The Waynesboro' village record. (Waynesboro', Pa.) 1871-1900, February 22, 1872, Image 1

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*tint pottrg.
"Each has a secret self—an inner life
Of hopes and fears,
High aspirations, doubtings, calm andstrife,
And and-tears.
"No . eye but God's within the veil can look ;
Unto the world
'The human heart is an unopen book—
A. banner furled.
"A mighty ocean, to whose lowest deeps
We cannot see—
A secret treasury, of which heaven keeps
The master-key.
•"An unsolved, awful mystery sublime
T\ e'er understood—
,.A.:battle-field,where virtue strives with crime
Evil with good.
."The angels of our kind and adverse fate
Are marshaled there ;
Light grappling with darkness,love with hate
Hope with despair.
one ever pass iesecre
That guards the heart,
It is a crypt ourselves cannot explore
In every part.
"We are not as as we seem -Z-for oft the eye
Belies the breath ;
The lips'cry peace when haggard care is nigh
And wild unrest.
`Measure the s%ln,beams, compass sea and land
Ovation's plan,
'Find cut! "I'Nfere easier than to'utderstand
Ttte heart of man
ati is( en ant 0u grading.
In 1848 a circumstance.occured iu the
city of New Orleans, which at the time
,created great excitement that aillictea the
,entire population. Au old merchant, high
,lysenneeted, wealthy, and of distinguish
ed social. pssition 4 one night mysteriously
Idisappearefl. His family were in intense
,distress, and his business in consequent
,disorder. 'lle left his store at a late hour
,ostensibly .to go home; but befoae going,
,contrary to his usual practice, put into his
pocket a large sum of money.
His way lead along Peters Street, on
the bank °ft. is river, but far down iu the
Third district of the city. His life may
have been sacrificed and his houy thrown
into the flood that rolled at his feet. Po
lice regulations at that time were bad, and
crimes of this description were not unfre
,quently perpetrated. A little way hack
from the greet was a ruinous
half tumbling to decay, and inhabited by
a numilier of people, men and women, in
ured to vice and living by robbery.
Among the bank notes Mr. Cosby was
know,n to possess was one for 000 with
the word "Canal" written on the back.—
Therest were of various. &nom inatiorts and
without peculiar identity.
Mr. I— and myself visited the resi
dence of the missing man, at the request
,of his wife; and by her we were charged
with the duty of tracing crut and bring
ing to justice his supposed murderers.—
She was ft tall elegant looking lady, of
.commanding presence and great culture.
.The wealth other rich beauty and mind
were inherite4 by her d au g hter, a girl
scarcely twenty. The terrible bereave
meat had parAli . zed the senses of the moth . -
er,;bni had arouSed the energy and fire
,of the young girl's nature. .More like a
beautiful Nemesis than ordinary woman,
she appeared to us. As we entered the
room she was in the act of consoling the
mother. The long black hair had escap
ed from its confinement, and had almost
enveloped her person in its ebony tresses.
The great luminous eves were tearful, but
flashing and full of are. The face was
dark with the blood of her. Spanish race,
hut the figure was queenly, slender and
faultless to a model. Starting up as we
.entered the room, she inquired very hast
ily, and almost fiercely, f thought :
"Are you the detectives ?"
"We are," and I mentioned our names.
"I' must speak to you in private," she
said, and led the way to' an adjoining a
"What do you think of the matter,"
she asked when out of hearing of her mo
"As •yet an opinion would be mere
guess-work," I replied.
"Nevertheless I have come to one. I
have no doubt that he was murdered, and
that the deed was committed somewhere
near the old ruinous building near the
"Some suoh idea has crossed my mind,
but there is no trace as yet which can
lead to the proof of it."
"We will find out, rest assured," she
said, "and to this end you must co-oper
ate with me, and now listen to what I have
to say. To-night just at twelve o'clock
precisely, do you two visit the old build
ing. I will be there. Ask for the young
woman who applied at nightfall to them
for shelter. Let your object be, appar
ently, to arrest her."
"But I do not understand."
"But you will. lam going there at
dark, disguised as a beggar girl. By the
time you come my information will haye
been collected."
"I will read the guilty secret," she said
'•if the criminal is there, however deep in
his heart he may burry it."
Strange as it may appear, I made no
attempt to dissuade her from her Purpose.
I could not. I felt as if the beautiful
creature exercised over me a magnetic
Those acquainted with the city at this
period, can term some idea of the danger
of the plot we had formed. To us it - was
a matter of daily occurrence. But for the
young girl, inexperienced and tenderly
nursed, to thrust herself into the very
house of the unscrupulous and desperate
wretches who were suspected of this crime
was simply appalling. It would not do,
however, to go to the place before the
_hour_appointed for our coming, for that
would defeat the object in view. It was
therefore with many misgivings and un
easiness but poorly concealed, we bided
our time. But we determined to be there
at the very moment, and the clock was on
the stroke of midnight when we knock
ed at the door. The,outside of.the house
gave no signs of life within. The shut
ters were securely fastened, and no ray of
light penetrated the darkness ; but muf
fled sound of voices reached our ears, un-.
til our knocks hushed them to a whisper.
There was a momentary hesitation, as if
counselina together, and then the door
was opened wide. •
It was a low room, dusty and brown
from age. About a dozen persons were
seated around, but every eye was turned
to the door. Two men had risen to their
feet and stood in an attitude which might
-mean-defense before the fire-place; but
the object that attracted our attention
was a young girl sitting in the corner of
the apartment. Her face, was as dark as
a gypsy's, and the long hair-hung loose to
her shoulders ; her dress was of poor ma
• terial, ragged and unclean. Patches and
rents had almost changed its hue and dis
guised its texture. She seemed too thinly
clad for that cold night, and her slender
frame shivered as if from cold, as the
chilly air from the open door swept in.
"What do you want V" was the stern
question addressed to us by one of the men
,at the fire. Dethre I had time to reply
the girl sprang to her feet and spoke in-.
stead : ".krrest these men !" Here _voice
was low, but ber face flashing on the
light of the fire, was that of the Nemesis
I - had seen that day.
inner goer
There was a short fierce struggle, and
the men were in our power. The girl
then walked to a place in the floor, and
touching a concealed spring lifted a trap
door. bhe bade Mr. lift the box
that lay in the hidden place. The' lid
was wrenched off, and in it were the old
merchant's money, papers and pocket
book. With the money was found the
bill and the word tieanal," written across
the back.
It was not long before the men con
fessed their crime. The old man had
been murdered, and his body thrown into
the ricer.
The daughter accomplished her mis
sion.. She had carried out her designs,
and traced to their hiding places the
prods of the murderer's crime. It is use
less to state what " followed. Long years
h Lye fled since then, and the Nemesis is
yet among the living. Beautiful still,
there are many hearts to grow glad at
her smile, and share with her the joys of
the home she charms.
The Planets and their Inhabitants.
11. Figuier, Sr noted French scientific
gentleman, says, that modern astrono
my has demonktrated that there are other
worlds than oyrs, that the earth simply
makes a part of a class or a group ofsturs
which do not differ essentially, and that
there is an ininity of other gloves like it,
proceeds to consider the internal afiitirs of
the other worlds. Since there is nothing
to distinguish the earth from the other
planets of the solar system—Mercury, Ve
nus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus,• and
Neptune, he argues that we must find in
the others as we find here—air and water,
a hard soil, rivers and seas, mountains and
valleys. There must be found also in them
vegetation and trees, and traces covered
with verdure and shade. There must be
in them animals and even men, or at least
beings superior to animals and corres pond
ing to our human type.
"Science has shown that the physical
and climatological connections of the earth
and the other planets are identical. On'
these planets, as on the earth, the au u
shines and disappears, yielding place to
night, cold and - darkness succeed to heat
"and light. In them, as ou the earth, the
rich carpet of herbage covers the plains,
and luxuriant woods covers the mountains.
Rivers flow majestically off to the seas.—
Winds blow regularly or irregularly and
purify the atmosphere by mingling their
strata charged in different degrees with
the produce of the evaporation of their
soiL In quiet nights, dwellers on these
planets see the same heavenly spectacle
that delights our eyes, the same constella
tions, the same celestial visitors. They
have panoramic views of the pl.
globes with their followino of fait}
elites and luminops stars snining li
ly brandished torches. Once in
there is a sudden luminous trail wl
rows the heavens like a flash of si
is a star that shoots and drops
depths of space. Again, it is a cum
a beautiful tail that comes to briny
from worlds millions of miles awa;
The planetary man,ae.cordin' g ti
lief, corresponds to the terrestial
the planet the process of creation
gamied life must be the same as
earth ; the successive order of appf
of living creatures is the same as
globe. And, like the terrestial m
planetary man dies, is transforms
death into a superhuman, and passe
into ether.
As welcome as sunshine
In every place
Is the bedming approach
Of a good-natured face
As genial as sunshine,
Like a warmth to imps:
IA a good-natured word
From a good-natured hen
kV 4 1,1 1 J) #1•111i >tvi-z) ;7: 1 14 >0 ;312/, y 44 i&lh sk its kis si ;/S KIWI o kIEO )1 , :0 AtO >iv
It is only within the past century that
-the law has required' in case of murder,
the finding and - identification of the vie
tim. Previous to that, if a man disap
peared, and
.hii absence could not be ac
counted for, a person to whom circumstan
tial evidence pointed as his probable mur
derer could be arrested and hanged for
the alleged crime. • A most extraordina
ry case, which occured during the war be
tween England and France, at the be
giniug of the present century, first called
particular attention to the singular law,
and was ultimately the cause of its being
replaced by the statute as it now stands.
The story is substantially as follows :
Two Englishmen, uncle and nephew,
took their quarters at a well-known inn
in Portsmouth close to the pier—They
were well received by the landlord, for
they had plenty of money in their possess
ion. The uncle, whom we will call Wil
liam, suggested to his companion, who
shall be called Robert, in the hearing of
the landlord, that they should hand their
money to their host for safe keeping.—
Robert objected, and proposed that they
should keep it on their persons. This was
agrJed to.
at night theysiccupied the same room
and the same bed. The inn was an old
-fashioned irregular betiding. their .
bed-room the two men could enter a long
passage which ran along the end of the
house to the pier. They went to their
room together about 11 o'clock at night.
Next morning Robert entered the land
lord's room in great haste, and asked the
landlord whether he knew what had be
come of his uncle. The landlord said he
did not. At the same time he observed to
his horror that the hands of R.thert were
stained with blood. The landlord arose
and suggested that they should go to the
bed room together. They did so. On enter
ing a terrible spectale met the landlord's
gaze. The clothes of the bed which 11'10,
evidently been occupied by two person
were stained all over with blood.. The
pillow was saturated with it. The wash
basin and the stand were also bespattered
with blood. On the dressing-table lay a
large jockey or sailor's knife, the handle
and blade all bloody. Drops of blood
marked the floor from the bedside to the
door which opened to the passage referred
to. The landlord told Robert the case
was a very suspicious one, and that ho
must place it in the hands of the proper
authorities. He did forthwith. Robert
was arrested. On being searched, his
clothes were found to be bloolly: - Blood
stains were discovered in the passage from
the bed-room doer to the water's edge,
where apparently there had been a strug
gle. On Robert were found the purse and
papers of the missing man.
Robert, who manifested coolness and
presence of mind, told the following story:
After his uncle and he had been iu bed
a short time, the former who lay on the
outside, complained that his nose was
bleeding. Presently he got up and went
to the washstand. He used water freely,
but in vain. The bleeding continued,aud
so violently that the. then both became a
larmed. Robert suggested the application
of cold iron to the,back of his uncle's neck.
He took his jack-knife out of his pocket
and applied it accordingly. In attending
his uncle his hands and shirt were stained
with blood. As the bleeding still contin
ued, William dressed himself and said he
would go out atthe side door and walk on
the pier in the cold morning air. Before,
doing so he handed his pocket book and
purse to his nephew to keep until his re
turn. Robert fell asleep after his uncle left
and was astounded when he awoke in the
morning to find that he had not returned. •
Robert was indicted fbr murder—All
the circumstances were against him. The
jury believed that William bad been mur
dered and his body carried down to the
water and flung in. Robert was accord
ingly convicted and sentenced to be hang
ed and he was accordingly in a few days.
Two years afterwards the missing man
returned. He confirmed every word his
nephew had uttered in his defence. When
William reached the pier on the night of
° supposed murder, he turned to the
left, and had only gone a few paCes when
he was pounced upon by a press-gang.
He was overpowered and carried to a boat,
and in an hour found himself ou board a
british sloop of war in Southampton wa
ters. The vessel was getting under way.
In her he remained for three months with
out a chance of writing to his friends.—
Thou the ship was captured by a French
frigate, and William spent twenty months
in a French prison, On his release he re
- "
Heart Graves.
The earth is a churchyard, full &graves
- with no head stones, and no overgrowing
grass-full of vaults, not built in the shape
of dim chapels, nor upon green hillsides,
lint borne about in living charnel houses,
even in beating hearts. We walk with
the dead under our feet, by our sidee, and,
saddest of all, within-our-hearts, There
are therein fewer graves -with stone col
umns than without, Human beings have
bright and idolized hopes, but they perish
and are buried without epitaphs ; t h e y
form expectations that fzil in a shaglemo.
meat and are mourned for a kfetutes yet
with an unspoken lamentation. There are
more ashes in living beings than hi aculp
tured funeral urns, and they are pala eeld
ashes, too, that lie upon living coals of
fire, till the flamo is smothered and gone ;
cold ashes that aro swept from the ruins
of such proud, high temples as youth,hopc
and young love only build. They are
heaped high over the dark ruins, and when
a single ray of sunshine falls upon them,
we smile•and are happy. Oh; how these
temples have been wept for when they have
fallen! How the gorgeous castles have been
mourned for when they have crumbled,
and - the brilliantly illuminated fancies,
when they have faded in darkness! All
iu silence have these graves been dug; bit
ter tears have hallowed them when the
companion on the pillow knows not that
they were shed. The soul has prostrated
itself in its sad cemetery when the world
has nee the man or woman stand proudly
erect. It has been said, that there are
souls that have no summer, but it is not
so ; if winter covers all it is because the
spring flowers have died, and the young
hopes have perished and been buried in
those sad, sad, sepulchers ; the burial ser
vices have often been said when God was
the only priest, good angels the only pall
bearers and the lone heart the only
Brothers have made graves and sisters
have not known it. Sisters have buried
idols and brothers not known they were
worshipped. Husbands have laid away
the dead out of the sight of wives. 'Wives
made sepulchers which husbands have
never seen. No grass grows on these graves,
no birds sing to them, and no fl owers
spread their sweet perfume above them.—
That "they are not dead, but sleeping,"
for the pale occupants glide in and out at
all hours of life, and the resurrection is
but the signal for a new burial.
So we live, smile and count our joys,
while we carry graves in onr bosoms, and
have the dead ever for companions—dead
hopes, dead loves, dead ambitions and de
sires.. The heart gathers October leaves
from its garden, and piles them high on
its mould of death, but the gale of life
drifts the:n off, and the tombs stand nak
ed and forlorn. Sometimes we may read
an inscription in the dimmed eye, and the
silvered hair, the strange lines of care, and
the bonded form; but usually each sees
the dead of his own heart.
When the morning of the resurrection
comes to that phantom thing, which lies
buried in human bosoms, we shall meet
in the gates of the golden city, and the
vast multitudes may come up purified and
made beautiful, but no loz.ger mourned.
Riches and Honors.
A distinguished man lay on his death
bed, when a great mark of distinction and
honor was brought to him. Turning a
cold glance on the treasure he would once
have clutched with an -eager grasp, he
said, with a sigh, "Alas! this is a very
fine thing in this country; but I am go
ing to a country where it will be of no use
to me." Who can reflect without sadness
on the closing moments of the gallant
Gen. Neill ? His life-long dream was
to obtain the little batoia and ribbon of
marshal of France. Ho could not sleep
after seeing it conferred on McMahen
as a reward of valor in the battle of Mag
enta. Before the nest engagement, he
told his, friends that this time he would
wiu the prize he so much coveted. The
conflict was over and they sought him
anxiously upon the gory field. They
foUnd him. almost chrusivd beneath his
war-horse, and the practiced eye of the
surgeon . told him that life would soon be
over. Word was sent to the Emperor,
who quickly arrived, and taking from
his own breast the badge of the marshal
of France, he-placed it over the heart of
his faithful follower. The life long dream
was realized, and with a single throb of
exult<rnt joy and gratitude he threw his
arms about the neck of his sovereign; the
nest instant he fell back into the embrace
of King Death. •
Oh, how can we struggle, and toil, and
distract our hearts from the one great
purpose of life, simply to gather• about us
possessions which, though they may be
very fine things in this country, will be
of no use to us in the country we are so
shortly going to?
unselfish love is the mainspring of men's
actions ; wherever happpinesa is placed,
not on what we can gain for ourselves,
but on what we can impart to others ;
wherever we place our highest satisfaction
in gratifying our fathers and mothers, our
sisters and brothers, our wives -and chil
dren, our neighbors and friends—we are
sure to attain all the happiness which the
world can bestow.
Wisdom and truth, the offspring of the
sky, are immortal; but cunning and de
ception, the meteors of the • earth, after
glittering for a moment must 'silt pip a
The tears of our misery often prevent
our eyes from seeing the mercy close at
, Tho future destiny of the• child is al
ways the work of the mother. .
0, there's a power to make each hour
As sweet as heaven designed it;
Nor need we roam tobring it home,
Though few there be that film it.
We seek too high for things close by,
And lose what nature found us;
For life bath here no friends so dear
As home and friends around us. •
We oft destroy the present— '
For future hopes—and praise them,
While flowers as sweet bloom at our feet,
If we'd but stoop to raise them ;
For things afar still sweeter are
When Youths bright spell hath bound
Soon we're taught the earth bath naught
Like home and friends around as.
The friends that speed in time of ned,
When hope's last reed is shaken,
Do show us still that, come what will,
We are not quite forsaken.
Though all were night, if but the light
From friendship's altar crowned us,
T'would prove the bliss of earth was this
Our home and friends around us,
"Some Shaking."
Tom is a queer genius, and tells some
tall ones occasionally. He visited us the
o_ther_day_in_our sanctum with a
"How do you do, old fellow ?"
"Hallo, Tom," says we, "where have
you been so long ?"
"Why, sir, I've been down on Severn
river, in Anne Arundle county, taking
Shanghai notes on the chills and fever."
"Ah, indeed," said we, "are they very
bad down there ?"
"Rather bad," said Tom dryly. "There
is one place where they have been attempt
ing to build a brick house for eight weeks'.
Well the other day as the hands were put
ting up the bricks preparatory to finish
ittg they were taken with a chill, and
shook the whole building complet el y
down, and kept on shaking till the bricks
were dust of this finest quaity. Just at
that juncture, the chills came on with re
ne ved force, and they commenced shak
ing with such gusto, that they were entire
ly obscured for hours, and the people of
the neighborhood thought the sun was, in
an eclipse."
"Gas !" said we.
"Not at all," said Tom.
"Why, I was sixteen miles further down
the river the othefday, and saw four men
carrying a big pine log from on board a
schooner to the shore. The chills came on,
and they shook the lug, which was thirty
feet long, all up in pieces of the proper
length for firewood, and then taking a re
shako of it, split and piled it up, at the
same time shaking all the knots out of it!"
"Can't believe anything like that, Tom."
"It's a. fact," said Tom, and he resumed
—"there's a farmer down there who, in
an apple-picking seasonihauls his niggers
out to the orehard,and sets one up against
each tree. In a short time the chills come
on, and every apple in the orchard is sha
ken off the trees on to the ground."
"Fact," said Tom, "They keep a man
alongside of each negro to take him away
as soon as the fruit is off, for fear that he
will shake the tree down !"
. Tom continued "Mr. S , a friend
of mine, and a house carpenter, was en
gaged a few days ago in covering the roof
of a houSe with shingles. Just as he was
finishing the chill came on, and he shook
every shingle ()lithe roof. Same of them
are supposed to be flying about yet."
"Another gentleman near the same
place, was taken with a chill the other
day at dinner, and shook bis knife and
.fork down his throat, besides breaking all
the crockery-ware on the table. His lit
tle son, who was sitting at the table at
the same time, was taken with a chill and
shook all the buttons off his inexpressi
bles,and then shook himself clear of them!"
We then prevailed upon Torn to desist,
who did so with the understanding that
he was to give us the balance at some
other time.
How to Live Long.
They live longest, as a class, who
lead calm and even lives, mentally and
phisically ; who are exempt from the tun
moils and strains which are incident to
human existence, and who are assured of
to-morrow's bread There is no one thing,
aside from the blessiclness of an implicit
reliance on the Providence of God, which
has such a direct influence in promoting
longevity as an assurance, felt to be well
grounded, of a comfortable provision for
life, for all the ordinary wants of our ex
istence. Not long ago a man died in a
poor house in England, where be was ta
ken care of for ninety years; he had no
anxieties for to-morrow's bread; he had no
trouble about providing for wife and ehil
dred, lest they be turned out of house and
home. He had uo notes to meet in bank,
which if not paid by a certain day and
hour would involve protest and finantial
ruin. Ah this load of debt. how it grinds
ones manhood to powder; how it shames a
man's honor; bow it has driven to despera
tion, to drunkenness, to suicide, to mur
der ! How the angiaisi of it takes the
energy and health out .a man, and makes
him pine and languish for weary days and
weeks on beds of thorns, which pierce
through the body, into the soul!
So one good way to avoid sickness and
mature death is to avoid debt as you
would the devil.—Balls Journal of Health
When, several hours afterwards, the
master of the farm yard asked him upon
what ground he had suffered the poor fel
low to hang himself:
"Faith," replied Patrick, "I don't
know what you may mean by ground.—
I know I was so good to him that I fetch
ed him out of the water two times ; and
I know, too, he was wet through every
rag, and I thought he hung himself up
to dry."
AP 4/
Three in one—ice, snow and water. 1 A contented mind gives peace.
A crusty old bachelor in Congress propaee
to levy a tax of twenty-five percent. on
corsets whereupon a down East paper re
marks : "Since there is no tax on men get
ting tight,why should not ladies have the
same prvelagc?
&u Oregon toast over a glass of ardent:
'Hear's what makes us wear old clones! l
No Mistake in Nature.
How many of all the people in the world
sit down themselves once in a lifetime and
sincerely thank God that any one of . the
breaths they breathe doesn't kill them?
And ) et, but for the nice and unvarying
proportions . with which the poisonous and
the wholesome gasses mingle to form the
atmosphere, one breath might do this.—
The plague that once came down on Lon
don, by which multitudes fell in a day,
so that the living were not enough to bury
the dead, was only the result of wrong
mingling of gasses, just a apothecsiries'
clerks sometimes give us oxaltic acid for
seidlitz powders.
Why shouldn't oxygen lose its vitaliz
ing property just for one breath, and that
be the end of us ? Or, when we eject the
carbon from our lungs, itself a deadly poi
son, why should it not remain close at
hand to be exhaled at the next inspiration,
especially when we repeat the operation
something over thirty thousand times eve
-ry day ?
Dr. Holmes says that walking is con
tinual falling, and that if the foot was not
put forward at just the right moment to
receive the weight of the body, we should
just so often find ourselves prone in the
dust, And so with ;every breath we breathe,
if the provisions were not carefully . ap
plied, would be the occasion of our sink
ing into the valley and shadow of death.
It is thus that these safeguards are
placed on every hand, How could the
merchant trait his ship to the ocean, if
water might. at any time lose its density?
With how much expectancy could the
farmer sow his seed, if there were no pro
vision for it to grow up out of the ground
instead.of into it? If he might raise corn
when he planted peas, or potatoes might
yield onions, or if all the seed he sowed
might yield nothing, with—what—courage
could he sow, or with what confidence
could we expect anything to cat?
What puts strength in the timber that
supports the roofs over our heads? And
after it is rut there, why should it remain
and. thus we sit -comfortably, day
after day, at our desk, and in our homes,
without feeling a continual uneasiness,
lest we find ourselves buried in rubli:Eh ?
Why is it that we can open our eyes
mechanically every morning, and then
dress ourselves leisurely and thoughtless•
ly, without feeling amazed that every
thing is simply because these provisions
in nature are God's laws. In them He is
continually rnaifwting His goodness and
His care. They are thus expressions of
His Providence, and in them we witness
miracles every day ?
—"Why shouldn't we crow ?" Said the
speck.led hen.
"Why not?" said the white ben!
"Why not?" said all the hens, as the
question went round.
"We are as cleaver, as strong, as hand
some, just as good as that domineering
old cock; in my opinion we are superior!"
said the speckled hen.
• "And in mine," said the white hen.
"And in mine," said all the hens, much
impressed and excited by this new view
of things:
,they . practiced and stretched out
their necks, and stuck their heads on one
side, all in imitation of the old cock; and
a very remarkable noise they made.
"Hey-day !" said the old rooster, stop
ing to listen as he ran through the yard:
"My dear creatures, what are you at?
give up that nonsense; while you keep to
clucking you are highly respectable—
when you take to crowing you can't think
what rediculous figures you cut. Keep
to clucking, dears, keep to clucking!"
In a case of assault and battery, where
a stone bad been thrown by the defendant
the following dear and conclusive evidence
was drawn out of a Jerseyman:
"Did you see the defendant throw the
stone ?"
"I saw a stone, and it's pretty sure the
defendant throwed it."
• "Was it a large stone ?"
"I should say it wur a largish stone."
"What was its size?"
"I should say a sizable stone."
"Can't you answer definitely how big
it was?"
"i should say it war a stone of some
"Can you give the jury some idea of
the stone ?"
"Why as nearas I can recollect, it wur
"Cant you compare it to some other ob
"Why, if I wur to compare it, so as to
give some notion-of the stone, I should
say it wur as large as a lump of chalk."
"But the distance—how long was it ?"
"Well, I shot say about the length
of a piece of string. "
laborer attempting to drown himself, an
Irish reaper who saw him go into the wa
ter leaped after him and brought him
safe to the shore.
The fellow attempting it the second
time, the reaper got him out the second
time; but the laborer deterniined to de
stroy himself, watched an opportunity,
and hanged himself behind the barn-door.
The Irishman observed him, but never
offered to cut him down.
$2,00 PER YEAR
iso ;3 m *l3l
Writ and Jurnor.
3.intual friends—Keroseim and .coro
A good wife and health, is man's best
Why is old age like a dog's tail ?—Be
cause it is in-firm.
Barbera make many friends but serape
more aequaintences.
Why is a young girl like a music book?
Becaus she is full of airs
Daily newspaper paragraphing is get
ting to be fearfully abbreviated. Here's
a specimen rect►rding a death: "Clay Spen
cer, colored, pint of Memphis whisky."
If there are 6G0,000 grains in a bushel
of wheat—and somebody says there are—
how many drams are there in a quart of
old rye.
The other Sunday a lady who teaches ,
a class in the Sabbath school of a Pitts
fied church, misAd her Bible, which she
had laid down for a moment. She look
ed about the. floor, in the rack and else
where, but didn't find it 411 the teacher of
another class told her it was on her bustle
where a mischievous member of her class
had lodged it, just
A married friend of ours said he would
always have remained single, but he
couldn't aftbrd it. What it cost him ,for
"gals and ie.. cream," was more than he
now pays to bring up a wife and eight
children. Bachelors should think of this.
Somebody who evidently knows how
i amse rennerkerthat—when—
you see a young lady making a fuss over
a widower's children, make up your mind
that if she don't soon have the right to
spank 'em, it won't be her fault.
A French authoress says: "A kiss gives
more pleasure than anything else in the
world.' To this an editor responds: "That
writer evidently never experienced the
childish rapture . of descending the stairs
by sliding down the bannisters."
A funny incident happened in New
York city avenue car the other day. Of
course there was a crowd, and of course
the conductor asked the passengers to
move up alittle further front," when one
gentleman cried out, "I say, conductoil
these young ladies 'are almost squeezed to
death now, and I protest against sqeez
in,,c, them any tighter. If you want it
done you'll have to come forward and do
it yourself." •
A Chicago girl wrote to her lover in
Springfield, Mass., just after the fire,
saying: Our wedding day was set for nest
week, and if you will stand up with a.
woman dressed in a cotton skirt and her
father's overcoat, come on." The brave
youth Telegraphed in reply: "Get ready,
.1 will be with you." .
Tho pioneer Methodist preacligr, Peter
Cartwright, uttered many wise and odd
and witty sayings. lie was often much
annoyed at one sister, more noisy than pi
ous, who would go off on a high key at
every opportunity. At an animated class
meeting one day she broke out with, "If
I had one more feather in the wing of my
faith, I could fly away and 'be with the
"Stick in the feather, 0 Lord ! and let
her go," fervently responded Brother Cart
wright. • _ _
A humorous young man was driving a
horse which was in the habit of stopping
at every house on the roadside. Passing
a country tavern, where there were col
lected together some dozen countrymen,
the animal, as usual, ran opposite the
door and then ' stopped, in spite of the
young man, who applied the • whip with
all his might to drive the horse on. The
men in the porch commenced a hearty
laugh ' 'and some inquired if he would sell
that horse. "Yes," said the young man,
"but I cannot recommend him, as he once
belonged to a butcher, and stoplowheney •
er he hears any calves bleat.". The crowd
retired to the bar room in silence.
A man from one of the rural districts
recently went to Washington to see the
sights: A member of the Hotise, whos.e.
constiluent he was, said: "Come up to
morrow and I will give you a seat on the
floor of the House."
"No, you don't 1" replied Oonathan ; "I
always manage to have a cheer to set on
at home, and I bet I hain't come to
Wash'n'ton to set of the floor ! Injens
may do that when they, if they like, but I
that am civilized, don't do it."
A Wrstz BATx.--An• Ameiican trav
eler &tiring while in Paris to take a bath
his physician recommended a wine bath.
In the employ of the establishment sou a.
colored man whom he had, known iu A
merica, and of him he inquired how they
could afford to given wine bath for seven
ty-five cents.
"Why mean," said the riegro, "that
wine has been in the bath room one week,
. you are the thirty-eighth person that
has bathed in it."
"Well, I suppose they throw it away
when they are done with it."
"Oh I no, mem; they send .:it dOwn
stairs for the, poor people, who bathein it
tor twenty-fice cents."
"And then what do they do will it?"
"Bottle it up and send it .to America,
where they sell it for French wine."
A. Boston paper rays that the best way
'to the !at. of wo..mon I: to pier s
ood home on it and a - good rarn in ; the