113 Y W. BLAIR'
VOLUME 25.-
THE CHREIEBB AJ)Dg!ISS. ,
Now, reader, we intend to write
About our ,borough generally,
Intending sipply to,indite
A. brief, bit AruArdirectory.
But,,friends,Aat what we say torday
Let:no one l mentioned take offense;
'Tis written in a friendly way,
So donot tnisonstrue the sense.
The interests,of our public schools
Are guarded by our friend P. Bentz,
'Who modestlylbut wisely' rules
Like one (2of more than ordinary sense
Assisting in another grade
Is Mr. Zuck, so full of life;
But though a very "King of Spades,"
lie lacks the comforts of a wife.
In turn Miss Matthews next appears,
Who wisely rules, if we can tell;
- We hope, ere very many years,
; She'll rule a household just as well
•
Miss Lyle Wilson, in number three,
Sound, knowledge to the young imparts;
.Of cour..e, ,ere,long,.we all will. see
Him take.her.for kia "Queen of Hearts."
And last, though not least, who teach
•
• • Z o - read ondspeik,
Are Miss Phreaner and Mrs. Rink, each
Laboring earnestly and well.
Physicians we have two and five,
The same all good, yon are aware;
Vho_work to_k_eep_a: all alive
And,charge like—doctors everywhere
Attorneys,;Besore, and Douglas,
Are gentlemen of legal lor.1;;
I might explain their 'biz,' but alas!
It is nom se=you've all been there before
-Our pulpits all are occupied
With dignity and lining;
'They could not betterbe supplied
With a Beeeher or wehanning.
Of grocery and dry-goods stands
We think we have enough for all;
.Don't stop to buy of only one,
But give then all a friendly call.
For those in want of staves or tin,
Rusiel. and Tritle a stock both keep,
C. Frey, too, is dealer in
All.kinds of tin-ware good and cheap
-Our justices are able men,
And worthy of a paying docket,
Because you see on that depends
The weight and value of their pocket
Saloons and Inns, but only two;
Some say, indeed, we've five ;
And, these dull times, how they get thro',
Is more than we could e'er contrive.
Our machine shops are carried on
By men you all must know;
And gentlemen who well deserve
Whatever favors you may show
.01' course we all eat bread and cakes;
Fresh Pretzels, too, we don't decline,
As Henneberger and Sleasman bake
Some good thins in the pretzel line.
, Of tailors we have two or more,
Who "cut" for saint and sinner; •
,They've handled many a goose before,
And ought to have a goose for dinner
Then Reininger,,Boerner, Filbert—all
Will dress you out from head to foot
At lower rates than great Oak Hall
And ninny suspenders in to boot
'That ladies may,irnprove their looks,
Or lead the BEAU MONDE van, over,
'We've the Misses Stickle & Gordon,
Also Mrs. Hollinberger, and Stover
"To please the little girls and boys,
We've several:handsome stores,
Well filled with candies fruits and toys,
- And Now Year gifts by scores.
•Green groceries but four we find,
And these all make their mark;
Who also deal in every kind
Of fish, excepting whales and shark
At A.mberson or Forthman's store,
Our drugs and medicines we buy;
They tell us they are fresh and pure,
4 , And druggists never tell a lie.
Our boot and shoe stores can't be beat—
Their owners, too, are•growing rich,
And like to measure dainty feet,
Much better than to peg and stitch.
.Our butchers both are clean and neat,
And always keep upon their shelves
'The freshest, choicest kinds of meat,
You cannotthelp but suit-yourselves
Ad. Forney up on Main reF,idea,
Quite peaceably if left alone;
But he has tanned so man hides,
Why shouldn't some one tan his own
For good tobacco, pipes or snuff, •
Take Washabaugh'Es—with one accord ;
For any other kind of. "puff,"
• Take half a column in the RECOIiD.
Or, if you want a handsome crop
Of whiskers, or a fine mustache,
Go up to "Billy" Price's shop
And take along the ready cash.
For furniture,—a sofa,—chair,
Or aught of that kind else,
You cant buy cheaper any where
Than Bender, Crebs, and Detrow sells
:Of watches, jewelry and clocks,
Zeke Elden keeps the very thing;
just call around a.Osee his stock,
,Ana buy your girl a wedding ring.
tDr if, perchance, some :leisure hour, ~
You'd like. to have a,little run,
Just run around to Dr.Bratisholts,
And show your teeth-you'lesee the fun
For papers. books and-stationary - •
Give Brackbill & Geiser a call;
Just ask, for what you want and they
Will wait politely op you alf.
A few words more and we are done; -
Kind patrons, you're aware, .
The Carrier his "beat" has run
Throughout another year.
And though his tramp is wearisome, •
He never Yet complained,
No matter if the morning come
With sunahine or with rain.
'Tis surely meet, then, once a year,
At least for him to ask,
Some slight "remembrance," reader dear,
To recompense his task,
For which accept his thanks right here,
Before he ends his call,
10111 then a happy, prosperous year,
••Tie wiShes one and I.
Alistributous 3endinjj.
"Farming Don't Pay."
If Farming didn't pay it wouldn't be
followed ; necessity compels it to pay—
not ()illy on farms, or rather with all far
mers, but with the bulk of them, and par
tieularly the best. So it is with any Bus
iness-; it must pay or it will be discontin
ued. Sometimes, however, it pays less,
parOcularly farming in which nature has
so much to do and the exertion of the man•
the ie - kl business uk e - sutject to these
changes. But the greatest diversity is in
another direction=in the capacity . or ac
tivity of those engaged. There are many
poor farmers, some quite poor- -wretched.
These do not find it to pay, and, so change
_to_something_else,_or_to-soma_other-and
better farm. But it is the same : they
are not apt to do well anywhere. - If far
ming were depending upon these men the
world would starve. But it is bound not
to starve, and so it employs, among oth
ers, its best men, who are sure to do well
as 'they would do well anywhere. It re
quires mind, enterprise and care to suc-'
coed in any business or -calling. While
some men are compelled to,vacate their
land, others ,will grow rich and secure
themselves the fine homesteads we see in
order settled parts of the country. It was
not idl2ness and shiftlessness that did this.
Farming, then, will • pay, but only with
those who exert themselves and make it
pay. :There is money in,,
- it because their •I
must' be. There is money in it, says en
'terprise, and I,wiil have it. People must
have bread, and - to furnish this in the
best way is to realize the profit. But
this must be done ; the man must keep up
with the progress around him, or he will
surely be left behind. He must avail
himself of all the advantages, and there
are many ; he can not do without them ;
they make it a condition. But how ma
ny are struggling in the old way, &Lind
ering to keep, up ; and with heads just a
hove_water crying farming don't pay ?
It pays even in the hard times, and that
handsomely, to the right man who pros
ecutes faithfully his business.—Country
Gentleman.
SLEEP ON YOUR CAM - S.—Men of bus
iness, there is now and then a profitable
venture in doing nothing at all. In the
power te.put business aside and abiding
now and then in a perfect quiet, things
sometimes solve themselves, when we give
them that advantage, which refuse to come
clear with all our trying. We all know
how, by simply taking some perplexity
into the deepest silence this side of death
—a good night's sleep—we can do better
sometimes, than if we sat up and wrought
at a task all night. When Matthew Mur
ray, of Leeds, wanted to see his way thro'
some sore perplexity in his invention, and
all otter effort was of no other use, he
rested night and day from all noise, and
all effort except the effort an active man
has to keep himself quiet; and then the
thing he wanted would steal in, and look
at him, and light on him, and stay as
birds used to light on the old hermits, no
More afraid of them, than of the tree un
der which they sat.
Tan ART OF MAKING MONEY.— One
great cause of the poverty of the present
day is the failure of many people to ap
preciate small things. They say if they
can not save large sums, they will not
save anything. They do not realize how
a daily addition, be it ever so small, will
make a large pile.
If the young men and women of to-day
will only begin, and begin now, to save a
little from their earnings :Ind invest it in
some saving bank, and weekly or month
ly add to their mite, they will wear a hap 7
py smile ofcontent and independence when
they reach middle life.
Not only the pile itself will increase,
but the ability and desire to increase it
will soon grow. Let the clerk and trades
man, the laborer aLd artisan, now Make
a beginning. Store up some of your force
and. vigor ,for future contingency. Let
parents teach their children to begin ear
ly to save. Begin .at the fountain-head
to control the stream of extravagance,
and then the work will be easy to dhoose
between poverty and riches.
VrrAtrrv.—:Nothing is better establish
ed in the domain of vita! statistics than
this, viz., a very long body, with short
legs, under ordinary circumstances, indi
cates a longer lease of life .than when the
lower limbs are long and the body short.
In a large, long body, the .vital organs
within are perfectly developed and act
more freely and regular. In a narrow
chest and short trunthe functions of res
piration and digestion are lees perfectly
accomplished.'
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, JANUAY 2.,1873.
'Word To Parent&
By „REV. JOHN TODD, D. D.
Among themountairos of. NewEDgland,
years ago, there, lived a father, mother,
and seven children. The father was a
doctor,. in a new country. His practice
was extensive, his calls many ; lwt the peo
ple were poor and his compensation small.
Unfortunately toe, he met his Al ea th
wound in his duties, and went to his grave
in the strength ofmanhood. aust before
his death his youngest child was born—a
scrawny, puny babe, weighing five or six
pounds. The mother was worn out, and
was to be left poor, friendless and alone,
With her great family of little ones. But
that baby! Every one said, "What a
mercy if that 'child should die!" "Whit
can she do with it? What a blessing if it
should die !" The poor mother almost
thought so too. But the unwelcome babe
would not die. He made a struggle for
life, and won the battle. Hardly had he
passed from infancy into early childhood,
when it was evident that his mother could,
no longer take care of her children.—
They were scattered into four different
States, and Ws' babe 'lever saw all his sis
ters till he was ; twenty years eld—a mem
ber of College
We read much of the hard lot of the
newsboys and poor lads in our great cities,
but I doubt if among them all you could
find a case where a child was handed a
round, welcome nowhere—buffeted an d
neglected,' to a degree beyond the experi•
ence of our little hero. lie had no lea 4
than five or six changes in what he called
his "home." Alas! he new not the mean-
boti a wori . is opportunities for
'instruction were very limited, his mental
. development was very slow, and his asso
ciates of the most undesirable kind. The
stratum of poverty and want of friends
was such, as it lay upon him, that it seem
-ed-imptissible that hb - cotrid - eversho - ot up
through it. Not a soul gave hiin'a word
of encouragement. And when he an
mounced. h's determination to obtain an.
.educition the announcement was received
with a shout of ridicule.-:He worked hard
for his food, and for a part of his clothing,
Pe trapped furs for the rest. Mink and
muskrat skins bought the first hat be ever
wore—his-own Sunday hat!
But onward the bov struggled, sawing
wood in the evening by which to procure
his school books, borrowing now and then,
and never going higher than a street book
stall for his purchase. Not a word of
cheer. "What alpitytt spoil so good a
boy for work to make a student' of him l"
So he heard people say again and again.
And now let us.see some of the results
of having that - "unwelcomed babe" live.
His mind slowly developed, like the.
oak, but it was a strong, firm one. He
had, it was found after a long dine, the
three requisites to success, viz., original
capacity, (called taleats), - nervous power,
(called enthusiasm), and a good bodily
organization, (called endurance, or hard
work). He pushed his way into college,
he wrought, and taught, and studied, and
graduated with honors ; he studied his pro
fission earnestly and . faithfully, and thus
took his place among men. .
And now for a few of the results.
(a.) For nearly a score of %ears that
son supported and provided for his aged,
feeble mother, in her last years, never al
lowing her to know a want That he could
possiMy Supply.
(b.) He had the pleasure of helping
those who were kind to him in his child
hood.
(c.) God gave him the joy of knowing
that not one of his father's large family
went down to the grave without leaving
evidence that they were Christians.
(d.) In very early life he consecrated
himself to God, and fixed his eyes only on
being useful.
(e.) God gave him a most excellent
wife, and a large family, children, all*
of whom `became hopefully pious, educa
ted, and very useful in the world,
(f.) The professional life of our hero
was long, earnest, judicious and success
ful. His voice has been heard almost
everywhere, and his pen has sent his
thoughts round the globe. These thoughts,
I trust, will live and influence men for au
unlimited period yet. Eternity alone can
reveal the results• of one such life.
To conclude msr true, and in no respect
overdrawn story, lec me say :
To the weary, care-worn mother, don't
despond, don't murmur. Yourchild which
now causes you so much anxiety, may
live to be a comfort and a joy to you, and
a blessing to the world. Donit worry he. :
cause your boy seems stupid and slow ig
developing. Nature works here in het:
own way.
To the poor boy I would say, don't
doubt but that, in our country, effort will
always command success ; Jabor is the
price you must pay, nothing else
To the Sabbath-school teacher, I would
say, -toil on, you may not chisel marbles
into statues, but you. may mould your
seemingly dull boy into what is greater
than marble—into a noble, good, useful
mau—a thing that will honor God forever.
SNAns.—The snail cujtivators near
Paris have their pastures well stocked
again, we are told. The peasants in the
Champagne district drive a thrifty busi
ness by catching all the snails they can
and selling thug to the regular snail grow
ers, who shut them up in a fattening park
and feed them on various dainty salads
until they become too large to pass thro'
a ring of regulation size. They then send
the snails to Paris, where they are eaten
as a great .delicacy,' under the name of
Champagne oysters.
A Connecticut schoolboy has written a
composition upon' the horse, in which he
says : ••It is an animal having. ,fop: legs,
one at melt ,corner.
DREAN6AND.
u HY 31T18. H. J. 31AXWEJI.
Adown the sky•night's - Shadows sweep;
Faint and fitful the ntoonlight'i gleam;
I stand bekre the gates Of sleep, •
Waiting to pass to the land of &Puma ;
Eager my fainting spirit waits, ,
•
Rest froth-pain 'and toil to win,
Then open to me the mystic gates, '
' And let the weary soul pass in.
'Tie a land.l Jove—the land of dreams—
For often, as . through its shades I roam,
I hear the murmur of mountain streams,
And catch a glimpse of childhood's hone;
Oft I hear the music' f voices there,
Which ziever may fall on my wakieg ear,
And see the light. of faces fair,
'Which the sod has hid full many a year.
Waking, I wander here alone, • ' J
. But when I pass sleep's charmed gates,
Some one from out the days agone,
For me by the shadowy, portal waits—•
Ah ! who is waiting there to-night?
•Mill my father talk with his lonely child?
Shalt 1 hear my brother's laughter light?
Will my mother smile as of old she smiled?
Sometime the dearest face that I know
Flits for an instant before my sight;
Perhaps, as the visions come and pa,
I 8144 see my darling's face to-night;
I know le lies buried fathoms deep-
Under the waves of the treacherous sea,
Yet sometimes-close by the gates of sleep,
Living and loving, he waits for me.
Then let the winds go wailing by,
Or let the balm zesh rs rise
Let happy hearts hold revelry,
Or mourners watch with weary eyes.;
Dark as death let the shadows creep,
Or let moon bathe the world like snow,
So I but pass through the gates of sleep,
To the life and. love of long ago.
Making a Fortune
Samuel McF—was a watchman in •a
bank. He was, poor but honest, and his
life was without reproach. The trouble
with him was that he felt that he was not
appreciated. His Salary was only four
dollars a week, and when he asked to
have it raised the President, the Cashier
and the Board .of Directors glared at him
through their spectacles, and frowned on
him, and told him to go out and stop his
insolence; when he knew business was
dull and the bank could not meet its ex
penses now, let alone lavish one dollar a
week on such a miserable worm as Samuel
McF-1. And then Samuel McF—
felt depressed and sad, and the haughty
scorn of the President and the Cashier cut
him to the soul. He would often go into
the side yard and bow his venerable twen
ty-four inch head, and weep gallons of
tears over his insignificance, and pray
that he might•be worthy of the Cashier's
and President's polite attention.
One night a happy thought struck him ;
a gleam of light burst upon his soul, and
gazing down the dim vista of years with
his•eves all blinded with joyous tears, he
saw himself rich, honored and respected.
So Samuel McF—looked arounc, and
got a jimmy,' a monkey wrench, a cross
mit saw, a coal chisel, a drill, and about
half a ton of gun powder and nitro-gly
cerine, and all those things. Then in the
dead of night he went to the fire-proof
safe, and after working at it for a while,
burst the door and brick into an immor
tal smash with such perfect success that
there was not enough of that safe left to
make a carpet tack. McF—then pro
e2eded to load up with coupons, green
backs, currency and specie, and to nail
all the odd change that was lying any
where, so that he pranced out of the
bank with over one million• dollars on
him. He then retired to an unassuming
residence out of town, and sent word to
the detectives where he was.
A detective called on him one day with
a soothing note from the Cashier. Mr.
McF. treated it with lofty scorn. Detec
tives called on him every day with hum
ble notes from the President, Cashier and
Board of Directors. At last the bank of
ficers got up a Magnificent supper to
which Mr. McF. was invited. He came
and as the bank officers bowed down in
the dust before him, he pondered over the
bitter past, and hiss rl was filled with
wild exultation. :Before he drove away
in his carriage that night, if was all fix
ed that McF. was to keep half a million
of that money and to be unmolested if he
returned the other half. He fulfilled his
contract like an honest man, but refused
with haughty disdain.the offer of the Cash
ier to marry his daughter.
Mac is now honored and respected. .He
moves in the best society ; he goes around
in purple and fine linen and other fine
cloths, and enjoys himself first-rate. And
now he takes his infant son on his knee
and tells him of his'early life,and instills
holy principles into the childs's mind,
and shows him how, by industry and per
severance, frugality and nitro-glycerine,
monkey-wrenches, cross-cut saws and fa
miliarity with the detective system, even
the pcor miiyy . rise to influence and respec
tability.—.3fark Twain.
Endeavor to .tae your . 3vork quietly.
Anxiety and over-action are always the
cause of sickness and restlessness. We
must use our judgment to control our ex
citement, or our bodily strength will break
down ! We must remember that our
battle is to be won by a strength not our
own. It is a battle that does not depend
upon the swift nor the strong.—Good
Health.
God is exceedingly earnest in his en
deavors to recall men from sin and folly
to heavenly wisdom. His calls to them
are •an many, loud and so ynried, thot
none •can fail to hear but thoue
Aeglect them. •
Billings'Rezoluihuos for 1873.
That i won't smoke enny more cigars,
only at, um body.else's expense.
Thati wont borry nor lend— espeshily
lend.
That I will live . withm mi inkum, if i
hav tew git trusted tew do it.
That i wont...advise enny body, until i
kno the kind ov advise they are anxious
tew follow.
That I wont wear enny more tite boots
if i hay tew go barefoot tow do it.
That i - wont swop dogs with no man,
unless 'i kan swop two for one.
'That i wont sware eunY, unless i am
under oath.
That poverty may be a blessing, but if
it iz, it iz a blessing in disguise.
That i will take my whisky hereafter
straight—straight tew the gutter.
That the world owes me a living—pro
vided i earn it.
That i wont swop enny horse with the
deakon.
That no man shall beat me in a polite
ness, not so long uz politeness kontinues
tew be az cheap az it iz now.
_That if a man calls me a phool i won't
ask him tew prove it.
That i will lead a moral life, even if i
go lonasum and lose a good deal ov fun
by it. •
That if a man tells me a mule wont
kik, beleave what he sez without
trieing it.
That the best time tew repent ov
blunder iz just before theblunder iz made.
That i,will try hard to be honest, but
be just my darned luk to,miss it.
That i.' wont grow enny_kats: Sponta
neous a : hay kilMlll
That i will love mi mother-in-law if it
takes all the money I Jan earn tew do it.
That .:i believe real good lies are getting
.skarser,and skarser every day.
That when i hear a man bragging on
_his ancestors i wont env him, but i will
pity his ancestors.
Finally, i will sarah fOr things that are
little, for things that are lonesum, avoid
ing all torch lite .proseshuns, bands of
brass music, wimniins' right convenshun's
and grass widders generally.
Recollections of Don Quixote.
Here are a few extracts from:Don Quix
ote i
Beauty in a modest womanialike fire
or a sharp sword at a distance; neither
doth• the one burn nor the other wound
those that come not too close to them.
'Keep your mouth shut and your eyes
open.
Self praise depreciates.
The dead to the bier, the living to good
cheer.
All women. let them be ever so home
ly, Itae pleased to hear themselves celebra
ted for beauty.
Squires and knight-errands are subject
to much hunger and ill-luck.
Liberality may be carried too far in
those 'oho have children to inherit from
them.
Virtue is always more persecuted by
the wicked than beloved by , the righte
ous.
Eve ,
i t
cne is the son of his own works.
No dloeks, bolts or bars can secure a
maiden as well as her own teserve.
Wit and humor belongs to genius a- -
lone.
The wittiest person in the comedy is he
that plays the fool.
'There is no book so bad but that some
thing; good may be found 'in it.
We are all as God made us, and often
times a great deal worse.
We cannot all he friar!, and various
are the paths by which God Conducts the
way to heaven.
Cnvetonsness bursts the bag.
It is easy to undertake, but more diffi
cult to finish a thing.
This term is equally applicable to all
things—whoever is ignorant is Vulgar.
Other men's pains are easily borne.
HIS WATPS.-It came to the knowl
edge of Frederick the Great, King of
Prussia, that a corporal of his body-regi
ment, a fine young fellow, wore a watch
chain suspended from &leaden ball, mere
ly from a wish to appear consequential.—
Frederick, wishing to be convinced of the
matter, accosted the , corporal one day on
the parade. "Corporal," said he "you
must have been'a prudent fellow to have
saved a watch out of your pay." "I flat
ter myself that I am brave, sir," replied
the man ; "the watch is of little conse
quence." The King taking out a watch
set with diamonds, said, "My watch points
at five. How much is yours ?" Shame
and confusion first appeared in the corpo
ral's face: at length, he drew oat his bal
let and answered with a firm voice: "My
watch, sir, shows me neither five nor six,
but it tellsme that I ouht to be ready,
at every hour, to die for -our Majesty."
.The King replied ; "In order that you may
daily see one of those hours at which you
are to die , for me, take this watch."
SILENT IxFtrENcE.—We are touch.:
ing oar fellow-beings on all sides. They
are affected for good or for evil by what
we are, by what we say and do, even by
what we think and feel. May flowers in
the parlors breath their finance through
the atmosphere. We are each of us si
lently saturating the atmosphere about us
with the subtile aroma of our character.
In the family circle besides and beyond
all the teaching, the daily life °reach pa.
rent and child mysteriously modifies the,
life of every person of the household. The:
same process, on a wide scale, is going on
through the community. No man liveth
to himself, and no man dieth to himself.
Others are built up and - straightened by
our unconscious deeds ; and 'others may
be wrenched out of their places, and
thrown away by mar unconscious influence.
Mean time—Phe time when one's note
falls due.
Selling a Constable.
A certain constable, a, short time since,
espied .a tin peddler i pursuing his trade,
and like a pickerel After a :minnow, he
rushed after him and inquired :
"Have you a license to sell ?"
"No," coly"replied the itinerant ven
der of pots and pans, "I havn't."
sir, Ell attend to your case,"
says the Dogberry.
"All right," says the pedler ; "do."
The eager official rushed off to the near.
est Mal justice and obtained a warrant,
and armed and equipped with the awful
document, starts on a chase after the of
fended itinerant. Some time we believe,
the next day, after a long chase, the re
presentative- Yankee was found, and hus
tled before the justice, who read to him
the warrant, and, as .a. matter of form,
asked him whether he was guilty or not
guilty. '
"Not guilty," says the unabashed ped
ler.
The justice and constable opened wide
their eyes to such contumacy. They had
not been in the habi t t of seeing such.
"Not guilty!" quoth the former. "Don't
you peddle goods around here ?"
"Yes," replied the alleged culprit."
"Well, have you a license?" asked
Rhadamadthus, in sarcastical tones.
"Oh, yes," says the traveling agent,
"Why," says the justice—quite anoth
er expressing corn ing.over his countenance
—"didn't you tell this gentleman that
you had no license?"
"No, sir."
"Yes, you did," shouted Tipstaff:
o,J
didn't',.' quietly s -
"I say you did," vociferated the con
stable.
"I swear I didn't," still persisted the
pedler.
"Well, what did you tell me, then ?"
"You asked me if I had a license to
sell, and I told you I hadn't ali - eense - te
sell," continued the pedler, in an injured
tone, "for I wanted it to peddle with."
HE WAS LErr.—A genuine touch of
"woman nature, as well as human nature,
pervades the following from a correspon
dent in Detroit: "A. comfortable old cou
ple sat a seat or two in front of us on the
railroad during one of the hottest days of
last summer. The journey was evidently
one of. the events of their lives, and their
curiosity excited the attention of the pas
sengers. At a way-station the old gen
tleman stepped out of the cars to get a
drink, or to buy a doughnut, and heard
the bell only in time to rush to the door of
the eating-house and see the train moving
off without him. The old lady in her seat
had been fidgeting, and looking out of the
window in her anxiety for his return, and
when she saw his plight, his frantic ges
tures for the train to stop as it swept farth
er and farther away, she excl aimed:
"'There! my old man's got left! he has !!
there, see he has ! ! ! Wall, she continued,
settling bask into her seat again. 'l'm
glad en't—it's always been "Mammy ,
you'll 'get left ! mammy, you'll get left!
all my life long; and now he's gone and
got left, and I'm glad ou't." "Her can
did refiection.on the accidcnt, and the ev
ident satisfaction she felt in the fact that
it was the old man and not herself that
was left, was greeted by a round of laugh
ing applause. Not a few of the ladielkin
the car were delighted that it was the old
man and not the woman who had 'caught
it' this time. For once, the lord and net
the lady had made the blunder, and 'gone•
and got left."
KEEP.-
Keep to the right, as the law directs.
Keep from the world thy friend's de
fects.
Keep all thy thoughts on purest themes.
• Keep from the eyes the motes and
beams.
Keep true thy -deeds.
bright.
Keep firm thy faith in God and right
Keep free from every sin and stain.
Keep from the ways that bring thee
pain.
Kee, free thy tongue from words of ill.
Keep right thy aim and good thy will.
Keep all thy acts from passion free. -
Keep strong in hope, no envy see.
Keep watchful care o'er tongue and
hand.
Keep firm thy feet, by justice stand.
Keep true thy word, a sacred thing.
Keep from the snare thy tempters
:bring.
Keep faith with each you call a friend.
Keep from all hate and malice free.
Keep firm thy courage bold and strong.
keep up the right; 'Ad down the wrong.
Keep well the words of wisdom's school.
Keep warm "by night, by day keep
cool.
FORTUNES WHESL.—One of the sever
est and sadest personal misfortunes crea
ted by our late direful calamity that we
have had occasion to record is the follow
ing: On one of the streets at the South
End of our city there resides a middle-a
ged man with a wife and children, who,
previous to thd fire, were living happily
and faring sumptously every day upon an
income arising mainly from some 8300,-
000 invested in good paying insurance
stocks. With the calamity 411 of this prop
erty and source of, income were swept a
waMeaving him a poor man. It was a
terrible blow. But his loving wife, though
reared in the lap of luxury and unused to
to the care and perplexities of life, quiet
ly rpse above the wreck and ruin of their
worldly store, disposed of her jewels, and,
with such means as she was able to com
mand, makes her debut as a landlady of
a South End' boarding and lodging house:
The pluck of such a wife is credit' enough
fnr spy mars to bliqd . innn. anil rartital
enough to float him over the very tidal i
waves of misfortunes.-- Boston Ike: ald.
$2,00 PER YEA R
' NUMBER 30
MI t au it Xiiin o r.
How to cut als 4 11—Turu your back.
on biro.
A Terre Hautir exclaimed, when sho
saw a Theinasfe lerate his back :
"Ohl wouldn't he a-e a lovely bustle?'
"The dearest of \1
earth" has at last
T
been located. se wishing to find the
"spot" will find it the store that does
not, advertise.
._.
____ ,
Life according to the Arabic proverb
is composed of two parts—that which is
past, a dream, and that -which is to come,
a wish.
The married ladies of Hannibal, Mo.,
have formed a "Come Home Husband
Club." It is about four feet .long and
'has a brush on .the end of it. -
A poor young man remarks That the
only advice he gets from capitalists is "to
live within his income," whereas that dif
ficulty he experiences is to live Ivithout
an income.
A gentleman, arhose daughtethad mar
ried a man by the name of Price, was
congratulated by one of his friends who
remarked : "I ,am glad to see you have
got a good price for your daughter."
raptured writer ' iquires : '"What is
',here under en ore humanizing, or,
'f we may use:the more angelizing,
;han-a-fine-blaek-eyein-a- ely-womture-
=OE
' it rather it the nail on the head when
a lady,'on being asked what she thought
was the meaning of the words, "the pesti
lence that walketh in,darkness," .answer
ed that, in her opinion, it was bedbugs.
"Now, John, suppose there's a load of
hay on one side of the river, and a jack
ass on the other, and no•bridge, And the
river's too wide to swim, how can the
jackass get to the hay?? ”I give it up ?"
"Well that's just what the other jackass
did."
"The ,eandles you sold me last 'were eve
ry bad," said Jones to a tallow chandler.
"Indeed, sir ; do you know they burnt to
the middle, and would then burn no long
er." "You surprise rue ; what, sir, do they
go out ?" "No, sir, they burned shorter."
FEM &LE LOVELINESS.—Do not think
you can make a girl loVely if you do not
i
make her happy. There s • not one res
iiaint you put on a good girl's nature—
thereis not one check you give to her in
stincts of affection - or effort—which will
not-be indelibly written on her features
with a hardness which is all the more pain
ful •because it .takes away the biightuess
from the brow of virtue. The perfect love
liness of a woman's countenance can only
consist in the majestic peace which is found
in the memory o„t: happy and useful years,
full of sweet records, and front the joining
with that yet more majestic childishness,
which is still full of chaige and promise,
opening always, modest at once, and bright
with hope of better things . .to be won and
to be bestowed. There is no old%ge where
there is still that promise; it is eternal
youth.
WEI' MEN DON'T MARRY.—Rov. Hen
ry Horgon lectured in Boston last week
on "Why men don't marry." Ills head
ings were these ; Men don't marry ; first,
because. they can't get the one they want ;
bachelors have high motions. , Second, be
cause .many of them are cowards; they
date not fade the music ; they dodge' the
question. Third; because they arc skep.
tical ; they lave im faith in Woman -; they
think marriage a lottery. Fourth, they
are selfish ; they cannot yield for ,anoth
er's good ; cart't support a finally—want
the'sweets of life without bearing its bur
dens. Fifth, woman's extravagance.—
Here the speaker showed' the true cause
for man's hesitancy ; expensive living and
extravagant dress. It costs as- niuch ,to
launeb a woman on the sea of wedded life
as it would to fit out a schooner. As to
sails, cordage, pennants, streamers, the
difference would be in, favor of thescbooner
Thy honor
HOW THEY SHAVE IN CHINA;4 I , ';`4
low who has been shaved in
that his barber first strapped the razor
on his leg, and then did the shaving vith
out any lather. The customer remonstra
ted, but was told that the lather was en
tirely useless, and had n tendency to make
the hair stiff and tough,- and was, there
fore, never used Ly persons who. had aivv
knowledge of the face and its appendages.
After the beard had been taken uif—
.nd it was taken off in a very short time
—the barber took a long sharp, needle
shaptd spoon, and began to explore his
customer stirs. He brought up from nu
merous little crevios bits of wax and
dirt that had been accumulating since
his childhood. The' batlwr suddenly twist
ed 'his subject's nelit.to•one side in suet' 'a
manner that it crailied as if the vertebra:
had been dislocated. ",
"Hold on !" shouted the party, alarmed
for the safety of his neck:
• "Ali right," replied the tousor, "me no
hurt you," and he cont;nued to jerk and
twist the neck until it was as limber as
an old lady's dish-rag. He they fell to
beating-the back, breast. arms 4tml side
with his . fist, then he pummeled the DUN-
Cit, until they fairly ; glowed with- the
beatingqbey, receiol. He then dashed
a bucket of cold.Wiiter over his man, driell
his skin with linVeis,- and declared 1! at
his work was awie:''.•:-7ithee two cents.
Tf than% is pilythino-411nt l: worn :hp
mind open to repels the
iniuiztry of ;ill, if. Itamaii4k4. -
• e'r---1
rea• y answer