Tiie Forest Repiiunu ail
Is published every Wednoa Jay, by
J. E. WENK.
Office In Smear laugh & Co,'i Buildinj
ILM STREET, TIOKEST1, PA.
.Teime, - tjl.oo yMr,
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period than three mouths.
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tha eoautry. No notloe will be taken of
anonymous oommaaloatlons.
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Legal advertisement! ten cents per line
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Marriages and death notices gratis.
All bills for yearly advertisements collected
quarterly Temporary advertisements must
be paid in advance.
Job work cash on deliver.
VOL. XXXI. NO. 43.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, FEB. 8, 1899. $1.00 PER ANNUM.
R
EST
An order for 2500 tons of eighty
three-pound steel rails for an Irish
V IJ'lway-has been placed yith the
rPSfidm' JJJZrjV.Z-uti7. American
rails iliuVtfuefore this gone to British
x eolonial possessions, but this is under
stood to be the first time that they
have been bought for use in the
United Kingdom.
The fact, just made public, that it
was Admiral . Dewey who first sng
gosled the probability that orders for
a naval ttomoustration against the
joast of Spain would call home
Cainara's squadron causes no astonish
ment. It merely adds one moro
agreeable but unnecessary item to the
long list of proofs that Dewey is
darling.
The Suprome Court in Tennessee
declares that the law passed by tho
Tennessee Legislature prohibiting the
sale of cigarettes in that State is con
stitutional. In Chicago the City Coun
jn votea, the other day, to increase
the coBt of licenses to sell cigarettes
from $100 tQ 8500. In these actions,
however they may result, there is evi
flenoe of a deep-seated suspicion that
Mgarettes are unwholesome. Persons
in whose minds this suspicion has
jjxown to snob, troublesome porportions
that they have come to believe that
the cigarette habit threatens to under
, mine American manhood, may find
... some comfort in the report of the
Commissioner of Internal Ttnvennn
. who has reasons for believing that
duriug the last fiscal year the con
sumption of cigarettes dimished 882,
. " 587,200. '
At Loosbnrg, Va., a madstone
which is famous throughout that sec
tion and is said to have cured many
oases of hydrophobia, was sold at
auction, to wind np an estate, for
$150. The purchaser , was J. A. Gei
man, a prominent resident of Loudoun
County, Virginia, whobas full faith in
its powers. It originally belonged to
his great-grandmother and has been
in the family for 131 years. The stone
is about seven-eighths of an inch long,
five-eighths of an inch wide aud one
quarter of an iuoh thick. People in
that neighborhood tell remarkable
stories of its powers. It has been
nsed hundreds of times and they
claim it has never failed. During the
Revolutionary War it was carried in
the knapsack of a private soldier aud
. in Philadelphia was used to cure sevou
persons who were bitten by a mad
dog. At that time it was brought to
the attention of Washington.
Tho Paris Mutin observes: England
is governed on the aristocratic prin
ciple. All the changes, all the prog-
' ress, that in other countries tend to
enfeeble the aristocracy, to scatter
-its influence and its wealth, tend
here on the contrary to strengthen the
aristocracy and to concentrate the
riohes in the hands of tho powerful.
Beside the landed aristocracy there
has beoome established the industrial
aud commercial aristocracy; to the
lords are adjoined the great bourgeois
representatives. There is no antago
nism in their aspirations and their in
terests; on the contrary, they have
the same needs and they march to
gether on the same route. They do
not hinder each other; they aid each
other. England's government is not in
the least in danger of a revolution like
oars. Ko olass has desire to destroy
the one nbove it. The .Englishman
loves liberty; he does not care at all
for equality.
"The fate which he dreaded has al
ready overtaken Lnceheui, ' says the
British Medical Journal. "The crim
inal anthropologists have naturally
marked the murderer of the Empress
of Austria for their own as a subject
of scientific study. The corpus vile
of the criminal will doubtless be re
served for Professor Lombroso oi
some expert of equal rank, but in the
meantime some eager investigators
have been studying photographs of
Luocheni. To the eye of the ordi
nary observer he looks a commonplace
ruffian, but the criminal anthropolo-
gists, we are assured, at once see even
jin a photograph' complete asymmetry
,of the body. Amyotrophy of the face,
rneck, trunk, arm and log on the left
'side is very marked. Those stigmata
aro the conseqnences of grave cere
brospinal lesions occurring in infancy,
and due to heredity, alcholism atav
ism,' misere physiologique, or Borne
disease of infancy, perhap3 an en
cephalomyelitis or lateral sclerosis,
from which complete recovery never
took place. Lucchoni is pronounced
to be a type of the asmmetrique de
sequilibre. It would have been more
satisfactory if the criminal anthropol
ogists could have reotgnized all these
evidences of criinln.rlity before Lnc
cheni had pepetratod toe crime which
has given him the notoreity of in
famy which he coveted."
A BALLAD OF
I see a host of little men
Troop by from school at balf-past tbreo,
And presently troop back again,
Skates on their arms, in highest glee.
The gleaming blades throw buck to me
A shaft of sunlight and ore gone;
And then, as In a ilrentn, I see
The old-time skates that buckled onl
They nil come bank the good old waysl
The legend that to boy and man
The oars showed on propitious days
"Good skating on branch Crook" It ran.
From that hour Boreas began
His reigu till dlscflthroned anon.
There were no dearer treasures than
The old-time skates that buckled onl
THE SENSITIVENESS OF QUIRK
BY WARD
EORGE QUIRK
had no time to
waste. That
fact could be
easily discerned
from the hur
ned, impatient
step with which
he strode along,
ii a a anyone
taken the trou
ble to follow the
noteworthy geii
tloraan, his destination would not
have long remained a matter of doubt
Threo or four doors along the ave
nue his anxious gaze encountered
sign, "Dr. Conrad Sohniitdeil," and
toward that Mecca, for it was east of
where he stood, he bent his steps.
Mr. Quirk s compluiut was two
fold. He suffered from sensitiveness
and nervousness; he had poor control
of his feelings and still worso of his
muscles. He regarded a doctor as a
court of last resort, and he hesitated
when he turned the handle to open
tne uoor.
A young looking man advanced, and
oi him U,mrk inquired:
"Is Doetor Schmitdeil in?"
"Df he vas not oudt, I vas in,
dink," remarked the other, in broken
English.
The words irritated Mr. Ouirk.
"You are too smart, by half, for an
office boy," he declared in a Bharply
reproving tone, "wuere is the doo
tor?"
"I vas him, mineself, I toldt you,'
responaea tne uerman.
Iteally, are you Doctor Conrad
Schmitdeil, the promising young phy.
Bician oi wnom everyone is talking?
saul Quirk, scarcely believing that
such could be the case.
The youthful Teuton nodded
gravely.
"I vas him," said he; then, draw
ing from the shelf a large book, he
-.11-1 wr . . . .
uuueu, iuy register; vol is your
name?
"George Quirls," replied his patient,
nervously. As the other failed to
understand, he repeated: "Quirk,
Quirk! Can't you understand?
Quirk, Quirk."
"I vonld not got so oxcited aboudt
it, retorted the physician, and com
inentod to himself. "Veil, I don't
care; I dakes his 'sass' in dor pill
ouat oi.
"Who's excited? Who's excited?"
queried Quirk, nervously.
"Uf it vas not me, I dink you know
1 j i -w 1 , ,
juuraeu peuer. i ainks aere vas
somedmgs der matter mit you."
it . ...
kji course, you Diamea tool! com
menced Quirk. The Gorman rose to
his feet, but George continued as
calmly as was possible for so excita
ble a gentleman. "Of course! Do
you suppose I would consult a physi
emu if there wasn't something the
matter with me?"
"I dinks I forgot flat," said the
doctor, scratching his head. "Vot is
wrong?"
"Nervousness and sensitiveness.'
"Neirfousness and snnsitiveness
dot vas pad. Vas you bo your hands
vouui not stay still vile you dinks?1
"Oh, worse than that, far worse!
I am as nervous as as a young man
proposing, and as sensitive as au as
piring poet as an aspiring poet. I
tell you, Doctor Schmitdeil, . it's
awful."
Oh, it is not so'veirse." said the
physician, cheerfully, for he had
picked up a little of our slang. "Uf
you do vat I tells you, a cure vill
quickly result itself. I haf tried it on
several nf mine patients und it vas
nefer failed. But it vill be quite hard
for you to make your miudt up to do
vat I tell you."
"What must I do?" inquired Quirk.
nervously. .
"Become a canvasser." replied the
doctor, "und dake subscriptions for a
mitgazine. tf dat don't ellect a cure,
I will ate my hat dot is unless you
vas an incurable."
"I am not an incurable. I assure
you, Doctor Schmitdeil," said Quirk,
solemnly.
"Den I am quite certain dot you
von't been yourself at dat timo next
month. Uf yon do vot I tell you, Mr.
Quirk, you are all O. Gay. ' Vot you
must do vas dis: Send to a mitgazine
for terms und outfit und get right to
veirk, seriously, shust as dough your
life depended it on. You will nefer
again bo troubled mit sunsitiveness,
at least."
"Thanks, doctor, thanks! I'll try
it at onoe, and let you know the re
sult. How much for your advice?"
"Dot vas agreeable to me, Mr.
Quirk. Fife dollars, sir, are my
charges in die case."
Bather ruefully, George drew a bill
from his pocket and handed it to the
Teuton. The latter laughed wisely as
he opened the door for his patient.
"I toldt mineself his sass I would
got my pay for," he reflected. "It is
quite expensive to be neirfous and
imuiui mxMit mm.
T ilia nose was prominent, He was par-
OLD SKATES.
Good skating? Well! Four months of it!
(The winter months then got their dues!
Ana many a night saw bonllres lit
Upon tho loe and barbecues!
At six, with neel-plutes In my shoes,
My best boast was that 1 could don,
With' all their clumsy straps and screws,
The old-time skutes that buoklod onl
Young man, (the modern skate's 'a "champ'
mi jusi penociion. you aeciarn;
Tat I'll be bound tho clover clamp
Does not increase the sport a hair.
I'm in the forties now, mv share
Embonpoint; but, by Helicon!
It I eould skate I still would wear
The old-time skates that buckled on!
Edward W. Barnard. In Puck.
McCAULEY.
Bensitive dot is
rad Schmitdeil."
if you consult Con
Quirk lost no time in Bending
stamps to tne publisher of Popper
Uazette for a canvassing outfit, which
arrived in the course of a few days,
uace possessed oi his implements
of
navigation, he determined to embark
upon his sea of trouble at once.
"It is the crucible that purities the
gold," thought he, "and it will be
through hardship that I am cured of
my maladies of disposilion."
The sample copy of the Gazette pre
sented a very handsome appearance,
aud, as Quirk gazed upon it, he con
gratulated himself on his choice,
Onoe started on his tour, the nervous
gontleman reconnoitred for a suitable
street on which to operate. A long
avenue, uneu with houses occupied by
people of the middle-class, attracted
his attention, and there it was that he
began the actual work.
I he first house was a plain brick
building, and under ordinary coudi
lions ue wouia not have Riven it
second thought, if, indeed, it received
a first one. Now, however, it loomed
up appalling, and Quirk pictured
aarit, gloomy rooms for the imprison
mem ot agents.
Ho remained in front of the house
for at least ten minutes before he
raised sufficient courage to climb th
steps and ring the bell. His hand
were shaking, and he toyed nervously
wnu tne paper wnicu he carried. At
the last minute Lis small amount of
nerve failed him and he fled ig
nominiously, but not in time, for the
lady of the house opened the door just
as ne reached the street.
xuu re a nice one, eaiu sue. "an
to the tricks of a boy, bringing people
to the door by ringing the bell!" And
she disappeared.
"A lucky escape," said Quirk
"Bhe is a regular tartar. I'm glad
didu't stay, but she inferred that
raug the bell to bring her to the door
How inconsiderate some neonle are!"
Fearing another encounter with the
lady of the first house he .skipped
four, and clenching his fists determin
edly, mounted the stairs before a com
fortable frame dwelling.
This time he stood his ground, and
waited for whoever or whatever should
appear. It proved to be a very lady
1 : i j i , .
line person, and wuen sue Btooil on
me luresuoiu and looked inauiring
at uuiru, ne remained SDeenhlfias
for a moment. Suddenly it dawned
upon him that people don t ring door
bells aud stand on steps unless they
uave au errana.
"Madam," said he, tryina'hard not
to stammer, "I represent Popper's
uazette. rie took a sidelong ghmnse
at the paper to assure himself that he
had rightly named it. . "I should be
pleased to enter your subscription at
the rate of one dollar a year. I say I
. i ,1, , .
suomu De pieasea to enter p-"
Quirk's nervousness was almost the
ceuse of his undoing. The lady
pursed nernps in that distant manner
so exasperating to a sensitive person
Besides, you see. she was a la1v
"X don t care lor .Topper's Gazette."
said she, quietly, yet with a plaiuly
uiscernioie sneering inflection, "aud
never purchase anything from
agents.
Quirk stood bolt upright, his hands
at his sides, his face pale, awaiting
ner iurtuer utterance. .Nothing more
came, nowever, and the lady retired,
closing the door, and, to Quirk's
great chagrin, locking it as well.
That was the unkindest cut of all.
But the thing had to be done.
Quirk knocked bravely at the door of
tho next house. ' No one responding.
he pounded harder. Soon steps were
heard in the hall, and George found
himself confronting a frowsy-looking
man who wore no collar, and whose
hair suggested a very recent sojourn
iu bed. The man's eyes were about
half closed, and ho assumed a frown
deep and intense.
What the deuce do you want?"
said he.
'I represent Popper's Gazette, a
monthly magazine." And Quirk hes
itatingly advanced the sample.
You blasted agent," almost
screamed the sleepy man. "I'd like
o hang your whole tribe! Waking a
fellow up to show him your con
founded Popper's Gazette, or some
darn thing."
"I am sorry to have disturbed you,"
replied Mr. Quirk. "I say I am sorry
to have disturbed you."
"Well, I heard yon. Look here.
our number is four-thirty-four. Mark
it down, and don t you never coma
here with your papers. If you do, by
inks! I'll lay you out."
air," said Quirk, "you are no
gentleman."
I don t care ior what you say. I
thank my stars I'm not a peddler."
(iood day, sir," said Mr. Quirk.
The erstwhile canvasser was all in
a quiver over the various cuts already
administered to mim, but he realized
Kiver. Mis will, wnien is now aep i
about twenty miles from Wash'-'
that in time a permanent cure would
be effected.
) After the usual inward combat,
Ueorge rang the Lell at another
house.
Just at this time it happened that
he was paying attentions to a young
lady of his acquaintance. He was most
anxious to place himself high in her
esteem, aud he was thus far doubtful
of his success. Imagine his sur
prise and consternation when the door
was opened by no other than the
young lady herself.
"Good morning, Mr. Quirk," said
she, graciously. She did not see his
sample copy. "I suppose you want
to see Miss Ernst."
"Yes that is, no I guess I do.
Who is Miss Ernst?"
"Why, she lives here," returned his
friend, in surprise. "Is it not she
whom you wish to see? Did you want
to speak to me? How did you know I
was here?"
Quirk was so nervous that he could
scarcely reply intelligibly.
"I don't want either of you particu
larly. You see I represent Popper's
Gazette, and I am soliciting subscrip
tions." It may be wondered that Quirk did
not invent some yarn and retreat as
gracefully as possible, ne would, as
suredly, have done so but for the fact
that no plan was suggested to him at
the time. Miss Welton, for that was
the young lady's name, replied with
coolness and reserve, "Indeed, Mr,
Quirk! I did not know that you were
an agent. . You told me that you were
studying to enter college. I might
have known better than to believe it,
TITI
wnen miss Melton originally an
peared at the door, she had stepped
welcomingly aside to allow him to come
iu. Now, she moved forward again.
to bar his admittance.
"You see I am not in earnest about
this matter, Miss Welton."
iou are not luen you are no
gentleman."
"I know I'm not. I am a peddler,
x say I am a peddler."
"I heard you. Is there anything
more you wanw 1 don't care for your
Gazette, and as you have deceived me
I don't know that I wish to keep my
engagement with you to-morrow even
ing. Understand me. Mr. .Quirk, I
havo nothing to say against your voca
tion. Had you told me that you were
a cauvasser, I would not have let that
interfere with our friendship; but I do
not like your deliberately telling me a
falsehood."
jbuc you see, Miss w eiton, I am
not really an agent, only pretending,
"Quite a baby yet," said tho young
lady, sarcastically and doubtingly.
"x suppose you know," said Mr,
Quirk, trying hard to ignore the
"dig," "that I am afflicted with ner
vousness and sensitiveness. I went
to Doctor Conrad Schmitdeil and he
prescribed a canvassing tour as a rem
edy. Don t see you? He 6ays can
vassers ore insulted so much that they
don't mind it, and thus are cured of
their trouble."
"Oh, yes, I see, Mr. Quick. Why
didu't yon say so before? Won't you
come in?
This time the door was thrown wide
open. Miss Ernst was brought for
ward, tho two were introduced, and
the trio spent a pleasant hour, during
which time Quirk managed to forget
all about his canvassing, his sensitive
ness and all.
He was quickly reminded of it after
bidding his friends good-by. Once
upon the street, the recollection of his
errand came upon him.
Wearily he rang doorbell after door
bell and produced his copy of the Ga
zette. The reply was Invariably a re
fusal to subscribe, and was usually
accompanied by a slighting speech if
not an actual insult. Fatigue overtook
the unused canvasser, but he was pon
dering too deeply to miud it much.
At noon he had taken lunch in i
dispirited sort of way, and all the after
noon ho had had the bines. At about
five o'clock, to his supreme amazement,
ho secured a subscription. Soon after,
he gave up work for the day.
The experience was kept np until
tho end of the week, and each day was
a repetition of the first as regards in
sults, gibes and sneers.
On Saturday Quirk dropped in on
Doctor Schmitdeil.
Good evening, doctor," said he.
cordially. "Shake hands. I can now
talk rationally. Get me one of your
testimonial blanks at once."
The doctor grasped the hand of his
patient.
"How vas dot canvassing business?"
"Call me a fool, doctor," said Quirk.
"You vas been a fool, Mr. Quirk."
"Thank you, doctor, thnnk you! It
is perfectly clear that I have entirely
lostl'niy sensitiveness, if you had
called me that last week, I'd have had
fit."
"Vas dot so? I daut mineself you
vas not shust as yon might be ven you
called me on.. But dot is a great
scheme."
"Say, doctor," said Quirk, winking.
'get your hat; it is my treat."
The doctor swung his chair around
and touched an electric bell.
"It vas nodt necessary," said he.
'I alvays have uch dings convenient
to mine office. It was shust across der
alley und I haf dis here pecause I
needt them often."
Shortly a waitor appeared.
"Bring me a glaes of mineral water."
Baid Quirk. "Doctor, get as much as
yon like of whatever you want."
Uring me von dozen pottles of
soda," ordered the physician, and to
himself, "I toldt mineself I vould got
his 'sass in der pill oudt of."
The refreshments were brought in.
and the sensitiveness of Quirk was
ushered to a conclusion.
Next to New York, the largest city
the United State? in point of area
is New Orleans.
In 1800 New York
City got ita
water out of wells.
iiul try to make blf honored way
' - politi0'
1 PUZZLE DEPARTMENT. $.
fx
The solutions to these puzzles will ap
pear in a succeeding issue.
11
41 Six Pled Flowers.
1. One name; 2, ;burn alum; 3,
a rest; 4, love it; 5, sour beet; C, flour
news.
42. A Diamond.
1. A consonant in valor; 2, to clear,
3, a spiteful little war vessel of the
United States; 4, an enclosure; 5, a
consonant iu think.
43. ltldille.
I.
I am a word of seven letters, and am
really quite a wonderful thing.
My first 'letter is a vegetable.
My second letter is a form of tho
verb "to be."
My third letter is an exclamation of
wonder.
My fourth letter is the name of a
river.
My fifth letter is a usefnl organ.
My sixth letter is a teamster's com
mand. .
My seventh letter is a questionable
thing.
n.
My home I keep witblng the deep,
The rolling waves below;
But when the water turns to ico,
Then over It I go.
44. A Square.
1. A titlo used in addressing
king; 2, a metal; 3, a land measure;
finals.
ANSWEltS TO TREVIOUS fVZZLES.
37. A Diamond
M
M A B
MADAM
BAD
M
38. Fivo Pied Straits Belleisle,
Mackinaw, Canadian, Florida, Canso.
39. False Adverbs Ho(ly), grist
(ly), imp(ly),cur(ly), order(ly), ear(ty),
rep(ly).
40. A Square
H E A T. T
B R o r,
ARISE
B O S E S
TRESS
WISE WORDS.
The man who persists in overwork
or unwholesome pleasure is seldom
ignorant of the laws of hygiene or the
consequences of disobeying them; but
there is no realization of the penalty
sufficiently vivid to triumph over his
desires for the particular gratinca
tion.
The labor of him who toils solely
from necessity is not honorable. That
labor alone has virtue in it which is
the result of free choice and love of
the work done.
Scientific) truth is marvelous, but
moral truth is divine, and whoever
Ireathcs its air aud works by its light
has fonnd the lost paradise.
The blossoms of spring are tho
prophets of autumn. So a joyiul
Bervico in youth promises a rich fruit
age in after years.
It is not our failures that rnin us.
but our fear and tardiness iu making
new beginnings after failure.
Deep streams move with silent
majesty, shallow brooks babble over
every tiny stone.
He who receives a good turn should
never forget it; he who does one,
should never remember it.
We may stand on the highest hill,
if we are only willing to take steps
enough.
Happiness is a roadside flower,
blooming on the highway of useful
ness.
boonor or later tho world comes
round to see the truth and do right.
Great Work of Art Unearthed by Accident.
Writing of statues worth their
weight in gold, in the St. Nicholas,
Mr. E. H. House says: "Several of
the finest ancient sculptures have
been discovered by pure accident, in
comparatively recent times. The fa
mous Apollo Belvedere, now in the
Vatican, was brought to light only
about four hundred years ago, at An
tium, where many art treasures of the
Roman rulers were once stored. The
group of the Laocoon was dug from
the ruins of the baths of the Emperor
Titus, and the stately Venus of Milo,
or Melos, lay hidden and forgotten for
centuries, iu au island of the Medi
terranean, before it was fonnd by a
lucky chance. Undoubtedly there aro
plenty more of equal value under
Italian and Greciau ground, if peoplo
only knew where to look."
Volcanoes in Alaaka.
Within the last hundred years there
are authentio records of activity on
tbo part of forty-five ' volcanoes in
Alaska. Of these the great majority
are on islands of the Aleutian group,
and less than a dozen in all are on
the mainland. The belt of present
volcanio activity begins on the Cop
per River near Mount Wrangell and
extends westward to Amchitka Inland.
Its length is 1700 miles, or the dis
tance from Florida to Nova Scotia.
Eruptions are likely to ocour at any
time along this line, and the whole
distance is dotted with volcanio cones.
New York Sun.
lie of Good Cheer.
Our own minister of education, Sir
John Gorst, is an amusing speaker iu
his own particular way. So are some
colonial ministers of education, but in
a different way. One of them, in re
cently addressing the scholars at the
opening of a new State school, ob
served: "You cannot all tise to be
ministers of the crown, but one thing
you can do; you can all bo heroes and
heroesscs." Lq",r. Chronicle,
uimj a t
A WONDERFUL SAFE.
The National Treasury of Annam Guarded
bv Crocodiles.
A French traveler in Annam, Asia,
has returned with an account of a
singular national treasury that of
the king of that country. If the story
is true and it presents no essential
improbability the treasury is no
doubt destined to become famous.
In Annam iron safes of good resist
ing power are, of course, unknown,
and, unfortunately, adroit thieves are
not unknown. To defend his most
costly treasures the king had to resort
to some means in harmony with the
natural circumstances of his country.
Armed human guards he could not
fully trust. Animals do not steal
money, and naturo had supplied him
with an auimal which could not be
wheedled, nor killed except with a
good deal of trouble. Tho crocodilo
is such an animal. The king would
have the crocodile guard his specie re
serve. Yet to avail himself of the services
of the crocodile, he must keep his
money iu a place where crocodiles are
at home. Nothing was more simple.
Iu the interior of his palace the king
caused to be constructed a large tank
or basin, which he kept constantly
filled with water. Then he took sev
eral teak logs, which he had bored
with holes, aud into these holes he
put his specie reserve of gold and sil
ver. The holes were closed up and
the logs pnt into the tank.
Then some crocodiles, of the larg
est and fiercest description, were in
stalled in the tank, and maintained
there not being fed, however, with
such a superfluity as to interfere with
their natural ferocity. Any person
who should undertake to reach the
treasure-laden logs would surely bo
eaten by the crocodiles. And anyone
who should attempt to put the saurians
out of his way would have to make
noise enough to attract the atteution
of the human guards and of tho king
himself for the king of Annam is re
quired by custom to remain very slose
ly in his palace.
At any rate, the royal crocodile
treasury has never been robbed and
it cannot burn.
In the Days of Queen Bess.
The setting out of the dinner of
Qneeu Elizabeth was a ceremonious
function. First came a gentleman
with a rod, followed by a gentleman
carrying a tablecloth, which, after
they had knelt reverently three times,
was spread upon the table. The gen
tlemen again knelt three times and re
tired. Then came two others, one
with a rod, the other with a saltcellar,
a plate and bread. They knelt three
times, placed the things on the table,
knelt again aud retired. Next came a
lady-in-waiting, followed by a second;
the first lady dressed in white, after
kneeling three times, approaohed the
table and solemnly rubbod tho plates
with the salt. Then entered twenty
fonr yeomen of the guard, clad in
soarlet, and each carrying a dish of
gold. Theso dishes were placed upon
the table whilo the lady taster gave to
each of the guards a taste from the
dish he had brought, for fear of possi
ble poison. These guards were
selected from the tallest and stoutost
men in all Luglaud. At the close of
this ceremony, a nuinbor of unmar
ried ladies appeared, aud with great
solemnity lifted the various dishes
and carried them to the Queen in her
private apartments. The Queen
dined and supped alone with few at
tendants; and it was seldom that auy
one was admitted at this timo, and
then only at the intercession of some
one iu powor.
The Lovers' Curfew.
It has remained for a Clovelaud
Judgo to fix tho hour at which a
lover's evening call should end. Judge
Fiedler, in answer to tho query of an
anxious father, handed down from the
bench his opinion that 11 o'clock is
the proper time for evening sparking
to cease. If wo tako it for granted
that this is standard time the latitude
of the Judge cannot help but meet with
commendation, even from the most
liberal thinkers on the subject. From
8 o'clock, say, until 11, standard, or
11.80, sun, is certainly ample time
for a single sitting of the character
referred to by the Judgo, aud in well-
regulated households this time-table
should bo prominently displayed, or
at least understood. It would do
away with the venerablo references to
taking in the morning milk, or get
ting the morning paper, or startiug a
fire in the kitchen stove. No doubt
in many instances it would be pleas
ing to the young woman herself, for
if Bhe is a sensible girl she knows
that late hours play the mischief with
feminine good looks. Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Musicians and Stage Fright.
Trema, or fright, declares its pres
ence in the most different forms. It
makes one man tremble, another per
epiro, the third has a headache, the
fourth a thirst. Its most fearful mani
festationchiefly among the strings
is the tattehch tbat cau be detected iu
the nervous trembling of tho bow in
loug-protractod tones. There is per
haps no violinist who does not suffer
from it. Master Joachim does pretty
often.
A violinist in Berlin ho lives' now
in Australia had it not only in his
hands but also in his legs, so that when
he stood on the platform he felt pushed
foward by Bonio invisible power with
out being ablo to check it. But pian
ists, singers and instrumentalists all
suffer similarly. Some have it in the
fingers that run away with them;
others in the throat; others in the lips.
Xluoinstciu notoriously sutlered very
much from this nervousness. It went
so far that when he once had to play
in a concert, at the very moment of his
appearance he vanished from the ar
tists' room and could not be found
again. The concert had to go on with-
TRIUMPH.
Unto a nation spake the voice divine,
"Build thou tor freedom and tor peace
shrine.
"Build It so high its light'may shine above
So strife shall cease, and hatred yield to
love."
She wrought, but still upon her ear there
crept-
The sound ot tears that tell where women
wept,
The sight ot prisoners, and the hungry
cry
Of children, wailing In their misery.
'I cannot build," she said, "till these be
freed.
For night and day their palld faces plead
"Till peace and freedom on my vision rise,
With these sad lips and dim, reproachful
eyes.
'And holy justice cries aloud to me,
'Take thou mv sword and set the cap
tives free.' "
ihe went and conquered. Then with calm
content
To her high task again the nation bent.
The groat world clamored with Insistent
cry,
'Carve glory for the shrine, carve vlo
tory!"
'Nay," said tho nation, that the world
might hear,
'This is the shrine of freedom that I rear."
knd vanquished tyrants said, with wonder
ing nir,
"Who dreamed that freedom was so heav
enly fair?"
-Emily Huntington Miller, in the Chris
tian Advocate.
HUMOR OF, THE DAY.
"I wonder why the Mediterranean
is so blue?" "You'd be blue if yon
had to wash the Italian shore."
He "Is she all that she should
be?" She "Oh, yes; that isn't the
trouble; she's so much else besides."
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Bill "Has the boss raised your
pay?" Jim "Well, no.; he hasn't
been able to raise it for three weeks
now." Yonkers Statesman.
Algernon "In what month were
you- aw bawn?" Miss Keeue "No
matter. The'appropriate stone is the
diamond." Jewelers Weekly.
Patience "What is the cheapest
thing you ever saw about a bargain
counter?" Patrice "A husband
waiting for his wife." Jewish Com
ment. Borus "Yes, I write for the maga
zines occasionally. I can name my
own prico for a magaziue article."
Naggus "Cau you get it?" Chicago
Tribune.
Uncle "How fast you are growing,
Willie!" Willie "Yes, too fast, I
thiuk. They water me too much.
Why, they actually make me have a
bath every morning!"
Bliffers "If I were in your place
1 .1 hate to have people forever refer
ring to me simply as 'old Bullion's
son-in-law.'" Easterly "Oh, don't
bother yourself. That's my business.'
Cleveland Leader.
Hnr eyes to me were "diamonds" raro,
Ilor teeth the finest "pearls"
Set In the rosiest "ruby" Hps,
Whilst "golden" were her ourls.
These were tho riches that I sought,
But find 1 was mistaken.
Alas! too soon 'twas plain to me,
Thoy won't buy eggs orbanonl
London Answers,
"now did young Harduppe ever
succeed in winnintr old Knelt mcli am 'o
consent to marry his daughter? The
crusty old kermudgeon has driven
way a dozen better follows." "I hear
that Harduppe took the old man's
wheel apart, cleaned it ana stored it
away for the winter." Chicago News.
Hixon "Sands, the grocer, is the
most enterprising man I ever saw."
Dixon "Indeed!" Hixon "Yes; he
advertises to give away a parachute
with each can of kerosene. " Dixon
"Clipper, the barber, is equally as
enterprising. He has a card up iu his
window offering a package of court
piaster free with every shave." Chi
cago News.
There is a boy now in the academio
grade at the 'Toly" who will probably
become either a lawyer or a news
paper man. At the close of a lesson
iu grammar a few days since, the
teacher was explaining tho new work
for the next day, a study of word
forms iu gender. Turning to this
boy, he said: "Now, what would you
call tho feminine of stag?" Like a
flash come the reply, "Au afternoon
tea." Brooklyn Life.
The Only Million round Note.
For the first time iu many years the
public has been permitted to see in
tho note library of the Bank of Eng
land the only one million pound Bank
of England note ever issued. The
million pound note is a remarkable
and mysterious bill. Its history is
not known, aud even the date of its
issue is a mystery, as either much cir
culation or voracious moths has been
responsible for tho absence of big
slices of this uuiqne slip of paper. It
is known that it was issued between
tho years 1782 and 1807, as it bears
tho name of Mr. Ab. Newland, who
was duriug that time governor of the
Batik of England, but the purpose of
its issue is still a secret. In the left
hand corner is written "No. 1." it
was tho first and the last. The high
est denomination of Bank of England
notes now obtainable is 1000. New
York Journal.
Aphorisms a La Moils.
If wishes were horses beggars wonld
ride a biko.
A rolling stone gathers remorse.
First come, last served.
Fortune knocks once at least at
every man's gate when he is out. tjjj
Necessity knows no mother-in-law.
It's au east wind blows nobody good
but the doctor and undertaker.
IIalfa loaf is better than no vaca
tion. Time and tide wait for no man, but
but they have to WAIT for a woman.
There's many a "slip" 'twixt the
editor and the would-bo contributor,
The Criterion.