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VOL. XXX. NO. 40. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MAltOII 2. 181)8. S1.00 PER ANNUM.
Some people are trying to discover
a redeeming trait in that little jabber
ing idiot, the English sparrow. He is
fairly running over with traits, but oil
on the wrong side, declares the Epito
mist. He makes a good target for
rifle practice.
The evidence that wo have plenty
of material with which to recruit our
standing army- in times of national
danger, is, in the opinion of the At
lanta Journal, shown in the fact that
four hundred able-bodied men have
applied for position as umpires in tho
national baseball leagues.
Excepting the Btrike in the coal
regions, the year 1897 was remarkably
free from general disturbances among
wage-earners, and wages 'showed a
slight npward tendency (officially es
timated at from five to twenty per
cent.) In the cotton-mills of New
England, however, there was-a reduc
tion of wages as the year ended, due
to a successful Southern competition.
, In spite of tho Baud and the new
mines in Australia, the United States
is still the greatest gold-producer of
all countries, notes the New York
Tribune. It is likely to remain so,
too, after tho Klondike and other
Yukon regions are exploited and
"worked for all they are worth." It
was fifty years ago this month, by the
way, that gold was discovered in Cali
fornia. Not many discoveries in this
century have more powerfully, affected
the current of human affairs than that.
The United States of Australia will
in all likelihood come into existence
before the present century expires.
This prediction is made regardless o'
the fact that Queensland and New
Zealand still hold aloof from entering
the proposed federation. With five of
the Australian colonies wildly in favor
of the idea of federation, the two re
maining colonies are bound to come
over ere long But the federation
can be formed without waiting for the
acquiescence of Queensland and New
Zealand, and such is likely to be the
case. From what can be gathered
from recent news dispatches it seems
that the five colonies which are
already anxious to federate intend to
fix upon some definite plan of nnion
within the next few months, extending
to Queensland and New Zealand the
privilege of entering the federation
later. Some idea of the immense
character of the proposed federation
may be derived from the fact that the
Australian colonies which are now
ready to enter the union cover 2,300,
000 square miles and contain 3,074,
998 inhabitants. Under the proposed
foderation the piogress of the colonies
will be more decided thau at any time
heretofore. If Australia follows in
the wake of Canada, will it not soore
another triumph for the American
principle?
If the well-known British statistic
ian, Michael G. Mulhall, is correct in
his figures, the German Empire has
progressed more rapidly than any
other European power during the past
twenty years. In the North American
Tlavlow fba at ntlutlnlall 11 affair 0B i.rt
establish the truth of this statement.
Within the period of time under con
sideration Mr. Mulhall shows that the
textile manufactures of the empire
have more than doubled in amount.
In 1876 the German cotton mills con
. sumed only 280,000 tons of raw fibre,
, whereas at the present time they con
sume 690,000 tons. This is not Bur
prising in view of the (not that these
mills contain 4,700,000 spindles, or
considerably more than any other
country of Europe. What is true of
the cotton industry in the matter of
growth is also true of the silk indus
try. In silk manufactures Germany
ranks seoond only to Frauce, and dur
ing the past twenty years her rate of
progress in this line has been much
more rapid. With respect to the man
ufacture of sugar, Germany's output
of this product has more thau trebled
since 1876. Iu the manufacture of in
dustrial implements, hardware and
machinery, it appears that the empire
has also made extraordinary progress.
Twonty years ago the aggregate debts
of all the States included within the
present German empire amounted to
8620,000,000; to-day the burden which
the empire carries aggregates the
amazing snm of $2,900,000,000. This
increase is due to the fact that the
Government has incurred bonded in
debtedness iu purchasing railway sys
tems; but since the investment pays
handsomely, she will be enabled iu
time to cancel the entire debt out of her
railway profits. Altogether, the prog
ress which the empire has achieved iu
various directions during the time
under review bus been most reuiurk
able; and in view of the intense rivalry
between the Europeuu powers which
exists Ht this time, it serves to throw
important light upon the situation.
IN THE
The mother rooks tn the firelight,
The little one on her knees,
And her song and the glow of the embers
Steal through the shadows to me.
And I follow the highways of fancy
To a valley of long ago,
As the mother sings In tbe firelight,
Booking to and fro.
In tbe heart of that ennllt valley
.' Is a echoolhouse, prim and white,
And the voices of ohlldrcn singing
Tbe song she sings to-night;
And hilla rise blue above mo,
And the river Is fnlr below.
As the mother sings In tbe firelight,
Rocking to and fro.
3
THE CLAIM-JUMPERS.
By AD.
HE wagon was old
vA rough-coated gray
VVri I '" mules dragged it
along over the
frozen prairie
road. The har-
nesa waa a Anm-
bination of ropes and well-worn
straps, whose rough edges had here
and there rubbed off patches of hair
from the animals' thin sides and sharp
backs.
On the front seat of the wagon sat a
girl, with the lines in her hands. She
looked to be about nineteen. A mass
of dark-gold curls surmounted ho
shapely head; her eyes were bright
hazel in color, and the breath of the
chill wind that crept up under the
old wagon oover gave a vivid tinting
to her pretty cheeks.
"Faith, how much farther is it to
Uncle Ethan's?" asked a slender boy
of ten, who ocenpied a low bench by
the small stove, that stood almost in
the centre of the wagon-bed.
"A long ways yet, dear," answered
the fair driver. "More than a hun
dred miles, I should say."
"I'm gettiu' most awful tired,"
murmured Bessie, a curly-headed
mite, little more than five jears old,
as she nestled in the folds of a huge
buffalo robe near her brother.
"We are all getting tired out, Bes
sie," said Faith Haskins, a shadow
crossing hev brow. "But cheer up,
dears, we'll reach Uncle Ethan's some
time this week, I hope. And let us
be thaukful that we have even this
poor shelter from the cold."
As she spoke she cast her eyes
about the interior of the canvas-covered
wagon, then out across the
dreary stretch of houseless prairie
over which scattering flakes of snow
had begun to fall.
At the rear end of the wagon was a
pile of bed clothes, while near the
centre stood the little stove, in which
a oheerfnl fire was burning. On the
ridge-pole at the top of the bows, hung
several cooking utensils, and under
the front seat was a large provision
box, a Back of corn-meal, a side of
bacon and other necessary articles.
Almost a year ago Faith Haskins'
fathor had died, leaving her alone on
a bleak Nebraska claim, with ner little
brother and sister, Clint and Bessie.
Their mother had died only eight
months before tbe father. The sorrow
of the lonely orphans was very great,
and, being very poor, there seemed
nothing hopeful for them to which
they oould look forward in the future.
Faith, however, did not yield to de
spair. She went bravely to work to
earn a living for herself and the two
children left to her care. Besides
cultivating a small piece of ground
with Clint's help, she had mauaged to
teach a short term of school in the
winter. But it had taken nearly all
she made to pay the doctor's bills aud
the funeral expenses. Then her
mother's brother, Ethan Bartley, who
lived on a cattle ranch in Southwest
ern Kansas, had written Faith advis
ing her to sell the claim for whatever
it would bring, and inviting her and
Clint and Bessie to come aud make
their home with him.
Very gladly Faith accepted the offer
from Uncle Ethan, but finding it im
possible to convert their effects into
cash, owing to "hard times," she left
the claim in charge of a renter and de
cided to make the journey by wagon.
Many of the young claim-holders in
that part of Nebraska would have been
happy to have married the girl, but
she cared for none of them.
Tbe travelers had now reached a
point a little south of the centre of
Kansas, and were pressing on toward
Uncle Ethan's ranch as fast as the
jaded mules could drrw them. Faith
was anxious to reach their destination,
as the school near her unole's home
was waiting for her.
It was a lonely aud desolate sight
that met the girl's eyes as they moved
slowly along over the brown, cheerless
prairie. For miles no sign of human
habitation broke the wild monotony,
save at long intervals, when a lonely
sod shanty or a dug-out could be seen
nestling iu the rank dead grass.
It was about four in the evening
when Faith drove the weary mules
down a little slope that led into a low,
winding valley. A scant growth of
craggy elms and ghostly sycamores
and oottouwoods skirted the small
crooked stream, with dense thickets
of wild plum and persimmon scattered
here and there.
A quick glance about decided Faith
to stop here for the night. She was
just turning from the rutty road into
grassy glade, when there was a sharp
jolt, and one of the wheels suddenly
went down into a deep, rain-washed
gully, accompanied by a sound of
breaking timbers. . 1
Au involuntary cry of dismay
scaped the driver as she leaned out
FIRELIGHT.
In the linnrt of that (unlit valley
la a voice I need to hear;
In tho swell of that far oft chorus
It rises full and clonr.
And the aheen of a childish benuty
Comns back with Its bloom and'glow,
As the mother slnga In the firelight,
Hocking to and fro.
And lo, as I He here and listen,
The vision changes, and then
In the heart of a "love lit" valley
She Is singing that song again.'
And I catch In the face of our baby
The features I used to know,
As the mother sings In the firelight,
Rocking to and fro.
Albert Bigclow Paine.
OK
H. GIBSON.
and saw that one of the wheels was
broken!
"Oh, Faith! What will we do now?"
cried Clint, as he hurried forward to
view the wreck. Bessie began to cry
bitterly.
"Never mind, dears," said Faith,
bravely. "We cau get the wheel
mended somewhere."
She climbed out of the unfortunate
wagon and with Clint's assistance
began unhitching the team. Bessie,
with tear-wet face, watched them from
under the canvas-cover.
The Bnow storm was increasing in
power and the icy wind blew the flukes
through the long, dead grass with a
sharp, hissing sound.
As the mules were led from the
wagon the sound of approaching hoofs
came through the snow-laden air and
the next instant two men mounted on
sturdy ponies reined in near the broken
vehicle. They were men of about
thirty, bearded, bronzed and clad in
the rough garb usually worn by plains
men. Broad-brimmed hats covered
their heads and a brace of heavy
revolvers was stuck into their wide
leathern belts.
To one unaccustomed to the dress
and manners of plainsmen the Bndden
appearance of these men might have
induced a feeling akin to terror. But
during the two years and a half whioh
Faith had spent on the Nebraska
frontier, she had grown used to such
types of Western character.
"Good eveuin', ma'am," said Ike
Barolay, dismounting from his pony.
"Had a break-down, I see. Bad job!"
he remarked, examining the broken
wheel.
"Yes, sir," answered Faith. "Is
there a place near here where I can
get the wheel mended?"
"Wa-al, thar's ole Berger's black
smith shop over by Pete Miley's store,
but it's plumb three mile from hyer,"
replied Ike.
Faith looked troubled.
"Whar's yer men folks?" inquired
Ike, glancing around.
"There are no men with us," re
turned Faith.
"Wot! Yer don't mean to say yer
travelin' alone with only them two
kids?" said Jim Hunoock.
"Yes," answered Faith, simply.
"We are from Nebraska aud are on
our way to our uncle's ranch on the
Arkansas Kiver in this State."
"W al, I'll be switched!" ex-
olaimed Jim, growing a little red in
the face, as lie quickly reminded him
self that he was iu the presence of a
woman.
"Yer 'see, ma'am," explained Ike,
"it Beems plumb cur'ous like to see a
woman travelin' alone over this lone
some kentry iu sich weather. But I'll
tell yer wot Jim an' nie'll do for yer.
If yer willin' to trust us, we'll tote
that wheel over to ole Berger's shop
an' git him to fix it up for yer."
"I hate to trouble you so much,"
said Faith.
"It'll be no trouble to us, ma'am,"
Jim assured her. "Ike an me was
goin' over to Pete Miley's store any
way." Assisted by his companion, Ike
soon had the wagon propped up and
the broken wheel removed.
Turning to Faith, Jim said: "Ma'am,
it's goin' to be rough weather to-night,
an' I reckon a cabin with a fire-place
would be right smart better thau
oampin' hyer iu the wagon. Thar's a
good cabin beyond thet patch o' tim
ber belongs to afrieud o' ourn a chap
who's visitiu' his ole home in Illinoy.
Yer welcome to take the kids an' camp
thar, if yer will."
"I'd be very thankful for shelter
from this storm," said Faith. "If the
owner wouldn't care "
"He's not one o' them kind this
friend o' ourn in Illinoy. He's open
hearted as a summer day, au' the most
go-ahead young settler in these parts,"
said Jim.
Ike led the way to the absent man's
cabin, which was on the other side of
the timber from where the wagon had
stopped. It was a new log structure,
tightly daubed with lime aud sand.
There wan a snug fire-place in one
corner aud the room contained a table,
four chairs aud a bet. The deer rifle
thrown across antlers above the door,
aud a man's old straw hat, a coat aud
blue jeaus overalls on pegs near the
head of the bed proclaimed the fact
that the owner must be a bachelor.
Jim Boon made u roaring fire ou tho
open hearth. Then, after he aud Ike
had transferred such things as Faith
needed from the wagon to the cabin,
they mounted their ponies and rode
away, carrying the crippled wheel be
tween them. They assured Faith that
they would fetch it back that night.
When the claim-holders, Ike Barc
lay and Jim Hancock, reached the
blacksmith shop, just back of Miley's
general store, they tumbled the wheel
to the ground, just as Berger. tall,
gaunt and dust-blackened, was closing
np for the night.
"Hold on, Berger!" called Jim,
springing from his pony and begin
ning to piiHh the whool into the shop.
"Wo want this wheel mended up right
away to-night!"
"Yes, an' do a good job none o'
yer blotchin'!" put in Ike. "We'll pay
yer when ye finish."
Berger took the wheel and set to
work immediately to repair it. Jim
and Ike hitched their ponies back of
tho shop, where they were out of the
keen wind.
Then they started toward Miley's
store. Panning before one of the win
dows, they peered within. Miley was
tying up a pnekage for a short, fat man
with a ragged red woolen scarf around
his neck, while a solitary figure was
warming at the stove in the back part
of the store.
Suddenly an exclamation burst from
Jim, and he pointed toward the man
by the stove:
"Look, Ike! If thnr ain't Bob Wood
I'll swaller thet wheel!"
"Yer light, by ginger!" ejaculated
Ike, as he peered in above the rim of
frost on the pane at a well-built, hand
some yonng man, about thirty, who,
divested of hat. and overcoat, was giv
ing himself a thorough warming at
Pete Miley's rust-begrimed Btove.
"Wot'Il Bob say?"
" 'Bout his cabin?"
"Yes."
"Lightniu' an' razors! I never
thought o' thet!"
"Say, Ike, I've got an idee!" whis
pered Jim. "We can have a good-joke
on Rob the best thing out!"
"Wot is it?"
Jim whispered a few words into
Ike's ear. Ike broke into a chnckle
of merriment.
"We'll do it, by jimson!" he ex
claimed. "It won't hurt thet leetle
woman, and it will pay Bob back for
some o' his own everlastin' jokes on
us."
Entering the store, they spoke to
Miley, then strode back to the stove
to greet their follow claim-holder.
"Jest got back, Rob?" they asked,
as they shook his hand warmly.
"Yes; just got in on the four o'clock
train, and walked over from the station.
What's the news?" he asked.
"News?" repeated Jim, assuming a
long and reflective visage. "Wa-al,
nothin' much, 'ceptin' ole Kiler's sold
out an' left. An' lemme Bee; yes,
thar's Sukehouse, he got throwed by
his broncho an' broke his collar bone.
Us galloots have been doin' wot we
could to patch him up. An' then,
thar's some new settlers comiu' iu
lately an' wantin' timber claims, an'
jumpin' 'em, too, when they get a
chance. But how did yer find the
folks back yonder iu Illinoy?"
"All well aud happy," replied Rob
Wood. "But what's this you say
about claim-jumpers?"
"Oh, yes! I reckon yer beerd 'bout
yer claim, an' thet's hurried yer back,"
remarked Ike.
"My claiml What do you mean?"
and Rob Wood's blue eyes dilated
widely.
"I thought maybe yer'd beerd 'bout
it 'fore now," said Jim, very inno
cently. "Wa-al, yer see yer claim
has been kinder jumped a family
moved into yer shanty. They have,
by ginger!"
"L)o you mean to say that some low
down sneak has dared to jump my
claim while I've been gone?" he cried,
a sudden flame of anger mounting to
his handsome face.
"Looks powerfully thet way," re
turned Jim. "Seed a kivered wagon
thar, an' smoke pourin' out o' yer
chimney as we rid over hyer."
With a quick stride Rob Wood
walked out of the store, got his horse
from the stable, where it had been
kept during his abseuoe, and was soon
galloping away through the snowy
dusk of the early evening.
When he was beyond earshot of
Miley's store the two conspirators
went off into roars of laughter, after
which they let the old store-keeper
into their joke.
"It's a good one on Wood," said
Miley.joining heartily in the laughter,
"an' calls for cigars at Rob's expense,
don't it?" said Jim.
"Exactly," agreed Ike.
"Good enough!" said Miley, as he
handed out tho box of his choicest
cigars.
"Wonder if Rob won't git mad at
us?" said Ike.
"No; a feller thet can give as good
jokes as Rob can can take one on him
self," answered Jim.
Meantime, Rob Wood, his brain full
of wrath at the unprincipled persons
who had "jumped his claim." was
nettl ing his cabin. He was too angry
to heed the snow and the cutting
northwest wind. One purpose ruled
him to order the claim-jumpers off
his land at once.
He rode into the persimmon thicket,
where he left his horse out of the
storm. Then he strode rapidly toward
the cabin.
"If they go out quietly there will be
no trouble, but if they refuse to go "
He did not finish the sentence, but
his eyes flushed threateniugly.
Little Bessie was alone at the cabin,
Faith and Clint having gone to the
dugout stable to make the mules com
fortuble for the night.
The little girl was holding the door
partly open, while she looked wouder
ingly upward at the vast descent of
the snow. The glow of the fire-pluce
fell upon her and made her look like a
snow bound fairy. She gave a start as
Rob Wood suddenly appeared before
her iu the snow-covered path.
"Where's your pa, little girl?" asked
Rob, as he pushed past her.
"He's gone," answered Jlessie, look
ing shyly at this abrupt visitor.
"Gone! Where to?" he asked.
"Gone to Heuben," said the little
girl, simply.
"Humph!" ' muttered Rob, to him
self. "1 didn't know claim-jumpers
went there!"
Then he glanced hastily around tho
room. There was his table bearing
the remnants of a supper, while in an
opposite corner a few boxes aud some
bedding were stacked away.
"Well," he said, dryly, "it's very
plain they hove come to stay."
Besides, remembering how Faith
always treated her company, closed
the door, aud brought a chair np to
the fire-place.
"Won't you have a seat an' warm?"
she asked, looking into the young
man's handsome face.
"No, little one," ho answered
quickly, but the severe expression ou
his face changed to one of tenderness
as ho gazed down into tho pretty, in
nocent eyes of the tiny hostess. He
liked children, and, banishing for the
time being the thought that some of
her folks wero doing him great nu
kinducss in thus appropriating bis
claim, ho gave her a paper of mixed
candies, which be had bought at
Miley's. Ho bod just recoived Bes
Rio's thanks when the door opened
and Faith entered tho cabin.
The eyes of Faith Haskins and Rob
Wood met in one long, searching
glance. She turned pale and leaned
back against the door. Rob was him
self at first too agitated to speak.
Recovering himself, however, he ap
proached the girl.
"Faith! Faith Haskins!" he cried.
"Is it, indeed, you?"
"Yes, Rob," sho managed to artic
ulate. "I never expected to see you
again."
She had a struggle to keep the tears
back. The sight of Rob Wood had
brought the past all back aud made
her feel straugoly weak and un
nerved. "Como, Faith," said Rob, taking
her hand with a touch that thrilled
her, "sit down by the fire thore and
tell mo all about your lifo since you
left Illinois."
A few minutes later, when Clint
came in, he found Bessio sitting coz
ily on the knee of a fine-looking
stranger by the fire-place, while
Faith, in a chair opposite him, was
tolling how they came to be there.
It was about two hours later when
Ike and Jim returned with the mend
ed wheel. They were somewhat sur
prised to find Rob at the covered
wagon whistling away to himself, as if
he was the happiest man on those
prairies.
"Hello, Rob!" they called. "Wot
of them claim-jumpers?"
"They've got possession and are
going to keep it," he returned.
Then Ike and Jim laughed and Rob
joined in heartily.
"Well, boys, you've had your joke
and now I'll toll you how it's turned
out," said Rob. "Back in Illinois
this brave little woman, Faith Has
kins, and I went to school together.
Our parents were near neighbors and
we were lovers from childhood. But
her father didn't think I was much ac
count for anything but to twang a
guitar or fiddle, so when he started to
Nebraska with his family he told me
frankly his objections and that I must
not think of Faith. Hut I did think
of her and went ou loving her more
than ever. I gave up my idle habits,
taught school a few terms, thou came
here and took this timber cluim.
When I had a good homo of my own
to offer her I intended to hunt Faith's
folks up and win her. It was chiefly
to get on their track that I went back
to my old home. From one of tho
neighbors I found out that Mr. and
Mrs. Haskins were both dead and
Faith was still unmarried. That's why
I hurried back. I was going to make
things a little more oomfortable at my
cabin. Then I was goiug up into Ne
braska to find Fuith. But a kind
baud guided her to my cabin out of
the storm, aud neither she nor the
children shall suffer for the comforts
of this life as long as I am able to
work for them. I am goiug to go
with them to their uncle's ranch on
the Arkansas River. But just as soon
as Faith's visit there is finished she is
coming back with ine. You under
stand me, boys?"
"Wa-al, now, I'm not tho dullest ole
grub-hoe on these prairies, I reckon!"
returned Ike, with a grin. Now York
Ledger.
A Dainty Ureatli.
If the breath is tainted after eating
onions, drink strong coffee uoir, or
ohew coffee berries, or a stick of cinna
mon, and wash the mouth out with
camphor and myrrh. The following
recipe can be used with grent advan
tage for unpleasant breath: Powdered
charcoal, one part; white sugur, one
part; chocolate, three pin ts; melt and
mix together, and eat iu the form of
lozenges. The teeth must always be
kept perfectly clean, and should be
well brushed with salt aud charcoul
every now ami then, 'feu drops of
myrrh in a glass of warm water should
also be used to rinse out the moulh
aud to brush the teeth every few duys.
New York World.
Hell of the Blue and the (.ray.
Chapluiu Tuttle's historic bull hangs
in Ht, Mark's Church, Chicago, and is
one of the seven wonders of the city.
Tuttle wuschupluiu at Camp Dourluss,
aud through his efforts a chapel was
built seating 600 people. 'J he bell for
the chupel waa cust from the copper
aud silver coins contributed by the
garrison and prisoners of war lit the
ramp iu 1864. After the war Chaplain
Tuttle founded St. Murk'sChurob, aud
the Government allowed him to hung
the bell of the blue uud gray in the
steeple. New York Muil aud Ex
press. Men Who Itoweil Washington's Uoat.
When Washiugtou crossed the Dela
ware ou Christmas night, 1776, the
boats which curried the men to meet
the British were muiiued by twenty
two brave men from Beverly, Muss. In
remembrance of the event their de
scendant have just held auniversury
exercises iu their memory at the rooms
cf the Historical Society of that place.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Two I'aealnne Two Hard Caafa Two's
Company An Illustration Wasting
Dnoil MoneyA Wlw ChlltlA Modern
Induration I'ractlral finance, Ktc.
A woman looka into a glass
I'litll she's fascinated;
A man looka In another kind
Till be'a intoxicated.
Philadelphia Dullclln.
Two tlartt Cases
"You have a hard case," said tho
lawyer.
"So did the safe," said tho burglar,
"but I cracked it." Tho Ledger.
An Illustration.
Husband "That little Jones boy
seems to bo remarkably fond of enke."
Wife "Extremely! Why, he even
fats his mother's home-made cakel"
Puck.
Twoe Company.
Mr. Wilborfurce "What do you
think of the third party, Miss Pirn
ling?" Miss Dimliug "Oh, I always do
tested a chnperon." Louisvillo Courier-Journal.
Wasting (lootl Monev.
Charles Bragg "Yes, Miss Bright
ly, it costs me ten thousand a year to
live."
Miss Brightly "Oh, Mr. Bragg, do
you think it's worth it?" Boston
Traveller.
A Wis Child.
Mamma "Ethol, what do you mean
by shouting in that disgraceful fash
ion? See how quiet Willie is."
Ethel "Of course bo's quint. That's
our game. He's pnpa coming homo
ate and I'm you."
Practical Finance.
Jones "They say our circulation
is twenty-two dollars per capita. Now,
you haven't twenty-two dollars, have
you?"
Smith "Yes; I have."
Jones "Have you? Loud mo five,
will you?" ruck.
A Modern Kdiicallon.
Proud Mother "At lust, my dear
your education is finished, and yon
have diplomas from the highest, seats
of learning in the world."
Cultured Daughter (wearily) "Yes,
and now I'm too old to marry." New
York Weekly.
Work of the Nti-lng Hand.
Tourist "What is that crowd over
tho way?"
Native "That's our string band."
Tourist "Preparing to give an eu
lertainmeuV, I suppose?"
Native "Yes; going over the river
to lynch a horse thief." Chicago
News.
Colmnliil.'a Mistake.
Teacher "Did Columbus know that
he discoverved a now continent?"
Class--"No; ho thought it was In
dia." Teacher "Correct. Why did ho
think he hud found India?"
Bright Boy- -"I s'pose it was Vouso
tho inhabitants was Indians." New
York Weekly.
Why the !lmn" la llumli.
The children hud written composi
tions on the giraffe. They were read
ing them aloud to tbe class. At lust
the time came for little Willie to read
his. It was as follows:
"The giraffe is a dumb animal and
cannot express himself by any sound,
because its neck is so long its voice
gets tired on its way to its mouth."
From Little Willie.
"I had an adventure the other even
tug, "auid Miss Autumn to a neighbor ou
whom she was calling. "It was quite
dark and I saw a strange man just
ahead of me and I ran until I was
nearly exhausted."
"And did the man get away from
you?" asked little Willie, who was
listening. Chicago News.
lie Knew the HunKcm..
"What did thut man wuut?" usked
the druggiat.
"A pint of whisky," said tho now
clerk, who was on trial for a week.
"Did he have a prescription?"
"No."
"Well, what did you do?"
"I wrote one for him."
"Consider yourself permanently en
gaged." Cleveland Louder.
Juat lilt It.
Thompson " Something worrying
you, Newman?"
Newman "Forgotten what my
wife ordereil this morning. 1 remem
ber that, ut the time, I thought, 'Well,
that's a sad subject.' Wbut could it
hove been?"
Thompson "Was it awd-irons?"
Newman "t hat's just what it was
three sad-irons!" Judge.
The New ihi.
The typewriter girl is never dis
couraged. On answering au ad. the
principal of the establishment said to
her: .
"I am very sorry, Mias, but you
came too lute. I have already en
gaged a young man stenographer."
"Well, introduce me to him. Per
haps I can marry him, aud then 1
can take his place," wus the prompt
respousee." New York World.
(reut Nchelllc.
Watson "Now is your chance, old
man, to get in ou the ground floor of
my new company. Stock is sure to
be at a premium before the month is
out."
Bjenks "What's your scheme?"
Watson "Company organized to
stuud, by when the returning Klon
dike shake the dust of Alaska from
their feet, and gather up the dust, uud
smelt out the gold iu it.w Somervilla
Journal.
C000-BYE, SWEETHEART
'(lood-byc. Sweet hen rtl"
Long after we had nrted, love.
The tender words rang In my ears:
They seemed to ceho from the sphere
That smiled upon us from above.
"Hood-bye, Sweetheart!'
"(iood-bve. Sweetheart!"
My soul forgot the sordid cares
resting the tide of time and chance;
I was the ipieeii of love's romance.
And breathed l.ut love's ambrosial airs.
'I lood-byc. Sweetheart!"
"(lood-bye. Sweetheart !"
f.et fortune frown and fate alarm.
Let me be check bv Jowl with pain.
This precious phrase shall it 111 remain
Au amulet to cheer ami elmi-m.
"Uood-bye, Sweetheart!"
New York Homo Journal.
IUMOR OF THE DAY.
"Why, Teddy, dear, what is tho
mutter? Don't you like asparagus?"
"Yes, Mrs. ISirchuin, but the handles
are so hot!" Trained Motherhood.
Hattie "Maude doesn't show het
ago at all, does she?" Ella "No, but
you can see w here she scratched it out
of tho family llilile." Chicago News.
Site "Don't you think it is dan
gerous to eat mushrooms?" Jle
"Not a bit of danger in it. The dan
ger is iu eating toadstools:." Chicago
News.
"Did yon read about that minco pie
ten feet in diameter, .Airs. Jones?"
"Yes; but I presume my husband's
mother bus made bigger ones." Chi
cago Record.
Frances (aged six, who loves her
kitty) "Are you happy, mamma?"
Mamma "Yes, dear. Why?" Fran
ces (listening) "I don't hear you
purr!" Harper's Bazar.
Edith "She sings like a canary."
Bertha "Oh, no; a canary begins to
sing when people commence to talk;
people commence to talk w hen she be
gins to'sing." Boston Transcript.
"So old Blackstono, tho lawyer, ob
jected to your calling on his daughter
last night, did he?" "Yes; but 1 fixed
it all right. Asked for a stay, and it
was granted." Cincinnati Commer
cial. Sho "Tho Bicylo Gazette offers a
prize for tho best article on any sub
ject connected with the wheel." He
"Why not send in au essay on 'How
to Mend a Whool with a Hairpin?"
Puck.
"I have had to" quit playing chess
with Tompkins." "Why?" "Well,
he gets mad if I get interested and
beat him; and he gets mad if I get
sleepy and let him beat mo." Chicago
Record.
Gallagher "Me grandfather iu the
onld country hud more money thau ho
could count." Donuhoo "Oi have
heard, bedad, tliot the old man could
not count more thin tin." Indiana
polis Journal.
"What do you ineuu," asked tho
city editor, "by comparing tho air to
frozen quinine?" "1 meant to say,"
soid tho now reporter with proud hu
mility, "that it was bitter cold." In
diuuupolia Journal.
Hungry Biggins "What do you
think of this hero football, anyway?"
Weary Watkins "There is something
in it called u rush line, ain't they?"
"Yaus." "Well, that ain't my "lino."
Indiuuoplis Journal.
"I asked the young woman in front
of mo to remove her big hut so I could
see the stage." "Did sho do it?"
"No; sho said if she held her hut in
her lap she couldn't see tho stage her
self." Chicago Record.
"Bridget, did you bring up that jur
of blackberries I asked you to
bring?" "I did, mom?" "You are
sure they are blackberries, are you?"
"Yes, mum; but I hud to open a dozen
ja-ars lief nre I found them." Chicago
Tribune.
"I suppose I can have your vote for
851)0," auid the promoter. "Not
milch," replied the legislator. "My
price is $1000." "But last Monday
you offered it to mo for j.lllO. " "Oh,
well, that was bargain day." Chicago
Evening 1'ost.
"I (Iochu' reckon dat yob's gwiuter
get you all's pay film dat ar'concs, n,"
said the colored porter. "Why rt?"
asked the collector, " i'liey have i,oun
assets." "Yes, sur; dey has dime,
But dey isu' equal to dull uurcli.ihilp
ties." Washington Slur.
The early bird gets caught by the
milliner. Nature begins fools, and
women finish them. Homo is that
dear place where we are not afraid to
break crackers into our oyster soup.
Talking is like riding awheel; a man
may know when to stop, but may not
kuow how to stop. --Chicago Record.
Attacked hy u ;ihv F.nule.
While Peter Egelston was cutting
railroad ties near Cascade, N. Y., he
found the deserted nest of a gray eugle.
While examining the nest ami its con
tents he heard a loud noise, uud sud
denly the old eatflo hud struck him iu
the face with bill and claws, uud,
tuking a circuit through the air, alighted
on a tree about 200 yards distant, but
iu plaiu view of the nest.
Agaiu the bird made all attack, aim
ing ut Egelstou's head, but he avoided
her, aud she struck him on tho arm,
mukiug u slight wound. She returned
to her post of observation, but ao.m
made a third attack when I'gelstou
struck her with uclubuud brought her
to the ground, where, alter u sevue
struggle, he succeeded iu killing her.
She measured seven feet two inches
across the outstretched wings. Sew
York Press.
Tli Terrible Itum-Hum llullets.
Dum-duui bullets work both nays
on the Indian fioutiers, as the Afiidi
tribesmen are blunting the bullet tips,
too. The two pipers of tho Gordon
Highlanders, w ho distinguished them
selves at Durgai, lost, one his leg, the
other his foot, owing to the teiille
splintering of the bono, caused by tu
"modified" Lte-Metford uiissilea