Tiie Forest Republican
U published every Wednos Jay, by
J. E. WENK,
Offlot la Smearbauga & Ca'i Bulling
ELM 8TBEKT, TIOHE3TA, FA.
Terma, - ttl.uoPer Year.
No subscrlptloni received for a shorter
period than throe mouths.
Correspondence soilcito I from all parts of
tb oouatry. No noilo will b taken of
anonymous oouitnunio.illons.
It is not often an Admiral ana ,
diplomat arc found under the same
Tlnuin. nv.ilTna in ha at! AT.
4" v. I '
ccptiou. He bus filled both positions
at Manila with pro-emiuout ability.
In a report of a recent Parisian duel
it was said that the socouds plaeod the
adversaries at an equal distanoe from
eaoh other, au arrangeineut the square
ness of which no court of honor any
where would thiuk of impeaching.
Lieutenant Geolinuyden, of the
Rqyal Norwegian Nary, admires the
Oregon so much that he has advised
his Government to give the contract
for the two warships which it pro
poses to build to an American firm.
Much action on his part is evidently
an indication that onr naval victories
are destined to inaugurate a new era
of progress for American shipbuild
ing. '
t Tn bin "Hiirliwnva and Ttvwavs iu
Devon and Cornwall" Arthur II.
Norway tells of a fragment of an
tiquity that still "lingers in the neigh
borhood of Redruth, whore the coun
try people when they see a ghost say
'Numuy dumuy!"; and he adds: "I
leave the riddle to be solved by any
one who is curious enough to under
take a useful piece of practice iu un
ravelling the corruption of language."
The phrase is probably a corruption of
"In Nomiuo Domini," the Latin for
"In the name of the Lord," a phrase
so familiar in the devotion of the Mid
dle Aires. suggests the New York
York Tribune.
Iu 1890 consumption caused 102,-
191) deaths iu the United States, being
235.30 deuths per 100,000 poople.
England shows a lower rato than this,
or 174.9, but Prussia a much higher
ono, or 304.3. Among the colored
people the rate of death from this
disease is more than twice as high as
that of the whites, or 540.11. The
rate is also higher among foreign than
native born, or 312.33. It is higher
iu cities thuu iu the country, among
married people than among single, and
among widowed thau among either.
Of all regions of the United States,
there are, as bufoi e said, fewer deaths
from this disease, comparatively, iu
tho southwest central region than iu
any othor. Here the rate is only 91.44
in the one thousand deaths from all
oauses. The three othor parts of tho
United States which most nearly ap
proaches this record, are the Cor-
dillerau region, theWeBtern plains',
aud tho region of the great lakes.
President Thwing, making a com
parison between college expenses of
the past and of the present, thinks
that uiauy sons of small farmers and
tradesmen are practically excluded
from university advantages of to-day.
From 1825 to 1830, tho average au-
nual expenses were one hundred and
seventy-six dollars. In the sixties,
war prices prevailed $203 to $137
yearly, two-thirds for board and room-
In 1881-2, the average expense to an
economical student ranged from $484
to $807. At Yale, the average for
1893 was $087.50. Amherst, Dart
mouth and othor colleges show the
same development. The conclusion
of a discreet reviewer seems to be just,
thut "if the purpose of those who
have given the great endowments and
the general spirit of America demand
that the opportunity of a college edu
cation shall be given to boys of rela
tively poor families, the end must be
obtained either by restoring for all
students the old New England sys
tem of low fees, or by establishing for
11 the new Western system of free
education from the kindergarten to
the university."
The annual report of the Massachu
setts Bureau of Statistics of Labor
presents exceedingly interesting and
important facts regarding the com'
parative wages and price of labor in
1872, 1881 and 1897. Iu general the
results indicate a higher wage rate in
1897 than in 1881. Of course iu order
to determine whether wages have
really gone up or down the prices
of commodities and the purchasing
of money must be taken into account.
From the figures given it is shown
that all articles classified as groceries
were lower in price in 1897 thay in
1881 with the single exception of green
Rio coffee. Provisions also show
lower prices in general. Iu the mat
ter of fuel lower prices prevailed in
18d? than in 1881. In rents the rates
were slightly lower iu 1897 than in
1881 for six-room tenoments; . w four
room tenements the rents were slightly
higher in 1897 than iu 1881. The
rates for board were lower in 1897
than in 1881. The result of the in
juiry shows plainly that the scale of
wages for lubor in 1897 was higher
thau in 18S1 and thut the purchasing
power of one dollar was greater in
1897 than in 1881.
Forest
VOL. XXXI. NO.
"WAITING
Ob, ye that slilne In the thickest fight,
And ye with labor spent,
That bear the beat and dust and sweat,
On victory Intent,
Look not with scorn upon the ranks
Of those that idle stand.
While on your empty scabbards gleams
The glare or Durning oranu.
There Is a fate more bard to btar
Tban that which takes away
The warrior from his cherished hoorth;
It is the long dolay.
The heart grown sick from hope deferred.
The summons never given,
The thought that other hands shall bear
The flag In battle riven;
It Is to hear the trumpet's call,
The cannon s loud alarm,
Aud see the smoke on distant fields
While all around Is calm;
HOW STEVE STUCK TO ORDERS.
.
Dy FRANK OAKLINQ.
HE stage and the sun,
alike keepers of tune,
were both duo at the
lone station on Lost
River.
Already the eastern
rim of the desert was
breaking into fire; al-
eady across the reddened Btretch of
sage-bush a burst of dust marked the
sure coming of the coach, on its way
from the Suako River settlements to
the Salmon River mines.
Attracted ty its vsuuting approach,
.hree blauketed figures rose about a
little open campfire flickering near the
roadside, and stood while the coach
flitted by, staring with admiration at
thut pageant of the desert. Their ap
pearance lrew from the driver a look
that also lingered, but not iu admira
tion. Blamed if there aint those three
Bannocks again, haugiug round the
stutiun like jack-rabbits round a stack
of lucerne!" he commented.
But Bauuocks by the roadside wore
au ordinary sight to him, and these
were nowise extraordinary in dress or
nirnner or hubit of "hanging round.
He gave them no further notice as
they followed after him into the sta
tion. Then, blouket-enwrapped to the
eyes from the thin air of the morning,
they stood, mute aud motionless
watchers of the change of horses.
The fresh wheelers were already in
their places at the pole. The leaders'
tugs were hooked, and the hostler,
stopping nimbly backward was string
ing out the long lead-lines, when tue
driver spoke authoritatively from the
box:
'Say, Steve, you must haul water
to Red Hole to-day, sure! That's or
ders." The hostler looked up. He was au
alert voung fellow iu tilted cowboy
hit, "oheck" shirt and overalls.
"Oh, give us a rest! he exclaimed
iu the slang of the stable, and with
no thought of the clean, cool, bay-
bedded corner stall in the stage barn
where, rolled iu a horse blanket, he
usually made up for his brokeu night,
The driver griuued. "lhats the
order," he repeated. "It's straight
from the old man, Rustlerouud, kid,
and get that water-tank a-rolliug to
Red Hole."
His manner altered, and turning bis
head he glanced at the passengers
within, disdainfully ignoring the three
blanketed statues planted at the off
wheel.
"There'll be a little pile oomiug in
the treasure-box to-night, Steve," he
said, bending alike from dignity and
the box. and lowering his voice to a
oonfid.mtial tone. "It's to pay off
with at the minos, and the old man
wants it sent right along to Salmon
Rivor You look out there ain't any
waitiug at Red Hole for water."
He straightened up and held out his
hand. "Pitch me them stringBl All
ready there, inside? Hike!"
The four horses sprang forward, as
oue horse. The rocking body of the
coach rose in front; the baggage
weighted boot dipped behind, and the
canvas curtains flapped wing-wise on
either side in swift aud dusty evanish-
ment.
The blauketed Indians gazed after
in gleaming-eyed approval. Return
iug to their roadside camp, they mount
ed their ponies, and taking the trail to
Sntke River, they also began to pouud
the dust from the desert.
Then across Lost River another dust'
closd arose, as the hostler, Steve, in
the saddle, thinking not of Iudiaus
but orders, circled the range" after
horses to haul the heavy water-tank to
Red Hole work for which the light,
withy stage horses were useless.
He soon found the animals he sought
a pai of four-year-old Cleveland boy
horses. High-headed, long-niauecl,
streaming-tailed, the spau stood six
teen hands high and were heavy in
proportion. But despite their been
ness, Steve s well-graiued little suuuie
horse v. a put to his best to drive them
fiery-eyed and snorting, into the cor
ral.
Harnessed by him, they came out of
.he stable fit for eveu the eyes of "the
old man, the superintendent,
whose hawk-like vision could take in
at a glance the points of a horse aud
the poliEh of a harness.
The long, cylindrical iron tank
capable of holding some two hundred
gallons of water, was mounted on
broad-gaged aud long-coupled trucks
ttiat added greatly to its weight and
draft. Hitched to it, the span handled
it a easily as if it were a baby-car
iage.
Driven into Lost River, it gradually
sunk to the hubs with the weight of
the water as Steve filled it; and all the
nerve and power of the heavy horses
were required to start it from the sand
s sli I .
V'j
Once in the solid road they trundled
22. TIONESTA,
ORDERS."
To feul that we could battle, too,
K but the call would come,
And not be lagging at the sound
Of bugle, life and drum.
And then, because onr hopes grow faint,
Belf-trust Is shattered, too;
At last we wonder, could we strike
As hard as others do?
And could we stand the storm of Oro,
The bullets' dreadful hall,
Like that herolo vanguard stands,
Nor at the carnage quail?
Ab, sadder than to storm the height,
And on Its slope to die.
And cruelur tban In the dust
With parched lips to lie,
It Is to wait with beating heart
A chance to do and die,
. Till others have the victory won
And righting days are by
J. 8. Taylor.
it easily, with Steve Bitting braced on
the high seat.
Fifty miles of waterless desert
stretched between Lost River and the
Snake. Pitched in a depression of
the desert, nearly midway between
the two, was the stage station of Red
Hole.
Water had to be hauled there for the
stage stock and the stock-tender
There, also, water was measured out
to emigrants crossing the desert, and
to Mormon venders of fruit and vege
tables bouud for the mines. It was
given free to man, but for beasts it
must be bought.
It was in the afternoon wben Steve
left Lost River. The road was nearly
level, smooth and solid, except for oc
casional stretches of Band and out
cropping of lava rock the terror of
the teamster.
He had to make good time. Late as
it was, it would be well into the night
before he reached Red Hole and the
horses there, for. the relay would want
the water before their start across the
desert.
The strong young horses pulled the
eavy tank at a steady pace over the
road, whether good or bad. It rolled
smoothly over the solid gravel,, fur
rowed deep the sand, and crashed
over the rock with a creaking of wood,
rumbling of iron and a mighty splash
ing of water.
A haze of heat huug over the desert,
To Steve the Snake River hills were
smokily indistinct, and the long Bitter
Root Divide was mistily perceptible
It marked the boundary between Idaho
aud Moutaua, and lay iu laud that wait
the resort of rougher characters.
I he dark outline of the divide,
shifting gently in' the shimmer of the
desert, pleasantly suggested to Steve
the shade of spruce aud lulling wator
and indirectly that cool corner stall in
the stage baru. The low sun at his
back threw his long shadow down a
smooth stretch of road; the team had
settled to tho collar; and Steve, yield
ing to that pleasant suggestion, was
soon asleep and driving with a
perilous swaying on the high Beat,
Jolted along thus with danger and
discomfort, the hostler suddenly found
himself nearly pitohed headlong over
the foot-board. The tank had stopped
abruptly. Involuntarily he put his
hand to his eyes. The sun had gono
down, and in the twilight he saw be
fore him three mounted Bannock In
dians.
One, on his pony in the middle of
the road, had stopped the team. The
others sat statuesque in their saddles
at either front wheel, and the voice of
one called in his waking ears, "Water!"
Half-asleep as he was, Steve recog
nized the three onlookers of the morn
ing at Lost River.
"Sure! ho now made reply; and
taking the bucket from the foot-board
at his feet, he leaned back and raised
the irou cap and filled the bucket gen
erously.
The blanketed rider on bis right
reached out, took it, lowered his head
to meet it. and thrust in his mouth
and nostrils like a watering horse,
long and eagerly. With a heaving
sigh he passed the bucket back to
Steve, who handed it to the silent
waiter on his left. He, too, drank
greedily, aud then rode with it to his
compauion, stationed motioniessiy at
the bead of the team.
'Water for pony," again Eaid the
statuesque spokesman at the off wheel
"Not much " returned Steve, who
was used to the always increasing de
mauds of the Indian. "That's against
orders. Fetch that bucket back here
and ride on to Lost River."
"Water for pony!" the man per
sisted.
It struck Steve that bis tone was
strangely mandatory for a Bannock
lie looked more closely at tne speaker.
The man held a rine across his saddle,
and a headless jack-rabbit hung at the
shrunken flank of his pony. His gay,
many-colored blanket, bis brilliant
scarlet flannel leggings, his bleached
and broidered moccasins all were
alike picturesque and proper, and he
had tho feather of a petty chief slant
ing properly from his hat,
The hat was pulled down on bis
head. Indian-fashion, to meet the muff
ling fold of tho blanket below, and on
the face thus partially screened, Steve
saw cneeK-Dones mungiy reuueueu
. n , i I I 11 .1
with ochre.
Still Steve's scrutinizing eyes were
not satisfied. Something was want
ing. The mau turned his head to
beckon to his companion with the
bucket. With his movement his
blanket was thrown from his bhoulder,
aud Steve saw that the two long horsehair-like
braids that invariably bedeck
the shoulders of the Bannock braves
were lacking.
"Water for pony!" again reiterated
this chief with the eagle-feather but
Republican,
PA., WEDNESDAY,
without the braids, while his equally
braidless follower, resuming bis sta
tion at the opposite front wheel, leaned
from the saddle and silently extouded
the bucket to the driver of the tank,
who as silently took it.
The stamp of the horses, restless at
the stoppage, emphasized that instant
of waiting. The dangling toggles on
' i - i
their . straining tugs jangled their
clear suggestion, and Steve gave
one
glanoe before him at the road.
Till up that bucket, young feller 1"
a surprising voice raug out imperiously
at the reat wheel and electrified the
motionless driver of the tank. "And
be quick about it!" added the speaker,
impatient of further sort of disiruise.
as he significantly raised his rifle. His
voice, surely not that of an Indian,
rather thau his action, startled Steve
upright on the foot-board.
'Well, if you're bouud to bave
water," he said, raising the bucket in
seeming fluster, "I reckon I'll have
to Hike!"
With the exploding word the bucket
shot from his hand, well aimed at the
fellow's head. With the word, also,
the tank was jerked nearly from under
him by the forward leap of the team,
and he had a parting vision of a fall
ing rifle, a reeling rider and a startled
pony trampling on a shattered bucket.
The vigilant rider stationed directly I
in the road, a few feet in front of the
team, wheoled to evade the tank's ir-
resistible onset. Quick as he was
with spur aud rein, the iron-ended
tongue caught his wheeling pony in
the Bhoulder, and whirled the two,
sprawling, a rod from the road. Steve,
as the tank bounded past, saw the
horse struggling and the man stretched
in the sagebrush.
From the opposite Bido of the road
behind came the Hash and roar of a
heavy rifle, as the fellow with the
eagle-feather, readier than his com
pauions, took a snap snot at the ven
turesome driver of the tank. The ball,
striking behind the seat, glanced from
the carved iron tuuk aud shrilled over
Steve's shoulder its call to bait.
Unheeding it, Steve grasped the
lines shorter and dropped low ou the
foot-board. His head aud shoulders
thus alone showed ablove the tank,
and iu the lessoning light presented a
moving aud uncertain murk to the
rifles behind.
Stove's action had been in accord
anco with orders. But now, as the
tank bouuded uncheoked over the
desert, he began to see that its stop
page and the demand for water were
only preliminary to a second aud
much more important stoppage and
demand.
The stage with the money for the
mines in its treasure-box would be
along in a few hours, and these pre
tended Bannocks had not huug about
Lost River and trailed across the des
ert simply to shoot jack-rabbits!
They had taken tho cool of the
morniug for it, too, kuowiug well he
would have to pass with the water
tank. Water! that was it they must
havo it. For without water their
horses, famishing now from thirst
after the long wait iu the desert,
would soon be useless.
To obtain water they would Burely
pursue him, but hardly into Red Hole,
where nightly parties of emigrants
and freighters camped.
It was a matter of a few miles. He
had the start. Could he keep it? he
asked himself, gluuciug from his
horses in harness to the horsemen be
hind. Two of them he saw, had dis
mounted aud stood over the third, ly
ing by the road where he had been
thrust by the tongue of the tank.
Hold up, there! one of them
shouted, aud a second rifle-flash lit
up the darkening desert
"These scoundrels can snoot!
thought Steve, "and they ain't got
pop-guns, either.
The heavy ball struck squarely iu
the end of the cylindrical tank and
penetrated the riveted iron head like
so much paper. Iustautly a jet of
water shot out twenty feet behind the
jolting tank.
Steve, glaucing back, saw the waste
of that precious fluid with regret,
With rogret, also, he noticed that the
fellow unhorsod by the onset of the
tank was now able to set up, and was
leaning against a sage-bush. His
two comrades, sparing him no
further time, were mounting, evident
ly to pursue Steve.
Their delay bad given him a start,
but still he was withiu range of their
rifles. TLe bullets pumped from their
magazine guns shrilled by on this side,
on that, and overhead. The team,
frightened by the shots, kept the tank
a bounding target, and shooting from
the saddle at an equally furious pace
behiud, tho desperadoes could not aim
accurately.
Still a shot struck the rear end of
the cylinder, and three jets of water
playing backward were rapidly light
ening the tank of its contents. The
team would soon show the decreasing
weight by their increased speed. The
tank was actually gaining, but its
driver, notwithstanding, looked be
hiud ruefully.
"This sprinkling-cart business has
got to be stopped!" Steve said, seeiug
the spurting jets layiug the dust for
the two coming on behind. "What's
left of this water has got to go to Red
Hole," he said again aloud, thinking
of orders.
The horses, sharers of his excite
ment, were running of their own voli
tion, straight in the road hedged in on
either side by sage-brush.
Steve tied the hues to the projecting
springs of tho seat. Drawing off one
'of his heavy buckskin gloves, he
slashed off its fingers with his knife,
The pieces so cut he placed in his
month so as to leave his band free,
and turning on tho seat he swnng as
tride of the tank.
Utterly unyielding, and smoother
than the sleek sides of any bucking
'cayuse," that ronnded iron body
"pitched" under him. But Steve was
a rider, and regardless of its pitching,
SEPT. 14, 1898.
he bitched himself along with
his
i bauds to the rear end.
Then he grasped the tank tightly
with those rider's legs of his, aud
bending over, twisted a glove-finger
in a ballet-hole, thus changing its
spurt to a trickle.
While he was thus engaged, tne
horses, freed from his governing band,
. . .
broke in their gauop. ine counter
feit liannocks began to gain, anu in
their whoops of exultatiou seemed the
real savages that they counterfeited.
Steve could see them plainly as,
swinging easily in their Baddies, they
refilled the exhausted magazines of
their rifles from their cartridge belts.
The sight lent nimbleness to his
fingers busy with tue uuueiuoies sua
plugs.
The last hole was stopped, and
Steve, clambering back to the Beat,
settled the team once more to steady
speed.
In his haste be Bat exposea on uie
seat; but the riders behind made mm
their target no longer. Riding well
out on either side, they began shoot
ing at the horses.
Thou for the first time Bteve was
alarmed. Should one of the team be
hit and fall, Red Hole would be water
less that night.
Risinir recklessly on the Beat, be
flourished the ends of the long lines
and lashed them over the haunches of
his span.
The tank with its lessened loaa
bounded forward as if it, too, were
alive and mad with excitement. Strik-
ing the down-grade to Red Hole, it
plunged along faster eveu thau tho
horses who flew before it with slack
ened tugs.
Then Steve, exulting, become some
thing of a savage himself. He danced
perilously ou the edge of the tilted
foot-board, whooped iu emulation of
those behind, aud waved his hat K
them iu daring derision.
Their ponies, suffering from want of
water, could not long keep the pace
set by the big, fresh rangers of the
desert. Steve saw them suddenly halt.
They were miles from any water ex
cept that in the evasive tauk. It was
needful for them, now that they were
detected, to retreat quickly to their
mountain refuge. The diBguised scoun
drels must sparo their horses to save
themselves.
Steve saw them Bit, silent and mo
tionless, as they let their horses take
breath. Then wheeling about, they
were lost, like coyotes, in the shadows
of the sage-brush.
Steve then held in his fuming team
to let it cool safely down, aud trundled
easily and triumphantly into Red Hole
several hours ahead of stage time,
The next morning the stage from
Salmon River arrived duly with the
sun at Lost River station, without m
terruption on the way; and not far be
hind it tue empty lanK, returning,
rolled with hollow rumbling. -
It was nearly the middle of the day
when a buckboard drove Into tue sta
tion, and its driver entered the stage
barn as oue who had authority. Steve,
somnolent in the corner stall, felt the
horse-blanket drawn from his face,
Looking up, he saw "the old man."
The Buperinteudent listened in si
lence to what Steve had to tell him,
He reflected a moment with his eyes
fixed on Steve, and then his comment,
if somewhat irrelevant, was exceed
inglv gratifying to the hostler.
"At tho first of the montn I m going
to put on a new six-horse Concord,
he said. "I judge. Steve, you cou
haudle the Btriugs over sixes, and I'll
put you on the box. Youth's Com
panion. WISE WORDS.
Character is the poor man's capital.
No one can rise who slights his
work.
Our ambitions ore as secure as our
merits.
Every good quality carries its own
weight of power.
Ideals are mind-pictures drawn in
the lights and shadows of our best
thoughts.
If we look at the world through the
spectacles of our best thoughts it will
reveal a nobler aspect than it gets
credit for.
We are as great as we are good; as
insignificant as we are self-coucoitod;
as noble as we are truthful, and as re
ligiously beautiful as we are charit
able. Whenever you commend, add your
reasons for doing so; it is this which
distinguishes the approbation of a
man of sense from the flattery of
sycophants and fools.
In every pursuit of life it is the
effort, tho preparation, the discipline,
the earnest labor that makes the
valuable man in every department,
not the mere fact of his occupying
this or that position.
An Absent-Minded Man.
A Waterville physician thinks he is
entitled to the prize for the champion
absent-minded man. Some weeks ago
a womau who lives some miles out of
the city called at his ofllce aud paid a
bill of $10 for professional services.
Recently she came into his ofllce again
aud asked him if ho was always will
ing to rectify mistakes. Of course he
replied that he was, and she thereupon
produced the doctor's check for 110
drawn to her order, all iu due form.
After thinking hard for a moment it
dawned ou the physiciau that when
the woman hud paid him on her pre
vious visit he bad seized his checkbook
instead of his receipt-book. The fill
ing out of tho check embraced about
the same process as the making out of
a receipt, and neither noted the mis
take until the woman chanced to ex
amine the paper at her home. Kenne
boo Journal.
The Lakes Superior, Huron, Erie,
Ontario, and Michigan have au aggre
gate area of 94, 750 square miles, which
is turgor thau the area of Oreat Britain.
$1.00 PER ANNUM.
THE MEERY SIDE OF LIFE
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. "
My Bteed Catching Cold An Alternative
Strategy Her Complaint C'liiiuren-s
Ways-More Than Likely-End of a
Koinanre The Cheerful Presence, Etc.
Be never cares for food at all,
But likes a little grease;
The hallway is his fav'rlte stall
He stables there in peace.
He'd run a week, I rather think,
And never feel a pain;
He'd neither eat, nor sleep a wluk
But I can't stand the ttrulu.
He only has one dread complaint.
But that one makes me weep;
A carpet-tack will make him faint,
A flabby, punctured besot
If "Dick" lived now he would not cry,
"My kingdom for a horse!"
Else folks would say, "The ancient guy -
He means a 'bike,' of course!"
L. A. W. Bulletin.
An Alternative.
"If we
appear together
often
there's sure to be trouble.'
Jack "I say er let's disappear
together." Brooklyn Life.
Her Complaint.
"You shouldn't get cross over a lit
tle thing like that, my dear."
"Well, you never do anything worse
for me to get cross about." Life.
Knd of a Komance.
"I wish I had never met her?"
"Why?"
"I asked her to write to me, and
here's a letter of forty pages." New
York World.
Catching Cold.
Jones "Which travels the fastest,
heat or cold?"
Lones "Heat, of course. You cau
not catch heat, but you cau catch
cold." New York Journal.
Children's Ways.
Ethel "My mamma's going to bo
married again."
Flossie "Is she? I wouldn't allow
my mamma to; if she did I'd tell my
papa." Westminster Review.
Strategy.
get off a
"When
smile."
joke I never
"What is your reason?"
"If nobody Bees the point I can
prove an alibi." Chicago Record,
Store Than Likely.
"Edith, when you accepted
me I
walked on air."
"Well, is that where you got your
idea that we could get married aud
live on air?" Detroii Free Press.
The Cheerful Presence.
"I can't understand how some poo
pie always have a good time wherever
they go."
"That's easy enough; they take it
along with them." Chicago Record.
A New Flay.
Modern Dramatist "I've got an
other order for a new ploy."
Wife "Did the mduager furnish
yon with a plot?"
"Yes er that is, he showed me
all the scenery he had."
Other Years, Other Titles.
"Daughter, who is this Mr. Eugeue
Wadsworth Carrington that is calling
on you bo often?"
"Why, papa, he's the boy we used
to call 'Buster' when he liid next
door. " Chicago Record.
A Pleasure Trip.
First Doctor "I've got to make a
trip out of town to-morrow
Second Doctor "Bv or pleas
ure?" "Both. I'm goin, .ite on a
wealthy patient." Li
lll-Nstured-lteu rk.
"I never saw such a town as yours,"
declared the governor. "Every un
married man there is trying to enlist."
"Dou't blame 'em," responded the
bachelor representative from the
place in ouestion: "tho girls there
have organized a cooking club."
Her Chilly Manner.
"Ah!" he cried, "yosterday you
weloomed me warmly. To-day you
receive me ooldly. What is the caus
of this sudden change?"
"Don't you read the papers?" she
calmly replied. "My father has jus!
inherited a cool million." Chicagc
News.
What He Would Like.
Employer (meeting clerk on the
grand-stuud) "See here, Jenkins!
You told me you would like to get ofl
this afternoon and go to your mother-
in-law's funeral.
Clerk "Y-yes, eir. I would like
to do that first rate; only she isn't
dood." Judge.
A Matter of Words.
"What a pushing fellow that young
Migley isl Six years ago be was
waiter in a cheap restaurant. To-day
he has a governmeut job thut pays
him $7000 a year."
"Pushing, did you say. You've
got the wrong word. Pulling is what
you mean." Chicago News.
Making It Might.
Wife "By the way, Clive, I had
letter from my banker while you were
away. He suid I had overdrawn my
account."
Husband "Yes. dour; and what
did vou do?"
Wife "I told him not to be so
mile atrain and sent him a check for
the amount." Loudon Punch.
A Oontle Hint.
"If I were only a mau," she said,
"we could "
"Possibly we could," he said, "but
the chances are we wouldn't. If you
were a man I wouldn't be here. I'd
be saying nice things to somebody
who wasn't a man."
Sometimes it is worthwhile to think
of euch facts as those. Chicago Post,
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each insert ion.
Marriages and deith notices gratis.
All bills for yeariyadvertiaein-jiiU collected
quarterly Temporary advertisement must
be paid in ad ranee.
Job work caah on delivery.
THE STALKING OF THE SEA WOLVES.
They had come from out of the East
To ravage aud burn and kill;
And tbey stoppod for a moment to rent and
watt
In a landlocked harbor still.
But a grim sea dog there was
Who had stalked them through spray and
foam;
And he came, and he looked, and he smiied,
and said:
"They'll never get home!"
Then another old sea dog came.
And tbey sat them down to wnlt,
Untiring, stern, through long, dry days.
At the harbor's frowning gate.
Under the hot, fierce sun.
Under the still blue dome,
The sea iiox waited und watched and
growled.
"They'll never get home!"
And the wolves camo forth at Inst,
And the grim sea dogs closed in;
And the battle was won, and the Old flag
waved
Where the banner of Spain had been.
The colors of blood aud gold
Hank deep In the churning -foam,
And the sea dogs growled: "We bave kept
our words;
"They'll never get home!"
Cheers for the vow well kept!
To the sea doss twain a toast:
From our land's birth-throes have our sea
dogs been
Our glory, our pride and boast.
Whatever our perils be
In tue unseen years to come.
Our trust is in men like the man who said,
"Tbey 11 never get borne!
Charles W. Thompsou, in New York Sun.
AHUM0R OF THE DAY.
"My dear young lady, do you ever
thiuk of marrying?" "Thiuk! why,
I worry!" Life.
She "The face is au index of the
mind." He "Then your mind must
be made up." Indianapolis Journal.
"How did you feel when you were
ell out to sea?" "I wasn't well
whon I was out to sea." Indianapoli.1
Journal.
Johnny "Say, pop, did you ever
wish you hod lots of boys?" Papa
"xes, my sou; before 1 had you.
Brooklyn Life.
"Mary, is that young man in the
parlor?" "I thiuk he is, sir. Miss
Jennie has hung somethiug over the
keyhole. Life.
"The poem 1 sent in has been re
jected aud lam tirod of life." "Don't
send the next, then take it there
yourself." Brooklyn Life.
"Look mother," cried Teddy, point
ing to a footman iu fashionable livery,
'that niau's got his cuffs around his
legs!" Youth's Compauion.
First Old Soldier "There's some
thing familiar about that woman's
face." Second Old Soldier "That's
bo, I guess it's tho powder."
"I waut to buy a lump." "Yes,
sir; student at o; i waut one or
those 'midnight lumps' thut tho poets
polish poems by." Atluuta Constitu
tion.
"Dickie, how did you happen to
eat the whole pie? "Mamma, I
played you wuz graudma, an' told me
to take all I wanted." Detroit Free
l'ross.
Mr. Cuwker "But how do you
kuow that it is a secret?" Mrs.
Cawker "How do I know? Why,
everybody knows it's a socrei." De
troit Free Press.
Little Elmer "Pa, when is a man
really old?" Piofessor Broadhead
"Whenever be reaches the pjiut
where his ideal woman is ono who is
a good nurse." Puck.
"What freaks one meets iu board
ing houses." "Yes, a lot of them
around at our place have got up a
purse and sent tho landlady off ou a
vacation." Chicago Record.
Mrs. Wilikins "Arthur, you used
to Bay you loved the ground I walked
on." Mr. Wilikius "Yes, I kuo-y I
did. Your father owned all the land
in that viciuity." Chicago Tribune.
"The Spauish army,'.' said the tire
some boarder, "exists largely ou
paper." "Really?" said tho Cheerful
Idiot. "That can hardly be as nutri
tious as mule." Iudiuuupolis Jour
nal. She "What a lovely summer after
noon! How resplendent the blight
orb of day hangs in tho blue vault
above." He "Y-a a-s; nice day for a
feller to get his hair cut!" Roxbury
Gazette.
Messenger "Hurry ovor to the
museum, doctor, the glass-enter is
ill." Doctor "What seems to be the
matter with him?" Messenger
"They say he has a pane in his
stomach." Standard.
Mr. Ferry "You're lucky that
you didu't live iu the duys when I
was a boy." Bobby "I dunno, pop
per. You might have been pretty
good company when- you was a kid."
Cincinnati Euquirer.
Hicks "What do you dowhouyour
neighbors' hens scratch tip your gar
den?" Wicks "Drive them into the
stable aud shut them up until they
havo laid eggs enough to pay me for
tho dumage." Somerville Journal.
Johu "Sullie, ef I was to ask you
if you'd murry me, do you think you'd
Bay yes?" Sailie "I t guess so."
Johu "Wa al, if lever get over this
'ere bushfulnesH I'll ask you some o
thoso times." Leslie's Illustratojl.
Mrs. Peck- -"Henry, when I mar
ried you " Mr. Peck "There, I'm
glad you've made up your mind to
admit it at last." A moment luter the
neighbors saw him running down the
street without hishut. Chicago News.
He "I shall speak to your futlier
to-uig't. How had I better begin? '
She "By calling his attention to the
Btatutes governing assault, mayjiem,
manslaughter aud murder iu the first
degree. Pupa is so impulsive, you
know." Judge.
"1 throw myself at your feet!" ho
cried. She trembled with joy, jet
hesitated. "And you wou't ever throw
soup plates at my head?" she faltered.
For she hud somewhere heard that
men act as differently as possible after
they havo beeu married awlu'e.
Detroit Journal.