The Waynesboro' village record. (Waynesboro', Pa.) 1871-1900, August 01, 1872, Image 1

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VOLUME 25.
eft tVottrg.
TWINKLING STAB.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!"
" 'Tis a sun far, far away,
Givikg light to worlds all day."
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star !"
Were I in a railroad ear,
Riding straight up to the moon,
Would I get there pretty soon?"
"Why, three hundred tedious days
'Would go by ere you could gaze
On the pioon-man's shining face,
,Or his dreary valleys trace,"
should onward go,
.Thirty miles au hour or so;
To the „golden,fiqzzling sun, .
How soon would IJo it come?"
"Years Itwould take three•fif-two,
Whirling through tLe heavens blue,
• s_u
-
To • let passengers alight,'
"'Twinkle, twinkle, lithe star;
But if I went where .you are,
1 - 1 - awantreh - farther-must 7 l-rid -
Through the universe so. wide!
"Many million years you,'d be
Traveling ere you'd come to me;
Then the next bright twinkling star
Would be full three times as far."
"Oh! it takes my breatkaway,
Little star ! 0 twinkling star !
I will-play they're angels-eyes-
Peepipg at me from the skies."
atliiirellaurops 'Sradinff.
WHY HE DIDN'T.
"But, Judge, you never told .me why
you did not marry 11Eiss Van Horn. We
all thought that matter was_ settled, but
suddenly we were surprised by the news
that you had married a stranger in the
city, and Helen Van Horn was left dis—
consolate. I wonder what has become of
bier; she must have married well, howev
er, she bad a fine chance to choose, for
there was scarcely a good match in the
city that was not at her command at one
time."
"Yes, yes," answered the gentleman ad
dressed—Judge Hume, a distinguished,
handsome, intelligent looking man of a
bout forty-five years of age; a successful
kwyer, %rho had some years before been
raised to the judicial bench almost by ac
:clam ation--"no woman could well have
married better than Helen Van Horn.—
"Why I did not marry her is a short, sim
ple'story,
.not without a moral ; and I
'will tell it if you care•to hear it. I have
never told before, even to my wife, lu
dicrous as some of its phases are. 6o take
a segar—you will find it a s good one—and
hear how, possibly, Helen Van Horn is
not Mrs. Hume to-day :
"You knew her father," began the Judge,
."and will remember that he was reported
to be very rich. However, it turned out,
upon his death, and after his debts were
paid, that there was left a mere pittance
tiff Helen, obliging her, the petted child
,of fortune, to live with extreme economy
ever since."
"Do you mean that she has never mar
ried ?" asked his guest.
"Married !" repeated Hume ; "no in
deed ! .And in that may be seen. the
moral of my story to which I referred.—
But do not let us anticipate ; let us be
gin at the beginning.
• "09e evening, going to fulfill an en
„reinent with. Miss Van Horn, as the
tcrvant 'ushered me unannounced into the
parlor, I found her engaged in an anima
ted conversation with a singularly hand
home young man, who, I saw at a glance,
might readily become a fcranidable rival,
and I felt for the instant a sharp pang of
that unammble, disconcerting passion eal
ousy. But as- my entrance had been un
observed I was able to recover myself be
fore'saying; in my blandest manner,`Good
evening.” The gentleman started, and
stiffly retnrned my bow. As for Helen,
.with suffused cheeks she said, "Why Mr.
Hume, I did not hearyou at all ; you are
absolutely as gentle as a lamb,'
ornewhat, angry'at her satirical tone,
I observed that she was engaged in con
:yersation and probably. did not hear me
enter, and added that I had called to at
tend her to the gallery to see the picture
she was anxious about.
"But really, Mr. Htime," she said some-
what confusedly, looking from the stran
ger to me, "I had entirely forgotten all
about it, and so promised • Mr. Churchill
here to accompany him to see 'Richelieu'
to-night."
"I glanced toward the stranger and he
returned the .:lance with a slight frown
on his face. I%liss Van Horn continued,
"But oh ! I beg your pardon, gentlemen,
I had forgotten you were not acquainted
with each other. Mr. Hume, this is my
friend, Mr. Churchill, of Richmond,' and
she carelessly fell back into the chair,
from which she had half risen for t4elo
-
"I am sorry Miss Van Horn has so
treacherous a memory; but I hope, Mr.
Churchill—with your approval—can be
prevailed upon to defer his engagement,
Tor I assure you the picture is a rare gem,
and well worth seeing." I persisted in
this, because I had become slightly roused
by the indolent way of receiving the ho—
mage paid her, and there seemed to be a
gleam of triumph in.the face of my rival.
"The young man looked at me gravely,
then silently turned to Miss Van Horn
for some expression of her wishes. He was
evidently very much displeased at my
interruption of their little Mete a tete, and
was sufficiently , interested'in the lady to
be seziously ruffled by my seeming rival
ry ; he was not altogether_ pleased with
the fact that she seemed as careless with.
respect to her engagements, which did .not
accord with his standard of women. He
was a Well educated, comely young man
t of good fortune, accustomed to be well re,
caved by women. and yet—as he after—
ward told me—he could not help for the
moment some apprehension that the lady's
choice for the evening might go against
him, for you know I was called quite a
lady's man in those days.
"As for Miss Van Horn, she sat, mean
while, demurely toying with a large tas
sel suspended from the arm of her easy
chair for a moment as if in deliberation,
then exclainied : "Really, I am sure it
inustbOverrivrono•in me to be so thought
less, is it not ?", Here a captivating smile
illumined hetheautifur features and par
her bewitching lips, r just discovering
Als,
the pearly teeth bene p ath them, and she
added, "Will you not settle the question,
zentlenien,hetween_ynurselvesYr
"The matter must be arranged in some
way, and as I was the most intimate friend
of the family, and my rival a c,ompara
tive stranger, I was about to mo.gnani
monsly withdraw my pretension and leave
the deld, when, suddenly,there was—a
loud ring at the front door, and Mis Van
H-Prn started to her feet with the excla
mation : "Ah ! that must be Dr. DeStul
tus ! what an unfortunate, thoughtles girl
I gm, for I do belive I am engaged to go
to the opera with him to-night!"
"That quickly settled the question in
dispute between Mr. Churchill and my
-self;and-with-a-common_impnlse_w_eJloth
rose to our feet, smiled ataCli - dther pleas=
antly, and with merely a hurried "good
evening" to Miss Van Horn, J stooped
for my hat which had fallen from hand
in my surprise, and struck my head a
gainst the. corner of the piano ' • Mr.
Churchill rushed into the hall, almost
upsetting the diminutive Dr. Stultus whom
he met, the very picture of effeminacy
and ultrg.-foppishness.
"Descending to the sidewalk where the
brilliant equipage of Dr. Stultus met our
view, we
.both simultaneously burst• into
a laugh that seemed to break the ice be
tween us, for we walked off together for
several squares. As I complained of a
severe pain in ray eyes from the blow I
had received,my companion said. "I hope,
Mr. Hume, you will pardon my recent
rude persistence in my fancied engage
ment with your fair acquaintance, and let
us be good friends out of sympathy , for
the denournent. As we are here at my
hotel, let us enter and drink to the good
fortune.of Mr. DeStultus." ,
"I gladly accepted the invitation and
we were engaged In a pleasant conversa
tion when a loud noise was heard in the
street mingled with the cry of a woman
in distress.
"Suddenly starting. to our feet we rush
ed forth to render. asistance. The first
object that met our. i sight was Helen Van
Horn covered with mud, but happily
more frightened than hurt. Dr. Stultus
was also in a wretched plight, but too
much engrossed, as thight be expected
from such a creature, with his own mis-•
haps to give the least attention to his as-,
sociate in misfortune, whom he left to
struggle to her feet unaided, and to make
her way to the sidewalk where her recent
visitors met her, and where she hysterical
ly explained how a huge truck. against
which De Stultus' carriage had been care
lessly driven, had left them stranded in
the muddy street, fortunately and marvel
ously, however, without broken bones.
"Churchill called a carriage and we es
corted:the wrecked demoiele back to her
residence, at the door of which we con
gratulated her upon her lucky escape, and
bid her 'good night.'
"My new friend then proposed that we
should. drive at Once to the opera, whew
he hoped' we might meet a party of his
friends, to whom he would be pleased to
introduce me, and in whose 'society we
would - find surcrease for our disappoint
nients in regard to „Miss Van Horn.
assented. Churchill's friends were met as
he had promised, and among them were
two beautiful sisters, so attractive that
they speedily drove all thoughts of a mere
ly handsome girl, superficial and spoiled,
like Helen Van Horn, out of the head of
Churchill as well as my own. A charm
ing evening at the opera ripened into a
serious attachment on the part of Church
ill and myself for these sisters, which end
ed in our marriage, and no one ever had
jester reason for saying,
`There's a divinity that shapes our ends,
Rough hew them how we will,'
than I have! And now you know why I
did not marry Miss Van Horn, and also
bow .two men, for a moment about to be
made enemies through the reckless, un
scrupuloui coquetry of aninferior, eart
less woman, by a happy stroke of fortune
became-friends and brothers.
"As for Helen Van liOrn, she still lives
in single blessedness, and upon the mem
ory of her many conqats, finding her
chief gratification, for some years past, in
recounting the various eligible offers she
had refused, including always Churhill
and myself among her rejected suitors. A.
heavy speculation into which Dr. Stultus
had been beguiled about the time of Miss
Yall Horn's triple engagements for the
same evening, resulted so disastrously for•
him tbat her doors xvere at once rigidly
closed upon that admirer, who disappear
ed like a quenched meteor from society.
Meduyhild - dccuyred the death of oh
P:110/11/6•0" 441 , 1' it>iv -. );/11 . 4 ).!/-;?ffb 0 Ale) 4>o 111# 01 A 1 0 > i f ;ifl4 kill ;A )0 #KkrilIVA PACO *it -3 4 ;-/A PW Avi,-8r,4
__WA.YNESRORO 9 I _IILiNKIJN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, AUGUST 1,1872.
Van Horn, which, as I have said, left the
daughter no other attraction, than mere
physical beauty, that had now' become so
wed that it ceased to please marriageable
- men, and she was no longer able to make
three engagements for one evening.
''tier's him indeed been aJife of lost op
portunities,"
Co-Education of the Sexes.
'The co-education of the sexes is a char
acteristic feature of our common school
system, in contradistinction of the Euro
pean system of national schools. Every
whet° in. the United States, except in a
few of the large cities, the boys and girls
are educated together in the public schools.
What is the result? Are we ready to ad
mit that in France, where the• boys and
girls are educated apart, the standard of
morality is higher than with . us ? Are
wives and daughters purer ? Is woman
more respected there than with us ? We
are no believer either in celibacy of the
clergy or. the separate education of the
sexes. We were born and bred in .that
benighted corner of the Union where
common schools were first established,
where they have since been nurtured and
sustained, and where) men and women
have been 'taught to think for themselves.
Our pleasantest memories of school days
are assocated - Witlithe bright-eyed-little
girls who came to school on summer
Anornings r bringing-Mavers-and=pe
nies in their hands. We loved some of
these pretty girls with the fulness of our
boyish feelings. We have never forgot
ten theffi. N obody ever informed us that
it was dangerous to play with them, to
- ramble with - them-round-the-pastures-af--.
ter flowers and strawberries. No impure
thought ever sullied our affection for them,'
for no moral reformer had poisoned our
mind with the notion that the boys and
girls are intimately vicious. Bare-footed
fanner boys were all of us, with tanned
faces and hands used to toil ; and farmers'
girls—xed-cheeked and bare-footed too,
and dressed_in_homespun- tight us our
firsch of faithllT--
Arstlessm faith - hr - the — purity - and-nOI-T1
bleness of . womanhood. They were our
best, teachers. They made the old school
house pleasant with the sunlight of their
face, and merry with their ringing laugh
ter. They softened our rpugh natures.
We chose the girls we liked best at the
spelling snatches, and never the worse for
it. We hauled thegirls on sleds in win
ter time, and slid on the ice together, and
none of us ever thought of evil. Some of
us even fell in love, and had dim notions,
in sentimental moments, that away to the
future we should marry some of these fa
vorite girls; but the fancies were never
realized, and they never did us any harm.
School-master and school-Mistress were a
like thrgotten : the old school house is in
ruins. Two of the boys who sat in the
school with vs, after `life's fitful fever,' rest
in peace in California, where they found
graves instead of gold. We turn in vain
longings to the home-scenes which we nev
er expect to revisit. The girls are all mar
ried; our hair is turning gray ;-but we
look back upon the past and feel devoutly
thankful that our fathers and mothers and
teachers had common sense enough to be
lieve in letting boys and girls go to school
together.'
A Curious Argument.
One of the old Fathers presents a cu
rious argument in favor of the doctriu.e
of the Trinity, running thus :
."The whole universe is modled upon
and manifestly proves the Divine Trinity.
Every great thing is true. Of intelligent
beings there are three orders, God, spirits,
and man. There are three abodes,heaven,
earth, and hell. The heavenly bodies are
of three classes, sun, moon, and stars.—
There are three elements,, earth, water,
and air. Man is triune in almost every
respect. He is conposed of body, soul,
and. spirit. His body consists of head,
trunk, and limbs. Each limb has three
members, upper arm,• lower arm, and
hand; thigh, leg, and foot; and each limb
has three joints. In his face are three
features of sense, eyes nose and mouth;
and three other features, fbrehead, cheek,
and chin. His body consists of three'
parts, -bones, flesh, and skin ; and the
very cornering of his body is three-fold,
hair s skin, and nails. Every tree and
herb is three-lbld, roots, trunks, and bran
ches ; is made of three parts, ark, wood,
and sap; and produces three manner of
things, leaves, flowers . , and fruit. Liv
ing creatures are of three kinds, beasts,
birds, and fishes ; they move in three
ways, walking, swimming, flying ; and
are of three orders of subsistence,
carni
vorous, herbivorous, omnivorous. We can
not even think in an orderly manner with
out acknowledging the Trinity, for every
fit discourse consists of three parts,the ex
ordium, the argument, the peroration.—
There are three chases of savors, sweet,
sour, and bitter. Actions are of three
classes, good, bad, and indiilbrent, And
so on throughout all the universe. God
bath indeed everywhere written the proofs
of the Divine Trinity that he must be fool
or knave who denies it. Let him be an
athema maranatha!"
While we do not advance this .as a va
lid argument, it is certainly curious. We
do not believe that a similar array of co
incidence could be brought in respect to
any other number than three,—Harper's
!Afonthly.
The Spaniard 4 du not pay hyperboli
cal compliments; but one of their admir
ed writers, speaking of a lady's black
eyes, says "they were in mourning for
the murders they had committed."
Themore earnestly you cxheirt your
confident to secrecy, the nave likely he
is
To tell.
To forbid Christians to read the Bible i s
to interdict light to the children of light,
Whom Great Men Marry.
Robert Burns married a farm-girl, with
whom he fell in love while they worked
together in the plough-field. He was ir
regular in his life,and committed the most
serious mistakes in conducting his domes
tic affairs.
Milton married the daughter of a coun
try squire, but lived with her but a short
time. He was an austere, exacting liter
al recluse, while she was a rosy, romping
country lass that could not endure the
restraint imposed uponher, so they sep
arated. Subsequently, however,
she re—
turned, and they lived tolerably happy.
Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were
cousins, and about the only example in
the long line of English monarchy where
in the martial vows were sacredly observ
ed and sincere affection existed.
Shakespeare loved and wedded a far'-
mer's daughter. She was faithful to her
vows, but we could hardly say the same
of, the great bard himself. Like most of
the great poets, he showed too little dis
crimination in bestowing his affections on
the other sex.
Byron married Miss Millbank to get
money to pay his debts. It turned out
a bad shift.
Washington married a woman with two
children. It is enough to say that she
was - worthy - of - him,-and-they-lived-as
married folks should—in perfect harmo-
J •
John Adams married the daughter of
a Presbyterian clergyman. Her father
objected on account of John's .being a
lawyer ; he had a bad opinion of the
morals of the profession.
' John-Howard,_the_great
_lllanthro,
ist, married his nurse. She was -altogether
beneath him in social life and intellectual
capacity, and besides this, was fifty-two
years old, while he was but twenty-five.—
He would not take "No" for an answer,
and they were raarriedand lived happy
together until she died, which occured two
years afterwards.
Peter the Great of Russia, married a
- peasant=girl. — She-made an-exce
and a sagacious Empress.
Humboldt married a poor girl because
he loved her. Of course they were happy.
It is not generally known that Andrew
Jackson married a lady whose husband
was still living. She was an uneducated
but amiable woman, and was most devo
tedly attached to the old warrior and
statesman.
John C. Calhoun married his cousin,
and their children, fortunately, were nei
ther diseased or idiotic, but they did not
evince the talent of the great "S tat e
Rights" advocate.
A Money Match.
A recent letter from Boston tells this
sad story : "A funeral posession passed
by yesterday. A young man told me a
story that I think has a peculiar sadness
about' it. At Saratoga last season, at
one of the largest balls, was a young lady
with the most charming and facinating
manners and graces. Her toilet was e
qually as pleasing. She was the belle of
the ball—an honor accorded her without
dissent. Her attendant during the even
ing was a young man dressed almost gau
dily, and bearing himself with all the dis
tasteful self-conceit of a brainless million
aire. - He was the son of a Boston leather
dealer. He met the lady at Saratoga for
the first time last seast.n, and she, by di
rection of her parents, who were also
wealthy, sand who insisted upon the ar
rangement, became his affianced. Previ
ous to this she had met a young gentle
man, also of Boston, of the utmost re
spectability, of thorough honor and integ
rity, ' but without fortune. To him she
had been something more than a friend
in fact, almost a betrothed. He was
young, had risen by his own stern efforts,
and was, it is said, posessed of sterling
and promising abilities, which in time
must have won him wealth and perhaps
distinction. On the return of the, lady
from- Saratoga last season her engage :
ment prevented her from further inter
course with her first suitor, and he was
dismissed. His grief was pitiful. He
strove not to reverse it by word or ac
tion ; but the very efforts 119 so laborious
ly made exposed the poignancy of his
wounds. The lady lived with her hus
band in the su.berbs of the - city at a large
and costly residence for one month after
marriage. By that time the abuse of the
husband compelled an immediate separa
tion, He was incontinently shipped to
Europe, where he still remains, and the
young wife was left to gradually decline
in health until death ensued ; but not bea
fore she had reproached her parents for
driving her to the alliance which wrought
such early ruin .and blasted such bright
hopes and. expectations. As the funeral
procession passed up a public street, the
first lover, while watching with blanched
cheeks and moist eyes the sad cortege, fell
to the ground while suffering an attack
of hemorrhage of the lungs. He was car
ried into a physician's office near, where
he died before the body of the one he so
tenderly and truly loved was laid in its
last resting place.
GOOD ADVICE4—Speak well of your
neighbors, or do not speak of them at all.
A cross neighbor may be made a kind
one by kind treatment. The true way
to be happy is to make others happy.—
To be good is a luxury. If you are not
wiser and better at the end of the day,
that day is lost. Practice kindness, ev?n
if it be but to spell a word. Do not seem
to be what you are not. Learn to con
trol your temper agd your words.. Say
nothing behind one's back that you would
,not say to ones fncte.
A tigsirable second-hand argole—a
young, ricL and aciiiable womtua,
A Cedar Rapids editor envies the es
sus for embracing 17,000,000 yggien.
LOVES LINDIAEKS.
There's something in the tireless speed
Of years that o'er us fly,
Which, though we give them little heed,
Bring sadness to the eye ;
Their flight so swift, their stay so brief,
Their hast'ning to depart ;
Their checker'd scenes of joy and grief,
• Speak gravely in the heart.
And love's landtharks, gemming thick
Life's deep indented coast,
Though telling loudly of the wreck
Of hopes and treasures lost,
Are aye,#ie brightest spOts,we see,
As downlife.',o course we move—
The gala-days of memory,
Or festivals of love.
Our birth-days-though like monuments
They stand, to tell how fast •
The scanty sands of life are spent, •
Still ebbing to the last ; .
Our birth-clays—howiwith greatful glee
We welcome in trick morn, ; '
As if we held in simple fee
The hopes that then are born.
Our birth-days—chroniclers of Time;
To warn us of his flight ;
In childhood, youth, or manly prime,
T ose ays are a ways • rig ;
Then memor comes to visit love,
Then love with fancy plays,
And all the affections join to prove
Those days the best of days.
In Prison but in Luck.
__The Jackson (Mich.) Citizen prints the
o owing :
Henry Miller, a drover, was sent to
State Prison by to Recorder's Court at
Detroit, in Febrary, 1870, for Grand
larceny, for a term of three years. Miller
says he housed his cattle one night on a
farm in Wayne county, and the next
morning his men drove an animal into
Ike cars with his herd that did not belong
to - hiniT — He - sold - itTand - was - arresti
ed, and convicted as stated above.
He had a father who was a millionaire
living in Albany county, N. Y., but at
his trial he neither applied for assistance,
nor allowed him to be informed of What
was occurring. He had a cousin with
him, Charles Parker by name, from whom
he exacted a promise never to write' o
him cf to inform his relatives "of his
whereabouts.
Mr. Parker has faithfully kept the lat
ter,portiou of his promise, as was evinced
by a letter which .Mr. Miller received
from him a few days ago. From this,
which we have been permitted to see, it
appears that Miller had sent his cattle to
his father at Buffalo, and this was the
last indication received by his friends
to show that he was- living since his con
viction; •He was literally dead in the
outside world.
His father became alarmed at his long
absense, and set out to hunt him up. He
traveled all over the world, says the let
ter, and finally heard that his son was in
California, took Parker with him and
went there. Of course he was unsuccess
ful, and returned home to die of a broken
heart. Parker kept his secret faithfully
and the old man died mourning for his
lost son without a word of comfort or as
surance to cheer him. He left all his
property, some $900,000 in real estate and
personal effects, and $BO,OOO on deposited
in a bank, to his son, who by this letter,
for the first time since his iucarseration,
hears from his friends at home. Young
Parker writes from Coopersville,this State
where he is stopping a few weeks on bus
iness. He will probably pay his cousin
a visit before returning to New York.—
Miller's time will expire in August, un
less he loses a portion of his "good time."
CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE.—The Lon
don Globe publishes a statement which
is an illustration of the danger of relying
upon circumstantial .evidence, even when
it !approaches positiveness. A gentle
man went to the British Museum with a
case opened, containing some valuable
medals, for his inspection. He examined
a particular medal, which was supposed
to be unique, restored it to the tray, tnd
after talking some time with the custo
dian, were about, to leave, when the lat
ter discovered that the medal was missing
It was searched for everywhere, and
could not be found, when it was suggest
ed that the pockets of the visitor should
be examined. 'Io this lie objected, and a
policeman was sent for. • However, before
he arrived, the medal was found to have
slipped between the tray and the bottom
of the case. When asked why he refus
ed to be searched; the supposed culprit
produced a. medal from his pocket, the
exact counterpart of that which was in
the case, remarked that his object had
been to verity the authenticity of his own
which being identical with the missing
one and discovered in his pocket, would
at once have convicted him of the theft.
A POLITICAL RQUANCE.—This is the
way in which Prof, Fawcett, the famous
blind liberal member of the British Par
liament, became acquainted with his wife.
lie was at a social gathering on the even
ing of the day when the telegram announc
ed the death of President Lincoln, and
heard from a girl of eighteen the excla
maticn, "It would have been less loss to
the world if every crowned head of Eu
rope had fallen !" He 'asked to be intro
duced to this girl, who has been his wife
for five 'years, and is the most popular
speaker and woman in England.
A Detroit woman struck by 'lightning
yelled "police T." ,
Nothing more unbecomea a heavenly
hope than an earthly heart,
Water drinkers are nQvcr drunk
COINCIDENCE.—Newspaper workers run
on "Coincidences" lately—for instance.—
An Orange county (N. Y.) man cut off
his forefinger with an axe recently. What
makes this accident a curious one,' says
the local paper, "is that his father met
with precisely the same accident when
about the same age." It is wonderful how
accidents run in some families—how they
are hereditary, as it were. We once
. ewa_nuulwho_kno_cked his head a—
gainst a door, and that man's son was
ever afflicted with trouble of the head.—
He was continually running it against
some other boy's fist, and the amount of
court-plaster which was used• on the scalp,
the number of keys which were put down
his:back to stop the flow of blood from
his nose, and the quantities of oysters
which were applied to his eyes to . reduce
the swelling, were appalling to contem
plate. We also knew another family, in
which accidents were hereditary. A lady
gave ' birth to a female child when she
was fifteen years seven months and nine
days old, and that female child was affio
ted in the same way at about the same
age—the only difference of account in
this singular coincidence being that the
child this time was a boy, so that - the ac
cident can't very well be repeated.
CATcniNG A TARTAR.—The Lock
(N. Y.) Jaarnal says :
_Diart,in_his_perara_b_ulatis
port, very naturally dropped into one of
the billiard halls of the city. While
watching a pocket game and quietly smok
ing his cigar, he was accosted by a pom
pous individual with-the invitation, "Take
a hand ? bet you five to one on .a carom
, :ame_of_five hundred points." "Don't
if Idi blandly vhcr.
care i. .do," says Dion, blandly, whose
name and station were entirely.,:unknown'
to the profferer of the invitation. The
money was staked, coats pulled off, and
the game commenced. Certain persons
who had been let into the secret by the
knowing ones had spread the news abroad
on the streets, and quite a crowd had got
:together around -the-table, stretching their
necks to See thefinale of the game. - Dion
took the cue like a prince, and, with a
smile ofmingled disdain and satisfaction
on his lip, ran up, without saying a word
542 points ! Had his cue not proved de.
fective, his friends say he could have
made ,1000 easily. It is needless to say
his opponent "wilted, and has not been
seen in those parts since.
A SHORT Smrox—Here is a lait'of
philosophy worth reading. It is an ex—
posure of a very common delusion. It is
a good rendering of an old idea :
"Two things ought to be strongly im
pressed upon young people of our country.
The insecurity of riches, even when ac
quired, and the unsatisfying character.—
There is no fallacy se universally cherish
ed as the notion that wealth is surely a
means of happiness. The care. of a large
property is one of the most burdensome of
earth's trusts. The only •material good
that comes from an estate is to be made
out of a moderate income far more easily
than a large one, and with fewer attend
ant disadvantages. Few thoughtful men'
would undergo tLe entire stewardship of
a large estate on a positive bargain that
they should receive no more for taking
care of it than ordinarily falls into the
lap of the owner. The scramble for wealth
is due to a wrong estimate 'of good when
it is gained."
Rev. Mr. Dye, of Fairfield county, Conn.,
was traveling through Western • Ohio,
mounted on a tall, lank, raw-boned ani
mal (a good frame to build a horse on,)
when he came to the junction of two roads.
and not knowing which might lead him
to his. destinatior, asked a ragged, dirty
looking urchin, Uhich of the two roads
would lead him to W . The boy,
in a rough anil uncouth manner, said,—
"Who are you, ,old fellow?" Mr. Dye,
being greatly astonished at the child's
incivility, replied,—"My son, I am a fo.-
lower of the Lord." "A follower of the
Lord, ell ? Well, it makes mighty little
difFerence which road you take, you'll
never catch him,with that boss."
A wife in Davenport, lowa,who wouldn't
endure her drunken and abusive hus—
band any longer, took advantage of his
absence one day to sell out their house—
hold goods and disappear with the pro—
ceeds. The only article of household
goods which she took along with her was
the young
. man who did the "chores" a
round their little farm. She said she
wanted something to remind het of her
old home.
• An original idea was lately started in
Hamilton, Ohio, where a fee of twenty
five cents was collected from all persons
who entered the church to witness a wed
ding. The money 'was given to the
young people to start them in Ilre.
It is only through woe we are taught
to reflect, and we gather the honey world
ly wisdom, not from flowers, but thorns.
Sighs are the portion of the heart on
In
earth : praise will be the language of
heaven. ,
False virtue is a sail that hides from us
our sins.
True hope isYnot deceitful. The just,
sooner or later.tritunpli over the unjust.
, A few vices will often obscure malty
virtue's.
Honey bees are winged xnerehartts—
they cell their honey.
Work is the weapon of honor.
A full purse never lacks friends.
It is Intter to be.,born lucky than rich
"Mit any Xttmor.
What object obtains the most smiles
from a lady? Ans. The looking glass.
What has the most 'followers and few
est opposers ? Ans. The fashion.
Why is a wise man like a mirror. Ans.
Because the both reflect.
A young lady recently discharged her
boy r because he told her the wind shifted,
What is that which flies high, lies low,
has no feet, and yet wears• shoes? - Ans.
Dust.
'The man who never alters his opinion
is like standing water, and breeds reptiblip
in the mind.
`Dod
't tike too much interest in the af
fairs of your neighbors. Six per cent. will
do.
A man out west is so great a miser that
he uses only one eye at a time to save
the other.
- -
Things are queerly connected. A late
statiscian says if all our old maids should
arry,_the _manufacturers of single bed
steads would he utterly 'ruined.
A man out West who has bed .divore-:
ed from his ninth wife, is . recoitkniended.
.to try a cast-iron female angel the next'
...
time. •
ns about Lock-
• .
.
P °. The'folloliing congratulatory telegram
vas ktely received by , a wedding pair :
Tongratulation - s - on — yoift nuptials.—May
v our future troubles be only little ones."
A brick fell from a scaffold en the head
of a passing negro. "Fling dim ere pea
nut shells anbder way up dere, won't yet'?"
was the reply.
"That's Tery singular,": said a _young -
lay to a gentleman who had justkissed
her. "Oh, well, my dear Miss," he con—
siderately responded, 'I can make it plu
ral."
A writer asks, in an agrieultural;paper,
if any one can inform a poor •-mau the
way to start a little nursery.:- Certainly;
get marries].
a man is seen going 'towards a
creek or river'with a NET, the sUpposition..
is that he is going "fishing for a purpose;" . '
so, when a young widower pays his re
spects to, and gallants tuoung lady, it
to be supposed he meaus'F'business." The.
two cases are synonymous: •
Little Nellie asked one day, very ab—
ruptly, for some bread and butter. Her
father asked her if she could not ask'pret
tier than that, upon which she folded her
hands piously and said,—"Please give me
some bread and butter for Christ's sake."
, robbers having broke into a gel;l 7
iliMan's house, went to the bed of the
'vent, and told him if he moved he was it'
dead man. "That's a lie," said he for if
move I'm sure that I'm alive."
"Can you tell me Billy, how it is,that
the rcoster always keeps his feathers so
smoothe?"- Air.(...;::
"No!" ' --;,- ''F1 3 ;V,47,"
"He always carrieS, "rt v ~.
• - ''',..- TiV'' r
The mother of an unmankgetitqe , : 74,
boy thus excused him to theliolieg: , ---
"Sure, Patsy isn't a bad boYat but.: r
he's only troubled with a rush amind to::
the brain:" . •
A Terre Haute, Ind., paper speaks
thus : "This is the bountiful year. The
small fruit crop is immense, the wheat
crop is huge; the oat crop is promising,
and the baby crop is unparalleled."
A Kalamazoo judge fined a reporter
for appearing within the bar in his shirt
sleeves. The reporter, however, proVed
to the satisfaction of the.eourt that he
had no coat, and the fine was remitted.
It is a common trick of one of the prin
cipal American Conjurors to make his
wife suddenly disappear before the eyes of
the spectators. If he could teach to oth
ers husbands this trick of making wives
vanish, he would have a fair opening for
a fortune.
A BIELTING OCCASION.—A Dutchman,
the -other day, reading an account of a
meeting, came to the words, 'The meeting
then-dissolved.' He could not define the
the meaning of the last word, so he look
ed in his dictionary, and felt satisfied. In
a few minutes a friend came in, when the
Dutchman said, "Dey must have very
hot welder dere ; I ret an agount of a
meeting vero all de peoples melted avay.'
Say what you have a mind to about.
mules, they will have their own way when
they make up their Mind to. In Louis
ville, the other day, one of them kicked
up behind, and after knocking, a pint of
teeth out of the driver, he laid down in
the shafts and went to sleep \yid' a smile
on his face that was perfectly child-like
and bland.
A quitkeress, jealous °flier husband.,
watched his movements one morning and
actually discovered the till:int kissing and
hugging the servant girl. Broa,dbriin was.
not long in discovering the face a his wile,
as she peeped through the hall open door,,
and rising with all the coolness of a gen,
oral, thus addressed her ; "Betsey thee had,
better quit p . eepiug„ or thee Will cause a,
disturbance la the fat* !"
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