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ELM 8TBEET, TIONESTA, TA.
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EFUBLICAN.
VOL. XXX. NO. 48. TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, MARCH 10. 1898. S1.00 PER ANNUM,
Forest
R
It is said llioi nations move by cy
cles. A great mouy peoplo move bi
cycles nowadays.
So rnpiil lias been the chango in the
English langnnge that the English to
day bears no more resemblance to the
English of 1000 years ago than it does
to German.
Instead of the old Bign, "Fivo Dol
lars fine for riding or driving across
this bridge faster than a walk," will
be one, at each end of the new Milan
Bridge at Topeka, Kan., reading, "No
restriction." One of the tests of the
bridge was tho running of teams
across the same at full speed. Only
another evidence of the advanea of
practical ideas in science.
For the second time a woman has
won a priio dob.ite at Cornell Uuiverg.
ity, the '91 memorial prize being
.warded to Miss Abigail Langhlin, '98.
Another fair orator won the Woodford
medal several years ago. By holding
their own in thoso mere conspicuous
competitions, as well as by the rank
they attain in examinations, tho women
students at Cornell continue to justify
by their works the principle of co-ed-acation
of the sexes.
It does not speak well for the Tar is
police that fifty-three murders should
have been committed along tho Sein e
ivithin three months and yet the first
irrests aro now made. According to
3aboriau and othor romance writers,
tho French police track and overhaul
criminals with tho instinct of the
oloodhouud, but in real life their work
Joes not compare with tho work of
English or American detectives, who
Jo not have the help of the admirable
French registration system.
Oenoral Roy Stone, Acting Presi
3out of the No tibial League for Good
Roads, believes that ho has found a
way to make postal savings banks and
good roads promote each other. His
plan, in brief, is that postal savings
banks shall be established, and that
tho Postoffico Department shall invest
tho deposits in county bonds for the
building of good roads. The scheme
is favored by the League of Amerioan
Wheelmen, road improvement associa
tions generally, and many educational
institutions. C. W. Stone, a member
of Congress from Pennsylvania, has
embodied it in a proposed amendment
to tho Postal Saviugs Bill.
The mineral production of the
United States for 1897 is put by tho
Engineering and Miuiug Journal at a
total valuation of $702,061,100, of
which $257,451,172 is for metals and
'8504,009,931 for non-motollio sub
stances. The gold produclion is esti
mated at $55,498,950 aud tho silver at
50,117,000 ounces, worth $33,558,900
against 58,188,810 ounces, worth $39,
215,991, in 1890. Tho gold product
is placed considerably under that of
Mint Director Preston, who puts it at
$G1, 500,000. With the exception of
""the Southern States, whoso yield is
inconsiderable, ovcry Stato and terri
tory in the Union thnt produces gold
has increased its output. Mr. Pres
ton has Bhown himself a very con
servative statistician, as ho under
estimated tho 1890 production by $10,
000,000. The dilleronco between him
and the Engineering Journal is quite
considerable, but as both show a big
gain over previous years aud as bigger
gains aro in sight for 1898 and an in
definite terra thereafter, the ptiblio can
afford to rest easy until the full statis
tics are obtainable.
Whether on account of improved
sanitary conditions or on acoount of
the increused skill which physicians
have developed in buttling with dis
easo, there is gratifying evidenco of a
marked decliuo in the death rates of
our leading American cities during
the past year. As compiled by ono of
tho leading medical journals of the
country, tho deuth rates for tho cities
of New York, Philadelphia, Chicago,
Cincinnati, Baltimore, Boston and
St. Louis, as disclosed by tho figures
for the ast year, are as follows:
Per 1 000 Inhabitants.
Chicago 13.5
Philadelphia 1S.S
Now York 1'J.J
St. Louis 1S.2
Boston 15.5
Baltimore .s
t'iuciiiuatl 14.1
While there is quite a decided dif
ference between tho deuth rates of
some of the cities mentioned iu the
foregoing table, the showing which
the record iu its entirety .evinces in
unusually gratifying. Although the
exact figures for this immediate Bee
tion of the country are not accessible,
it may safely be affirmed that the
south will compare favorably with any
other section in point of heulthfulncss.
As for Atlanta, there is no city iu the
United Stutos which possesses superior,
kauitury advantages.
THE SONG OF SICHS.
There slcsa maid whore the wlndB of the wilderness finger her hair,
And the fair stars mock and steal tho lustre and light of her eyes.
Where a terrible moan of silence and sadness sickens the air.
Where the Bhtvering earth lice cold 'neath the sheeted mists that rise;
Bt ill nt her lattice she pits and a heart-sad song she slugs
(Song of sigh It is, has been, and shall ever be),--"Love
ts the Kins of all, a tyrant King of Kings,
A cruel tyrant of Klugs, and my Love he loves not mo."
Aaron Mason, In Harper's Magazine.
f LOST: A MILLIONAIRE?
f
F.S. COLLINS.
COX is iu the
waiting room and
desires to see you
immediately, sir,"
said one of the
men entering the
room where I was
i u conversation
with tho Chief at
Scotland Yard.
"Collins-Cox,
Collins-Cox?" re
peated tho Chief.
"Isn't that the
millionaire who has
great
American
reoently settled in London?"
"Yes, sir." ,
"dhow her in at once. Wiseman,
foil remain for a time."
A few seoonds later Mrs. ColliiiB
Cox came quickly into the offioe and
the door closed after her. She was a
pleasant looking lady of twenty-seven
or twenty-eight. Clearly she was
greatly excited about something.
".Sir," sho cried, coming forward
snddonly, "I've lost my husband! lie
has disappeared."
"Sinco whon?" asked the Chief,
beckoning her to a choir.
"Siuco yesterday evening."
"Oh!" he said, smiling, "I should
not worry about that, madam. No
doubt he will come back safely. Did
ho not say he was going?"
"Oh, it's not that, sir, that fright
ens me. It is this, which I received
a little while ago," and she drew from
her hand-bag a small cardboard box
aud dropped it upon the desk.
My chief took the box, opened it
and abstracted its contents; a letter
and a small packet. Leaning over his
shoulder I read the words of j the
former:'
. Dear Madam Host assurod that your
husband is right and Bute so long as you
don't attempt to llnd lilra. If you do you
will regret it. lie desired roe to send you
the enclosed cheuk (.10,090), which you are
to chango and convey In cash to us after
our Instructions.
You will go to tho bank, cash the oheck,
put tho money Iu a handbag, and to-night,
at 8 sharp, when It Is dark, you .will go to
Cross street, Whiteehapel, and put tho bug
against the rnillug of No. 17, exactly where
you And a white cross on oue of the Hags.
You will go aloue, and net secretly all
through. It is your husband's wish, for
the successful issue of our pluns menus Ills
life. If the money falls Into wrong hands
your husband will write us another check,
which you will cosh and bring to us. Ho
you will save yourself trouble by seeing It
doesn't, aud following onr Instructions.
When we huve the money, your husband
will return. .
Put the bag down on tho white cross and
walk away quickly. You will be followed;
aud if you dou't walk away, or if you look
back or there is anyone spying about, you
will be n widow within two .hours, lie
careful, therefore. To betray us Is to be
tray yourself and Mr. Collins-Cox. Mean
time, wo unclose first Installment of your
husbaud to show wo meuu business.
C HAIU.ES KlDXAl'PEB AND Co., LTD,
The Chief next took the small packet,
undid the paper, and suddenly re
coiled from it. It was a humau
linger, cut from the socket, and wear
ing a plain gold serpent ring. I took
np tho linger, and examined it very
carefully.
"Do you recognize this finger and
ring to be your husband's?" I asked.
"The ring, certainly, but I can't be
sure of the linger. Men's fingers ure
bo muoh alike."
"Hum I Do your remember what
cr yes, what finger Mr. Cox wore
this ring upon?"
"The third finger of his left hand,
always."
"Then calm your fears, madam; a
million chances to oue this is not your
husband's finger, since it is the sec
ond of some hand. Of course, it may
bo genuine. But I don't think so.
Your husband has been kidnapped.
"Do you wish me to take up this
mutter?" I asked, turning to my chief.
He nodded, and I turned to Mrs. Cox.
"Go to tho bank, cash tho check, and
return home, where you will find me.
You must do this, because you are
probably being watched. Stop a bit,
though, madam! Have you the
check?"
"Yes, it's here in my purse."
I took it from her, aud crossed to
the window tj examine it. It was
made out, payable to Mrs. Cox, on a
shoet of ordinary note-paper. Tho
body was written out in one hand with
a steel pen, aud the signature was iu
another.
"Aro you sure tho signature is all
right?" 1 asked of Mrs. Cox.
"La far as I know, it is," sho
answered. "But I could not say for
certaiu, though I attribute the dis
similarity from his usual siguaturo to
his being nervous when he wrote it."
"It is dissimilar?"
"Yes, my husband wrote a very firm
hand, und that is rather shaky."
"Well, madam, please do what I
tell you. Go to the bunk, aud meet
me at your houxe. Let me lend you
this bluek handbag. It will Buit your
purpose."
With that I took up my hat aud
went off. 1 wulked down Carlton
House terrace to the Coxes' house.
To the footman who answered my
summons I said I wished to see Mr.
Cox's valet, aud in a few moments this
lordly gentleman came to ine with a
mixed manner of cordiality aud cou
descausiou. In a short time Mrs. Cox returned.
"I guess I fehall go mad before the
Igjpl
j
day is out," aid she, as she came into
the room, followed by a man carrying
my nandbag.
"Oh, no," I said, choorfully,
wont to see you alone." She dis
missed the man, and thou sank into
a chair. -
"Yes, I've got the money, after tho
greatest difficulty," sho said, answer
ing my look. "But havo you discov
ered anything? '
"Yes, two things," I replied
want these things: A piece of cream
note paper get it from your cook a
steel pen, ink and a specimen of your
husband's signature. Please got these
tilings yourself, and let no one know.
Now, tell me who is iu this house?"
"Myself yon mean usually? Well,
Mr. Cox, mysolf, the secretary, three
male and Ave femalo servants."
"They all live here?"
"Except tho secretary yos."
"This gentleman, has ho been in
your employ long?"
"Three years."
"We might get some information
from him, perhaps. However for tho
present, 1 11 see no one Will you
please get mo those things?"
Mrs. Cox wont out, and returned
after a few minutes with what I had
asked for. I smiled as I saw the note
paper. Though it was not the same
muko it was very like what had been
used for tho check for 10,000.
"What are you going to do?" Mrs.
Cox asked.
"I can't do much until 8 o'clock, so
I am going to try a little experiment."
I took from her the specimon of her
husband's signature and examined it.
From my pocketbook I drew a piece
of tracing paper, and this I laid upon
Mr. Cox's signature, which I went
over carefully Home thirty or forty
times. Then I took the sheet of note
paper and calmly forged the million
aire's name, making a queer little
curl at the tail of tho "x" similar to
what I had noticed in the signature of
the 10,000 check, which was not to be
seen in the specimen signature before
me.
Mrs. Cox watched me with an air of
profound mystification ns I put the
sheet of paper bearing only the name,
"C. Collins-Cox," upo.i the table and
covered it up in suoh a way that no
other part of the paper was visible.
"Now," I said, "will you be good
enough to summon every one in the
house, and let them remain in the
room until I call them?"
She went away and in a few minutes
later returned, saying that every one
was in the room adjoining the ono
in which I sat.
"Very well, then. I want them to
come in here one at a time. Begin
with the secretary."
"Ask Mr. Staiuer to come here,"
said Mrs. Cox,
Mr. Stainer came. He was a tall,
gentlemanly man of 30, wearing gold-
rimmed spectaoles.
"Of course, " I said to Mrs. Cox in
nu undertone, but loud enough to be
heard, as ho came forward, "if it's
genuine you must change it, and do as
instructed. It will cost you a cool
10,000, but that can't be helped.
"Mr. Stainer," and I turned to him
quickly, "can you tell me if this is
Mr. Cox's signature?"
"Yes. it is."
"Bo sure, please. It's a highly im
portant matter. Look at it closely."
He leant over it and examined it
like a near-sighted mau, for some mo
ments. I watchod him, noticing his
hands trembling aud his lips twitch
nervously.
"Yos," ho said, quietly. "I'll swear
to that. "But I fancy he was unwell
whon he wrote it, for it is very shaky
for Mr. Cox."
All the others were brought iu in
turn, but no oue else was able to iden
tify the signature.
"I want a cab," I said, smiling.
A cab was culled aud I went out,
gave tho driver a note, with instruc
tions to tako it to tho Yard and await
an answer. Then I returned to the
room and drew Mrs. Cox aside.
"Don't breathe a word to any one,"
I said; "but does it not strike you as
strange that the man who best knows
your husband s writing should be the
one to suy most emphatically that my
forgery was written by your hus
band .'
"Yes," she said, in a whisper.
Ten minutes later, the cub returned
and landed oue of our men. Ho was
shown in to me; aud at my request,
all the servants were recalled. When
they wore assembled, I turned to our
man and said:
"Chambers, you will remain iu this
house uutil 9 o'clock to-night. You
will allow no ono but Mrs. Cox to leave
while you are here, aud you will see
that nothing whatever is passed out of
the house by any one to uuy one, and
that no communication whatever is
held by the inmates with outsiders,
not eveu with tradespeople. You will
mako it your duty, if anybody I say
anybody attempts to break these
rules to immediately arrest them. Y'ou
understand?"
"Yes."
At this Stainer looked the picture
of ooufusiou aud very pale.
"I shall be here at 7 o'clock," I said
iu a whisper to Mrs. Cox. "Have an
old dress, cloak and hat of yours ready
for me, and a room at my disposal, if
you please." Theu to Chambers I
said iu tho same tone, 'Tay particular
attention to Mr. Stainer. He inter
ests me." Aud then I came away.
At about 7.30 the same evening a
woman, tall, agile aud well but quiet
ly dressed, with a rather thick veil
that hid her face, which, for the first
time iu eighteen mouths had been de
nuded of a brown silken beard and
mustache, left Mr. Cox's house iu
Carltou House Terraco, aud, walking
to Watorloo place, got into a cab.
She gave the driver an address, with
instructions for it to be reached by a
roundabout route, and placed beside
her on tho scat of the cab a black
handbag. The cab eventually stopped
in Oxford street.
The womau sprang out, paid the
driver and hurried eastward. Pres
ently sho encountere 1 four or fivo
cabs plying for hire nt the curb. With
a quick glance around her she sprang
into once of these, gave the driver an
address through tho roof trap, and the
cal rolled oil at a quick rate.
Tho cnb rattlod eastward past Now
gate, the Exchange, through Fen
church street, and finally pulled np a
few yards from a small boor shop in
Whitochapel. lho woman alighted,
paid the cabman, and crossed to tho
other side of the road, where four la
borers were standing talking together,
She went up and held an animated
conversation with them for a few miu-
ntes. Then the four men movod oil
iu different directions, leaving the
woman standing alone iu tho shadow
of a doorway. Here she remained un
til a neighboring clock struck 8, when
she issued from her hiding place and
turned down a by-street.
The street iu whioh she now found
hersolf was narrow, dark and de
sorted. The light was barely suffi
cient to enable the woman to see a
white cross upon a flagstone in front
of No. 17, and upon this she put tho
handbag she carried. The moment
she had done so, she started to run
down the street, but she did not run
far, turning sharply into the deep
shadow of a projecting wall. From
here she could see up and down the
street, the mysterious house aud the
handbag. The house was apparently
empty. Not a light was there in any
window.
She was attentively watching the
windows of No. 17 for an indication of
life, when she heard a strange grind
ing sound that made her start. No
one was to be seen. Everything was
exactly as it had been before, except
that the bag had gone! Vanished!
"Fool!" she cried, "I might have
guessed it!"
llunning out of hiding she drew a
a police whistle and blew it thrice, and
then set about to examine the flag
stone. Yes; the cement around it was
in loose powder. Some one had shift
ed the flag; so mo ono iu the cellar be
low and the bag was gono and the flag
pushed back.
There was no area door, so the only
way to gain adinittanco to tho house
was by tho front door.
She flung herself against it again
and again. But it resisted all her
efforts, and she stopped to consider.
At that moment a laborer rau up.
"It's all right," ho said. "We've
got him bag iu haud. He had laid
his plans for quick escapo at tho back,
but ran into my arms as we entered.
The house is quite empty."
"Oh, are you sure?" I asked, for, of
course, the agilo femalo was myself.
"Perfectly certain. The house is
absolutely empty of everything and
every one."
"Ah, then I think I can nndorstand.
Get me a cab aud take the chap to the
station iu another."
Two cabs were procured. In ono
wo put our prisoner a well-dressed
man of a pronounced American type
between two of my Scotland Yard
laborers and sent him to tho local sta
tion. The second cab I took myself,
and in it I drove to Carlton House
Terrace.
WhenJI arrived at the Coxes' Ijfound
the footman just paying oil' another
cab.
"Oh, then Mr. Cox has returned?"
I said.
"Yes, sir. Just this moment ar
rived."
"Where's Mr. Stainer?"
"Y'our friend has hiin locked iu the
pantry. Ho arrested him by your in
structions half un hour ago."
Banning up tho steps I pounced
right upon Mr. and Mrs. Cox locked
in etch other's arms. He wore au air
of mystification, whilo she was simply
bubbling over with delight.
"What does all this mean?" asked
Mr. Cox, turning upon me. "It's
mystery upon mystery! Who is this
woman?"
"This woman," I replied, "is Do
tective Sergeant Wiseman, of New
Scotland Yard, who has just discov
ered one of the neatest little plots ever
invented. Y'our secretary is a ge
nius "
"I don't understand," he said,' look
ing at me as if he fauciod I was play
ing a joko at his expense.
"You had a telegram yesterday?" I
usked.
"Yes, whioh took me toPurisou a
wild goose chase. Some one has been
making a fool of me. The telegram
purported to come from au old friend
iu Paris, and requested me to go to
him there without a moment's delay or
a word to any ono. I went. His uume
was not known at the hotel. I cabled
to New York and had au answer to say
iny friend was there and well, so I
came back. What does it mean?"
"It means this," I answered. "It
means that your secretary aud two
men one of whom is now in custody,
the other probably in Paris plotted
to fleece you of 10,000. Your secre
tary forged your uame on a sheet of
note paper which was made out as a
check for 10,000, payable to your
wife This is a large sum, aud the
chancca of getting such a check
houored at short call was remote, un
less t he person offering it could satisfy
the baukers it was all right. How to
do this set the plotters wondering, un
til they hit upon tho graud scheme of
getting your wife to change the
check."
And I then recounted to hint our ad
ventures and their result.
"The kidnapping idea was intro
duced in order to frighten yonr wife,
and the finger, which was that of some
one else adornodjwith one ofiyonr rings,
whioh your secretary fouud in your
bedroom, was calculated to further un
nerve her.
"Madam," I concluded, turning to
Mrs. Cox, with a slight evidenco of
justifiable pride. "I congratulated
you upon coming to Scotland Y'ard.
Y'ou have provided mo with the only
really interesting case I havo had for
yonrs." Tit-Bits.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
A naturalist recently assorted that
man is doscended from the angle
worm. A Gormou chomist lias discovered
that alcohol is among tho by-products
which can be obtained from coko-oven
gases.
A physician, who has given much
thought to the subject, says that so
long as tho cyclist can breathe with
tho mouth shut ho is reasonably safo
from heart straiu.
Last year 1308 persons bitten by
mad dogs were treated at the Pasteur
institute in Paris, of whom only four
died. Since 18811 tho number of casos
treated is 18,042 aud of deaths ono
hundred aud forty.
According to a dispatch from Mel
bourne, iu Australia, Professor David
states that the results of coral borings
in tho atoll of Funafuti show the
soundness of Darwin's theory of tho
formation of coral reefs.
Hats and coats can be loft on a now
hook without danger of theft, a slid
ing bolt being fitted with a lock and
key, by which the garments are
clamped tightly, and cannot bo re
loased until the owner inserts tho key
to draw tho bolt.
Checks can be indelibly marked to
prevent raising, by a now proteotor
which has number dies to mutilate or
break tho fiber of tho paper, whioh at
the same time forces ink into the
mutilntions so it cannot bo erased
without destroying the fiber.
The Massilon (Ohio) Bridge Com
pany has receivod an order for tho
construction of a cantilever bridge
502 feet long and oighteon feet wide,
whioh is to bo built by tho New York
Dredging Company at Honda, on tho
Magdalena River, iu Colombia, South
America.
The Borchardt automatio pistol is
cited as an exampleof rapidity in com
plicated mechanical movements. As
eight shots hove been fired in one
third of a seooud, one-twenty -fourth
of a second will suffice for advancing
the firing bolt, exploding the charge,
extracting the cartridge and reloading
and cocking for the next shot.
An inventor has hit npou a method
of putting stone soles on boots and
shoes. He mixes a waterproof glue
with a suitable quantity of clean quartz
sand, and spreads it over tho leather
solo used as a foundation. Thoso
quurtz soles are said to bo very flexi
ble and proclically indestructible, and
to give the foot a firm hold even on
tho most slippery surface.
No Patriot!. in In China,
As for the patriotism of theChineso,
if it ever existed, it is unquestionably
a thing of the past. At the time of
tho wur with Japan, China had two
squadrons, the main or northern squad
ron, with headquarters at Port Arthur
and Woi-Hui-Wei, and tho southern
squadron, composed of fine Armstrong
cruisers, of gunboats and torpedo boats.
Asit wascleurthut the Japanese would
carry the war into Manchuria aud to
ward the Gulf of Petehili, the southern
squadron was ordered to proceed north
ward and to reinforce the northern
fleet. Far ironi obeying, the com
manding udmirul and his officers de
cided that, being a great deul jafor iu
the south, they would quiotl remain
there, and go up a river, the entrance
of which could bo defended by torpedo
mines, which they Lurried to lay.
Why, in the name of Confucius, should
they havo exposed themselves for tho
sake of defending tho northern
provinces?
About the same time, tho Chinese
government being iu need of money to
carry on the war, decided that u small
tax would bo imposed upon the tea
plantations, most of whose proprie
tors are wealthy, or at least well-to-do-people.
But these patriotic citizens,
iu order to ovoid paying that small
tax, begged tho foroigu merchants to
take tho plantations in their names!
Illustrated American.
A New Wrinkle For Foiiiiilrytiien.
One of tho New York printing ma
chiue builders, says Engineering, has
succeeded in producing extremely ac
curate gear-wheel castings by the
simple device of using a machine-cut
metul pattern, ami baking the mold in
u core oven before the pattern is re
moved. Under these conditions the
metal mold expands, while the clay
tends to shrink, with the result that
on cooling, tho pattern c-au bo with
drawn, leaving behind it u perfect
mold. Wheels cast iu this way show,
it is stuted, the tool murks on the
original pattern, and customers havo
accepted them as machine-cut wheels.
J-dm-trie Lump Outf.ul.
One of the largest domestic manu
facturers of incandescent electric
lamps has an output of over 0,500,000
I V'-'ar.
I.oni;eHt ('anal.
The longest artificial watercourse in
liu world is! the Bengal Cuiiul, 900
miles, tho next i the Erie, 'M'J.
rHE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
The Winter lllnelnv Oliej the I'annl l aw
III. Cup of lluiu'lin Wlmt It Wal
Hie 1Utlitrtlfu IIU V.xiM-rlrnre
Itellef-Willi Variation. Vic, l ie
I'pon the Icifless chestnut.
Among the Hakes of snow,
I hear the bluejny singing.
With happy dreams ugiow.
Amid the whirring whirlwinds
That etch the wlndnw-rlinn
He sings with winter gladness
Ills song of summer-time.
His blithe June song he's singing
Amid the enowflakc whirl.
For in ids heart he's dreaming
About Ills hummer girl.
H. K. Munkittrlck. In Tuck.
rutting lee,
"Does ho out any ice in the town?"
"Well, I guess yes! lie is a coal
dealer." Puck.
111. llletlni'tlnn.
is that military-looking
"Who
clinn?"
"That, Bir, is the hero of a rumored
war." Puck.
Obey, the I'.unl law,
Edwin "Nothing is so costly as
sin."
Ethel "No, tho demand keeps up
the prico." Brooklyn Life.
Hi. Clip of llappinciiH.
She "Ho you are ongaged to ono
of the Miisgravo twins. How can you
distinguish ono from the other?"
He "I dou't try to." Hurlom Life.
Whllt It W9.
Benevolent Stranger "How on
o.jrth do you manugo to live?"
Weary Waggles "I ain't livin',
boss. It's only u bluff." New York
Journal.
111. Kxperlcucc
"I beliovo they cluim there iB loss
seasickness now than there used to
be."
"Then I must havo had all of it,"
said the returned voyager. Chicago
Post.
With Variation..
Mrs. Peck "Before we were mnr
ried you vowed you would die for
mo."
Poor Henry Peck (with surprising
spirit) "Well, this ia a living death!"
Puck.
Itrller.
Ledgorby "It does seem good to
see old Doybuke back otitis desk after
his long illness."
Bilfilo "Yon bet it does I wns
afraid it was another caso of $2 all
'round for a floral tribute." Chicago
Journal.
III. lCrror.
Mrs. Brown "And tho burglar
pointed a pistol at you?"
Mrs. Jones "Yes; and I was par
alyzed with fear uutil ho said, 'Don't
speak!' That gave mo nn idea, und I
just shouted for help aud he rau away."
Puck.
A IlNtlll,'lfili.
Mamma (to Tommy, who is taking
his first lesson in reading) "What's
tho difference between a comma aud a
period?"
Tommy "A comma, mamma, is a
dot with a tail hanging to it, whilo a
period is just a plain dot." Judge.
Wrnrv Itouml.
Literary Aspirant "What steps aro
necessary when you want to get out a
book?"
Bonis (who has had somo experi
ence) "Several thousand tdeps will
be necessary if it takes you as long to
find a publisher as it generally takes
me." Chicago Tribune.
A Hettlmm-llt.
Willio, tho bill collector, limped
painfully into the creditor's ollico. "1
presented your bill to fjlodhoppor,"
he murmured, "with the accompany
ing threats from you."
"Well?" queried tho creditor.
"Ho footed tho bill," replied Willie,
declining the pioH'ored chair. Phila
delphia North American.
Locking Forward.
"I can't help being a little bit afraid
of tho dark," remurked the small boy,
apologetically.
"That is very silly," replied his
father. "You will outgrow it when
you ore older and more sensible."
"Of course. It won't bo so very
long before I'm big, und then I'll bo
like you und mother, and not be ufraid
of anything except spilling salt and
seeing tho new iiioon over iny left
shoulder. Washington Star."
8;iw l.ltlle or 1'..
"Pardon the old question," said the
tourist ou the east-bound Athuiliu liner,
"but how did the Americans impress
you?"
"I hardly met enough of them to
form au idea," replied the English
traveler, iu a manlier somewhat cold
aud distant.
"You went through the country
hastily, perhaps. Journeying for
pleasure, may 1 ask?"
"No, sir. I was lecluiiug, sir."
Chicago Tiibuue.
The Czar'. ICebuke to IIU hoi. lien.
Au interesting st ry is bciu rt dd of
tho way thoCzar recently administered
rebuke to his olllcers. It seemed
there is a great deal of extruvugnuce
aud luxury among tho upper grades of
the Hussiuu army, aud a young officer
who hud been guilty of riding iu a
tramcar for tho suke of economy had
been asked by his fellow officers to send
iu his resignation. When the Czar
heard this ho himself rode down to the
barracks in a tramcar and presented
himself before his officers with the
startling question whether they do
sired him to send iu his rcbiguutii u.
St. Jumvs' tiiizuUe.
THE QUIET HOUSE.
Oh, mothers, worn and wenry
Wit h cares that never cea".e,
With never time for pleasure,
Willi tlavs that have no peace;
With little hands that hinder,
Ami feeble steps to guard,
With tasks that lie uulliilshcd,
Deem not your lot too hard.
I know n house where pluythlng3
Arc hidden out of sik'ht:
N si'iind of childish footsteps
Is heard from mora till night;
No tiny hands to litter,
That pull things nil uwry;
No baby hurts to pity
As the quiet days go by.
And she, the snd-eyed mother -
Wh it would she give to-day
To feel your cares und burdcur,
To walk your weary way?
Ah! happy she, yea, blessed,
Could she again but sen
The rooms all strewn with playthings.
Ami the children round her knee!
- Mrs. M. K. Juliu, In Montreal Wltnesi
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Willio "Say, pit, what's a floating
debt?" Pa "Our yacht, my son." -Cjicigo
News.
"1 was in au elevator onco that fell
fifteen stories to the basement."
"Dear me; how did it feel?" "J
was never so taken dow n in my life.''
Truth.
"Wo aro going to give up having
Johnny get an education." "For
what reason?" "Wo can't get him
sterilized every morning in tiiuo to go
to school." Puck.
"I beliovo they claim there is less
sea sjekueHs now than there used to
be." "Then I must have had all of
it," said the returned voyager.
Chicago Evening Post.
Carrahan "TV forman down at th'
new place phero Oi'm wurrkiu' is
purty kind. He towld mo tek mo
clt'ice av any tools t' wurrk wid an'
Oi t n k mo pick." Judge.
Too High. Mrs. Poeticus "Don't
you think my now bat is a poem?"
Poeticus "No." Mrs. Poeticus
"Why not?" Poeticus "Oh, I'm
merely judging by its price." Truth.
Stranger -"Where do tho lligh
niiuds reside? They are ono of the
old families of this city, I believe."
Mrs. Forundred "They used to be,
but Mr. Highmind failed last year."
New York Weekly.
She "How would you punctuate
the following: 'Bank of England
notes of various values were blown
along tho street by tho wind?' " Ho
"1 think I would mako a dash after
the notes." Tit-Bits.
Billy Blink (boxing instructor)
"Great Seed! That was an 'outer
you gave me. But what's that in your
glove, I sny?" Amateur (just learn
ing) "Oh, that's a horseshoe I put
it there for luck." Tit-Bits.
Mr. Isaac "Isells you dot coat at
a gread sacrifice." Customer "But
you say that of all your goods. How
do you inuko a living?" Mr. Isaacs
"Mein frient, I makes a schmall profit
on do paper and string." New York
Weekly.
Little Presbyterian, aged three, ou
his return from tho Episcopal Church,
where ho hud been for tho first time:
"Mamma, the minister came out with
a night-dress on, and all the ladies
were so 'shamed, they put their heads
right down." Truth.
Literary Aspirant "What steps aro
necessary when you want to get out a
book?" Bonis (who has had somo
experience) "Several thousand steps
will bo necessary if it tukes yon as
long to find a publisher as it generally
takes me." Chicago Tribune.
Chollio--"Maud has to wear glasses;
tho oculist said she hud been using
her eyes too much," Charlie "I
should say so! You ought to have
seen her at the dance tho othei
uight; sho was just surrounded by
men all tho time." llurper's Bazar.
She "Ah, Count, yon don't know
how my love for you distresses my
parents. I heard my father say this
morning that he would give $5(1,000 if
J could never seo you again." The
Count "Eos your fazairo in hoe
oll'ees now, you sink?" Chicago
News.
"You know," said tho Chinese Em
peror, "possession is nine points of
the law." "Yes," replied the Europe
au diplomat, "but 1 must remind you
that there are severul hundred point)'
in the giiine we ure playing. Nino
points represent a mere bagatelle iu
tho score. "- -Washington Slur.
A ludy who miw thut her servmit
girl seemed to take a certain interest
iu the objects of ai t in her parlor, said
to her: "Which ouu of those figi roi
do you like best, Mury?" "This one,
mum," said Mary, pointing to the
armless Venus of Milo. "And why
do you like tho Venus best?" "Sure,
4t's the uisicst to doost, mum," ans
wered the girl. llarleui Life.
hliell l-'Ult Feur Thumlt-r.
Crawfish, crabs and lobsters are pe
culiarly sensitive to loud uoiscs. aud
it is a fact that a loud and sudden clap
of thunder will cause thorn to uinpu
tutu or droji their large claws and
"pincers." The impulse which seizes
them when suddenly uluruied is tj
throw off their heavy claws, so that
they may quickly scurry off to a pluco
of safety. Crabs und lobsters can iu
ten duys oru fortnight grow new claws
us large as tho old ones. 1'or several
weeks, however, the patient who is
growing ou u new set of lighting wea
pons, does not appear among tho
armed members of hW family, because,
his claws being soft, ho could not
"take his own part" und would bo
eutcn by his cannibal brethren. Gol
den Days.
A New Supply of Auilu-r.
News id uuother vuluublo discovery
conies from British Columbia, This
time it is not gold, but amber. Tho
bunks of the Saykusji Creek, flowing
into Jervis Inlet, on the eastern
shores of the Straits of Georgia, are,
it is claimed, able to supply tho world
with amber for at least a century.
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