Tab Forest Republican
U published inrr Wedaoalay, by
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VOL. XXXI. NO.. 10. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNKSDAY, JUNE 22, 181)8. 1.00 PER ANNUM.
rrobablj the Spaniards are think
iug just now that those "Amorioan
pigs" mast be of the wild boar vari
ety. Massachusetts claims to have more
different kinds of native trocs than
has any kiugiotu of Europe. The
number exceeds fifty, among thorn be
ing nine largo oaks.
It is reported from Spain that onr
navy officers don't wear Books. This
may account to the Spanish mind for
the barbarous ferooity with which
they keep at the work of knocking the
socks of) tho Spanish navy.
A largo part of tho literature of the
world is becoming unintelligible to
this generation through lack of ability
to undorstaud quotations from the
Bible, asserts the Christian Herald.
Allusions to sayings and events which
our fathers would have understood at
a glance now signify nothing to many
readers.
Tho Illinois Central Railroad has
beateu its record, having delivered
I, 000,000 bales of cotton at New
Orleans during the current season of
eight mouths beginning September 1,
1897. The one million and first bale
was presented by Stuyvcsant Fish,
Presidont of the railroad, to Colonel .
II. O. Hester, Secretary of the New
Orleans Cotton Exobauge, and it is to
be disposed of for the benefit of the
poor of the Crescent City.
"The talk about European inter
vention in the Cuban affair and a Con
tinental leaopio against the United
States has a hollow sound," declares
the New York Tribnno, "whon Amer
ican control of food supplies is dem
onstrated so completely. Aiuorica
stands in no dread of a European con
cert in dofenBe of the worm-eaten
Spanish throne, when by withholding
food supplies sho could menace every
Continental State excopt Russia with
bread riots and starvation; nor is it
necessary for Americans to be impor
tunate in their wooing for au Anglo
Saxon alliance. England not only
speaks the same langnago and reads
Shakespeare, but it also livos on
Americau wheat. Self-interest rather
than sentiment is the true basis of an
Anglo-American alliance; in future
bread is more importaut than blood
relationship.".
It has been repeatedly stated in the
past few months that the ships of
nations at war oould not pass through
tho Suez Canal. That was the com
mon belief, and many poople who
prided themselves on the accuracy of
their general information have been
not less coas fused than surprised to
find, on looking the matter np, that
they were entirely mistaken. Tbe
canal is as free except for the little
detail of tolls to the navies of every
nation and at all times as aro the
waters of the open sea itself, and this
has been the case ever sinco 1888.
Early in that year England, Franco
and Turkey agreed on a convention
making the canal a neutral highway,
and a few months later all the powers
gave their acquiescence. The instru
ment explicitly permits the transpor
tation of war material aud ships of war
through the canal, whether peace pre
vails or not, and only prohibits overt
acts, of hostility between or within
three milos of the termiui.
The battleships of modern times aro
a necessity to any great nation which
intends to maintain its rights and pro
tect its interests, believes the Atlanta
Journal, but their cost is heavy. An
outlay of something like $5,000,000 is
required to construct and eqnip a ship
which would take high rank in any
modern navy. After such a ship is
complete the expense of maintaining
it is very heavy. This item for each
of onr big battleships is now abont
$1500 a day even whon they do no fir.
ing. The daily expenses of our navy
are now over $50,000 a day. The total
annual expenses of a first-class battle
ship are estimated at $547,000,divided
as follows:
Pay of officers, crew and marines. .1326,000
Batlons 48,000
Equipment a. 12,000
Navigation charges.... 6,000
Ordnance 18,000
Construction and repairs 13,000
Bteam engineering 32,000
General supplies 14,000
Medicine, surgery, secretary's of
fice and Incidental expenses 78,000
The cost of ammunition used dur
ing an engagement is immense, but it
is of course impossible to estimate
this in calculating the expense of a
navy. Repair to warships, cruisers
and other craft eveu in time of peace
is largo, but after every engagement
it is necessarily immense, even for the
victor. War ou a modern basis is a
terrifio absorber of money, aud thers
never was a time when the importance
of money as a factor in war was any
thing like as great as it is now.
THE DANCER
I never read tbe papers without feeling so
content
That both my eyes are twisted and my
nose Is slightly bent;
I'm glad my mouth Is out of line and that
my teeth are few.
And it I had a "wealth of hair" I don't
know what I'd do.
A "tiny foot" or "Illy band" would All me
. with dismay.
And if I had a Slender waist I'd sicken in a
day;
For I have noticed from tho first, as
strange as It may seem,
The girl who gets the worst .of It Is
"lovely as a dream."
iTHE HEART OP SAVAGERY.
ts. L LlLll J.J.U11U J- Ul' k-i V -.A.lJ -LJJ-Li I s
w -
& A TRAGEDY OF BEACHCOMBERS IN THE FAR $
AWAY SOUTH SEA.
EARL fishers are a
mysterious lot and
the South Sea is
full - ot obscure
tragedies. Recont
events in the Phil
ippines have drawn
attention to them
anew. Tragedy
was often the end
of adventure, and then, too, none but
tho most venturesome or the most
abandoned of white men sought to
live among the wild islanders iu the
days, not so far remote, when the
missionary had not yet introduced his
stncoo churches and taught the na
tives tho price of an axe or a haudful
of ship biscuit. This tale of
ono of the forgotten tragedies is
drawn from au official document on
which forty years of slumbering in a
forgotten pigeonhole has served to
dim the writing and to dull the im
print of the lion aud the unicorn with
which a British Consul made the pa
per official. To write an account of a
murder on sixteen sheets of Govern
ment blue stationery, to attach a Beat
with the royal arms that may pass
sometimes as just the same as aveng
ing it.
Suvarrow is as lonely a group of
desolation as it is possible to find in
that scantily traveled region of. the
South Seas which lies to the eastward
of Samoa and before reaching such
populous centres as Tahiti and Raro
tonga. Other islauds have the pio
turesque features of towering moun
tains, verdure clad to their summit
crags, tho grace of waviug cocoannt
palms fringiug every beach with giant
leaves. Suvarrow is but a ring of
sand bauk skirting a lagoon filled
with coral groves; the only trees, tho
stunted pandanus, set on a gronp of
prop-like roots. Other islauds have
their peopling of brown-skinned folk,
possibly treacherous, and always to
be treated as inferiors by that lovely
creature, the beachcomber of these
seas, yot human in their desire for
gaudy toys and the tinned goods on
which the white man feeds. Suvarrow
is marked ou the charts as uninhab
ited and, therefore, is not a port of
call for the vagrant whaler in his
search for sperm, the trader or the
blackbirder. Yet now and again little
island colonies may bo found on the
bare sands of tbe atoll, for in the la
goon grow the pearl oyster and the
beche-de-mer, which Chinamen eat,
and on the sands great turtles come
to lay their eggs by night. Hence
beachcombers mysteriously wander
ing beyond the confines of civilization
at odd times camp on the bare islets
in search of the wealth of tortoise
shell, pearl shell and trepang the sea
affords. This is the Btory of one such
colony on the desolate atoll of Su
varrow, a tale whose events were com
plete in 1853, but have never yet been
made kuowu beyond the oombers of
South Sea beaches.
In the early months of 1857 Thomas
Charlton, of Martha's Vineyard, a "run
away band from a Nantucket whaler,
was living on the island of Manahiki.
When he was fishing one day in a
cauoe outside the coral reef a sudden
squall carried him and his party of
islanders out of sight of land and left
them adrift and undirected npon the
ocean. South Sea tradition is a mass
of tales of such involuntary voyaging.
With such help as a sailor could get
from dead reckoning and a knowledge
of the set ot the trado winds, Charlton
managed to bring his cauoe to Suvar
row and there established his colony
of gentle Manahikians. In addition
tohiswifeSutnaria, Charlton, of Tamu,
as he was called in tbe liquid speech
of the islands, numberel iu the census
of his settlement on tbe sands eight
souls. Here and his wife Kokorariki
(a Paumotu womau from the far east
ern island away to windward of Tahiti,
and, as the event proved, a shrewd
and conscienceless woman), Kaitai
and his wife, ' and the siugle men
Ngere, Taaran, Voitia, Otea, and
Vaimau. With true Polynesian apatby,
these people made the best they could
of a bad affair, built them honses near
a source of water, and took up the
thread of life where it had been broken
by the squall at Manahiki, scores of
leagues away. There was food on the
inland and water that is enough for a
colony of folk whole need? are simple.
They were destined to live not long
alone. Captain Sam Sustenance was
Bailing those seas in his topsail
schooner Dart. Captain Sustenance
might not be classed among the elect.
He was not a good man, even accord
ing to the standard of these waters,
where the only good thing afloat was
the "society's brig," said society be
ing the London Missionary Society,
which has pioneered tbe South Pacific
since Cook's voyages of discovery.
But Sustenance was such a man as
best suited the early times of sea
trading, enough of a mere merchant
man to satisfy tbe enriosity of the in
frequent naval vessels cruising among
OF BEAUTY.
Tbe papers never tell about a Woman being
shot.
Or mangled by a trolley car, or married to
a sot,
Or forced, at point of pistol, her last fifty
cents to lose,
But that her eyes are "limpid" and her
boots are number twos.
8o I can live In sweet contont, without tbe
slightest fear
That trouble or calamity will ever hover
near
And when I soe my misfit face It's some
relief to know
That I'll outlive the beauties by a hundred
years or sol
Brooklyn Life.
w
the islands for (he sake of the moral
effect, enough of a buccaneer to have
dollars to jinglo on the Circular Quay
iu Sydney before a grand carouse in
the Currency Lass public house. From
end to end of the Paoifio Sam Suste
nance was known by the name of Uru
Uru, which the islanders had given
him. At Penrhyn Island on Angnst
1, 1857, he engaged an English beach
comber, Joe Bird, to superintend the
party of native pearl divers whom be
shipped at the same time. There were
eighteen men and several women in
the party. The Penrhyn folk are
widely different from the gentle aud
timorous Manahikians. Sour and
gloomy at all times, they aro capable
of nourishing agrievance and of bid
ing their time iu a plot to wipe it out.
Two days later Uru-Ura stopped at
Manahiki long enough to take on board
7000 coooanuts for the food of his
divers, and on August 13 he anchored
at Suvarrow.
Acoording to beachcomber's law of
might is right, Sustenance and Joe
Bird with a fighting orew at their back,
with a score of fierce Penrhyn Island
ers, were able to decree that Tamu and
his handful of mild Manahikians should
confine themselves to one islet and
leave the rest of the atoll to the pearl
divers. Still more company was com
ing. Within a month or six weeks tbe
schooner Tickler, Thomas F. Martin,
master, visited Suvarrow and landed
Jules Tirel, a Frenchman, who was
known to tbe islanders as Jules Farani,
or French Jules. In October of the
same year Sustonance revisited his
pearling station and found little shell
as yet collected. It is likely that ho
gave forcible expression to his disap
pointment, but be that as it may, the
main feature is that the three beach
combers were then there with the two
native settlements of Manahikians and
Penrhyn peoplo aud that all was well.
In April, 1859, the brig Charlotte
touched at Suvarrow and two of the
Manahiki boys, Otea and Vaimau,
went ou her to Samoa. Neither on
the voyage nor at Apia did they men
tion any white men as having been
with them on Suvarrow, and the mas
ter of the Charlotte knew nothing of
the former actions of Sustenance.
That trader again visited Suvarrow
on June 15, ten months after estab
lishing his diviug station and eight
months after his last visit. As he
stood np for the passage through the
coral reef first one and then a second
canoe filled with Penryhn Islanders
boarded the Dart with mauy expres
sions of pleasure that they once more
saw their friend Uru-Uru, for the three
beachoombers had long ago takou their
boat and sailed away westward to Sam
oa. Knowing the wild roving fever
which drives the beachcomber hither
and yon, back and forth through the
South Seas, and their recklessness of
the chances of voyaging, Sustenance
saw nothing unusual in the thought of
three men' setting out in a small boat
for au ocean voyage of hundreds of
miles. His two mates suggested the
possibility of foul play, but he pooh
hoohed their suspicions. At any rate
the Penrhyn Islanders told a consis
tent Btory.
On landing, Sustenance metjthe Pau
motu womau, Kokorariki, wife of the
Manahikian Here. Her story was to
the effect that in February the three
beachcombers had pain ted the boat and
made a new sail. They had taken the
small cask filled with drinking water
and a large supply of dried eggs of the
sea fowl which swarm on the islauds,
together with a variety of food in the
shape of fresh and baked cocoauuts.
The boat had been leaky, but was tight
after the new painting. They had
sailed away to the west and before
sundown were out of sight. As they
had left their wives behind, she was
sure that they intended to take ship
in Samoa and go to their own lands
beyond the horizon. They had taken
all their trade goods except one bolt
of printed goods which they had
divided among the Penrhyn divers.
For a savage this woman seems to
have had a genius for lying. The
other people agreed with her account,
and the island, when carefully
searched, yielded no indication in the
way of goods or stores that tho woman
had told other than the truth. For
the following fortnight the Manahi
kiaus and the Penrhyns were on the
Dart on the homeward voyage back to
Penrhyn, and not a word or a sign
gave reason to suspect that the story
was false.
Some weeks later Sustenance
touched iu the courso of trade at Rak
abauga, and there again encountered
the womau Kokorariki. She asked at
once if he had heard of Joe and Tamu.
Apparently much concerned when she
heard that they had not reached
Samoa, she asked in what direction
Pukapuka bore, and when the ship
master pointed down to the west, she
seemed much relieved, and suggested
that the beachcombers had probably
reached that island.
Yet in her original story and in this
renewed interest iu the voyage of the
beachcombers Kokorariki was but
playing a leading part in a tissue
of fabrication which was sufficiently
good to deceive Sustenanco, and it
may be said that it is by no means
easy to pull the wool over the eyes of
a South Sea trader.
The three beachcombers had been
murdered on Suvarrow in the presence
of this womau and every other person
on the island, and Kokorariki herself
had planned the consistent story
which had cleared them all from sus
picion. The story came out by the
confession of tbe wife of Tamu, that
is, Tom Charlton, the American, which
she made to Tairi, the native mission
ary teacher on Rakahanga.
For some time after the last visit
which Susteuance made at Suvarrow
the people busied themselves about
their several occupations. Tamu and
bis Manahikians fished and cured the
beche-de-mer, Joo aud the Penrhyn
Islanders worked at the beds of pearl
shell, and Jules seems to have diver
sified his chief occupation of doing
nothing by spells of watching the
others at work. He was well liked
by the inlanders. So was Charlton.
But Joe Bird acted as the superior be
ing is bo apt to do when living among
the islanders. A common threat when
any of his divers proved refractory
was that he would cut them in two
aud would eat their livers, and when
one is a cannibal such a threat does
not seem as improbable as it might ap
pear in other conditions of life. Often
he deprived his divers of their rations
aud water when their take of shell
was not np to the amount he fixed for
a day's task. The divers plotted to
tako their revenge upon him, and saw
clearly that they must make away
with the other white men at the same
time.
The opportunity came early one
morning. Joe Bird missed some co
coanuts from his pit. He went first
to Tom Carlton's and questioned the
Manahikians as to the theft. This
was no more than a matter of form,
for no one would ever suspect a
Manahikian of theft. Receiving their
denial in good part Joe took his guu
and sword and strolled over to the
quarters of his divers. Tho various
people on the island were engaged in
various concerns. Kokorariki was
cooking a bird for breakfast. Here's
wife was attending her sick husband
at lomilomi, the effective South Sea
massage; the other Manahikians had
just started out after becho-de-mer.
Tom, with pistol and sword, hurried
after Joe Bird and after him came
Jules Farani with a sword. Arrived
at the honses of the divers Joe cbargd
their head man, Taugiora, with steal
ing the cocoanuts and fired the gun
over his head. Theu he grappled
with Taugiora and . called to Tom for
help. Tom ran up aud got hold of
Taugiora's baud aud snapped his pis
tol at him. It missed fire and he re
capped it, taking tho fresh cap from
a little chamber iu the butt of the
weapon. As he aimed a second time
a savage named Maori caught him by
the band, whereupou Tom knocked
him down by a blow in the eye. But
as he fell Maori caught Tom by the
feet and threw him with the assist
ance of Tangiora, and these two then
disarmed him and tied his hands and
feet. Meanwhile a savage named
Itapahua seized Joe Bird and throw
him down, and with the help of Tang
ioro Innhed his hands. Farani bad
no firearms,' but he came on a run
with his sword at Matahu. The lat
ter with the aid of Popokia and Na
toto, tied the Freuchman up like his
mates. The three beachcombers wore
then thrown into their boat and word
was sent to four other Penrhyns
wbo were fishing on the other sido to
come and row tho boat.
Tom's wifo Sumaria, came running
to Here's house shouting, "O nga
ropa, O nga ropa, good peoplo, they
are killing the white men for they are
taking them away in tbe boat." Tom's
wife, Kokorariki, and Kaitai's wife,
a'l hastened to tbe boat. Here Su
maria and Kaitai's wife had already
cast off the lashings from Tom's
wrists and ankles, when Rapa
hua aimed a gun at the women aud
forced them to desist. Tom, appar
ently thinking that they were so be
set on one ot the islets across the
lagoon, then bade Kaitai's wife to call
the Manahikians to launch his boat.
This the Penrhyns prevented with
guns and swords, aud, the four row
ers by this time having come across,
they pulled the boat out into the la
goon. Tom was seated on the gun
wale and the other two were- lying
under the thwarts. Joe Bird begged
his captors for mercy and offered all
he had if only his' life might be
spared.
But Tom bade him not to be a child,
for it was now too late, aud ho himself
had brought this fate upon himself
and his companions. At the deepest
part of the lagoon the Penrhyns hove
Joo Bird overboard first, and he sank
right to the bottom. Tom was the
next to go, and he, too, went down
like a stone. But tbe Frenchman rose
alongside the boat, aud Powhatu cut
bis bead open with a sword. Then the
French mau sank to join his mates in
the quiet depths of the lagoon.
Now that the deed was dono the
shrewdness and facile invention of the
Paumotu woman, Kokorariki, stood
the party in good stead. Left to their
own simple devices they would have
shared out the goods of the murdered
white men, and their detection would
have been certain. She it was who
sot the scene and concocted the story
so well as to deceive Captain Sus
tenance. She had the boat burned
aud the metal work sunk in the la
goon, and the property of the white
men was in like manner destroyed, all
but the single bolt of cheap cloth dis
tiibuted to the divers. That was a
stroke of genuine art. It would be
such a natural thing for Joe Bird to
do if he were sailing away that it car-!
ried proof in itself. The money was
almost all in her possession, but she
had a long series of unwritteu ac
counts by which it was made to seem
the wages of the Penrhyn Islanders
acquired by her in the way of trade.
With these confessions set out iu
full the original document ends. A
careful 'search of the records shows no
indication that any attempt was made
to punish the murderers. Three men
had died in the early morning in the
lagoon of a little visited atoll in t ie
wild South Seas, but they were only
beachcombers, and their loss was not
grievously felt by the world of civili
zation they had voluntarily cast off in
order to plunge into the heart of sav
agery, a wild, a sudden, a cruel heart.
How such a murder was regarded
by a man who was living the same life
aud was exposed to the same chances
is naively shown in the concluding
words of the deposition of Captain
Sustenance: "There did not appear
to have been any serious quarrel,
neither should I judge the natives to
have been much excited. I should in
fer that it must have been talked of
long before and probably accelerated
by the gun unhappily discharged over
instead of into the head of Taugiroa."
New York Sun.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL
The steam engine is covered by
8237 patents.
One-quarter of all the people born
die before six years, and one-half be
fore they are sixteen.
Microbes are so minute that 250,
000,000 can bo comfortably accommo
dated on a penny postage stamp.
There are three times as many
muscles in the tail of the cat as there
are in the human hands and wrists.
The expenses for the electrio un
derground road now being built in
London have so far amounted to $8,
000,000. There are now forty-five match fac
tories in Japan, employing an average
of nearly 9000 operatives a day. Their
exports last year reached a value of $1,
706,012. No parental caro ever falls to tho
lot of a single member of the insect
tribe. In general, the eggs of an in
sect are destined to be hatched long
after the parents are dead, so that
most insects are born orphans.
Iu Russia eleven laboratories aro
engaged in tho manufacture of diph
theria serum, in whioh the entire peo
ple place great confidence, and not
without reason, as in 44,631 regis
tered cases in which the serum was
used the death rate was but fonrteeu
per cent, against thirty-four per cent,
of the 6507 cases in which it was not
employed.
It has been suggested that as ice at
only twelve degrees below freezing
has a specific insulation of over one
thousand megohms, it might be possi
ble to have hollow conductors which
could be placed in a trench filled with
water and used to oarry brine for pur
poses of ice making and refrigeration.
Tbe frozen water would act as the in
sulator, and calculations have been
made showing that the arrangement is
feasible on a commercial scale.
The consensus of opinion regarding
tho origin of the migration of birds is
that it began during the glacial period.
Tbe earth being then covered at
either end with a cap of ice, all life
was confined to a belt in tbe centre;
but thj ice receded a little at certain
seasons, leaving an uninhabited space
that afforded the quiet and seclusion
that all the higher animals seek dur
ingjtbe breeding period. The birds
went there accordingly to rear their
young, and, as the ice recedod fur
ther and further, they migrated fur
ther and further.
llusalan Bluejacket. Eat Tallow Candle.
"To most people," says the Hong
Kong (China) Telegraph, "a tallow
caudle appears more iu tbe way of a
necessity than a luxury, but tho Rus
sian bluejackets who are enjoying
shore leave just now from the Rossia
and the Admiral Nakimoff appear to find
in assimilating caudles of Chinese
make as much gusto as an English
child would have in eating a sugar
stick. The other day a party of stal
wart Muscovite bluejackets were to be
seen going along Queen's Road, and
tbe avidity with which they polished
off joss candles was a sight for the
gods. Some of the men, who were
evidently petty officers, elected to dine
off candles as thick au one's arm
regular No. 1 joss pidgin arrange
ments and streams of grease trickled
from the corners of each man's mouth. "
A large Family.
In the Basler Jura, on tho slope of
Mount Terrible, is a small village
called Montavon. The government of
the place is conducted by a President,
Vice-President, threo Councilors or
Aldermen, Communal Steward, Com
munal Clerk and Communal Sergeant.
The President's name is Joseph Mon
tavon; the Vice-President, Victor Mon
tavon; the Steward, George Monta
von ; the Clerk, Joseph Montavon ; the
Sergeant, Karl Montavon, and the
three Councilors, Putor, Julius and
Ernst Montavon. This curious cir
cumstance arises from tbe fact that
everybody in tbe place bears tbe name
of Montavon. It is the name of a fam
ily so large that it has been vested
with town rights by the Swiss govern
ment. New Treatment For lTi-iln.
A new treatment for dyspepsia is a
Japanese fish diet, in which tbe chief
articles of food are fish, rice, eggs
and oysters. The dishes are said to
be numberless. One is a baked pud
ding, made of flakes of fish, boiled
rice, eggs and seasoning. Another is
a raw fish salad; a third, raw fish
pickled; a fourth, is the meat of fish
pounded into a paste with butter,
vinegar, sai, white and cayenne pep
pers. All are said to be appetizing
and nutritious to a high degree.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
The TrjM itntlier flplteral Ills Artfut
nrsa Awfnlly Mean How a Hashful
Man fiot a Wife Practical Wisdom
Complete In Every Ilctall. Etc., Etc
She stood nt the gate in the twilight
Tho lover's favorite hour.
And calmly waited Ills coming,
His coming to her bower.
Crown were her eyes and most patient,
Patient and gentle were they,
And her dark red hair seemed darker still
In the fast receding day.
About her nil nature lay iiiiet.
No sound broke the solemn hour,
And flowing oVr all were the crimson rays
Of the sunthe King ot foww.
Klss'd by the rays of the dying sun
As the zephyrs kiss tho bud.
She sees approach a man with a pail
While sho calmly chews her end.
The Cornell Widow.
Rattier Spiteful.
May "This hat makes mo look
older."
Kate "It's wonderful what tho
milliners cau do these days."
Ills Artfulness.
"Your husband is so amiable."
"Yes, ho acts that way iu public,
so peoplo will think tbe baby takes
after mo." Chicago Record.
How She 1H1 It,
"My wife got me into on awful
scrape this morning."
"How?"
"She'd been using my razor to
sharpen a lead pencil."
Complete In Every Detail.
Nodd "You don't mean to say you
have already finished your country
house I"
Todd "Finished it! Why, I have
boen trying to sell it for the past threo
weeks."
Practical Wisdom.
Mr. Billns "Confound the collar
button!"
Mrs. Billus "Never mind looking
for it, John. Turn out the gas, walk
around a littlo in your baro feet and
you'll find it.
Spain's Submarine IJoats at Manila.
"I noticed some time ago that Spain
had a torpedo boat that would stay
under water for hours?"
"Spain has boats that will stay un
der the water forever." Cleveland
riain Dealer.
A Doubtful Meaning.
"Sir," said the stranger, "I am au
artist."
"So?" queried the other. "What
sort? Razor, fiddle, brush, snow
shovel, bar, pugilistio or stage?"
New York World.
How a Hash fill Man Got n Wife.
"Blusher is the most bashful man I
ever knew."
"How on earth, then, did he come
to get married?"
"He was too bashful to refuse."
Boston Traveler.
Tenement House Humor.
Jimmy "Soy, pn, they won't bo no
more plaster falling from the hallway
veiling."
Pa "Why, Jimmy?"
Jimmy "'Cause they ain't no more
(eft." New York World.
The Advice of Experience.
Edith "O Ethel, what shall I do?
Jack says he supposes it's all over be
tween ns and that ho'll send my pres
ents back."
Ethel (experienced) "Tell him to
bring them. " Brooklyn Lifo.
Awfully Mean.
The Thin Clirl-"Oh, Ethel! Jack
soys that you look just like a full
blown "
The Fat Ono (interrupting)
"Rose."
The Thin Ouo- "No tire."
A flood Job Coining.
Jeweller "How was your boy
pleased with tho watch I sold you?"
Fond Father "Very well, sir. Ho
isn't ready to have it put together yet;
but bo patient, I'll send him around
with it in a dny or two." Jeweller's
Weekly.
Futile.
"Spain has no chance to win in this
fight," said Mr. Manchester to Mr.
Northsido.
"Of course not," replied Mr. North
side. "A notion of mandolin players
has no business to contend with a na
tion of machinists." rittsburg Chron
icle Telegraph.
An Indiana Pnrist.
One of the New Proprietors
"Shall we put out a sign, 'This placo
hns changed bauds?' "
The Other New Proprietor "No.
It hasn't changed hands. We have all
the old help, hnven't we? Hang out
a sign that it has changed heads."
Indianapolis Journal.
Not I'sed to FriiKlte M are.
Mrs. Housewife "Bridget, that is
the seventh piece of china that you
havo brokeu within the last two
days."
Bridget "I know it, mum. At tbe
last place whero I wor-rked tho folks
nover ate off of nnnytbing but goold
and silver." Somcrville Journal.
A Hreaiu or Happiness.
Her eyes glistened.
"And vou have bronchi SIO.OOO..
00(1 in nuggets back with youi" sho
exclaimed, scarce ahlo to belicvo her
own senses, unsupported, as they
were, except by her husband's words.
"See!" he answered, and ho pro
duced tbe freight receipts aud the
newspaper interviews.
"And we cau livo in New York?"
she faltered, clasping her bunds.
"Ay, love, and be descended from
kings!" he cried exultiugly. Detroit
Journal.
THE SHIR.-
A ship galled from tbe port,
Another port to find,
To be the ocean's sport,
A plnythiug to the wind.
In merry mood the crew
Unfurled the driving sail,
And gayly on they Hew
Uefore the freshening gale.
The fading land behind.
The shoreless sea beforo;
No track clearly defined
Toward the wi'h-for shore.
All lighted by the day.
Kushroudod In the night.
The ship snils far away,
Yet lingers In the sight.
And whether soon or late
'f is anchored by the shore,
Still, In the hearts that wait,
The ship sails evermore
Alfred Lavington.
HUMOROF THE DAY.
Some persons are proud of their
blood, but it's all in vein.
On opening the front door you find
tho hall stairs in your face.
A girl whoso dress is a "perfect
dream" is always awake to the fact.
A carpeuter may believe in maxims,
but he doesn't always trust an old
saw.
They don't furnish cats aud dogs
with caudal appendages at a retail
store.
He "I'm not myself to-night."
She "Thou how dare you speak to
me, sir, without au introduction?"
Chicago News.
She "Don't you think it is danger
ous to cat mushrooms?" He "Not
a bit of dauger iu it. The danger ia
in eating toadstools."
"What made you so anxious to in
troduce Higby and Digby?" "Higby
tells war stories and Digby tells fish
stories." New York Journal.
"Does young Mr. Slimmius shinein
society?" asked a youug womau.
"Some," replied Miss Cayenne; "es
pecially about the coat sleeves."
"Seems to me you didn't thump
quite so hard as usual at the concert
lastnight. Weren't you well?" "Oh,
yes; but it was my own piauo, you
Bee."
Hicks "Nobbins seems to be hold
ing up his head of late." Wicks
"Yos; it probably comes of reading
newspaper bulletins." Boston Tran
script. Dawdlor "Snithers writes poetry
for magazines." Dofton "Is tha'
so? How many magazines do they
give him for each poem?" Roxbury
Gazette.
Fiddler "Ifes, Boston has turned
out a great mauy musiciuus yours
truly among tho number." Quiz
"Well, how cau you blamo her?"
Brooklyn Lifo.
Half tho world doesn't know how
the other half liveB; but if it could be
convinced that such knowledge was
none of its business, it would try
mighty hard to liud out. Puck.
Lecture (iu museum) "Yes, la
dies and gents, thero are freaks and
freaks, but this man stands alone."
Spectator "If he'll stand a loan of
fivo dollars, I'll divide with you."
"The young woman yon are en
gaged to is very fascinating, I under
stand?" "Fascinating? I had to
stassl in line seven hours to get to
propose to her." Chicago Record.
An old lady refused tho gift of a
load of wood from a tree struck by
lightning, through fear that some of
the "fluid" might remain in the wood,
and cause disaster to her kitchen stove.
Mendicant Michael "Shnre, ma'am
I've got siviu small cbildreu at home,
all nnderfive." Mrs. Skinner "Sev
en children! Any twins?" Mendi
cant Michael "All twins." Tit-Bits.
First Tramp "I hear they are
building a new jail, with all modern
improvements." Second Tramp
"That won't do no good. You'll need
a pull to get in there." Fliegende
Blaetter.
She "I am not up in tho language
of flowers. What did that bunch of
jacqueminots meau that you sent me?"
He "I don't got tho translation from
the florist nutil the end of the month."
Tho Manhattan.
Bacon "Is that man Criiusonbeak
in favor of war?" Egbert "No, in
deod! Every night he's out late he
takes home oysters or something ti
bis wife. I think he's for peace at any
price." Youkers Statesman.
"My son," said tbe aged politician,
"it is better, especially wheu you are
talkiug about the enemies in your own
party, to uso only soft and honeyed
words. They aro much easier to eat,
should occasion arise." Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Sagasta "Well, Your Majesty, we
have ono hope left. The rainy season
is about to begin iu Cuba." Tho
Queen Regent "A.', senor, it looks
to me very much as if the reigny sea
son was about to cud there." Cleve
land Leader.
The Sarcastic Parent "And yon
want my daughter for herself alone?"
said the sarcastic old millionaire.
"Y-yes, sir." "Well, my boy, I'll do
bettor by you thau that. I'll throw in
tho clothes she wears, too." Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
"Why is it, I wonder," mused Sa
gasta, "thut those Americans are such
dead shots?" "It must be their prac
tice nt the national game," suggested
Gullou. "I've heard considerable
about their putting the bull right over
the plate." Philadelphia North
American.
"Tu," began little Clarenco, after
short season of silence, "a Chinaman
" "Yes, my sou," broke iu Mr.
Cullipers hastily; "a Chinaman does
many things which seem to us very
peculiar." "Yes, I know, pa; but
what 1 was going to ask you was,
isn't it easier for a camel to get
through tbe eye of a needle than for
a Chinaman to get through his ueeJ
for au idol '"Judge.