.' .
' ' Vrebyt 1
t Republican,
Tne Forest Republican
b pabllshed tvery Wedaoaday, by
J. C. VVENK. .
Offlca la Smearbaujrh & C&'t Buildinj
, ILM BTBEET, TIONESTA, PA.
Terms. 9 1.OO Per Year.
Ha subscriptions received for a shorter
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Correspondent solioltei from all pirtl of
tb country. No Botloe will be takes ot
anonymous oointnaalaatlooj.
RATES OF AOVERTl..
For
Oaesaasre. One men. one Uuertkm..! 100
vw cijiur uiw loco, pap raaota. . tuu
une truar, ooe Inch, turee montba. . ft no
One Square, one inch, ooe year..... 10 Ou
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Quarter Column, one year...., . 9)00
Half Column, ooe year 90 00
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Iieftal advertisements tea eenU per liae
each insertion.
Al images and death notices rratli.
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quarterly Temporary advertisements muet
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VOL. XXXI. NO. 7. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY. JUNE 1, 1898. S1.00 PER ANNUM.
The Attorney-General of Colorado
Las decided that no law in that Stat
requires a woman upon marriage to as
nine her husband's name; indeed, he
thinks that, in visur of the adveut ot
women as office-holders, it is prefera
ble, under certain circumstances, for
a married woma i t? hold on to her
maiden name.
Travel on the Ealwayo Railroad is
exciting. The Shashi River recently
rose four feet abovo the bridge tracks,
bo that engines oauld not cross. A
train was male up as long as the
width of the rircr, pushed across by
one engine, and takeu up on the other
side by another. Soon after the
bridge was washed a.vsy.
The salaries of Oovernors of Terri
tories are not regulated by the impor
tance of the latter in respect to pop
ulation or the publio revenues. The
Governor of Arizona resoives $3500 a
year. The population of that Terri
tory was 59.00J by the last Federal
census. The Governor of New Mex
ico, the population of which was in
exoess of 150,000, gets $ 3600. The
Governor of Alaska receives $3000.
The Governor of Indian Territory
gets $1500, while the Governor of Ok
lahoma (which was taken from the In
dian Territory), gets $2000.
A woman in Faris has conferred
a boon on humanity in the discovery
of a new science called "LinguiBtot
ogio." This is nothing more thau the
delineation of character from the
shape of the tongue. A. big tongue
indicates frankness, a long tongue,
generous feelings; a short one, dis
simulation; a narrow tongue, concen
tration of ideas. Long and broad
tongues indicate fondness for talk;
short and broad ones, equal capacity
to talk but not to speak the troth;
while those that are short and narrow
show an unmistakable tendency to
Machiavellian lying.
Young women who assume tho title
of bachelor are considered especially
modern. Yet the term was applied
customarily to them in the time o'
"rare Ben Jonson." The poet him
self so used it in his plays. Bachelor
is derived from the Welsh word bach,
which moans small, little, young.
The kindred Welsh word baohes
means a pretty little woman. There
fore the brisk bachelor maids of to
day do not ape their brothers, but go
daintily tripping down the centuries
in the footprints of those fair bach
elors who coquetted with tho gallants
of the Elizabeth court.
Georgia has goue successfully into
stock-raising, aud the industry has in
creased rapidly. During the last
eight months the farmers of the south
western part of the State have shipped
65,000 head to Texas and the Indian
Territory, getting from $10 to $12 a
head for them, whioh is considered a
remunerative price iu comparison
with that of other farm products.
The Atlauta Constitution says that
efforts are now being made to obtain
direct communication with the mar
kets of the North and East, thus sav
ing to the Georgia farmers the profit
now gained on their shipments by the
Western cattlemen. It is said that
cattle can be fattened about as cheaply
in Georgia as in the Indian Territory.
The consolidation of New York mado
no radical difference in the ratio
naturalized voters bear to the native
born, says the Sun. Relatively, it is
true, there are fewer naturalized voters
in Kings County than in New York,
and fewer in Richmond County than
in that part of Queens whioh inoludes
Long Island City, and which was con
solidated with New York on the 1st of
January, but the differences are not
great A clear majority of the male
inhabitants of voting age of New York
are foreign born, as the last national
census showed: New York, native
white male 170,997, foreign white
mate 266,747; Kings, native white
male 115,192, foreign white male 117,
176;ilichmond, native white male
8275, foreign white male 6802; Queens
(whole county), native white male 19,.
818, foreign white male 16,699. One
curious result of the consolidation of
the three cities is that the present city
administration is, more largely perhaps
than any of its predecessors in recent
years, under the direction of native
born citizens, while the representa
tives of "cosmopolitan New York" are
few and far between. Mayor Van
Wyck is a New York boy, born and
reared in this city, and dating back
his local ancestry to 1650. Comptrol
ler Coler is a native of Champaign,
111. Borough President Peters, the
District Attorney of New York County,
Colonel Gardiner, Borough President
Grout of Brooklyn, and tho executive
4jada of departments generally are
-vborn official
MEMORIAL DAY.
The dead who full when war was rife
Arose and passed, a mighty legion.
Into tbe mystlo other life,
The neighboring apaoe bound spirit
region.
o inaccessible it stems,
Hut those who dwell in that fair "yonder"
Build lovely airships ot our dreams
And buck to enrtu at nigiiiume wanaer.
Full oft the;- sneak to us through space.
Lite ia so rude we do not hear them. '
We think them In a fnrofT place
Nor know we lire and labor near them.
But w'lon the yenr grows sweet and gny
With singing birds and floral beauties
The dead men take a holiday
And leavH tbelr heavenly homes and
duties.
They call in voices memory knows: '
"Come, drop awhile your sordid labors,
Forget the earth and all its woes
And live with us, your spirit neighbors.
Taste the one pleasure that endures
8eronlty-nnd cease from worry.
Let thoughts of other realms than yours
Arrest you In your aimless hurry.
"What use is all this stress and strain
For lofty place or henplng measures?
Let go your thoughts of power and gain
And think on death and all its pleasures.
The path you tread Is for a night.
The road we go leads on forever.
To battle boldly for tbe right
Should be tbe whole ot man's endeavor.
"And think how soon you will be dust,
Ho brief the humau life at longest.
Be ealm, be faithful and be just.
The patient soul Is always strongest.
And flowers of fragrant thoughts and
deeds
To suffering follow mortals proffer.
The living, not the dead, man needs
The choicest gifts your heart can offer.
'Let every blossom on a tomb
But typify some kindly action
Which brightens up a life ot gloom
And lends yonr own soul satisfaction."
Tis thus on Decoration day.
When love and memory go walking
Along tbe blooming fields of May,
I seem to bear tho dead men talking.
Ella Wheeler Wilcoi.
)90003000OO0OO00000OO0O0O
TORT Or A SOLDIIB'S SR1YB.
300000000000000 i'OOOCOOOCO
T was Decora
tion Dar, and
Miss Elizabeth
Downes found
herself in Lon
don far away
from her home
aud the graves of
her forefathers.
Now, Bessie
Downes had ob
served Decora
tion Day ever
since she was
a little toddler
in the Boston suburb which gave her
birth. Little wonder was it that she
should have done so; for not only had
her father fought gallantly for the
Federal cause in the war, but no less
than fonr of her uncles, and whole
dozens of cousins to boot, were among
those whose names are enshrined as
defenders of the Union.
Consequently no one need feel sur
prised at learning fhat Bessie felt a
pang of homesickness when she awoke
in unsympathetic London on this
particular Decoration Day. Outside
in the prim Bloomsbury street, where
she was staying with her friends the
Malcolms she heard none of the
noise and bustle which would assur
edly have greeted her in Roxbnry,
Mass. Her engagement tablets bote
no records of coming visits to ceme
tery or mausoleum, where warrior
dead repose. The simperiug maid
who brought np her coffee had prob
ably never even heard of Decoration
Day!
"It's shame," said Bessie, stir
ring the coffee viciously. "General
Downes' only daughter unable to lay
even a single flower-on some soldier's
grave and this Decoration Day!
And surely there must be lots of
Union soldiers bnried in the London
cemeteries."
This last reflection inspired her.
She pulled the bell-rope sturdily, re
calling the simpering domestic.
"I want a cablegram sent instantly
to my father General Downes' she
said. The servant did not even look
surprised. Already this quiet Blooms
bury household was growing nsed to
the whims of Bessie Downes, million
aire's heiress and spoiled child of for
tune. Within fifteen minutes the
message was on its way to the nearest
office where cablegrams are received,
and in five minutes more a puzzled
clerk was spelling out these words:
"General John Downes, Boxbury, Mass.:
Are any ot my soldier cousins buried In
London?" "Bissn."
Whatever General Downes may
have thought regarding this very ex
pensive method of seeking informa
tion, he answered promptly enough.
Before noon Bessie, received the re
ply: "Cousin llandolph Carroll, Kensal Green."
The patriotic Miss Downes was de
lighted. "How good of the dear old
pater!" she cried, to amused Mrs.
Malcolm, over their early lunch
(early, because of the trip to Kensal
Green cemetery, determined on the
moment the cablegram arrived).
"And oh, how delightful to find one
of my own kin buried here one, who
in addition to his kinship, was a loyal
Boldier of the union.
After luuch, tho Malcolms' carriage
took them to a florist's, where Bessie
purchased wreaths and immortelles
for the grave of her warrior relative.
When Columbia Chants the
Then it was ho! for Kensal Green
that quiet old world, "God's Aore,"
so different from all of the American
burial places with which Bessie was
acquainted. There was some difficulty
at first iu finding the grave of Ran
dolph Carroll, but Bessie's pretty face
smoothed matters wonderfully, and
the location was soon determined.
Mr. Maloolin being tired, remained in
the sexton's lodge; while that digni
fied old person escorted Bessie and
her wreaths to the tomb. Randolph
Carroll's grave was surmounted by a
very plain piece of block marble, upon
which was the inscription:
"Here lies the body of Captain Ran
dolph Lee Carroll, soldier and gentle
man, a credit to his native country,
the United States of America."
A great wave of enthusiasm surged
through the impressionable being of
this little New England maid, as one
by one she took her commemorative
flowers from the sexton and laid them
aronnd the tomb. Then she laid her
gloveless hand caressingly upon the
exiled soldier's name looking as
thongh she would have liked to kiss it
and silently turned away. The
tactful sexton said naught; and the
two passed slowly down the path.
Suddenly, however, Bessie remem
bered that the best of all her me
morials, the little "Stars and Stripes,"
brought all the way from New York,
still remained in her hand. Bidding
the sexton wait for her, she qnickly
retraced her steps to Captain Carroll's
grave.
But another person had reached the
flower-bedecked marble before her,
and now stood regarding the wealth of
decorations with evident astonishm ent.
This was a yonng man good enough
to look upon, and possessed of that
attractive litheness. which told Bessie
instantly that she was not looking at
a Briton, but at one of her own coun
trymen. He, too, carried a wreath;
but it was, thongh a charming wreath,
a very simple and unpretentious one.
"Dear me!" said Bessie, regretfully,
startling the yonng man, who had not
heard her coming. "Dear me! I'm
afraid that I haven't left you an inch
of space for your flowers."
He looked at her curiously for a
moment.
"It was you, then, that decorated
the grave?" he said.
"Yes; it was I," answered Bessie.
"You see I found myself so far away
from America; and then it was Dec
oration day."
"Decoration day?" repeated the
young man, inqniringly.
"Yes Decoration day. Is it possi
ble yon don't know what that is? And
you're an American!"
"Yes, I am certainly an American.
But I have lived for years in London,
and my memory has been blunted.
Now I remember that Decoration day
is a sort of memorial festival for dead
northern soldiers."
"Of course. And so, you see, I
drove out here to lay a few flowers on
the tomb of this gallant fellow."
A grim smile rests for a moment on
the young man's face.
"I fancy that you have made a mis
take," he said. "The man buried
here was not a federal soldier. Capt.
Randolph Carroll fought for the south.
Bessie gasped. Had she been show
ering her immortelles upon the grave
of a confederate one of those "Johnny
Bebs" whom her training and associa-
tiona had taught her to abhor. And
THE SACRED THIRTIETH DAY
Praises and Decorates the
this on Decoration day the special
day devoted to honoring the north and
its patriot dead!"
"Surely!" she cried, "that cannot
be so. Why, I have my fath
er's telegram. This man this Capt.
Carroll, is our cousin. He could not
have been a rebel."
"Your cousin!" exclaimed the young
man. "Well, he may have been your
cousin; but I can assure you that he
was my father."
Onoe more was Bessie staggered.
Mechanically she opened her purse
and found the crumbled telegram from
her father. Mechanically she com
pared the name there mentioned with
that on the tomb. They were identi
cal, save that the cablegram had omit
ted the captain's middle name.
At last she spoke.
"No; clearly there is no mistake.
My father must have misunderstood
me, or else he was auxious to play a
trick. He was always fond of practi
cal jokes, but I do think he has
gone too far in this easel The idea of
5
BESSIS PLACIXa TRR WREATH ON CAP
TAIN Carroll's grave.
my scattering flowers on the hated
grave of a of a "
The yonng man held up a deprecat
ing hand.
"Please," he said. "Please do not
call him ill names. He was my father,
yon know."
Impulsive Bessie was conquered in
a moment.
"I beg your pardon. I really do!"
she exclaimed. "It was outrageous of
me to speak so. Of course, I was al
ways brought up to hate the confed
erates." "And yet," remarked Mr. Carroll,
"there were many brave patriots and
gallant gentlemen among those con
federates. After all, you see, to the
average southerner the confederate
causa appealed quite as Btrongly as did
that of tho union to your friends in
the north." This was all said very
quietly. Indeed, Mr. Carroll appeared
to be a decidedly qniet, but none the
less decided individual.
"Yes," asserted Bessie, anxious to
make amends, "I suppose that istrne,
I never looked at it in that light be
fore. And now allow me to clear a
space, so that you can lay yonr wreath
on the marble."
She did not offer to take away her
own flowers, but deftly made room for
the wreath of the captain's son. When
he bad reverently placed it under bis
father's name, he said: "I come here
with a wreath whenever I happen to
be in London. My name is Alan Cor
roll, and you, since yon are onr cousin,
belong probably to my mother's peo
ple. Her name was Elizabeth
Downes." .
Bessie's bine eyes opened widely.
"Why, that is my name," she said.
l aaV;ftmj
OF MAY.
Graves cf Her Dead Hero33
"You must be quite a near relation."
Just then the worthy sexton of Ken
sal preen came stumping down the
path, bent on discovering what had
happened to delay Bessie. Behiud
him came the anxious chaperon, Mrs.
Malooni, who started guiltily on per
ceiving her charge in close converse
with a stranger of the opposite sex.
"My dear Bessie " she began,
severely; but Bessie interrupted in
her nsual quick fashion.
"Oh, Mrs. Malcolm, what do you
think? I've fonnd a cousin a real,
simon-pure cousin. Let me present
Mr. Alan Carroll. His father and
mine were on opposite sides during
the Civil War, but they were both
brave soldiers, as Mr. Carroll has
pointed out to me, so that I think the
feud ought to be buried."
Mrs. Malcoin, I fear, looked a trifle
suspicious at first over this very ex
traordinary meeting of cousins in a
cemetery. As for the sexton of Ken
sal Green, when he retired to his
lodge after seeing the party ont (the
newly found relative bad been asked
to lunch) he varied the monotony of
counting an unusually fat fee bywink
ing expressively and muttering:
"Cousins! Ho, yes! Hof course!
Cousins!"
As for General Downes in far-off
Roxbury, when his daughter wrote
him an account of her singular adven
ture, he replied :
"You acted quite rightly, my dear.
If Alan Carroll takes after his father,
he must be a sterling fine fellow, and
if there is au occasion upon which the
differences of North and South ought
to be laid aside it is on Decoration
Day."
And there are sly hints regarding
"A Coming Reunion of Blue and
Gray" in the Boston newspapers.
A Notable Day.
The Memorial Day procession has
come to be regarded as an annual event
equal in importance to Independence
Day. It is the only day of the year
in the civil calondar in which United
States troops regularly join with the
citizen soldiers, the Grand Army and
others, in a celebration that is purely
that of tbe civilian, for the militiaman
is looked upon in the same light as the
civilian, according to the ethics ofthe
regular army. Each year these pro
cessions show more clearly than all
else the fact that tbe ties which bind
the north and the south together as one
country are steadily growing stronger
and stronger. Ten years ago, to see a
man wearing the confederate gray
marching in the Memorial Day proces
sion, would have been considered al
most sacrilege. To-day it is not only
not unusual but a welcome event to
the Grand Army posts, composed of
the very men who fought so long against
an enemy thus clothed.
The Barber's Observant.
"Don't you know this is Memorial
Day?" said the shoe merchant, thrust
ing his head inside the door of the
barber shop. "Why don't you deco
rate a little? Where are yonr national
colors?"
In reply, the barber in charge of
the chair near the door merely pointed
at the gorgeous pole in front of his
place of business.
Then he went on shaving his cus
tomer. He had crushed another grum
bler. Chicago Tribune.
Unknown.
There's a grave on the far-off hillside,
A lonely, sunken grave,
Where grow the tall rank grasses
Above tho fallen brave.
Where summer's sun smiles warmly.
Where winter's snow lies deep,
Where, o'er the unknown dreamer,
Unbidden voices weep.
There's a grave on tbn hill, O west wind
Pass by with plaintive moan,
Bnd low the grass above it.
And sigh "Unknown, onknownl"
Stoop down, O heavy raln-cloud,
And drop a pitying tear.
If thou dost mourn earth's chosen,
Oh, spend thy sorrow here.
There's a grave on tbe bill, O union;
Pass not tftat mound o'ergrown.
For tbee this martyr soldier
Gives life and name. "Unknown!"
Pass not, O wife, O woman;
Btoop low, () brother, son;
Forget not. lie who sleepeth
Thy homes, thy freedom, won.
There's a grave on the hill. O Father,
Thy searching voice slmll yet
Bouse up the sleeping soldier,
For Thou dost not forget.
There's a lonely grave on tho hillside,
But oh, before Thy throne,
Tbe humble shall be honored,
The Unknown shall be Known!
Hattle Horner Louthan.
HONORS FOR BRAVE MEN.
Memorial Day and Its Beautiful Signlfl
ranee.
In thirty-five out of forty-five States
of the Union May 30 is legally recog
nized as Memorial Day. Everywhere
the day is practically considered a
legal holiday, but only in the number
of States mentioned is it so by law.
Most persons consider it what is
known as a national holiday. Sur
prising as the fact may seem, there is
no such thing as a national holiday.
There is no provision in the constitu
tion of the United States that permits
such a thing. Congress has from
time to time recognized certain spe
cial doys for business purposes, but
not even the President's proclamation
of Thanksgiving Day makes it a legal
holiday in any State unless the legis
lature of that State has so signified by
legal action.
It needs no President's proclama
tion, no legislative action to make the
United States observe Memorial Day.
The descendants of the 2,778,304 sol
diers who constituted the federal
armies who fought from '61 to '65,
need no reminder to perform what
they consider a Bacred duty. The
340,610 members of the Grand Army
of the Republic who followed the fate
of the Stars and Stripes some of
them from Fort Sumpter to Appomat
tox do not require admonition to
honor their comrades whom wounds
or disease have taken from amoug
them. Thus it is that at least from
Mason and Dixon's line to the boun
daries of the Queen's dominions, every
cemetery where a soldier lies wit
nesses the advent of flowers on the ap
pointed day.
The Memory of the Dead.
There are few influences go hallowed
to the living as the memory of the
dead. They make good men better;
sometimes they make bad men good.
It is a grateful and beneficent cus
tom which has been established of de
voting one day in the year especially
to the commemoration of the virtues
of the dead. Their memory cemes to
ns, bidden or unbidden. It comes
with the morning light; it comes with
the evening shades; it comes in the
stillness of the night. Whenever it
comes it is always welcome and pre
cious. Indeed, one of our chief com
panionships, which we cultivate and
enjoy more almost th.in any other, is
the recollection of those we have loved
and lost.
In the formtl appropriation of
Memorial Day, however," to the decor
ation of graves, there is a manifest,
outward sign of respect whioh is
seemly and in keeping with our ever
present feeling of affection for those
who have gone before us. Many im
prove it by carrying flowers to the
spot where their loved ones lie; all
improve it by recalling in more vivid
fancy the forms and qualities of the
sleepers we sigh in vain for the porer
to awaken.
Civil War Victims.
According to the official figures the
Union armies lost 359,528 officers and
men by death; tho returns from tbe
Confederate armies are incomplete,
bnt those in the Provost Marshal Gen
eral's report show that at least 13.'V
832 officers and men lost their lives.
The losses in battle were compara
tively small in the revolutionary war.
About 6000 persons all told were
killed, and the usual proportion of
those who die of wounds is about two
thirds of those killed. That would
give a total of 10,000. Then at least
11,000 prisoners died in tne prison
ships; so that probably not less than
25,000 to 50,000 persons lost their
lives during aud owing to the war.
The Veteran.
Another and another wreath
We deck new graves each spring,
And smnllergrows the gray-haired band
Whose bunds the garlands bring.
Grave veterans, we follow slow
Tbe dull beat of the drum;
There's ono brief march before us now,
And, Comrades! we shall come
One sleep to share, and o'er each grave
Tbe starry flag wo loved shall wave!
We mourn you not! Tbe days seem fur
Hlnce side by side we fought.
Ami onward to the mentlng-placn
Tbe way Is now so shor:!
Not manv May-times shall we hear
The summons of the drum;
We wait, with unforgettlug hearts.
Till, Comrade! we shall come
One sleep to share.whlleo'er each grave,
Thank (lod! tbe starry flag shall wavel
Marlau Douglas.
rnemnatle Palatine.
Boats are to be painted by machine
hereafter at a West Superior (Wis.)
shipyard. Pneumatio power is to be
utilized, a pail ot paint being at
tached to the machine, which deposits
the paint in a fine spray on the ship,
the operator merely workiug a sort of
nozzle, innch as though he were
sprinkling a flower garden with a
watering pot.
LIFE'S MIRROR.
There are loyal hearts, there are spirits
brave.
There are souls that are pure and truel
Then give to the world the best you have
And the best will come back to you.
Give love, and love to your life will flow
A strength in your utmost need;
Have faith, and a score of hearts will show
Their faith in your word and deed.
Give truth, and your gifts will be paid In
kind.
And honor will honor meot;
And a smile that is sweet will suroly And
A smile that is just as sweet!
Give pity and sorrow to those who mourn;
You will gather. In flowers again.
The scattered seeds from your thought
outborne.
Though the sowing seemed but vain.
For life is the mirror of king and slave,
'Tis just what we are, and do;
Then give to tbe world the best you bavo
And the best will come back to yon.
Madeline S. Bridges.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
We may amplify a little; but, after
all, Solomon said about all there was
to be Baid. Puck.
"She makes no secret of her ignor
ance." "Why should she? She
couldn't keep it." Puck. '
She is a mighty worthless girl who
does not improve a mau by marrying
him. Washington Democrat.
Quisz "How'd you tear your trous.
ers?" Sprocket (just returned from
conntry ride) "Chainless dog." De
troit Journal.
"Is your wife honest? I mean, do
you ever find her short in her ac
counts?" "Well, I should say not!
You ought to hear her!"
"Now, Bobbie," said the teacher in
the natural history class, "what is
panther?" "A man that makth panth,"
lisped Bobbie Boston Traveler.
Mrs, Bilkins "The new girl broke
four plates to-day." Mr. Bilkins
"Did she assign any reason for not
breaking the entire set?" Ohio State
Journal.
Mrs. Flint (skeptically) "H'm!
What kind ot a job do you want?" Sel
dumFedd (with surprising candor)
"Any kind of a job dat I can't git,
mum." Puck.
Mr. Newtied (wrestling with bread)
"I thought you had a cooking-school
diploma." Mrs. Newtied (tearfully)
"That is for cake. I never took the
bread course" Puck.
Hoax "If the driver of an ice
wagon weighB 200 pounds, what does
the man on the back of the wagon
weigh?" Joax "All right; I give it
np." Hoax -"Ice." Philadelphia
Record.
' "I have a doctor's certificate here
that I cannot sing to-night," said the
prima donna. "What!" roared the
manager. "I'll give you a certificate
that you never could sing." Detroit
Free Press.
C. "Nothing will ago so quickly as
poetry." Y. "Indeed?" C "Oh,
yes; I've known a young fellow to
write tender lines to his girl, and when
they were received they were pro
nounced tough."
A "What is Meyer doing now?"
B "I saw him a little while ago with
his head in a noose, a knife at hi
throat and foaming at the mouth." A
"Horrible! Where? Where?" B
"At the barber's!" Standard.
Full of Grand Marches and Quick
steps. Oletimer "Is your married
life one grand sweet Bong?" New
lywed "Well, since I got a baby it's
more like a grand opera, with loud
calls for the author every night."
Tuck.
Blind Beggar "This dime you've
giveu me seems to be off color." Old
Lady -"Impostor! What do you
mean by wearing that sign and mis "
Blind Beggar "Sigu doesn't say I'm
color-blind, does it?" Philadelphia
Record.
"Thackeray a master of style!" re
peated Chollie to the earnest person.
"My dcah fellaw, you pawsitively dou't
know what you are saying. I've seeu
dozens of pictchaws of the old Jobnnv,
and not one of them showed a coat
that had the leant approach to fit."
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"My wife," said the tall. lantern
jawed man, "is as womanly a woman
as you could find, but she ran ham
mer nails like lightning." "Wonder
ful!" sang the chorus. "Lightning,"
the tall, lantern-jawed man continued,
"seldom strikes twice iir the same
p I ace. " Ci u ci n n a t i E n q u irer.
"Dear me!" exclaimed the girl with
pensive, brown eyes and ink ou hot
fingers, "I wish I hail entered school
a year sooner." "What is the matter,
dear?" "Things are in such an un
settled state that I scarcely know what
advice to give the country in my grad
uation essay." Washington Star.
Little Tommy "Pupa, did you evei
see a cyclone that blowed everythiug
np in the air; cows and horses, aud
houses and things, upside down?"
Papa "Well, no, Tommy, although
I've heard of it often." Little Tom
my "Well, I think it'd be rather
tiresome to live so long aud never soo
auything." Harlem Life.
Now the graved iggcrs had lieoome
aweary of what they deemed those
elderly jests. "Sad dog, he," cue of
them consequently took it upon him
self to remark, indicating Hamlet.
"Great Dane," replied the other,
Iwldl.v. This fable teaches how easily
uncouth persons my jump from the
frying pan into the fire. Detroit
Journal.
"Mario," he cried passionately, as
he threw himself at the feet of the rich
widow, "will you be my wife?" "Yes,
John," she murmured. "It means
the sucrillce of my fortune, for my in
come from my late husband's estate
ceases at my second marriage; but my
my love for you is such -" "Marie,
I canuot accept the sacrifice! It is
too much! I will be a brother to
you!" London Tit-Bit).