. . ~..,.,, . . . . . • --. . • dt - - _.. -- -•••• . . . . ~ . . . , . k . . . ... . ~ . . . . . . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . . ~., ... .. . . .. . .. . ~ ....iii • • . ....);,;... . • u, . . . Si t . . ~':.. " . .... . .. . . . • . .. -•• ..., • • t. , .• . ~ . • . • 1 . . . t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , . . . BY W. BLAIR VOLUME 52. ,*elect portu. i,--- : * rte:.'' '-- 4....4,AVAgv .1,4 • ~ / .. 7 •x .1 a ONLY A LITTLE CLOUD. courage—'tis a little cloud That soon will pass away ; The hearts that now with grief bow May only grieve to-day. To-morrow, up the azure height, The sun may dart his beam,. And then one joyous burst of light O'er mount and 'ale shall stream When thwarted pins and baffled hopes Become our only store, And the crushed p.pirit barely copes With ills unknown before—• Despond not; yet the tide will turn— The gales propitious play ; eouratte—'tis a little cloud Til ,C-f)on Wit! p::-s away. V.'1;•• e(li!r-O the ray of joy, A ad fe. r' their sh-el case tCi,e 111( 1 way to bliss, A.-i •"•,e- ..?me .T. , Wtling fast— Faint not : s mightier power than thine the- e foes to slay-, Light shall at last around thee hlline— The_eloud_shaltpass_away TEE. DUEL. BY SEON GRAUGHER. A strange lociking person sat in it TC nowned cone Louse or cafe, reading the papers, but at the same time stnokinz small claw pipe—and drinking his .eoffee--, with an air of satisfaction. He wore a comply.° suit of black, which was cut in the latest style; a fine white necktie, or scarf, hying the only thing white to be seen in Ids dross: In stalked Major L., accompanied by Revert] military friends. The Major was far different in disposition and character from any of his companions. He possess ed an ungovernable passion to ridicule everything and to persecute everything withhis'sarcasm ; therefore be was much feared .by his companions. The Major seemed to be in a rather 'lively humor, and it appeared as tho' he was literally seeking for some one on whom to practice his acquired habit of ridicule. 'The party in black, whore he took for a i-ehool•teacher, on account of his peculiar elre-s, had •hardly been espied by the Ma jor, than he slid quietly behind his chair, es though was accidental, and turned the light out. His comrades laughed. The stranger cooly relit the gas as the ugh noth had happened, and (qintinued reading. Now, thought the Major. know my man ; he will stand something,: He there fore approached him, and said sarcasticly, "good evening my dear famniou.s," at the same time grasping his hand, and with it the pipe,he held which was thereby broken into pieces. `Waiter, another pipe,' called out the man in black, seemingly very quiet and cool. The comrades of the Major laughed still louder. The Major called him a splendid fel low. As he could not nose the Ire of this party, as was generally the case with those whom he selected as his vietim, and also helm , : invited to take a hand in a game of •whi.t, be went into one of the play-rooms, followed by his entire suite, and let the man in black sit quietly. 'The party in black continued reading his paper, and drank his coffee, and seem ed to have•quite ibrgot , on the recent in sults of the Major and his party. But as ' , non ns he 'had finished reading, he got up and• went into the room in which the Ma jor was playing, and stepping up betbre him, and catching him by the lappel of his coat, said : 'Sir! tO-morrow morning we fight and with pistolc' 'So, so,' hrterrupted the Major; 'will the' school teacher bring his ratan with him?' `You are mistaken sir, I am captain in - the Brittish na•vv. To-morrow morning we meet. at the Rut's The captain left without another word. The entire company of yesterday ap peared at the appointed place with the Major the followitor morning. The cap tain, in ma , znifi-ent tiniform, awaited them and in we I very politely. The captain not having any semnd,one 4:4' the Major's suite volunteered to act as such. `Thank you,' replied the enptain, I need no second. ° I have my jockey with m e , mid should I fall. he knows what is to he -done. Yon are all men of honor, and will allow no mean advantage to be taken of me.' The pistols were now loaded, fifteen pa ces counted off, and the opponents took th( it places. `You are ths insulted party,' said the Major's second to the captain. 'and there fore have the first shot.' The captain raised his pistol and aim ed. There was an unearthly stillness among . the small circle, .and the Major turned pale. The captain lowered his pis.tol, and said, "as the Major will not have the second shot lie shall shoot first.' 'You seem to be certain of your art,' said the Major's second, 'and it is there fore noble on your part to allow the lia r, war us 3t mato , weti :an your 112111.1116 ation of the first shot. But, nevertheless, I, as well as all here assembled, cannot allow it. You are a lone and without seconds. You have come under our regulation. Therefore, sir, shoot." do not wish to seem sure of my art, but be sure of it. I never joke. :With my pistols hit to a certainty, of which you shall soon be convinced. John,' and he called his jockey, "throw something up in the air." The jockey pulled out his handkerchief. • "N 0 .," said the captain, "something snialler, a piece of money, a btAton, or something of the kind." The jockey. pulled a plum out of his pocket. "Good, John," cried the captain, "now throw it high up in the air." The jockey threw . the plum up ; the captain aimed, there was a flash and a report, and the plum came spurting down bursted in.many pieces. An involutaty bravo escaped the lips of the lookers on. The Major turned pale as death • The captain did not speak another word about the plum shot, hut. quietly reloaded his pistol. in presence of the second and %%eta bui k to t:4kt• his place. He had also regained some of his cool n'ss. "Shoot, Major," cried the captain. The second wanted to interfere, but the captain put hiru, back, and shouted,a lit tle rough, "shoot, Major." The Ma;or shot and missed. i .. Shoot .1, , i i 4 . Major ;you-aimed—Mis erably. Should I fall - it will' be luck, not alone for you., but for all of these gen tli;iii,-because I intend to make you, one and all. look into the muzzle of my pistol." These , words seemed like shrieks to the lookers on. Every one excused himself for having laughed yesterday. The sec ond said nothing against the second shot, because the major now shot for them all; then, if this monster did not bite the dust he would shoot them all down like dogs. The Major raised his pistol and aimed, but everything seemed swimming before his eyes. His nerves were unsteady. The captain looked him straight in the face. At last he said, "Yesterday I was your teacher in joke; to-day I will have to be your teacher in earnest. - You hold your weapon too high. You will never hit me." The Major shot and missed, rind hot perspiration could he seen on the now anxious countenance. • Then the captain raised his pistol and aimed and—lowered it again. "Major," spoke the captain, "you are a miserable creature. I inquired about you yesterday and every one speak , - ill of you. In two minutes you will have ceased to live.— IN ow I will be your teacher, and command you to pray to the great and retaliating God, and ask his fiirgivencss fbr your sins. Pray that all the people whom you have wronged may tbrgive you, and God will have mere 3 on your soul. Hats off gen tlemen. When we speak with the Great Mager of th world, it must be done with uncovered head." All took off their hats and the jockey his cap. With his eyes uplifted towards heaven the captaiti prayed fervently in behalf of the Major. The stern man's prayer had touched all. • The Major's heart heat audibly. He was now upon the bridg,e which separates life from death. "Amen !" came from all lips. Oh the plum had touched all hearts. ,All put their hats on again. The hour of death had come. The Major had not a single drop of blood in his countenance. He trembled so violently, that he was hardly able to stand erect. In order to end his misery the captain aimed quickly and lowered his pistol, handed it to the jockey, and said : "The man is not worth a charge of powder," .and left_ The next evening he appeared again -dressed in black, in the cafe, but no one disturbed him. The 'Major, of course, saw himself com pellei to resign his position in the army. A Drover's Story. My•name is Anthony Hunt. lam a drover,, and I live miles away, upon the Western prairie. There wasn't a house. within -sight when we moved there, my wifi and I ; and now we have not many neighbors, though those we have are good ones. One day, about ten years ago, I went away from home to sell some fifty head of cattle fine creatures as I ever saw. I was to bay some groceries and dry-goods befor'e I came back, and, above all, a doll fin. our youngest, Dolly ; she never had a shop doll of her own, only the rag-babies her mother had made her. Dolly could talk of nothing else, and went down to toe very gate to call after me to "buy d big one." 'Nobody but a parent can un derstand how my mind was on that toy, and how, when the cattle vere sold, the first thing T hurried off to buy was Dolly's doll. I found a large one, with eyes that would open and shut when ••ou pulled a wire, and had it wrapped up in paper, and tucked it under my arm, while I had the parcels of calico and delaine and tea and sugar put up. It might have been more prudent to stay until morning, • but I felt anxious to get back, and eager to hear Dolly's prattle about the doll she was so anxiously expecting. I mounted on a steady-going old horse of mine, and pretty well loaded. Night set in before I was a mile from town, and settled down dark as pitch while I Was in the middle of the wildest bit of road I know of. I could have felt my way through, I remembered it so well; and it was almost that when the storm that had been brewing broke, and pelted the rain in torrents, five miles, or may be six, from home, too. I rode on as fast as I could ; but suddenly I heard a little ery, like a A FAMILY NEWSPAPER--DEVOTED LITERATURE, LOCAL AND GENERAL NEWS. ETC. WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, JANUARY 30, 1873. child's voice. I stopped short, and lis tened. I heard it again. I called, and it answered me. I couldn't see a thing All was dark as pitch. I got down, and felt about in the grass; called again, and again I was answered. Then I began to wonder. I'm not timid; but I was known to be a drover, and to have money about me.- I thought it might be a trap to catch me unawares, and there to rob and mur-. der me. . lam not superstitious—not very—but how could a real child be out on the prai rie in such a night, at such an hour? It night be more than human. The bit of a coward that hides itself in most men showed itself to me then, and I was half inclined to run away ; but once more I heard that piteous cry, and said I, "If any man's child is hereabouts Anthony Hunt is not the man to let it lie alone to die." I searched again. At last I bethought me of a hollow under the hill, and groped that way. Sure enough, I found a little dripping thing that moaned and sobbed as I took it in my arms. I called my horse, and the beast came to me, and .1 mounted, and tucked the little soaked thing under my coat as well as I could, promising to take it home to mammy. It seemed tired to death, and pretty soon cried itself to sleep against my bosom. It had slept there over an hour when I saw my own windows. There were lights in them, and I supposed my wife had lit them_lbr-ro -sake-:-but-when I got into le yar, gate saw something was the matter, and stood still with dead fear of heart five minutes before I could lift the latch. At last I did it, and saw the room full of neighbors, and my wife amid them, weeping. When she saw me she hid her face. "Oh, don't tell him," she said. "It will kill him." "What is it. neighbors?" And one said, "Nothing now, I hope. what is that you have in your arms ?" "A poor lost child," said I. "I found it on the road. Take it, will you ? I've turned faint." And I lifted the sleeping thing and saw the face of my own child, my little Dolly. It was my darling, and no other, that I WO picked up upon the drenched road. My little child had wandered out to meet "daddy" and doll while her mother as at work, and whoM they were la menting as one dead. I thanked God on my knees before them all. It is not much neighbors; but I think of it often in the nights. and , yonder how I could bear to live now if I had not stopped when I heard the cry for help upon the road— the baby cry, hardly louder than a sqir rel's ehirp. Ab, friends, the blessings of our work often come nearer to our own homes than we ever dare to hope ! Danger ! Danger ! Danger ! ! Four young men of Yonkers went out into the field the other day,, gunning.— Presently they came to a broad inclosure, on which was a sign with the above start ling words upon it. In addition the sign gave notice that within the enclosure were several cans of nitro-glycerine, per'haps the most terribly destructive explosive a gent now known. And the purport of the whole was to turn ”eople out of the way. See how the young men mind the warn ing. Two of them, more cautious than their companions, hid behind some trees at a little distance, to look on. The oth er two went near, and—will the reader believe it—threw a stone or two at the cans. The explosion N;7lnich followed blew them to attoms, and badly, if not fhtitlly hurt the others. And now they know how it is themselves. This is a sort of thing young men are doing very often. ney go into business and come face to ihee with temptations to speculations, fraud. The signal is Dan ger! danger ! danger !! But this only serves to whet their curiosity, and they try their hand with the same result. that Las overwhelmed so many others. They go into society. The wine-611p is handed them. Danger ! Danger ! Danger !! written all over it. "It biteth like a ser pent and stingeth like an adder." Nev ertheless they think it wont hurt them, and take it, with the almost invariable result—ruin. We are coming every day to the plac es where these morally destructive agents have been left in our way. We may won der at the Providence which leaves them, but we cannot be blind to the Warnings which accompany them. We meddle with them at our peril. When will young men and old learn wisdom, admit that caution is better than temerity, and be willing to be guided by the examples and experience which the past affords.? There are things more deadly than ni tro-glycerine. Professor Waterhouse, in a recent pa per on the resources of Missouri, gives the following description of the iron moun tains, for which the State is famous : Shep herd Mountain is 600 feet high. The ore contains a large percentage of iron. The height of Pilot Knob above the Mississip pi river is 1,114 feet. Its base, 581 feet from the summit, is 200 acres. The up per section of 141 feet is judged to con tain 14,000,000 tons of ore. The eleva tion of Iron Mountain is 228 - feet, and the erea of its base 400 acres. The solid con tents of the cone are 230,000,000 tons.— It is thought that every foot beneath the surface will yield 3.000,000 tons. At the depth of 150 feet, the artesian auger was still penetrating solid ore. These moun tains contain enough ore above the sur face to affiwd, for 200 yearr, an annual suppiy of I.ooo,iiin) tons. Tile iron is strong', tough and fibrous. BY EDWARD ABOTT [Published by Request. Over the river; the river of tithe, Lies the bright land of a verdure sublime; "Valleys of beauty in splendor do. shine, Beautiful, beautiful home I Over the beautiful river; The beautiful, beautiful river, Over the beautiful river, - The beautiful fields are all green. Over the river's the pilgrim's retreat, Gorgeous in splendor, in beauty complete Angels are singing in hatmony sweet; • Beautiful, beautiful home Over the river, time never grows old ; There ore enjoyments and pleasures uir told ; There is a city with streets of pure gold; Beautiful, beautiful homi Over the river out ,sorrow will cease, Hushed by the songs of a heavenly peace; 'When we get there what a happy release! Beautiful, beautiful home! Over the river the mansions are fair; Oh hoW inviting! loved ones are there; Soon in those mansions their glory we'l share • Beautiful, beautiful home ! —Over-i-he-river-there-are-no-dark=skies There every tear shall be wiped from our eyes, There the sweet pleasure of home never dies! Beautiful, beautiful home I Honest Ben Wade. Wade on one occasion, replied to Toombs, of Georgia, in the Senate, anti to all appearance used language which would compel Toombs to challenge him. Sev eral friends went to Wade and begged him to desist, but the old fellow became more and more violent, until Toombs in dicated his intention of calling him out, when Wade quietly sat down, seemingly having accomplished what he sought.— The Southern men looked at each other in astonishment, and it was manifest to all that Wade had deliberately provoked a quarrel with Toombs. That night a friend of the Southern Senator called on Mr. Wade to ,know if he would retract the offensive words he had used. "No; I won't take hack a d—e word," was Wade's emphatic reply.— "Then," said the friend of Mr. Toombs, "it will be necessary for Senator Toombs to challenge you to mortal combat"— "That is just what I want, and we might have got to this point without all this palsiver," said Wade. "You surely can't be in earnest, Mr. Wa,de," said the Southerner. "Why, of course I am, man. 'You see, sir, we Northern men don't fight often, or like to fight. Now, lam opposed to the code, and so are my constituents, but you fellows have broken Sumner's head, and .we must spunk 'up a little or you will break all our heads. The shortest way .to end the matter is to kill off a few of you, and I have picked out old Toombs as my man.. He will have to challenge; then, of course, I have the choice of weap ons,. and I'll take my old rifle, and d—n one if I don't bring him down the first crack." When Mr. Toombs heard what Wade said, he was mightily disturbed, and re plied : "Well, I suppose I will have to let all go—l Can't challenge him ; If I do, the old rascal will kill me, sure e nough." It appears Wade and Toombs had been out together shootinevith a ri fle several times, and while Toombs could shoot very well with a pistol, he was a poor rifle shot. On the other hand, Wade was an old hunter, and an adept .with a rifle. In those days he could hit a dollar at a hundred yards three out of five shots, and Toombs had seen him do it. The Georgia fire-eater had no idea of becoming the target of such a man. Long after the affair was over, I said one day to Mr. Wade, "If Toombs bad actually challenged you, would you really have accepted and gone out to fight." Mr. Wade replied solemnly: "If old. Toombs had challenged me that time, as I expected he would, I would have ac cepted and fought him. I had it all ar ranged in my mind.; I would have put a patch on my coat over my heart of the size of a dollar and made Toombs do the same. I was used to that kind of shoot ing, and if the old fellow had stood still, d- -n me 'if I wouldn't have cut his patch the first fire. I was not much afraid of getting hurt; for old Toombs knew the as a good rifle shot, while I knew him as a very bad one, and I felt quite sure that patch business would demoralize him." Not only eid Mr. Toombs refuse to challenge Mr. Wade, but no Southern member could be induced to send him challenge, no matter what he might say. Mr. Fitch told me that during the time the trouble was pending with Senator Toombs, Mr. Wade went every evening in a buggy to Bladensburg to practice with his rifle ; so there could hello doubt of the Ohion's intention to tight should the fire-eaters give him a chance. As late as 1868 I hunted squirrels with Mr. W. at Jefferson. Ohio, and he was still a re markebly good shot. If you should see a man digging a snow drift with the expectation of finding val uabla ore, or planting seeds on the 'roll ing billow, you would say at once that he was beside himself ; but in whit respect does this man differ from you while you sow the seeds of dissipation in your youth and expect the fruits of age will be a good constitution, elevated affections and holy principles ? Ecstasy. But this is not argument ; it is ecstasy. What is eestasy2 An uplifting to some position above. our usual stand. . We al ways see more as we get up higher on a tower or hill. On yonder cape, whose name of Ann. some love of woman gave, I have been amazed at revelations of beau ty, from rising forty or fifty feet in the air ; forests in the dim horizon, .enterva les stretching-along the banks of streams, and the far-off Atlantic swell and roll girdling with foam..the aisles. it is an ecstasy to be on Mount Washington or Mount Blanc; it extends the view. Some years ago, I sailed. with some friends to pick up that little pin, on the floor of the .deep—the is land of Faval. As we surmised from ob servations of the sun that we were nearing the latitude where it is laid down, there was debate whether a vague cloudy line we saw in the distance was land or mist. But a great surge tossing the vessel brought out plainly the hump of vineyards wash ed with breakers and laced with streams, to our exclamation of unanimous joy. S.) from the surge of feeling we may descry the heavenly shore, hid from the level sur vey of common place life. It is no hal cyon, but a stormy sea that lifts us to the vision. •Not on the bright glassy surface of our prosperity, but on the sullen, heav ing tide of sorrow, shall we behold the port we would make. Gray weather sof tens the landscape, and aisistethe sight.-- It was said of England, she imagines she -seeslu- rther=oriaireate - EaTifOity , than with all clear. So through the gloom we scern glory. The storm throws up the sea-weed - to enrich the land; --Foul weather is needed to make the fair fruit ful. 'The bolt that shatters your roof di• rectos your eye upward. The Almighty blesses us with menace as with promise.- When our children, the heirs we hoped to leaveour lodging to, are carried dead from its door, we seek a city that hath founda tions; for we, too, on our own thresholds must turn our back, and, able to walk no more, be led and lowered through the same lew gate-way.—Radical Problems. KISSING—HUMAN NATURE.—When. a wild 'spark attempts to kiss a Nantucket girl she sayti: "Come, sheer off, or I'll split your mainsail with a typhoon." The Boston girls hold still till they're kissed, when they flare up all at once, and say : "I think you ought to be asham ed?, When a young chap steals a kiss from an Alabama girl she says: "I reckon its, my turn. now," and gives hini a box on the ear that he don't forget for a mouth. When a. clever fellow steals a kiss from a Louisiana girl, she smiles, blushes deep ly, and says—nothing. • In Pennsylvania, when a female is sa luted with a buss, she puts on a bonnet and shawl and answereth. "I am totally astonished at thy assurance, Jebediah, and for this indignity will sew thee up." The Western ladies, however. are so fond of kissing that, when saluted en one cheek, they instantly present the other.- - The Bag Harbor girl tussels and scratch- In till out of breath, when she submits to her fate with the most exemplary forti tude and resignation, without a murmer. When a young man steals a kiss from a Lowell girl, she blushes like a full grown rose, and says smartly, "You dar seal do that twice more." Two LADIES LEARN A LESSON.—A short time since, a lady in San Franeico opiined a letter addressed' to her husband, and found in it a circular from a firm that offered to send a large amount of counterfeit money - for a small sum in greenbacks. The Counterfeit money was described as being so admirably got up as to defy detection, and the circular was eloquent as to the fortune which the firm thus placed within the ,grasp of any en terprising citizen. The wife showed the circular to her mother, and the two were struck with the idea. They sent fifty dollars to the firm, and awaited the tu rival of the counterfeit money—one thousand dollars—with feel ings of irrepressible impatience. After a time a gentleman called, who bore the name of the senior member of the firm, to hand them the counterfeit money in per son. The ladies received him privately in the parlor, and when they extended their bands to receive five hundred dol lars apiece, the gentleman, to their •hor ror, slipped handcuffs on their wrists, and and announced himself to be a -United States detective. Then followed screams, fainting and a. harrowing scene. The husband was sent for. He came. The wife told,her Story, and the fetters were removed from her own and her mother's wrists, and the detective left, but the les son which the occurrence taught the two women still remains. CIDER AND PICKLES FOR FEVER.- Some two months ago, a resident of De troit named Broef, was taken ill with some sort of a fever, and for two weeks' there was little hope of saving his life.— He continued to sink, in spite of all the physicians could do, and they finally gave it up. All through his sickness the man had continually asked for pickles and ci der; and when he had got so low that his death was considered only a question of a few hours, Mrs. Broef decided to gratify his wishes. A glais of cider was given him, and he declared himself much bet ter for it. More was given through the night, in place of medicine, and the next morning the doctor declared that a most favorable change had . taken place. Some strong pickles were procured and given him, and'he began to call for gruel broth. To be brief, he is now able. to move a round the house. and' everybody in the neichborlioed, as well as the physician. gives the cider and pickles the .credit of performing the cure. A Strange Story. An exchange gives a long account •of one Henrietta Robinson, who about twen ty years ago was accused of poisoning a man and woman in Troy, New York, and was convicted and sentenced to death, but the sentence was commuted to impris onment all her lifetitut She Was styled at the time the "Veiled Murderess," as she kept herself closely veiled in court and in prison, and would neither show her face nor give any account of herself or her family. She has now been eigh teen years in Sing Sing, and generally en joys good health and spirits, and preserves her good looks.. She was a very ;hand some woman when she went to prison, and was supposed to belong to some high fam ily either in England or Ireland. She has never yet breathed a word in regard to her family which has reached the pub lie. She is called "Mrs. Robinson" by • the other convicts, who one and all feel for her the highest respect. Having been uniformly exemplary in conduct, she has been granted ma trifling privilege not allowed ordinary risoners. Her cell is a curiosity in its way. It is represented to , be a miniature conservatory, embracing some rare floral productions. .It is also embelished with many other evidences of refined taste and culture. She is more communicative to the chaplain of the pris on than any one else, and toward - him she occassionally throws off a portion of her habitual reserve. • It is supposed she has • de-some-itn .ortanticommunicatientii; him under the seal of secrecy, and he states that before many months shall have passed there possibly may be more dis closures given to the public in regard to her case, which will present her in a dif ferent light than that in which she has hitherto stood. This . chaplain, who at tended her trial, has always expressed a belief in her entire innocense of the fear ful crime for which she was convicted. • In a little village ..near Bangor, Me., there lived. )many years gone by, a lay member who kept week days a. country -store, and on Sundays he would preach or exhort around among the neighborin g towns where he found a vacant pulpit. He was a man of limber tongue, :..ad could sell Yankee notions and,preach the Gospel very handy. • It was his way to load up a wagon and peddle all through the country, leaving the store in the charge of his wife in his absence. Finding himself. late in the week, up en a certain time, too far from home to get hark, and having sold outlis load, which at that time c' nsisted of dried ap ples. which, by the way, were s little wor my, he gave notice that he would preach the next day, being Sunday, to the peo ple. Many gathered to hear him. His text was: "And by their fruits ye shall know them." He handled this subject in his usual gallant manner, and, closing up his sermon with a glittering paragraph, he repeated the text: "Yes, my friends, and by their fruits ye shall all know them." Just at this point up jumped a retail grocer in the place, that had dealt with the exhorter the night 'before, and said, loud enough to he heardif the chcreh had been as large again : -"Yes; friend, and by the worms in their dried apples, too !" Pit POLL.—Mr. 'Butler, a gentle man much given to prayer-meetings,owns a parrot, a very noisy one, by the way, and one which in swearing we devoutly believe would stand a fair chance in a competition with the "Army in Flanders." We don't like to say anything ugly about that parrot, but we trust and believe.that it would be a blessing to the neighborhood if—if it would hang itself. Here is an in stance of its rascality: On the occasion of one of Mr: Butler's tri-weekly prayer-meetings, a large con gregation assembled, and the parrot was present. During an unusually lengthy prayer which was uttered by a pious . in dividual, who seemed to be praying by the furlong, the head of the 'house became drowsy and resigned hlinself to the• rosy gad of slumber. • Immediately there proceeded prom the nasal organ snores which were loud, and very interesting. The parrot eyed him a while in silence and then complacently observed : "May I he d— if old Butler-ain't a sleep!" .• A Kansas youth played a trick on two young .girls the other day who were re turning from school, and just about to 'enter society, which, for real meanness, can't be•beat. Occupying a seat on train just back of them; he entered into a flirtation which was in no way discour aged. The train entered into a dark tun nel, and when it got midway, he kissed the• back of his own hand audibly gave it is regular buss. Each gir], ,of course, charged the other with guilt, and the pas sengers thought possibly the youth bad kissed both. When they got home, each told the joke on the other, and for the first time two girls have the credit of hav ing been kissed without having enjoyed 'that pleasure. GOOD Anvrer..—Don't be discouraged if occasionally you slip down by the way, and others tread on you a little. It, oth er words, don't let a failure or two dis hearten von ; accidents will happen. and misertleolntions will sometimes be made; thins will turn out differently to our ex pectations, and we may he sufferers. It is worth while to remember that fortune is like the skies in the month of. April, sometimes cloudy and sometimes clear and favorable.' Don't brAllirrA thr mr.m Tv hn tallrq ttif. most, for mowing cats are very seldom mousers. $2,00 PER. YEAR NUMBER 34 inud Xnmor. The last excuse for crinoline is, that the "weaker vessels" need much hooping. Why should young ladies set good ex amples ?—Because young men are so apt to follow them. Do not go to law ing to lose ; lawyers fools' heads. A Georgia woman is credited with rais ing.a large family, although'not out of her teens. It was her mother-in-Ipw's family, and .she did it with a keg of gun powder planted in the cellar. A worthy farmer in Georgia, who was carried home on a litter the other day, solemnly asserts that nothing but a twen ty ton anchor 'can hold a sorrel mule down to the earth after she has stepped in a yellowjacket's nest. A man recently broke off a marriage because the lady .did not possess good conversational powers. A friend told him he should 'have married her, then re fused her a new bonnet, to have develop her power of talk. — Little Willie P., of Greenfield, was re cently presented a toy trumpet, to which he became greatly attached. One night, . tle bed" and was ready to say his pray ers, he handed the trumpet to his grand mother, saying, "Here, grandma, you blow while I pray?' "Do- you go to school now, Charlie ?" "Yes, sir ; I bad a fight to-day, too." "You tad ? 'Which whipped ?" "Oh, I got whipped," he replied with great frankness. _ "Was the , other boy bigger than you?" "No, he was littler." "Well, how came you to leave a littler bo y whip you ?" "Oh ! you see be was madder nor was." . FIVE STEPS TO THE GALLOWS.-A man had committed murder, was tried, found guilty and condemned to be hanged. A few days: before his execution, he drew upon the wall of his prison cell a gallows with five steps leadinz up to it. On the first step he wrote, Disobedience to Parents. .On the second step Sabbath breaking. On the third step, Gambling and Drun ken ness. On the fourth step, Murder. The fifth step was the platform on which the Gallows stood. This poor fellow doubtless wrote the his tory of many a •wostethand•lost life. Old Uncle Joe was so absent minded that on a certain 'Sunday .he arose, put on his working clorhes, and went out to the fields to mow. returned when break fast was about half over and said to his, nieces, "Girls, there's knothing like a cou ple of hours of work in the fresh air to give you an appetite for breakfast."— "Why. uncle, do you forget that this is Sunday ?" "Lord bless me, so it. is !" he answered, as he comprehended that he had been breaking the Sabbath. "I must go to my room and prepare for church." He went to his room, after hurriedly gulp ing down his breakfast, with the intention of dressing. Not appearing in half an hour, one cf the girls went up to call him. She•found him fast asleep. When he had thrown of his clothes he forgot that he had intended to dress for church and went to bed, thinking it was bedtime. THP.: YOUSG MAN WITH TWINS.-A young man who was asked the other day y a woman in a Pentisylvahia railroad train to hold her twins 'for a moment, while she got out for, refreshments, was subsequently much embarrassed ; because, as the fond mother did not return, but rather took the next train back to the city, he was obliged to perform the duty of holding those two babies, one upon.each knee, all the way out to Pittsburg, and it became montoLous before lie reached that city. All he could do was to sit there and think, and think and blush, while the twins emitted the most unearthly yells and enquired in vain for,sustenance. The passengers' stared, and seemed to . reo.ard the unfortunate youth as an 'unnatural father. The manner in which he' sinned those infants into an orphan asylum. as soon as he got tooPittsburg indicated that he was anxious, to get rid . of them. , And so lie was. ONLY Si,A DAT's ALL.—liere is a very good anecdote, reminding one somewhat of Mrs. Stowe's -"Tepsy :" During the last year of the war, a con traband came into the. Federal ines North Carolina, and was marched up to the officer of the day to give an account of himself, whereupon the following collo quy ensued : "What is your name?" "My name's -Sam." "Sam what?" "No, sah, not Sam Watt. I'se jist Sam." "What's your other name?" "I hisn't got no .other name, sah. I'se Sam rlat's all." "What's your master's name?" • "rse got no master now ; massy runneil away—yali ! vali ! rse free nigger now." "Well, what's your father's and moth er's name?" I'se got none, sah—nebber bad none.—% I'se jilt Sam—ain't nobody olse."' "Haven't you gat any brothers and sill tersr eah ; neber had none. ".ico brud der, no sister, no fader. no mndder, no marsa—nothin' *bat Sam. Trhen van Bee Sam; you see 01l there is of us." •s you have ncThi\- ses are built zz,/