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__ ___
SY W. GLAIR.
VOLUME -26.
THE WITIVISBORO!' VILLAGE RECORD
PUBLIREED EVERY TfiIIRSDAY MORNING
.By W. BLAIR. '
TERMS—Two Dollars per Annumitpaid
within the year; Two Dollars and
Fifty cents after the expiration
. „ of the ,year.
ADVERTISEMENTS—One-Square (10
• lines) three insertions, $1,50; for
each subsequent insertion' Thir
five Cents per Square. A liberal
discount made to yearly adver
tisers.
LOCALS.—Business Locals Ten Cents per
line for the first insertion, Seven
Cents for subsequent insertions
Vrafrisional (a*.
J. B. AMBERSON. M. D.,
PHYSICIAN AND • SURGE S N
WATITINDOIIO', P.A.
Office at the Waynesboro' "Corner Drug
ore." pane 29—tf.
011., IORN MI., RUTILE,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON,
Offers his professional services to the pub
lic. Office in his residence, on West Main
street, Waynesboro'. april 24—tf
DR- 13- FRA.-1,1-111Z,
OFFICE—In the Walker Building- 7 11es?
the Bowden Honse. Night calls should be
made at his residence on Main Street ad
oining the Western School House.
July 20-tf
_ MO/. EIIEGEON. -
WAYNEsnono , P A .
Office at his residence, nearly opposite
lie Bowden House. Nov 2—tf.
JOSMPII. MOTTG-I.LAS
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
WAYNESBORO'. PA.
Practices in the several Courts of Franklin
and adjacent Counties.
N. B.—Real Estitte leased and sold, and
Fire Insurance effected on reasonable terms.
DeceMber 10, 1871.
OIL L Lt ;TRAGIILEEtt
(FonarEIILV OF MERCEESBUEG, PA.,) •
OFFERS his Professional services to the
citizens of Waynesboro' and vicinity.
STRICIUEIt has relinquished an exten
sive practice at Mercersburg, where he has
been- prominently engageefor a number of
years in the practice of his profession. •
lie has opened an Office in Waynesboro',
at the residence of George Besive, Esq.. '1 is
lather-in-law, where he can be fount' at al
times when not professionally engaged.
July 20, 1871.-tf.
J. H. FORNEY & CO.
Prgduce ammisaan MargAgats
No. 77 NORTH STREET,
• BALTIMORE, MD.
Pay particular attention to the sale of
Flour, Grain, Seeds, &c.
Liberal advances mane on consignments.
may 29-tf
Z. C. - 13LEZA.0.1C- - E3ILIZ.L,
PHOTOGRAPHER,
S. E. Corner of the Diamond,
WAYNESBORO', PA-,
AS at all times a fine assortment of Pie
& itures 'Frames and Mouldings. Cull and
•tovneeimen pictures. June tf.
EA TI err SALOON.
'THE subscriber informs the public that
he has opened a tirst-class Eating&iloon
in the Basement of the Walker building,
which has been thoroughly cleansed and
repainted. Ile will be regularly supplied
with Oysters, Tripe, Eggs, and other arti
cles in season. lie willalso keep a good ar
ticle of Sweet Cider.
:tug • C. HOFFMAN.
FRANKLIN KEAGY,
ARGIMTECT AND SUMUEIIi v
CIIAMBEBSBURG; PENNA.
Designs, Plans, Elevations, Sections and
Details of Private or Public Buildings, Bills
of Quantities; Estimates of Costs; Drawings
of Inventions for Applications of Patents,
4c. Charges moderate. inayls—tf
J. H. WELSH
IV.. V. LIPPINCOTT & CO,
IVIIOLESALE DEALERS IN
Hats, Caps, Furs and Straw Goods,
No. 531 Market Street, Philadelphia, Pa
npril 3-tf
THE BOWDEN HOUSE
MAIN STREET,
WAYNESBORO', PENN'A.
9riE subscriber having leased this well
known H Ael property, announces to
the public that he has refurnished, re-pain
ted and papered it, and is now amply. pre
pared to accommodate the graveling public
and others who may be pleased to favor
him with their patronage. An attentive
hostler will at all times be in attendance.
May 23-tf SAM'L P. STONER.
MOD HOTEL
Garner of Main ct Queen Stn.,
CHAMBERSBURG, Penn'a.
LANTZ & UNGER, Proprietors.
The UNION has been entirely refitet
and re-furnished in every department, and
under the supervision of the present pro
prietors, no effort will be spared to deserve
a liberal share of patronage:
Their tables will be spread with the
best the Market affords, and their Bar
will always contain the choicest Liquors.
The favor of the public solicited.
Extensive Stablingand attentive Hostlers.
Dec. 14-1-y
electpottrg.
TEE NIGH SONG.
Known only, only tnGrod,
And the night, and the s:ars and me;
Prophetic, jubilant song.
Smiting the rock-bound hours
Till thd waters of life flow five,
And a soul on pinion strong,
Flied' afar, and hovers over infinite seas
Of love and of melody; '
While 'the blind fates weave their.nets,
And the world in sleep forgets.
own only, only to me, -
And the night, and the stars and God ,•'
Song, from a burning breast, •
Of a land of perfect delights,
Which the foot of man ne'er trod,
Like a foam expressed
From passionate fruits that glowed
'Mid the boughs of the Eden loSt,
Ere sin was born, and frost r
Song wild with desires and regiets,
While the world in sleep forgets.
Known only, only to God,
Acme, and - tire nightsud-thestars ,
The beacon fire of song,
Flaming for guidance and hope,
While storm winds wage their wars,
Balm for the ancient wi ong,
Droping from healing wings,
On the wounds of the heart and brain,
Quenching_their ancient: pain;
Love-star that rises and sets,
While the world in sleep forgets;
Known only, only to me,
. And God, and the stars, and the night;
Dove that returns to my ark,
Murmuring of grief flood falling,
Of light beyond all light,
Voice that el eaveth the dark,
Singing of earth growing heaven,
Of distant lands that bless,
. Though they may not caress ;
And, blessing, pay love's old debts,
'While the world i s sleep forgets.
allisallureth Ducting.
THE ATTIC LODGER.
The tailor lived on the second floor
and did his best to make his living for
his wife and four children.
Down stairs the small tobacconist lived
in a state of perpetual• anxiety about the
tailor's rent, which he generally gave up
piecemeal and with groans, as people give
up • their teeth, not because he did not
wish to pay all his bills, but because of
shortness of funds, common to many peo
ple.
Up in the attic lived a single lodger
of whom no one knew anything. His
name was Smith, but what did that tell
when it was so common. He was lean,
and had hollow cheeks and anxious eyes.
What his business was, or if he had any
no one knew. Perhaps lie wore stockings.
The poor apothecary of "Romeo and Ju
liet" put him in mind of his attic lodger,
when being presented ' with tickets by a
theatrical lodger, lie went to spend an,
evening with Shakespeare.
"He ain't like it in the face, though,"
thought Mrs. Tobacconist ; "his clothes
appear to fit too good to be Mr. Smith,
that's al L"
It was an acute remark, 111 r. Smith's
clothes did fit him too good, inasmuch as,
they were a few sizes too small for, him.
As for business, he seemed to have none.
At noon he went out for a loaf of bread
and a pitcher of beer. At twelve o'clock
he disappeared till midnight, when he let
himself in with .a latch-key and went to
bed without a candle.
"And for all lie told anybody about
himself." said the tobacconist's wife, "he
might have been a ghost."'
"But he's civil spoken," said the tail
or's wife, to whom he always said, "Ex
cuse me ma'am," when he found . her a
float on the staircase, in a puddle of soap
and water, which always made the boards
blacker than before, and was obliged, to
wade through the flood with bread and
beer. And the tailor's wile, who had liv
ed at service in her youth, even veutured
to hint to her husband that She thought
Mr. Smith a gentleman. owevcr, this
fancy the tailor crush ith a curse. •
"Gentlemen dou' wear any such coat
as that, Sally."
Poor little to lor, he sat cross-legged
on Ins board and stitched, and tro‘uured
men by their coats. If he had measured
or even mended more coats it would have
been better for him and his brood. Times
seemed to grow worse, custom less, the
money harder to get out. When the lit
tle man read in his morning paper of men
who shot themselves or took laudanum
he wondered whether they had folk. chil
dren with happy appetites and a prospect
of having nothing to eat for several days.
No thought of ° himself; besides
had been told-by a clergyman that sui
cide was wicked--but he couldn't help
thinking. And the civil lodger in the at
tic, how did he . fare? One night When
Sally, who had been mending, and iron
ing and patching the family rags all day,
was economically using up the fire by
cooking a loaf of bread in the stove oven,
she heard the lodger coming in. He went
up stairs and paced the floor; he came
out on the entry and creaked the steps.
He seemed as restless as an eager tiger,
and he behaved so for three nights, in
stead of retiring at once, as the tailor's
family knew he generally did by the
creaking and snapping of his bedstead.
, , A:rjugwy lIEWSIiAIaRE—DEVOTED TO LITERATURE, LOCAL AND GENERAL NEWS. ETC.
WAMSBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, SEPTEMB.ER 11, 1873.
".W6*'P!sl: l- 44.4) 1 i,DiL r 21 0.4. 8 anYi :as
she . took her bretittout of the
.oveu ,atid
foridketl tt'strim,' . fluding 'it done:
",What can ail him t-r hcikte he dint sickle
or nothing-=he dear.""`
Thett"Sallylistened again.
"I declare! he's coming ,down,", she
said. "He.must' be sick, agd there he, be
knocking—law !",
.Then she opened .the door.
The lid of the stove was off, and the red ,
light flashed on a hungry, face, . with hol
low cheeks and sunken eyes.
The gaunt' hand 'stretched' itself out,
and a voice said faintly
"Madam, .I know you have a kind
heart. Isle so hungry. It's three, days
since I ate , anything, and I—don't want
to die." "
"Law ! I should think riot,"'said' the
woman.. "Why, law me, I'm , so sorry !
And.l suppose you can't.get ajob Law;.
why,
11 43, take it. I got, nothing else.
You see we are pretty poor Ourselves—
and there, oh. law !" 'She was trembling,
she did not know why. She was think
ing to herself: "It's like a play. It makes
me want to cry."
Then he tool the warm bread she had
given hiin in his hands, tearing' bits
from it and eating it.
"I did'nt thank you," he said. "Thar&
you! Thank you and then he went a
way.
• Sally sat dorm, trembling still.
To, be out of ajob and hungry were no
rare things and 410 tragic things in her
experience ; but this man had stirred her
soul, somehovi frightened her, and she
said, "I hadn't any business to give away
a loaf of bread ; but there now, I c;duldn't
help it."
'Then Sally went to bed and slept and
_dreamed of Ale hollow-cheeked, famished
lodger of the attic.
- There was More bread to make the next
day, and I 'am not sure but that she made
au extra loaf, in expectation •of another
cakl from her neighbor ; but he did not
come, and in the course of time Sally had
enough to think of without leaving her
own room. Matters did not prosper %Vith
the family. Little Lena had the scarlet
fever and lay for a long time at death's
door, and the work with ,which the moth
er helped•to fill the family purse was ne
cessarily neglected, and her customers
grew angry and left her.
Then the . baby died. Poor little baby !
The mother wept. bitterly. The father
also longed to _ weep, although children
were expensiVe luxuries iu that 'poor
household. Finally the last affliction fell
upon rite tailor—a felon upon his right
thumb. ,
There was no end to it, all,,it seemed to
both. Nothing 'but the hospital and the
almhouse 'before' them. , The rent' was
quite unpaid at last, 'and the tobaccodist
was in a fury.. He called to• give . him
warning and a piece of his mind, On the
morrow out he should go, • neck and crop.
The tailor said nothing. The wife, wo
man-like, had her word.
"Where shall we go ?" she asked. "We
haven't a penny in the world."
"It is nothing to me where you go,"
said the landloid, "se I get you out; Of
my rooms. I want them ihr honest peiti.:
ple." .
"We're unfortunate, but we never in
tend to ,be dishonest," cried the poor
wife.
Then'her husband, in an angry tone,
bade her. hold her tongue. •
"It's all the same " he said ; "we will
go to morrow. And bow you go,. Mr.
Landlord.
Then they were left alone, bemoaning
their hard fate. There was absolutely
nothing in the house to eat.
Sally looked at her empty flour barrel,
at her wretched family, and then burst in
to tears.
"It's no use trying any longer," said
she. "It' the Lord would only take us.
That's al!, I ask."
She put the children to bed and sat
down upon a chair drawn by fbrcc of ha
bit to the hearth of au empty stove.
Her husband, between pain and anxi
ety,,was less than a madman.
He paced the floor like a tiger, talking
to himself. The bit of tallow candle
burned low, the bitter wind rattled the
•
casement; the rain beat against it.
"We shall be out in that to-morrow,"
said the man. "We've not a friend in
the world."
"We've got one friend, I hope," said
the wife."
"Who is he?" 'asked the tailor.
"God," said the woman. "Maybe He
will find a way to, help us. We haven't
been very bad, Sam."
"Better to have starved before now,"
said the tailor. "We , haven't any partic
ular right to expect miracles, that I know
of. Hark ! What's that !"
"A knock," said his wife, and, tremb
ling lest her landlord should have,returu
ed, opened the door. Without stood the
gaunt figure of the lodger iu the attic.
"He's come for Some bread," thought
the woman, and amidst her own trouble
she grieved over the thought
. of refusing
his appeal.
He made none,'however. This is what
said :
"Madame, a while ago:I took the lib,-
erty,of asking you for bread. Allow ,rne
to return the loaf with thanks."
So he vanished. A whole freSh loaf
lay in the woman's hand. She'carriecl it
in. ,
"This is more than I expected,". said
she. "You see God is geed.
She lifted the side,of the candle 7 stiek
a little. The 'light flred up.'
"Now, mother," cried a child's, voice
from the bed, "I'm hungry."
Sully broke it in two. It parted with
singular ease. She gave a little cry.
I t had evidently been parted befbre and
joined together, and from the heart a
handful of, crumbs had been scooped and
in paeket.
4 lt's"fmry bread." cried Sally, rerriem; ,
bering some 'old country legend. '
',• 0 1..t00k on it before the light goes out,"
said the •
Sally, obeyed.. She opened the packet
and4Ound"t*ci eiiielopes. In the one was
this note :
BUDAarE :—Your' loaf of bread saved
my life. I know you are in trouble, and
yesterday : my luck turned. To-day lam
worth' $50,000, having won a law suit
that has beenpending foryears. Please
accept the euclosed, and believe me your
ever obliged, ..ATTIC LODGER.
There was a $5OO note in the envelope,
and when she saw it she thought herself
the happiest woman in Christendom.
The gift was the saving of the family.
Sally had cast .her, bread upon the wa
ters to find it again,in very truth., And
when the tailor's hand was well again,
there was a pairbh for bun who dressed
in such a manner that' Sam could no lob.
ger doubt him. 'a gentleman. The attic
lodger wears the finest broadcloth now,
and the tobacconist bows lows as he meets
him on his way out; or sells him choice
Havannas over the counter.. He sleeps
at the door in his carriage, and lodges in
the attic no longer; but he never forgets
the loaf of bread given him by the tailor's
wife when he was starving.
HELPING THE DISTRFSSED.—It is a
habit with me , to' "pile in" everywhere
when it is none my ,business, and that
is the reason I went down to partthe cou
ple who kot to fighting on the "Flats."—
I was thundering flat myself, or I would
have stayed quietly on 'the sidewalk, or
sent.one of the guardians of the night in.
You see, the, lady of the house—it was
*either - a - very - nice - 11 ouse - nor - a - very-n ice
lady—had in some way injured the feel•
ings,of her lord and master, who was on
a little two weeks' drunk.
He proceeded to argue with her, using
a hickory club, about three feet long, as
a persuader. You. could hear her scream
half a mile, and I fan down to see what
was' the matter.
Quite a crowd was collected on the side
walk,, and as I was rushing in, one of the
men .stopped Inc. '
"Going iu there, stranger ?"
"Of course. Hear the woman scream:"
"I bear her ; I've heerd her afore, too.
I wouldn't go in."
p "Twill. Let me pass."
"Make your will, stranger. Got mom:
ey enough to pay funeral expenses? All
right, go in." •
I went in, and am now grieving over it
in sadness of heart. I rushed in on a•huge
ruffian, who Was pounding a woman with
a club, and managed to upset him, for he
was pretty drunk:
I was just beginnhig to congratulate
the woman upon her escape, when she
made a jump for me, fastened , her claws
in my hair, and began to knock my head
against the wall.
"I'll 'teach ye to strike my old•man, ye
big fat - lubber !" she yelled.
That noble "old man" of hers got up,
and the two pitched into me, and I never
got shucked out so completely in my life.
The policemen came in and parted us,
and as-I could give: no -coherent reason
for being in it at all, they concluded that
I was engaged in a drunken row ; and
were going to "pull"• me ; but some of
the audience 'of the sidewalk told the etc).
ry, and I . was released.
.I used to yearn for opportunities to suc
cor distressed females, but I don't care
about it now. By the time I pay my doc
tor's bill, I'll be ready another tea
party.
Clothes on Fire.
So often the fatal results by the.set
ting on lire of clothing are reported that
every person aught to be fortified before
hand with exact knowledge "how to pro
ceed in such an immergency. The in
struptions given by the Scientific Ameri
can cannot be too generally made known.
It says :
• "It is useless - to tell the victim to do
this or do that or call for water. In fact
it is generally best not to say a word, but
to seize a .blanket from the bed, or any
woolen fabric— if none .at hand take any
woolen material—hold the corners as far
apart as you can, stretch them out higher
than your head, and running boldly to
the. person; make a motion of clisping in
the arms, mostly above the shoulder. The
next .instant throw the person upon the
floor.. This is an aAdditional safety to the
face 'and breath, ad any remnant of
flame can be put out more leisurely. The
next instant immerse the burnt part in
cold water, and all pain will cease with
the rapidity of lightning. Next get some
common flour, ,remova,from the water,
and cover the burnt parts an inch in
thickness with flour ; if possible, put the
patient to bed, and do all that is possible
to swill until the physician arrives. Let
the flour remain until it fejt - off itself,
when a beautiful new skin can be found.
Unless the burns are deep no other appli
cationS.:are needed. The dry' flour fur
burns is' the most admirable remedy for
burns ever p . roposed, altd , ,the information
ought to be impartectiiViill. The princi
ple of its action is', that like the waterAt
causes au instant and perfect relief fronV
pain by totally excluding all the air from.
the injured parts."
The 'New York' World in an article on
the es:Vavagance of the times says : "The
difficulties about this and so many other
matters in this free country is that we all
try to beequal now-a-days although we
tge dreadfully unequal in purse. "When
I dine with a man with $lOOO a year,",
said a millionaire, "he gives me just the
same dinner as when I dine with one who
has $lO,OOO a year, though how ho man•
ages it I don't know."'
LONG AGO.
When beneath you aged pine,
Lone I sit at even-time,--,
There by, contemplation, led,- •
There to dream of pleasures fled,—
Come the voices soft and lOW,
• ,Of the - lo •
When the vernal breezes sing
And the song birds tell of spring;
'Hong the summer's gentle flowers
In the aniumn's pensive hours,
Come the vespers sweet and low,
Of the loved of long ago.
When alone from mosses gray,
Fancy takes her airy way,
Backward through the mist i s of time,
Circling round yon try sting pine,
Come the spirits sad and'elow, '
Of the loved of long ago,
Are You Ready to Die.
Traveling in his buggy alone, not long
ago, in going to one of his appointments,
one of our good brethren in the Presby
tery- of Memphis overtook a tramp on the
road with his carpet bag in his hand.—
The roads were muddy, and he was just.
at the time about entering a miry bottom.
With the politeness for which he is noted
he asked the pedestrian (an entire strang
er) if he would not take a seat in the bug
gy until at least they had crossed the mud
and mire. The invitation was readily ac
cepted and the conversation for a while
was free and easy, about things .ordinary
and general. Presently, however, the
good brother, with a view to make the
conversation profitable, asked 11-_
ss , L
er if he was ready to die. Not knowing
the character .of the person who invited
him to a seat with him, and misapprehen
__
ding his meaning and suspecting tbul play
'he waited not to reply, but sprang from
the buggy immediately and ran for life
through slush and water. The clerical
brother, wishing to assure the stranger
that he meant no harm, called to him at
the top of his voice to stop ! But this on
ly hastened his speed, and like scared
hare he run until beyond hearing and
sight. In his hasty flight he left his car
pet sack which our brother now has in his
possession, being the richer for his faith
fulness by the addition of a coarse shirt,
a pair of threadbare trousers, and a little
"backer."—Memphis Presbyterian.
LEPROSY IN CALIFORNIA.—Late ac
counts from California give fearful ac
counts of the ravages of leprosy among
the. Chinese ,residents of San Francisco.
There are over 200 of these pitiable crea
tures known to be in the city, and proably
many more, as the Chinese are sly, and
know better than to expose a fact which
would drive them out 'of the country.
The result is that they isolate their lepers
as much us possible, and pay - their physi
cian to testify that the dead man died
from Some other muse. The argument
that - the disease is not contagious because
it does not spread among the white peo
ple is proved to be fallacious in San.
Francisco as it has been proved in eveef,
other place. Two or three white people
have already died of leprosy in the city
hospitals, among them Judge Asher Bates,
a man who held the highest place in the
esteem of his citizens. Here is a question
connected with Chinese immigration of a
serious nature, which must sooner ax later
be dealt w*h.
A COMMITTEEMAN IN Scnoor--We
have the following good one from an au
thentic source :
A sub-committee of a school board not
a thousand miles from the city of Lynn,
were examining a class in te primary
school. One of the committee, to sharp
.en their wits, propounded the following
question ;
"If I bad a mince pie, and should, gibe
two-twelfths to John, two-twelfts to Har
ry, two-twelfts to Isaac, and would keep
half the pie myself, what would there be
left?"
There was a profound study among the
scholars, but finally one lad held tip his
hand as a signal that he was ready' , to an
swer.
"Well, what would there be left ? Speak
up' loud, so that all can hear," said the
committeeman
"The plate !" shouted the hopeful fel
ow.
The committeeman turced red in the
face ' while the other members roared a
loud. The boy was excused from answer
ing any more questions. -
Horace F. Clark died worth ten mil
lions of dollars—yet the man did not know
what it was to live'in comfort as the hum
blest laborer lives. - He (lid not get, more
than four or five hours sleep in the twen
ty four, ivorking often till four o'clock in
the morning. And uwrk for him was
hard—he fretted, IvorrN, scolded, rush
ed about, and was in a constant fever of
nervous excitement. His residence was
the finest in the city of New York, but
the rudest cabin on the prairies of the
West, had more true comfort within the
walls of logs than he ever knew. in his
palace of marble and fine adornings. How
many people envied the rich man who
*ere immeasurably more happy than
What a lesson !
•
A young lady of Nashville is changing
her views somewhat relative to,thn,quet
tion of matrimony. ,6llg i nyt3 Oaf IVA
she "came,out" in society she determined
she woulh 'not mitrrryyd initri a&kiss he:Was
Ittt• tplieopalittn:. Time passed on and
811e - did:not. get mnrried, and then modi
fied her views, and concluded she would
marry no man who was not a Christian.
That yoUng ]ady is still unmarried, and
says now that all she is.loOking for is a
man who don't drink whisky.
'rhe Rich ar;rd,,gie,Ppor.
Poverty puts a, fearful strain ,on a man's
honesty. ~The poor man who lives an
honest life is entitled to more credit than
the man of wealth: The One foreedlo
fight against, temptation, which come to
him under the guise of want and necessi•
ty ; the other has no motive except greed
or ambition to tempt him from the pad'
of rectitude. Yet when -the--poor_ man .
sins against the laws of the land how few
sympathize with him, or shield him from
the penalty incurred. ..11e, has no friends
And the heaviest punishment that can be
inflicted is considered ' light, enough 'fel;
hint: 'When the prison doors close be
hind trim, hope is shut out forever, for he
knows that the pardoning power will nev
er be asked to interferain his behalf, But.
the
,rich criminal is looked upqn as
ply unfortunate ; he is lionized. Justice
bows in his presence. and seems to ask his
pardon for the unpleasant relation• which
it beaintowitrds him. If he is convicted
it is an exceptional cash, his sentence
made as light as possible; his prison life
is 'lightened by pleasant employment, and
cheerful assurances that his Confinement
will 'be short; mad soon he walks forth,
the recipient of executive clemency. 'his
is wrong. If any distinction is to 'tie
made in the treatment ,of criminals, we
would favor leniency to the poor and se 2,
verity to the rich. The one may have
been • driven to the commission of crime
by cruel want ; the other has uo reasona
ble excuse. Au empty stomach, a starv
ing family, a fbrlorn garret or cellar, are
serious obstacles to perfect integrity. If
we would repress crime among the poor,
we must first seek to better their condi-
tton ; a 'of means of obtaining an
honest living, and few will prefer from
choice to seek a dishonest one. The poor
man should receive go - od wages for-hiSia
bor, and should not be robbed, as too ma,
ny now are, by the wealthy-and avari
cious. We believe the largest per cent. -
of honesty is found among the poor of the
land. •
SOLD.—A Stockton (Cal.) paper tells
the following good joke :
"Where the road between Merced and
Snelling crosses the Merced river that
stream is about two hundred yards in
width,.aud even at this season of the year,
when the water's quite low, it looks like a
dangerous and deep stream to cross. A
short time since, a patent medicine agent.,
traveling on horsaback through that sec
tion, came to the river and hesitated a
bout attempting to ford it as-he saw the
wide expanse of rushing waters. There
is no brigde anywbere along there, so af
ter sbna6 indecision he concluded to swim
his horse across. Spying a boy fishing in
i small punt tied - to the bank, he said :
"Hello, hub!"
"Hello, yourself."
"Can I get iii&to take my clothes a
crass,f/ie river iii4our boat ?"
4 ipeldri-you kin, if you've got any
smite'
I'll give you a quarter to
take over my clothes and this carpet-saek
e the opposite shore."
1"'To this the boy nodded assent, and the
stranger dismbed, turned over the carpet
sack and habiliments to the juvenile, who
paddled out into the stream, and mounted
his horse, prepared to swim the river and
enjoy the luxury of the bath. With a
splash at every moment, the 'horse step
pedinto the stream and walked across—
the water was nowhere more than eigh•
teen inches deep. To say that that med
icine man, perched on the back of his
horse, was a man of iniquity for the space
.of half an hour would hardly do justice
to the occasion. There were enough 'dams'
along the Merced that afternoon to sup
ply a hundred mills."
, CAR SCENE.-"I say, conductor, do
you know who that good-looking lady is
there With the ?"
"Yes, seen her a few times."
"By Jove, she's splendid."
"Yes, I. think she is."
"Where does she live ?"
"In Chicago,l believe."
"I'd like -to occupy that seat With
her."
"Why don't .you ask her ?"
' "I did not know but it, would be out
of order."
"It would not be if she was' willing to
have you occupy it. Ofconrse you claim
to be a gentleman ." ' •
"Oh, certainly. If you are acquainted
with her, give me an intrcduction; that
is, if you have no objections."
"Certainly not."
"How far is she going. do you know ?"
"Rochester, I believe."
"Give me an introduction by any
means."
"Fixing his hair, moustache and whis
kers in becoming style, he tollowed the
conductor, who on reaching the seat where
the lady sat, said, with a peculiar male
in the eye
"My wife, Mr.—,of New York, who
assures me he will die before reaching
Detroit if he does not form your acquain
tance."
The gentleman stammered, stuttered,
grew red in the face, faltered out some
excuse, and returned to his seat ; leaving
the lady in company with her husband to
enjoy the joke. While they were talking,
the man left his seat, came up, and said :
"All right, Mr., Conductor, I owe you
one! If you'll give me -
. your address I
will send you a basket of Champagne, if
you, will not say anything about this ;
and if you want anything to drink before
the champagne coma, we will stop lathe
first station !"
An ignorant old lady was asked by a
minister visiting her if she bad religion.
She. suppzsing he referred to some disease,
replied : have light touches of it occa
sionally."
$2410 PER YTAR
NUMBER 13
Wit autl.3l
Think
between 'thinks if you pleuse,,
but don't drink between drinks:-
..e.TE ". "srother in meeting prayed £)r the
absent "who were prostrated on beds of
,sickness and sofas of wellness."
A Peoria citizen claims to have a stone
that Gen. Washington three• at a wood
pecker on his father's cherry tree. '
At a recent dinner - of shoemakers, the
following toast was given : "May we have
all the women to shoe, and ail the men,
to boot."
— A recent v'situr heal 'n the State
of Main found that it contained forty
scholar's, all of whom were the children
of one man. . .
The married ladies of a Western city,
have formed a `come-home•husband•club?,,
It is about four feet long, and• hasta brush
on the end of it. • •-1
Philosophy and
. Religion—those!sigi.
lint sentinels—warn the huMan race
that there exists something beYond that
which is seen. .
,
`afEii Irishman, who lied just binled,
said : wile first piece of =mate I'ever ate
in this country was a wasted potato,
boiled yesterda`y. And it you' a 6 nol
believe it, I cat show-it to ye, for I have
-it-in-me-pocket"
A colored preacher in translatirg to
his hearem the sentence. "The`harveSt is
over, the season 'is ended, and th v 'soul is
not,savecl," put it: —"De corn lias been
cribbed, dere ain't any more work, and
de debbil is still fool& wid dis commu
nity."
A. Young man in Peoria sought to win
his sweetheart' by' strategy ; sq he took
her out flea boat ride and threatened to
jump overboard • into , the lake if she
wouldn't marry him. It, did not work.
She offered to bet him a dollar that 'he
da.ren't dive in.
Some boys dropped an anvil weighing
200 pounds out of a fourth-story window
on the lieud of a negro who was passing,.
and he•had them 'arrested.. Bite tsai4, he
was willing to let the boys have fun, 1310
when they jammed a gemtien's hitt: down
over hls eyes, and spoiled it in that way,
the law must take its course, - • .
Once a careless intib went to the cellar
and stuck the candle in what he supposed
was a keg of blacltsand. Ho sat near it
drinking wine until the Caudle burned
low ; nearer and nearer, until the blaze
reached 'the black sand, and as it was
nothing else than black sand nothing hap.
med.
'An afflicted mother says: 'A' few dayi -
ago my little boy, five years' old,lwas
confined to the house in consequence-of
bad weather. As is usual in: such! cas,
he was extremelytroublesome and fidgety,
and in consequence, received * a .number of
scolding ,in the ,course of the• morning.
At laSt,he looked up at me, with a face
full of indignation, andexclahned, 'Moth
er, 'if all the bears in world were one bear,
and that bear had a sore head, it wouldn't
be-any crosser than: you are.'
Ah experienced ihilinua husband sent
a $25 and a slo' bonnd home to his Wife,
from which she was to make a selection,
but before• doing. it he.phapped tags, put-,
ting the $25 mark on the $lO bonuett,
and vice versa. critical exaniini
tion by herself 'arid 'lady - friend, and
the choice fell upon-thatlabelecl $25, , and
she decided to keep it, notwithstanding
her husbands plaintive protest that he
could not nflbrd to pay. out more than
$lO for. such au article...
When you go to church and the minis.
ter preaches a little longer than pleases
you, pull out your watch, let everybody
see if you choose, never mind it' thetick
calls the attention of al around you. If
the speaker does not soon quit, take it out
again, and to save time you might just
wind it while you 'have nothing to do
and if all the audience - who have watches
would go through this, performance, at
the same time it would add variety to the
exercises. If the preacher is a careful
man, he will just ask you what time it is,
and then, of course, all should speak at
once.
SERVANTS AND MISTR E 4.9 ---''.NLtrix,"
sail a lady to her eolot
"that is the third silk dross you have worn
siuve you came to me; pray how many
do von own ?"
! , `Only seven, miss ; but I's saving my
wages to buy another."
"Seven ? What use are seven silk dres
ses to•you ? Why I don't own so many
as that
"'Specs'not, Miss." said the smiling
darkey ; "you doesn't need 'em so much
as I does. You quality whit folks ever,'-
body knows is quality ; hut we bettormo-tt
kind oh colored pussons has to dress swan,
to 'stinguish ourselves from common nig-
So, eriticsi•Who-, denounce the present
extravagant style of dress. he lenient, and
when the paraphernalia orjmops and
flounces, silks, velvets and laiw, is very
astounding, think—Well, poor
they must - do something to dist:::gtish
themselves b from common folks.