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BY W.
VOLUME 24.
eta poem.
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-____________ , : o v.. • •
BOREN TIES
BY 4,--31ONTOOMERT
The broken ties of happier days,
low often do they seem
To come before our mental gaze,
Like a remembered dream. •
Around us each dissevered chain
In sparkling ruin lies ;
And earthly, hand can ne'er again
Unite those broken ties.
The parent of our youthful home,
The kindred that we loved,
Far from our arms perchance may roam
To desert seas removed.
We have watched there parting breath,
And closed their weary eyes;
And sighed to think how sadly death
£au sever human ties.
The ftfien4 loved ones of our youth,
They tool re gone or changed,
Or worse than all, there love and truth
Is clarkened.or estranged,
They rnect-us-in-the-glittering - throng, - 1
With cold averted eyes,
tllgt, we CV • fitheir wromt,
i I,v
And mourn our broken ties
Oh who in such a world as this
Could bear their lot of pain ; -
• Did not one radiant hope of bliss
Uncultured yet remain?
That hope the sovereign Lord has given
Who reigns above the skies ;
Traps that unite.; our sonl; is . •••
By--faiths enduriug-tie
Each care each Mot' mortal birth,
Is sent in pitying love,
To lift the lingering heart from earth,
And speed its flight above,
And every pant that rings the breast,
And every joy that dies,
Tells us to seek a purer rest,
And trust to holier ties.
atlimilaueous gradinff.
A BOLD RECEPTION.
It was my first visit North since I had
taken up my abode and entered on the
practice of my profession in New Orleans.
In the city of New York I had a very
dear friend—my old chum and classmate
—George Dickson ; and, as he was the on
ly person in the great metropolis, of course
1 lost no time ill looking him up.
Three years had passed since our last
meeting, but ten could scarcely have pro
duced a change more marked than had ta
ken place in the appearance acrd manner
of my friend.
Our first greeting and friendly inquir
ies over, I longed yet forbore to ask the
cause of my friend's melancholy. I felt
sure, in due time, of being the confident
of his secret, provided that no motive of
delicacy prompted its concealment.
That evening, in my room at the hotel,
George told me his story. He had form
ed an attachment for a young lady, whose
grace of mind and person he portrayed
with all the fervor of a lover'S eloquence.
She had returned his affection, but the fa
ther had opposed his suit, having set his
heart on the marriage of his daughter to
a nephew of his.
This nephew was a young physician of
profligate character, my friend assured
me—hut that may have been prejudice—
who had long but unsuocessfully wooed his
cousin, to whom his "proffers were as re
pugnant as to her father they were accep
table.
Some months since Mr. Parsons—the
young lady's father—had gone South on
business, accompEiuied by his nephew. At
New Orleans he had been seized by sud
den illness, which terminated fatally in
three days.
On the day preceding his death he had
executed a will (which had since been du
ly proved by the deposition of the attest
ing witnesses) containing a solemn request
that his daughter, to whom he had left
the whole estate, should accept the hand
of his nephew in marriage, coupled with
a provision that in case the latter refused
within a specified period to enter into the
proposed union, the entire estate devised
to the daughter should be forfeited to the
nephew. •
To sacrifice her fortune to her heart's
choice would not have cost Julia Parsons
a moment's hesitation, and nothing could
have more delighted George Dickson than
so fair an opportunity of rhowing how sit:-
perior his devotion was to all considera
tion 'of personal advantage. Ent her fa
ther's dying request, in Julia's eyes, was
sacred. It had Surprised and stunned her
it is true, for in their many conferences on
the subject he had never hinted anything
like coercion.
Young Parsons had not the magnani
mity to forego his ungenerous advantage.
He might ..ave been content with his con.
sin's fortune alone, but his right to that
depended on his offer and her rejection of
an aliance which she felt in conscience
bohnd to accept, The brief season of
grace which she I ad been compelled to beg
even with tears, ad already almost pas,
sed, and a few i ore days would witness
the condemnati of two hearts to hope
less misery.
At the conel
tire, in which,
eton of my friend's narra
r reasons that may here-
I f,lt a r2culiar inter-
=MIS
est, I previiled UP= him to accompany
me to a place of amusement to which .1
had previously procured tickets.
When we reached the theatre the per
formance had already begun • but we suc
ceeded in finding seats which commanded
a fair view of the stage and the audience.
• In a few moments George touched my
elbow.
Aserva-theientleman -nearly_oppo,
site, in front of the parquette, seated next
the colum, leaning his arm ou his cane,"
he whispered.
saw the face whose striking resemblance
to one I had seen before caused me to start
with surprise.
"Who is it ?" I asked.
"Eldridge Parsons," was the reply.
"The nephew 'of whom you spoke ?"
"The same," answered my friend.
"Dose he resemble his uncle ?" I was
on the point of enquiring, but just then
the stranger drew the glove from his right
hand; and I saw that the first joint Of the
middle finger was wanting, a Circumstance
which, fur sufficient reasuns, absorbed my
attention. . , • -
"Do you know the exact date of NIL
Parsons death ?" I asked, when we had
gained the streets, at the close of the per-
"Yes," said George ; "irwas - therad - of
December. His daughter received a tel
egram from her cousin announcing the
fact the day. But why do you ask ?"
"_Lhav_e_a leason_which-ina.y-or-ma-y-not
prove a good ones' I returned. Stating
that I had business engagements for the
Nhole--elLthe-next-da.y.,-.T-part
-friend,_-promisin,oo-meet-him-on the 101-1
1
awing evening.
Next afternoon found me in the office
of Dr. Parsons.
"Dr. Parson, I presume ?" were the
-words with which I accosted the gentle
man I had seen at the theatre.
"Yes sir."
‘--YOtr-rwly-rmt - rerrleuber me, Doc or,
but_Lbelieve we_have met before."
"I beg your pardon fox not recollecting
the occasion."
`Yvaiere - i - trNew Orleaus lust - A • . ,
were you not?"
"I was," he-answered-with-embarrass
ment.
"I am the genthuan on whom you cell
ed to draft a n•ill."
Ile turned pale and made no reply.
"I saw the record of thut will in the Sur
rugate °nice this .morning," I resumed;
"You speak of my uncle's will," he hast
ily interrupted.
"And yet," I continued, "you said it
was yours when you applied to have it
written. You presented yourself as desi
rous of executing:such-a document prepar
atory to embarking on a perilous voyage.
The paper was drawn in accordance with
your instructions, leaving the date to be
tilled at the time of signing. Your locks
were gray then, and you certainly looked
old enough to have a marriagelde daugh
ier ; but your disguise w 11.9 not perti2et ;"
and I pointed to the mutilated finger.
"What do you mean ?" he shouted, in
defiant tones, springing to his feet.
"Simply that your uncle's signature to
that paper is a forgery," I answered• ris
ing and confronting him. "He died on
the 23d of December. Your own tele
gram to that effect is. in existence. It
was on the 24th, the day before Christ
mas, that you called on me to prepare
the paper now on record as his will. The
inference is plain ; you undertook to man
ufacture this spurious testament after
your uncle's death, and, wishing to clothe
your villainy in legal form, you procur
ed through me the required draft. You,
or some one at your instigation,' imitated
the signature of the deceased. The wit
nesses, who have since perjured themsel yes
in their depositions, were procured in
some manner best known to vourself---"
"Enough, sir !" he ejaculated, placing
his back against the door; "you have
shown yourself in posessiou of a secret
the custody of which may prove danger
ous!"
"I am not unprepared for your throat"
I replied. "In the first place I (lid not
come here unarmed; in the next, I have
prepared a full written statement of the
filets to which I have alluded, with in
formation, besides, of my present visit to
yourself. This paper will he delivered
to the friend to whom it is directed, un
less within a half au hour I reclaim it
from the messenger, who has been in
structed for that length of time retain it."
His face grew livid. His frame quiv
ered with mingled fear and rage, and his
eyes gleamed like those of a wild beast
at bay.
"What is your purpose?" he exclaim
ed, in a voice hoarse with suppressed
passion.
"To keep your secret while you live,"
I answered, "on one condition."
"Name it."
"That you write instantly to Julia Par-
sons, renouncing all pretentions to her
hand, and obsolutely withdrawing your
proposal of marriage."
After a moments pause he seated him
self at his desk and hastily penned a
brief note, which- he submitted for my in
pection. It was quite satisfactory.
"Be so good as to seal and address it,"
I said.
He did so.
"I will see tint it is delivered," I -re
;narked taking it up and bowing myself
out.
When I met George Dickson that ev
eninc,bhis old college lobk had come back.
hadIII great news to tell me. The next
thing was to take me to see Julia, and it
is needless to tell that a marriage follow
ed not long after.
Eldridge Parsons, I have learned, join
ed one or the Cuban exp2clitions, and
was killed in an encounter with the
A FAMILY NEWSPAPER-DEVOTED TO. LITERATURE, LOCAL AND GENERAL NEWS. ETC.
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, MAY 2, 1872.
How to Get the Best Place.
I saw a young man in the office of a
Western railway superintendent. He was
Occupying a position that four hundred
boys in that city wculd have wished to
get. It was honorable, and "it paid well,"
besides being in the line of promotion.—
How did he get it ? Not by having a rich
-- fatherifor - he - was - the - sorrof - a — laborer,-
-The-secret-was-his,beautiful—accuracy.7.—
He began as errand-boy, and did his work
accurately. His leisure time he used in
perfecting his writing and arithmetic. Af.
' step his employer commended Ins accura
cy, and relied on w the did because he
was sure it was• t. And it is thus with
every occupation. The accurate boy is
the favored one. Those who employ men
do not want to he on the constant look
out, as though they were rogues or fools.
If a carpenter must stand at his journey-
man's elbow to be sure his work is right,
or if a cashier must run over his book-kee
per's columns, he might as well do that
work himself as employ another to do it
in that way_;_and it is very certain that
the employer will get rid of such an inac
curate workman as soon as pcisiblqi
I knew such a young man. He had a
good chance to do well, but he was so in
:cccurate-and-nnreliable-that-people-were-
or a mortgage, or a contract, he was sure
either_to_leave out something to make it
an imperfect paper. He was a lawyer
-without-business,—because_he-lackecl_the _
noble quality of accuracy. Just across
the street flora him was another young
I , . . - ••: _ WNW
ilelwas="fam_ousTfor : searching-titles,—and
when he wrote out the history ea. title to
a piece of_ property,it_was taken_forgran-_
ted as just so. His aim was absolute ac
curacy in everything. If he copied a am
veyauce, or cited a legal authority, or.
made a statement, he awed to do it ex
actly. The consequence is, he is having
a - . v. , ua
I_n.
"But," says - some boy, "when I become
a man, that is the way I shall do. I mean
- tu - be very acculate."
Perhaps so. I could tell better if I knew
just-how-you do -your -work.uow !There
are several ways of getting a lesson. One
is, to get it "tolerably well," which does
not cost much labor; the other way is, to
get it faultlessly well, which costs a great
deal of labor, A boy can get. a general
idea of his lesson "in a but to get it
with accuracy is very hard, and requires
both time and industry. If you, my boy,
to-day are getting your lesson in the slip
shod way ; but if to-day your habit is to
get every lesson with perfect accuracy, I
warrant yon will dolt that way when you
Imcome a man. How is it?----.Pres't
Life's Brightest Hour.
Not long since I met a gentleman who
is assessed iurwore than a million. Silver
was in his hair, care upon his brow, and
he stooped beneath his burden of wealth.
We are speaking of that period of hfe,
when we heav realized the most perfect
enjoyment, or rather, when we had found
the happiness nearest to being unalloyed
"I'll tell you," said the millionaire, "when
was the happiest hour of my life." At
the age of one-and-twenty I had saved up
MO. I was earning $5OO a year, and my
father did not take it fiom me, only re
quired that I should pay for my board.—
At the age of twenty-one I had secured a
pretty cottage, just outside of the city. I
was able to pay two thirds of the money
down, and also to furnish-it respectably.
I was married on Sunday—a Sunday in
June—at my father's house. My wife bad
come to me poor in purse, but rich in the
wealth of her womanhood. The Sabbath
and the Sabbath night—we passed beneath
my father's roof, and on Monday morning
I went to my work, leaving my mother
and sister to help in preparing my home.
On Monday evening, when the labors
the day were done, I went -not to the pa
ternal shelter, as in the past, but to my
own house—my own home. The holy at
mosphere of that hour seems to surround
me even now in the memory I opened the
door of my cottage and entered. I laid
my hat upon the little stand in the hall,
and passed on to the kitchen—our kitch
en and dining-room were all one then. I
pushed the kitchen door open and was—
in heaven. The table was set against the
wall—the evening meal was ready—pre
pared by the bands of her who had come
to be my help-meet in deed as well as in
name—and by the table. with a throbbing,
expectant look upon her lovely and lov
ing face, stood my wife. I tried to speak,
and could not. I could only Clasp the
waiting angel to my bosom, thus showing
to her the ecstatic burden of my heart.—
The years have passed—long, long years
—and worldly wealth has flowed in upon
me, and lam honored and- envied ; 'tatt—
oo true as heaven—l would give it all—
every dollar—for the joy of the hour of
that June evening in the long, long ago."
—.Yew York Ledger.
Wtstmar IN SMALL LOTS.—We've got
lots of men with toweren intellex and brill
yant genius and all that, but then, •you
see, we need just a few men of good com
mon sense I ike.
There may be some sweet sadnegs in
chewing the bitter cud of adversity ; but
the most tro , 'em in this section would rath
er hare terbacker, you know.
Ef wise men never made mistakes this
would. be a hard world for fools—of whom
a great many are which.
• It don't take as much sense to pick a
lock or forge a check as it do not to do it.
It don't take a smart, man to ho a fool.
man that don't know env thing will
tell it the first time that he gets a good
chance.
Never euoso your di ,, reppointment to
the world.
e prat ice
esteemed.
Rules For Business Men.
Take advantage of modern facilities,
and accomplish as much in a single day
as required weeks, months, or years form
erly.
Use the means within your reach ;
there is something for everybody to do ;
and a place for every one who is willing
- to-work; -
Donl_depencLupon_yourioxviJungs_a
lone ; use the lungs of the Press. •
Don't depend alone upon your own
bands, or the labor of other men's hands,
Make it known by printers' ink that
you are prepared to do business.
Confess ignorance in regard to, subjects
on which you are uninformed; listen and
learn. 'l7
Be silent when a fool talks; he will
cease the sooner ; you cannot gain by his
converse.
Be ashamed of nothing but your own
errors.
CalUira - te — th - eTathahilities ort-M—efF
ture ; increase and multiply the means
of information.
To compete successfully with a neigh
bor, participate in the &cilities, _afibrded
to go ahead.
The door to wealth, respectability, in
fluence-and-honor;is—thrown-'-wide-open
-to-all,
• I
Establish yourself on the broad and
sound basis of integrity_; conduct your '
business with intelligence and judg--•
1-ment. -:- ,
Trifle not with serious matters, and
be not serious about trifles.
rich_anaithe - richilonorable
Find recreation in looking after your
business,-and—your—busixiess _will not be
neglected in looking after recreation.
Buy hir, sell fair, take care of the prof
its, and be economical. _
Consider the cause of the good standing
of some, and the decline and fall and want
o success o o
conduct accordin
10* an
.
The tricky, deceitful, and dishonest are
rani) , prosperous, for when confidence is
vithdrawitrpoverty-is - likely-to - folioN
Resolve to perform what you ought ;
and perform without fail whatyou resolve.
Be civil and obliging to all ; it costs
nothing, and is worth much.
Be kind, liberal and just to all connec
ted with you in business.
Rest satisfied with doing well,and leave
others to talk as they will.
Never regret what is irretrievably• lost.
Never speak boastingly of your business;
keep your own coitnsel about the manage.-
meat of your affairs.
Be charitable' according to your means.
'IS ever complain of being ill used.
Always speak well of your triends ;but
of your enemies speak neither good nor
evil.
Treat your customers as your friends
by serving them in the best manner, and
never let them be deceived or diaappoin
ed.
Sell at small profits, for cash, and make
t known through the newspapers.
Accuracy.
Accuracy should• be considered a car
dinal virtue ; it necessarily involves be
ing specified. Many a patient has been
pushed back to the grave from which he
was escaping by the indefinite advice of
physician to "Live Light ;" "Be careful
in your diet ;" ."Don't expose yourself;"
"Dress prudently."
' A patient might live so light as to
starve himself to death. Carefulness in
diet would he interpreted as variously as
the judgment of the individuals. A "little"
piece of copperas dissolved in a "little"
water is an excellent thing to heal up a
Fore; yet a piece of copperas as large as
a bean, disolved in a teaspoonful of wa
ter, and applied to a sore, would burn
it like fire, deep into the flesh, and make
a man fairly yell with pain if applied to
some parts of the body. Every child
should be early educated to habits of ac
curacy of statement; to leave a margin,
a liberal margin, instead of outrageous
exaggerations. Let all statements be
Within the truth. If you called to see a
friend three or four times don't call it a
flonn. If you rode fifteen miles into the
bountry, don't call it twenty, but say "at
least a dozen." Learn to. reduce all
statements, as far as pmetible, to filets,
figures and forms. State a fact just as
you saw it,' without. comment ; if you
learned it from another, say nothing pos
itively. Give the exact numbers Irlien
ever, you can, and in describing a thing,
put it on a paper if possible. In fact, if
every child was taught to draw and
sketch with a free hand from the _first
month of going to school, very great Ad
vantage and amusement could be drawn
from it for life. If a . love for roup,ii
sketching from nature were inculcated
and encouraged and cherished it would
in after years afford au infinite source
of ttmusement, of interest, and oftentimes;
of profitable employment ; the habit of
drawing cultivates close and accurate ob
servation ; it strengthens the memory.—
Moreover to observe accurately sud quick
ly, is often of incalculable advantage in
business matters *rad of
Health.
'MOLASSES FRUIT CAI:E.-0149 Cap of
butter, two of sugar, one of molasses, one
pint of flour, one pound of raisins, one
grated nutmeg. half a. teaspoonful each of
cloves and cinnamon, one-half teaspooful
soda; beat them into the molassps, and
put in the last thing.
How •fust time files when agy are
working ngninst it. How slowly
you are endeavoring to fill it up, What
differenco between trying to get your
work dope before dinner and trying to
fill up the hours before that within - 1e :tr.
ri v
SPEAK GENTLY TO THY WIFE. -
Speak gently, kindly to thy wife,
She knows enough of sorrow;
. Oh, seek not from each little ill
An angry word to borrow,
The early light of household love,
Has more than golden worth,
- - IV-h-ieli-frorn her-heart-onesraile of-thine-
Can_calLin_beautylorth,_
When thou art distant, stern and cold,
And through harsh words of thine,
Its Bunn rays of • entleness •
At home may never . shine.
Upon the heart such. cold words fall
And chill's love's tender life;
Oh! ever when home trials come,
Speak gently to thy wife.
Far nober in life's battle scene
Is he who breasts the storm .
With manly courage when abroad
And loving words at home,
hwn - h — e - ; — whe; -- gre - veling all - h - is
A traitor to his kind,
'A petty tyrant proves at home
The meanness of his mind.
A Strange Story
About five years ago a yout4, ap
ently-fifteetror - sixteen years of age, called
at the publishing house of John E. Potter,
&Co in Philadelphia, and offered a man
uscript story forpublication-.---Mr:-Potter
, the head of the firm, who ha pened to be
in at the time, smiled at t e idea of one
so youthful aspiring to appear in litera
ture as the author of a book, but finally
e_urgeret request t
ea eep tto manuscript-a ew - a ays - an
look it over. When he done so he was
convinced that the story while - evincing a
lack of polished education on the part of
the boyish author, possessed considerable
merit as an excelling novel, some of the
scenes being described with wonderful
-power, and r afterconsulting-wit • -
er members of the house, decided to pub
lish it:L — Wlien the th
e your
101. rf flea rum called a few
days afterward he told him of his conclu,
Ri on rid---it-Avits-agreed-tor
-
should receive a coyalty of ten cents a
copy on all sold. The _stoty—was-duly
published in book form under the title
of "White Rocks,". and since that time
one hundred and seventy thousand copies
have been sold. But what is singular a
bout it is that the youthful author has
never been seen or heard of since, and
there is now due him the sum of $17,000
as copyright on his story.—Boston Times,
28th.
WHINING.—There is a class of people
in this worlo—by no means small—whose
prominent peculiarity is whining. They
whine because they are poor; or, if rich,
because they have no health to enjoy their
riches ; they whine because they have "no
luck," and others prosperity exceed theirs;
they whine because some friends have died
and they are living ; they whine because
they have aches and pains, and they have
aches and pains because they whine, and
no one can tell why. Now we would like
to say a word to these whining persons.—
First, stop whining—it is no use, this
everlasting complaining, fretting, fault
finding and whining. Why, you are the .
most deluded set of creatures that ever
lived ! Do you know that it is a well-set
tled principal of physiology and common
sense that these habits are more exhaust
ing to nervous vitality than almoq any
other violation of physio lc aw ? And
do you not know that life 1.3 pretty much
as you make it ? You can make it bright
and shiny, or you can make it dark and
shadowy., This life is only meant to dis
cipline us—to fit us for a higher and pur
er state of being, Then stop whining and
frettit,g, and go on your way rejoicing.
FRUIT CULTURE.-1. Instead of "trim
ming up" trees according to the old fash
ion to make them long rimed, trim them
'down, so as to make them even, snug and
symetrieal.
2. Instead of manuring heavily in
small circles at the foot of the tree, spread
the manure, if needed at all, broadcast o
ver the surface.
3. Instead of spreading small circles
about the stein, cultivate the whole sur
face broadcast.
4. Prefer a well pulverized clean sur
face in nn orchard with a moderately
rich soil, to heavy mlfnuring, and a stir
face covered with a hard crust and
weeds of grass.
. _
5. Remember that it is better to set
out ten trees with ,01 the necessary care
to mako them live and flourish, then set
out a hundred trees and have them all
die from carelessness. .
6. Remember that tobacco is a pois
on, and will kill insects rapidly, if pro
perly applied to them, and is one of the
best drugs for freeing trees rapidly from
small vermin—and is better used in this
-way than to make men repulsive and di
seased. '
Con:stns.—Corners have always been
popular. The chimney corner for instance
is endeared to tne heart from the earliest
to the leatest hours of existence.
Corner cup-board ! .what stores of sweet
things has it contained for us in youth—
with what luxuries its shelves have groan
ed in manhood. A snug corner in a will?
who ever objected to such a thing? A
corner in a woman's heart ! once get there
and you may soon command the emit e do
main. A corner in the Temple of Fame!
arrive at that and you become immortal.
A Physician in North. Yarmouth, Maine,
during the fifty years of his practice has
appropriated the proceeds of his professio
nal services on Sutalayip benevolent pur
pcac.i.
fit 14.,:cribu for the.ll44,l2r—cion't vong,c,,
One morning an enraged farmer came
into Mr. M's store with very angry looks.
lie left a team in the street, and bad a
good stick in his hand.
"Mr. M.," said the angry farmer, "I
bought a paper of nutmegs here in your
store, and when I got home they were
1-more- than—half-walnuts;-and_that's__-the
young villiari that .I bought 'em- of,"
pointing to John.
"John," said Mr. M.; "did you sell this
man walnuts for nutmeg?"
• if • 1,
• nswer.
"You lie, you little villian!" said the
farmer, still more enraged at his assur
ance.
"Now, look here," said John, "if you
had taken the trouble to weigh your nut
megs, you would have found that I put
in the walnuts gratis."
"Oh, you gave them to me, did you?"
"Yes, sir. I threw in a handful for
the children to crack," said John laugh
- 3g-arthe-Satiue
"Well, now, if that ain't a young scamp!"
said the farmer, his features relaxing in
to a grin.
Much hard talk and bad blood would
be saved if people would stop to weigh be
fore they blame others. "Think twice
befi
ibM=yol
MOtt.o
SLEEPING TOGETHER.—The Laws of
-Life-says : "More-quarrels-arise between
brothers, between sisters, between 'hired
S;lktVeenS6h - o - 61 - gifrcbetw - e - an - clerks
in stores, between apprentices, between
en r between-lnals
°wine to electrical changes, through which
their-nervons-systems-g(iLby—lodging—to--
gether night after night, under the same
bed-clothes, than other-disturbing
cause. There is nothing that will de
range the nervous system of a person who
is eliminate in nervous force like lying
all night in bed with another person who
pnst, s,l sorb= in nervous force. T:
loy, consent-
absorber-will-go-to-sleep - and e
the eliniinater will be tossing and tumb
line, restless and Rem - 3
xn e morning fretful, peevish and dis
couraged. No two persons no matter
who -- they are, sh — ould habitually sleep
together. One will lose and one will
thrive. This is the law, and in marri
ed life it is defied almost universally."
"I'm His MAN."—The death of the Rev.
Robert J. Breekinridge reminds us of an
amusing incident in his life, which we be
lieve has never been printed. Some mem
ber of a presbytery—a county brother—
complained that the city clergymen dres
sed too well, and thus made au undue dis
tinction between them and their" country
brethren. Dr. Breckinridge, always rea
dy for debate, straightened his tall, lithe
form up, and
,"indignantly denied the
charge." In a burst of eloquent anger he
declared that he was ready to change
clothes with any brother on that floor.—
In an instant a short, fat brother—as broad
as long—waddled into the aisles and cal
led out weazily : "Mr. Moderator, I'm his
man l" The vision of Dr. Breckinridge's
arms and legs 'protruding from the baggy
clothes of the other upset the dignity of
the presbytery and spoiled the eloquence
of the orator.
LEARN TO WAIT.--Of all the lessons
that humanity has to learn in life's school,
the hardest thing is to wait. Not to wait
with the folded hands that claim life's
prizes without previous effort, but having
struggled, and crowded the slow years with
trial, see no such result as effort seemes
to warrant,—nay, perhaps, disaster instead.
To stand firm at such crisis of existence,
to preserve one's self-poise and self-res
pect, not to lose hold or to relax effort,—
this is greatness, whether achieved by man
or woman,—whether the eye of the world
notes it, or it is recorded in that book
'which the light of eternity alone shall
make clear to the vision.
A law recently introduced ',into Eng
land,. providing for the appointment of
public analizers in town and country,
produces considerable agitation in sugar
sanding and milk watering firclo. The
penalty for adulterating food or drugs is
a fine of $250 for the first Offence, and
six months imprisonment at hard labor
for the second. The penalty for selling
an adulterated article is $.1.00, and, after
a second offense, the judge may have the
culprit's name advertised at his own ex
pense. Any purchaser may have an ar
ticle analyzed by paying a small fee,
which is returned and charged to costs of
court if the examiners report is adverse.
As a judge was delivering his decision
in a case the other day, he was interrupt
eb by the braying of a donkey under one
of the windows of the court-room. `•What
is that ?" testily asked the judge, where
upon the lawyer against whom he was de
ciding the c a pse, arose and remarked. "It
is merely the ecLo of the Court, your hon
or." •
An Illinoise lien has laid an egg con
taining a button in its'eentre. It is sup
posed that she was incited thereto by
hearing that the "patent yokes,'!--, which
make shirts set always have buttons at
tached.
A veteran observer says, "I never place
much reliance on a man who is telling
what he would have done had he been
there. I have noticed that somehow this
kind of people never get there.
A 'very slender Juan asked a fri6rd
what character he bad 1.)..tt.t.r assnrac at
masquerade, and was adviscl to chalk
his head, and gn as a billard-cue or h e
might braid Ads legs, and appear as a
whip-lash. _ _
A Missouri parr F . cc:ords the I:hootir.g
of a man who SVaS LT,T.,ry ing ofr rop, ' %cit.!)
110r:J., :Ue) ti tti Lilt: enti:
out ause
Does it follow that a man dislikes his \
bed because he turns his back upon id
A young lady being asked which party
she was in tavor of, replied—a wedding
-P44Y- -- - -
If you wish to get rich get married.
Honey is not made with one bee in the
hive.
ladies take ssap and water
Why is a stick of candy like a horse?'
Because the more you lick it the faster it ,
goes. —./
Why do• hens always lay eggs in day
time? They are roosters at night.
A backward spring can be produced by
presenting a red lot poker to a mauls
nose.
Why might carpenters really believe
there is no such thing as stone ? Because,
they never saw it.
___Let-a-young-woman - take — tlii - deneert
A—B.,that a_bride,_azuLshelmi, ape 42
due time to be entitled to .that of A. M. '
Some subscribers tir.tlie;Reord.,act 1 7 );
if their - clebti were like toffee, and - : "would --
settlelbeniselves in time by-lorigstiutli_n_g./
morw.;a- t.l""rfrr^r or •a , sna - e wit 7 4
head as large as a milk pan and eyes like
_apples.__Tle_savrAw_enty_feet of the snake
say afyror-tGe-rest.
I Rich women, however ugly, can-haveno
difficulty in getting married if they will
paint themselves and look as if they
would not live long.
tie If the G)
.recian bend_isAchieved-by-throw
-iragJhe chest forwatd and the trunk bitaz
wards, what is done with the rest of the
A grocer bad a poUnd of-sugar return
ed to him with a note stating, "too much
sand for table use, and not enough for
building purposes."
Says an Irishman writing home front
Chicago, "Shear, there are no people at
ahl in the dinsely population districts, and
the side walks is in middle of the street."
The editor of a, cotemporay. writes that
"the woman who has smoothed his ruffled.,
bosom for years called to say she coul'd
not do it hereafter under nine shillings a '
week.,"
Miss Ellen L. Pletcher, of Charleston,
N. H., having learned the trade, has o
pened a jeweler's shop, and the watches of
all young mein in town are out of order in
consequence.
Tjie Austin (Tex.) Gazette says: "A.
bride in this county advises against nlhk
ing bridal tours across the Gulf. She
says it causes sea sickness---months after
the trip is made."
The following congratulatory telegram
was received from Cincinnati by a wed
ding party in Nashville: "Congratulations
on your nuptials; may your future troub
les be only little ones."
A western editor says they have no vel
vet cushions in their church pews. The
fattest person has the softest seat, and he
takes it out with him at the close of the
services.
A man down south recently died from
the effects of a bath. He had not wash
ed for 17 years. Tho air struck his clear&
skin and perspiration was checked too
suddenly. It is not safe to go more than
10 years without a bath.
The local of an 111. paper says that he
does not depend upon journalism for his
daily bread, but raises tens. Which
moves an envious rival to ask whose hens
he raised.
Why are women like churches?
Firstly, because there is no living with
out one; thirdly, because they are objects
of 'adoration; lastly, but by no means
least, because they have a loud clapper
in the upper story.
A gentleman met another in the street,
who was ill of consumption, and accosted
him thus :
"Ah, my friend, you walk slow ?"
"Yes," replied the man, "but I am
going fast."
SOME DiscouNT.--One pleasant morn-.
ing some to or three years ago, says the
Hartford Times, a party of gentlemen
were standing on the steps of the Tremont
House, in Boston, enjoying their cigars,
z el
when they noticed a country lookintap
riding a ;Hill, mangy horse up and down
the street in ti.ont of the hotel, apparently
trying to attract the attention of the
group. One of them says: "I'll bet that
fellow has a horse for sale. We'll see."
Presently along he came, showing his beat,
and was accosted with zty, is that it/li
ma' for sale.
"Well---y•a-a-F,—l might be induced to
part with him;' but he is a mighty likellet*::
critter." "Is he Follad ?"".`itaal,
let." "Can he trot?" "Trot: Well
can. He can just mock a trotter," "How
fast can he go?" "How fort? Well, he
tan go in four minutes, and would go
taster if he could. He'd lov.terl" "Wioit
your prim , for hint?" "five hundred."
" \Val, 1 - dun% wa;.lt 4 hor4e, hat I'd give
fire dullare: fur him." ".. 4 trauf.ra ho's
youoi„. llu'ilutt's a Ill:173.1C tlit:•ollfg,"
$2,00 PER YEAR
NUMBER 48
11,4 it It „.3 it inor.
he real com
'hat 1:11: 1 ,.: - .1*:3111.1.:;41 :2 it) Qlz
-14.1.1.;-10.11(1.
lexion of some