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VOL. XXXI. NO. 33.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, NOV. 30, 1808. $1.00 PEll ANNUM.
- Philadelphia now pnts in a strong
claim to bo known as a city of churches,
Torto Rioo hopes to beoome one oi
the States ot the Uuioa within fire
years.
It is bolieved in the Northwest that
onr soldiers would not havo been un
dor fire if th6 Indians had not been
under firewater.
u . . - .
Tho Jerusalem trip of the Emperor
William may have arisen from his ter
ritorial expansion fever. He felt ho
had to take something, so ho took a
journey.
Tho Czar should not be disoonragod
booause his first attempt at interna
tional reform did not suooeed. Ablor
men than he is havo been obliged . to
leave good idoas ' to '" prosterity to be
n 1i A it nut
Stripped of her armor and war paint,
the American linor St. Louis has
started once more oclier peaceful but
no leas honorable career as a oommerce
carrier. Whether iu peace or war she
js credit to tho nation whose Aug Bhe
flies.
Tho horse seems to be doomed, lie
has been useful in his day, but me
ohanical genius has found something
better. What with bicyoles for tho
army, and balloons, and automobiles,
we are really on the edgo of a revela
tion:.": ; ' ' y
" '.
The decision to retain in tho nary
all the auxiliaries purchased during
the war, coupled with the limitation of
trade between American and For to
Bican ports to ' American vessels,
means good times for ship builders.
To restore coasting Hues to their con.
dition before the war and to provide
fer increased trade many new vessels
. mast do ooostrucicu.
Stanley, the explorer, says that
slavery will nevor bo abolished iu
Africa nntil railways are constructed
from the coast to tho interior. This
is s becausa in many parts of the
Dark Continent' slaros are the only
means of carriage for commodities,
and, for the most ' part, goods are
brought to tho coast and their ex
change value taken baok again on the
baoks of slaves.
If a child in Switzerland does not
attend school on n particular day, the
parent gets a notice from the public
authority that ha is fined so many
francs; the second day the fine is in
creased, and by tho third day the
amount becomes a serious one. In
case of sickness the pupil is excused,
bnt if there bo any suspicion of shim
ming a doctor is sent.. If the sus
picion proves to be well founded the
parent is required to pay tho cost ol
the doctor's visit.
Forto Rico is one of tho richest isl
ands belonging to the group of the
West Indies, and its vast resources is
the hands of wide-awake American de
velopers can bo made conducive tc
handsome profits; but those who go to
Porto Rioo for the purpose of embrac
ing its commercial and industrial op
portunities must go prepared to en
counter lively competition on the part
of the natives of the island. Since the
natives of Forto Rico are at last free
from the yoko of Spain they are uol
apt to sleep orer tho prospects whioh
have opened np beforo them with the
dawn of liberty.
The latest novelty in suicide is the
self-slaughter by a woman conrict in
an Iowa prison, serving a life sentence
for murder, who ate spiders which she
gathered from the prison walls and ac
cumulated in her handkershief. I'
this form of destruction becomes pop
ular with despairing criminals, a new
department will have iobe established
in every woll-regnlatet place of deten
tion. The State Legu'iures shonlc
at once create the office of chief arnch
cologist, who shall have chargs of th
spider bunting and exterminating
work at all the prisons and peniten
tiaries, facetiously observes the Wash
ington Star.
Miss Helen Gould's recent declara
tion that she never dreamed men
money could givo her so much picas
nre as it has iu her recent work for th(
suffering soldiers and sailors, accentu
ates the fact that' wealth is the souroi
of have the nobleness as well as hal
the misery of life, philosophizes thi
Youth's Companion. Her great reward
has been not in the resolutions a
thanks tendered her by tho council o
the second city in the world, nor it
the notoriety given her name througl
the newspapers, but in the prayers an
thanks and grateful smiles of tho met
and la,ds she has succored. Flans fo
life cannot ignore the fact that wealth,
rightly used, is to poverty wha
strength is to lameness, or the eight o'
one eye to that of two.
BILL'S IN TROUBLE.
I've got a letter, parson, from my son away our West, "V.-.
An' my ol' heart Is heavy as nn nnvll in my breast.
To think tho boy whose future I bad at once so proudly r Tied
Bhould wander from the path of right an' come to sick au vudl
I told 111 in when ha left us not turee short years ago,
He'd find hlrosolf a-plowin' In a mighty crooked row
lle'd miss his father's oounsel, an' bis mother's prayers, too;
But be wild the farm was hateful, an' he guessed he'd have to go.
I know thar's big temptation for a youngster In tho West,
llut I believod our Billy had the oournge to resist, "r
An' when bo left I warned blm o' the ever waltlu' snares ',
That He like hidden sarplntB in life's pathway everywheroa.
But Bill he promlsod fulthful to ba keerful, an' allowed
He'd build a reputation tlmt'd make us mighty proud; "
But it sooms as bow my counsel sort o' faded from his mjnd,
Au' now the boy's iu trouble o' tha very wustest klndl
His lettor came so seldom that I somehow sort o' knowod
That Billy was a-tramplng on a mighty rooky road,
llut never once imngined he would bow my head In shame,
An' in tho dust 'd waller his ol' daddy's honored namo.
Ho writes from out in Denver, an' the storv's mighty short;
I just can't tell bis mother, it'll orush her poor ol' heartl
An' so I rockoued, parson, you might break the news to her
Bill's in the Legislature, but bo doesn't say what fur.
Denver Tost.
i i-i; iak
C'nSS
p
583
m
OF THE
BOG OF ANNEN,
By. James
WILIGHT was fall
ing, and Michael
O'Neil, behind his
load ot turf, was
driving np the steep
hill this Bide of the
bog of Annen.
Tired, after bis
hard day's work in
tho bog, Michael
put his hand on the
load, and, looking
down on the
ground, as the cart
moved up the hill,
held his whip over his right shoulder.
"Foor' John," he said to himself;
"so I'll nover see you again!" He
was thinking of his oldest son who,
five years before, had loft homo for
Australia, and last night came the
news of his death. And Thomas, too,
tho youngest, who had gone to
America, the I et of his father aud
mother, but ungrateful, had taken the
-price of two fat bullocks that he
sold at the fair, tho day he left, and.
never returned oven to say good-by.
The thought of a child's ingratitude
always hurts a father's heart, aud
Michael was thinking of this when he
came to the top of the hill, and, a sod
of turf falling, he stopped the horse
to throw it np on the load. As ha
reached down for the sod the light of
the publio house across the way
flashed out into the road, the publican,
Martin Haney, just lighting his lights.
There was a time iu his young days
when Michael O'Neil drank hard.
But ho had changed, and not tastod
spirit for ttrouty years, never, sinoe
tho day he walked fifteen miles to
Moate, to tako tho pledge from the
hands 'of Fathor Mathew, hal he
drnuk a drop of strong driuk. So
much of a.dislike had Miohael for a
publio house where driuk was sold
that he would not now, not for the
world, have stopped the-horse; even
for a sod of tnrf bofore the door of
Martin Haney. It is always good to
break from a bad habit, but better not
to full into one, for a road once walked
on is easy to tread again, especially
if it was traversed at first wheu
wo were young. And so with
Michnel O'Neil now. For a score
of - years he had not been tempt
ed, but this night ho had boen fcoling
bad, and oonld he not go in auddrowu
his sorrow iu at least one glass? As
he thought of this he put his baud
into his pocket for the money to buy
the dram. But there was none there.
He was walking np to tho door while
doing this, and was near the step
wheu he found himself pulled from
behind. Three down jerks of his coat
made him look around, and he found
that his horse and load of turf wore
gone. He had heard no noise, aud it
was all done in n moment.
Michael was startled. He did not
kuow what to do. . He stepped a few
paces further on and climbed up a big
rock on tho side of the road that was
on the top of the hill, the light of
Martin Hauey's windows all the time
upon him. It was now very dark,
and the bog-land below and the Hill of
Hart beyond were qnite lost to bis
sight.
He stood there looking into the
night for a moment, when there came
a bright light from out of the sky that
lit np all the sceue the bog of An
ion, the River Doun and the Hill of
Hart. It was a blazing star that came
down from the sky, and shootiug to
the centre of the bog beside the dead
water made from the digging cn the
peat, where was his horse aud cart,
tho whole bog was alive with fairies.
They were running for the cart, as the
star lighted them, and it fulling, rest
ed a dazzling thing of light on the
load of turf. As it did so the heavens
darkened again, but the star kept
bright the bog. Now the fairy king,
sitting upon his little horse, cried to
his men, "It must be done quickly,
before the moon rises!" And with
that he jumped from his horse's back
right into the centre of the star. As
he did so, there was less light, and
now Michael thought it was time to
run for his cart and horse.
Down the steep hill and across the
bog at full speed he went, the light of
the star all the time growing less and
less, and the fairy king growing
smaller and smaller, until, as he
reached the cart and the bright edge
of the moon came over the hill, it lit
only a small piece of silver on the top
sod of turf perhaps the very sod
that Michael had flung npwhen at the
top of the hill. He stood on the
wheel, aud reaching for it, found it
very hot in his band. Tossing it
from one palm to the other, however.
i
Oof,
If
8
Riley.
while it cooled, ho fonnd it was a
crown, and, putting it iu his pooket,
thought agaiu of the drink. For now
had he not the money to buy it?
It was well known to Miohael his
mother had told him of it when he
was learning to walk that tho fariei
never did anything that was wrong;
that the name given them long ago,
"the-good people," was given in
"airnist," and no ono ever yet wai
hurt, or led astray or to do a wrong
act by a fairy.
So now, when he folt himself helped
up on the cart and the reins put into
his hands', and the horse was moving
slowly along to the road without t
word from him when he saw all thit
he felt that tho fairies were doing il
for a good purpose
Why the horse should go so easj
orer the bog surprised him, until h
looked back and saw that there were,
perhaps, a hundred little men push
ing at the cart the first against th(
cart and the rest against him. At the
road a voioe camo out of the thicket
whioh said: "Turn him to rights,
Nobbsl" Then as the horso went u(
the hill, the little chaps would jumr
on to the spokes of the wheels whet
they camo np over the center, and
ride down on them, thus helping the
horse.
Michael was growing more thirst
every minute, aud he was glad when
he reached the top of the hill,
and agaiu the horse stopped before
the door of Martin Haney's.
The publicau was alone whet
Miohael entered; but ho did not wani
to show his surprise to see Mr,
O'Neil, the model man of tha parisl
who nover drank, coming into hii
place, so he stepped back to wait or
his customer. As he did so Michael
lay down on the counter the brigbj
now crown. Its light was so bright
that the drink merchant stepped up tc
fow -
it before getting the dram, only u
find he could not lift it from where i
was.
"What do ye mane," ho said, look
ing np with a frown, "puttin' money
on mo connther that I can't take up
from it?"
"It's good money," answered
Michael, at tho same time turning hii
eyes to the coin and noticing that in
stead of the quoen's head upon it wat
that of the fairy king.
"It's notl it's counterfeit!" replied
the man, with anger. "Sure, that'f
not the queen's head at all, at all!"
"Well, it's nil tho money I have,'
answered Michael.
"Well, then, you'll get no liquor
here without ye bring tho queen's
coin!"
All this time Miohael was stepping
back, and be now heard the door open
behind him, and knew it was the fairies
telling him to get away.
He would have done so without the
hint, for he saw that only his money
was wanted where he was. As he
turned around, the coin was lighting
np tho whole place, while "Nobbs,"
the fairy that drove the horse, wai
blowing out the lamps. At this he ran
for his cart as quickly as he could, for
something told him he could, not bo
too quick; and jumping on the load of
turf tho "horse was already turned
toward home he dashed down the hill
at au awful rate.
And he was none too soon; for he
had hardly reached the corner, where
lived Lord Darcy'e gamekeeper, when
there was an explosion behind that
shook all Ireland. A bright light,
and the same star shootiug back up
into tho heavens, showed out the hill
behind, the publio bouse ot Martin
Haney blown to atoms, and around it
the fairies and fairy king were march
ing, the latter waving his sword, and
shouting at Michael: "Harry home!
hurry home!"
And so he did; and what was bis
surprise and joy to find his oldest son,
whom he thought bad died in Aus
tralia, back again and a rich man. But
more than this, was a letter from
Thomas, in America, writing his sor
row for the wrong he had done his
father.
It was always a mystery to tho peo
ple around the bog of Anuen what be
came Martin Haney. Tho next
morning, his shop all broken and
wrecked as it by an earthquake, wan
seen on the hill; bnt that was all. But
Michael O'Neil, although he said noth
ing, and had no desire again in life
for drink, while be remembered the
good fairies, yet thinking something
dark might have happeued to Martin
Haney, never forgot to pray for the
poor man's soul. New York Inde
pendent. r
3
The solutions to these puzzles will ap
pear In a succeeding Issue.
1 A Geographical Charade.
My first is not off; my second is a
product of coal; my third is an ex
clamation of triumph, and my whole
is a great lake.
8 A Proverb Pnrzle.
By starting at the right letter in one
of the following words, and then tak
ing a letter at regular intervals, a use
ful business proverb may be fonnd:
Chaperon, outlet, lazily, nuggets, on
tology, never, aggravate, shame, er
rors, janitor, amatory, sense.
3. A Diamond.
1. A consonant in editor. 2. A
General. 3. A national hero. 4. A
kind of fish. 5. A vowel in boys.
4 A Decapitation,
fle sure It you can, to keepoutot my whole;
Behead me, I trouble the waters that roll;
Behead me once more, I will culm them,
you'll see;
Vnother time yet, and a prefix I'll ba.
Behead me again, still my fores is not
spent, '
I numeral adjective I'll represent.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
The white freetstone of France will
only stand a compresaiou strain of
1422 pounds to the square inch.
Every language conta ins such names
is ouckoo, peewit, whippoorwill and
others in whioh the sound omitted by
the animal :s imitated a& the name.
The eye of" the vulturo is so con
structed that it is a high power tole
soope, enabling the bird to see ob
jects at almost incredible distance.
The chemicals constituting the in
candescent mantle of the Welsbach
gag burner are principally tho oxides
of zirconium, lanthanum, thorium and
yttrium.
Nearly all Russian leather is tanned
with birch bark. This gives it the
peculiar pleasant odor which is so ad-,
mired, aud at the same time protects
it from insects.
The pincer claws of tho fetnalo of
the blue crab, in both the hard shell
and the soft shell stato, are tipped
with red, while those of the male crab
are bine to the ends.
Vestadiura is a recently discovered
white metallic alloy, of a beantiful np
pearanco and great strength. It seems
to meet with as quick and general an
acceptance as was the case with al
uminium. vAn artificial sandstone is now made
iu Belgium which has many advan
tages over tho natural stone, boing bet
ter able to resist climatio iufiuencon
and susceptible of manufacture at
small expense.
Palermo the Beautiful.
The origin of the beautiful city of
Talermo is lost in antiquity, bnt as
regards the Saracens taking it, a ro
mantic tale is told. Thero was a wom
an at the bottom of .it. A Byzantine
general was one day passing through
the streets ot Palermo when hp saw a
beautiful nun looking down' at him
from her balcony window, whereupon
he immediately fell in love with her. -Love
laughs at locksmiths, so tho nun
Bteppod out of her window that night
on an impromptu ladder and had just
reached her lover's arms when a friar,
returning late, discovered her. The
power of the church was not to be
trifled with, and the general was sen
tenced to be flogged through the
streets, the nun being compelled to
stand at her grating aud watch tho
degradation. By the aid of his fellow
officers, the general ventured a most
hazardous escape. The keeper ot the
prison was poisoned before midnight,
and the keys obtained. The prisoner
then swam out into the bay aud float
ed until a fishing boat took him up
and for a heavy bribe put. him on
board a vessel bound for Africa.
Onco there, he instigated tha Moham
medans to an easy conquest of Sicily;
and they ruled tho island with vigor
for 200 years, enriching its cities with
beautiful palaces. Tradition does not
say that he found his sweetheart, bnt
it is to be hoped that he did, after all
he had gone through for her sake.
An Electric Blau.
Vestal, N. J., has a freak, no is
Benjamin Berdell, a wandering clock
repairer. Three years ago, when at
Rahway, N, J., in a storm he was
picking cherries, when the treo wat
struck by lightning.
Berdell received a severe shock. It
transformed him into an electrio man.
Any one who shakes hands with him
now recoives a severe shock. By
pressing tho blades of a knife betweeu
his thnmb and finger during a storm
be charges tho metal so strongly that
heavy weights can be lifted. When
flies alight upon him they drop dead.
When he is in a dark room sparks
flash from his flesh and his eyes shine
like incandescent lights.
Whenever a storm approaches Ber
dell becomes highly charged with
electricity, and it is dangerous to
touch him. He says ho feels no in
convenience except that he will not
go near a moving locomotive for fear
of being drawn against it aud killed.
New York Tress.
Words Alike Either War.
Adda, Anna, bab, bib, bub, civic,
dad, deed, deified, derived, did, dood,
ecce, eye, ewe, eve, gog, gig, gag,
level, madam, maram, noon, nou, oho,
pap, peep, pip, pop, pup, redder, re
fer, repaper, reviver, rotator, sees,
selles, sexes, shahs, sis, siris, semes,
stellets, tat, tenet, tit, toot, tot, tut,
waw, welew.
A Cheap Old Queen.
An Egyptian mummy, supposed to
oe that of Queen Anne, wife of
Barneses II was offered for sale in a
London auction-room and realized (GO.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFK
STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
The Furslde Inside Outside Confusion
of Alternatives Not All One Explana
tion A Pleasant Punishment nit
Graceful War Social Diplomacy, Ete.
Then hn klllod the Mudjeklvis,
OM 13,
klvls.
im mittens, J J
lide inside; .1
iside outside. V
Killed tue mlguty Mudjoklvis.
1 ith the skin he made hi!
Made them with the fursii
Made them with the skinside
He. to have the warm side inside.
Turned them coldsidn skluslde outslJc;
And, to have the cold side outside,
Turned them warm side, furolde, iuslde.
That's why he turned the sktnnids outsldo,
Why he turned the furslde inside.
Why he turned them inside outside,
Why he turned them outside inside.
Christian Guurdlan.
Contusion of Alternatives.
"Now, Bobby, would you rather
hare papa punish you, or mamma?"
"I I think I'd rather hare a nickel.'
Not All.
"Now that his father is dead I sup
pose Goodby will spend all his money. "
"Oh, no; he geta married to-morrow."
Truth.
One Explanation.
He "I can't understand why an
Englishman always wants to marry
his deceased wife's sister."
She "Why, it sares him the bother
of breaking in a new mother-in-law.'
Truth.
A rieasant Punishment.
"Dickie doesn't like his school this
year."
"What's the trouble?"
"He sars his teacher lets all tho
other boys except him sit by girls."
Detroit Free Press.
nis Graceful Way. T
Maude "How kind of you to re
member my birthday 1 Gustave at wars
forgets it.",'
Gustare (confused) "Forgets it?
Why, yes. It is a graceful way I have
of ignoring her increasing years."
Judge.
Social Diplomacy.
Foxey "Did yon send the Borems
a card for your musicale?"
Mrs. Foxey "Yes; how could I get
out of it?"
Foxey "Well, I'll tell Borem that
Smith is going to come. Borom owes
him some money." Philadelphia
Record.
Gave ntmeelt Away.
; Mrs; Sbarpeyo (at a hotel) "That
couple try to act as if they had been
married for years, but I know they
are on their weddiug to or."
Mr. Sharpeye "Guess not."
Mrs. S "Yen they are. Ho gavo
her the tenderloin of tho steak."
New York Weekly.
Ignorance That Was Not Ullns.
Ethel 'UVhat a perfect specimen of
manhood! I really don't beliovo he
knows his own strength."
i Edith "I'm sure he doesn't. (Con
fidcntielly) Do you know, he uses
both hands to drive a horse that ho
conld easily manage with one if he
only knew it." Life,
i 1
i . A Little Change.
1 . Old Friend "Don't you remember
sweet Alice, whndonce 1 with- dtl.'ght
when you gave 'bereft-smile, pud
trembled with foar at your frown?"
Mr. B. Bolt, Jr. "Oh, yes. Sh
doesn't cave a cent for my smiles or
frovns either, now. We're married."
Newlork Weekly. '
His (Jnallflcatloiii,
"H;w did you come to think that
man had any of the qualities of a bnc
cessful author?" inquired the friend,
"Oh," replied the English manager,
"you are judging him merely by hie
books. You Ought to see how nriquel
interesting he looks in a dress suit on
the lecture platform." Washington
Star.
The Difference.
Wilkins (to Filkins, who owns to
forty)--"Ah,got your mustache Bhaved
off! Look ten years younger."
i Filkins (delighted) "Xonsonse'
And how old do I look without thi
mustache?"
' Wilkins "Oh, somewhere about
sixty -two or three." Boston Tran
script.
A Jolly for Papa.'
She "And what shall I say in ca-.i
papa asks me what your prospects
are?"
He "Well, er you might say thai
I am figuring on securing one of the
the most prominent, iu linen tial and
wealthy men in the city for my father-in-law.
That ought to fetch him."
Chicago "News.
In No Hurry.
Mr. Testy (meaningly) "I don t
want to interrupt your er conver
sation with my daughter, bnt tho
er last car goei by at 12."
nr. - l.-i i i i.:il
jui, oiajiute iwuu uuuipusurej &
4'Thflll!ra mnnv tlianba !,nf. tliorA'a
big German ball uptown, and a con
ductor told me the cars would begin
running again at 2."
Quite Modern,
"He's an up-to-date whoolinan, isn'
he?"
"Yes, indeed."
"College man, too?"
"No? Is he?"
"Yes. Signs himself A. Skorchor,
'99 ' "
"Oh, the '99' is for his wheol."
rhiludclphia Record.
Preparing For an Emergency.
Senior Member (of law firm)
"What are you so excited andnervoue
about? The jury will certainly acquit
our client."
Junior Member (hastily gathering
np bis law books and grabbing hie
hat) "I'm afraid his women relatives
will want to do a lot of kissing when
the verdict comes in." Chicago
Tribune. -- ... t v..
rHE VALUE Or TORPEDO-BOATS.
Fo Make a Sncresnful Attack the Vessel
Mutt Itemaln Undiscovered.
Reasoning from superficial facts,
nuch has been written ol the failnre
f torpedo-boats. It is as well to cor
rect this impression now while events
ire still fresh in the popular mind.
The idea ot torpedo attack is attack
ander cover of darkness, rail, or fog.
The construction and paiuting have
this object in view. There is no pro
tection against even tho lightest pro
jectile, and to make a successful at
tack tho boat must remain undiscov
ered until almost the'moment for the
discharge of its torpedo. Our vessels
fully comprehended the dangers of
torpedo attack, and all precautions
were taken to guard against one. In
spite of this, one of them had a narrow
escape from being torpedoed by the
Porter, not baring been discovered
until well within striking distance.
In this case the cruiser was a lost
ship, and ever after had tho utmost
respect for the possibilities of success
ful topedo attack. Had the Porter
been certain that the vessel sighted
was au enemy, and had it not been
necessary to disclose her presence by
signals, etc., the attack could have
been successfully made, and the Por
ter would have escaped without harm.
No lack of discipline, lookouts, or at
tention wa3 iu any way responsiblo
for the incident, all these being fully
up to the high state of efficiency in our
navy. Only the favorably darkness of
stormy night and the adrautage
which we took of the cruiser's smoke
made such a result possible. Contrast
these conditions with those under
which the Spaniards made their gal
lant but foolish efforts at Manila and
Santiago. They showed splendid
heroism, but how was it to be expected
that thin torpedo craft could lire and
approach through a fire that destroyed
armored cruisers? Their chief de
fense inrisibly was lacking. Torpedo-boats
hare sufficient speed to
choose their time of attack, nnd, to be
successful, tho time chosen must be
one favorable to the torpedo-boat not
favorable to her enemy, as was the
ease in both attacks in this war. From
"Torpedo-boat Service," by Lieuten
ant J. C. Fremont, in Harper's Mag
zine.
An Awkward Situation.
Thero is no objection to giviug this
ono publicity becauso tho man in the
case never finds nn opening to relate
the incident that he does not do so.
"I was something of a boy orator
myself," he modestly admits, "and in
school it was quite the usual thing
for visitors to prediot that my persua
sive and impressive eloqueuce would
some time ba heard iu the halls ot
Congress. Before I was old enough
to vote I used to go out as a campaign
speaker, and a drive of twenty miles
in order to speak at some school
houso had no terrors for me.
"One night I took a long and
stormy drive in order to fill an ap
pointment for a mau who was un
avoidably detained at home. When I
reached tho little red building I was
met by a lusty young farmer who
seemed surprised on learning what I
was thero for, but he kindly offered
to put the team away. Beforo doing
so he said to me: 'You go right up
there on the platform and take that
there big chair with the feather cush
ion nnd the sheepskin huug over the
back. That's put there special for
tho speaker, nud they won't 'low nc
one else to occupy it.'
"I boldly followed instruction! ,
having a great sense of self-importance
as I took the seat of honor.
There was a gigling iu the audience
that made me wonder whether ray
necktie was on straight and my hair
smooth. But all was explained wheu
a grim-looking old granger walked up
to me, took me firmly by the arm and
firmly said: 'Sonny, this bore cheer
is for a mau. Ho speaks here ter
night. You kin find a Beat down in
the audience.' "
Wantod to Itun Hhn a ltace.
A private in a volunteer regimonl
told a friend that the first time nudei
fire was"a nasty experience" that
he felt as though be was "up against
a new job that he didn't like, but knew
he'd havo to stick it out or lose hif
bread and butter.
"Wheu our regiment was in reserve
once," he continued, I saw a reportet
legging it back from the front. He
was going for all there was in him,
and looked as thonghhe had a through
ticket for tho rear. We found the re
serve lino as bad a placo as the firing
line, most always, so I wasn't feeling
very comfortable.
" 'This war correspondents' life ain't
what it's cracked up to be,' said he tc
me as he passed.
"I looked after him, and then I list
ened to the firing and heard tho bul
lets whizzing.
" 'Old man,' said I to myself, look
iug after the reporter again, 'if I wasn't
an enlisted mau, I'd rnn you a
race.'" New York Post.
Jntt a Little Dog Slory.
Walking along a residenco street ol
Susquehanna, l'cnu., a citizen noticed
a little child at play with an immense
Newfoundland dog on a lawn. In the
rough and tumble sport of the two,
the child hurt his. dumb playmate,
who snapped rather angrily at the
child. A woman, who stood watching
on tho porch, cried out: "Nero, areu't
you ashamed of yourself to frighten
the baby? Go away, you bad dog!"
Tho dog slunk away, whining. Sud
denly he sprang toward a flowering
plant, bit off one of the fragrant bios
soms, and with many extraordinary
capers laid it at the feet of the little
child, aud then bouuded toward the
woman to reeeivo a caress of forgivo
ucss. Now York Tress.
Philadelphia's Klectrlc Itailtirayi.
Philadelphia has a greater tnileago
at electrio railways than the whole of
Germany. "
IN NEW BRUNSWICK.
Sweet maiden of rasamaquoddy, 1
Mhnll we seek for communion of goals i
Tt-I - . K - f J I 1 I 1 I
ii nnro bun unuji .tiiTOitsi!i mtwuuuni,
Or the distant Saskatchewan rolls?
Ah. nol In New Brunswick we'll And It
A sweetly sequestered nook-
Whore tho sweet gliding 8koodawabsk00
kis . .
Unites with the Skoodawabskook.
Let others sing loudly of Saco,
Of Tassadumkuag or Mlscouche,
Of Kennebeccasis or Quaco,
Ot Miramlchl or Bnctoncbe;
Or boast of the Tobique of Mlspec,
The Musquash or dark Memrumcook;
There's none like the Hkoodawabskooksls,
Excepting tho Skoodawabskook.
James Da Mllle.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Tho Rhymester "Poets, sir, are
born " The Editor "Not in the
last fifty years." Indianapolis Jour
nal. Whenever a girl tells a young man
that her dress is made of mat erial that
doesn't rumple that onght to be suffi
cient. Chicago News.
"Kirby tells me he walks in his
sleep." "now remarkable! He doesn't
do anything but sit around while ho
is awake." Chicago Record.
Cholly "Aw I always pity a man
who lives by bis wits, doncherknow?"
Miss Sharpe "I should think you
would envy Liui." Brooklyu Life.
She "I believe S200 cau make a
jood deal of trouble in this world."
He "That's the amount you paid for
the piano for your daughter, isn't it?"
"I can't understand what the
anoients saw 'in their pottery to ad
mire." "Nor I. Of oourse it wasn't
antique in their time." Detroit Jour
nal. He "How do you know that Jones
has come into money?" She "Why,
formerly people always said he was
crazy; now they say ho is original."
Standard.
"Why did William throw over that
charming little modiste he was in love
with?" "Because, he said the men
would all shun him if he was a dress
maker's Bill."
.'Teacher "In this stanza, what is
meant by the line 'The shades of
night were falling fast?'" Bright
Scholar "The people were pulling
down the blinds." Tit-Bits.
"Willison's wifo is such a womanly
woman," said the gossipy boarder,
"Poor Willlson!" said tho Savage
Bachelor, and relapsed into his usual
grim sileuce. Cincinnati Euquirer.
A brook, a hook,
A shady nook,
A wish, a fish,
A suddcu swlsl),
A sigti, a lie
Next day why?
Chicago News.
'How did the fire start?" "In the
laberdasher's store. The theory of
the insuranco companies is that one
of the new fall necktios aud a pair of
jolf stookings got crossed." Chicago
Tribuue.
The Elder "You do not pay enough
ittention to your business. You know
die provorb says a man must put his
baud to the plow." The Yonngor
"But that might meau a hired hand."
Indianapolis Journal.
"What do yon call that eminence?" .
isked the tourist. "We don't call it
nothing," answered Tic-face Johnson.
"That there, I guoss, is the only bluff
in this country that ain't boon called."
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Tho man that I marry," she said,
"must be one who always thinks be
fore he speaks." "Then," replied
the young geutlemau at whom the
shaft had been aimed, "I guess he'll
never ask you." Cleveland Leader.
Lady "And what does your father
do?" Little Girl "Oh, papa is a
doctor." Lady "Indeed! I suppose
be practices a great deal, does he
not?" Little Girl "Oh, no. He
doesn't practice any more. Hofcnowe
how now."
Bride "I'm so afraid people will
find nut thnt we're just married that
I've made Will promise to treat me in
publio just as it he had no thought
for any ono but himself." Matron
"I adoptod that plan when I was
married, and my husband never got
over it." Tit-Bits.
A newspaper down in Maiuo, in toll
ing of the death of a man through
boing struck by a railroad train, adds
that "it will be remembered that he
met with a similar accident a year
ago." It is to be hoped that tho bubit
which he appears to have contracted
will not become chronic Thila
delphia Inquirer.
The Buffalo widow who "had pleas,
ure" iu thaukingher friends for their
attention during the fatal illness of her
late husband" is paralleled by the
Wichita girl who is acting as army
nurse at Fort Mcl'herson. She writes
that she "has twenty typhoid fever
cases under her care and is delighted
with her work." Hoehester Herald.
"I struck a new ono theother day,"
Eaid the man who is about to move,
"when I weut to see a house of which
a faithful Irishman was custodian.
'Too small, too small,' I said, as soon
as I saw the place. 'Go aisy, sorr,' he
replied, 'till I show yez t'rough. Yez'll
foiud the houso much largoronthe in
side that it is on the outside, sorr.' "
Detroit Freo Tress. ,
The Molher-ln-Law In New Britain.
Iu the island of New Britain a man
ninst not speak to his mother-in-law.
Not only is rpeech forbidden to bis
relative, but nho must be avoided, aud
if by chanco tho lady is met the son-in-law
must bide himself or cover his
face.
Manners of ICngilt'i Murine.
Although scatneu have to doff their
caps wheu undergoing inspection on
board ship, marines do not havo to do
so. The royal marines do uotuueovei
their heads as a mark of respect ex
cept iu the presence of royalty or at
divine sorrice.
i
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