The Waynesboro' village record. (Waynesboro', Pa.) 1871-1900, February 22, 1872, Image 1
71::....'.'it'''::ill . iiti_ifiitib':. BY W. BLAIR: VOLUME 24. *tint pottrg. ME MET OF MAN "Each has a secret self—an inner life Of hopes and fears, High aspirations, doubtings, calm andstrife, And and-tears. "No . eye but God's within the veil can look ; Unto the world 'The human heart is an unopen book— A. banner furled. "A mighty ocean, to whose lowest deeps We cannot see— A secret treasury, of which heaven keeps The master-key. •"An unsolved, awful mystery sublime T\ e'er understood— ,.A.:battle-field,where virtue strives with crime Evil with good. ."The angels of our kind and adverse fate Are marshaled there ; Light grappling with darkness,love with hate Hope with despair. one ever pass iesecre That guards the heart, It is a crypt ourselves cannot explore In every part. "We are not as as we seem -Z-for oft the eye Belies the breath ; The lips'cry peace when haggard care is nigh And wild unrest. `Measure the s%ln,beams, compass sea and land Ovation's plan, 'Find cut! "I'Nfere easier than to'utderstand Ttte heart of man ati is( en ant 0u grading. A 'THRILLING INCIDENT. In 1848 a circumstance.occured iu the city of New Orleans, which at the time ,created great excitement that aillictea the ,entire population. Au old merchant, high ,lysenneeted, wealthy, and of distinguish ed social. pssition 4 one night mysteriously Idisappearefl. His family were in intense ,distress, and his business in consequent ,disorder. 'lle left his store at a late hour ,ostensibly .to go home; but befoae going, ,contrary to his usual practice, put into his pocket a large sum of money. His way lead along Peters Street, on the bank °ft. is river, but far down iu the Third district of the city. His life may have been sacrificed and his houy thrown into the flood that rolled at his feet. Po lice regulations at that time were bad, and crimes of this description were not unfre ,quently perpetrated. A little way hack from the greet was a ruinous half tumbling to decay, and inhabited by a numilier of people, men and women, in ured to vice and living by robbery. Among the bank notes Mr. Cosby was know,n to possess was one for 000 with the word "Canal" written on the back.— Therest were of various. &nom inatiorts and without peculiar identity. Mr. I— and myself visited the resi dence of the missing man, at the request ,of his wife; and by her we were charged with the duty of tracing crut and bring ing to justice his supposed murderers.— She was ft tall elegant looking lady, of .commanding presence and great culture. .The wealth other rich beauty and mind were inherite4 by her d au g hter, a girl scarcely twenty. The terrible bereave meat had parAli . zed the senses of the moth . - er,;bni had arouSed the energy and fire ,of the young girl's nature. .More like a beautiful Nemesis than ordinary woman, she appeared to us. As we entered the room she was in the act of consoling the mother. The long black hair had escap ed from its confinement, and had almost enveloped her person in its ebony tresses. The great luminous eves were tearful, but flashing and full of are. The face was dark with the blood of her. Spanish race, hut the figure was queenly, slender and faultless to a model. Starting up as we .entered the room, she inquired very hast ily, and almost fiercely, f thought : "Are you the detectives ?" "We are," and I mentioned our names. "I' must speak to you in private," she said, and led the way to' an adjoining a partment. "What do you think of the matter," she asked when out of hearing of her mo ther. "As •yet an opinion would be mere guess-work," I replied. "Nevertheless I have come to one. I have no doubt that he was murdered, and that the deed was committed somewhere near the old ruinous building near the river." "Some suoh idea has crossed my mind, but there is no trace as yet which can lead to the proof of it." "We will find out, rest assured," she said, "and to this end you must co-oper ate with me, and now listen to what I have to say. To-night just at twelve o'clock precisely, do you two visit the old build ing. I will be there. Ask for the young woman who applied at nightfall to them for shelter. Let your object be, appar ently, to arrest her." "But I do not understand." "But you will. lam going there at dark, disguised as a beggar girl. By the time you come my information will haye been collected." "I will read the guilty secret," she said '•if the criminal is there, however deep in his heart he may burry it." Strange as it may appear, I made no attempt to dissuade her from her Purpose. I could not. I felt as if the beautiful creature exercised over me a magnetic c-on Those acquainted with the city at this period, can term some idea of the danger of the plot we had formed. To us it - was a matter of daily occurrence. But for the young girl, inexperienced and tenderly nursed, to thrust herself into the very house of the unscrupulous and desperate wretches who were suspected of this crime was simply appalling. It would not do, however, to go to the place before the _hour_appointed for our coming, for that would defeat the object in view. It was therefore with many misgivings and un easiness but poorly concealed, we bided our time. But we determined to be there at the very moment, and the clock was on the stroke of midnight when we knock ed at the door. The,outside of.the house gave no signs of life within. The shut ters were securely fastened, and no ray of light penetrated the darkness ; but muf fled sound of voices reached our ears, un-. til our knocks hushed them to a whisper. There was a momentary hesitation, as if b counselina together, and then the door was opened wide. • It was a low room, dusty and brown from age. About a dozen persons were seated around, but every eye was turned to the door. Two men had risen to their feet and stood in an attitude which might -mean-defense before the fire-place; but the object that attracted our attention was a young girl sitting in the corner of the apartment. Her face, was as dark as a gypsy's, and the long hair-hung loose to her shoulders ; her dress was of poor ma • terial, ragged and unclean. Patches and rents had almost changed its hue and dis guised its texture. She seemed too thinly clad for that cold night, and her slender frame shivered as if from cold, as the chilly air from the open door swept in. "What do you want V" was the stern question addressed to us by one of the men ,at the fire. Dethre I had time to reply the girl sprang to her feet and spoke in-. stead : ".krrest these men !" Here _voice was low, but ber face flashing on the light of the fire, was that of the Nemesis I - had seen that day. inner goer There was a short fierce struggle, and the men were in our power. The girl then walked to a place in the floor, and touching a concealed spring lifted a trap door. bhe bade Mr. lift the box that lay in the hidden place. The' lid was wrenched off, and in it were the old merchant's money, papers and pocket book. With the money was found the bill and the word tieanal," written across the back. It was not long before the men con fessed their crime. The old man had been murdered, and his body thrown into the ricer. The daughter accomplished her mis sion.. She had carried out her designs, and traced to their hiding places the prods of the murderer's crime. It is use less to state what " followed. Long years h Lye fled since then, and the Nemesis is yet among the living. Beautiful still, there are many hearts to grow glad at her smile, and share with her the joys of the home she charms. The Planets and their Inhabitants. 11. Figuier, Sr noted French scientific gentleman, says, that modern astrono my has demonktrated that there are other worlds than oyrs, that the earth simply makes a part of a class or a group ofsturs which do not differ essentially, and that there is an ininity of other gloves like it, proceeds to consider the internal afiitirs of the other worlds. Since there is nothing to distinguish the earth from the other planets of the solar system—Mercury, Ve nus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus,• and Neptune, he argues that we must find in the others as we find here—air and water, a hard soil, rivers and seas, mountains and valleys. There must be found also in them vegetation and trees, and traces covered with verdure and shade. There must be in them animals and even men, or at least beings superior to animals and corres pond ing to our human type. "Science has shown that the physical and climatological connections of the earth and the other planets are identical. On' these planets, as on the earth, the au u shines and disappears, yielding place to night, cold and - darkness succeed to heat "and light. In them, as ou the earth, the rich carpet of herbage covers the plains, and luxuriant woods covers the mountains. Rivers flow majestically off to the seas.— Winds blow regularly or irregularly and purify the atmosphere by mingling their strata charged in different degrees with the produce of the evaporation of their soiL In quiet nights, dwellers on these planets see the same heavenly spectacle that delights our eyes, the same constella tions, the same celestial visitors. They have panoramic views of the pl. globes with their followino of fait} elites and luminops stars snining li ly brandished torches. Once in there is a sudden luminous trail wl rows the heavens like a flash of si is a star that shoots and drops depths of space. Again, it is a cum a beautiful tail that comes to briny from worlds millions of miles awa; The planetary man,ae.cordin' g ti lief, corresponds to the terrestial the planet the process of creation gamied life must be the same as earth ; the successive order of appf of living creatures is the same as globe. And, like the terrestial m planetary man dies, is transforms death into a superhuman, and passe into ether. GOOD NATURE. As welcome as sunshine In every place Is the bedming approach Of a good-natured face As genial as sunshine, Like a warmth to imps: IA a good-natured word From a good-natured hen kV 4 1,1 1 J) #1•111i >tvi-z) ;7: 1 14 >0 ;312/, y 44 i&lh sk its kis si ;/S KIWI o kIEO )1 , :0 AtO >iv WAYNJESBORO 9 , FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 22,1872. SINGULAR -CASE. It is only within the past century that , -the law has required' in case of murder, the finding and - identification of the vie tim. Previous to that, if a man disap peared, and .hii absence could not be ac counted for, a person to whom circumstan tial evidence pointed as his probable mur derer could be arrested and hanged for the alleged crime. • A most extraordina ry case, which occured during the war be tween England and France, at the be giniug of the present century, first called particular attention to the singular law, and was ultimately the cause of its being replaced by the statute as it now stands. The story is substantially as follows : Two Englishmen, uncle and nephew, took their quarters at a well-known inn in Portsmouth close to the pier—They were well received by the landlord, for they had plenty of money in their possess ion. The uncle, whom we will call Wil liam, suggested to his companion, who shall be called Robert, in the hearing of the landlord, that they should hand their money to their host for safe keeping.— Robert objected, and proposed that they should keep it on their persons. This was agrJed to. at night theysiccupied the same room and the same bed. The inn was an old -fashioned irregular betiding. their . bed-room the two men could enter a long passage which ran along the end of the house to the pier. They went to their room together about 11 o'clock at night. Next morning Robert entered the land lord's room in great haste, and asked the landlord whether he knew what had be come of his uncle. The landlord said he did not. At the same time he observed to his horror that the hands of R.thert were stained with blood. The landlord arose and suggested that they should go to the bed room together. They did so. On enter ing a terrible spectale met the landlord's gaze. The clothes of the bed which 11'10, evidently been occupied by two person were stained all over with blood.. The pillow was saturated with it. The wash basin and the stand were also bespattered with blood. On the dressing-table lay a large jockey or sailor's knife, the handle and blade all bloody. Drops of blood marked the floor from the bedside to the door which opened to the passage referred to. The landlord told Robert the case was a very suspicious one, and that ho must place it in the hands of the proper authorities. He did forthwith. Robert was arrested. On being searched, his clothes were found to be bloolly: - Blood stains were discovered in the passage from the bed-room doer to the water's edge, where apparently there had been a strug gle. On Robert were found the purse and papers of the missing man. Robert, who manifested coolness and presence of mind, told the following story: After his uncle and he had been iu bed a short time, the former who lay on the outside, complained that his nose was bleeding. Presently he got up and went to the washstand. He used water freely, but in vain. The bleeding continued,aud so violently that the. then both became a larmed. Robert suggested the application of cold iron to the,back of his uncle's neck. He took his jack-knife out of his pocket and applied it accordingly. In attending his uncle his hands and shirt were stained with blood. As the bleeding still contin ued, William dressed himself and said he would go out atthe side door and walk on the pier in the cold morning air. Before, doing so he handed his pocket book and purse to his nephew to keep until his re turn. Robert fell asleep after his uncle left and was astounded when he awoke in the morning to find that he had not returned. • Robert was indicted fbr murder—All the circumstances were against him. The jury believed that William bad been mur dered and his body carried down to the water and flung in. Robert was accord ingly convicted and sentenced to be hang ed and he was accordingly in a few days. Two years afterwards the missing man returned. He confirmed every word his nephew had uttered in his defence. When William reached the pier on the night of the ° supposed murder, he turned to the left, and had only gone a few paCes when he was pounced upon by a press-gang. He was overpowered and carried to a boat, and in an hour found himself ou board a british sloop of war in Southampton wa ters. The vessel was getting under way. In her he remained for three months with out a chance of writing to his friends.— Thou the ship was captured by a French frigate, and William spent twenty months in a French prison, On his release he re - " Heart Graves. The earth is a churchyard, full &graves - with no head stones, and no overgrowing grass-full of vaults, not built in the shape of dim chapels, nor upon green hillsides, lint borne about in living charnel houses, even in beating hearts. We walk with the dead under our feet, by our sidee, and, saddest of all, within-our-hearts, There are therein fewer graves -with stone col umns than without, Human beings have bright and idolized hopes, but they perish and are buried without epitaphs ; t h e y form expectations that fzil in a shaglemo. meat and are mourned for a kfetutes yet with an unspoken lamentation. There are more ashes in living beings than hi aculp tured funeral urns, and they are pala eeld ashes, too, that lie upon living coals of fire, till the flamo is smothered and gone ; cold ashes that aro swept from the ruins of such proud, high temples as youth,hopc and young love only build. They are heaped high over the dark ruins, and when a single ray of sunshine falls upon them, we smile•and are happy. Oh; how these temples have been wept for when they have fallen! How the gorgeous castles have been mourned for when they have crumbled, and - the brilliantly illuminated fancies, when they have faded in darkness! All iu silence have these graves been dug; bit ter tears have hallowed them when the companion on the pillow knows not that they were shed. The soul has prostrated itself in its sad cemetery when the world has nee the man or woman stand proudly erect. It has been said, that there are souls that have no summer, but it is not so ; if winter covers all it is because the spring flowers have died, and the young hopes have perished and been buried in those sad, sad, sepulchers ; the burial ser vices have often been said when God was the only priest, good angels the only pall bearers and the lone heart the only mourner. Brothers have made graves and sisters have not known it. Sisters have buried idols and brothers not known they were worshipped. Husbands have laid away the dead out of the sight of wives. 'Wives made sepulchers which husbands have never seen. No grass grows on these graves, no birds sing to them, and no fl owers spread their sweet perfume above them.— That "they are not dead, but sleeping," for the pale occupants glide in and out at all hours of life, and the resurrection is but the signal for a new burial. So we live, smile and count our joys, while we carry graves in onr bosoms, and have the dead ever for companions—dead hopes, dead loves, dead ambitions and de sires.. The heart gathers October leaves from its garden, and piles them high on its mould of death, but the gale of life drifts the:n off, and the tombs stand nak ed and forlorn. Sometimes we may read an inscription in the dimmed eye, and the silvered hair, the strange lines of care, and the bonded form; but usually each sees the dead of his own heart. When the morning of the resurrection comes to that phantom thing, which lies buried in human bosoms, we shall meet in the gates of the golden city, and the vast multitudes may come up purified and made beautiful, but no loz.ger mourned. Riches and Honors. A distinguished man lay on his death bed, when a great mark of distinction and honor was brought to him. Turning a cold glance on the treasure he would once have clutched with an -eager grasp, he said, with a sigh, "Alas! this is a very fine thing in this country; but I am go ing to a country where it will be of no use to me." Who can reflect without sadness on the closing moments of the gallant Gen. Neill ? His life-long dream was to obtain the little batoia and ribbon of marshal of France. Ho could not sleep after seeing it conferred on McMahen as a reward of valor in the battle of Mag enta. Before the nest engagement, he told his, friends that this time he would wiu the prize he so much coveted. The conflict was over and they sought him anxiously upon the gory field. They foUnd him. almost chrusivd beneath his war-horse, and the practiced eye of the surgeon . told him that life would soon be over. Word was sent to the Emperor, who quickly arrived, and taking from his own breast the badge of the marshal of France, he-placed it over the heart of his faithful follower. The life long dream was realized, and with a single throb of exult<rnt joy and gratitude he threw his arms about the neck of his sovereign; the nest instant he fell back into the embrace of King Death. • Oh, how can we struggle, and toil, and distract our hearts from the one great purpose of life, simply to gather• about us possessions which, though they may be very fine things in this country, will be of no use to us in the country we are so shortly going to? A. SOURCE OF HAPPINESS.—Wherever unselfish love is the mainspring of men's actions ; wherever happpinesa is placed, not on what we can gain for ourselves, but on what we can impart to others ; wherever we place our highest satisfaction in gratifying our fathers and mothers, our sisters and brothers, our wives -and chil dren, our neighbors and friends—we are sure to attain all the happiness which the world can bestow. Wisdom and truth, the offspring of the sky, are immortal; but cunning and de ception, the meteors of the • earth, after glittering for a moment must 'silt pip a way. The tears of our misery often prevent our eyes from seeing the mercy close at hand. , Tho future destiny of the• child is al ways the work of the mother. . HOME AND FRIENDS. 0, there's a power to make each hour As sweet as heaven designed it; Nor need we roam tobring it home, Though few there be that film it. We seek too high for things close by, And lose what nature found us; For life bath here no friends so dear As home and friends around us. • We oft destroy the present— ' For future hopes—and praise them, While flowers as sweet bloom at our feet, If we'd but stoop to raise them ; For things afar still sweeter are When Youths bright spell hath bound Soon we're taught the earth bath naught Like home and friends around as. The friends that speed in time of ned, When hope's last reed is shaken, Do show us still that, come what will, We are not quite forsaken. Though all were night, if but the light From friendship's altar crowned us, T'would prove the bliss of earth was this Our home and friends around us, "Some Shaking." Tom is a queer genius, and tells some tall ones occasionally. He visited us the o_ther_day_in_our sanctum with a "How do you do, old fellow ?" "Hallo, Tom," says we, "where have you been so long ?" "Why, sir, I've been down on Severn river, in Anne Arundle county, taking Shanghai notes on the chills and fever." "Ah, indeed," said we, "are they very bad down there ?" "Rather bad," said Tom dryly. "There is one place where they have been attempt ing to build a brick house for eight weeks'. Well the other day as the hands were put ting up the bricks preparatory to finish ittg they were taken with a chill, and shook the whole building complet el y down, and kept on shaking till the bricks were dust of this finest quaity. Just at that juncture, the chills came on with re ne ved force, and they commenced shak ing with such gusto, that they were entire ly obscured for hours, and the people of the neighborhood thought the sun was, in an eclipse." "Gas !" said we. "Not at all," said Tom. "Why, I was sixteen miles further down the river the othefday, and saw four men carrying a big pine log from on board a schooner to the shore. The chills came on, and they shook the lug, which was thirty feet long, all up in pieces of the proper length for firewood, and then taking a re shako of it, split and piled it up, at the same time shaking all the knots out of it!" "Can't believe anything like that, Tom." "It's a. fact," said Tom, and he resumed —"there's a farmer down there who, in an apple-picking seasonihauls his niggers out to the orehard,and sets one up against each tree. In a short time the chills come on, and every apple in the orchard is sha ken off the trees on to the ground." "Fact," said Tom, "They keep a man alongside of each negro to take him away as soon as the fruit is off, for fear that he will shake the tree down !" . Tom continued "Mr. S , a friend of mine, and a house carpenter, was en gaged a few days ago in covering the roof of a houSe with shingles. Just as he was finishing the chill came on, and he shook every shingle ()lithe roof. Same of them are supposed to be flying about yet." "Another gentleman near the same place, was taken with a chill the other day at dinner, and shook bis knife and .fork down his throat, besides breaking all the crockery-ware on the table. His lit tle son, who was sitting at the table at the same time, was taken with a chill and shook all the buttons off his inexpressi bles,and then shook himself clear of them!" We then prevailed upon Torn to desist, who did so with the understanding that he was to give us the balance at some other time. How to Live Long. They live longest, as a class, who lead calm and even lives, mentally and phisically ; who are exempt from the tun moils and strains which are incident to human existence, and who are assured of to-morrow's bread There is no one thing, aside from the blessiclness of an implicit reliance on the Providence of God, which has such a direct influence in promoting longevity as an assurance, felt to be well grounded, of a comfortable provision for life, for all the ordinary wants of our ex istence. Not long ago a man died in a poor house in England, where be was ta ken care of for ninety years; he had no anxieties for to-morrow's bread; he had no trouble about providing for wife and ehil dred, lest they be turned out of house and home. He had uo notes to meet in bank, which if not paid by a certain day and hour would involve protest and finantial ruin. Ah this load of debt. how it grinds ones manhood to powder; how it shames a man's honor; bow it has driven to despera tion, to drunkenness, to suicide, to mur der ! How the angiaisi of it takes the energy and health out .a man, and makes him pine and languish for weary days and weeks on beds of thorns, which pierce through the body, into the soul! So one good way to avoid sickness and mature death is to avoid debt as you would the devil.—Balls Journal of Health When, several hours afterwards, the master of the farm yard asked him upon what ground he had suffered the poor fel low to hang himself: "Faith," replied Patrick, "I don't know what you may mean by ground.— I know I was so good to him that I fetch ed him out of the water two times ; and I know, too, he was wet through every rag, and I thought he hung himself up to dry." AP 4/ Three in one—ice, snow and water. 1 A contented mind gives peace. A crusty old bachelor in Congress propaee to levy a tax of twenty-five percent. on corsets whereupon a down East paper re marks : "Since there is no tax on men get ting tight,why should not ladies have the same prvelagc? &u Oregon toast over a glass of ardent: 'Hear's what makes us wear old clones! l No Mistake in Nature. How many of all the people in the world sit down themselves once in a lifetime and sincerely thank God that any one of . the breaths they breathe doesn't kill them? And ) et, but for the nice and unvarying proportions . with which the poisonous and the wholesome gasses mingle to form the atmosphere, one breath might do this.— The plague that once came down on Lon don, by which multitudes fell in a day, so that the living were not enough to bury the dead, was only the result of wrong mingling of gasses, just a apothecsiries' clerks sometimes give us oxaltic acid for seidlitz powders. Why shouldn't oxygen lose its vitaliz ing property just for one breath, and that be the end of us ? Or, when we eject the carbon from our lungs, itself a deadly poi son, why should it not remain close at hand to be exhaled at the next inspiration, especially when we repeat the operation something over thirty thousand times eve -ry day ? Dr. Holmes says that walking is con tinual falling, and that if the foot was not put forward at just the right moment to receive the weight of the body, we should just so often find ourselves prone in the dust, And so with ;every breath we breathe, if the provisions were not carefully . ap plied, would be the occasion of our sink ing into the valley and shadow of death. It is thus that these safeguards are placed on every hand, How could the merchant trait his ship to the ocean, if water might. at any time lose its density? With how much expectancy could the farmer sow his seed, if there were no pro vision for it to grow up out of the ground instead.of into it? If he might raise corn when he planted peas, or potatoes might yield onions, or if all the seed he sowed might yield nothing, with—what—courage could he sow, or with what confidence could we expect anything to cat? What puts strength in the timber that supports the roofs over our heads? And after it is rut there, why should it remain there, and. thus we sit -comfortably, day after day, at our desk, and in our homes, without feeling a continual uneasiness, lest we find ourselves buried in rubli:Eh ? Why is it that we can open our eyes mechanically every morning, and then dress ourselves leisurely and thoughtless• ly, without feeling amazed that every thing is simply because these provisions in nature are God's laws. In them He is continually rnaifwting His goodness and His care. They are thus expressions of His Providence, and in them we witness miracles every day ? CAMINO HENS-OR WOMAN'S RIORTS. —"Why shouldn't we crow ?" Said the speck.led hen. "Why not?" said the white ben! "Why not?" said all the hens, as the question went round. "We are as cleaver, as strong, as hand some, just as good as that domineering old cock; in my opinion we are superior!" said the speckled hen. • "And in mine," said the white hen. "And in mine," said all the hens, much impressed and excited by this new view of things: So ,they . practiced and stretched out their necks, and stuck their heads on one side, all in imitation of the old cock; and a very remarkable noise they made. "Hey-day !" said the old rooster, stop ing to listen as he ran through the yard: "My dear creatures, what are you at? give up that nonsense; while you keep to clucking you are highly respectable— when you take to crowing you can't think what rediculous figures you cut. Keep to clucking, dears, keep to clucking!" In a case of assault and battery, where a stone bad been thrown by the defendant the following dear and conclusive evidence was drawn out of a Jerseyman: "Did you see the defendant throw the stone ?" "I saw a stone, and it's pretty sure the defendant throwed it." • "Was it a large stone ?" "I should say it wur a largish stone." "What was its size?" "I should say a sizable stone." "Can't you answer definitely how big it was?" "i should say it war a stone of some bigness." "Can you give the jury some idea of the stone ?" "Why as nearas I can recollect, it wur somethmg." "Cant you compare it to some other ob ject?" "Why, if I wur to compare it, so as to give some notion-of the stone, I should say it wur as large as a lump of chalk." "But the distance—how long was it ?" "Well, I shot say about the length of a piece of string. " HUNG HIMSELF UP TO DRY.—A farm laborer attempting to drown himself, an Irish reaper who saw him go into the wa ter leaped after him and brought him safe to the shore. The fellow attempting it the second time, the reaper got him out the second time; but the laborer deterniined to de stroy himself, watched an opportunity, and hanged himself behind the barn-door. The Irishman observed him, but never offered to cut him down. $2,00 PER YEAR iso ;3 m *l3l Writ and Jurnor. 3.intual friends—Keroseim and .coro ners. A good wife and health, is man's best wealth. Why is old age like a dog's tail ?—Be cause it is in-firm. Barbera make many friends but serape more aequaintences. Why is a young girl like a music book? Becaus she is full of airs Daily newspaper paragraphing is get ting to be fearfully abbreviated. Here's a specimen rect►rding a death: "Clay Spen cer, colored, pint of Memphis whisky." If there are 6G0,000 grains in a bushel of wheat—and somebody says there are— how many drams are there in a quart of old rye. The other Sunday a lady who teaches , a class in the Sabbath school of a Pitts fied church, misAd her Bible, which she had laid down for a moment. She look ed about the. floor, in the rack and else where, but didn't find it 411 the teacher of another class told her it was on her bustle where a mischievous member of her class had lodged it, just for.fun. A married friend of ours said he would always have remained single, but he couldn't aftbrd it. What it cost him ,for "gals and ie.. cream," was more than he now pays to bring up a wife and eight children. Bachelors should think of this. Somebody who evidently knows how i amse rennerkerthat—when— you see a young lady making a fuss over a widower's children, make up your mind that if she don't soon have the right to spank 'em, it won't be her fault. A French authoress says: "A kiss gives more pleasure than anything else in the world.' To this an editor responds: "That writer evidently never experienced the childish rapture . of descending the stairs by sliding down the bannisters." A funny incident happened in New York city avenue car the other day. Of course there was a crowd, and of course the conductor asked the passengers to move up alittle further front," when one gentleman cried out, "I say, conductoil these young ladies 'are almost squeezed to death now, and I protest against sqeez in,,c, them any tighter. If you want it done you'll have to come forward and do it yourself." • A Chicago girl wrote to her lover in Springfield, Mass., just after the fire, saying: Our wedding day was set for nest week, and if you will stand up with a. woman dressed in a cotton skirt and her father's overcoat, come on." The brave youth Telegraphed in reply: "Get ready, .1 will be with you." . Tho pioneer Methodist preacligr, Peter Cartwright, uttered many wise and odd and witty sayings. lie was often much annoyed at one sister, more noisy than pi ous, who would go off on a high key at every opportunity. At an animated class meeting one day she broke out with, "If I had one more feather in the wing of my faith, I could fly away and 'be with the Saviour." "Stick in the feather, 0 Lord ! and let her go," fervently responded Brother Cart wright. • _ _ A humorous young man was driving a horse which was in the habit of stopping at every house on the roadside. Passing a country tavern, where there were col lected together some dozen countrymen, the animal, as usual, ran opposite the door and then ' stopped, in spite of the young man, who applied the • whip with all his might to drive the horse on. The men in the porch commenced a hearty laugh ' 'and some inquired if he would sell that horse. "Yes," said the young man, "but I cannot recommend him, as he once belonged to a butcher, and stoplowheney • er he hears any calves bleat.". The crowd retired to the bar room in silence. A man from one of the rural districts recently went to Washington to see the sights: A member of the Hotise, whos.e. constiluent he was, said: "Come up to morrow and I will give you a seat on the floor of the House." "No, you don't 1" replied Oonathan ; "I always manage to have a cheer to set on at home, and I bet I hain't come to Wash'n'ton to set of the floor ! Injens may do that when they, if they like, but I that am civilized, don't do it." A Wrstz BATx.--An• Ameiican trav eler &tiring while in Paris to take a bath his physician recommended a wine bath. In the employ of the establishment sou a. colored man whom he had, known iu A merica, and of him he inquired how they could afford to given wine bath for seven ty-five cents. "Why mean," said the riegro, "that wine has been in the bath room one week, and . you are the thirty-eighth person that has bathed in it." "Well, I suppose they throw it away when they are done with it." "Oh I no, mem; they send .:it dOwn stairs for the, poor people, who bathein it tor twenty-fice cents." "And then what do they do will it?" "Bottle it up and send it .to America, where they sell it for French wine." A. Boston paper rays that the best way 'to the !at. of wo..mon I: to pier s ood home on it and a - good rarn in ; the houses