Tm Forest Republican
. Is published every WednosJay, by V
J. E. WENK.
. Office In Smearbangh & Coi Building
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VOL. XXXI. NO. 35. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, DEC. U, 1898.
Sl.OO PER ANNUM.
R
ST
' A For to RIcan bis figured out thn
17. S. A. following Porto Rico ineani
5
Uncle Satn'a Addition.'
The marriage of a former Vice Con'
sul to a servant who Las graced a New
York kitchen will be a happy union o
the consular -nd domestio services.
With British Blue Books and Frenc
Yellow Books it may be said that thi
talk of war'botweeu England an(
Prance is not entirelj colorless.
. "What on earth is all this for?'
General Kitchener was beard to mut
ter when he saw the throng assembled
at Dover to welcome him. There's the
true type of soldier for you the world
over modost as ho is brave, brave ai
he is modest.
Experiments conducted under tin
auspices of the Department of Agri
culture at Washington for a couple of
y6$s are said to indicate that hog
cholera, or s win o plague, can be treated
wilh suooess aud with comparatively
little expense. According to Dr. Sal
mon, of the Bureau of Animal Indus,
try, eighty percent, of the h3S treated
in droves have boon saved, while in
the droves affected with cholera, but
not given the serum treatment em
ployed by the department, eighty per
cent, were lost. Last year the experi
ments resulted iu a loss of twenty-two
per cent, and ttia year the . loss
amounted to only nineteen per cent.
In the view,of Dr.. Salmon there is no
question of the effectiveness of the
serum treatment, whioh now takes
rank as a proved suooess. This is a
matter of a very great interest to the
farmers of the couutry who raise live
stock, for, according to one estimate,
'the hog raisers of the United States
lost $15,000,000 in the year 189G
through the ravages of bog cholera,
in amount the bulk of which might
seemingly have been saved tbrough
the application of the serum treat
ment. It does not neod reference to the
arell-known maxim, "Just as the twig
is bent the tree inclines," to show the
importance of inculcating frugal, sav
inghabits among children. Practically,
however, in most schools this is a
matter of precept only, and even that
Is not in most cases made prominent
by proper insistence. The difference
mcli habits wisely directed may bring
ibont in the lives of children is cer
tainly vast enough to make the sub
ject of inonlcating habits of thrift and
coonomy a feature of the publio
schools. This has been done in mauy
of the school of Chicago, by the
establishment of the penny savings
bank system, through the aid and co
operation of the teachers and certain
banks. Tho system is so arranged as
to require but little time ou the part
of teachers and principals. Tho Til
ton school, up to last June, had sav
ings amounting to $100, the system
Laving being iu operation since the
22d of March last. One of the im
mediate and gratifying results in that
ichool of the saving habit, aooording
to the Principal, says the Chicago
News, has been the practical abolition
of gum chewing and cigarette smok
ing results in themselves worth all
the extra time and attention given by
the teachers, to say nothing of tho
benefit financially and physically to
tho children themselves.
There can be no gainsaying that we
went wild over our victories against
Spain; that we fell pell-mell over each
other in efforts to reward our gallant
sailors and soldiers, and that we made
perfact maniacs of ourselves in the
receptions we gave to our returning
heroes. Then, after the hurrah was
over, after we were hoarse with cheer
ing, after officers had been jumped np
in numbers with dazzling rapidity and
we had clasped the last home-comer
to our gratoful breast then perhaps
we were iuclined to feel somewhat
foolish and began . to think we had
made too much fuss over a little thing
like that. Perish the thought! Our
ebullitions of feeling did credit to the
nation and when tho tree of honor
was shaken the plnms fell generally
into the right places. If we have any
doubt upon this question of enthusiasm
look at what big geese our English
cousins are making over their return
ing victors, muses tho New York Tele
ram. Sir Herbert Kitchener is made
a Lord in a jiffy. The' War Offloe is
distributing V. C.'s and lesser medals
faster than they can be struck off.
Common Councils are offering thanks
in silver boxes faster than they can be
recorded. The London populace
nearly pulled their dear Guards to
pieces. Who can say after all this
that exuberance of thought and ex
pression aud emotion are confined to
the Latin races? Give the sturdy old
Anglo-Saxons tho chances they have
lately had to show feeling and they
will break loose every tiros.
7 THE BABY ON
V.rorvhnd rentlesg.
Grumbling at tbe dust,
Growling at the cinders,
Flctures of disgust.
Axle hot and smoking.
Train delayed an hour,
" IIiw the faces lengthen, ,
sullen, wrinkled, sour.
. Sudden transformation
I Passengers in smllos
1 Scowls nnd frowns have vanlshed-
L What Is It beguiles?
A -BOUGH
OD help us, Miss
Elsie, the bank
has been robbed I
A hundred thou
sand dollars gone,
inissiet aud poor
master awayl Oh,
dearl oh, dear!"
Fully au hour
ago had the above
words been thrust
on pretty lit
tle Elsie Mait
land's bewildered
bearing. She
still sat in the
exaot spot where
the bearer of the
awful news had left
and shocked even
her, too stunned
yet to properly
realize all that the terrible tidings
might mean.
One hundred thousand dollars gone!
And the bank in a somewhat embar
rassed condition before! Worst of
all, the banker himself Elsie's uncle
was away! Elsie Maitland was a
brave little woman, but somehow this
last dreadful thing had well-nigh
robbed her of her bravery.
A step behind her, and a low voice
spoke her name. She knew it at
once; it was her good-for-nothing
brother's." AVby had he come here
now, bringing fresh trouble? For the
first time in her life Elsie felt angry
with him.
"Why are you here again, Harold?"
she cried wheu he was standing there
in frout of her. "When I gave you
that last mouey you promised to stay
away altogether, and try to get some
thing to do. Yet here you are once
more, and this time I cannot help you.
Why, do you come? Uncle John
would be furious at finding you here."
"But he is away, Elsie," the young
man answered breathlessly. "Girlie,
you must help me, just this once. I
promise solemnly never to worry you
again!"
"You have promised solemnly be
fore, Harold," his sister said bitterly.
"I cannot help you, I say. We are
ruined. The bank has been robbed."
Tho startled look on his white face
causod her to cease speaking.
"Is it true, Elsie?" he asked
hoarsely. "Has the bank really been
robbed?"
Sho told bim what she knew, he
listening impatiently.
"I must have money, girlie!" he
burst out. "I must bavo it! I must
get away from here to-night, and I
don't possess a single penny. Quick,
dear. Uncle loft yon 6ome for house
keeping. That will have to do."
"I don't possess a penny, either,"
she persisted. "What is the matter,
Harold? AVhy is it so terribly neces
sary for you to leave Blackmore to
night?" Their eyes met hers clear,
straight-forward, honest; his weak
and nervous.
"Uncle will be coming back to see
about the bauk, Elsie," be muttered
queerly. "He must not find me here."
No, it would only add to the bitter
ness of his return. But what could
she do?
"I have it!" the desperate brother
suddenly exclaimed. "Elsie, this
news about the bank robbery is still
exclusive. The editor of tho Black
more Times would give yon any sum
for it. He is enterprising, and al
ways ready for something startling at
firsthand. -This is our only chauce,
dear."
But Elsio wonld not see it in that
light for a long, long time. It was
not nntil her brother had fully en
larged on the grim necessity of the
case, not until he had forced her to
plainly understand the consequences
if he did not bavo money at once,
that she finally consented to go to the
editor of the Blackmore Times.
Harold Maitland had a smart, cun
ning tongue; on this ocoasion he had
indeed used it well. As he prophesied,
the editor literally- grabbed at tbe
"copy," especially after he had fairly
convinced himself that his would be
tho first paper to publish the startling
news on the morrow. Elsie went
wearily home with the much-needed
money in her pocket. Harold was
waiting in hiding for her, and pounced
down eagerly on the gold.
ir
Au bonr after bis departure their
ancle's manager camo to the bouse,
end asked to see Elsie. When he was
admitted into her presence he noticed
with a sharp pang how wan and -desolate
her little face had grown.
Poor child! Such things as these
were hard for her to have to bear.
How he wished that he could save her
all care and annoyance in the future!
For with the whole of his stout, loyal
heart he loved her.
He showed her a telegram which he
had received from her uncle.
"Returning at once," it said. "Keep
news of robbery out of the papers at
any price till I see you."
Elsie read the words, or, rather,
they chased each other before her
dizzy, aching eyes. She suddenly
tottered forward aud fell in a dead
faint.
Next morning huge posters ap
peared from the offices of the Black
more Times, making public the rob
THE TRAIN.
Grlmmy face and Angers,
Mouth all over crumbs,
Smeary wrist contrasting
Fink and clean-sucked thumbs.
Hound bead nodding, bobbing,
Blue eyes full of fun.
Wind-blown tresses shining
Golden in the sun.
Everybody obeerfnl,
No remarks profane,
Slaglc change effected
liaby on the train.
Indianapolis Journal.
DIAMOND.
bery. Newsboys shouted it frantically
from one street to another, boon a
big crowd had gathered outside the
bank, clamoring loudly for the doors
to be opened.
They wanted their money back,
their hard-won earnings, and they
meant to get it. That exclusive news
sold by Elsie Maitland on the previ
ous evening to the editor of the
Blackmore Times had caused an ap
palling run on her uncle's bank.
The doors were opened at last; the
crowd surged in. presenting checks to
the full amount they had deposited in
the bank. They looked astonished
when the gold came over the counter
in their direction. Clearly they had
expected to be turned away penniless.
They thanked their stars for being
tho first. The bank could not go on
paying out for long, of that they felt
sure.
At noon Elsie and ber unele drove
up to tne front entrance in an open
carriage. He bad insisted on Iier ac
companying him, despite the fact that
she looked wretchedly pale aud ill.
All the way along they had seen
those hideous posters announcing the
robbery.
"How did they get the news?"
John Bivers kept repeating. "Elsie,
child, how did they get the news? It
is a mystery to ine, If only it could
have been kept from them another
twenty-four hours I could have weath
ered the storm."
Poor Elsie's heart ached.
"I have done it!" she cried. "The
fault is mine mine! Oh, Harold, if
only I could have foreseen all this!
Tf nnlr T rnnld hfirA fnrASAAn it. nil'1
III.
As yet Elsie had not told her nncle
who supplied the news to tho paper
She prayed fervently that she might
be able to keep the knowledge to her
self forever, safely bidden from the
fond old man who believed iu her
Fate would decide,
For hours sho sat in a little room
over the bauk, listening to the per
sistent clamorings below for gold.
How much longer could it go on?
"Not lnuoli longer!" John Bivers
said dejectedly to his snffering nieoe.
"Not much longer, Elsie, my girl.
They must have paid it nearly all out
by now. Soon they will have to close
the door. Don t cry, child. It is the
will of Providence, I suppose; but it's
hard to get such a blow as that at my
time of life!"
Presently there were sounds of
cheering in the street. A well-known
millionaire had driven up to the bank.
"My God!" muttered the old banker.
"This is the last straw! Eeginald
Fairfax has turned against me with
the rest; when he has withdrawn
hia money there won't be a penny
ieft!"
"Go and see bim, nnole," Elsie
pleaded. "He is so rich he might be
persuaded to leave it."
"No, child. I could not speak to
him or anyone else to-day."
"Then I will, uncle. Oh, do go
and send him here to me! I most see
him! Eeginald will save us!"
John Bivers went blindly out, aud
Elsie waited for Reginald Fairfax to
come to her. Twice this self-made
man bad asked hef to marry bim;
twice she had refused. He was rich,
but he was also coarse. Life with
him would be a nightmare, she had
always told herself. Sho did not love
him.
But now
He was standing there in front of
her, loudly dressed, and looking more
commonplaco and vulgar thau ever.
How could sho appeal to this boorish
parvenu? She must, though; she bad
worked the mischief, and she must
right it if possible.
At tho end of another five minutes
she was telling him everything all
about ber brother and ber selling the
news of the robbery to the editor. He
listened in silence. She humbled her
self to the dust before him, andbegged
him not to withdraw his money from
the bank.
He smiled queerly.
"You twice asked me to be your
wife," she wound up feverishly, "and
I refused you. Would you still marry
me, Mr. Fairfax? Oh, do answer! If
I said 'yes,' would you still marry
me?"
Tho smile broadened.
"Am I to understand that you are
proposing to me, Miss Maitland?" be
asked.
"Don't seek to humble mo any
more; don't, don't!" she cried. "I
have fallen far enough!"
"Yes," he said; "it must indeed be
a terrible fall for the proud Miss Mait
land to offer herself to me! You offer
to become my wife if I will only leave
my money in your uncle's bank. Con
sidering that I love you aud that you
love someone else it is rather bard
on me, isn't it?"
"Oh, don't, don't! If yon only
knew how I loathe myself for having
said all this to you? You are quite
right to refuse me. How dare I ask
yon or any man to take me under
such conditions? You are quite right
to refnse me."
"I don't know," be answered slow
ly. "If you did not love another man
already it might have been different.
But as it is yes, I certainly won't
marry you, Miss Maitland; you have
humbled yourself tome unnecessarily.
You cannot know me very well when
you imagine that I had come to with
draw my support from your uncle at
such a time as this. Instead, I had
merely come to place the furtber sum
of $250,000 to my account. The pub
lio knows it already, and the paying
into the bank of such a large sum has
restored confidence.
Ere she had time to speak he was
gone.
But the bank was saved! The bank
was saved! A man she had always
despised in her heart had come for
ward and saved it. Why why had
she never been able before to see the
fine nature which lurked beneath a
somewhat boorish exterior?
The exoitement of that day was fol
lowed by a long illness for her. When
she returned to life ouce more it was
to find her uncle in better spirits than
she could ever remember him.
"All the doing of Reginald Fairfax,
Elsie, my girl!" the old banker said
gleefully. "He Btnck to me right
through, Jchild, when everyone else
failed me, and his example saved the
bank."
He had further persuaded old John
Rivers to make a partner of his long
trusted manager. He was therefore
in a position at last to ask Elsie's hand
in marriage. When he asked her she
answered, 4'Yes."
Some months after their marriage
Elsie received another visit from het
brother Harold. He was altogether a
different person. He was going tc
America, aud bad come to make a con
fession to her.
He had sold his knowledge of their
uncle aud the ban'.: to a certain gang
of thieros for a large sum of mouey.
But he bad never known a happy
minute sinoe, and he had never
touched a farthiug of the ill-gotten
cash. He was going to America now,
to start life in earnest, and wheu bis
sister asked him. where he had found
the necessary funds he told her that
thejdonor was"ReginaldFairfax.
THi CHINESE CHOPSTICK.
Most Efficient Device For the Purpose
jii-i Ever Invented.
With the evidences of Asiatic- con
tact supposed to be so strong in Cen
tral America, one might have im
agined that so useful a device as the
simple chopsticks would have seoured
a footing. These two sticks, held in
one baud and known" iu China as
"hasteners or nimbleyads," are cer
tainly the most useful, the most eco
nomical, and the most efficient device
for their purposes ever invented by
man. Throughout the vast Asian re
gion, ombraciug a population of fire
hundred million, the chopstick is used
as a substitute for fork, tongs, and
certain forms of tweezers. Even fish,
omelet, and cake are separated with
the chopsticks, and the cook, the
street scavengor, and the watch re
pairei use this device in the form of
iron, long bamboo, and delicate ivory.
Tho bamboo chopstick was known in
ChiualOOOB. C, and shortly after
this date the ivory form was devised.
Their use is one of great antiquity in
Japan, as attested by references to it
in the ancient records of that couutry.
One may search iu vaiu for tho trace
of any object in the nature of a chop
stick in Central oi South America.
Knitting needles of wood are found in
the work baskets associated with an
cient Peruvian mummies, but the
chopstick has not been found. Curi
ous pottery rests for the chopsticks
are exhumed iu Japan, but even this
enduring testimony of its early use is
yet to be revealed in this country.
From Was Middle America Peopled
From Asia? by Professor E. E. Morse,
in Appleton's Popular Science Month-
'y.
The Mare That Got Left.
A Scottish paper tells a story of
Sandy Mc , a Forfarshire farmer,
who had been spending an bonr or
two in the evening with a friend a
couple of miles away. It was a moon
light night, and Sandy, after partak
ing freely of bis friend's hospitality,
was riding quietly homo across the
sheep pastures on bis "guid auld
mare," when they came to an open
ditcb, whioh bis mare refused to cross.
A "Hoot awa, Maggie," said the rider,
'this winna dae. Ye maun jist ower."
He turned back about a hundred
yards, wheeled round, and gave the
mare a touch of bis whip. On she
went at a brisk canter; but as they
reached the edge of the ditch she
stopped dead aud shot Sandy clean
over to the other side.
Gathering himself uy, Sandy looked
his mare straight in the face and said:
"Vera weol pitched, indeed, ma
lass. Bit boo are ye goin' to get ower
yersel', eh?"
A Speaking Acquaintance.
"Yes," said Mr. Jones, when a cer
tain girl's name had been mentioned,
"I know her to speak to, but not by
sight."
"You mean," cut in the prompt cor
rector "you mean that you know hei
by sight, but not to speak to."
"Do I?" asked Mr. Jones, anxious
iy-
"Of course, you do. You have seen
her so often that you know who she is,
but have never been introduced to
her. Isn't that it?"
"No, that isn't it. I never saw her
at all to know her, but I speak to her
nearly every day."
"How can that be?"
"She is the telephone girl at Cen
tral." Harper's Bazar.
A New Home For Emperor's Sons.
A small but pretty chateau is being
erected in the forest of Grunewald,
near Berlin, Germany, for use as a
residence for the Emperor's youngest
sons. The marble palace at Potsdam,
on the shores of the River Havel, has
been found to be damp and un
healthy, which caused an outbreak of
typhoid fever there recently.
The solutions to these pu tales will ap
pear iu a succeeding Issue. - -
P. A Ladder.
The rounds 1. A carpenter's tool.
2. A division of time. 3. A battle
ship. '4. An organ of the body.
Primals Tbe vessel that made the
first capture in the war with Spain.
Finals A battleship now building.
10. A Square.
1. A piece of timber. 2. Formerly.
3. To examine closely. 4. A pavilion.
11. A Diamond.
1. A consonant iu Think. 2. A
piece of turf. 3. Eaten at dinner. 4.
Enjoyed by school children. 5. A
jolloquial name for father. C. A di
vision of time. 7. A vowel in Easy.
13. A Letter Funis.
19 9 22 3 11
5 18 1 20 10 12
4 8 14 17 15 21
23 16 C 2 7 13
Reading across 1. A sportsman.
2. Challenges. 3. An article of furni
ture. 4. To pollute.
When these words are correctly
juessed the letters represented by the
figures from 1 to 23 will spell the title
of a book and its author.
SOLUTIONS TO PREVIOUS PUZZLES.
5. A Double Acrostio
TOMB
HERO
E N O S
HURT
UNTO
B E AN
6 An Hour Glass
G R U M
C H R
B L I
ONI
N G
O
VENUS
NAP
P
CAB
ARROW
PLATTE
P R O M E N A
7. Three Buried Cities and One
Buried State. Quebec, Geneva, Bam-'
bay, Texas.
8. Five Pied Lakes of the United
States. Traverse, Mullets, Oneida,
Drummond, Sedgwick.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL
Nervous people should be relieved
co know that a search of medical litera
ture reveals no substantial caso ol
burial alive.
It has been found that the soot pro
luced when acetylene gas is burued
with a smoking flame gives carbon of
high grade.
It is estimated that the whole coal
inpply of our planet would barely
suffice to produce heat equal to that
which the sun dissipates in one-tenth
of a second.
Hydrophobia has animal instead ol
bacterial origin in the view of Dr. A.
Grigorjew, a German biologist, who
has isolated what appears to be a pro
tozoan from patients suffering from
rabies.
The icebergs of the two hemispheres
are entirely different in shape. The
arctio bergs are irregular in form, with
lofty pinnacles and glittering domes,
while the an tar tic bergs are flat-topped
and solid-looking.
It has been found that the moss of
tho tamarack swamps in Minnesota is
as good as that of the South for np
boisterers' use, aud there is promise
of an extensive industrial development
in the preparation of the new com
modity. Experiments have resulted in the
discovery that, by pressure, marble ia
capable of being moulded into any
desired form, while still retaining its
strength, columns of marble two centi
metres, two and one-half in diameter,
aud four centimetres in length being
thus accurately turned and polished.
Recent Wireless Telegraphy.
A good illustration of one of the
possible usea of wireless telegraphy
was afforded on the other nide of the
Atlantic, shortly after the Prince of
Wales injured his knee. He was on
board bis yacht, and it was cruising
off the Isle of Wight. By means of
the Marconi apparatus be was able to
send bulletins regarding his condition
to the Queen, who was at Osborne
House. Other members of the royal
family, also, made use of the installa
tion, among them the Duke of York
and the Duke and Duchess of Con
naught. Two interesting discoveries were
made at this time. The system ap
peared to work better In heavy weathti
than when the air was clear. And on
one occasion a straight line between
the sending and receiving instruments
passed through a hill, and yet no in
terference was experienced. At pres
ent it is not known whether the oleo-tro-magnetio
waves went through the
earth at this point or curved up over
the hill and then came down again.
New York Tribune.
TVant No Amateur Cook-Ml.trs.ars.
London cooks are beginning to re
bel against takiug service with a mis
tress who knows, or who thinks she
knowr, something about cooking. The
other day a cook made reservation in
her application at an agency that her
mistress must be "old and sensible."
She said she wouldu't go to a house
where the employer went into the
kitchen to show her how to stew, roast
and boil.
TALE OF A DESERTED CITY.
Meadow Lake, la California, Is Called the
American Fouapell.
In Nevada County, California, re
:pose the remains of one of the Strang
j est towns on this continent. Meadow
I Lake is the American Pompeii, whose
I entombing lava is the summit snow
' storms, which sometimes bury it
twenty-five feet deep ou a level, and
those annual exhuming is brought
about by the summer suu.
It was in the summer of 1865 that
the name Meadow Lake was formally
given to the town, previously called
Excelsior and Summit City. Until
1858 nothing had been done in the
way of prospecting that particular lo
cality. Henry Hartly, an Englishman, who
visited the vicinity in June, 1863, in
search of game aud chanced to dis
cover fragments of gold, imparted his
discovery to his friends. A company
was formed, and soon after other com
panies, and the building of a city was
started.
With the close of the fall of 1865 the
new city contained about one hundred
and fifty houses completed and a num
ber of others iu course of construc
tion. Then all hopes were blasted.
The adventurers awoke to the sad
reality that, though there was plenty
of gold in Meadow Lake, it was so
combined with some snbstance un
known to the metallurgists that it was
effectually locked from the hands of
man.
All dreams, the black art, science
and metallurgy were set at naught.
One after another, as they abandoned
hope, the disappointed gold seekers
turned their backs on Meadow Lake
and went down the mountain.
More than two million dollars hud
been poured into that bottomless abyss
of California known as "dead work,"
to pay for mills, roads, buildings and
mining.
For years the solitary inhabitant of
Meadow Lake was Hartly, the Eng
lishman, who was mainly responsible
for the existence of the town.
How Dishes Got Their Nantes.
The sandwich is called for the Earl
of Sandwich. Mulligatawny is from
an East India word meaning pepper
water. Waffle is from wafel, a word
of Teutonic origin, meaning honey
comb. Hominy is from Anruminea,
the North American Indian word for
parched corn.- Gooseberry fool is a
corruption of gooseberry fonle, milled
or pressed gooseberries. Forcemeat
is a corruption of farcemeat from the
French farce, stuffing, i. e. meat for
stuffing. Succotash is a dish bor
rowed from the Narragansett Indians
and called by them m'sickquatash.
Blancmange means literally white
food; hence chocolate blanc-mange is
something of a misnomer. Charlotte
is a corruption of the old English
word charlyt, which means a dish of
custard, and charlotte russe is Rus
sian charlotte. Gumbo is simply okra
soup, gumbo being the name by which
okra is often known in- the South.
Chicken gumbo is soup of okra and
chicken. Macaroni is taken from a
Greek derivation which means "the
blessed dead," in allusion to the an
cient custom of eating it at feasts for
the dead. Grocers' Review.
Tailoring Under Difficulties.
Mr. Knight, the adventurous cor
respondent of the London Times, who
got into Cuba after twenty-four boms'
immersion in the water about three
'months ago has just returned from
Havana. Once in the city he was un
able to get out. One of bis most
amusing adventures occurred wheu
he was imprisoned in Fort Morro, be
fore his identity was fully established.
He landed on the coast in rags, and
when he got to the prison asked that
a tailor should be sent to bim. Tbe
tailor came, but was not admitted to
the cell in which Mr. Knight was con
fined. However he measured the war
correspondent through the bars of the
window, and next day returned with
the garments cut and pinned together
for the trying on. This was accom
plished with some difficulty, Mr.
Knight standing up close to the bars
while the tailor did the fitting. The
suit proved to be a remarkably good
fit, and Mr. Knight wears it with
pride in London. Boston Journal.
A Story ot Ben Itntler.
An old friend of General Butler
tells a new story of the soldier-lawyer.
According to it, toward the close
of his career, when he ranked well
toward the top of the bar for criminal
cases, Butler was sent for by a pris
oner cherged with murder. Upon
his arrival in the cell of the accused
man a distressing scene was enacted.
The prisoner at once became hysteri
cal and implored the lawyer's assis
tance. "General," be cried, "I want
you to defend me. You must defend
me. I'm in danger of being banged,
and I know you can get me off if any
body can." "Are you guilty or are
you innocent?" calmly inquired the
General. "Oh, I am innocent, en
tirely innocent," protested the pris
oner with tears. "Then you don't
need me," quietly responded General
Butler, rising and reaching for his
hat. "Innocent men are not banged
in Massachusetts. Good day, sir."
Juvenile Nostalgia.
The sensation of homesickness has
been variously described, but never
more graphically than by a little girl
who, miles away from; home and
mamma, sat heavy-eyed and silent at a
hotel table.
"Aren't you hungry, dear?" asked
her aunt, with whom sho was traveling-
"No."
"Doesn't your head ache?"
"No."
"What's the matter?"
Thechild's lip quivered, and she said
in a tone to grieve the heart:
"I'm seasick for home." National
Parmer. '. . '.
ON CRUTCHES.
When I 'listed folks all said.
An' I guess thoy hit it right,
"Jim's so good at raisin' Ned
Mi;bbv he's cut out to flght."
So 1 started, sore but proud
All alone I took th' train;
Sav, that dilTerd from th" crowd
Whoa they bruog me borne again
On crutches.
Lawyor Dobson grabbed my hand
Never knew me 'fore I went;
Said I'd led th' Spnrtaa baud
Wonder wlmt in sin he meant;
Then th' folks, when they had yelled,
Het me iu Jofh Hooper's hack;
Tell you what ray hoad was swelled
Wheu I came n-limpln' back
On crutches.
Canker Green got oft a speech;
Told 'em how I bore th' flag.
Fust man thro' th' shuttered breach
Set me bliishln' with his brag.;
Then be said, "I have n plnce
Knved forSergeant Jim to fill,
When he gets his health and graco
Say, I nearly had a spill
On crutches.
Tarson, too, on Sunday night,
Aim os' shamed me to th' ground;
Called me hero ot th' light.
Asked 'om all to wait around.
Chrls'mns, how they stayed an' shook!
But, ye sue. I didn't enro
When I caught Myrtilly'g look
As I stood a-swayin' there
On crutches.
Somohow we were 'nenth th' stars,
'Cross the Meld n-walkln' slow,
When Myrtllly dropped th' bnrs-
"Lean on mc," she whispered low.
Lordy, but Tiy bfurt went fast
Hide by side with 'Tilly there
Life seemed too blame good to last
'Cross that Held I stumped on ulr,
Not crutches.
William ltussell Hose, In tbe Criterion,
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
ne "There is always something
lonsensical about a pretty woman."
She "Yes; it's a man.
We suppose whiskers originated
ifhen Daniel bearded the lions in their
len. Philadelphia Bulletin.
The modern Cindorelias,
Left at home beside the embers,
Are tho husbands of the women
Who of many clubs are mombri.
Llfo.
After a mau reaches the age of forty
le quits tryiug to secure the moon
itnd gives bis entire attention to get
ting tho earth.
She "Did yon let him Kiss you be
fore you were engaged?' She "Yes.
That's how we happen to bo engaged.
Papa came aloug."
Patient "Doctor, I would like to
lave your bill." Doctor "Yon had
bettor wait until you are a little
stronger."- -Up-to-Date.
'What do you consider tho hardest
problem of a man's existence?"
"Getting his own conseut to craw)
jut of bed iu the morning."
He (exhibiting sketch) "It's the
oest thing I over did." She (sympa
thetically) "Ob, well, yon mustn't
let that discourage you!" Tit-Bits,
He paid her lovely compliments
I'nat tilled ber heart with thrills.
IIu's sorry lor his r.ishness now,
For now lie pays her bills.
i'hllndulpbla Record.
"So the war is really over?" "Yes;
jur laudlady has takeu down 'Re
member the Maine,' aud put up our
favorite old motto, 'Pay as you go."
Truth.
He "Here it tells of a doctor who
lays impolitoness is a disease." Sho
"So it is. And iu tho street car it
is generally found to be well seated.''
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The Sweet Young Thing "I won
3er if you ever felt tbe pangs of love?"
The Savage Bachelor "I had a deep
aud abiding love for green apples
ivhen I was a small boy." Indian'
apolis Journal.
By the time a mau has learned to
jpeuk with discretion aud weigh his
words carefully, a younger generation
spriugs up, thrusts him iu a corner,
aud will not let him speak at all.
Atchison Globe.
Mrs. Filauthrop "If you are a
infferer from nervous prostration, as
you say you are, why don't you do
something for it?" Tuffold Kuutt "I
do, ma'am; I'm tukiu' wot they cal'
the rescure." Chicago Tribune.
"This scientist says that a futuri
war may bo decided by submarini
fighting." "That's goodl" exclaimed
Sagasta, with a gleam of hope in hit
eye. "We have a lot of ships alreadj
on the ground." Washington Star.
"My father-in-law is simpleton!
The other day I wrote him that my
pecuniary embarrassments were turn
ing my hair gray, and what do you
Bupposo his answer was? He sent me
a bottle of hair dyol" Fliegendf
Blaetter.
Jeweler "Tho inscription you
wish engravod on tho inside of th
riug I nnderstaud is "George tc
Irene." Young Man (with embar
rassment) "Yes, that's right. Bui
er dou't cut the "Irene" deep."
Standard.
A lady who adored a certain preach
r took tho late Archbishop Migee tc
hear him. "Oh, what a saint iu th
pulpit!" said the lady, as they wer
going home. "And, oh, what a
oiartyr iu the pew!" added the Arch
bishop. Tit-Bits..
To Make the Kyea Ilrleht.
The Hiiuplo pluu of bathing tho eyes
ith cold water every night at bed-
iiuie and the first thing on getting up
in tho moruiugwill make the eyes both
:lear and bright. TUo application of
iold water causes tho blood iu the nu
nerous little blood vessels which sur
round tho eyes to circulate freely, and
in consequence tlio eyes will beconu
itronger anil brighter.
Worthy or III Digiilt.r.
"The style of your new office build
jig puzzles me a little. I can make
nt the rooms for the oIIuvh. There
leenis .to be the entrance. Hero in the
inner court. That room over there
00 Us large enough to be au auditorium.
3ut what is this elaborately planned
ipartaieut on the second lloorV" ,
"This will ba tho jauitornim."
-hicago Tribuua.