The Waynesboro' village record. (Waynesboro', Pa.) 1871-1900, February 15, 1872, Image 1
.4* . '.'b);o-',fir''--...-:4.1',-4-i..'4,tOri;(_.: BY W. BLAIR. VOLUME 24. czett pottrg. THERE CONES A TM, There comes a time when we grow old, And like a sunset down the sea, Slope gradual, and the night wind cold Comes whispering sad and chillingly ; And locks are gray As winter's day, And eyes of saddest blue behold The leaves all weary drift away, And lips of faded coral say,— "There comes a time when we grow 01d..' There comes a time when joyous hearts, Which leap as leaps the laughing main, Are dead to all save memory, As prisoner in his dungeon chain ; Ilath passed away, The moon hath into darkness rolled. ,And by the embers wan and gray, • I hear a voice in whisper say,— • "Tkvire comes a time when we grow old." There comes a time when manhood's prime Is shrouded in the midst of years; And beauty fading like a dream, Hath passed away in silent tears; n. en, c — r — L • • But. oh, the spark Tiard,i;indled - youth to - tines Still - horns. With clear and steady ray__ And food affections, lingering say,— "There cooles a quie.ylien we grow old." There comes a time when laughing. spring And golden summer ceases to be; And we puton the autumn robe: To tread the last declivity ; But now the slope With rosy hope, Beyond the sunset we behold, Another dawn with fairer light-; While theyivhisperthrough the night, "There's alime when we.grow old." Alisttllnurous airatling. TRIED AND TRUE. In the year 1851 there were Along the early American settlers of 'California two brothers named Thompson, who having come thither from an Eastern State at the begining of the gold excitement, three years before, and laboring conjointly for 'the more generous fitvors of fortune, with out comMensurate results, decided at last to separate for a time—the one to go to the mines and work fir the fraternal part nership—while•the other remained in the city and improved such chanc.a as ordi nary business should offer. By such an arrangement two promising fields would be worked at once, and its wisdom was e qually obyious to both young men ; but when it came to the question of Which. should assume the harnsbips and perils of a miner's life, neither exhibited any alac rity to name himself for the adventure. To decide this delicate point they drew lots, by which formula of late the elder Thompson was doomed to become. the nii ni;r, and accordingly procured an out-fit and prepared to have the city. Before takiflg the latter step, however, the miner elect chose to bring a little romance of his California life to a climax by wedding to a young Eastern norain, who, like him: selt, had lest horn.: to woo fortune on the Pacific coast, and, although he could not, take ner with him into the wild, conithrt, less life of the mines, the satisfaction of feeling that he had at least secured her for himself, and had a beloved brother in whose cure to leave her, gave'him more courage and inspiration for his departure than might have been possible to him as a bachelor. Wedded he was, then, and after a honeymoon of heroic brevity he consigned his bride to the protection of his brother, and bravely marched away with pick and shovel to the gold fields of the North. Eager as h* naturally was to dig his prize from the earth and hasten back to the greater prize left behind, he was yet firmly resolved to deny himself' wife, brother and home until he could in deed be the bearer of some share of wealth. So when the first essay in the mines did not wholly prove satisfactory, he went sturdily onward into the Indian country, and, amongst the red men, added trap-. ping and hunting to his mining pursuits ; - Thence moving still further northward, he reached Fraser river, wheal the excitement about the auriferous yields of that locali, ty was at its height, and therefore suc ceeded in digging no less than two hun dred ounces of the precious dust, which he at once sent to his wife and brother in San Francisco. From them lie had thus far heard no thing ou his travels, for it had been a greed that they should not write until he should be in, some place reached by regu lar mails ; but now he was impatient and to learn how they regarded his present, and fel tome they would devise some means of forwarding their written congratula ins. The feeling was in vain, however. e letter came, and after months of wait ing, the indignant Thompson wrote to a friend iu San Francisco with inquiries res pectuig the silent ones. The answer came that they had recently disappeared from the city together ; having apparently in their possession a'consideable sum of money ob tained, no one knew . exactly how. The miner, of course; knew whence the money came, but ouch intelligence of its seeming effects upon those whom he had held dea rest in the world, appealed to his appre hensions in a most sinister'sense. He be lieved that he was doubly' betia,Yed ; that his wife and his brother had basely and heartlessly practised the blackest treachery against hurt, finally using the gold lie had ,3ent to ho!r: thcm 1.- . 5. - ;;;; 41 1114 -.Heartrending and deverate, the poor tm. low thought not of any good foitutte for himself, but cared only for such wander ing, wild adventure and savagery as should divert him from all retrospective and ten der thoughts. He joined an expedition to the' teat Salt, Lake, as it is called, and remained in the wilderness, boyond the reach of mail or messenger, for several years. Return ing finally to Victoria, or Fraser river, he --- wort-vvittranother—expedition—to_ldaho, and there, and In Montana, he was lost until as late as 1866. From the latter year until 1868 he was a resident Of Salt Lake City, going from thence to the fa mous White Pine mines of Nevada,about eighteen - months - ago. Fortune-smiled-not upon his te_erally listless efforts, he had a lifa of comfortable vagabondage, and the twenty years cf his absence from San Francisco wrought such lines in his hair as forky vu.:s euuld aet psc-dtwetrrinzt-eat_the.br some . weeks since, the hopeless and em bittered man visited the mining town of Eurake, Nevada, for the purpose of join ing a company fitting out for a trip to Arazona, and there, says the Eureka Sen tinel, telling his story, he was fated to be delivered at last from the delusion of twen ty miserable years. In the expeditiou pre paring for Arazona 'was anther man na med Thompson, who, though neither re- cognized or recognizing, at ,rs , prove , to be no otter than our miner's recent bro ther.-- - When the poor vagabond was in -formed of this, despite-his-wrongs, he fell-' upon his brother'aneck and cried like a -child f and not only—did-that—brother—re--' ceive and return the caress without shame, but he took the earliest opportaaityTht prove the other for leaving his wife and brother to suppose, fur nearly a score of years, that he was dead. " The gold had been received, but with out address, or a line to tell whether it came as a living pan's gift cr a dead lega cy. No letter from the miner had ever reached_wife_or brother, though they had sent many a ore to him. The. wife had _last felt obliged to conclude that her hus- band was, dead ; the gol been his dying gift, and with the money she bought a valuable farm near San Jose, where, wearing the weeds of widowhood, she still lives. As fbr the brother, hespent portions of the last fifteen years in pursuit of some trace of the miner, hoping at last to find his grave and sanctify it with the fraternal tear ; but now that he actually saw the living man before him, nothing was left for them but a rushing journey to a certain valley farm near San Jose, where the best, truest and staunchest would at once l eJome the most surprised and hap pieSt little woman in the world! "Ere this," continues the story, "there has been a meeting." The decline of life will pass in ease, Comfort and happiness for a man who has twenty years believed himself the victim of woman's -pertidity, Popular Fallacies. That warm air must be im mire, and that, consequently, it is hurtful to sleep in a comparatively warm room. A varm room is as easily ventilated as a cool one. The warm air of a close veaicle is Lss in jurious, be it ever so foul, from crowding, than to ride and sit still and fuel uncom fortably cold for an hour. The Worst that can happen from a crowded conveyance is a fainting spell; while sitting even less than an hour in a still, chilly atmosphere, has induced attacks of pamemonia, that is, inflammation cf the lungs, which often proves fatal in three or four days. It always positively injurious to sleep in a close room where water freezes, becanse such a degree of cold causes the negative. ly poisonous carbonic acid gess of a sleep ing room to settle near the floor, where it is breathed and rebreathed by the sleeper, and is capable of producing typhoid fevr in a few hours. Hence there is no adva tage, and always danger,especially to wea. ly persons, in atmosphere colder than ' freezing point. That it is necessary to the proper a. efficient ventilation of a room, even warm weather, a window or door should left open. T4is is always hazardous the sick and cppvalescent. Quite as a plan of ventilation, and as efficient, to keep a lamp or small fire burning the fire-plaCe, this creates a drift and. , rice bad air - and gasses up the chimael That outdoor exercises befOre breaki, are healthful. .It is never so. And, frt the very nature of things, is hurtful, pecially to persons of poor health, aith the very vigorous practice it with imr nity. In winter the body is easily chi] through and through, unless the stoma, has been fortified with a good warm bra fast ; and in warm weather miasmatic .1. malarious gasses and eminations speed act upon the empty and weak stomach a way to speedily vitiate the circulati and induce fever and ague, diarrhea, dysentery ; entire fan4lies, who' have ranged to eat breakfast before leaving house, and to takesupper before &midi have had complete exemption from and ague, While the community aroi them was sutibring from is, from ha , neglected these precautions. That whatever lessens a cough it " for it, and, if persevered in, will cup On the contrary, all coughs aro cured by promoting and incrasing tl because nature endeavors to bring up phlegm and yellow matter which is in lungs, and the lungs cannot heal while the matter is there. And as it cannot be got rid of whatever coughing, the more coughing there is the sooner it is got rid of—the sooner are the lungs cleared out for the fuller and freer reception of pure air, which is their natural food. The on ly remedies which can do any good coughs arc such as loosen the phlegm,emd thus less cough is required to bring it tip. Those remedies are warmth, outdoor pa urciscs, and auyEllitig which slightly nau seatcs.—HatrB Tuurncil of H. 7 a1.61,- A FAMILY NEWSPAP.ER-DEVOTED'TO LITERATURE, LOCAL AND GENERAL NEWS, ETC. WA - YNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, FEBRUARY-15j8-72.--- How to be Millionaires. As there is no royal road of learning, so also is there no short-cut to exception al influence. It is posible, according to = tatistics,-for-only-one-thousand—men—i t the United States to grasp $1,000,000 a tear. Or, rather, such a grasp is impos sible, for it would be a grasp ,of all the yearly products of the Union, which no conceivable thousand men could make successfully. A-writer—in-2-the—Galaxy,- hciwever, enumerates a few of the condi tions, positive and negative, which may be regarded as indispensible to the aver age achievement of a millionaire's pos.:- don. You must be-a-veiy-able-manTas-near ly all millionaires are. You must devote your life to the get ting and keeping of other .men's earn ings. and you must rise early and lie down late. You must care little or nothing about other men's wants or sufferings, or dis appointments. You must not mind it, that your great wealth involves many other's property. You must not give away money ex cept for a material equivalent. vo meanderin titre, nor spend your time enjoying air. earth, sky and water ; for thero is no money in it. You - must not =direct your thoughts from the great purpose of your life, wilt the efi - arms — lns of art and litersitiire. ouniust not let_philosophy or reli gion engross you during the secular time. You must not allow your wife and children to occupy much of your valuable time and thoughts. You must never permitthe fascination of friendship to inveigle you into making loans, however. EM all. You must abandon all other ambitions or purposes, and finally : You must be prepared_to sacrifice ease, and_all_fanciful notions you mazyhave a- out tas es and - htxuriem - anii — enjoyments T during most, if not all of your natural life. You must keep all you have got, get :all you can, be mean and stingy, oppress the poor, be a hog, and you can be rich. A young lady of Massachusetts who was an ardent admirer of Wendrell Phil ips, and a firm advocate of prohibit°. , when riding from her father's country seat to a neighboring village; met a .young man on foot who was carrying a suspicious looking jug. She at once reined in her horse, and asked him what be had in his Jug. Looking up with - a comical leer, he simply winked one eye and smacked his lips, to indicate that it contained some thing good. The young lady supposirg he meant al c)hol immediately began to talk temper ance, but her auditor requested the priv ilege of first asking her just one questinn, "What is it? she inquired. "It is this," he replied, "Why is my gig like your side-saddle ?" She could not tell. . "It's because it holds a gal-on," said he. "What trifling!" exclaimed the indio•- n Int young lady, and then continua; "Young man do you not per.— "Just one more question," interrupted her auditor, "and then I'm done. Why is my jug also like the assembly room of a female seminary at roll-call ?" "I'm sure I don't know," petulantly re plied the young lady. "Well it's Lei motive. .'hey who feel what Jesus has done for them are the best helpers. He went about doing good. He died to_save sinuere. May you be led by the holy spir it to be a helper for Lis sake?— Young It is given to some women to see a point clearly and state it comprehensive ly—for instance, An lowa woman con cludes a sensible . article against woman suffrage thus pointedly: "Yon may look at this matter in whatever light you will, but simmer it down, and it is but a quar rel with the Almighty that we aro not all men." An honest death is bettet than a dis honest life. Total Abstinence. full o' lasses," BY It:CHAIM 310.NCKTON 3IILNES Youth, that persuest with such eager pace y even way, Then pantest on to win a mournful race; Then stay ! oh stay ! Pause and luxuriate on thy sunny plain ; Loiter,—enjoy ; Once past, thou never wilt come back again A decond boy, . _ The hills of manhood wear a noble face When seen from far ; The light from which . they take their grace Hides what the arc. • Dark and weary path those cliffs between Thou canst not know; . And how it leads to regions never green, Dead fields of snow. Which, all too fast, Will drive thee forth from this delicious plain A m aan at last. Wisdom and Truth. The ficklencs of fortune is felt all over the world. Our own heprt, and not other men's o pinions, forms our true honor, Life: • . either looking backward or forward. about na- Purity is the feminine, truth the mas culine of honor. We may look coldly upon the sweetest and most gentle dew of love till it becomes snow or frost. Much-of-the-unhappiness in the world arises-from-giving-utterance-to-hastyun kind words. • Simplicity is the great friend of nature; and if we might be proud of anything in this world, it should be of this happy alli ance. - At twenty-five we kill pleasure, at thir ty we • enjoy it, at forty we husband it, at fifty we hunt after it, at sixty we. regret Politeness is the outward garmeat—of goo -will; but many are the nutshells in which, if you crack them, nothing like a kernel is to be found. A wedded couple should always study each other's disposition, and mutually make all the allowance possible fbr the weak points in their respective charac ters. Hfxrs HEALTH.—The emotion of the mind has a powerful influence on the stomach." Let a person wLo is about to sit down to dinner with a good appetite receive a piece of news, either exceeding ly joyful or exceedingly distressing—his appetite is gone„ in a moment. Children who are about to set out on a pleasant journey, it is well-known, cannot eat.— This, when I was a boy, was called going "journey-proud." On the other hand, a blow on the stomach will sometimes take away life instantly; a drink of cold wa ter, when the body has been very hot, has often had the same effect. Attend to your companions when on a journy-afoot as their stomachs grow empty, how sullen and silent the whole become I Let a crust of bread, a little cheese, a glass' of ale or wino be taken, cheerfulness immediately reigns, even long before any nutriment has had time to reach the general circula tion. These things also show the gener al sympathy between the stomach and ev ery other part of - the body.—Journal of the Farm. DREARY HeatEs.—Of all the dreary places deliver us from the dreary farm houses which so many people call home. Bars for a front gate ; chickens wallow ing before the door; pig pens elbowing the house in the rear; scraggy trees nev er cared for, or no trees at all ; no flow ering shrubs; no neatness ; •no trimness. And yet a lawn, and trees, and a neat walk, and a pleasant porch, and a plain fence around, all do not cost a great deal. They can be secured little by little, at odd times, and the expense hardly be felt. And if ever the time comes when it is best to sell the farm, fifty dollars so in vested will often bring back five hundred. For a man is a brute who will not insen sibly yield f 6 a higher prke for such a farm when he thinks of the pleasant sur rountlings it offers his wife and children. FAST MEN.—The vicious die early.— ley fall like shadows, and tumble like creeks and ruins in the grave---often vhile quite young, generally this side of Orty. The "wicked shall not live out 2alf their days." The world at once sti les the truth, and simply calls them 'fast men"—that is, they live fast, get ing through twelve hours in six. "Their sun goes down while it is yet day." They night have helped this. Many a man iumanly speaking, dies long before his Burns, Byron, Edgar- Poe; - and Aber obscure and tameless "wandering Aare," died on the very threshold of life.— "Such men must die early. They put on steam till they blow up the boiler. They na at each rate that the .fire goes out for :ant of fuel. The machinery is destroy 'by reckless and rapikt wear. Nothiug a save them but total change of heart td life. The Mormons, not content with their substantial miracle in making the desert blossom like the rose, have performed an another published in the Deseret News,the church organ. The scene of the new miracle is laid in the Sandwich Islands, and distance has probahlygiven it all its enchantment. But according to the News, a man who for syears has a palsied cripple has been fully restored to health by the simple command of a Mormon Bishop, i!Arise and walk." • The result of the phenomenon has been a great increase in the number of native converts, who are deliehted with a religion which sanc tifies the ancient polygamous customs"of their grandfathers. YOUTH, THAT PURSUES?. A Dutchman's Joke. We had a German American fellow citizen, by the name of General Which —and a good soldier, too by the way. It -was-about-the-time-of--the battle of Stone River, when one day Captain Allen, of General W.'s staff came riding up to his head quarters, and the following conver sation ensued : "Veil Capitain," said the General, in a jolly mood, "vot is dernews mit der fronts ?" "0, not much of any news, General ; only a little sheaing go ing on." The General jumped on his feet, all excitement, and staff 4ficers and or derlies gathered around - to hear the news, while General-Willich exclained - F" ling! shelling! vot shelling? Vot ish der damage?" "0, not much damage, Gener al; it was only the boy's "shelling" a lit tle corn for their horsm" To say that this called out a lau drirn"- n -- 1 -- Mttav — ,hte the house down had there been any house there to bring down. The General laughed as heartily as the rest, exclaiming, "Dot ish coot, dot is some funs !" A little while after; General Harker, upon whose staff theu had the honor to be serving, rode over to Willich's head quarters, and - General - W;no - doubtthink= ing it a good opportunity to air his joke, replied, in answer to General Harker's question. 'e , ' wiat . t e news ? " "0, Sheneral, dare bees not ,much news—only der boys bees scheeling a leedle corn for der horses." He looked at us as. much as to say, "now is the time - for - the laugh to come in," and •himself 'broke into a boisterous "Ha'! ha !" which _caine_to_a_v_ery_suddea_termination then he saw that we did not join him. The 'officers who had been present at the for mer scene had by this time put in an ap pearence, by the General's morriment,and scraching his head in much perplexity, he exclaimed : "By dunder ! dare vas some dings funny apout dat ven I hears bin", put I dont not See were der laugh comes in alrett aint it ?" About that time he FUNNY BURGIARY.-A few months ago, two sisters living in Cincinnati retir ed to the sleeping room, which they occu pied jointly, and prepared for bed. Be fore retiring, one of them carefully coun ted out some money which she had in her pocket, amounting to forty-eight dollars, and put it away careful y iu a muff, the two discoursing merrily meanwhile con cerning burglars and the probabilities of the money being discovered there, if one should gain an entrace. They then went to bed, and, after chatting a while in fem inine fashion to sleep. Presently they were awakened by a slight noise. After lukening intently for some moments and hearing nothing more, their talk again fell upon burglars and other mysterious visi tants, and one of them exclaimed, "I see a spirit now." What was the terror of both to hear follow tke exclamation, the hoarse laugh of man within the very room. - It seems that the rascal had been secre ted under the bed, had heard all their con versation, and had witnessed (with much secret satisfaction, no doubt,) the conceal ment of the money in the muff. As soon as the ladies were asleep he crept out,and secured the money,a set of sable furs worth about $75, and a small lot ofjewelrv,and was in the act of leaving when the iadies awoke. He succeeded in keeping quiet until he heard that unlucky exclamation; but the idea of being mistaken for a spi rit was too funny for him, and he laughed out right. He succeeded, however, in es caping with his booty. It became necessary last week in the Criminal Court at Newport, Ky., in or' der to render a boy witness competent, to prove that he had reached the age of ten years, and his mother, an Irish -wo man, was called for that purpose. "How old is your son John ?" quoth the lawyer. "Indade, sir, I dinno, but I think- he's not tin yit," was the reply. . `Did you make no record of his birth ?" "The praist did, in -the ould country, where he was born." • ”How long after your marriage was that ?" "About a year ; may be lise." `•When were you married?' Dade, sir, I durum." "Did you not bring a certificate of your 'marriage with you from the old country ?" "Hey, sir ? and what should I nade wid a certificate whin I had the ould man himself along wid me?" Nor further questions were asked. TEE QUAKER A.143i - ±137; BULLY.-A genuine bully called upon a "Friend" a;• vowedly to thrash him. • ' - "Friend," remonstrated- the Quaker, knocking aside his visitor's fists, "before thou :proceedest to chastise me, wilt _thou take some dinner?" The bully was a glutton, end, at once consented, washing down the .solids with libations of Strong. 'ale. ire rose 'up 'a gain to fulfil his original errand: :Priend," said the Quaker, "wilt thon not first take some. _punch?" And he supplied abundance of punch... The bully, now 4stagering, attempted to thrash his entertainer; but, quoth the Quaker : not' take "Friend," wilt thou not . take a pipe ?" The hospitable offer was accepted and the bully, utterly weak, staogered across the room to chastise the , Quaker. The latter openingthe door, and pulling bim toward It, thus addressed him : "Friend. thou ceinerit here not to be pacified ; I gave _thee a. meat caring, but that did not sewage thy rage; I gave thee a drink offering, still thou ivert be side thyself. I gave thou a burnt offer - fug." And with that he.to?sed him cut of door. That sufficed him. The Boy the Fathet of the Man. Solomon said, many centuries ago, "Ev en a child is known by his doings, wheth= er his work be pure and whether it be right." , Some people seem to think that chil dren have no character at all. On the contrary, an observing eye sees in these young creatures the signs of what they. are likely to be for life. When I see a boy in haste to spend ev ery-penny-as-sootras-h-gets-itTl-think-it- a•sign that he will be a spend-thrift. When I see a boy boarding tip his n- nies - and - irawilhug to part with them for any good purpose, I think it a sign that ne will be a miser. When I see a boy or girl always look ing out for him or herself, and disliking it a sign that the child will grow up a selfish person. When I see boys and girls quarreling, I think it a sign that they will be violent men and women. When I see a little boy willing to taste strong drink, I think it a sign that be will be a drunkard. When-I see-a boy- who -never _attends to the services of religion, I think it a sign that he will be a profane and profli .-- f - n : When I see a child obedient to his pa rents, I think it a sign of great future blessings from his Heavenly Parent. And though great changes sometimes take place in the character, yet; as a gen eral rule, these signs do not fail. A Disous .1) C •.—A fe since there were several persons in a house where there was a young child some two or three days old—among them a black ener] boy of four summers. When the grandmother soon after came in with the haw in her arms, he was_much_pleased wit]; it, kissed it,and evinced every symp tom of delight ; asked his aunt where • . Dr. Adams ; then asked how much she gave for it. She told him ten dollars.— He then stood by her lap, on which the child was sleeping, his eves beaming with intense satisfaction. The babe soon a woke and squalled vociferously. Instant ly his countenance • fell, and with utter disgust pictured on his beautiful face, he turned arotpid and said— " Auntie, if I was you, I'd take it back to Dr. Adams and get my ten dollars back again !" Wong Hang Soon, one of the most prominent Chinamen in San Francisco, died lately, aged sixty-two. His funeral was conducted according, to the ceremonial of his own country, and was the most re markable demonstration of the sort ever seen in America. About twenty China men, dressed in long white robes, attend ed the hearse, and among these were two or three hired mourners, sustained by men walking on either side. The mourners curried Joss sticks and bent themselves toward the ground, appearing not to walk but to be dragged along by the attendants. There were fift3teight hacks and other carriages in line, four bands of music, and four or five express wagons loaded with propitiatory roast pigs, chickens, and all sorts complicated and uncertain edibles. DRUGGED Liouou:----A great deal is said about drugging liquor. If a !man drinks intoxicating drinks and gets drunk, he is very apt to apologize for it by say ing the liquor was drugged. But this is on ly a trick of the trade to avoid censure.— Drugged liquor is little or no worse than thatwhich is not drugged. Tb ey both be-. long to a class that have bad effects oat he body and Iravezio-business in it. Drun kards who - screen themselves from censure behind drugged liquor are either very cow ardly or very ignorant. Never ask a question in a hurry. "Tom a word with you." ".Be quick, then,. I am in a hurry." "What did you give your sick horse lother day ?" "A pint of turpentine." John hurries. home and administers the same dose 'to a favorite charger, which, strange to say, drops 'of defunct in half an hour,_ : His opinion of Tom's veterinary ability is somewhat stag gered. "I give thy a pint of tur pentine, and it killed him dead as Julius Omar." "So it did mine." A teacher . in one of the schools .in Bel mont had up - a class of four and five year olds, and was trying to teach them the names of the days of the week. After practising them awile, she asked a five year old girl. "What day is this ?""Wash ing day," was the quick reply. Don't cram the child at school.; it is bad for the brain; nor at the table—it is sorrow for the stomach; both bring doc tor's visits. "Here lies a man who never had an enemy," Then here lies a man who nev er had an idea.— Wendell Phillips: ' If good people would make goodness agreeable, and smile instead of frowning in their virtue, bow many would be won to the good cause. One brand of Cincinnati whisky is warranted to contaiL 437 fights to .the barrel. A marinFho gives his children habits of industry•, provides for them better than giving their a fortune. , - • Too many persons are far less asham ed of having,. done 'wrong than of being found out. . Are you one of them ? A cheerful face .nearly -as good for an invalid as healthy vea.ther. .• • • He that speaks ii oftiner men. burns hl3 own tongue. 82,00 PER YEAR NUMBER :4 Mit and (gumor. The ship that eveybody fellowship, A Troy girl says she had rather have her corsets tight than her fellow. Cla pot of paint each hand, aria you will in command respect and plenty of room in a crowd, A miners lamntatione•-- "Vein, Vein, give orer," The man who couldn't find Ms match went to bed in the dark, Why is a young girl like a music book When ii it . right to take any one in ? When it rains, Somebody asked why B stood before C. "Because," said his friend "a man must B before he can C." An Irishman, dscriling• the Growth of potatoes in-his-native island said as a clincher. "An sure a buhel of them would fill a barrel." "Will you have the kindness to hand me the butter before you ?" said the gen tleman politily to an ancient maid ? "I am no waiter, sir." "Is that so. .1 thought from your appearance, you had been wait ing a long time." Th — e - TollOwing speec was made sy tle winner of a prize in afoot race: "Gentle men, I have won this cup by the use of my legs ; I trust• I may never lose the use of my legs by the use of this cup." Two drunken chaps going home togeth er one night, tumble against a pump; _one_ofthem-took-hold-ofthe han • ./.1.1. swayed up and down unconsciously caus ed a copious flow of water from the noz zle of the pump. The other not recogniz ing the cause but hearing the noise, en couraged him—" Hie, that's right, ole fel ler, throw it all up, 'n you'll feel better?' The Pennsylvania Legislature is now engaged in cyphering out the answer to the following: If a Milkmaid, four feet ten inches in height; while sitting on a three legged-stool, took four pints of milk from fifteen cows, what was the size of the field in which the animals grazed, what was the girl's age. "Maria," said a lady to a colored cham ber-maid, "that's the third silk dress you have worn since yon came to me; pray how many do you own ?" "Only seven, misses, but I's'savin' my wages to buy aa oder." "Seven ! what use are seven silk dresses to you ? Why, I don't own so many as that." S'pect not, misses," soid the smiling darkey ; "you &isn't need 'em so much as I does. You see;quality folks everybody knows- is quality;- but we bettermOst kind of called nnssons to dress smart to distinguish ourselves from common niggers." A Correspondent at 'Vienna writes : I always calculate the number of strangers y the number of brides which crags ones path. Your female readers will ask how I know a bride when ,I see one. But I re ply; my dear ladies, I can tell,. in an in stant—,and so to say, with half an eye= any traueling "young married woman." I have na need to look at t . he_, luggan, which is new ; nor at the husband, who looks as if he is not• quite sure ,that ho has not been hasty ; nor, even- at the dress. No ; a bride _walks. into, a room as a thing apart.; Brides aTe divided. into two classes—the serious and the .smiling, The first enters with a• queenly step: and seems to say, "Do not look at 'me. Donit you see I'm married, and that those; days are ever ?" • . The other comes up smiling, as much as to say, "I've -landed him. Is it not good fun?' Old farmer Gruff was one morning tug ging away with all his might and maid at a barrel of apples which he was endeay. oring to get up the cellar stairs, and call• ing at the top of his.voice.for one of the boys to lend a helping hand, but in vain', When he had after an infinite amount. of sweating and snuffing, accomplished-his task, and just when they were not needed of course, the "boys". made their-appear ance. 'Where, have you been, and what have you been about. I'd like to knqw, . that you could not hear me call r . inquired the farmer, in an angry tone, addressing the eldest. - "Out in the shop settle the saw," -re plied the youth. 1 "And you Dick ?" . • • "Out in the barn settin' the li en."- "And you sir ?" - "Up in Granny's room settin' the clock." . , . . , . • • "And you young man?" • • •-- . "Up in the. garret settin' tbe.trap."- "And now Master Fred, .where-were you, and what were _you settin' asked: the old farmer of.the youngest progeny. ; ; the asperity of. his temper .being some what softened by this _amusing eategovyt , of answers. "(,omelet's hear.". • ' "Out on the doorstep settia' stilt!"-; replied the young hopeful seriously. , • "A reisarkable set, I must confess.". ad• ded the amused sire, dispessiag the grin.' ,uhig group with a ware.of hia hand. "Now• George, you must- divide the eat: , honorably with your brother Charles. • Whatishonorablymother? Itmeans von must give him the largest piece. ' Then mother, I'd rather that Charley should divide, it.