-' - 4 - ;'*,';:b..t#'.,.lljl,,'zi . g' ‘ e HgictlT4.:
BY W. Blp.AlB.
'IOLUNE 24.
professiont
J. a AMBERS i
PILYSICIAN AND
WAYNESBORO',
Office at the Waynesbo
store." •
SCR. B . PP
Has resumed the practi.;
e FRlCB—lsrthe - Walke
- the Bowden House. Nig I
made at his residence on .
joining the Western Scho
July 20-tf
JOHN A. HY.
ATTORNEY A
HAVING been admited
at the several Courts i
ty, all business entrusted
promptly attended to. Po -
Mereersburg, •
LEW Ir. DE-A
_ATTORNEY AT
WAYNESBORO
Will give prompt and clo
- business entrusted to his
door to the Bowden Hous
Building.
-JOSM.PII DO
ATTORNEY A:
WAYNESBORO
Practices in the several Co
.and adjacent Counties.
N. B.—Real Estate lease,
Fire Insurance effected on
December 10, 1871.
D. A STOUT,
DENTI ,
GEER. TU., PA
•Sett 3 al
Feb.
tIFF)
V citi
DL
sive pi
been
_years i
He
-at the
Father
times
Jul
WAYNESB
Can be found at all times
be is prepared to insert
basis in use and at price
Teeth extracted, without
chloroform, eather, nitro
freezing process, in a m •
none.
We the undersigned be4quaintecl with
A. K. Brattish°lts for the r year, can rec
ommend him to the imblmerally to be
.a. Dentist well qualified &form all ope
rations belonging to Deny in the most
,skillful manner. • '
Drs. J. B. AMBERSON,
E. A. HERRING,
J. J. OELLIG,
T. D. FRED
sept 29t( ]
MEAZINE'RY
TO THE L
AXES. C. L. HOLLIN
received a full suppl l
moods. Ladies are invited
her stock.
apr 20. •
MI- O. 33 - RA.OI=MT 1,
PHOTOGRAVR,
S. E. Corner of thimond,
WAYNESEOIIiA.,,
'MIAS at all times a finertment of Pic
tures Frames and lildgs. Call and
ee specimen pictures. June tf.
- -& .." S_ 2-i
DEALER
IV®! ONE'S ANDIOTZLEY,
883 WEST BALTTREET,
BALTIM.O
larWattibes Repaired sgarrazuted.,E4X
sarJewalry 11fade akipaired.'64
July 13, 1271.4£
. SURVEYIN4 111) INYALCVG,
iHE undersig,ned hayad some ton
JL years experience as atical Surveyor
is prepared to do all . if Surveying,
laying out and dividing tacls, also all
kinds of writing usually y -Scriveners.
Parties wishing work . n call on, or
.address the undersigned ynesboro', Pa.
feb 2—tf] • STOLE&
BARB ri - 4:3- I
THE subscriber info r public that he
continues the Barbe siness in the
room next door to Mr. rocery Store,
;and is at all times prep do hair cut
ting, shaving,s banipoo W.. in the best
mtyle. The patronage o /leis respect
fully solicited.
Aug 23 187 L r ... A. PRICE.
NEW MUNI SIM I
,MD., "
Begone with feud 1 away with strife,
Our human hearts unmatipg ;
Let us be frietids again, since life
Is all too short for hating.
So.dull the day, so dim the way,
So_r_ough_the_road-w-e!re-faringi
Far better wend with faithful friend
Than stalk alone, uncaring.
"Corner Drug
Dane 29—if.
.WTZ,
f Medicine.
uilding—dear
.11s should be
in Street, ad-
ouse. •
The barren fig, the withered vine, •
Are types of selfish ,living,
But souls that give, liftothine and mine,
NG,
Renew their life by giving,
While cypress waves o'er early graves,
On all the way we'er going,
Far better plant where seed is scant
Than-crush-the-fruit-that's-gidiride.---
Practice Law
anklin Coun
is care will be
I ffice address
igiE s ,
W,
Away with scorn ! since die we must,
And rest on one low pillow ;
There are no rivals in the dust,
No foes beneath the willow.
So dry the bowers, so few the flowers
•
Our weary path discloses ;
Far better stop where daisies, droop
Than tramplg over roses ! -
ttention to all
Office next
the Walker
(july 6
Mil
0, what are all the joys we hold,
Compared to joys aboVe us?
And what are rank, and power, and gold,
Against the hearts that love us ?
So fleet our years, so full of tears,
So closely Death is waiting—
God sends us space for loving grace,
But leaves no time for hating.
of Franklin
nd sold, and
nable terms.
A TEST OF FRIENDSHIP.
One_of the first settlers inVestern-New
York was Judge W—, who established
himself at Whitestone _about_four_miles
>ert - y - ciit
les.
from Utica. He brought his family with
him, among whom was a widowed daugh
ter with one child—a fine boy only four
years old. The country around was an
unbroken forest, and this was the domin
ion of the savage tribes.
.Judge W— saw the necesity of keep
ing on good terms with the Indians, for,
as he was nearly alone, he was complete
ly at their mercy. Accordingly he took
every opportunity to assure them of his
kindly feeling, and to secure their good
will in return. Several of the chiefs came
to see him, and all appeared pacific. But
there was one thing that troubled him ;
an aged chief of the Oneida tribe, and one
of great influence, who resided at a
distance of a dozen miles, had not been to
see him, nor could he ascertain the views
and feelings of the sachem in respect to
his settlement in that region. At last he
sent in a message, and the answer was that
the chief would visit him on the morrow.
True to his appointment the sachem
came. Judge W— received him with
marks of respect, and introduced his wife,
his daughter and little boy. The inter
view that followed was interesting. Upon
its result the Judge was convinced that
his security might depend, and he was
therefore exceedingly anxious to make a
favorable impression upon the distinguish
ed chief. He expressed his desire to set
tle in the country ; to live on terms of am
ity and good fellowship with the Indians,
and to be useful to them by introducing
among them the arts of civilization.
The chief heard him out, and then said :
"Brother, you ask much and you promise
much. What pledge can you give of your
faith ? The white man's Word may be good
for the white man, yet it is but wind when
spoken to the Indian I"
"I have put my life in your hands,"
said the Judge ; "is not that an evidence
of my good intentions ? I have placed con
fidence in the Indian,
and will not believe
that he will abuse or betray the trust that
is thus repped 1"
"So much so well," replied the chief; con
fidence • if you will trust him he will trust
you. Let this boy go with me to my wig
wam—l will bring him back in three days
with my answer I".
If an arrow had pierced the bosom of
the mother she could" not have felt a deep
er pang than went to her heart as the In
dian made this proposal. She sprang for
ward, and, running to the boy, who stood
at the side of the sachem, looking into
his face with pleased wonder and admira
tion, she encircled him in her arms, and,
pressing him to her bosom, was about to
fly from the room. A gloomy and omi
nous frown came over the sachem's brow,
but he did not speak.
But not so with the Judge. He knew
that the success of their enterprise, the
lives of his family depended on the. decis
ion of a moment.
to the
nity.
exten
he has
tuber of
esboro',
?,sq., his
td at all
ted.
S,
IST,
', PA.,
s office where
on the best
i:uit the times.
l by the use of
lid eggs or the
surpassed by
SNIVELY,
. RIPPLE,
BONBRAKE,
'ER has just
ew Millinery
and examine
"Stay, stay, my daughter," he said.—
"Bring back the boy, I beseech you. He
is not.more to you than to me. I would
not risk a hair of his head. But my child,
he must go with the chief. God will Watch
over him ! He will be as safe in the sach
em's wigwam as beneath our own roof."
The agonized mother hesitated a mo
ment, and then slowly returned, placed
the boy on the knee of the chief, and
kneeling at his feet, burst into a flow of
tears. The gloom passed from the sachem's
brow. He rose and departed.
I shall not attempt to descrite the ag
ony of the mother for the ensuing days.—
She was agitated by contending hopes and
fears. In the night she woke from sleep,
seeming to hear the screams of her child
calling on its mother for help. But the
time wore away slowly—and the third day
came. How slowly did the hours pass.—
The morning waned away, noon arrived ;
yet the sachem came not. There was a
gloom over the whole household. The
mother was pale and silent. Judge NV
—walked the floor to and fro, going
c % , tiett poeirg.
NO TIME NOR HATE.
isttilaucints itading.
A FAMILY NEWSPAPER-DEVOTD TO LITERATURE, LOCAL AND GENERAL NEWS, ETC.
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, OCTOBER 5, 1871.
every few minutes to the door; and look
ing _through the opening in the forest to
wards the sachem's abode.
At last as the rays of the setting sun
were thrown upon the trees around, the
eagle feathers of the chief were seen danc
ing above the bushes in the distance.—
He advanced rapidly—apd the little boy
was at his side. He was gaily attired as
a young chief—his feet being dressed in
-moccasins;a, -- fme - beaver - skin - was on his
shoulders, and eagle feathers were stuck
in his bar. He was in excellent spirits,
and so proud was he of his honors, that
he seemed about two inches taller than he
was before. He was soon in his mother's
arms, and in that brief minute she seemed
to pass from death to life. It was a hap
py meeting—too happy for me to describe.
"The white man has conquered," said the
sachem ; "hereafter let us be friends. You
havettifsted - inatidian ; he will repay you
with confidence and friendship." •
He was as good as his word; and Judge
WV livedfor many years at peace
with the Indian tribes, and succeeded in
lying the foundation of a flourishing and i
prospeyous community.
Dyeing and Wishing.
A SHORT PLAIN STORY.
A. lady refused to be introduced to a
gentleman last evening at Congress Hall,
and no amount of urging could induce her
to change her mind.
"What are your reasons for not want
ing an introduction 2" urged a friend.
"Because he wears a paper collar and
dyes his moustache," replied the lady ;
"and I never knew a thorough gentleman
to do either."
The lady was very near the truth. A
dyed moustache is a foul thing—as foul
as a cigar in_the inn hof a Venus-;-and
a paper collar is an evasion of the laundry
as culpable as the lady's who chose color
ed crockery because it would not show
dirt.
About dyeing the hair black, I will al
sosay_a_word—Light_hair-makes-the-eyes
look brilliant by contrast. So, by-and-by,
when the eyes becomes dimmed by age,
God paints the hair white, and the dim
ness of the eye is unperceived. Look at
a man or woman with dyed hair ! The
eye is as dead as that of a sleeping ox.—
And still these sily, people think they are
deceiving somebody—think that they are
making themselves look younger when in
fact everybody with a particle of sence
discounts their foolish attempt at decep
tion. Powderingthe hair gives the eye
as unnatural brilliancy, hence it is fre
quently resorted to in court circles in Eu
rope. But, as a general thing, young gen
tlemen and old ! don't try to improve on
divinity. God knows best what to do, and
when He silvers your hair white or paints
your moustache with auburn, He has a
purpose as grand as Himself. Here is
something I heard Mr. Seward say once
(you .know the ex-Premier is the homeli
est man, except General Sherman, in A
merica)—well, old homely handsome Sec
retary Sesiard said : "The cleanest man is
the most comely to look upon ; so bathe
well, eat well, and love well, and some
how or other, the homeliest will be beau
tiful."
Now it has struck me a thousand times
that Mr. Seward, who looks always so neat
and sweet, is really a handsome man !
The cleanest man is the best man—l mean
morally and physically too 1 How may
young ladies—and now I beg their par
don for saying it—look beautiful at a dis
tance, but when you come close to them
they have a soiled look. The hair will
look greasy. Now there is no more ex
cuse for putting greasy on your hair than
there is for putting it on your hands. You
people I say who grease your hair, arejust
as barbarous as the Camanche Indian
who greases his face. A gentleman will
never fall in love with soiled woman. She
must be sweet. Have you never, in so-cal
led polite society, met a young lady whose
face would have been in 'proved by a good
square washing? Now, this is plain, homely
talk. European Court circles do more
bathing, ten to one, than the bourgeois.—
Indeed, in Russia—in Moscow, where you
see the sweetest blonde woman in the
world—they have four bath houses, each
as large as the Fifth Avenue Hotel. Once
daily, every man and woman of patrican
blood plunges all over, head and all, un
der pure, sparking, rejuvenating water.—
This makes the hair light colored, gives to
the homeliest, somethingof the angelic.
I beg pardon for this plain talk.
A Singular Indian Tradition.
Among Siminole Indians there is a sin
gular tradition regarding the white man's
origin and superiority. They say that
when the Great Spirit made the earth he
also made three men. AU of the men
had fair complexions; and that after
making them he led them to the margin
of a small lake, and bade them leap in
and wash. One obeyed, and came out
purer and-fairer than before ; the second
hesitated a moment, during which the
water, agitated by the first, had become
muddled, and when he bathed he came
out copper-colored ; the third did not
leap till the water had become black with
mud, and he came out black with its own
color. The Great Spirit laid before them
three packages, and out of pity for his
misfortune in color gave the black man
the first choice. He - took hold of each
package, and having felt the weight,
chose the heaviest. The copper-colored
man chose the next heaviest, leaving the
white man the lightest., When the pack
ages were opened, the first was found to
contain spades, hoes, and impliments of
labor; and the second enwrapped hunt
ing, fishing, and warlike apparatuses;
the third gave the white man •pan§, ink
and paper, the engines of the mind—the
means of mutual mental improvement,
the social link of humanity, the founda
tion of the white man's superiority.
Elegiac Lines.
[Several years' since, a distressing oc
curenee took place which was published
at that time. A Mrs. Blake, of. Salem,
N. Y., who, with her husband and child,
had set out on a visit •to Vermont, pas
sing over the Green mountains, in cross
ing which, the snow was found to be deep
and pathless, and the weather extremely
cold. Having rode till they nearly per
ished with cold, they attempted to exer
cise themselves in walking. Mr. 8., who
had proceeded on in haste, in order to
search some dwelling for assistence, soon
became exhausted, and sunk down in a
perishing condition, but afterward recover
ed. Mrs. Blake, in the course of the
night, froze to death, • leaving her ten
der offspring wrapped up in her cloak
in Which situation it was found the next
morning 'alive. The following elegant
lines from the Eastern Argus were writ
ten on the occasion, and we now re-pub
lish them.]
The ,cold winds swept the mountain's height
And pathless was the dreary wild,
And 'mid the cheerless hours of night
A mother wandered with her child,
As through the drifted snow she press'd,
The babe was sleeping on her breast.
And colder still the winds did blow,
And darker hours of night came on.
And deeper grew the drifts of snow ;'
Her limbs were chilled. her strength was
gone.
0 God! she cried, in accents wild,
If I must perish, save my child.
She stript her mantle from her breast,
•
An bar'd her body to the storm,
And round the child she wrapped the vest,
And smird to think the babe was warm_;
ith — ottb — etdd kiss, one tear she shed,
And sunk upon a snowy bed.
At dawn a traveler pass'd by,
And saw her 'neath a snowy veil
The frost of death was inher
Her thek. was cold, and hard, and pale;
He mov'd the robe from off the child;
Thebabe look'd up and sweetly smill/4.1.
Will A Lady Ever be President.
We hope so, if she is pretty. What fun
to be under petticoat government, with
out any immediate danger of a broomstick
or a scolding !_Every good looking chap
would have a chance for office then. How
glorious to be closeted alone l with the fair
Executive of the nation, on business of a
private and confidential mature ! The old
custom of kissing the hand might be re
vived ; and from the hand to the lips isn't
such a great distance, you know. The
Presideutess must be either a widow or a
maiden lady so as to give an ambitious fel
low achance. Her bust inmarble, and her
portrait on canvass, would look well, dis
played all over the country, instead of
some low-browed, common-looking rooster,
with rtubbed beard and the air of an "or
nery cuss." The fair head of the nation
would of course set all the fashions. Her
administration would inaugurate an era
of love and elegance, to the utter confus
ion of dusty . politics. Let us have a lady
President by all means, say we. The elec
tioneering will be rich when two rival la
dy candidates are up for the highest office
in the gift of the people. Fancy one of
them a plump, comely female, and the oth
er a lean, lank specimen of womanhood.
We should have torchlight processions,
with banners bearing such mottoes as
"Full Bosoms Forever," "Down withiPaint
and Power." "Hurrah for Full Garters."
"No Withered Shanks," "Pretty Ankles
are the Nation's Bulwarks." "No Cotton
Brest-works for Our Country's Defences."
"To Arms, Ye Brave, when they are Fair
and Dimpled," and so on. At the polls,
huge, placards would . be everywhere seen,
with such inspiring legends as "Vote for
Full Corsets and Lovely Women," "Give
the Kissing Candidate a Chance," "Go.
for-the Belle of the Nation." These will
be high old days in the history of our re
public, ithd may we live to see them. We
speak for the berth of Private Secretary.
The Wages of Royalty.
Royalty is, perhaps, the best business
going, regarded from a peculiary stand
point. Thesalaries of Emperors and Kings
are for the most, part liberal, and no de
ductioirs- made on account of absence from
duty. -
The Czar of Russia has the most profi
table berth, his wages averaging $25,000
per day, or 365 timed as much as Presi
dent Grant receives. The Sultan of Tur
key struggles along at $lB,OOO per day.
How he can do it,. with his large family,
and the inevitable enormous dry goods
bills—is not easy to understand. Louis
Napoleon, last September, lost a place
that paid him $14,000 per day ; but he
has been prudent, and hassaved up some
thing handsome, which will keep him com
fortable in his old age. What the pay of
Emperor William, of Germany may be,
we don't know ; but as King of Prussia,
he was paid only $8,210 per day, or 83,-
000,000 per year. Victor Emanuel, of
Italy, enjoys an income of about $3,000,-
000. Queen Victoria is a good manager,
and keeps the pot a-bilin on about $2,000,-
000 per year. The Prince of Wales finds
$625,000 unequal to his expenses. Some
time ago, a man namedNeekly left Queen
Victoria $1,750,000, and Prince Albert
left her $5,000,000. It is believed that
she will "cut up" more richly than any
other soverign, of Europe.
In contrast to these magnificent figures
it may be interesting to know that the av
erage income of nine millions of people in
England and Wales is less than two shil
lings per day.
A woman's heart is the true plate for
a man's likenws. An instant gins, and
11.1 age of sorrow and change cannot efface
tle impression. '
Thomas Buchanan Read.
The following is from the correspondent
of, the Boston Advertiser, writing from
Rome, and gives quite an interesting ac
count of America's favorite author and
artist :
Buchanan Read, the painter poet, is an
other remarkable man in the Roman art
' circle. He divides his time also between
his two pursuits: Read, unlike most lit
erary men, is an early riser. He goes to
bed betimes, and is awake always with
the birds. At 4 o'clock, summer and
winter, he is at his desk; writes until 7
and then breakfast and goes to his studio.
In the wintor he paints all day, returns
home at dark to dine, his wife reads a
loud to him until nine o'clock, when he
goes to bed. At the head of his bed, fas
tened to the mall, is a huge slate at least
three feet square; a pencil hangs on a
cord beside it. In the; night—for Read
is a light sleeper—this slats. is at hand to
usefor quick passing fancies and thoughts.
His wife copied from it for me, - ;the other
day, the new verse which Read has late
ly added to his popular lyric "Drifting,"
Read wrote "Drifting" fifteen years ago,
before he had visited Naples and the Bay
which the, poem describes. Since then he
has been there and discovered that his
poem needed, to make the landscape com
plete, one more chord—another bit of har
moneons coloring—a description of Sor
rento. As the verse is entirely new and
has never been published, lam glad to
have the chance of sending it to you. It
comes in the poem just after the second
verse :
"In lofty lines
"Midst palms and pines,
And olives, aloes, elms and vines,
Sorrento swings
On Summer wings,
WherciTasso's spirit soars and sings."
Why Flirts Don't Marry.
It is remarkable, but nevertheless true
_that,-as a - rule, - ffirts - , - both — male and fe
male, do not marry quickly. The chanc
es are that a girl who becomes engaged
at
- 18, and g oes ou becoming engaged and
disengaged, as it is the custom for flirts
'to do, ultimately settles down into a con
firmed oltrinaid, too. If she does wed,
as a general rule, she developes into the
most virulent wasp, makes her husband
miserable, and brings up her children
badly.
It is not very difficult to find reasons
why flirts do not marry. Sensible men
admire in a woman something besides a
pretty face and engaging manners. They
love intellect, common sense and heart,
qualifications which the flirt does not pos
sess. The true woman allows her affec
tions full play, and is not ashamed of.
them. She will not lead a man to be
lieve she cares for him when she does no
such a thing ; she will not flirt with him
just for the sake of flirting.
She has a truer conception of what is
right, and possesses .a good deal more
common sense. , She has derived her ed
ucation from something else than three
volume novels and the society of empty
pated fops. She can be thoroughly mer
ry ; but she knows how to be merry with
out being idiotic. She may attract less
attention ilia drawing-room than .the flirt
does, because she is less noisy and obtru
sive ; but, for all that, she will get mar
ried sooner, and make her husband a bet
ter and a truer wife.
A true woman does not care for the
spooney young man. She dislikes his
foppishness, the vapid compliments he
pays her, and his effeminacy. He quick
ly finds this out, and leaves her in peace.
Thus, if he ultimately.gets married, it is
to a flirt, and the "happy pair' lead, the
jolliest cat and dog life imaginable.
Immensity of. Creation.
• Some astronomers have computed that
there are no less than 75,000,000 suns in
the universe. The fixed stars are annuls
and have, like our sun, numerous planets
revolving around them. The solar sys
tem, or that to which we belong, has a
bout thirty planets, primary an secon
dary, belonging to it. The circular field
of space which it occupies is in the diame
ter 3,600,000,000 of miles, and that which
it controls is much greater. That sun
which is nearest neighbor to ours is called
Sirious, distant from our sun 22,000,000,-
000 of miles. Now if all the fixed stare
are as distant from each other as Sirious
is from our sun, and if the solar system
of the 75,000,000 of suns, what imagina
tion can grasp the immensity of creation?
Every sun of the 75,000,000 of suns,
controls a field of space of about 10,000,
000 of miles in diameter. Who can sur
vey a plantation, containing 75,000,000
circular fields, each of them 10,000,000
miles in diameter ? Such, however„. is
one of the plantations of Him who:Tuis
measured the water in the hollow of his
hand, and meet out heaven with a span
and comprehended the dust of the earth
n a measure, weighed the mountains in
scales, and the hills in a balance; Him
who, sitting upon.the orbit of the earth,
stretches out the heavans as a curtain,
and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell
in !
The New York Mail says : Few of the
masculine gender have any idea of the in
tridacies of the female toilet, while its cost
is a marvel to the most astute. There is
a conundrum which explains that a ship
is always spoken of as being of the feme
nine sex, "because the rigging costs more
than the hull," and this contains a pro
found philosophical truth. We lately
learned that a hair dresser inthis city has
on sale a double braid of pure gray hair,
twenty-eight inches in length and about
the thickness of one's wrist, on which he
places the modest price of $3,000, and ex
pects to get it too.
For Fite ; Consult Mr. Reininger Tailor.k
The Sea of Galilee.
What the traveler will see when e
catches his first eager glimpse of the lii
•pid sheet of water will be a small oval
shaped lake thirteen miles long and six
broad. It is evidently of volcanic origin,
and the earth-quakes which have rent
the walls of Tiberias, as well as the hot
springs at several places in the vicinity of
the lake, show that volcanic agencies are
still at work. All along the eastern side
runs a green plain, which, except at one
spot (the probable scene of destruction of
the swine after the healing of the Gada
rene demoniac) is every where about a
quarter to a half mile in width.—Beyond
this rises, to the heighth of 2,000 feet, an
escarpment of dessolate looking hills,scor
ed by various ravines, and having a
plateau at the top. As there are neither
trees nor villages to be seen on that side
and no signs of cultivation, the view in
that direction has a certain monotony,•
but, this is atoned for by the air . of mys
tery derived from its very desolation, and
from the fact that even in our Lord's;time
it was so unfrequented that he had but to
visit it when he required the refreshment
of solitude. It was at this lovely shore
that we are reminded in the lines of the
beautiful hymn—
" Come to a desert place apart
And rest a little while,
So spake the Lord when mind and
heart '
Were faint and sick through toil."
It was somewhere among those feature
less hills—probably toward the northeas
tern part of the lake—that he fed the 5,-
40 who had flocked after him' on foot;
it was somewhere about thosegrey ravines
that he spent the night in prayer. And
how many times must his eye have rested
with pleasure on. the .dimple surface of
the inland sea! a sight deligthful in any
region of the world, but doubly refresh
ful and delicious in this sultry land.
AxZUNPLEABANT - DILEMZIA,;-=-The E
vening 'Journal, of Jersey City. is respon
sible for the following
The other day a lady and gentleman
were walking along Exchange Place on
their way to the terry,,. when suddenly
and unaccountably the lady stopped.—
She flushed her face, trembled wolently,
and, then resorted to that happy Leman
expedient, crying.
"Why my dear Lousia, what on earth
is the matter with you ?" exclaimed her
companion.
"Oh dear me, what shall Ido ? I can't
fix it."
The crowd surged by; some looking in
amasement, while others stopped for an
instant gazing at the crying lady and be
wildered gentleman.
"Why, Louisa, what is the matter ?
Let us move on and not raise this crowd
here,"
"Oh, no indeed I can't, oh, what shall
Ido ? What a fix I'm in!"
'The gentleman evidently felt as .if he
too, was in a truly pretty fix. • What was
he to do ?
"Tell me, Lousia, what does ail you?"
Just then a boot black came along and
offered the desired information.
"I say, mum, you'd better hitch up
them 'er undergarments of yours."
Something hadjgivenaway.
A mechanic in New Orleans constructed
a safe which he declared to be burglar
proof. To convince the incredulous of
the fact, he placed a one thousand dollar
bill in his pocket, had himself locked in
the safe, and declared that he would give
the iuoney to any man that unfastened
the door. All the blacksmiths and bur
glars in the State have been boring and
beating at that safe for a week, and the
man is in there yet ! He has whispered
through the key hole that he will make
the reward ten thousand dollars- if some
body would only let him out. Fears are
entertained that the whole concern will
have to be melted down in a blast-furnace
before he is released, and efforts are to be
made to pass in through the, key hole a
fire proof jacket, to protect the inventor
while the iron is melting. The inventor
swears that if he once . gets out, he ivitl in
future always try the experiment with a
rival patentee inside. He says he nester
thought he should wish, as he does now,
that some one would find a weak place in
his armor.
A little girl, six years old, was on a
visit to her grandfather, who was a New
England divine. "Only think, grandpa,
what uncle Robert says." "What does
he say, my dear ?" "Why, he says the
moon is made of green chem. It isn't at
all, is it?" Well, child, suppose you
find out for yourself." "How can I, grand
pa ?" "Get your Bible, and see what it
says." "Where shall I begin ?" "Begin
at the beginning." The child sat down
to read the Bible. When she had read
about half through the second chapter of
Genesis she came back to her grandfather
eyes all bright with the excitement of dis
covery. "I've found it, grandpa! It is
not true ; for God made the moon be
fore_he made anycows."
SliM.—There iinothing so striking in
the region of Mount Sinai as the death
like silence which prevails there. The
tricklings of brooks, the' fall of waters,
the waving of trees, the hum of voices and
insects are unknown. , From the highest
point of Ras Sasafeh to the lowest peak,
a distance of about sixty feet, the page of
a book, distinctly lAA not loudly read, is
perfectly audible. Mysterious noises, are
sometimes heard, but they are supposed
to proceed from the rush of sand down
the mountain side—saud here playing the
same part as the waters and snows of the
North.
IFcto pays the highestpriee for a house?
The woman.who marries for one.
82,00 PER YEAR
Ma ti 13 DI MA
Mit and Xamor.
, Why is a don'h,y at cannot hold 11
: i
p d up, like next 'Way ? Because it'
:.'s weak.
Why may a man stealing lard he said
to be in a thriving condition ? Because
he is getting fat.
i F te
A. shrewd politician' ys that he al':
ways judges of the cha . iof a house
by the cleanliness of th back yard.
It is not disgraceful to any one who is
poor to confess his poverty ; but the not
exertinc , one's self to escape poverty is
disgraceful.
GT 5k
A. teacher of' v al music asked an ol"
lady if her grands had an ear for mu
sic. "I really dot now, you can fa),
the candle and see."
In general that man is a coward who
shapes his course of action by his fears,
and he alone is a man of true courage
who dares to do right.
A Brooklyn mother advised a daugh
ter to oil her hair, and fainted flat away
when that candid damsel replied, 101 i
no, ma, it spoils the gentlemen's vests."
Schoenberger swears that he can drink
150 glasses of lager at a setting. As each
glass is a pint nearly, and each pint weighg
a pound, the • question arisw, which is
Schoenberger and which is-beer,
Mrs. Partington, in illustration of the
proverb, "A. soft answer
. .turneth ,away
wrath," says that "it is better to, speak
paraagorieally of a person than to be all
the time flinging epitaphs at him."
A Chicago girl broke off her engage
meat with a young _man -for the reason
that he sneezes in his sleep. If it would
not be impertinent, we would like to
know how she found it out.
rAn edithr says the business men of a
Western town have presented their editor
with a fine horsi,:and buggy as an evi
dence of their appreciation of his paper.—
We hope there wilisbe no such trick play-,
ed upon anybody herW.
wo Irishmen were one day engaged in
roofing a house, when 6ne of them lost his
hold and fell to the ground. The other
hastened to him and inquired, when he
found him prostrate and still, "Mickey
are yees dead ?" "No," replied Mickey,
"not dead, but apathies."
r'7 .s r. young man, who has tried it until
he knows, tells us that if you go. to call
on a young lady, and she sews, iligentlV'
all the evening, and says "yes" and "no,'"
you can go away about nine,
or a quar
ter past, without anybody feeling bad
about it
A young fellow who wanted some mon
ey went to a man and asked him to ad
vance him five dollars. "Why !" said he
"I don't know you." "That is why I
came here," answered the other, •-"for
those who know me won't lend nnt five
shillings."
_
"John," said a poverty stricken man to
his son, "I've made all my will to-day."
"Ah," replied John. "You were liber
al to me no doubt." , -
Yes John; I eamo:down handsome.—
I've wine I you the whole State ofVirgin
ia, to make a living in, with the privet
edge of going elsewhere if you can do bet
ter."
-
Some time_ sinee Northern ..
egitiontt
clergyman visited New York, and
invited to fill a city 'pulpit. He knew
nothing about qUartette choirs and had
never,.heard'a church organ. Afteeflic
first hymn showed him • what the organ
prelude was, ho announced the second as
fbllOws "The audience will now join
with me in singing a good old Methodist
hymn, and those fellows running that bag
of wind in the gallery will please not in
terrupt.'
A genuine_dolvileastet - was, lately es
'saying to appropriate a square of .exceed
ing tough beef at a. dinner* a Wiscon
sin hotel. His convulsiveelfortslwith a
knife'and fork attracted the smiles of the
rest in the same predicament - as himself:
At last Jonathan's patience vanished un
der ill ,success, when laying down his u
tensils, he burst out with : "Strangers,
you needn't laugh ; if you hain't got anv
regard for the jLandlord's feelings, you
ought to have some respect for Lie 'um
bull." This sally brought down the
house.
AroLooY.—"Did you Bey that I
wasn't fit to carry swill to swine, Mr.
Brown ?"-
"I did sir."
"Well sir, I require you, hero in the
presence of these gentlemen, to recall that
insult, or you will have to take the con
sequence.'
"I am ready, willingly, tarepair the in
jury I have done you:
see.that you do it quickly, sir."
"Brown turned around to the insulted
gentleman, and, said :
"Gentlemen, I have done my friend Mr.
Smith, here, the injustice to say that he
was not fit to carryswill toswine, at which
he is very indignant. Now, gentlemen I
wish to recall thnt:remark, and do here .
take great pleasure in saying that Mr.
Smith is emtneatly'qualified to carry swill
to swine. I hope this apology will be sat
isfactory to Mr. S., and that his ex client
qualifications will be duly appreciated."
"Thomas spell' integrity."
kneirity." go head."