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VOL. XXX. NO. 35.
TIOxXESTA, PA.. WEDNKSDAY. DEC. 15 1897.
S1.00 PEll ANNUM.
Horseless vehicles are an accom
plished fact. They are now being
drawn by dogs and reindeer in thf
Klondike.
And now conies a scientist who as
serts that the human system is full ol
microbes and that one is healthy jnsl
so long as one's microbes are in good
health. If that's the cae, it clearly
is a mistake to wago war on these lit
tin follows; better treat them well.
Weyler lias left Cuba, but the
memory of his monstrous cruelty wil'
never disappear from that unhappy
island, exclaims the New York Mail
and Express. He goes back to Spain
red-handod with tho blood of his help
less victims, with his honor besmirched,
his name reeking with infamy and his
reputation as a soldier forever lost.
Uis departure is like the vanishing of
a hideous pestilence.
There are over 450,000 miles of rail
. way in operation in tho world, and, ac
cording to Robert P. Porter, tho cen
tury will closo with over 500,000. Of
the present number, just about one
half are in this country. The cost of
railroads all over the world, thns far,
has boon $:)(,Go5,000,000, and it is esti
mated that tho street railways cost
2, 500, 000, 000. The railroads employ
ilmoRt 5,000,000 people. These are big
figures, but tho railroads represent a
fast iuterost iu the world's wealth.
Ordinarily peoplo in Canada do not
take sufficient interest iu their poli
tics or politicians to want to kill any
of tho latter. Since Thomas D'Arcy
McGeo was assassinated, about thirty
years ago, nobody appears to have
cared enough about any Canadian
statesman to expend any powder on
him, Preinior Sir Wilfrid Laurier,
therefore, who. has just bcon fired at,
ought to feel complimented. "Happy
man," exclaimed old Dr. Arbuthnotto
a paMtit dyingwith a pecnlar malady,
"you'ftave revived a disease which
has been dead six centuries."
In the opinion of tho Philadelphia
Press expert testimony of all sorts
in our courts has become disgrace
ful. Tho law iu many States has
now recognized the necessity of pay
ing more than the ordinary wit
ness fees to experts, so that there is a
pecuniary recognition of its value.
The three experts in tho liarbieri trial
in New York received from the county
$7250. The fees given experts yearly
in any one of our large cities would
probably pay twioo over the annuul
salary of permanent, experts, but at
present there is nothing permuueut
about an export but his fee.
Iu his recent address before the
English Church Congress, the Arch
bishop of Canterbury gave somo ad
vice to workinguieu, speaking as a
workingmau himself. Ho had bceu
left fatherless, he said, at tho age of
thirteen, and had been obliged to earn
his own living since he was seventeen,
lie had known what it was to do with
out a fire, because he could not afford
it, and to wear patched clothes and
boots. He learned to plow as straight
' . as furrow as any mau in the parish,
and he could thrash as well as auy
njau. If, he added, the workingmau
jvould pqictico self-restraint, would
never waste his wages iu drink, but
find happiuess iu the love of home
and family, he would find little of the
burdens of life or of tho inequality
whiclwas inevitable.
A French statistician has recently
drawn up a very interesting, docu
ment showing in what time certain
frontier towns at various periods could
bo reaehod from Paris. ,or conven
ient purposes the statistician hnf
chosen the years 1650, 1782,1834, 1851
and 1897. In 1650 it took five ilayf
to go from Paris to Calais. One hun
dred and thirty-seven years later,
1782, the duration of the journey had
been reduced to sixty hours. Iu
1834 it had fallen to twenty-eight
hourB, and in 1854 to six hours and
forty minutes. To-day ono of the
boat expresses takes three hours and
forty-two minutes. The journey to
Strasburg took 218 hours iu 1650, 108
hours in 1782, ten hours and fortj
miuutea in 1854, and to-day a matter
eight hours and twenty minutes. The
difference for Marseilles is still more
phenomenal. From fifteen days iu
1650 the duration of the journey was
reduced to eighty hours in 1834, and
. to-day it tukes twelve and a hull
hours. The distance from Paris to
.Bayouue two centuries ago took 388
hours; to-day it occupies eleven hours
and eleven minutes. Brest cau be
reached in thirteen hours and thirty
seven minutes, while iu 1650 it took
270 hours. Filially fur Havre, ninety
seven hours was considered quick
traveling in 1650. It took fifteen
hours iu 17H2 and seven hours iu 1834.
To-duy it is a matter of three hours
and fifteen minutes.
DO NOT BORROW 1 ROUBLE.
Only a day at a thns. '.?neo mny never bo a to-morrow.
Only a any at a t ime, and Unit we can live. Wo know
The trouble we cannot bear Is only the trouble we borrow.
And the trials that never come are the ones that fret as so.
Only a step at a time. It mny be the angels bend o'er us
To bear us above the stones that wound our feet by the way.
The step that Is hardest of all Is not the one Just before us,
And the path wo dread the most may be smoothed another day.
if
ON THE SOUTH SIDE.
ililillllllllll&liliilllllllll
HEY had boen in
six room flats
and nine room
houses, np stairs
and down,
through block
after bl jck of bo
w i 1 d e r i n g
streets, in all
the dust and
heat of an early spring day; so, when
her aunt Btopped in front of another
office, Sara gave a little gasp of de
spair before resigning herself to the
inevitable. That it was inevitable she
well knew, for Aunt Jane never did
anything by halves, and when she was
house hunting, allowed no real cstato
signs to escape her watchful eye.
As they went in, a gray haired man
came forward to meet them with the
businesslike air of courtesy that Sara
had come to consider more provoking
than rudeness. A yonng man at a desk
in the corner glanced np indifferently,
but continuod to look, with a strange
expression on his face. Sa a saw him,
and conscious that her cheeks were
reddening, turned abruptly about to
examiuo the cards on the bulletin
board. That one quick glance- had
brought back the scenes of the pleas
antest summer Sara had ever known
the summer when Alan Slocum had
spoiled it all by quarreling with her.
How could she ever have been so
careless as not to uotico the sign over
tho door? He was probably thinking
at that very moment that her appear
ance there was a matter of her own
conniving. What a long, tiresome
talk her aunt was having with the
senior partner I Sara could catch bits
of sentences here and there, about
furnaces, calcimine, and hardwood, so
she knew they had gone from tho ab
stract to the concrete. By the time
she had read the list of houses and
flats four times over, the agent turned
from her aunt to the young man, aud
Sara's heart sank as she heard his
words.
"If yon have nothing else on hand,
Al," he said, "I wish you'd take these
la lies over to tho Kimbark Avenue
house for mo. I've got to wait for
Brooks."
Tho young man bowed, aud, picking
np his hat, followed them out of the
office. He ignored Sara almost com
pletely, aud, walking by her aunt, be
gan to speak of tho desirable quali
ties of Woodlawn.
"It is very pretty here," Baid Aunt
Jaue. "I had almost despaired of
finding a house in so popular a local
ity when my niece discovered your
sign."
"I didn't discover it," said Sara
rather hastily. "You spoke of tho of
fice." "Well, what difference does it make?
So much more credit to me," her aunt
said easily. "My sister broke her leg
at the last minute, and I am doiug her
house hunting for her," she added,
turning to the young mau at her side.
Alau Slocum smiled sympathetically.
"It is extremely wearing work," he
said pleasantly. "From what part of
the city did you come, Mrs. "
"Mrs. Harris," replied Aunt Jane.
"From the far north side, and it's going
to cost a small fortune to get them
moved down here, too."
It w as something of a relief to get to
the house at last.
"Hard wood iu both rooms, you no
tice, Sara," her aunt was saying. "Gas
grate, bay window, side porch let's
see the pantry. That turn iu the stairs
will make a good place for the clock,"
she went on, as she started on a tour
of inspection of the second floor. "Five
bed rooms, Which will you have,
Sara?"
"The second, I suppose," said Sara
somewhat listlessly. "Mother'll have
the front."
"There's a pretty little balcony out
tide of your window, you see," said
Aunt Jaue.
"Yes," said Sara slowly. "A cor
dial invitation to strolling burglars."
"I declare, you're the most provok
ing girl I ever saw," her aunt said
wearily. "After I've come all tho way
from Edgewater to select a house for
you, you might, at least, take a little
interest in the one I select."
"I do, Aunt Jane," said Sara, try
iug to speak lightly. "I'm just tired,
I suppose."
"Well, you hurry along and buy the
tickets fur home," said Aunt Jaue, re
lenting, "aud I'll go over to the olllce
with Mr. "
"Jarvis," said Alau, without wink
ing. "Jarvis, I'll take the house, subject
to approval, if that is satisfactory."
Sara hurried away and bought her
tickets for the express to tho city, glad
of a few minutes iu which to collect
her thoughts. She walked up aud
down outside the turnstile aud tried
to persuade herself that she wished
Alau Slocum in the moon rather than
on the next street to her future home.
She gave up trying, however, for she
could not thiuk connectedly, owing to
the shrill cries of a uewsboy aud the
diabolical whistle of a popcorn stand.
Aunt Jaue hove iu sight before long,
aud they went through the stile to
gether. "Such a nice young mau, that Mr.
Jarvis, Sara," said her auut. "I)id
you notice him?"
"I never heard tho name before,"
said Sara, peering up the track in the
wrong direction. "What did you do
about the house?"
8K
!
if
"I thought tho safest thing to do
was to take it," Aunt Jane said. "Mr.
Jarvis said there were three people to
see it this morning and fivo yesterday,
bo I was afraid to wait."
They day they moved it rained a
cold, disheartening drizzle, that made
Sara exceedingly low spirited and
rather bitter in regard to wet feet and
spots on her rosewood piano.
There wore delays in getting off, for
Aunt Jane had to aco that everything
was securely packed, that tho movers
were not intoxicated, aud that the jan
itor's wife did not forget to clean up
after them; bo, by tho time Sara's well
nigh distracted mother had been es
corted to the home of a kindly neigh
bor, aud Aunt Jane had gone back for
the fourth time to tell her brother-in-law
not to forget the ice box ou the
last load, Sara felt sure that the slow
est of wagons must have reached the
new Lome.
The long journey over at last, her
feeblo attempt at rejoicing was sud
denly chocked at the sight of the van
backed up to the curb with the dining-
room furniture strewn over tho lawn
for companionship.
"Looks like a suin'nor gardon," said
Sara, trying to disoovor whether the
canary was drowned. "Some one had
sense enough to cover tho things, any
way." A man on tho neat stuck something
into a box at his feet and poked his
head around tho side.
"We can't git in," ho said in kindly
explanation. "There ain't any key
here.
"Wo took some o' thom things out
first, said a mau who was sitting do
jectedly on tho tailboard, "and then we
couulu t git em back again, so wo left
'em out."
"Leave the bird with me, Sara,"
said Aunt Jane rather sharply, "and
go to the oluce for -the key at once.
Sara Btarted off willingly enough,
though tho water was swishing and
squashing iu her rubbers, aud her
Lead ached. It was pleasauter to walk
than to Btaud still until she remem
bered where she was going, and then
she wished her aunt had sent one of
the nieu. She felt she could not go
into the office again, and cast about
eagerly for a substitute. Across the
street a small boy was strolling along,
kicking out his left foot at each Btep
to make a loose sole flap back into
place, aud idly slashing at puddles
with a switch as he passed. Sara
hailed him. For the inducement of a
nickel, tho youth consented to walk
half a block and deliver a message,
aud Sara, somewhat relieved, lowered
her umbrella iu the shelter of a
friendly drug store. By tho timo she
was beginning to wonder what had be
come of him, the boy ret urned, flapping
uis loot with renewed energy, and,
planting himself in front of her, piped
up:
"First thiug, I waut my nickel!"
Sara was iu haste, so forbearing to re
prove him, she paid her debt and de
manded to know the result of the
errand.
"Feller says he ain't never Been me
before, aud he's sorry, but some one
he knows is got ter come for tho key."
Sara's face flushed, and she hesitated
a minute. It was a choice betweeu an
awkward position aud no home, bo
she chose the lesser evil aud made her
way to the office. Alau met her at the
door.
"I trust you will pardon me,
madam," he said courteously, "for
making you come out iu the rain, but
I believe you see that I could not think
of giving the key of auy house to a
little street gauiiu."
"The key should have been at the
house," said Sara stifHy. "Our furni
ture ia being ruined, bo I will be obliged
to you if you will give me the key as
quickly as possible.
"Certainly, at once," Baid Alan, who
seemed to have difficulty in finding it,
"I his is it. If you would like it,
madam, I will stop at the house on my
way home to Bee if thero is auything
to be done there."
Sara wondered if she had evor told
him how much she hated to be called
"madam."
"Thauk you," she said coldly. "If
there is anything else father will come
for it."
Al'i opened her umbrella for her,
aud, with a frigid nod, she started
rapidly for home, trying to thiuk out
some way to explain her delay to the
poor, forlorn lady awaiting her.
Sara's spirits were at low ebb, and
there was no prospect of their rising
again for many a weary day. For two
weeks it rained steadily, the canary
refused to sing, the chimney smoked,
the pipes leaked, the plumbers struck,
aud Sara, unable to gut away from her
disturbing thoughts, "settled" with
praiseworthy diligence She had told
herself mauy times before that it was
easy to forget; hut now, with little else
to thiuk of, she fouud it was only too
easy to remember. As she put things
away, or unpacked boxes, nlie wan con
scious of trying to soothe a queer,
constant pain by giving free rein to
her memory. As she laid the sheets
ou the linen shelf, she left with them
the remembrance of boat rides aud
tennis games, of drives and of dunces;
and when she dropped a dinner plate
on the kiteheu floor, it was because
she hud come iu the con rue of her
thinking, to wonder if, after all, Alau
was entirely to blame for the trouble
that had sent him back to the city so
soon.
Finally, the Bun shone upon the
world again weakly, to be sure, but
still with enoug'i strength to dry np
some of the puddles on the frontsteps,
though it failed to bring into Sara's
eyes the light that formerly lurked
there. Like the little girl, Sara had
discovered that her doll was stuffed
with sawdust, and with the egoism of
a pessimist she imagined it was the
only on6 ever fashioned in that wise.
On tho first bright day Mr. Mait
land came home early to take his wife
for a drive, and Sara, declining to
join them, welcomed an opportunity
to bo miserable by herself. She wan
dered about the house listlessly for a
time, and then, sitting at her piano,
she wailed out all the sentimental bal
lads iu her collection, until she came
to one that Alan had spoiled for her
by his theatrical rendition of it in his
Ltiraes of hilarity. She started it, but,
remembering his emotional stagger as
he sang "1 go where honor calls me,"
nhe gave it up, and, bringing both
hands down ou the keys with a bang,
cried "Oh, dear I" in a mournful,
homesick wail that betokened the
nearness of tears. Then, hearing a
slight noise behind her, she abruptly
wheelod about on the piano stool and
faced Alau Slocum, with the quick
color flaming in her cheeks.
"I bog your pardon," he said, and
Sara fancied ho was trying not to
laugh. "Tho maid evideutly thought
you saw me."
Sara rose. "My father is not at
home," she said distantly. "Is there
anything I can do for you?"
"At what time will Mr. Maitland re
turn?" Alau asked, looking at his
watch. -
"Possibly not for two hours," Sara
replied recklessly. "Will you come
in and wait?"
Alan raised his eyebrows. "I think
not," he Baid, quietly. "It is half
past five now. I will leave the lease
with you, if you will bo kind enough
to give it to your father when he re
turns." "Certainly, as Boon as he comes in."
Sara took the formidable-looking docu
ment and bowed him out with a cold
"Good evening, Mr. Jarvis," that
froze poor Alan's boyish spirits.
Whatever he had intended to say was
left unsaid, aud he strode away with a
swinging step and his head held high
in the air. If he had looked around
and seen the miserable face watchiug
him from behind the curtain, he would
have come back; but he didu't.
There were many errands to bo done
in town that week, bo Sara undertook
them one bright morning, in a fren
zied desire to be doing something
rather than to be longer iu lonely idle
ness. The express had goue when
she reached the station, bo she leisurely
mounted the "local" stairs and strolled
along tho platform, looking into the
cars for ono whore she could be undis
turbed for the next hour. Tho car
next tho smoker held a gay party of
young people inteut on an excursion,
and their laughter so jarred on Sara's
loneliness that she quickened her
steps to the second car. Here the
prospect waspleasaut, with the excep
tion of three children racing up aud
down the aisle, bo Sara passed on to
the last car, which she virtually had
to herself. Across the aisle was a
benevolent-looking old gentleman,
and iu a side seat a mau was so busily
reading a newspaper that she could
see nothing of him save eight fingers
and two long legs.
The train started np by tho time
Sara had read over her shopping list
and calculated her expenses, so she
put the list in her purse again, and
looked up to find that the young mau
had folded up his paper aud was look
ing at her with the familiar, quizzical
smile of Alau Slocum. She looked
ont of the window, but the quick color
flamed iuto her cheeks, aud she
wished she had not oouie. Her atten
tion was apparently riveted on the
scene before her, but she was fully
aware that Alan had coine across to
take the seat facing her, before he
spoke.
"Good morning," ho said genially.
"The snu is a pleasaut Bight agaiu,
isn't it?"
Sara was proud of hor presence of
mind as she turned toward him with a
chilly "You have tho advantage of
me, sir."
Alan cocked his head on ono side.
"Yes," he said, no whit discon
certed, "iu being able to sit opposite
yon."
The benevolent old gentleman half
rose, aud Sara, iu a pauic, discovered
that he was intending to champion her
cause.
"Why, you're Mr. Jarvis, to be
sure," she said rather hastily. "The
ceiling of the back room leaks."
The old gentleman sat down again.
"Would yon like to have ine come
and look at it?" Alau asked soberly.
"It does worlds of good to have the
agent come aud look at a leak for a
half hour or so every day."
Sara bit her lip aud said nothing.
"Or perhaps you'd rather I'd hire a
substitute," said Alan, "und stand
across the street until he comes back
without the leak?"
"Send a sensible man to mend the
roof," said Sura sharply," and it's all
I'll ask of you."
"I have ribbed, hyperbolized, aud
everlastingly perjured myself to got
you iuto Woodlawn," said Alau tragi
cally, "aud this is my reward."
Sara refused to smile. "I shall be
obliged to you if you will take your
old seat," she said coldly, "aud that
is all."
Alau'a face fell. "I dou't know how
you feel about it, Sura," he replied iu
a grave, tired voice, "but I'm heartily
sick of this confounded stranger busi
ness, and I waut to be friends again.
Don't you?"
"I said straugers, aud it's going to
be strangers," said Sara, with strange
stubbornness, shrugging her shoulders
indifferently.
"Perhaps if I had not hesitated the
first Bummer I mot you, I might have
had a show," said Alau deliberately.
"But I'm a slow fellow when I really
care, and I did so tremendously ad
mire you. That Davenport slid in
ahead of me and I had to step out.
Saraclasped amVunclnsped her purse
aervonsly, but Raid nothing.
"Tho next summer was better," said
Alan, continuing with rather a bitter
smile. "X had a long vacatiou, and
you were good to me. You were Sout h
all the winter, and I thought yon were
glad to see me poor fool that I was!
Davenport didn't turn up at all that
year, and I didn't feel sorry. I was
glad you'd turned him down, because
I was a heathen, aud I didn't know
that even the truest and best of girls
can make a man Buffer like the dickens.
I know it now."
Sara's face was very white. She
looked at Alan, though it hurt her to
sco the tired look in his eyes, and her
lips trembled.
"Oh, Alan, why didn't you tell me?"
she cried, with a little sob in her voice.
"How could I know that yon cared?"
"My dear, my dear, how I did care!"
he said slowly. "How I do care still!"
The color came back to Sara's face,
and a queer little smile brought the
light into her eyes.
"I am what is accounted a lucky fel
low," Alan said in the same strained
voice. "I have had comforts and pleas
ures and luxuries all my life, and have
not carod for one of them. I would
give them all for thnt which I want
most and cannot have."
"You're a spoiled child," said Sara
with an odd little laugh. "You cry,
and you don't know what you cry
for."
"I don't want to know any plainer
than I do now," Alan gravely replied.
"It's too confoundedly hard to boar."
. "You never asked me what I
thought," said Sara gently. "Hasn't
it entered your head that a girl can
care, sometimes, too?"
The train slowed up for a station
with a great deal of noise aud a bustlo
of people passing np and down. The
old gentleman rose sleepily aud tum
bled out upon the platform. Ho
passed down, aud it was quiet again.
After a time a baud of men with mops
and brooms appeared at the door of
the car aud begau to clear up. The
couductor, coming to a decision after
much hesitancy, stuck his head iu at
the othr door:
"Randolph Streot!" he called. "As
far as we go. All out, please!" Em
ma Lee Walton, iu the Puritan.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
Tuberculosis is in England and
Wales the cause of fourteen per cent,
of all male and 13 of all female
deaths.
Some interesting observations con
cerning the physiological effects of
electric currents have been made by
M. Dubois. He finds that tho effect
depends much more upon voltage than
upon intensity.
Lord Kelvin holds that the internal
heat of the earth has nothing to do
with the climates. The earth, he says,
might be of the temperature of white
hot iron two thousand feet below the
surface, or at the freezing point fifty
feet below, without at all affecting a
climate.
Tho mean death-rate in Italy a
mean which takes account of deaths by
malaria, pellagra, aud by tho chronic
malnutrition of bo many unfortunate
regions has sunk in a few years from
twenty-nine per 1000 to below twenty
six. That of Naples, ou the other
hand, from 1879 to 1805 shows but in
significant oscillations from 31.9
to 29.3.
In tho French navy it has bceu fonnd
that the electric search light employed
on men of war injuriously af
fects the eyes of seamen who have to
work about the light, aud dark blue
spectacles are supplied to them for
protection. Brown eyes are less af
fected thau gray or blue ones, the rea
son suggested being that the former
are more heavily charged with pig
ment. A corduroy road made of small cedar
trees, which were iu a perfect state of
preservation, was unearthed tho other
day thirty-eight feet below the surface
of the earth, seven miles east of Ash
tabula, Ohio. Professor Carl Wright,
teacher of geology iu Oberliu College,
who has visited tho spot and examined
the wood, gave it as his opinion that
the wood bus been where it was fouud
since the glacial epoch.
A difficulty encountered in the pre
paration of foundations for the l'uris
International Exhibition of 1800 is the
character of the banks of the Sciue,
which are formed of stone aud earth
filling, resting ou fine sand, easily
washed out during periods of flood.
This difficulty is being overcome by a
new system, devised by M. Louis Du
lac. Wells about two aud one-half
feet iu diameter, placed about six feet
between centres, are sunk to varying
depths down to about fifty feet by
means of a special pile driver, having
a boring weight of conical form and
these wells are filled with lime aud
cement concrete, which ia rammed
hard by a second weight of different
form.
HhlpbutldiiiK Iu Great llrtlalii.
There are ut the present time eighty
seven warships in the course of eon
structiou iu Greut lirituiu, and of this
naval armament thirty-four ships are
being built for foreign countries.
Nine of the warships are being built
iu Royul Dock Yards, but the rest,
numbering seveuty-eight iu all, are
being built by private firms. Twenty
five are torpedo boat destroyers, repre
senting only 8300 tons. Elswick has
39,737 tons ou the stocks, aud the Low
Walker Company has 19,530 tons.
The Thames iron Works Company is
building a lurge man-of-war, und the
Clyde Bunk Company hus also another
biur sliin in hand
THE MER11Y SIDE OF LIFE
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
A Mlsplnred Rlmlle When It I. Knde
An Impossible Combination Murder,
tlie (Joeen'i Own The Obi, old l ln
eloii Challenged a Generalisation, Ktc.
I to the florist one day wont
And ordered quite a lot of roses
And to my love I had thom sent
With verses like a swain composes.
Her check wns to the rue compared
(I'm quite a clever fellow)
But none of this the florist knew
The rose ho sunt was yellow.
The Cornell Widow.
'When It I Rude.
"What is a rude awakening, pa?"
"Well, it is an awakening before 8
o'clock iu tho morning." Chicago
Record.
Murder, the Queen's Own.
Ho "My friend is opposed to every
thing English."
She "Yes, I noticed that in his
conversation."
Challenged a Generalization.
"The child," said tho shoe clerk
boarder, "is father to the man."
"Oh, not always," said the Cheerful
Idiot. "Sometimes it is a girl." In
diaunpolis Journal.
An Impossible Combination.
"Dauber can't be much of an
artist. "
"Why?"
"He seems to be a good business
man." Cleveland Leader.
lite Method.
Mr. Yonnglove "What do yon do
when your biby gets sick at night?"
Mr. Oldpop "I generally lio still
and wait to see if my wife isn't going
to get up aud attend to it." Chicago
News.
Sisterly Aflectlon.
Ho "Do you know, what I like
ibout your sister is tho way sho looks
you straight iu tho face when she's
talking to you."
She "Yes, she has an awfully bad
profile."
rrocrastlnntlon Thnt I'rontcd.
"She saved the whole family from
drowning once."
"Indeed! Sho must bo an Amazon."
"Oh, no; she simply dressed so slow
ly that they all missed tho boat!"
Chicago Record.
Physiological.
Instructor "What ia it that gives
to the blood its bright red color?"
Little Miss Thavuoo "I know. It's
the corpuscles. But ours ain't red.
They're blue. Mamma says so."
Chicago Tribune.
The Old, Old Delusion.
"Darling," ho whispered, "It costs
no more to keep two bicycles in repair
thau one."
Love is eternal; its allusions, even,
are mutable only in rospect of their
terms. Detroit Journal.
A Wall From the Momtgerlu.
"It's hard," said tho meuagerio
lion.
"What's hard?" asked the kanga
roo. "To be starved whon I'm alive, and
stuffed when I'm dead." Pick Mo Up.
Hard to Keconcllo,
Crimsonbeak "You have heard the
trembling voice of the blushing brido
at Hymen's altar?"
Yeast "Oh, yes!"
"Well, isn't it difficult to associuto
it with the ono you hear iu the airshaft
calling to her husband to bring up tho
coal?"
Conveuleueea of the I.auuuuges.
The Count "I haf been told,
madame, your daughtaire haf zo bad
tempaire."
The Mamma "Ah, yes, count, but
you know she loses her temper so
easily."
Tho Count "Ah, how loatly!" Do
troit Journal.
When She Throws.
"I winh you would gjt yoiw wife to
throw her influence for mu," said tho
wouiau who was running for olllce iu
the Woman's Club; "I'm sure it would
have some effect."
"Yes," was the thoughtful reply; "I
know when she's overthrown anything
at me it's been effective."
The Iinportunt Point.
"We are willing," said tho practical
politician, "to trust to tho intelligence
aud honesty of the average American
citizen."
"Yes," replied Farmer Corutosscl,
"but that aiu't the quenliou. What
the average American citizen wants to
know is whoso intelligence aud honor
he is goiug to trust in." Washington
Star.
Keg-ret.
"Did your railway make money?"
"No," replied tho promoter; "wo
wouldn't let well enough alone."
"There was a chance of its beiug
profitable, then?"
"Yes; but we weren't satisfied with
Belling stock. Wo had to go ahead
and try to build the road." SVashing
tou Star,
A ftufu (tuna.
"How old would you guess her
to be?"
"Oh, about tweuty-fivo would bo a
safe guess."
"She's surely older thau that?"
"I said tweuty-fivo would be a nnfo
guess. It is always safer to nmler
guess a womau's age. Sho may hear
of it." Indianapolis Journal.
tiellluic blulu lloiimln.
The State domain of Fruuee, vulued
at 8700,0110,000, and consisting of
palaces, public buildings, forests, etc. ,
isiu great measure unproductive, aud
it is proposed to Bell 50.000,000
worth of it aud put tho money iuto the
nuvy
ON DEPOSIT.
I cherished love for many years
And hoarded It with care;
I guarded It with miser's fenrs
Norehnneed It nnvwliere;
Hut now with nil I gladly part
And risk it nil In Anna's heart.
My savings-bank is Anna's heart
And Cupid Is ensliler;
A credit there I bite did start
Nor defalcation fear;
For I alone have credit thero
And guard the door with loving oare.
There dally do I bring moro lovo
To swell my dear account,
Cutil tho whole has grown above
A fabulous amount.
And. must ii n heard per cent, of bliss,
My Anna pnvs e-ich day a kiss!
Ellis' Parker Duller, In Llfo.
HUM OR OF THE DAY.
"I'll bet that mau lives iu a flat.'
"What makes you think so?" "His
dog's tail is cut off." Judge.
Miss Bostonia "Yes, I'm always
carried away when I hear Browning
read." Miss Flirter "Dou't you waut
me to read aloud a little?" Judge.
Enthusiastic Cyclist (just after, a
century rim) -"I tell you what, if I had
to give up cither I'd rather givo up
my wheel than my cyclometer."
Jndge.
"Every woman, according to tho
story she tells to her second husband,
was forced iuto her first marriage by
tho wishes of her parents." Atchison
Globe.
Mrs. Potterby "If you don't get
ont of hero, I will call the dog." Dis
mal Dawson "I don't cat dog. I
aiu't no Klondikur." Indiauupolis
Journal.
Ho "Women are not as considerate
of men as men are of women." She
"Well, men aro not worth considering
as much as women." Indianapolis
Journal.
"Why do you fellows call that
mountain 'Catfish Hill?'" asked tho
tourist. "Because, " said Piefaco
Bill, "it cau't bo ac ilod." Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Little Clarence (his fourteenth ques
tion) "Pa, what is genius?" Mr. Calt
lipors (wearily) "Making other peoplo
furnish the money to oarry out your
own ideas." Puck.
"I have half a mind to get married,"
said tho Lonely Mau. "It takes,"
said tho Savage Bachelor, "just about
that amount of mind to think of such
a thing." Cincinnati Enquirer.
Alice "What is that queer-looking
picture on your stand?" Ada "That is
a composito picture of tho man I pro
mised to love forover at tho seashoro
last summer." Philadelphia North
American.
Seody Caller "Is Mr. Specie iu?"
Office Ifoy "No, ho ain't in, and he
won't be back for a mouth; but if yer
wanted anything of him I can refuse
it ter yer jest as well as him, aud save
your calliu' agiin." Boston Globe.
Lady (engaging servant) "I ought
to tell you that wo aro all strict teeto
talers hero. I suppose you won't
mind that?" Mary June "Oh, no,
inn in, I've been iu a reformed drunk
ard's family before." Punch.
Wife "Tho tailor said ho couldn't
make the gown for less than $'225, so
I told him to go ahead." Husband
"Why in the world didn't you consult
mo first?" "I didn't want to speud
tho carfuro for two visits, dear."
Life.
Little Tetie "Will it make much
noiso, Mr. Constant?" Mr. Constaut
What, my boy?" Petie ".Sister said she
thought you would pop to-night, and
I was wondering if it could bo heard
upstairs." Philadelphia North Ameri
can. William Walker "Yes, mum; I
hate ter travel through do country, an'
find do funnel's so hard np. It makes me
really sick at heart." Mrs. Backdoor
"Why, what do they seem hard up for?
William Walker "For help, mum."
Puck.
"Mamma," said little Freddy, ex
citedly, "llio ferryboat wo were ou
almost ran iuto another ferryboat while
crossing the river." "Did it?" asked
mamma anxiously. "Yes, indeed.
I'm sure there would havo boen a col
lision if tho other bout hadn't back
pedalled." Harper's Bu.ar.
Tips Ktiiud III the Way.
In obi times to dine with a nobleman
cost more in tips to the servants thau
a club dinner. J nine -t 1'iiyu relates
that Lord Poor, a well named Irish
poer, excused himself from dining
with tho ibiUe of Onnond upon the
ground that ho could not all'ord it.
"If you will givo niethe guinea I have
to pay your cook (fancy!) 1 will oomo
as often as you choose to ask mo,"
which was accordingly done. Tho
Duke, however, had not tho pluck to
stop the practice.
Lord Taafe, a general ollicer iu the
Austrian service, did what he could.
He always attended his guests to tho
door; when they put their bauds into
their pockets, ho auid: "No, if you
do give it, givo it to me, for it was I
who paid for your dinner." To Sir
Timothy Waldo must be given tho
credit of putting a:i end to tho mon
strous practice. After a dinner with
the Duke of Newcastle he put a crown
into the cook's hand it was rejected.
"I do not talio silver, sir." "Very
good, and I do not give gold." This
courageous rejoimU-r "caught ou,"
aud tlio dayof vails to cooks was over.
S:iu Francisco Argonaut.
full if uu Aerulile.
At Delhi, N. Y., uu aerolite recently
fell as a bull of lire uinl penetrated tho
earth six feet. Strum poured from the
holo in volumes. 'I' ho aerolite is iu
the snupo of u bull. It weighs two
pounds und fourteen ounces and
measures u foot aud three inches iu
circumference. It is composed of
white and yellow stones, varying iu
size. All the stones are square, with
a smooth surface, und us clearly cut us
if made by workmen. They are of
various colors and resemble diamonds.
3
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