weather, and then ta ken off ns soon as the exposure to it is over. No part of the body should be a:- lowed to have a covering which entirely obstructs the passage of carbonic acid gas from the pores of the skin. The& is one great evil against which every person should be on his guard—we mean the changing of warm 'for cold boots or shoes. It is a dangerous practice. THE GRAVE MAN.—Gravity iz most allwuka the result ov icruorance, that iz the way I look at it. I hay seen thousands ov men who were az grave az a mile stone, and who had just about az mut+ wisdum. When I waz a boy, if a man looked severe and sed nett*, but I thought he must be as wize az a dictionary, hilt I meazznre a man now in a different haff bushel and give him kredit for wisdum just in proporshun as he talks and laffs well. The most learned, and the most wize men I kno, are the most reddy to laff, and kick up their heels, only give them a good chance. Gravity, in mi opinyun, iz a conscious ness ov weakness, not ov strength. Laing iz like wine, it unubzzums a bean and shows hiz strength, az well az his. weakness. Gravity . iz a coat ov mail, but it is only necessary for phools. I kno lots ov pholks who if they shood film their heads back, and laffharty once, would lose all their morals for life. If gravity iz wisdum, wisdum iz cheaper in market than stale herring.—Josh A beautiful Southern lady called upon General Sherman, recently, to obtain some evidence from him concerning a cotton claim she is prosecuting. "How many children have you, madam T' de manded the General. "I have six ; I have nine." "Then," answered the Gen eral, decisively, "you had better stop hun ting up cotton, and go to Grant and tell him I say to pension you. Any woman who has had nine children and looks as young, and hand?ome as you do. (Worm pension. WO PER YEAR. NUMBER 34. 't and 3anntor. Where the sun can't come r the doctor • must. Nimrod was a mighty hunter, but he never saw an aunt elope. "Muggine" says that, in these hard times, a five dollar greenback looks as big as a circus poster. An Ohio miss has made a paper of pins last her eleven years. That girl will do There are four h olutionary widows le for those men who good old days. "What is a more exhilarating sight," asks a Vermont paper, 'than to see eight teen handsome girls. riding down hill on an ox sled?" Nineteen. "What .comes after T?" asked a teacher of a small pupil, who was learning the alphabet. He received the bewildering reply," 4 You seelLize." ' The Mount Pleasant lowa, Journal de vil/ thinks it'an all' e Providence that ordains that religion 'revivals don't set in until after th - e — Sto pipes are al put up. . y : kl—lady—bei g asked if she ever ha 7 her ears pierced - the wail of distress, said she couldn't v well remember, but she believed it w done with a fork. A Rochester editor went hunting the other day for the first time,in twenty-two years, and he was lucky enough to •bring down an old farmer by a shot in the, leg. The distance was sixty-six.yards._ ' Not long since, at Sunday-sohsol, the teacher, after trying bard to impress oil the minds of a class of small .boys the sin of Sabbath-breaking, asked, "Is Sundky, better than any other day ?" when - ibe smallest boy in the class answered; "'rid bet your boots it is !" A breach of promise case has just' been decided at Fort Wayne.. Only o- e letter was put into the case ' but that..*ns von elusive. It was as follows : "Mi hart beets oanly for the, mi darlin bunny." Verdict fio the female ; damages not sta ted. A missionary among the freedmen in Tennessee, after relating to some little colored childrea thestory of Amanias and Sapphire : , asked th em why God does not striko*Crybody dead that tells dlie.now; when ode of the least in the room , answer ed, .`Because there wouldn't be anybody left.' A teacher in one of the Southern States was sitting at the window of her moil, watching two negroes loading goods into a cart. One of them was disposed to shirk. The other stopped and looking sharply at the lazy one, said, 'Sam, do you expect tp go to heaven?" Yes. 'Then take hold and lift!' The. Glasgow (Ky.) Times is responsi ble fur the following: 'An old darkey,wds riding a blind horse the other day with wife behind him; a fellow on the roadside sung out, 'Hallo, old fellow, I see you've got your aunty up., Yes ,' I've done more'n dat—rve straddled Ile blind,' said the old sportsman, with a clever grin. A new use of patent pills has been dis covered. A farmer living in Kansas vil lage was abruptly visited by robbers one night not hmg ago, and having a gun and powder, but no shot, loaded with aboir. of fever pills, sod blazed away. The result was as satisfactory as though the, rascals had swallowed the pills, one of themOs killed outright, and another dangetiu4 wounded. Another dreadful wending to snuf-feilt ers conies from Columbus, Ohio, where may be seen the man whom snuff sent to the Penitentiary. One night,' when rob bing a bank, yielded to depraved appe tite, he took a pinch, and the fatal sneeze betrayed him. That sneeze, too, was his last, for iu the penitentiary he is denied snuff. Prisoner, (to learned magistrate)— "Has any one a right to commit a Hui isance ?"%earned magistrate. "No,eir,met even the mayor—no, eir, riot,even the governor." Prisoner—" Then you • caq't commit me ; for I was arrested as a nui sance, and you have decided that I am one." An inebriate, some little while back, got into a car, and'hecame very troublesome and annoying to the other passengers, so much so that it was proposed to eject him; but a kind-hearted '.tind reverend doctor, who was also a passenger, interposed for him, and soothed him into good behavior for the remainder of the journey. Before leaving, however, he scowled upon the other occupants and muttered some words of contempt, but shook hands warmly with the doctor and said, ;Good day, my friend; I see you know what it is to be drunk.' Mr. James Smith, recently elected con stable over au the North Fork of Dirty - - shirt creek, in this county, brought in two new subscribers to the Weekly Courier Journal the other day. 'And now that I've got you them subscriber=,' said ha, I'll tell you just what I want you to do; I want you to just come right out and any in your paper that you'll everlastingly be d—d if Jim Smith aiu't the best consta ble in the State of Ken tucky.'—Loutsrille Courier-Journal and fifty Rev- Here is a chance for a wife of th,