M Tltniikstrhln IH.
Twentieth V.JS. C. E. Conrpntlnn.
,r
Tiie Forest Republican
b publl-ibed every We Jut Uy, by
J. E. WENK.
Office in 8mearbiiKb 9t Co.'i Eullillc j
ELM BTHEET, TIOXK3TA, TA.
Term. Dl.illl l'tr Vtar,
Ko subscriptions received for a shorter
period thnn throe months.
Correspondence solicits I frrt n nil parts of
ths country. No notlot will be taken ol
enonymou oomuunalauloni.
The people of the United States read
and support as many newspapers as
England, France and Germany com
bined. Official reports to the Kansas Board
of Agriculture show that the farmers
of the 8tte reoeived $37,789,678 for
meat animals killed or sold during the
year which closed March 1, 1897. This
was an increase of $1,197,021 over the
preceding year.
Aooording to the annual report of
Captain Young of the Fourth Cavalry,
who is anting as superintendent of the
Tosemita National Park, there is less
trespassing there now than in past
years. Sheep and their herders are
the worst evils.
New York City maintains a frce-leo-tare
bureau under the Board of Edu
cation, and now it is proposed to open
theatres in the crowded tenement dis
tricts of all Greater Now York, to be
supported by appropriations from the
city government and conducted under
the auspioes of some board kindred in
nature to the Department of Educa
tion. A new way of advertising has ap
peared in Paris. Ladios along the
boulevards are surprised to see a mag
aiSoently dressed man walk tip to
them, make a profound bow, and de
part without saying a word. The
-mysterious cavalier wears a wig with
bald spot on top, on whioh is painted
In big, block lottors an advertising an
nouncement of some kind.
Aooording to the Census Bureau'
Sgures, there are now in the United
States 4557 women physicians, with
out counting 837 women dentists and
2 women veterinary surgeons; There
are 2725 literary and scientific women,
1143 women clergymen, 808 women
lawyers, 47 women engineers and fire
- men, 19 women hunters, guides and
soonta, 28 women sextons, 279 women
watchmen and detectives, 2 women
auctioneers, 510 women bankers and
brokers, 611 women commercial trav
elers, 234 women draymen, hackmen
and teamsters, 22 women hostlers,
2909 women errand atid offioe boys, 17
women sailors, 83 women undertakers,
117 women butchers, 189 women car
penters, 43 women coopers, 89 women
gunsmiths, 130 women maohiniBts, 68
women marble cutters, 40 women
masons, 44 women plumbers, 1 woman
well-borer, and 1 woman pilot. -
There are only two places in the
world where men are scarce. In the
Shaker communities of this oountry
. (he men are gradualty dying out, and
the "families, ' as they are called, are
largely made np of females. 'And
Easter Inland, a detached spot in the
faoifio, only thirty milos in circum
ference, is described as an Adamless
Eden where men are scarce and women
plentiful. In May last the bark No
aauturu, which had a cargo of coal for
Panama, was wrecked off this island
ind the orew landed in safety, but in
formation &as reaohed the State De
partment in Washington that the con
ditions of the island are such as to
promise a happy and prosperous ca
reer to those men who wish to marry
and settle down. It is not very long
ago that a gray-bearded old rutn and a
orew of young men intercepted a ship
off Easter Island and invited its sail
ors to cast in their lot on this inter
esting island, which has been cele
brated for Cyclopean masonry which
has been regarded as a relio of a sub
merged continent.
The rupee is coined as freely in In
dia to-day as it was before the Govern
ment closed the mints. When the
mints were open, more rupees were
coined by private coiners than by the
Government. The savings of the na
tives are made into silver braoelets
rings and other ornaments. When it
became necessary for them to turn a
part of their resources into money,
they did it by employing a native
soiner to turn the metal into rupees,
ft is a oountry of vast distances, and
the natives could not send their orua
menta to a Government mint, perhaps
one thousand miles away. The native
ooiner traveled from plaoe to place and
hut to hut, just like a oountry tinker.
He was glad to work all day turning
bangles into rupees, weight for weight,
for perhaps one rupee as his reward,
And very good rupees they turned out
too. They are ourreut everywhere,
and nobody questions them. Ol
course, the praotioe is illegitimate, and
when the mints were first closed the
Government tried to put a stop to it
but not with much suooess. Now it is
winked at by the authorities, for the
situation in India to-day is too threat
euiuz for any interference winch is
not absolutely necessary. It is prob
' ablv the first case on record where
counterfeiting has been tacitly sanc
Forest Rep
VOL. XXX. NO. 29. TIONESTA,
THE MIRROR
Do you with for a kindness? Be kind.
Do you wish for a tru th? lie tme.
What you (rive of yonrse If you And;
Vour world Is a reflex of yoo.
For life Is a mirror. You smile,
And a smile Is your sure return.
Bear tints In your heart, and erowlillo
All your world with hatred will turn.
HER NEIGHBOR'S "CLAIM."
Djr MAY R8DERT8 CLARK.
some landscapes
the straight linos
and the angles of
fences are conspic
uous features, but
the bare Nebraska
prairie was, not
many years ago, a
country all of giant
curves and mag
nificent circles.
The wagon trail of
hot July dust bent
to the harmony of
nature, and wavered to and fro like a
river. A bird rising from the sear
buffalo grass wheeled a wide orbit up
and up, and out of sight. In one vast
curve Uod had drawn the mighty
sweep of the far-reaching horizon, and
had arched above it the limitless vault
of azure.
It was a lonely land of vague dis
tance, unbroken silence, oppressive
stagnation. The one sound was the
faint whimpor of the wind among the
grasses, whose bonding blades gave
the one sign of motion. Over all this
wide desolation the sun was scorching
relentlessly, when a young girl came
riding slowly down the dusty trail.
.No feature of the landscape im
pressed her; it was too familiar. Nor
did the heat seem intense; she took it
as a matter of course that the air
should be swoltering in July, and she
sat calmly upright, singing joyously as
Biie went au old hymn that - ber
mother loved:
"How firm- a foundation, ye saints of the
Lord."
Where her trail joined that which
led to Hauiiuerville, she met old Daddy
uoian. The encounter was no sur
prise, for they had seen each other as
mere dots in the distance. Their
greetings were very cordial, for com
panionship is most appreciated in
widely scattered communities.
Pears like yer mighty pert to
day," chirped old Daddy.
l'ert is no name for it," laughed
back the girl. "Why, Daddy, I'm
eighteen to-day, and I'm on my way to
take up a homestead. "
'Well, well!" he drawled, smiling
down into the girl's glad face. "You
dou't look more'n fifteen. An what
do you want a homestead for?"
"On, I aint getting it for myself.
really. It's for father. He clerks
down at Cosgrove. Of course he
couldn't throw away his job to come
out and got one for himself."
"Does yer dad know about yer tak
ing this claim? broke in the eager
listener.
He know?" she answered, happily.
"Of oourse not. That's the best of it.
He'd never dream I was well enough.
I was sick last winter, yon see, and so
they sent me out to Aunt Mirandy's
olaim to get hotter."
"Does yer dad like farming?" quer
ied the old man.
Oh, he just longs to get back.-" an
swered the girl, "but he never could
get money enough ahead. He has
worked hard, too; but we children coBt
so much. Onoe there were five be
sides me, but they took sick one after
another and died. That's expensive.
Clerking at Cosgrove doesn't make a
prinoely living. Futher is as patient
as he can be, but he can t clerk for
ever. Now you see why I'm taking a
homestead."
"But you'll have to live on it. Bess."
worried the old man, "an' that ain't
an easy job."
"Nouseuse, she answered, con
temptuously, "that's nothing Be
tween me and you, Daddy, the claim
next to Aunt Mirandy's hasn't been
taken. , Aunt had it in mind when she
built her house right on the line. I'm
going to put a lean-to against her
house, but on my own land. We will
live together, don't you see? Isn't it
jolly?"
"Well, that ain't so bad," admitted
Daddy, with relief.
They went to the land office together.
The agent looked up with a smile as
they entered. "Daddy, you wretch,
what makes you always bring such
weather?" he jeered, affectionately.
Then he turned to the girl. "Do you
want a homestead, Miss Bessie?"
"You guessed it!" she answered,
joyously. "I'm eighteen to-day, and
I want the claim next east of Aunt
Mirandy's."
The agent's face fell. "It's too
bad, Miss Bessie," he said, regret
fully, ' but that claim was taken yes
terday." "Who took it?" she asked, breath
lesBly.
"A bov named Watsou. He came
of age just one day ahead of you."
"I thought it was miue," she fal
tered, turning white. "I I wanted
it so bod!"
The agent looked at Daddy uneasily,
"Don't ory, sissy!" Baid the old
man, thumping her kindly, but heavi
ly, on the back. "I reckon we kit
find ye something better. There,
there, now!
"But then I cau't live with Aunt
Mirandy. "
N
V .-i -r- B,(
C.Zir - f ,'.f '
Hi
"Oh, hush now!" purred old Daddy.
"What you want is a free furm for yer
dad. You ain't afcard to lire alone
out here; there's always good ntig'j
bors." The girl swulloived a lump iu her
OF LIKE.
Bet love against love, every deed
Hhnll, firmed aa a fate, recoil;
You shnll gather your fruit from the soed
You cant yourself in the soil.
Eo"h act In a separate lint
In the chain of your Weal or your woe.
Cups ye oftor another to drink
The taste of their dregs ye shall know.
throat, and smiled dismally at her
comforter, whilo the agent hunted
carefully through the reoords.
"I've got ft!" he annonnoed, cheer
fully. "Next 'east of the one you
wanted! You will be near your aunt,
and if you want auything sudden, you
can run up a signal."
"Thank yon," answered the girl
bravely. "I only wish I hadn't set
my heart on the other. I guess you
had better make out the papers."
"That's grit!" sighed old Daddy,
with relief. "When ye can't get first
pick, be thankful for second choice."
"Miss Bessie is. luoky to get any
thing," broke In the agent. "There
is talk of a railroad running through
her part of the country; and land is
going like hot cakes."
"Well, I am thankful," answered
Bessie, "and I am real grateful to
both of you for your kindness." She
smilefe back upon them as she left
with emoh a bright faoe that both felt
satisfied. Still, she was slow to get
over her disappointment.
"I can't help it, Aunt Mirandy,"
she said, months afterward. "I feel
real ugly toward that Watson boy. It
just seems to me as if he had jumped
my claim.
"I know how yon feel," answered
the aunt, wearily, "and it ain't Chris
tian. He didn't go to do you any un
kindness. I was Barry, that you got
mad because he built so close to us.
Probably he hadn't been from home
before and was lonesome."
"He needn't have left home at all
if he didn't waut to," retorted Bessie,
looking away from her aunt out
through the tiny window at her neigh
bor's claim. What she saw was not
comforting. John Watson was too
prosperous. Instead of a sod hut, he
had actually built one of lumber.
She understood, further, that he
bad seoured a cUunce to teach for six
months a school beyond Hammerville,
Soon he could be paying on his home
stead, while she must wait through
long years for her title.
Aunt Miranda noticed the girl's
discontented faoe, aud broke the si
lence. "I don't believe you deserve
it, Bessie," she said, quietly, "but
I'm going to move across' and live
with you in your new home to-mor
row."
"You?" gasped the girl. "But you
cau't, auntie? It won't be safe to
leave your own homestead."
"You see, dear," she answered
slowly 'to her impatient niece, "this
ain't a olaim any more. I proved up
last fall!"
"O Aunt Mirandy, you never told
me!
"No. I wanted you to act for your
self. I thought it would make you
more womauly. I must say you have
been real brave about the work and
living alone."
"It s too good to be true," said
Bessie, tremulously. "If if I had
only known, I wouldn't have hated
that horrid Watson boy quite so bad
I couldn't bear to leave you, auntie."
The next day "that horrid Watson
boy came over and helped them move,
lie was very quiet and obliging, and
never seemed to notice Bessie a cool
ness. Aunt Miranda was gracious
enough for both. When he was about
to leave, she thanked him profusely
for his kindness.
"Oh, that's nothing," he answered,
good-naturedly. ' ' You can keep an eye
on my olaim while I'm gone. I start
for my school to-morrow, and if I am
ablaut a day or so more than the six
months allowed by law, you keep on
the jumpers."
They parted in good fellowship,
laughing at the idea of "jumpers." It
seemed absurd then that any one
would think of taking his homeatead-
they were in such an out-of-the-way
place. Strangers were scarce, and
farther on land was still plentiful.
During' the next six months, how
ever, the growing rumor of the rail
road attracted people to the vicinity.
The last olaim in the neighborhood was
taken. Now aud then he two lonely
women heard of distant claims that
were being jumped.
"I do wish to the land's suke that
John Watson would come home," com
plained Aunt Miranda. "His six
months was up yesterday, and I'm
getting awful anxious."
"He will look out for himself," re
torted BesBie. "He never lost a min
ute after he came of age to get that
homestead."
"Seems to me you're awful unjust,
Bessio. Cau't you forgive him for be
ing successful? It beats all how you
cau hold a grudge for nothing. Seems
like you ought to understand him bet
ter when you kuow that he is working
for his mother."
Her voice died out wearily. She
looked aprons the prairie that lay,
blank aud lifeless, uuder tho morning
suunhiue. A wistful look cauio into
her eyes as her gluuce rested ou the
two little houses huddled so closely
together in their desertion aud det,o-
latiou. For ui juthri their only vixitors
hu-J been snow, raiu aud wind. Some
times their pa Hoi ks banged all night
long, aa if the houseH hud fouud toys
which they could l utile through the
loui inter hours of durkueaa aud op
pcasc their loneliues.-.
PA.. WEDNESDAY,
Jes' look at them two honees!" ex
claimed Auut Miranda, at last.
'"Pears like they oouldu't get along
without each other, no way. An' sup
pose they acted as nnneighborly as
you do to John Watson? It s a shame,
Bessie, and yon have both got to live
here side by side year in and year out."
"If yon have finished your sermon,
the girl answered, crossly, "I guess
1 11 go down to Hammerville for the
mail."
An hour later she was slowly jog
ging down the trail, as she had done a
year before. Nothing had altered in
the changeless landscape. Even the
mood of the former time came back
again. Before she realized it Bessio
was singing;
"How firm a foundation, ye saints of the
ijora."
When she rodo into town, she sud
denly forgot the music On a corner
she overheard two men talking. "Yes,"
one was saying, "he is going to jump
John Watson's claim this afternoon."
For one brief, mean minute Bessie
was glad. "It serves him right," she
told herself. The next minute she
was ashamed. "Aunt Mirandy was
right," she thought, soberly; "it isn't
Christian."
She stood still in front of the post-
office aud thought of John Watson.
Her heart was touched with pity as
she thought ol his hard work and his
mother. "I don t know what I can
do," she thought, woefully, "but I am
not going to be mean any more.
After a moment s consideration, she
mounted her horse and rode across the
prairie at such a headlong gait that
those who saw watched her with real
concern, and prophesied a sunstroke.
As if some fate were playing a game
of coincidence, she inot old Daddy
again where their trails joined.
"Oh," gasped Bessie, "you are the
very man I wanted!" Then she made
an excited explanation. "Mow you
start right away after him," she con
cluded, "and I'll tend to the rest."
Daddy looked down at her with ad
miring eyes. "You're a regular ole
brick, you air!" he insisted, with rough
gallantry.
"Oh, go along! laughed the girl,
with a prod at his horse that sent the
old man hastily on his mission.
Aunt Miranda looked up as the girl
burst into the house, and snatched a
loaf of bread from the table and filled
a jug with milk. "I'm needed up the
trail," explained Bessie, "I'll be back
to-morrow."
The good aunt gasped as the door
jarred shut bohind her niece. "Well,
that beats all! Ole-Mis' Simpson must
be sick again. Bessie's got a good
heart, an awful good heart except
toward that Watson boy." Aunt Mi
randa shook her head sadly, and went
back to her backing.
An hour later, in passing the win
dow, she stopped to glance at the two
companionable houses. Her glanoe
became a stare of amazement. She
oouldn't believe her eyes. She put
on her eyeglasses aud looked
again. Yes, somebody had moved into
John Watson's house! Smoke came
out of the chimney, and a long row of
family washing was already hanging on
the line. Before the door stood two
lean horses, still hitched to the
strangers' emigrant wagon.
"Oh dear! oh dear!" wailed Aunt
Miranda. "His claim is jumped, and
I can't do anything!" She sat down,
limp and lifeless, and began to cry.
"I could stand it better if Bessie was
homel" moaned the poor woman.
But Bessie had more important work
than oomforting Aunt Miranda. When
she climbed into John Watson's
through a window, she took a brief
survey. "I've got to make 'em think
some one is living here," she thought,
rapidly. "I wonder what would seem
most natural?"
She hastily built a fire, and then
took every cloth that she could find
and hung it on the line, for it was
washday, Monday. When she added
her own apron and sunbonnet, to give
the line a domeatio air, she allowed
herself one brief moment to grin at the
display.
She had almost finished dusting
when she first caught sight of the
emigrant wagon. She knew her hour
had come, and drew a long breath.
Then she watched, and it seemed
hours before the wagon reached the
bouse.
A frowsy, brutish-looking man
thrust his head beyond the wagon
cover. "Is that Watson's place?" he
growled, with a jerk of his thumb
toward Aunt Miranda's deserted sod
house.
"Oh, no," answered Bessie, with a
lump in her throat, "that belongs to
Miss King.
"King?" he snarled. "They told
me down to Hauimervilte that the
empty one belonged to Watson.
guess you're a-lyiug to pertect him.
We are going to move in, any way."
"All right," answered Bessie, try
ing to hide her relief.
The man clumbered down from the
wagou, followed by a sharp-faoed wo
mail and several disagree nble-looking
children.
"Thought they said his house was
frame, snapped the woman. .
The mau looked from one house to
the other. "They did say so," he
snarled back, "but you cau see for
yourself!"
"Seems to be a mistake," ventured
Bessie, timidly.
"Reckon there is, sisHy," retorted
the wouiau, "when Heeh as you gits on
to the good laud aud gobbles it up.
The girl's eyes flashed. "This laud
was tii'eu for a permanent home,"
she answered, with dignity, "long be
fore the railroad made it of any value
Look at the work that has been speut
upon it, aud niouey, too! I supposd
you thought it would be all right to
steal it beeauHC you could do it legally,
lho K.kiunv, h'ii'u-featureu woman
made uu iusjleut auswer as she went
t helii her husbau I kick iu Auut
! Minijila's door. Thus they were not
UBL
NOV. 3, 1897.
on Watson's land, but on that ot
which Aunt Miranda had complete
ownership. The family moved in and
took possession. The law would make
short work of ejecting them, and for a
time Bessie's worries were over.
"Oh," she thought, wearily, "if
that troublesome Watson boy would
only come home and look after his own
property!"
She longed for the society of hei
aunt as she had never done before, but
there was no way to get to her. Each
must stay and protect her adopted
claim. Bessie had not made a confi
dante of her aunt for fear that the
guileless soul would betray the secret.
Aunt Miranda's light shone clear
from the home window, and that was
some comfort. Bessie drew a choir to
the door, and prepared for a night's
vigil. She feared that her neighbors
might suspect the truth at any mo
ment. If they did, they would move
upon Watson's land and assert posses
sionand there could be n jthing left for
her but surrender.
It was a hot, thick night. The
doors and windows of the two houses
stood wide open. Bessie heard her
disagreeable neighbors grumbling and
quarrelling. When at last they went
to bed, the silence was refreshing.
Perhaps the heat and stillneBS made
tho tired girl drowsy. . Before Bhe
knew it she was dozing at her post,
though it was still early. A sudden
rap at the door recalled her to duty.
Her heart rose in her throat as she sat
listening in the darkness. The rap
was repeated.
"Who s there? she asked, faintly.
For a moment no one answered;
then a woman's voice replied in a po
lite "company" tone, "It's me, Miss
Mirandy King."
Bessie threw the door wide open.
O auntie!" she gasped; then stopped
abruptly, and looked at the two peo
ple beyond.
All of the little group were petritteu
with astonishment. Aunt Miranda
was the first to find her voice. "What
ore you doing here, Bessie?" she de
manded.
"I I'm just holding down John
Watson's claim," faltered the niece.
"Those people in your house came to
jump it."
"Uod bless yon, dear!" sata a gentle
voice. 1 m John a motuer.
The young mau was last to speak.
Even then his voice was husky. "I
thought we were homeless," he said,
slowly, "but you have been our salva
tion. You see that man made out the
papers before he left town. All he
needed was possession."
They were so relieved that they aa
tried to explain at once why John was
late, what Daddy had done, and how
Annt Miranda had escorted the Wat
sons over to get the furniture from the
strangers. Probably no happier gath
ering ever assembled.
At daybreak next morning the little
party at Watson's looked out for their
disagreeable neighbors. They vere
nowhere in sight. Perhaps they had
at last become convinced of the real
situation. At all events they had dis
appeared. With them had gone John's
plow -and the family washing that Bes
sie had hung out to dry.
"Good riddance! commented John,
gratefully. "I think we have come
out of this mighty cheap. And you
saved us, Bessie. Say, that was heap
ing ooals of fire on my head. I al
ways felt as if I'd kind of jumped your
claim."
"You needn't feel that way any
more. 1 ve got all that out oi my
heart at last," said Bessie.
"Yes, yes!" cried Aunt Miranda.
"That's what folks always gain by
forgiving and being generous their
own hearts feel good and light inside
em." Youth's Companion.
A Veteran Rattlesnake.
A huge rattlesnake has for fifty years
been known to live in the cliffs of Jen
nie's creek, Johnson County, and many
attempts have been made to capture
it. One day last week a cow belong
ing to Dan Davis, who lives in the
neighborhood, was bitten by a snake,
and by marks in the sand and weeds
in the pasture field Mr. Davis conclu
ded at once that the oow was bitten by
this huge rattler, and offered $25 to
any ene who would kill it. One oi
Mr. Davis's form hands armed himsaJf
with two 88-caliber pistols and followed
the trail about a mile to a cave in the
cliffs. Climbing a sapling overlook
ing the mouth of the cave, he remained
there between three and four hours,
when the monster appeared. The
hunter fired nine shots into the snake
before he killed it, aud on measuring
it it was found to be eighteen feet
long. Its body in circumference mea
sured twenty-nine inches. Ihe rattles
on its tail were two feet long aud eight
inches broad. Citizeus of sixty aud
seventy years of age who live in the
vicinity say that when they were young
they heard people talk of a monster
Buake inhabiting those cliffs, aud signs
of the reptile have been seen every few
years. Louisville-Courier Journal.
A Mammoth llarvtlug Machine.
Out iu Iledlauds, Cab, they have
been cutting grain this season with a
harvester that is truly a mammoth of
its kind. It has a cutting-bar over
fifty feet iu width, cuts the grain,
threshes it, ties it up in sacks, aud
turns out hundreds of these sacks au
hour. Iu going a mile this machine
reaps nearly teu acres, aud does more
work than our graudiuro, with his cra
dle, scythe and Hull, could iu a whole
season. Iudiuuapolis News.
Drummers uu ths I'ollie Force.
Drummers are to bo a pui't of the
police force in Paris hereafter. When
riots are feared, a drummer or drum
mers are to be placed at the oonimuud
of each police comumxioner aud
iuxpecty. Tha beutiug of tho drum
by auy of the men will be considered
equivalent to the readiug of the "Kiot
Act," or what corresponds to it iu
France.
McKlnley has Issued
T)y proclamation as
God's (ominous to
which bna
nlo Him
vows unto
toilful
mm km m m v.
d, the con--roved,
the
-ve
&1.00 PER ANNUM.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Lovely Proireen A S rial DlrtatoiwHmpl
clone Rebnnaflpecnlntlon- Slightly
Tlnrent Onlv Venltjr Keprovetl Re
anembrancee Getting- Talkative, Ktr,
When first I klpsed sweet Hargarot
She blushed roue-red,
And sternly said
"Yon mustn't! Stop!"
ISnt nltrht I kissed sweot Margaret;
Hlie blushed rose-red,
lint only said
"You mustn't stop!"
LUe.
A Socle! IMclulor.
"Mrs. Zoozelbnnin seems to be a
great power in this neighborhood.
Is she so intellectual?"
"No, but she owns three preserving
kettles." Chicaaro Record.
auspicious.
Governess "Why don't you eat
your couBorame, Bertie?"
Bertie "'Cause I asked Harry
what became of the cook papa dis
charged, and ho said sho was in the
soup." Puck.
Hebnfleil.
Maria "What did your father say
when Lord De Liverus asked him for
your hand?"
Miss Speoie "I believe papa re
ferred him to a charitablo association
of which he is a member." Brooklyn
Life.
Knew Her Weakness.
"The trouble with your wife, Mr.
Spudds," said the physician, "is lack
of exercise."
"What can I do for it?"
"I would put in a telephone, and
then she will be kept busy delivering
messages for the neighborhood.
Life.
Vanity Reproved.
"You see, my dear," said Mr.
Yonnghusbaud to his wife, trium
phantly, at 3 o'clock the other morn
ing, "the moment I begin to sing to
baby she is quite quiet."
"Yes," said his wife; "she is easily
frightened, poor little thing." Tit
Bits. Hpecnlatlou.
"Mother," said Bhe, in the careless
language of a dying world, "doesn't
like yon a little bit."
"I wonder," pondered the young
man all privately, "whether she dis
likes me enough to abstain from call
ing at the house aftor we are wed?"
Indianapolis Journal.
m
Slightly Different Only.
"Now, really," said the Thoughtful
Man, "did you ever see a woman who
was homely enough to stop a clock
by looking at it?"
"No," said the Nonsensical Chap,
"but I have seen a woman stop a car
by looking bt the oonduotor." Cin
cinnati Commercial-Tribune.
A Wise Professor.
"Now, Professor," said the
man with musical aspirations, '
young
I want
you to toll me exactly what you think
of my voice."
"No, Bir," was the emphatio reply.
"I see through yon. You were sent
here by my enemies to get me arrested
for profanity." Washington Star.
Iteinembrunees.
Wife (revisiting the soene of hor
betrothal) "I remember, Algernon,
so well when you proposed to me, how
painfully embarrassed you were."
Algernon "Yes, dear; and I re
member so well how kind and encour
aging you were, and how easy you
made it for me, after all." Harlem
Life.
What He Wauted.
Hobkins "My brother bought a
wheel here last week, aud you said if
anything broke you would supply a
new part."
Dealer "That's right. What do
you want?"
"I want two deltoid muscles, a new
set of knucklos and a knoe-pou."
Life.
Clettlna Talkative.
"There's just one thing about a
banquet," said Browning, as the fifth
course was brought on, "that I don't
like."
"What's that?" asked a mau across
the table.
"After it's all over, you know, you've
got to go home." Chicago Daily
News.
After the Wm1i1Iii.
so thoughtful?" asked
"Why
the
bride.
"Well," replied the groom, "I've
just beeu thinking how I worried for
two years for fear I wouldn't get
you."
"And now?"
"Why, now, when I think it all
over, I oan't help kicking myself for
being such a fool as to worry." Chi
oago.Post." The Oldest Ship.
The oldest ship iu the world en
gaged in active service is the bark
True Love, now jised as a coal hulk
on the Thames, near Loudon. She
was built at Philadelphia in 1761 and
is 133 yeurs old. When launched the
True Love was the lurgest boat the
Delaware Kiver had ever floated, be
iug ninety-six feet eight inches long.
She sailed away from Philadelphia and
did not return for 109 years, when sh
again reached her birthplace from
Greenland with a cargo of kryolite.
Soou after she reached London, aud
was sold to a mau who made a coal
barge of her.
A Caterpillar's Appetite.
A caterpillar iu the oourse of a mouth
will devour GIH10 times its weight in
food. It takes a mau nearly three
mouths to eat a quantity of food equal
him
fol-
The convention of 'lie Oil City and Vi
cinity Loral Union Christian Kndxsvnr
Societies, held in Oil City Friday afler
noon and evening of lt week, at the
Frst Presliyteriain Church, was nun of
tho larifost and most entertaining meet
ings ever held b.v the Union, says the
IVitznrd Delegate, from all the socie
ties were In attendance at the afternoon
meeting, the program of which wan a
greai help to all meinlwrs of the society.
The evening sesxlon at 7:45 was largely
attended. President T. K. Armt-ong of
Tlonesta Kndeavnr, prmidod. The music
was a special feature of the meetinir, con-
been
oor
the
provi -
been
'lomes
cre-
n.
- stating of a selection by the orcheMtra, an-
omsj solo, "Ave Maria," Mrs. Urokaw t
I am thesoati "Tarry With Mo,'' Mr. and Mrs.
As one holds les Smith j violin solo, Warren H.
Hold It fast wit. Kev. Lawrence SeUnr of Titus
Watching tho col .... . , , ,,
Ont of my bosom tWB delegate sent by the
Back to my depths n to the State convention at
Theearthlsahelpli-ay,,,,.,, ro(Mn )lf
"ho address by Kev. J W.
I am theses. When! drs 'Dropening the Hnirit
Dlossoms and verdure fob ... , . .,
And tho land I leave growe'V- " "!'P1 ",0
For the wonderful race of man of most excellent
And tho winds of heaven wail anirvorkera. At the
While tbo nations rise and reign a. . . ,
Mvlng and dying In folly and pain, delegate", and
While the laws of the universe thundicuonn in the
vain, was taste-
What Is the folly of man to mo? , ,.,.
i . v 1 autumn
I am the sea.
I am tho sea. The earth I sway;
Ornnlto to mo Is potter's clny;
Under tho touch of my careless waves
It rises In turrets and sinks In enves;
The Iron cliffs that edge the land
1 grind to pohbles and sift to sand.
And beaeh-graas blowethaudotilldren play
In what were the rocks of yestorday;
It Is but a moment of sport to.ine
I am the sea.
I am the sea. In my bosom deep
Wealth and wondor and beauty Bleep;
Wealth and wonder and beauty rise
In changing splendor of sunset skies.
And comfort the earth with rains and snows.
Till waves tho harvest and laughs tho rose.
Flower and forest and child of breath
With me have life, without me, doatb.
What if the ships go down Iu me?
I am the sea.
Charlotte Perkins Htetson, in tho Happy
Thought.
HUMOR .OF THE DAY.
No invention, we think, ever caused
quite bo much talk as the telephone.
Yonkers Statesman.
Teacher "What animal attaches
himself to man the most?" Johnny
"The er er bulldog, ma'am."
Pittsburg Bulletin.
"What is this telegraphy withou
wires?" "Well, when I was young
they called it 'making eyes at the
girls.' " Chicago Record.
"Little pitchers have loner ears."
"True; but it wouldn't matter so mnch
it the big pitchers hadu't snoh very
long tongues." Harper's Bazar.
"Drink to mo only with tldne eyes?"
The poet wAs a sage, I wist.
The things one drinks with but one's eyes
Are least expensive on tno list!
Harper's Bazar.
Fair Visitor "I suppose, Mr. Pa
lette, that true art is very difficult to
understand?" Mr. Palette "About
as difficult to understand, ma'am, as it
is to Bell." Detroit Free Press.
Watts "Can you furnish me a par
rot that usos pure English?" Dealer
"I cau't exactly guurauteethe purity
af this one's English, but I can assure
you that he is perfectly grammatical."
Cleveland Leader.
Little Clarence (after thinking deep
ly) "Pa!" Mr. Callipers (wearily)
"Well, my son?" Little Clarence
"Pa, why is it two-headed girls are so
scarce when two-faced men are so com- '
ino'u?" Harper's Buzar.
"I ain't goin' out on a taudeui with
dat Susie Mellon girl again, no, sab."
"Whaffer?" "Kase when her toes
ain't collidin' with the handle bah, her
heels is plowin' gutters in de ground!"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
She "Tell me -truly, now, is your
heart wholly mine?" He "As nearly
9 it is postuble, I being a loyal pa
triot. George Washington, you know,
is first in the hearts of his country
aien." Boston Transcript.
Mother (in horror) "O John!
Don't you see what baby is doing?
He is sucking all the paint oft that
monkey ou the stick!" Father (deep
iu his paper) "Oh, that's all right!
tt only cost two cents." Puck.
Smythe "I wonder what idiot orig
inated the phrase, 'There's no ao-
oouuting for taste?" " Tompkins
Why?" Smythe "Because I d like
to get at him! I've just beeu account
ing to the milliner and modiste for my
wife's tastel" Brooklyn Life.
"Say, old mau, just suppose I had
the choice, would you advise me to
marry an ugly girl with money or a
pretty girl without money?" "A
pretty girl without niouey, by all
means. That would give you ine
uame of having money yourself."
Detroit Journal.
Visitor "What! He is throe months
old, aud you haven't named him yet?"
Mrs. Wheeler ".No. You see its
this way: I waut to name him after
my bicycle and JohniusiHts on naming
him after his. I guess we will have to
compromise and name him after the
wheel mother rides." Puck.
"So I have won the wager, "he said,
joyfully, "aud the teu kisses are
mine. I will take them at once."
"George," said the beautiful girl,
with a noble, generous light in her
eye, "I am not the one to drive ahard
bargain with you. Let us call it nine
ninety-nine." At ten o'clock the
score was past the hundred murk.
Detroit Free Press.
First Burglar "It's no use tryin'
dat plaoe t'-uight. De mau au' his
wife weut in 'bout au hour ago, au' I
heard him tell her he'd buy her a di'
mond necklace toinorrer." Second
Burglar "What's dat got f do witit?"
First Burglar "Plouty I She won't
be -ablet' sleep fer t'iukiu' 'bout it,
au' he won't sleep fer t'iukiu' how he's
got t' pay for it." Puck.
A Cylluder Steamer.
The new steamer iuvented by a
Canadiau lawyer, with which he ex
peots to revolutionize lake aud ocean
travel, is composed of au iuuer aud
outer steel cyliuder. Provided with
150 horse-power the outer cyliuder is
rolled across the water with great
speed, while the iuuer cyliuder, which
curries the passengers, remains peu
dant. Iu two days the iuveutor ex
pects to revolve his craft from New
York to Liverpool.
Wuler aud Tobitci'o.
If a tiu of water is placed at night
iu the loom where people have beeu
smokiug, the usual smell of stale to
bunco 'all be gone in the inoiuhix
pieces
' ' set
vk
e
tioned by a Government
.... . A ' .
to his own weight.