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. J. E. WENK.
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EPUBLICAH,
VOL. XXXI. NO. 25. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCT. 5," 1898. 81.00 PER ANNUM.
R
est
This is a great country, indeed.
Many of the men who are behind the
gans will again beoome the men be
hiud the plows.
If there is anything left in the jewel
box Dewey onght to have it. He is
the sturdiest fighting Yankee of then
all.
More than two hundred clergymen
will accompany the German Emperor
on his trip to Jerusalem. The chances
are that he will preach a few sermons
to them, just to show them how the
thing is done. '
The inadequacy of the plan to make
. Bear-Admiral Dewey a Vice-admiral
a in the nature of the title. Vice
Admiral means just what the words
2m-lwP j-likitl. f -at in at M aV 1 rvt 1 ft 1 A rlminal
a ill j.' i j uvpu J w flaiw aM mil i lauiuii bl
is a noble title. It is from the Arabic
Emir-al-mar, which means "Prince of
the Sea." Admiral is the title given
f by every civilized nation exoept ours
tn tlm flnmmnniliir nf a HaaI1. Th rt.
fleer second in command is called
Vioe-Admiral, and the oommanders of
subordinate divisions in a fleet are
called Bear-Admirals. Vice-Admiral
is therefore just like Bear-Admiral, a
subordinate title. It implies that its
possessor is a subordinate officer. Ad
miral is a title none too good for
Dewey. '
The Chicago Board of Education has
set about extending the usefulness of
the public school system upon lineBT
recognized utility. It proposes to
make the teaching of cooking and sew
ing a regular part of the training given
to girls, as well as the ordinary rudi
mental instruction in reading, writ
ing, ciphering and grammat In
struction in doraestio science w?ll not
be optional but obligatory. Experi
ments mfde in the introduction of
these new branches of learning hare
only served to confirm their value and
. practicability as a part of any judici
ous system of rudimentary instruction.
Not all the girls who are taught to cook
and sew will of necessity be compelled
' to the daily practice of those accom
plishments, but none will be worse off
. fooafluoh knowledge, and none can tell
npon what emergent occasion profici
ency in either craft may prove invalu
able. When every girl who attends
. the publio schools can make a shirt,
bake a palatable loaf of bread, and
broil a' steak to perfection, what a
country, advanced beyond all others,
the United States will have beoome!
The recent announcement of the
remarkable project undertaken by the
West Australian Government, namely,
to lay some 828 miles of water pipe,
made of steel spiral imbedded in con
crete, has received much attention, in
view of the peculiar kind of pipe to
be thus utilized. In the manufao
. tnre of this pipe, the sheet steel, af-
- ter being cut into strips of a width
varying with the required diameter of
' the pipe, is riveted or welded into a
continuous strip of the required
length; ,this strip is then fed auto
matically into ui a pipe-mating ma
chino,' and during its passage through
it the rivet holes are punched, and
and the laps ot trie eiigo of tue strips
are brought together nnder pressure,
and held during the process of rivet
ing. The rivets are all set by com
pression. The edge is slightly re
cessed, throwing the lap on the out-'
side. In this way the inside diame
ter of the pipe is maintained evenly
throughout the entire length. To
render the pipe water-tight on leav
ing the machine, special hydraulio ce
ment is inserted between the laps be
fore riveting.
The New York Sun observes: The
demonstration of the importance of sea
power thiongbont our war with Spain
has been striking; but it is worth not
ing what a powerful agent in peace
making our navy was even when at
rest. What was it that Spain of late
most (beaded? Not immediately our
land forces, either in the Antilles or
the Philippines. In Cuba she saw
General Shafter's army moving away
frqni the island on account of the
fever, and she knew that no campaign
against Havana wonld be tried until
after the rainy season. In any rase,
she was ready to give up both Ciba
and Forto Bico, while the fall of Ma
nila had been a foregone conclusion
ever since Dewey's victory. But
while nothing over the seas immedi
ately threatened her which she had
not already faced, she conld not en
dure the home panic which would be
caused by an attack of our fleet on
her coasts. That our own Govern
ment was fully alive to this fact was
evident from its continued prepara-
tions to send an overwhelming force
across the Atlantic, in case of a seri
ous hitch in the peaoe negotiations.
Thus the influence of our sea power
was visible even while the negotia
tions for peace were going ot.
THE OLD
(By a Veteran of
A I searched to-day the attia
In tbe furmhouse old and gray
Whence In years to mo mo.t sacred,
To tba war I marobed away
Hid amid tbe dust and rubbish
Where the cobwebs Intervene,
Here I found a rello precious
My old army tin canteen.
Though the oloth was worn to tatters,
And tbe rust was tblck o'erspread;
Though Its strap bad long since parted
With tbe clasps It once had wed;
lot It seemed to me a treasure,
Hhlnlng bright with glowing sheen,
Lighting up the place with glory,
Where I found tbe old canteen.
Diiolt It carries me In fancy
To that day our first review
When we marched adown tbe village,
Clad In patriotic blue;
Suns that shone like burnished silver,
Bright agulnpt the summer green,
And the box and knapsack polished,
With that army tin canteen.
"A VERY POPULAR MAN.'
A TALE OF
By ASHLEY
ENY it those who
may, nevertheless
to gratify ambition
for publio life- in
our country, it is
often more essen
tial that a man
should be popular
than that he should
be competent. So,
at least, thought
Mr. Van Buren Crofutt young man
who felt, from the hour he cast his
first vote, a call to go np higher, and
take a prominent seat among the
rulers of the land.
Mr. Crofutt was a reader of human
nature, with a strong faith iu policy,
aud no idea of principle. He was
crafty rather than wise, and saw no
difference between notoriety and
fame.
To-be-sure, he had some grounds
for his belief; for he saw the promi
nent officials in his connly selected,
not with an eye to personal fitness,
but because they were popular with
the people.
Mr. Crofutt deliberated on his
future, and, to achieve success, de
cided to go to work systematically, in
order to make himself popular. This
is how he reasoned:
"A popular mau must be a man of
the people, and, to be a man of the
people, one must never sink below the
average, nor rise above the majority;
so it is equally dangerous to be a
drunkard or a scholar! The popular
man should neither be a sloven nor a
fop in dress, nor a boor or courtier in
manner. He should know the people
not only the voters, but their wives
and children, their hopes and fears,
their success or ill-fortune; and he
should ever oomment on the things
nearest to the heart of the man he is
addressing. To be popular, oue should
be active for the friends he hopes some
day to use, but never positive, so as to
rouse the opposition against him. A
friend in the camp of tho foe is a pil
lar of strength to the popular man."
This, and much more in the same
vein showed that Mr. Crofutt went to
work with a plan.
He had a temper, but he kept it to
himself; and if he had any individual
views on government, religion or edu
cation, he never permitted them to in
terfere with his agreeing, in his very
indefinite way, with the views of peo
ple diametrically opposite.
He cnltivated a memory for names,
and carried a memorandum book, in
which each night he noted down the
name of every new acquaintance he
had met during the day, and every
circumstance connected with the intro
duction. Therefore, he was continually oom
plimenting people who had forgotten
him, and showing his interest in them
by a curious knowledge of their
names, as well as the names of their
friends, and other matters that proved
he must have retained the most
pleasant remembrance of them. .
He complimented the temperance
men by quietly wishing them success,
and publicly attending their leotures
and open meetings, but at the same
time he took care to keep iu with the
liquor dealers and men addicted to the
flowing bowl by an occasional mild in
dulgence, to prove he was a believer
in the virtues of moderate drink.
All this tended to make Mr. Van
Buren Crofutt very popular, but it
was not many years after his first
vote was cast that he discovered he
was still without the pale, and, be
yend his captivating manners, had no
tie that bound him to men by the en
dearing name of "brother."
He belonged to no society banded
for special purpose, and to no order
nnited by mysterious ties for the per
petration of mystic ceremonies and the
deepening of the channels of fraternal
love.
Mr. Crofutt was a member of the
bar, a nominal lawyer with a small
patrimony that rendered him compara
tively independent of fees; but the
legal profession, though very noble,
does not lead to strong fraternal feel
ings between its members in a small
oountry town.
Mr. Van Buren Crofutt decided,
after much thought, to beoome a
society man in the most liberal and
literal meaning of the word. Such a
course would enlarge the field of his
acquaintance, and enabTfeaJjim to be
among brothers no matter where he
went.
So Mr. Crofutt began to take "de
gree," and to be initiated into the
mysteries of all tbe secret societies
CANTEEN.
tb Mexican War.)
Where are those that marched that morning
Elbow touching elbow true?
Many sleep, but tow are waiting
For that silent, last review.
Guns and knapsacks both have vanished,
In th&jrpars that long have been;
This ilVnre of all remaining
My old army tin canteen.
'Mid the march and 'mid the battlp
It was ever near to me;
Sick or weary, tired or wounded,
It was true as friend could e;
And when borne at last returning,
Two old comrades neured the scene;
One a soldier, maimed and wounded,
One an army tin canteen,
We have oldor grown together,
Veterans from tba soldier days,
And a sight ot it bath wakened
Dearest memories of my gaiio;
Long will I this treasure cherish,
And when death shall close the scene.
May they place us both together
Me and thee, my old cauteeu.
New York Mall and Express.
POLITICAL LIFE.
LAWRENCE
that flourish with such vigor and va
riety. The result of this was that, before
the year was over, Mr. Crofutt's
jewelry answered a double purpose,
and his mind was terribly confused on
passwords and grips.
His scarf-pin bespoke him an An
cient, and his finger-ring showed he
traveled as a Builder; his sleeve-buttons
bore mystic emblems, and his
watch-chain was decorated with society
charms.
After he had exhausted his jewelry
to prove the legality of his claims, he
bought badges of other societies, whioh
he modestly concealed nnder the lapels
of his coat and waistooat, where they
were ready for exhibition should he
wish to signal a brother.
He no longer shook hands as before
he became a sooiety man. On being
introduced to a stranger, he ran the
whole mystic gamut over his hand and
arm, till he struck the right key,' and
found in the stranger a brother whom
he at once proceeded to treat as if long
lost but ever loved.
All these societies made great de
mands on Mr. Crofutt's time and
means, and as soon as it became
kuown that he had a liking for secret
societies, he was besot by the advo
cates of open organizations, and to
maintaiu his popularity, he was forced
to join every one of them.
So, after a time, his office and bed
room were covered with handsomely
framed certificates of membership,
many of them representing antagonis
tic societies.
One of them showed he was a full
member of "The Jolly Larks," and
another that he was an honorary mem
ber of the "Anti-Liquor Lioense
Brotherhood." Another showed him
a life member of "Buster's Brass
Band," and beside it was a certificate
showing he had paid his annual dnes
to "The Malay Mission Fnnd."
Everything went well for awhile,
save an occasional jealousy on the part
of some sooiety that thought Mr. Cro
futt had not treated it as liberally as
he had some others not nearly so de
serving, and the fact that in the
speeches which he was often called on
to make h6 confused the audience and
himself by mixiug np the Jolly Larks
and the Brass Band with the Malay
Mission and the Sunday-school Union.
During all this time Mr. Crofutt
tried to practice his profession, and
he had more cases than formerly, but
they were not of a satisfactory or a
paying kind, His clients were always
brothers, and as snoh he had often to
work for "the good of the order," for
promissory fees, and oftener for noth
ing. He might nave borne all this calm
ly, for he was a man of great patience,
but, unfortunately, while aiding the
brother of one society on the one hand,
he found himself opposing the brother
of some other society on the other
hand, and so laying himself open, un
der the rnles of the order, to the
charge of violating his obligation.
So matters went on till Mr. Van
Buren Crofutt was thirty years of age,
and becameone of the best-known men
in his county and a well-known man
in the State.
He had run nearly through with his
inheritance, and his professional busi
ness being sacrificed to his desire for
popnlarity, he was not making money.
But he was a cool, far-seeing man,
working out his career by rules he had
weighed and approved. The reward
would come for the waiting; he had
helped everybody, from what seemed
the most unselfish motives, and when
the proper time came he was sure
everybody would stand by him. He
not only felt this to be the case, bnt
he had been so informed again and
again, by his brothers and fellow
members, all of whom seemed anxious
to show their appreciation of his ability
and devotion.
While Mr. Van Buren Crofutt thus
tonght the society of men, it must not
be supposed that he neglected the so
ciety of women; on the contrary, he
was a great and respectful admirer ot
the fair sex. But he never allowed his
admiration to get the better of his
prudence.
At all the dinners and banquets he
was chosen to respond to that very
charming and familiar toast. "The
women God bless them!" and from
long practice he got to do it with im
mense credit to himself and great sat
isfaction of his audiences.
If Mr. Crofutt kept clear of the en
tanglements of love, it must not be
npposed that he gave no thought to
- m
3
the subject of marriage. It was, next
to popularity, the thought with which
he most busied his brain; and, as he
desired his popnlarity to give him
honors and office, he was anxious his
marriage should bring him wealth and
high social position. It was with this
feeling that he sought every opportu
nity to meet beautiful Jennie Living
ston, the daughter of the wealthy
Judge, who had declined a foreign
mission, and who was spoken of for
the Supreme Bench.
The Livingstons were very aristo
cratic, and this branoh of the Crofutt
family had never been named for their
position. Miss Jennie, it is to be
feared, was a coquet, for she delighted
in being the recipient of attentions,
and a more popular man than Mr. Van
Buren Crofutt might have been flat
tered by the encouragement she gave
him; an encouragement so marked
that Mr. Crofutt's brothers and fellow-members
began to joke him about
his approaching marriage, and the
gossips, who flourish so vigorously,
discussed the alliance with character
istic freedom and sense of certainty.
About this time there was to be a
Congressional election in the district
where Mr. Crofutt lived. He had
looked forward to this particular elec
tion for years, and so expressed no
modest surprise when many of his
brothers and fellow-members assured
him he would get the nomination; and
a nomination meant an eleotion, for
the district was overwhelmingly on
the side of the party to which Mr.
Crofutt nominally belonged.
Not to extend the matter, Mr.
Crofutt was nominated, bnt only after
the most bitter opposition, and a talk
of "bolting" that surprised the popu
lar man, who had even been flattering
himself that the other party would
make no nomination.
At this time, and for many years
before, there was a yonng man in
Judge Livingston's office of about Mr.
Crofutt's age. His name was John
Wilson, and outside of his profession,
where he was successful and honored,
he was but little known.
He was a tall, student-like man; a
member of no society, and the only
support of a widowed mother. Mr.
Wilson was dignified and reserved in
his manners; but those who knew him
well fiaid he was thesonl of generosity
and honor, and those who did -not
know him well, had an idea that he
was very learned, as all reserved pro
fessional men are generally supposed
to be.
Though John Wilson was a brother
lawyer, Mr. Van Buren Crofutt did
not like him. John was the one man
about whom Mr. Crofutt did not hesi
tate to give a positive opinion, and al
ways an unfavorable one; and this
dislike grew very much stronger
when the rumor that the discontents
agreed to support Mr. Wilson, and
the opposition woild make no nom
ination, ripened into a certaiuty.
Mr. Crofutt was annoyed and
alarmed; for, following the above in
formation, came an invitation from
Mr. Wilson to meet him before the
people and discuss their respective
claims to the position of Bepresenta
tive. Mr. Crofutt was a popular speaker,
but not an orator; Mr. Wilson was an
orator, but his popularity was not
tried. Mr. Crofutt had great faith in
people; Mr. Wilson had great faith in
himself.
The canvass went on with increas
ing heat, and the popular man found
himself assailed by the press, and, to
his amazement, all his motives, and
many motives he never had, were held
up to the gaze and ridicule of the peo
ple. The election came off and the re
turns came in. Mr. Van Buren Cro
futt was beaten! 'It was an awful
blow a blow that changed as if by
magio the whole nature of the popu
lar man. He sought the society of
the Jolly Larks, and was seen, one
day, in court, under the influence of
liquor. He openly denounced broth
ers and members who had voted
against him, till, at last, brothers and
members began to wonder how they
could ever have endured him.
A defeated man needs a great deal
of self-respect and a great deal of self
reliance. Mr. Crofutt knew himself,
and had neither.
The admiration he had entertained
for Miss Livingston before his candi
dacy increased into most demonstra
tive love after his defeat; and when
he learned that Wilson was before him
even in tbe affections of the proud
young beauty, his pronounced dielike
was supplanted by the most-vindio-tive
hate, which he did not disguise.
About a month before Mr. Wilson
was to go to Washington, the day of
his departure being the one selected
for his marriage, he was found, one
morning, in a piece of woods, between
the town and his mother's house, with
a bullet in his breast.
Tbe news spread far and wide, with
the proverbial quickness of bad news,
that Mr. Wilson was murdered, and
the people flocked into the town, even
those who had voted against him ex
pressing their sorrow at his death and
respect for his character.
"Who could have done the deed?"
everybody asked, in open-mouthed
wonder, and nobody . attempted to
solve the mystery.
But young Wilson was not dead,
though all the doctors vowed he ought
to die, acoording to medical regula
tions. He was nursed back, to life,
and recovered, though the wedding
and the time of taking his seat in Con
gress were necessarily postponed.
When Mr. Wilson got well enough
to explain the assault, he only added
to the mystery. A man stepped from
behind a tree as he was going home
from Judge Livingston's late that
night, and fired. He fell, and that was
all he knew about it till he recovered
consciousness next day.
A diligent search was made for the
would-be assastin, but without a clue,
and it must be said Mr. Van Buren
Crofutt aided in the search; bnt from
that day on he was a shunned man.
He had still a member's standing iu
the societies, but the brothers avoided
him. His clients, never many, dwin
dled away. Men whose hands he had
clasped in mystic fraternity, crossed
the streets to avoid him, and he walked
a solitary man in the streets, where
the children had shouted his name,
and where his journeys had been often
delayed for hours by the extemporized
ovations of his acquaintances 'and
friends. He was wise enough to leave
the town; but whither he went, no one
knows even to this day.
It is to be hoped, however, no mat
ter where he is, that he has learned
how nncerlain is the pedestal on which
very popular men stand, and how great
is the difference between respect and
familiarity. Saturday Night.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL, "m
The seacoast line of the globe is
computed to be about 136,000 miles.
The color of the sky is the blue tint
of oxygen gas, one of the chief ingre
dients of the air.
On every square inch of the surface
npon whioh it rests, atmosphere bears
with a pressure of about fifteen
pounds. ,
A scientist looking for microbes says
there are absolutely none on the Swiss
mountains at an altitude of two thou
sand feet.
The fact that skeleton remnants of
elephants are so rarely found in any
portion of Africa is explained by an
explorer, who states that as soon as
the bones become brittle from climatio
influences, they are eaten in lieu of
salt by various ruminant animals.
A Berlin (Germany) patent agency
announces that a Polish engineer has
found a way of chemically treating
straw in snoh a way that it can be
pressed into a substance as hard as
stone and cheaper thau wood paving,
for which it is expected to prove a sub
stitute. In 1808 Sir Humphry Davy made
the first electric light; it was not
adapted to commercial tise, however.
Electric lamps were made in France
early in the fifties. The exact date
seems not to be known. Edison
adapted the incandescent light to com
mercial use.
It is believed that lightning is visi
ble at a distance of 150 miles, but
opinions still differ as to how far away
thunder can be heard. A French
astronomer has made observations on
the subject, and he declares it impos
sible for thunder to be heard at a
greater distance than ten miles. An
English meteorologist has counted np
to 130 seconds between the flash and
the thunder, which would give a dis
tance of twenty-seven miles.
Cansa and Effect.
The students of a certain big medi
cal college of this city, says the Phila
delphia Becord, are enjoying a good
joke at the expense of one of their
professors. The case in question was
that of a young man suffering from
nervous trouble who was introduced
to the clinio.
In some diseases of the nervous sys
tem there is an interference of the
blood supply to the smaller blood-vessels
of the skin, which show a conges
tion of the venous .blood. A common
symptom, for instance, is a blue color
in the finger-tips. The subject before
the clinio on this oocasion seemed to
the physioian to afford an excellent il
lustration of this condition.
"Look at this young man's hand,"
he said. "Do you notice anything
peculiar about them?"
The students when closer to investi
gate, hut no one ventured an opinion
that anything nnusual was to be seen.
"What? went on the professor.
"Can't you see the condition of the
patient's blood indicated there in the
blue color of nis hands? That
proves "
But at this point the patient a
mother, who was sitting near by, in
terrupted.
"Why, doctor," said she, "that blue
is ye. He works in a tannery."
The students laughed, and the pro
fessor laughed, too, bnt he suddenly
ohanged the subject. "
Walnut Forest or 1811 Exhumed.
Seoretary Watson of the Lumber
men's Exchange reported that a vast
forest of walnut had been unearthed
in Southeast Missouri. In 1811 an
earthquake in that part of the State
resulted in the sinking of large tracts
of land. Since then there have been
annual flood in that district, each
year adding to the accretions. Awhila
ago two farmers, walking through a
part of the district, noticed what to
their eyes seemed to be the ends of
walnnt trees sticking out of the
sunken places and tipped over. Re
membering that vast amounts of cedar
wood have been dug np in various
places, the farmers reported their ob
servations, and the ground was ex
plored. It was found to be rich in
trees of black walnut from twenty
eight to thirty-six inches in diameter.
Secretary Watson states that there
are two parts to a walnut tree. The
centre consists of solid, black wood,
and the rest of the tree is a soft,
sappy growth, which is of little use
for commercial purposes. In these
new trees, just unearthed, the sap has
all rotted off, leaving only the black
heart or solid portion of the tree.
This is found to be a fine specimen of
walnut, with an unusual depth of
color. St. Louis Globe-Demoerat.
Telephone Service In Great Britain.
It is stated that the select commit
tee on the telephone service in Great
Britain have agreed by a majority to
recommend that tbe postoflice shall
grant licenses to mnnicipalities on the
on the same terms as it does to the
National Telephone Company that
is to say, ten per ceo,, of the rentals
charged to customers.
THE MERRY SIDE OFLLFK,
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Grounds For Snplclon An Example at
Hand Mather Knew Hotter A New
Application On the Way Juvenile
Finance Kesnlta of the Loan, Etc.
I bave a little pear tree
That blossomed in the si ring,
And with watchful care and loving
I bave nursed the graceful thing.
Two pears grew on its branches,
The first it ever bore;
Each weighed, whan lust I saw them,
Full half a pound or more.
When I got borne last evening,
And went to view my tree.
The two green pears were missing
My hopes bad gone agleel
I do not know who took them
Who 'twas I cannot swear.
But my neighbor's boy is under
The doctor's watchful care.
Cleveland Leader.
Mother Knew Better.
He "Why is it your mother so
seldom trusts us alone?"
"Oh, mother knows me better than
you do, George." Life.
A New Application.
"We call our new safe Samson."
"Because it is so strong, eh?"
"Yes, and its strength, depends on
its locks." Philadelphia Evening
Bulletin.
An Example at Hand.
She "Did you ever see a bird on
t man's hat?"
He "Yes, dear; there's one on my
bat now. Will you kindly get up?"
Conkers Statesman.
Juvenile Finance.
"Come here, Bobby; would you
like to have me give you a quarter?'
"No; gimme a dime; I can spend
that 'fore pa or ma wants to borry
from me." Detroit Free Press.
On tbe Way.
"The scorcher is a nuisance," de
clared the quiet man, "and should be
exterminated."
"Well," replied the frivolous one,
"he is going fast." New York Jour
nal. Usually the AVay.
Blister "I'd like to see that new
levioe of yours for preventing the
theft of a watch."
Kister "Can't show it. It was
itolen from me yesterday by a pick
pocket." Results of the Loan.
Storekeeper "Have you nothing
smaller than a $50 bond?"
Customer "Eh? Oh, yes, here, I
forgot. I have a couple of 20's
Somewhere about me " Philadelphia
(forth American.
At the Opera.
"Did you enjoy the opera?"
"No; I didn't hear it."
"Why not?"
"Two women sitting in front of me
ere explaiuing to each other how
they loved the music"
One Good Iteiuti.
"The war has developed John's
memory wonderfully."
"In what way?"
"He can sing four lines of 'The
Star-Spangled Banner' almost correct
ly." Cleveland Leader.
How the Qnarrel liege n.
Mrs. Kindlee "The woman whe
ill-treats her husband deserves to have
lier house burned over her head."
Mrs. Cross "That's so. By the
ray, is your house insured, my dear?'
Jacksonville (Fla.) Times-Union.
Not D'sposett to Delay Illin.
"I would go to the end of the
world for you," he exulaimod, pas
tionately.
"I'm sure I wish yon would," she
snswered him, coldly, "and then
lump off!" Soraerville Journal.
A Heavy Tart.
"They have given me the heaviest
part in the new play."
"You don't say! Whot is it like?"
"I have to catch the big fat leading
lady when she faints in the fourth
act."- Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
A Timely ftuggeitlon.
She "George!"
He "Yes, dearest."
She "It is just 10 o'clock, and ae
papa says you must not stay longer than
12, don't you think it is about time to
begin saying good-night?" Up-to-date.
A Chance of Scenery.
Stage manager (to lessee of theater)
"Our scene shifter wants a holiday.
He says he hasn't been away for three
years."
Lessee "Well, tell him he cannot
have one. He gets change ot scenery
enough for anybody."
A Recompense.
Mrs. Tomkins "Mrs. Yabsley has
had such an experience! Arrested foi
shoplifting! All a mistake, of ccurse."
Mrs. Jenkins "I suppose she must
have been very much annoyed?"
Mrs. Tomkins "Not at all. The
papers all said she was ot 'prepossess
ing appearance.' "
The Guileless Yonth.
"Do you know, Mr. Gilley," said
Miss Sears, enthusiastically, "that 1
have ridden a century?"
"Oh, come, now, Miss Sears," re
plied Mr. Gilley; "yon cawn't have
done that, doncherknow, because bi
cycles haven't been invented that long,
aw." Detroit Free Press.
A New Kind of Trolley.
Who would have thought ten year
ago that the following little conversa
tion would occur in 1898?
"Mamma, mamma," said four-year-old
Dotty, as a tired pair of horses lazily
dragged a street car along au un
familiar avenue, "there's a new kind
of twollie car as have to have horses."
.-Electrical Beview.
JUST ABOUT THESE DAYS.
I dunno what's th' reason thet along about
this season.
When th' golden-rod Is tallest an' th'
gyarden's glttln' brown;
When I hear th crickets honln' an' th'
locusts dronln', dronln'.
An' th' apples In th' orchard one by one
a-dropping down,
Thet I sorter drop my hurry an' fo'gll
about my worry
As I lonf aroun' th' pastur' an' enjoy th'
autumn haze.
An' fo'git th' cricket's bummln' as I feel th'
tear-drops coniln',
An' I somehow bear th' voices thet
beard in other days.
It's a sort of a reviewin' what for years
been a-doln'.
An It seems as it th' biggest things were
only childish play;
While th' thiugs most wath th' keepin', an
for which to-day I'm weepin'.
Took advantage ot my blindness an' havt
vanished olean away.
Ves, this autumn air is clearer, an' it bring!
up objlcks nearer,
Or perhaps it multtplios 'em when I see
'em through my tears.
Mobbe thet may be th' reason tbet along
about this season
I kin see th' loves I ustor love arrayed
along th' years.
t kin hear my mother singln'; I kin feel
her hand a-clingin'
Aroun' my boyish neck ag'In an' see bet
lovln' gaze.
I shall find th futur' brighter, all my loads
will be th' lighter,
For the dreams tbet I am dreamln' as 1
lost about these days.
Judge.
HUMOR OF THE DAY. ,
"Is Hobbs a man of fads?" "I'm
inclined to think so. He has a fifth
wife."
Miss Askins "Do you claim to
understand women?" Jack DeWitt
"Not I! I know them too well."
Puck.
"He always went to the foot in
school." "Then, maybe, that's how
he turned out to be a corn doctor."
Philadelphia Bulletin.
"Don't yon think that's rather a
clever drawing of Dauber's?" "Well,
the face does look rather drawn."
Philadelphia North American.
Mrs. Wallace "It is the ambition
of your life, I suppose, to do without
work." Perry Patetic "Not to do,
mum; to be." Cincinnati Enquirer.
Mrs. Hiliver "Husband, dear,
what makes yon so -pensive?" Mr,
Hiliver "Possibly, love, it's because
you are so expensive." Jeweler's
Weekly.
"They say that the boys in camp
are occupying cramped quarters."
"Yes; they are between a peach orch
ard and a watermelon patch." New
York World.
Singleton "They say Meekton fell
in love with his wife at first sight."
Benedick "Well, I'll bet he wishes
he had been gifted with second sight
now." Truth.
Little Girl "It is selfish of you,
Johnnie, to play at ships when I have
not got one." Ditto Boy "You can
play, too; you can be the storm, and
blow." Pick-Me-Up.
William (reading) "Pa, what's a
prolonged conflict?" Pa "It's some
thing you'll never be able to under
stand, my boy, until you grow up and
get married." Chicago Daily News.
Dasherly "The Spaniards call us
a 'nation of shop-keepers.' " FlaBherly
"Well, what kick have they got
coming? We gave them a great deal
more than they bargained for."
Puck.
Chimmie "Billy, I've hit a job as
elevator boy. Dat's wot I ben aimin'
at for two years." Billy "Two
years! Golly! You must bave some
Spanish blood in ye." San Franoisoo
Examiner.
Tenor "When I gave my first con
cert four pcoplo had to be carried
fainting out of the hall." Friend
"O, but sinoe that time your voice
has considerably improved." Flieg
ende Blaetter.
Florida Native "They say that
rich gent fum the Nawth has a half
grown alligatuh.1' Second Florida
Native "Ya-as; an' bimeby they'll
say that a full-grown alligatuh has got
that thah rich gent fum the Nawth."
Harper's Bazar.
"Yes," said Miss Passeigh, "I en
joy the society of Mr. Airyled. He
keeps me interested. He is always
saying somethiug that one never hears
from anybody else." "Beally!" re
joined Miss Cayenne. "Has he been
proposing to you, too?" Washington
Sta.
"Your brother-in-law still at your
house, Wallace?" "Yes, but he is be
ginning to weakeu. I have him push
ing the lawn-mower every morning
and the ice cream freezer every after
noon. I think he will go before I am
driven to starting him iu on the wash
ing." Lake of Illack Dye in California.
Iu the vicinity of the Colorado Bivei
in Southern California there is one of
the most remarkable bodies of water
in the world. The strange black
fluids bears no resemblance whatever
to water; it is thick, viscid and foul
smelling. Experiments have proved
it is not poisonous, but makes an ex
cellent dye. It has been analyzed,
but its qualities are not yet made
known. The lake is situated about
half a mile from a volcauo, and occu
pies an area of about one acre. Tho
surface is coated with gray ashes from
the volcano, which sorves to couceal
it from the view of the unwary trav
eler, and makes it a dangerous local
ity. Nothing defiuite is knowu as to
its source of supply, but it is un
doubtedly of volcauio origin.
Naturally the Indians have a legend
in connection with this remarkable
phenomenon. The lake, they Bay, is
composed of the blood of their bad
brothers, who are suffering iu their
hell, amid the volcanoes. The sur
roundings suggest the infernal regions
with active and da(Lolcanoes, spont
ing geysers, boiliug springs aud
"lake of ink." New York Tribuue.