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EPUBXJCAN.
VOL. XXXI. NO. 20. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCT. 12, 1808. 1.00 PER ANNUM.
R
ST
1
The last official tot of the acting
(Spanish Governor at Manila eras to
"fine a newspaper man for telling the
'ruth." How like Spain!
The German Emperor would doubt
less like to inaugurate an international
copyright law which would do some
, thing to protect his leso majoste inter
eats. The Church of England Burial,
Funeral aud Mourning Reform Asso
ciation has issued the following mani
festo: "No darkened house, no dur
able coffin, no spcoial mourning attire,
no bricked grave, no unnecessary
show, no avoidable expense, and no
unusual eating or drinking."
There is a perfect reason for the
attachment of the immigrant to the
United States, says the Kausas City
Star. It is becauso it is the country
of his choice. No portion of this
country has ever been a penal colony,
a Botany Bay or a Siberia. Nobody
has beou sent here on compulsion.
The immigrant to the United States
from the beginning has beeu a volun
teer oue who consideredthe matter
and concluded that his condition
would be bettered in some way in the
grout, new strong country beyond the
Atlantic, where thero was more laud,
more room,' more work, moro money,
. more opportunity, more liberty for
him and his children and their chil
dren. ' The Moscow correspondent of the
London Standard has discovered a
novel plot agaiust the Czar of Russia.
Several years ago a regimental chapel
was planned at Tsarskoe by a retired
wool morchant. The Czar laid the
' foundation stone, aud he was to be
presont at tho consecration of the
building, which was finished this year.
Au artist employed to decorate the in
terior discovered a wire protruding
from the wall. A further investiga
tion revealed a loaded mine under the
foundation. Tho arrest of the donor
and the architect followed, aud the
latter ia believed to be rosponHible for
tho infernal scheme to assassinate the
Czar. ThiB incident illustrates how
patieutaudingoniousare tho Nihilists.
"The Society of tho Army of the
Santiago" is the latest addition to our
numerous military organizations de
signed to commemorate the gallant
deeda of American soldiers on many
well fonght fields. The new society
was inaugurated on the Slst of July
last, in the Governor's palace of Santi
ago, for the purpose, as recited on
the occasion of "preserving the
archives and records, and to perpetuate
the memory of the invasion campaign,
and battles culminating in the fall of
Santiago and tho surrender of the
Spanish forces." There is probably
no campaign in which American
troops were engaged that is fraught
with more interesting incidents or
preoious memories, or one that has
tended more to make American soldiers
f.mous throughout the world.
The experimental production of flax
in Orogou has proceeded far enough
to warrant the existence of a linBeed
oil factory iu Portland, and what the
' industry needs for its further exten
sion is scutch mills in localities where
the fibre may be profitably grown.
The fact that two tous of Oregon flax
have been sold in Scotland at more
than double the prices offered in
Amerioa is offered as evidence that
the fibre is of good quality, but the
farmers aro not enthnsiastio in the
matter, when they have to rett and
souteh the flax ' with primitive home
applianoes. They wish to be relieved
from any responsibility in the matter
further than to produce the crop.
There is a necessity, therefore, for a
class of skilled workers who will come
between the farmer and the manufac
turer in carryiug on the operations of
retting and scutching.
The official statement of our losses
with Spain is not yet made up, but
the approximate figures, compiled
from reports to the War and Navy De
partments give this remarkable show
ing: Killed In the urmy 2G1
Kil.'ed In the pnvy l'i
E'.iled In the marines 7
Wounded In tliu army 1,400
Wounded In tbo navy 10
Wouaded In the marines 11
Ilere is a total of 279 killed and
1123 wounded in a war which resulted
in the destruction of the Spanish
Navy, in the freeing of Cuba, the
cessioJ of Porto Rico and the capture
of Manila. . The losses on the Union
side at Gettyburg alone were 3070
killed and 14,497 wounded. In the
twelve great battles of the Civil War
the Union losses were 23,408 killed
and 120,849 wounded. No war has
ever produced such important and far
reaching results with so small a loss
of life as has our war with Spain, ob
serves the New York World.
THE WIND
The Man
Wind on the hilltop!
Wind In the tree!
Is there auRht In earth or heaven
That bludeth thee and me?
I, through the lone hours,
Feebly oreep and crawl
O'er the green smooth shoulders
Of the huge mountuiu wall.
Whilst thou, la a moment.
With roarlug skirts outspread,
Lnapost from the valley
To the black mountain head.
THE ROSE OF
A Yiddish
NE day it occurred
to Leibel that he
ought to get mar
ried. He went to
Sugar in au the
Shadchan forth
with.
"I have the very thiug for you," said
the great marriage broker.
"Is she pretty?" asked Leibel.
"Her father has a boot aud shoe
warehouse," replied Sugarmau enthu
siastically.
"Then there ought to be a dowry
with her," said Leibel eagerly.
Certainly a dowry I A tine man
like you!"
"When could I see her?"
"I will arrauge for you to call next
Sabbath afternoon.
"You wont charge me more thau a
sovereign?
"Not a grosohou more! Suchapious
maiden! Aud, of course, live per cent,
on the dowry?"
"H'm! Well, I don't mind."
On the Saturday Liebcl weut to see
the damsel, and on the Sunday he went
to see Hugarman the Shadchan.
"But your maiden squints!" he cried
resentfully.
"An excellent thiug!" said Sugar
man. "A wife who squints can never
look her husbaud straight in the face
and overwhelm him. Who would quail
before a woinun wjth a squint?"
"Why, the girl is a hunchback!" he
protested furiously.
"My dear Leibel," said the mar
riage brokor, depreuatiugly shrugging
his shoulders aud spreading out his
palms. "You cau't expect perfec
tion!" Nevertheless, Leibel persisted iu
his unreasonable attitude, lie no
cused Hugarman of wasting his time,
of making a fool of him.
This gave Loibel pause, and he de
parted without having definitely brokou
the negotiations. His whole week was
befoggod by doubt, his work became
unoortain, his chalkmarks lacked their
decision, and he did not always cut his
coat aooording to his cloth. His aber
rations became so marked that pretty
Itose Qreen, the sweater's eldest
danghter, who managed a machine in
the same room, divined, with all a wo
man's intuition, that he was iu love.
"What is the matter?" she said in
rallying Yiddish, when they were
taking their lunch of brea.l aud cheese.
"They are proposing me a match,"
he auswered sullenly.
"A match!" ejaculated Rose.
"Thou !" She had worked by his side
for years, and familiarity bred the
second person singular.
"With whom?" asked Rose.
"With Leah Voloovitch!"
"Leah Voloovitch!" gasped Rose.
"Leah, the boot and shoe manufac
turer's daughter?"
Leibel hung his head he soarce
kuew why.
"And why dost thou not have her?"
said Rose.
Leibel did not reply.
"Is it that thou likest me bettor?"
she asked. -
Leibel seemed to see a ball of
lightning in tho air; it burst,' and he
felt the electrio current strike right
through his heart. The shock threw
his head np with a jerk so that his
eyes gazed into a face whose beauty
and tenderness were revealed to him
for the first time. The faie of
his old acquaintance had vanished
this was a cajoling, coquettish, stuil- j
ing face, suggesting undreamed-of
things,
"Nu, yes," he replied, without per
ceptible panne.
"Nu, good!" she rejoined as
quickly.
And in the ecstasy of that moment
of mutual understanding Leibel forgot
to wonder why he had never thought
of Rose before. Afterward he remem
bered that she had always been his so
cial superior.
Before he left that night Rose said
to him: "Art thou sure thou wouldut
not rather have Leah Volcovitch?"
"Not for all the boots and shoes in
the world," replied Liebcl vehe
mently. The landing outside the workshop
was so badly lighted that their lips
came together in the darkness.
"Nay, nay, thou must not yet,"
said Rose. "Thou art still courting
Leah Volcovitch. For aught thou
knowest, Sugarmau the Shadchan
may have entangled thee beyond re
demption." Leibel fonnd Sugaruian at supper.
"You don't mean to say that yon
give up a boot and shoe manufacturer
merely because his danghter has
round shoulders!" he exclaimed in
credulously. "It is more than round shoulders
it is a hump!" cried Leibel.
"Then I shall have to look out for
another, that's all."
"No, I don't want any," replied
Leibel, quickly.
Leibel felt guilty. "But whom
AND THE MAN.
The Wind-
Little puny brother,
Why question thus of dip?
There Is need of me: I doubt not
There is need of thee.
I would smite thee, were 1 bidden,
Without pity, without ri.th,
As I smite the gaur.y may-lly
On the rain-swept pntl.l
I euvy not, nor question,
As I piny my eager part;
But I think thou art nearer
To the Fulher's Heartl
THE GHETTO.
Love Tale.
By I. ZANOWTLL. Vk
tS
have you got in your eye?" he in
quired, desperately.
Leibel gavo a hypocritio long
drawn "U-iu-m-m. I wonder if Rose
Green whore I work " he said,
aud stopped.
"I fear not," said Sugarmau. "She
is ou my list. Her father gafe her to
me some months ago, but he is hard
to please. Even the maiden herself is
not easy, being pretty.
"Perhaps she has waited for some
one, suggested Leibel.
Sugarmau's keon car caught the
note of complacent triumph.
"You have been asking her your
self!" he exclaimed iu horror stricken
accents,
"Aud if I have?" said Leibel, de
Qantly.
"And does her father know?"
"Not yet."
"Ah! then I must get his consent,'
said Sugarmau decisively.
i i inougut oi speuKing to him
myself."
"Now, if you went to her father,"
pursued the Shadchan, "the odds are
that he would not even give his
daughter to say nothing of the
dowry."
"Yes, I think you had better go,"
earn neiooi eagcriy.
"But if I do this thing for you I
shall ant a pound more," rejoined
Hugarman.
"A pound more!" echoed Leibel in
dismay. "Why?"
"Because Rose Green's hump is of
gold," replied Sugarmau praonlarly.
"Also, she is luir to see, and many
mou desire her.
"But you always have your five per
cent ou the dowry."
The very next day Sugirman invad
ed the green workroom.
Sugaruian's entry was brusque and
breathless.
"At last!" he cried, addressing the
little white-haired master tailor. "I
have the very mau for you."
"Has he any money?" grumpily in
terrnpted Eliphaz.
"He will have mouey," replied Su
garman, unhesitatingly, "when he
marries."
"Ah!" The father's voioe relaxed,
and his foot lay limp on the treadle,
"How much will ho have?"
"I think he will have fifty pounds;
and the least you can do is to let him
have fifty pounds," replied Hugarman,
with the same happy ambiguity.
Eliphaz shook his head on princi
ple.
"les, you will, said Sugarmau,
vhen you learn how fine a man he is."
"Tell me, then," rejoined Eliphaz.
"Tell me, first, if you will give fifty
to a young, healthy, hard-working
God-fearing man whose idea is to start
as a master tailor on his owu account?
And yon know how profitable that is!"
"To a man like that," said Eliphaz,
in a burst of enthusiasm, "I would give
as much as twenty-seven pounds ten!"
"Unless you can promise thirty it is
a waste of time mentioning his name,"
said Sugarmau.
"Well, well who is he?"
Sugarmau bent down, lowering his
voice into his father's ear.
"What! Leibel!" cried Eliphaz,
outraged. '
"Sh!" said Sngarman, "or he will
overhear your delight, and ask more.
He has his nose high enough as it is."
'I)b b nt," sputtered the be
wildered parent. "I know Leibel
myself. I see him everyday. I don't
want a Shadchan to find me a man I
know a mere hand in my own work
shop!"
"Your talk has neither face nor fig
ure, answered bugarmau, sternly.
"It is just the people one sees every
day that ono knows least."
Eliphaz grunted vaguely and the
Shadchan went ou triumphantly. "I
thought as much. And yet where
could you find a better mau to keep
your daughter?"
1 But I ilidu t know lie would be hav
ing money, murmured Ldiphaz.
"Of course you dulu t know. That s
what the Shadchan is for to point
out the things that are under your
nose."
"But where will he be getting this
money from?"
"From you, said Hugarman
frankly.
"From me?"
"From whom else? Are you not
his employer? It has been put by
for his marriage day."
"He has saved it?"
"He has not spent it," said Sugar-
man, impatiently.
"But do you meau to say he has
saved fifty pounds?"
"Lf he could manage to save fifty
pounds out of your wages he would
be indeed a treasure," said Sugarmau.
"Perhaps it might be thirty."
"But you said fifty."
"Well, you can come down to
thirty, " rotorted the Shadchan.
"You caunot expect him to have
more than your daughter brings."
"I never said thirty," Eliphaz re
minded him. "Twenty-seven ten
was my last bid."
Sngarman turned up the next day,
and reported that Leibel was unob
tainable under thirty pounds, and
Eliphaz, weary of the contest, called
over Leibel, till that moment care
fully absorbed in his scientific chalk
marks, and mentioned the thing to
him for the first time. "I am not a
man to bargain."
Tho formal engagement was marked
by even greater junketing and at last
the marriage day camo. Leibel was
resplendent in a diagonel frock coat,
cut by his own hand, and Rose stepped
from the cab a medley of flowers,
fairness aud white silk, and behind
her came two bridesmaids her sisters
a trio that glorified the spectator
strewn pavement outside the syna
gogue. Leibel and Rose were not the only
couple to be disposed of, for it was
the thirty-third duy of the Omer a
day fruitful iu marriages.
But at last their turn came. They
did not, however, come in their turn,
and their special friends among the
audience woudered why they had lost
their precedence.
Gradually the facts leaked out, aud
a buzz of talk aud comment ran
through the waiting synagogue. Eli
phaz had not paid up!
At first he declared he would put
down the' money immediately after
the ceremony. But tho wary Sugar
man, schooled by experience, demand
ed the instaut delivery on behalf of
his other client. Hard pressed Eli
phaz produced ten sovereigns from
his trousers pocket and tendered them
on oocount.
And then arose a hubub of voices, a
chaos of suggestions; friends rushed
to and fro between the camps, some
emerging from their seats iu a Syna
gogue to add to the confusion. But
Eliphaz had taken his stand upon a
rock ho had no more ready money.
To-morrow, the next day, he would
have some.
Tho minister left his post near the
oauopy, under which so many lives
had been united, aud came to add his
white tie to the forces for compromise.
But ho fared no better thau the others.
Incensod at the obstinacy of the
antagonists, he declared he would
close the synagogue.
At the eighth the buzz of tongues
faltered suddenly, to be transposed
into a new koy, so to speak. Through
the gesticulating assembly swept that
murmur of expectation which crowds
know when the prooession is coming
at last. By some mysterious magnet
ism all were aware that tho brido her
self the poor hysterio bride had
left the patornal camp, was coming in
person to plead with her mercenary
lover.
And as the glory of her and the
flowers and the white draperies
loomed npou Leibel's vision his heart
melted in worship, aud he knew his
citadel would crumble iu ruins at her
first glance, at her first touch. Was
it fair fighting? As his troubled
vision cleared and as she camo nigh
nnto him, he saw to his amazement
that she was speckless and composed
no trace of tears dimmed the fair
ness of her face, there was no disarray
in her bridal wreath.
The. clock showed the ninth min
ute. Sho put her hand appealingly on his
arm, while a heavenly light came into
her face the expression of a Joan of
Aro animating her country.
"Do not give in, Leibel," she said.
"Do not have me! Do not let them
persuade theet By my life thou must
not! Go home!"
So at the eleventh minute the van
quished Eliphaz produced the balance,
and they lived happily ever after
ward. Handy For Kmergencles.
It may not be generally known that
the Dutch Boers at the cape, especially
those living in remote distriots, whero
material is expensive and labor diffi
cult to obtain, frequently purohase at
least one coffin beforehand, which is
placed in a conspicuous position in
the "voor-kamer," or principal sitting
room, and utilized as an article of fur
niture, for ornament or as a receptacle
for clothing and other oddments.
Oue farmer, well known to the writer,
possesses a beautifully finished article
of this sort which he purchased about
thirty years ago. During that period
he has buried three wives, each of
whom had to be content with coffins of
the commonest material aud roughest
workmanship, while his own, awaiting
its possessor, stands in all its luster of
polished teak and silver mountings.
For the present the old gentleman
uses it as a conch for his midday nap,
in order, as he sometimes remarks
with grave humor, that he may get ac
customed to it. Pearson's Weekly.
Killed by Falling Out or a Hammouk.
Little Rose O'Toole, ten years old,
of Worcester, met her death iu a most
peculiar manner. She went to the
rear piazza on the fourth floor of the
YinsIow block to eujoy a party with
her playmates. While waiting, she
climbed into a hammock which was
stretched along the piazza in such a
way that it rode over tho guard as it
swung out. The littlo oue swung the
hammock vigorously and had beeu
swinging for a few minutes when the
rope broke and she was thrown over
the rail to the ground, a distance of
forty feet. She was picked up uncon
scious and remained in that condition
uutil she died about two hours later.
Bostou Globe.
Roosters as Clocks.
Scientists say that roosters do not
crow all night, as sufferers from in
somnia sometimes think. On the con
trary, they crow without much regard
to the season or the weather at mid
night, at 3 a. m. and 6 a. ni. How
they tell the proper time is another
puzzle.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Given Away How It Was Stan's. Great
est Virtu. How They Differ Ofton
the Case Good Old Family His La.t
Application Severe Punishment, Etc
' BBS.
I don't think anybody dreams
That I'm a bride.
You mustn't try to bold my band!
Be dignified
And try to look at ease and calm, ,
The way I do,
As lf our going off alone
Were nothing new;
And when I ask you things just growl
"O, I don't know!"
Why does tbat horrid man back thero
Grin nt me so?
Could he have guessed or does he Just
Think I look nice?
Of course he does but, dear, your bat
Is white with rice.
-Truth.
now It Was.
Molly "Was it a case of love at
first sight with him?"
Dolly "Yes; at first sight of the
figures that represented her fortune."
How They Dlrler.
First Statesman "Ballots ore moro
potent than bullets."
Second Statesman "And vastly
more agreeable to have them coming
your way." Boston Transcript.
Man's Ores tent Virtue.
"Mary, you don't sympathize with
me wheu I have to push the lawn
mower." "No; if it was the snow-shovel you
would be making the same fuss."
Often the Case.
She "As a rule a man judges all
other women by his wife."
He "Yes; and a woman judges her
husband by the worst things she hears
about other men." Chicago News.
Uls Last Application.
Housekeeper "Here is a telegram.
Your nephew is dead."
Property Owner (with a growl)
"Humph! Now, I expect he wants
the money to bury himself with,"
Zeitgeist.
Mere Upstarts.
Little Edna "I guess the Rocka
chaps haven't beeu rioh very long."
Little Winnie 'Why?"
Little Edua "They cnll the meal
thoy eat at six o'clock supper." Chi
cago News.
Good Old Family.
Riohfello "That Miss Forundred
belongs to tho blue bloods, doesn't
she?"
Rival Bollo "Yes, indeed. You
just ought to see her nose ou a cold
day." New York Weekly.
Severe Punishment.
First Boy "Did your mother pun
ish you for going iu swimming without
her consent?"
Second Boy "Yes."
"What did she do?"
"Made me take a bath!" Puck,
Consolation.
Young Lawyer "I spent nearly au
hour yesterday trying to convince
that client of mine he was innocent."
Old Lawyer "Oh, well, never
mind; you'll probably be able to con
vince the Judge he's guilty iu half tho
time." Life.
A Family Discontent.
The father of ten daughters listened
silently to the solemn words that
united his eldest daughter to the mil
lionaire. "There!" he murmured, as tho ty
ing of the knot was successfully con
cluded, "that's ten per cent, oil for
cash!" Brooklyn Life.
He Felt It Keenly.
Elderly Spinster (horrified)
"Little boy, aren't you ashamed to go
in bathing in such a publio place with
suoh a bathing-suit as that on?"
Small Boy "Yes'm; but me mother
makes me wear it. "I'll take it off,
though, if you'll promise not to say
nothing to her about it." Judge.
Contrast In Courage.
"Isn't that the young follow in
Ward 4 who had his leg cut off and
never murmured?"
"Yes." ,
"Well, what's he screaming like
that for?"
"He's got a loose tooth and the sur
geon is trying to pull it." Cloveluud
Plaindealer.
Uls Importance.
"I suppose," said Mr. Meekton's
wife, "that you attach a great deal of
importance to yourself."
"No," he answered with conciliat
ing gentleness, "I don't go on attach
ing a great deal of importance to myself
now. There's no need to. I did that
wheu I married you, Henriettu."
Washington Star.
A Delphle Difficulty.
All day it was dark; tho siukeuing
vapor hung like, a pall over tho earth.
The people were wild with terror
and fled to the temple.
"Whot does it mean?" they cried,
frantically.
The venerable priest of Apollo shook
his head.
"It's a Scotch mist," he answered
them, sadly, "and I nover could make
head or tail of dialect. No." Detroit
Journal.
What She Called Him.
"Pardner, I was never so daeply
insulted in my life," said Tired
Thompson to Weary Willie, as he
joined his companion iu the road.
"Did she ask you to work for your
dinner?"
"Naw."
"Did she inwite you to take a
bath?"
"Naw."
"How did she insult you?"
"She said I was an unfumigated
fraud." Puck.
GENERAL SHAFTER'S PUCNACITY;
Haw He Came by It When Boy at
School.
General Shafter's reputed pugna
cious talonts are thus accounted for
by the Cleveland Leader:
"Once when I was a boy at school,"
said the doughty General, "I wasn't
more than 10 or 11 years old at the
time, our teacher called up the class
in mental arithmetic and began put
ting questions, beginning with the
pupil ut the head of the row and going
down toward the foot, until some one
could give the correct answer. I stood
somewhere near the middle, and next
below mo was a boy who was three
years older and considered ahead ol
mo iu the various studies that we had.
" 'How much are 13 and 9 and 8?
the teacher asked.
"While oue after another of the
boys and girls ahead of me guessed
and failed to get it right, I figured out
what I thought the answer ought, to
be. The question had almost got to
me when I heard the big boy just be
low mo whispering apparently to him
self, but loud enough for me to hear,
'tweuty-niue, twenty-nine, twenty
nine.' -
"Finally the pupil above me failed
to answer correctly, and then it was
my turn.
'"Well, Willie,' said the teacher,
'let's see if you kuow the answer,
Coiao now, be prompt.'
"I cocked my head up proudly on
oue side, cast a triumphant look at
those who had 'fallen down' ou the
problem, and said so that everybody
iu tho schoolroom could hear me:
" 'Tweuty-uine!'
" 'Next, how muuy are 13 aud 9 and
8?'
" 'Awl' said the big boy below me,
with a look of supreme contempt at
the rest of us, 'thirty!'
"Thnt was what I had figured it tc
be myself, aud when the teacher said
'correct' I wanted to fight.
"I didn't assault him, but I mad
np my mind right there and theu to
depend on my own judgmont in the
future, and ever since then whou I
have had anything to do aud had fig
ured out what I considered the best
way to do it, I have gone ahead, re
membering, when people criticised oi
tried to throw me off the track, how
that big boy made a fool of me in th
mental arithmetic class."
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
The average amount of sickness in
human life is nine days out of a year.
The immediate cause of volcanic ac
tion is now believed to be superheated
steam.
The average duratiou in life is of all
European countries highest in Sweden
and Norway and lowest in Spain.
According to tho deductions of a
well-known astronomor, we receive as
much light from the suu as could be
emitted by 680,000 full moons.
According to the Pharmaceutical
Journal, a Norwegian engineer has in
vented a process for producing paper
glue, dressing-gum, aud soap from
seaweed.
A scarcity of steel billets is roported
in Germany, where deliveries for the
current year cannot be obtained, and
many rolling-mills have difficulty in
continuing operations because of their
inability to secure material.
The dryest of all fishes is, perhaps,
the river-eel, yet, according to au
analysis by a German chemist, sixty
per cent, of its substance is water.
Salmon comes next with CI. 4 percent.
Lobsters and oysters are four-fifths
water.
The London Lancet says that the
air of a room can bo charged with
ozone by simply suspending moist
linen sheets in a keen, dry wind, and
then hanging them up in the house.
It is thought the generation of the
ozone may be due to the rapid pass
age of atmosphere oxygen ovor the
broad, wet surfaces of the sheets.
Ozone exercises a purifying effect ou
the air.
First Don't Worry Club Man,
The middle-aged man who was sit
ting on the railing flicked the ashes
from his cigar, and then said: "This
don't-norry movemeut isn't anything
new; there always have beeu people
who take life easy, and there always
will be. Wheu I was a boy I lived iu
a small town which had just one good
grocer one man who kept au up-to-date
stock of goods and sold at fair,
honest prices. Well, in the summer
time that man used to shut up his
grocery every afternoon at j o'clock
sharp and go to bed. His store doors
were locked and bolted, aud you
couldn't buy a match or a potato of
that man until 3 o'clock.
"At that time he would open his
shop again, put out his barrels of
vegetables aud his baskets of fruit
and begin all over again. His trade
was brisk, the whole town knew his
peculiar way of doing business, and he
probably never lost any money by re
tiring for two hours of sleep. Iu the
wiuter, of course, he kept open all
day. His health was always good,
he made a fair living, and left his
family enough money to quarrel over
when he died. Iu my opinion he was
the original doul worry organization
a club of one." Iudiuuapolis Jour
nal. Primitive Ice-Making.
The most ancient method of making
ice appears to bo that practiced iu
India. Holes aro mejo iu the ground,
dry straw is put at the bottom of these,
and on it, at the close of the day, are
placed pans of water, which are left
until the next morning, when tho ico
that is found within the pans is col
lected. The iudustry is curried oil
only in districts where the grouud is
dry, and will readily absorb the vapor
given off from the water in the pans.
The freezing, of course, is due to the
great amount of heat absorbed by the
vapor in passing from its liquid to its
gaseous form.
THE KING'S HIGHWAY.
Ob, a royal road Is the King's Highway
And noble the vast domain
That its passing marks with a granite
score
And splendidly cuts In twain.
There are forests grand with a glory gray
Tbat dwells In their storied deeps.
And out on the hills on the other hand
A prodigal harvest sleeps.
Silver brooks run down from tha purple
bills
To sing me a drinking song,
Fori am the king to-day, to-day,
Aud the king is passing along.
Ob, a gracious road Is the King's High
way,
And its luxury seems full sweet
To royalty making a calm survey
Of ail that its gaze shall meet.
There Is tribute glad from the burdened
fields
And the forests bring forth their share,
While the silvern song of the laughlag
brook
Is good (or my heart to wear.
Aud I may be rather a haughty king,
If left to myself to say,
For estates so wide bring a lofty pride
To a king on bis own highway.
(n a orownless way I'm going along
Just Jogglug my easy way;
For 'tis well to kuow of your kingdom, oh,
And who has the rent to pay.
Ind the other tramp with a toga torn
Grown tattered, us togas will
Has nevor a thought of my royal claim
To forest and Held and hill.
So I laugh within at the chuff without
And royally make my way,
For the world bows low to a king. Hslgb
bo! And I am the king to-day.
Oeorge K. llowon, lu Chicago Record.
HUMOR OF THE DAY
Landlady "What do you think ol
the cheese?" Boarder "Well, it has
its strong poiuts." Standard,
What we call aping in case of a mon
key, we call fashion in the case of men
and women. Fliegende Blaetter.
Mrs. Youngwife "I'm very sorry,
darling, but the cake is heavy." Mr,
Y. "Ah, I see; it was the light that
failed."
"Parker always exaggerates every
thing so." "Yos; he can't even start
an account at the bank without over
drawing it."
"There are very much worn," said
the shopkeeper. "Well, then, show
me something quite new," said Mrs,
Butterpup. Fick-Me-Up.
First-Nighter "What! Every seat
taken?" Ticket-Seller "Every one.
But there will be plenty after the first
act. I saw a rehearsal." Tit-Bits.
Mickey "Say, Jimmy, what doos
pyroteohuics meau?" Jimmy "Aw!
dat's jest what folks call fireworks
when doy wants ter put on lugs!"
Puck.
"You seem to have no aim at all,"
said the Elderly Person. "I," replied
the Idle Youth, "do not need any. 1
am not going into the navy." Indiana
Journal.
Friend"! suppose you've had
some hard experience?" Returned
Klondiker "Oh, yes! I've seen times
whon we hadn't a thing but money."
-Tid-Bits.
He "Could you learn to love a man
that had no employment?" She
"Well, he'd be arouud so much that Fd
have lots of chance to practice." St.
Louis Star.
She "So Mr. Sapper has just cele
brated his goldeu wedding." He
"Golden wedding? Why.he's only just
got married." She "Yes, but the
girl has $100,01):)."
"Those Perkins girls seem to be
popular." "Popular? Thiir father
has advertised for bids to build a
barb-wire trocha around the house."
Chicago Record,
Fools coast hills that angels fear to
tread. You can't always judge a mon'i
speed by the make of his wheel.
Scorch and the world will scorch with
yon; mope and you'll full behind.
The General "I have slood un
moved whou shells were bursting
around me. Could you?" Romoo
Barnstormer "Well, thut would de
pend a great deal upon the age of the
eggs." Life.
Mr. Nowlywed (after the first fam
ily jar) "We'll live iu a flat, that's
all there is about it." Mrs. Newlywod
"It's bad enough to live with a flat
without living' iu a flat." Adams
(Mass.) Freeman.
Opticun "My dear sir, your case
is hopeless." Customer "And am I
doomed to blindness?" Optician "It
is inevitable. I think you'd better
look at my beautiful Hue of artillciul
eyes at once." Jewelers' Weekly.
She "Doesn't the eliininatiou of
the word 'obey' from the mairiago ser
vice show that women are becoming
more independent?" He "In my
opiuiou it shows that they are broom
ing more truthful." Cincinnati Eu
quirer. Smith "Did wany of the pussou
gers go to hear Dr. Fourthl; preach iu
the maiu cabiu this moiningV ' Brown
"Yes; but most of them left when
he announced his tot?" Smith
"What was it?" Brown "Cast thy
bread upou the waters."
Hoax "What keeps Churchuiouso
so poor?" JottX "lie has a bad
memory for faces." Hoax "What
has that to do with it?" Joux- "He
can't remember his creditors, and thoy
pounce on him iu tho street before ho
can dodge. "--Philadelphia Record.
"Why, Mr. Grumpy," exclaimed
his old friend, whom ho hud not seen
for years, "your daughter lool . just
the sume as she did when a baby."
"Well, she's not the samo by a rood
deal. Then you could never get her
to sleep. Now you can never get her
to wake up wheu you want hor to."
Detroit Free Press.
"A gentleman who had grown
wealthy was in the habit of t .1 ing his
children out of the city for n drivu, aud
showiug them a one-story house, point
ing it out to them, with p ' 't, a" tho
place where they weio boru," says an
exchange. A cyclone demolished the
house; aud upou the next vi-it one of
the children exclaimed, "Oh, dear!
desr! We were not bom aoywhero
now!"