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VOL. XXXI. NO. 44. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, FEB. 15, 1899. 81.00 PER ANNUM.
n
4
.
s
I
I
-4
Dewey leads, so far, in the number
of poatolBcci named after him. lie
has eighteen, while Schley and Samp
ion have five and three respectively.
France rep -ts that her export trade
declined about $30,000,000 in 1898.
The trouble Vith the French is that
. they have been paying too much atten
tion to military scandals and too little
to business. -
j --. . . . j
The killing and eatiug of four com.
mercial agents in Upper Ubangi, West
Africa, shows that dead white man
-continues to be a favorite article of
food in the tropic. But there is noth
' ing of this menu seen in the zones.
' The latest labor-saving device is a
l"buttouholo moistener," which does
these things: "It opens the button
hole, perfumes tho collars and cuffs,
removes the starch from tho edge of
the buttonhole and permits buttoning
with case; saves wear and tear of but
tonholes, breakage of buttons and the
deBtruetion of your finger uftils. " The
advertisement adds "aud saves your
reason;" but thvreiu it is wring; it is
the abundance, the bewilderment of
labor-saving devioes which make man
the sad, nervous wreck he is at the
end of this centnry. Man's memory
is said to be growing weaker. That is
not true; bnt what is true is that his
memory is so overburdened with re
membering all the labor-saving devices
pf which he is the slave that he has
little time or mind or thought for any
thing else.
7 The crowning triumph of the ar
with Spain that is, so far as t'le
medical department is concerned
has been the successful solution of
the long-considored problem as to the
best means of transporting the sick
snd Wounded, The great value and
. effioienoy of the ambulance ship have
been amply demonstrated. Oar navy
has in this respeot shown the way to
the rest of the world. . Foreign na
tions have already followed the lead
given them by America, and it may be
taken for granted that in future the
hospital ship will fee regarded as an
ibsulutely necessary complement to a
naval squadron, in time of war at all
events. History may be ransacked in
vain to find a parallel in sea warfare
to the Spanish-American conflict, both'
as regards its successful issue and the
Bmall loss of life.
JVhat a mere dot iu timo seems 150
jears when plaoed in the history of
the world! What a moment in the
existence of the present States of Eu
rope! And, yet, 1JW years ago there
was not a single white man. in Ken
tucky, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois.
t The colonists had no more knowledge
of that now flourishing part of Amer.
ica than of the mountains of the moon.
One hundred and fifty years ago Can
ada belonged to France, and the pop
ulation did not exceed a million and a
half of people. One hundred and fifty
years ago Prussia, a little monarchy,
was getting ready to sustain a single
handed contest with Russia, Austria
and Frauce. Washington was unheard
of, and the Unitedtates were a loyal
part of tho British impire, and on the
pojjfical hoiizJ Ju speck indicated
the struggle w within a quarter
of .a century (Hereafter, 'established
, the greatest republic of the world.
' One hundred and fifty years ago there
were . four newspapers in ' America.
What a vista of human energy is dis
played when ye look back over the 18
years, as theuffiOsWfTjtury draws
. near! No country can show its qual.
It is almost ignored abroad. It is
hardly appreciated at home.
Secretary Wilson hns already begun
planning for agricultural schools in
iho Philippines, and advocates such
institutions as Booker T. Washington
has founded atTuskegee. "The Maker
Df the world," says Mr. Wilson, "will
hohrthis nation responsible for the
welfare of 10,000,000 of colored peo
ple in the several islands now under
our flag. The very best service thai
can be done by the United States tc
those islands is to teach their people
to work, just as Booker Washington
is teaching the colored people of Tub
kegee to work. We have not had
marked success with the Indian, be
. cause he would . not work. We are
- working people ourselves. A man has
ficaroely respectable standing in th
United States who does not contribute
by his head or his hands to the wel
fare oT the Republic. But the colored
man will work, and juste as rapidly as
the people of those islands can be
helped in this direction success will
come to the efforts .of the United
States in trying to do them good,
Just in what way Congress may deem
it wise to manage those islands no man
can tell. Perhaps Congressmen can
not themselves tell. But education
toward the industries is what the peo
ple of the islands are all needing."
v -- ::: r
Abraham Lincoln.
(INOO-February 13-1HOO.)
When o'er the land, from strand to strand, the drum beat near and far,
Wlieu from the shop, the field, the crop, men crowded to the war.
When In the South, from the oannon's mouth, shell rained on Sumter's wall,
The summons then for loyal men went forth the battle call
Hod war's alarms to arms, to arms, our land and flag to save
By one proud stroke to break the yoke to manumit the slave.
Then stalwart men from vale and glen to arms came promptly forth,
And faithful rods with swords and guns thronged proudly from the North.
The glowing West, her bravest, best, heard the wild war trump sound,
And formed in Hue, with hope divine, to light on freedom's ground;
1'roud, pntriot men from the land of Fenn, from valley, hill and crag,
For equal laws, for freedom's cause all clroled round the nag.
To freedom true, the Jersey blue, the Knickerbocker brave,
And many a band from Maryland, came forth our land to save.
From Maine's green pines, Missouri's mines, and from the land of Clay
Kentucky sent, on victory bont, her sous to join the fray
The brave and free from Tennessee, and all the sunny South
Vent men to fall at their country's call, at the grim cannon's mouth.
For freedom's land, with heart and hand. New Eogland's faithful host
Like Spartans came to breast the fame or fall at duty's post.
From mine and mill, from knoll and hill, came forth the mountaineer,
From the prairie sod, with shoulders broad, tho gallant volunteer. M
The cumptlre's blaze shone through the haze by rivulet and rill,
And freedom's lamp shone o'er the camp where squadrons thronged to drill.
And who the wan, ungainly man, who marshaled all the free,
Like marble stood while war and blood oppressed by land and sea;
His one firm word, the people stirred; "Uulonl" for evermore;
One land, one sky, to live or die, ono flag from shoro to shore.
No arms, no fates can part the States, no cause the Union sever
Preserve this soil tor men who toil forever and forever!
This soul that God picked from the sod to stand In freedom's van,
The lund to save, to free the slave and fight for trampled mac;
To check the pride to stay the tide of felt despotic power,
He held the rein he broke the chain In freedom's trial hour,
The Hpartan horde that drew the sword to him gave up the brand,
And Lincoln died In freedom's pride the savior of our landl
Charles J. Beattlo.
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOC
EMANCIPATOR.
JO 30000000000 oooooooooococ
The following article, giving some
aneodotes of the early life of Abraham
Lincoln, is taken from Success:
"I meant to take good care of your
book, Mr. Crawford, I did, indeed,"
said the boy, in great trepidation;
"but I've damaged it a good deal with
out intending to, and now I want to
make it right with you if I can. What
shall I do 1o make good the damage?"
; "Why, what's happened to it, Abe?"
asked the rich farmer, as he took the
copy of Weems's "Life of Washing
ton," which he had lent young Lin
coln, and looked fit the stained leaves
and warped binding. "It looks as if
it had been out all through last night's
storm. How came you to forgot, and
leave it out to Boak?"
"Twss this way, Mr. Crawford,"
replied Abe, shifting uneasily to the
other foot; "I sat up lato to read it;
and, when I went to bed, I pnt it away
carefully in my bookoase, as 1 call it,
a little opening between two logs iu
the wall of our cabiu. I dreamed
about General Washington all night.
When I woke up I took it out to read
a page or two before I did the chores,
and you can't imagine how I felt when
I found it in this shape. It seems
that the mud-daubing had got out of
the weather side of that crack, and the
rain must have dripped on it three or
four hours before I took it out. I'm
real sorry, Mr. Crawford, and want to
fix it np with yon somehow, if you can
tell me any way, for I ain't got the
rnoneto pay for it with."
"Well," said Mr. Crawford, "being
as it's you, Abe, I won't be hard on
you. Come over and shuck corn three
days, and the book's yours."
Hod Mr. Crawford told young Abra
ham Lincoln that he hed fallen heir to
fortff, the boy could hardly have
t'eltmore elated. Shuck corn only
PRESENT CONDITION OF LINCOLN'S BIRTH
PLACE, NEAB HODOENSVILLE, KEN
TUCKY. three days, and earn the book that
told all about his greatest hero!
"I don't intend to delve, grub,
shuck corn, split rails and the like al
ways," he told Mrs. Crawford, after
he had read the volume. "I'm going
to fit myself for a profession."
"Why, what do yon want to be
now?"jsked Mrs. Crawford, in sur
prise. "Oh, I'll be President," said Abe,
with a smile. -
"You'd make a pretty President,
with all your tricks and jokes, now,
wouldn't you?" said the farmer's wife.
"Oh, I'll study and get ready," re
plied the boy, "and then maybe the
chance will come."
"Perhaps people hundred years
hence," writes Jesse W. Weik, one of
Lincoln's latest biographers, "will
hesitate to believe that the speech at
Gettysburg battlefield and the inaug
ural address delivered from the por
tioo of the Capitol at Wellington,
March 4, 18C5, were written by a man
whose school days, all told, 'did not
amount to one year,' and who was
'never in a college or aoademy as a
tudent, and never insjde a college or I
His nose was wU I
is . n HNS i
, academy building, till after he had be
come a practicing lawyer, in his twen
ty-eighth year."
Mr. Weik says that Lincoln found
"pieces to speak" in "The Kentucky
Preceptor," containing a number of
useful lessons in reading, compiled
for the use of schools by a teacher.
"We are indebted to his stepmother
for the information that his mathe
matical instruction came from Pike's
arithmetic; but he was unable to buy
the book, and was therefore obliged
to borrow the oopy whioh belonged to
YOUNG ABE LINCOLN IN TRAINING FOR
THE PRESIDENCY.
"Ob! I'll study and get ready, and then maybe the chance will come."
a neighbor presumably Josiah Craw
ford. "In order to possess the essential
parts of the book, he resolved to copy
them. Having procured certain sheets
of unruled paper, nine inches wide
and fourteen long, he sewed them to
gether at one edge with string, so that
tbey would open like a book. Then,
with a quill pen, he patiently copied
the essential parts of the entire arith
metic. Along the edges and in the
unused corners "of many pages are
found snatohes of schoolboy doggerel."
"Not only were books in some cases
out of his reaob, but paper and like
supplies were not always to be had, so
that the practice of writing was not at
all times an easy matter. Oftentimes
when at work plowing in the fields,
the boys would when the old, flea
bitten gray mare stopped to rest at the
end of a long furrow draw from his
pocket a piece of smoothly planed
wood and cover the impromptu slate
with words and figures, written with
the pencil he had made of soapatone
or clay. His stepmother tells ns he
would cover the smooth side of every
log and board abont the cabin with his
rude essays and arithmetical calcula
tions. The door was a study in hier
oglyphics." "As I was once riding to mill with
my father," said Captain John Lamar,
"I saw, as we drove along, a boy sit
ting on the topmost rail of an old
fashioned stake-and-rider worm fence,
reading so intently that he did not
notice our approach. My father
turned to me and said: 'John, look
at that boy yonder, and mark my
words, he will make a smart man out
of himself. I may not see it, but
you'll 6ee if my words don't come true.'
That boy was Abraham Lincoln."
One of Lincoln's Kind Acts.
One summer morning, shortly be
fore the close of the Civil War, the not
unnsnal sight in Washington of an old
veteran hobbling along could have
been seen on a shady path that led
aut twenty mile's ST wiT-
from the Executive Mansion to the
War Office. The old man was in pain,
and the pale, sunken cheeks and vagne
far-away stare in his eyes betokened a
short-lived existence. He halted a
moment, and then slowly approached
a tall gentleman who was walking
thoughtfully along. "Good morning,
sir. I'm an old soldier, and would
like to ask your advice."
The gentleman turned, and, smiling
kindly, invited the poor old veteran to
a seat under a shady tree. There he
listened to the man's story of how he
had fought for the Union, and was
severely wounded, incapacitating him
for other work in life, and begged di
rections how to apply for back pay
due him and a pension, offering his
papers for examination. j
The gentleman looked over the
papors, and then took ont a card and
wrote directions on it, also a few words
to the Pension Bureau, desiring that
speedy attention be given to the appli
cant,' and handed it to him. '
The old soldier looked at it, and,
with tears in his eyes, thanked the
tall gentleman, who, with a sad look,
bade him good luck and hurried up
the walk. Slowly the soldier read the'
card again, and then turned it over to
read the name of the owner. More
tears welled in his eyes when he knew
whom he had addressed himself to,:
and his lips muttered: "I am glad I
fought for him and the country, for he
never forgets. God bless Abraham
Linooln!"
James Parton's Prediction.
In 1862, James Farton, the cele
brated biographical writer, made the
following prediction in regard to
Abraham Lincoln:
History will say of Mr. Linooln that
no man of a more genial tempera
ment, a more kindly nature ever
tenanted the White House; that ha
gave all his time, his thoughts, his
energies to the discharge of duties of
unprecedented magnitude and urg
ency; that, hating no man, he stead
fastly endeavored to win the con
fidence and love of all the loyal and
patriotic, and that, in spite of four
chequered years of such responsibility
and anxiety as has seldom fallen to
the lot of man, he bore away from the
Capitol the sunny temper and blithe
frankness of his boyhood, returning
to mingle with his old neighbors as
one with them in heart and manner,
in retirement as in power a haprjy
specimen of the men whom Liberty
and democracy train in the log cabin
and by the rudest hearth to guide the
counsels of the Repnblio and influence
the destinies of the people.
low Stanton Defied Lincoln.
The application of a man who wanted
to be chaplain in the army during Mr.
Linooln's administration was recently
found, says the Indianapolis Journal.
Attached to it are a number of in
dorsements which are not only inter
esting in themselves, but aid in dis
closing the characters of the two men
whose influence largely molded the
policy of government in those turbu
lent times. The indorsements read
as follows:
Dear Stanton: Appoint this man chap
lain in the army. A. Lincoln.
Dear Mr. Lincoln, He is not a preacher
E. M. Stanton.
The following indorsements
dated a few months later, but
are
come
just below :
Dear Stanton: He Is now.
A. Lincoln,
Dear Mr. Lincoln:
cancy.
J) ear Mr. Stanton:
laln-at-lnrge.
Dear Mr. Lincoln:
of law for that.
Dear Mr. Stanton:
bow.
But there Is no va-
E. M. Stanton.
Appoint him chap-
A. Lincoln.
There Is no warrant
E. M. Stanton.
Appoint blm any-
A. Lincoln.
I will not.
Dear Mr. Lincoln:
E. M. Stanton.
The appointment was not made, but
the papers were filed in the War De
partment, where they remain as evi
dence of Lincoln's friendship and Stan
ton's obstinate nerve.
Lincoln's Last Pardon.
The last official act performed by
Abraham Lincoln as President of the
United States was the signing of the
pardon of George 8. E. Vaughan, un
der sentence of death, charged with
being a Confederate spy. Mr.
Vaughan, now an old and broken
man, lives in Maryville, Mo. The
story of his arrest, sentence to death
and final pardon an hour before Lin
coln was shot by J. Wilkes Booth is
one of the most interesting of the un
published chapters of the Ciril War.
He would be In it he'd essay
And try to make Li honored way
- - JOlitioa. mm
.
The solutions to these puzzles will ap
pear in a succeeding issue.
12-
43 A Qneer Problem.
A carpenter made a door. He made
it too big. He cut it and cut it too
little; he cut it again, and made it
just right. How can this be?
40 Six Beheadments.
1. Behead a kind off rnit and have a
kind of fish. 2. To come into a col
lision with, and have the stroke of a
whip. 3. A noose, and to change, 4.
Timber, and have a brown pigment.
5. A hard wood, and have pertaining
to bones. 6. A plant, and have a
dart.
The cnt off letters will spell the
name of a naval hero.
47. A Novel Acrostic. '
All the words described contain the
same number of letters; when cor
rectly guessed arfd written one below
the other, one of the rows of letters
will spell the name of a celebrated
astronomer.
Reading across: 1. To hinder; 2,
articles found in every stable; 3, con
quering; 4, a city in England; 5,
fathomless; 6, meddling persons; 7,
a place of worship; 8, a celebrated
Greek philosopher; 9, bearing up
against; 10, indirect allusions.
48. A Diamond.
1. A vowel in Profectum. 2. What
every boy expects to be. 3. Part of a
roof. 4. A snare. 5. A consonant
in Semper.
SOLUTIONS TO PKEVIOUS PUZZLES.
41. Six Pied Flowers Anemone,
laburnum, aster, violet, tuberose, sun
flower. 42, A Diamond
V
RID
VIXEN
1 DEN
N
43. A
Dee, eye,
Riddle 1. Pea, are,
oh,
2.
geo, why prodigy.
Skate.
44. A Siuare
SIRE
IRON
ROOD
ENDS
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL
Tho need of nitrogenous manure
for wheat-growing land has now re
sulted iu a demand for 1,250,000 tons
of nitrate of soda each year.
By means of electricity it is now
possible to produce ozone in consider
able quantities, and its utilization in
the arts is constantly increasing.
The Pintsch system of gas lighting
is now used on 85,000 cars and loco
motives in the world, its use on loco
motives, however, being almost en
tirely oonfined to 2955 such maohines
iu Germany.
The comparative infant mortality
between a rich and a poor district iu
the French city of Lille has been as
certained to be as one to seven. Most
of the poor infants die of gastro
enteritis, a preventable disease due to
injurious diet, especially bad milk.
The annual amount of vaooination
default in England is now believed to
reach 300,000 in 920,000 births. In
other words, of 100 children born, and
surviving at the end of the year, less
than seventy have been vaccinated. In
Scotland the default is less thau three
per cent.
The curions fact that corn, pota
toes and other plants thrive better
when plaoed in rows running north
and south has been proved by Dr.
Wollny, of Munich. This reduces the
shading by each other to a minimum,
more uniform and regular light, heat
and moisture resulting.
Some manufacturers have begun to
make ornamental bulbs for incan
descent lamps, resorting for this pur
pose to various attractive patterns
brought to pass by means of the sand
blast, or rendering the lower part of
the bulb white by the same method, in
this way reducing the glare of the
light thrown downward.
Phosphorus is now produced by
means of the electrical furnace. The
method consists in heating a mixtnre
of phosphate of lime and coke, which
are first reduced to a powder. When
the mass becomes pasty, the open
ings of the furnace are sealed, except
one, through which the vapor passes.
The vapor is collected and distilled.
Wanted SIOOO For Savins; Life.
David Highley, a wealthy man, of
Marion County, Ind., is defendant in
a most peculiar suit. Last spring
Highley, with his wife, was driving
across a bridge that spans Pipe Creek.
A storm was raging at the time, and a
flash of lightning frightened his
horse, which jumped off the bridge
into the swollen stream, dragging
Highley and his wife into the tor
rent. Highley swam out and ran down the
bank, where he found his wife lodged
in the limb of an overhanging tree.
From a house near by he secured the
assistance of two men, who rescued
his wife. The men claim that High
ley offered them $1000 if they would
rescue his wife, and that he has never
paid them. They now bring suit to
recover that amount. New York
Times.
Could Have Gone Along.
While some companies of the Tenth
New York Regiment were returning
to their armory in Albany a man on
the curbstone said: "Why, they're all
right! Look at them! They've been
on a grand exenrsion to Honolulu."
A private in the ranks heard the re
mark and turned to the young man
and said: "Say, young fellcw, the
tickets to that excursion were free;
why didn't you get in on it?"
ICWiUOl
else do v '
WOMEN AS CRIMINALS.
They Will Tell About a, Crime Quicker
Than Man Will.
(Views of a Veteran San Francisco Detec
tive.) Women as criminals are very smait,
but they cannot keep crime hidden so
well as a man.
A woman is more desperate ia love
affairs than in anything else. Men get
desperate about money matters.
If a woman of the criminal type
loves a man she will, as a rule, do al
most anything to win him.
It is difficult to convict women of
murder; the jurors are men, and they
sympathize.
Men don't want to have womeu
hanged, but a jury of women might go
to the other extreme.
Women don't like women as well as
men like men.
A woman has no sympathy for an
other woman who has done wrong, but
often a man has sympathy for a wrong
doing fellow aud will help him out.
If a man doesn't like a man he wants
to have the other know it. It is just
the reverse between two women.
A half-way decent womau will do
anything to hide a criminal who is her
sweetheart.
Get a woman in a tight place a.. '
she will tell about a crime quicker than
a man would.
Men kill themselves when they aro
broke; women don't. The women cau
stand it better and are more used to it.
Most of the suicides of women are
on aocount of desertion .
A Chinaman's Idea of Life Insurance.
A New Orleans lawyer told the
Times-Democrat this yarn: "I had a
Chinese client who went home on a
visit, leaving his laundry in charge of
his brother. When he returned he
was promptly ordered off the prem
ises. His brother had coolly appro
priated the business, and swore he
would kill him unless he made
himself scarce. The dispossessed
gentleman called on me next day, aud,
after hearing his story, I advised him
to get out a warrant immediately, but
he shook his head at the suggestion,
and said in pigeon English that he
wanted to have his life insured for
$10,000. I was ustonished. 'Whnt
on earth put that into your head?' I
asked. 'So they makee alio time
som9 watch,' he replied. After a
great deal of cross-qnestioning I got
at his scheme. He had in same mau
ner conceived the idea that insurance
companies did everything possible to
prolong the lives of their policy hold
ers, and it followed quite naturally
that if they had $10,000 at stake they
would take particular pains to see
that he wasn't hurried into tho here
after by his wicked brother. In other
words, they would 'makee some
watch,' and being a very frugal gon
tlemau, it struck him as a cheap way
of securing a bodyguard. He was
greatly disappointed when I explained
that the"companies lot their clients
take their own chances, and it evi
dently impressed him as most un
businesslike. He weut away, aud at
last accounts the wicked brother was
still holding the fort."
Snapihoti at Egypt.
No region in the world presents a
clearer and more distinct individual
character than Egypt. Each village
is a special world, eaoh valley a uni
verse that has developed its own life;
and man has felt the special local im
pressions; and even in modern times,
while all the Egyptian villages present
a similar aspect, and, although the
fellah appears to be the same sort of a
man everywhere, each locality has its
speoial individual characteristics. -
One who knows how to observe men
and things critically will find consid
erable differences. These dissimilar
ities are as old as Egypt itself. They
have always existed, and are as much
more intense as the communications
between district aud district were for
merly more diflicult. Thoy are due to
physical conditions special to each
village, to the prevailing winds, the
form and character of the mouutaius,
the extent of cultivable lands and the
supply of water.
A study of the detail of the country
is a very important preliminary to the
examination of Egyptian history.
Every village and every home had for
merly its speoial divinity and its par
ticular usages. Are we sure that the
gods and customs were not imposed
by local conditions? At Oinbos two
hostile gods were adored in the same
temple. May we not see iu this fact
a recollection of the hostility which
has always prevailed between the in
habitants of the two banks of the
river, and still continues? Popular
Science Monthly.
Qneer Friends.
Adolph Schmitt, a farmer at Beech
woods, Sullivan County, N. Y., ou go
ing to his hogpen one cold morning
recently was surprised to find a large
rat perched on the back of one of his
hogs. The rat made no movement
when Mr. Schmitt appeared, and the
hog being apparently satisfied, Mr.
Schmitt did not interfere.
The rat spends most of its time on
the hog's bask and a strange friend
ship has grown up between the two
animals. The hog is restless when
the rat is not on it. Several times it
has angrily defended its 'friend when
other hogs have suapped at it.
The rat in return for the hog's pro
tection scratches its friend's brintly
back aud nibbles lovingly at its ears.
These attentions seem to afford the
hog boundless pleasure, for the more
active the rat the more hearty are its
grunts of satisfaction. New York
Press.
Away With Chain)
Sir James Crichtou Browne is of the
opinion that peoplo ought to sit on the
floor instead of on chairs, since sitting
on the ground was ruce general with
the entire human race, aud is "both
healthy and natural. "London World. 1
tire fctrscture is recauuen
UBon $750.000. Irfind-n Chronicte.
TWO VIEWS OF ACUINALDO.
(From a Manila Faper.)
The following couple of verses were
taken from the Clevelind IMain Dealer, and
shows the mistaken idea people at home
have of Aguioaldo and bis followers. We
take the liberty of appending a concoction
of our own. with apologies to the above es
timable paper. .
As It was written: " "
aocinaldo.
We rather like your stylo,
Agulnaldo.
You are at it all the while,
Aguinaldo.
Yon tep right out and fight,
And you hit with all your might,
And you make the Dons a sight,
Aguinaldo.
And when all's said and done,
Aguinaldo,
We'll remember you, my son,
Aguinaldo.
You're the friend of Uncle Sam,
And you'll llnd hi s not a clam.
When ho bands around the jam,
Aguinaldo.
As it should have been written:
We do not like your style,
Aguinaldo.
The Yanks are bad to rile,
Aguinaldo.
They'll make you look a sight,
If you provoke a light.
You'll be knocked clean out o' sight
Aguinaldo.
And it's time for you to run,
Aguinaldo.
When Uncle "gets his gun,"
Aguinaldo.
"'e will do the job first rate,
i - .e'U "lay you out in state,"
If you lo not "pull your friegut,"
Aguinaldo.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
"And what would you bo now if it
weron't for my money?" "A bach
elor." Puck.
She "I understand you proposed
to Emily while out for a stroll last
nig'ht?" He "Yes; I won in a walk."
Yonkers Statesman.
"Cooks," said the suburbanite,
"may be divided into two classes
those who resent criticism and those
who ignore it." Puck.
"He has proposed to her a dozen
times' "Has his peristency beeu re
warded?" "Oh, yes. She refuses
him regularly." Truth.
Miss Quipp "The idea of anything
of coral for an engagement memento!"
Mr. Quirk "Why, isn't it a cause of
many wrecks?" Jewelers' Weekly.
Which was the handsomest on the grounds
Was really hard to say,
But the hog that scored 1000 pounds
Had the most winning weigh.
Chicago Tribune.
"I never give a book to a girl with
out reading it first." "Why not?" "If
there was a proposal in it she might
take it as personal." Chicago Rec
ord. '.
First Snake "Won't yon drop in at
our cave this evening? There is to be
a snake-charmer present." Second
Snake "I shall be charmed, I assure
you." Puck.
The Young Partridge "Aren't you
afraid of the man behind the gun?"
The Elder Partridge "Not when he
is rigged np in one of those fancy
hunting suits."
"How did you got such a pleasant
expression on that ugly Miss Posse's
portrait?" "I got her to telliug me
about meu she might have married."
Brooklyn Lifo.
Papa "Such a wedding as you
want, my dear, will cost $2000."
"Then what is to be done, papa?"
"You will have to be married without
my consent." Lifo.
"So you've lost all yonr marbles,
eh? Well, it serves you right. Boys
always lose who play on Sundays."
"But how about the other feller, who
won all my marbles?"
Willie "Say, pa, what does the
paper mean by referring to Mr Soft
leigh as an ornament to society." Pa
"It probably means that his useful
ness on earth is not apparent." Chi
cago News.
"Mudge is doing well. He came in
and asked me for change for a twenty
dollar bill half an hour ago." "H'm.
A little louger ago thau that he came
into my place and got small bills
changed into a twenty." Indian
apolis Journal.
Mrs. Youuglove "These women
write about 'How Husbauds Should Be
Managed' Do you suppose they man
age their husbands any better than we
do?" Mrs. Elders "Do I. Why,
pshaw! child, don't you know they
haven't any husbands?" Detroit Free
Press.
Preferred a Solo.
A gushing, sentimental girl and her
matter-of-fact aunt sat on a green hill
side, the aunt endeavoring to enjoy
nature, while her niece discoursed of
things far and near without a notice
able pause of breath.
At last she spoke of the beauties of
the landscape, at great length. "I
love to liHten to the music of that
brook as it babbles on and on," she
said, unwisely,
"Yes," said tho annt, seizing her
first opportunity, "the babbling of a
brook is a pleasant sound, my dear.
I think I prefer it as a solo, however,
rather than with another part. I don't
care so much for a babbling duet."
Then for a few delightful momen's
there was silence on the green hill
side. Youth's Companion.
Increasing tho Site of Fruit.
A French agricultural journal gives
the method by which a vine grower, of
Touraiue, is said to produce magnifi
cent grapes. Ho dissolves two kilo
grams of sulphate of iron in 100 litres
of water, and sprinkles it ou the
leaves and bunches of the vines. The
first application is made when the
grapes are about one-third of their
full size; the second, about a month
later, and the third, about twenty
days before they are cut. It is claimed
that corresponding results are ob
tained with pears, apples and cherries.
The method is inexpensive, and the
journal quoted recommends a trial,
though it does not guarantee the suc
cess of the treatment in all' cases.
London Times.
wards.