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BY W. LAIR
VOLUME 25.
TIIEWAYIESBORO"NILLACE RECORD
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY 310ENN4
By W. BLAIR.
TEEMS—Two Dollars per Annum if paid
within the year; Two Dollars and
Fifty cents after the expiration
of the year.
.ADVERTISEMENTS—Cone Square (10
lines) three insertions, $1,50; for
each subsequent insertion, Thir
ve Cents per Square. A liberal
discount made to yearly adver
tisers.
LOCALS.—Business Locals Ten Cents per
line for the first insertion, Seven
Cents for subsea uent insertions
professiairat (anis.
J. B. AMBERSON, M. D.,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON,
WAYNESBORO', PA.
Office at the Waynesboro' "Corner Drug
ore." [jane 29—tf.
17R_ I:6 A. N 1 1 1 ,
Has resumed - the - practice - of Medicine. --
OFFICE—In the Walker Building—near
: the Bowden House. Night calls should he
made at his residence on Main Street, ad
;joining the Western School House.
July 2U-tf . •
•
I\/1"
.PHYSICIAN AND .SURGEON.
WAYNESBORO' PA.
Office at his residence, nearly. opposite
he Bowden House. Nov 2—tf.
JO iSmr VSSONG,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
lAVING been admitcd to Practice Law
at the several Courts in Franklin Coun
ty, all business entrusted to his care will be
.promptly attended to. .Post—Odiee-address_
:Mercersbuit, Pa.
.L.E rzz.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
'WAYNESBORO', PA,
Will give prompt and closeattentiontoall
Business entrusted to lkis care. Oftice next
.door to the Bowden House, in the Walker
[july
JOSMra-I
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
WA I..NESBOILO', PA.
Praclices in the several Courts of Franklin
and adjacent Counties.
N. 13.—Real Estate leased and sold, and
Fire Insurance effected on reasonable terms.
December 10, 1871.
63., A\., 11., STUMM,
(FORMERLY OF MERCEILSIIERG, PA.,)
ifiFFERS his Professional services to the
NlYcitizens of Waynesboro' and vicinity.
DR. STRICKLER has relinquished au exten
sive practice at Mercersburg, "as
been prominently engaged for I.
years in the practice of his profession.
He has opened an Office in Waynesboro',
at the residence of George Besore, Esq., 't is
Father - in-law, where lie can be found at
times when not professionally engaged.
July.2o, 1871.-tf.
DR. J. 3f. RIPPLE. DR. A. S. BONEBRAK.E.
RIPPLE & BONBRARE,
WAYNESBORO', PA.
'Having associated themselves in the prac
-tice of Medicine and Surgery, otter their
professional services to the public.
Office in the room on the Forth East
Cur. of the Diamond, formerly occupied by
Dr. John J. Oelli g ,
July- 18, 1872-1 y
A. K. BRANISHOLTS,
RESIDENT DENTIST
WAYNESBORO', PA.,
CAN be found in his office at all times,
where he is prepared to perform all
Dental operations in the best and most
r•iii !Ifni manner.
We being acquainted with Dr. Branis
boitssocially and prOfrssionally recommend
}mini to all desiring the services of a Dentist.
Drs. E. A. HERING,
" M. MP P
" A. H. STRICKLER,
" J. B. AMBERSON,
" I. N SNIVELY.
" A. S., BONER Alin,
" TA). FRENCH,
LP. JE3RA_CIC3E3II.II.I,
PHOTOGRAPHER,
S. E. Corner of the Diamond,
WAYNESBORO', PA.,
MS at all times a fine assortment of Pie
tures Frames and Mouldings. Call and
eas specimen pictures. June t£
UlllO A N fa.TEL.
Cornar Aleg ermen
C.HAMBERSBURG, Penn' a.
LA.:*.TTZ 4 , , UNGER, Proprietors
The UNION has been entirely refited
end re-furnished in every department, and
under the supervision of the present pro
prietors, no effort willbe spared to deserve
a liberal share of patronage:
Their tables will be spread with the
best the Market affords, and their Bar
will always contain the thoicest Liquors.
The favor of the public solicited.
Extensive Stablingand attentive Hostlers,
Dec. 14-1-v
ibo ix.. for Sale:
III; subscribers would inform the pub
] lie that they have now for sale a good
article of brick and will continue to have
a supply on hand during the summer sea
son. B. F. cC li. C. FUNK.
June 13—tf
NOTICE TO. BUIL DERN.
A fine lot Pine Building Lumber for sale
„tt and will be furnished in rough, or hew
red in proper sizes to suit purchasers of
Dills. Apply at Mommr..EY
April 4, 1872—tf
Votirg,
PEOPLE WILL TALK.
You may get through the world but 'twill
be very slow,
If you listen to all that is said as you go :
You'll be worried and fretted, and kept, in
a stew,
For meddlesome tongues will have some
thing to do,
For people will talk.
If quiet and modest, you'll have it 'piesum
ed,
That your humble position .is only assum•
ed,
You're a wolf - in sheep's clothing, or else
you're a fool ;
But don't get excited, keep perfectly cool,
For people will talk.
If generous and noble, they'll vent out
their spleen ;
You'll hear some loud hints that you're
mean and 'selfish ;
If upright, honest, and fair as the day,
They'll call you a rogue in a sly, sneaking
way,
For people will talk.
And then if you show the least boldness of
heart,
Ora slight inclinati&i to take your own
They will call you an upstart, conceited
and vain ;
But keep straight ahead, don't stop to ex
plain,
For people will talk.
If thread bare your dress, or old-fashion
ed your hat,
Some one will surely take notice of that,
And hin't rather strongly you can't pay
your way ;
But don't get excited, whatever they say,
For people will talk.
If you dress in the fashion, don't think to
escape,
For they criticise then in a different shape
You're ahead of your means, or your tail
or's unpaid ;
But mind your own business there's naught
to be made,
. For people will talk.
Now the best way to do is to do as you
please ;
For your mind, if you have one, will then
be at ease.
Of course you will meet with all sorts of a
buse ;
But don't think to stop them—'twill be of
no use—
For people will talk.
ffliuellaugotts Pading.
Peter Cartwright.
The Northwestern Christian Advocate
says : As a mere antique, we shall miss
him. He died only week before last, but
he. was older than the photograph, the
Protestant Episcopal Prayer Book,. the
American Post Office, the telegraph, our
oldest railway, ocean steamers, and the
Constitution of the United States.
He was cotemporary to John Wesley,
George Washington, John Hancock, Pat
tick Henry, Thomas Jefferson, Hen r y
Clay, James Madison, John Randolph,
Roger Sherman, Richard Henry Lee, and
other' shining names. He came into the
world before Abraham Lincoln, Stephen
A. Douglas, Theodore Freliughuy sen,
Thomas Ewing, Rufus Choate, Edward
Everett, and others who made their rec
cords long ago. When he vas born, the
Union had but thirteen States; it was
still under the articles of Confederation,
and the Continental Congress was in ses
sion in New York. When the first cen
sus was taken, five years after his birth,
the country had a population of less than
4,000,000.
His long life of 87 years seems a short
one, but the peciod o is more golden than
the seventy five 'years that witnessed the
invention of printing, the mariner's com
pass, gunpowder and the RefOrmation.—
The period bounded. by 1785 and 1872
has no rival in history, and Peter Cart
wright's lifc spanned it all. He died as
old as the Republic, and all his labor was
given to Methodism, that mainstay of the
Republic as sturdy and vital as Puritan
ism.
At Cartwrighes birth John Wesley was
still living. When he was converted in
1801 the American Methodist Church had
less than 73,000 members, and the whole
world had 'less Methodists than are now
within the patronizing territory of the
Ni»lhwestern.. Long before his decease, in
1872, the world had 3,000,000 Wesleyans
and a Methodist constituency of over 12,-
000,000.
ROMANCE OF Tat WAR.—One Colonel
Washington, a wealthy planter living near
Nashville, Tenn., was rescued from a mob
of drunken soldiers, whom he had offend
ed, by Col. Downey, of Tiffin, Ohio, to
whose regiment the troops belonged.—
Downey has since died, leaving a widow
and family in poverty. Washington also
died recently, and in his will, it is stated,
made a beque'st to the widow and children
of Downey to the value of $100,000.
Gratitude has still a home in the human
breast, as is evinced by this generous deed.
A FAMILY NEWSPAPER---DEVOTED TO LITERATURE, LOCAL AND GENERAL NEWS, ETC.
WAYNESBORW., FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THITRSDAY,,OCTOBER 31,1872.
[COMMUNICATED.
One Hundred Years Ago.
This country was then a vast forest •in
habited by deer, wolves,bears, wild turkeys
and Indians. There were then no railroads,
few machine shops, no good roads, no rea
pers, mowers, threshers, and many other
things which lighten toil. Money made
in this wilderness was well earned. Long
before day the farmer began his toil which
ended late at night. The land was clear
ed of its timber by cutting trees and burn
ing saw logs, which would now sell at
high figures. This was the sport of young
men in the evening to come together to
.roll logs on piles and make a great fire.—
There was plenty of this out-door muscu
lar development. Our forefathers, too,
.enjoyed pure air, made more pure by the
forests which inhale what animals exhale.
In many ways they were blessed - by health
giving means that we now do not enjoy.
They had houses built of logs, not plas
tered, airtight, nor ceiled above head ;
a large stone chimney built at one end of
the house, was the fire place in which
logs were piled_and a fire_kindled,nround
which the family gathered after the day's
work was done. The girls engaged in
- spinning flax or wool for bedding and
clothing, while many a garment was made
from the sheep's back without taking it
from the farm. The young men went af
ter game, returning late at night finding
for their "tea" "a crock of milk" and a
large dish filled with corn mush. This
eaten they retired to the second story or
garret—provided with hundreds of ven
tilators in the roof and gables—to sleep,
if the fearful howls of the wolves at the
sheep pens would not awaken and 'terrify
them.
Few were the School Houses then, bu
-few as they-were;those-not-ventihtted-wer •
almost unknown. Fortunately the style
of architecture provided air holes suffi
_ciently, and cases of lung disease were few.
As the obstacles in the way for fast living
disappeared by degrees—as wealth pour
ed in upon the American people all lux
uries increased—a gradual contraction of
"air holes" was necessary to follow speci
fications belonging to the architecture in
use. "All things have changed" says the
modern reformer. Houses must change
also in material, form, appearance and
finish. "You must go in for improve
ments or you will get behind the age."—
We agree with reformer, if he will allow
us to discard those things which are' in
jurious tO our bodies and minds, and per
, haps, to our aesthetic feelings. What
manner of man would he be who would
sow seeds of plants that produce no fruit?
What use is a man who accomplishes no
good ? he might just as well be dead.—
The object for'which a man is designed
to live, is the perfection of his mental and
moral nature. An old adage is "a sound
mind in a. sound body." The body is the
foundation upon which mind—the super
structure—rests. There can be no satis
factory thinking done when the brain—
dependant upon healthy blood—suffers.-
Our dwelling houses, churches and school
houses, with few exceptions, are in these
boasted days of progress and improve
ment, killing off the population and dim
inishing the strength possessed by the Pi
uneers. Yes, fir what we have gained, in
convenience, educational advantages, ad
ditions to science and art, we have lost
in another way—yet how feW realize it
to an equal extent.
Modern civilization has heaped upon us
physical degeneracy. It is probable that
the hale old age which we now see, will,
in half a century be known only through
tradition, or through the pen of the histo
rian. Good authority informs us that
"the weaker vessell" in the days of the
Revolutionary War had greater power of
physical endurance than our young men
have in these stiring times. How many
parents after having enriched their chil
dren with an education, and have filled
their pocket books, become 'broken heart
ed and follow the corpses of "the idols of
their affection" to their quiet homes, just
when they could accomplish much good ;
but parents never dreamed that the seeds
of disease were laid long ago, by unfit
sleeping apartmpts, foul air sitting rooms
vitiated atmosphere in school ' houses and
churches. While many are dying of con
sumption in the prime of life-gasping for
breath—suffering
intensely—some escape
by what is termed "a weak constitution."
These are not able to endure damp feet,
damp clothing, or hard toil. Every effect
produced has a corresponding cause that
produced it. While thorns produce thorns
the children of unhealthy parents do not
enjoy blessings as did our forefathers.—
Now coop these up in an air-tight room
with no ventilation but that which is ac
cidental, heat, up die stove to blood, send
them in a perspiration to the school room
—which is no better—deprive them of
fresh air, give them no means whereby
they can expel decayed particles of the
body by the lungs—compel them by clos
ed windows to inhale the poison thrown
out of other lungs, or by insufficient flues
in walls of air-tight brick or frame hous
es, and you may wonder why they have
"departed" but I don't. You may not
know the cause but by scientific demon
stration I can prove it to you. Physi
cians, teachers, schcol directors and pa
rents should all unite to remedy this
great evil., It would seem to cost much
money to remodel houses ; but, would not
the money, pains and losses, caused by
present conditions amply compensate for
the expenditure? Great care should be
taken in the construction of new school
houses. Sufficient volume of air space
should be given so that every lung can do
its natural work. Every impediment in
the way of keeping the body warmed and
and free from poisoned air should be re
moved. Instead of "killing off children"
. by care the feeble may gain strength.
Let us take as much pains in the de-
velopment of our children as does the
nursery man or the gardiner with his
trees and plants, "which are but for a
moment." There are now good books
published which give designs of churches,
school houses and dwellings. Ample space
for play ground (2 acres) .with swings,
ladders, ball paddles, race ground, mar
ble grounds, if not blocks with which in
fants can exereise constructiveness, should
be connected with every school.
Now AND THEN. -
The Dead - Ship-Glertalvon. I 5.:41,
A passenger on the schooner Lancaster,
from Cape Breton, tells a grim and horri
ble story of the scenes on the dismantled
English brig Glenalvon, which was en
countered Sept. 19th. On boarding it a
dismal sight presented itself. Beneath a
heap of motley rigging a skeleton was
discovered.—The skull_and_ribshad_bee •
crushed almost level with the deck. Shreds
of canvas trowsers and a Guernsey frock
were found among and near the bones.—
Further search revealed five other skele
tons. A slight covering of crisped flesh
remained on four, showing that they bad
died m - ore - recently than the other two.
a particle of food was found on board,
so that death was no doubt caused by
starvation. In the forcastle, which was
'almost filled with water, a most unearth
ly stench•was discovered,and only two men
could be found, to enter and remain long
enough inside to report on what they had
seen there. There were two corpses on the
floor and one streched across a bunk.—
Entering the cabin, a foul oder was dis
covered, but not intense enough to forbid
a thorough investigation. Toward the
end of the steps leading down to the cab
in a fetid pool of water was seen, and the
men had'to wade through it in order to
fach - every - • ortion - of - the - eosin.—Be
tween a stationary table and a couch, the
head of a corpse protruded from a berth
in the wall, and, when brought on the
deck, it was found to be in a state of de
cay. A buttoned jacket of good material,
a flannel shirt, marked •`T. F.," and one
boot covered tho corpse. The chronome
ter in the cabin pointed to 41 o'clock, and
on the stationary table was an open bible
turned downward. A revolver with•two
chambers loaded, and a bottle containing
a piece of paper upon which was written ;
"Jesus, guide this to some helper. Mer
ciful God, don't let us perish." Tlt e
words were detached, and hiatus. occurred
between every two or three of them, show
ing that the writer must either have been
in the lowest stage of debility, or driven
to madness by hunger. In the captain's
stateroom his corpse was fbund, lying bent
on the floor, as though he had fallen from
weakness, while struggling with the vain
hope to save himself and men. On his
bed a letter was found, dated Martinique,
May 30, 1862, commencing, "Dear Kate,"
and signed "Robert C. Hart." The skel
etons were wrapped in canvass, the funer
al service was read, and they were con
signed to the sea.
FLIRTING.-It is remarkable, but never
theless true, that, as a rule, flirts, both
male and female, do not marry quickly.
The chances are that a girl who becomes
engaged at eighteen, and goes on becoming
engaged and disengaged,. as is the custom
for flirts to do, ultimately settles down
into a confirmed old maid. If she does
wed as a general rule, she developer into
a virulent wasp, makes her husband mis
erable, and brings up her children badly.
It is not very difficult to find reasons why
flirts do not marry. Sensible men admire
in a woman something more than a pretty
face and engaging manners. They love
intellect, common sense, and heart quali
fications, which' the flirt does not possess
The true woman allows her affections full
play, and is not ashamed of them. She
will not lead a man to believe she' cares
for him when she does no such thing ; she
will not flirt with him just for the sake of
flirting. • She has a true conception of
what is right, and possesses a great deal
more common sense. She has derived her
education from something else than three
volume novels and the society of the emp
typated.. She can be thoroughly merry,
but she can be merry without being idio
tic. She may attract less attention in a
drawing-room than a flirt does, because
she is less noisy and obtrusive ; but for
all that, She will be married sooner, and
make her husband a better and true wife.
A true woman does not care for the spoo
ny young man. She dislikes his foppish
ness, the vivid compliments lie pays her,
and his effeminacy. He quickly finds this
out and leaves lier in peace. Thus, if he
ultimately 'gets married, it is to the flirt,
and the happy pair lead the jolliest cat
and•dog life imaginable.
DANIEL WEBSTER'S ADVICE.—Other
young people may find the advice Dan
iel Webster to his grandson of value for
themselves. He wrote it about four years
before his death : "Two or three things I
wish now to impress on your mind. First,
you cannot learn without your own efforts.
All the teachers in the world can never
make a scholar of TOU, if you do not ap
ply yourself with all your might. In the
second place, be of good character and
good behavior ; a boy of strict truth, and
honor, and conscience in all things.—
Have ,but onP rule, and let that be always
to act right, and fear nothing—but wrong
doing. Finally, "remember your Creator
in the days of your youth." You are old
enough to know that God has made you
and given you a mind and fa.iulties ; and
will surely call you to account. Honor
and obey your parents; love your sister
and brother ; be gentle and kind to all ;
avoid peevishness and fretfulness; be pa
tient under lestraint. Look forward con
stantly to your approaching manhood, and
put off every day more and more all that
is frivolous and childless.
Upright walking is sure walking.
Something for Young Men.
Few things in the lives of young men
are so impressive, or so full of valuable
suggestions, as their frequently laments
over lost opportunities for mental or mor
al culture.
Iu his autobio
says :
"If it should fall to the lot of any
youth to peruse this piece, let such a
youth remember it is with the deepest re
gret that I recollect, in my manhood, the
_opporturdtioa for learning_whiel zeg,
lected in my youth ; that, through every
part of my literary career, I have felt
pinched and hampered by my own ignor
ance ; and that I would, at .this moment.
give half the reputation -I have had good
fortune to acquire, if, by doing so, I
could rest the remaining part upon a
sound foundation of learning and science
-- Edmund Burke grew
re
spect while it was not too late to retrieve
the most of his errors and losses ; for be
fbre his youth was entirely past, he wrote
to a friend :
"What would I give to have my spir
its-a.-little more settled I_l_ am too giddy.—
This is the bane of my life ; itturries me
from my studies to trifles and I am afraid
it will hinder me from knowing anything
thoroughly. I have a superficial knowl
edge of many things, but scarcely the bot
tom-of any:"
Washington Ervin, when giving coun
sel to a young friend, exclaimed, in the
bitterness of his heart :
"How many an hour of hard labor and
study have .1 had to subject myself to, to
atone, in a slight degree, for the' hours
that I suffered society to cheat me out al"
Even Josiah Quincy the last man in
the world that we should have suspected
of having_wasted_a_ moment in his daily_
Wlameuts more flaw ouLe — his—neglec
of that mental and moral cultivation,
which he regards as - the "noblest of hu
man pursuits." On 'one occassion, he
says:
"T. resolve, therefore, to be more cir
cumspect ; to hoard my moments with a
more thrifty spirit ; to listen to the sug
gestions of industry, and so quicken that
spirit of intellectual mprovement to which
I devote my life."
It will do no young. man the least
harm to ponder well the lesson to be learn
ed from these eloquent confessions.
The Tragedy of Life.
Every one'who mixes with the world
cannot but be convinced,by facts that come
within his knowledge, that life is a mon-
strous disappointment, and death the on
ly portal to peace. There is not a day
passes in which virtue does not sell itself
for bread, in which the good are not per
secuted, and the weak trampled upon.—
Tragedies, as real as an history of fiction
ever pointed, are being played every day ;
and faces you admire mask with smiles
au inward torture worse than the agony
of the rack. Who has realized the fid
fillment of his early hopes ? Whose life
has not its mortifications, its bitter con.
oealment,. its studied evasions, poignant
humiliation, its wild uneasiness, its wrest-
Hugs and defeat ? But we do not repre
sent life.. We represent the fairest por
tions and the highest level of it. Beneath
us is the great mass of humanity, and tiny
writhe, and moan and weep, they toil and
starve, and curse and fight, and die. The
world goes roiling on as heedless of those
who fall as the gale of autumn is heed
less of the leaves stripped from the trees,
the branches wrenched away, or the
flowers which perish by its breath.
KEEP OCT I.+Enr.-Half the perplexity,
annnoyance and trouble that men have
in the world is in consequence of getting
in debt. It seems to be natural for some
people to buy, and incur obligations with
out measure, so long as they can avoid
paying ready cash. Give one of the sort
a chance to buy on credit, and the ques
tions of payment am matters that he cares
but little about. But, what a crop of
trouble springs up from the seed of debt
How many gray hairs it brings, and how
often it shortens life, sometimes leading
men to commit suicide or murder. And
yet how easy it is to keep clear of this
terrible monster. Every young M a
should form a fixed and unalterable de
termination, before commencing his active
business career, not to incur one penny of
indebtedness, under any circumstances.—
Never bby anything without you have
the money to pay for it at once. Pay no
attention to 'splendid opportunities,' bar
gains,' and the like. Such are only traps
set to catch victims. If you see anything
that you would like to possess, look first
at your money pile and make the answer
depend upon that. Always pay as you
go. If you are short of money, guage
your demands accordingly.
It is often said that if Aaron Burr had
been convicted and punished for trea
son, we should have had no John C. Cal
houn nullification. If President Jackson
had put in execution his threat to try
John C. Calhoun, and bung him if fbund
guilty, we should have had Jeff. Davis
secession. One concession bred another
—one fitilure to punish encouraged a re
newal of the offense. In general, pardon
for notorious, premeditated crimea paves
the way for others, until all fear of pun
ishment is lost. If even the office-hold
inn• disability of two hundred rebel ring
lehers is removed, and they go forth
without a feather's weight of punishment
for their catalogue of woes, caused for an
evil purpose, what is there to deter any
number of rebellions for years and years
to come ?
Virtue and happiness are mother and
daughter.
Wise men make more opportunities than
they find. • •
A. Tale of Pantolooms.
A Davenport legal gentleman went out
one evening last week to have a quiet
game of billiards. He stuck to his cue
for several faithful hours, convivialized'
with his friends still longer and then went
hi - Or •- rest he -
alter Scott
.come. Jn retiring rest he WLIS most
singularly uneasy and tossed about f o r
some time without dropping into that
peaceful slumber we usually derive from
a Clear conscience. His lady was annoy- ,
ed and complained kindly. It was no IN
owever, somet ling drove sleep from his
eyelids. • At this juncture his lady was ta
ken suddenly ill (how fortunate he was
awake I) And he was appealed to hasten '
off to the nearest drug store in quest of a
restorative. B e , hastily attired himself,
double quicked down the street, rushed
into a store, obtained the article so urgent
ty—required;and—produced—h is—pocket
book. Great Cesar ! What had trans
pired ? He had never scan that wallet be
fore ; and the pants they were not his
own. Could it be possible he was in his
right mind ? Was it not rather all a dis
tempered dream ? He resolved to see, and
Without stepping to take the remedy with
him, he rushed back to the wife of his bo
som. He did not flourish a revolver, he
did not smash furniture, he did not strike
attitudes like a gladiator—he simply took
- partin the followingconversation :
"Jane ?"
"Yes, dear."
"How are you feeling ?"
"Better. Much better. I think a good
sleep is alt I need. How kind of you to
go to so much trouble ?"
"Very kind, wasn't it ?"
"Very kind, honey."
"Jane, shall I turn on the gas ?"
"If you like, dear."
T-he-g-as-was-turned-on.
"Jane ?"
"Yes, dear."
"Do they look like my pantaloons ?"
"Why, what can you mean, dear ?" "I
mean, do . these resemble the trousers I
wore home this evening ?"
"Why how can I tell dear ?" and Jane
raised up with some reluctance, gave a
quick glance and screamed outright.
"Husband," said she, with some enLar
rassruent ; "you've made a ridiculous mis
take somewhere, while out with your
friends. What in the world have you
been doing tonight?"
"That's rather thin, Jane. We don't
usually take off our pants to play bill
iards. When I went to bed to-night I
laid my proper pantaloons on that there
chair. When I dressed to go out, the pair
I have on first fell in my way. I put them
on. I discovered at the store they were
not mine. I returned at once, and now
I find the pair I left on the chair are miss
ing:'
Jane began to sob, weep, and protest
her innocence, while the husband paced
the floor in deep reflection.
"Jane," at last be said, "I guess you
can go home to your parents to-morrow.
You and I have gotten along very well
for a year or two, but the thing's played."
And down stairs he went with a deaf
ear to the frenzied appeals and prayers she
shOwered after him. An investigation on
the morrow disclosed the fact that the
misteriouly procured pantaloons contain
ed just $3OO more than the pair that had
so mysteriously walked. oft: Jane left on
the first train for 'her Illinois home. A
bill of divorce has been filed, and no one
has called to exchange pantaloons and
pocket-hooks.
THE POOR.—Moore, of the Rural New
Yorker, was sitting in his office one after
noon, some years age, when a farmer friend
came in and said :
"Mr. Moore, I like your paper, but
times are so hard that I cannot pay for
it."
"Is that so, friend Jones ? I'm very sor
ry to hear that you are so poor; if you
are so hard run, I will give you my pa
per."
"Oh, no ! I cannot take it as. a gift."
-Well, then, let's see how we can fix
it. You raise chickens I believe."
"Yes, a few, but they dont bring any
thing hardly."
"Don't they ! neither does my paper
cost anything hardly. Now I have a
proposition to make to you. I will con
tinue your paper, and when you go home
you may select from your lot one chicken
and call her mike. Take good care of her
and bring me the proceeds,whether in eggs,
or chickens, and we will call it square."
"All right, Brother Moore," and the
fellow chuckled at what he thought a
capital bargain. He kept the contract
strictly, and at the end of the year found
that he had paid four prices of his paper.
He often tells the joke himself, and says
he never had the litce to say he was too
poor to take a paper from that day.—
Model Fanner.
A MossTER T.131E-PLEcE.—The large
clock at the English Parlament House is
the largest one in the world. The four
dials of this clock are twenty-two feet in
diameter. Every half minute the point
of the minute hand moves nearly seven
inches. The clock will go eight and a
half days, but it, will only strike for sev
en and a half, thus indicating any neg
lect in winding it up. The mere winding
up of the striking apparatus takes two
hours. The pendulum is fifteen feet long ;
the wheels are of cast-iron ; the hour bell
is eight feet high, and nine feet in diame
ter, weighing nearly fifteen tons, and the
hammer alone weighs more than four hun
dred pounds.
In battle or business, whatever the
game, in law or in love it is ever the same;
in the struggle for power, or scramble thr
pelf, let this be your motto; 'Rely on
yourself:" For whether the prize be a rib
bon or throne, the - victor is lie who can
"go it alone."
$2,00 PER YEAR
dUtlitioPt4lli
Wait au it PURIM
Ny
7 1 rhen is a 3r enter like eireunistan,
ces? When he lters cases.
When
Why
vivial d
horn to
man in a veston, whose hennery
has been robbed of five Brahmas, requests
the thief to "call and take away the roos
ter, as he is very lonely, and no questions
will be asked."
"Ah, ladies, "said an old bon vivant, as
he opened a ttle of wine, "what is more
delightful than the popping of a cham-
pane poppinedrtlie ques
tion !" unanimously cried the Liciies.
An lowan, going to a friend to get him
to write a notice of his wife's desertion,
the latter wrote, "My wife having left my
bed and board—" when the husband ex
claimed, "Stop! stop ! There's the trouble_
She didn't leave my bed, but carried it
with her."
— A — very genteel and amiable young man
is now insane. He splits his hair in the
middle. The other day in combing it he
chanced to get two more hail's on one
side than on the other. This destroyed
the balance of the head and overturned
his brain. He makes a very gentle luna
tic, however.
A Cincinnati youth, guided by the ad
vice of a fortune-teller, sought
_to ,make
girtlov_e_him_by_means-ofeleetricity_ work
ing from - under a chair. - "When the time
came she sprang into the air about three
feet, and when she came down she lauded
in her lover's_ hair and took about two
handfulls and told him she hated him.—
No match.
A strong-minded woman in Detroit
made the following gentle reply to a Pol
itician who had called at her house to get
her husband to go the polls and vote :
"No, sir! he can't go!! He's washing now,
and he's got to iron to-morrow, and he
wasn't doing anything he couldn't go. I
run this 'ere house, I do, and if any one
votes it'll ho this same Mary. Jane."
Abernathy, the celebrated, surgeon find
ing a largo lot of paring-stones opposite
his door, on his returning home one after
noon in his carriage, swore hastily to the
paver, and desired him to remove them.
• 'Where shall I take them to?" asked the
Hibernian. "To Hell!" cried the choler
ic surgeon. Pat leaned on his rammer,
and then, looking up iu his .lute, said,
with an arch smile : "Hadn't I better take
them to Heaven ?" Sure they'd be more
out of your Honor's way." ,
Not long•ago two boys were loafing. a
round one of the traveling minstrel tofts.
in Quincy, 111.., trying to get in. := I.litfif.
one of them went up to the door' :fieri.
and by signs, made him believe t '#se
it le
was deaf and dumb, so the door See Per,,
let him go in. The other, seeing the welt : ,
cess of his partner, went up and madeAlW.
same signs. ' "What ?" says the made.
"are you deaf and dumb, t 40":
"Yes," said the forgetful lad. Then tus.3.
he received a taste of sole leather, * re
membered his.part.,
THANK Gory.—=At the close of the Rev
olution, George HI, desired his Chaplain
to return thanks to God.
The Chaplain replied "Sire, do you
want me to thank God that you lost so
many troops?'
• "Do you wish to thank God. because
you have lost so many millions sterling ?'
"No r
"Do youovant to thank God because
you have lost thirteen of your best colo
nies?'
"No!'
"Then what do you Want to thank God
for!'
"I want to thank God because it is no
worse !"
How easy it is to condemn the faults
of others,and how great the temptation to
do so ! Yet there exists not the man, or
woman who has the right to judge their
fellow being. It is said of. Peter., the
Great that, when any one spoke ill &an
other in his presence, he would say, "Is
there not a fair side also to the character
of the person of whom 'you have been
speaking? Come, tell what good quali
ties you have remarked about him." If
all the world would walk in the steps of
this man there would he less unkind crit
icism and harsh remarks about our neigh
bors and friends. If each would feel o
blidged to speak of his own fault first,
perhaps the faults of others would seem
so trifling in comparison that each would
feel that the wisest plan was to keep si
lent.
Joe. Hardon, a desperado less than
twenty-one years of age, hut who has the
!Aoodiest history ofany man of his age in
Texas has been arrested by the sheriff of
Cherokee county. He is reported t o
have killed twenty-four men in Texas
and four in Kansas, making twenty
-eight, since he was fifteen years old.--
His fiither is a Methodist preacher of b
standing.
The baby oyAer is not much bi27.er
than a fair sized pin's head at the end of
a fortniolit, and at three months only
the size of a split pea. In a year be will
become as largo as an ordinary penny,
and at the end of four years growth lie is
fit for the market.
••
LI of con
e offers a