7
J -7.
Tiie Forest Republican
In published svery Yf edn-s lay, by
J. E. WENK.
Offios In Bmearbanjjb 8t Ca'i Bulldin j
ELM BTB.EET, TIOXESTA, PA.
Termit
. Per Year.
Ro snbsorlptlonj receded
for shorter
period tnnn tnroo moot lis.
Correspondence solicits I from nil parts of
Ilia country. No notlo will bo taken ol
anonymous ootn jninlaillon.
Tha people of the United States read
and support as many newspapers as
England, Frauoe and Germany com
bined. Official reports to the Kansas Board
of Agriculture show that the farmers
of the State reoeived $37,789,078 for
meat animals killed or sold daring the
year which closed March 1, 1897. This
was an inorease of $1,197,021 over the
preceding year.
Acoording to the annnal report of
Captain Young of the Fourth Cavalry,
who is anting as superintendent of the
Yosomite National Park, there is less
trcspassiug there now than in past
years. Sheep and their herders are
the worst evils.
New York City miiatolns a free-loo-tftre
bureau nndcr the Board of Edu
cation, and now it is proposed to open
theatres in the crowded tenement dis
tricts of all Greater New York, to be
I supported by appropriations from the
city government and conducted under
. Ihe auspices of some board kindred in
nature to the Department of Education.
A new way of advertising hos ap
peared in Paris. Ladies along the
boulevards are surprised to see a mag
nificently dressed man walk np to
them, make a profound bow, and de
part without saying a word. The
mysterious cavalier wears a wig with
a bald spot on top, on whioh is painted
(n big, black letters an advertising an
nouncement of some kind.
Acoording to the Census Bureau's
figures, there are now in the United
States 4557 women physioians, with
out counting 837 women dentists and
1 women veterinary surgeons. There
are 2725 literary and scientific women,
1143 women clergymen, 808 women
lawyers, 47 women engineers and fire
- mon, 19 women hunters, guides and
soonts, 28 women sextons, 279 women
watchmen and detectives, 2 women
auctioneers, 510 women bankers and
brokers, Cll womon commercial trav
elers, 234 women draymen, hackmen
and teamsters, 22 women hostlers,
2909 women erraud and offloe boys, 17
women sailors, 83 women undertakers,
117 women butchers, 189 women car
penters, 48 women coopers, 89 women
gunBmithB, 130 women machinists, 58
women marble cutters, 40 women
masons, 44 women plumbers, 1 woman
well-borer, andl woman pilot.
There are only two places in the
world where men are scarce. In the
Shaker communities of this country
. (he men are gradually dying out, and
(he "families," as they are called, are
largely made up of females. 'And
Castor Island, a detached spot in the
fooiflo, only thirty miles in circum
ference, is described as an Adamless
Eden where men are scarce and women
plentiful. In May last the bark No
aautum, which had a cargo of coal for
Panama, was wrecked off this island
and the orew landed in safety, but in
formation has reached the State De
partment in Washington that the con
ditions of the island are such as to
promise a happy and prosperous ca
reer to those men who wish to marry
nd settle down. It is not very long
ago that a gray-bearded old man and a
Drew of young men intercepted a ship
off Easter Island and invited its sail
ors to cast in their lot on this inter
esting island, which has been cele
brated for Cyclopean masonry which
has been regarded as a relic of a sub
merged contiueut.
The rupee is coined as freely in In
dia to-day as it was before the Govern
ment closed the mints. When the
mints were open, more rupees were
joined by private coiners than by the
Government. The savings of the na
tives are made into silver bracelets,
rings and other ornaments. When it
became necessary for them to turn a
port of their resources into money,
they did it by employing a native
joiuer to turn the metal into rupeeB.
It is a oountry of vast distances, and
the natives oould not send their orna
ments to a Government mint, perhaps
one thousand miles away. The native
ooiner traveled from place to place and
but to hut, just like a oountry tinker,
lie was glad to work all day turning
bangles into rupees, weight for weight.
tor perhaps one rupee as his reward
And very good rupees they turned out
too. They are cfarreut everywhere,
and nobody questions them. Of
course, the practice is illegitimate, and
when the mints were first closed the
Government tried to put a stop to it,
but not with much success. Now it is
winked at by the authorities, for the
situation in India to-day is too threat
eniui for any interference which is
not absolutely necessary. It is prob
oblv the first case on record where
counterfeiting has been tacitly suuo
tioued by a Government.
OR
K
VOL. XXX. NO. 29.
THE MIRROR
Do you wish for a kindness? He kind.
Do you wish fur a tru th? lie true.
What you give of yourso If you Dnd;
your world is a reflex of you.
For life Is n mirror. You smllo,
And a smile Is your sure return.
Bear tinte In your heart, and erewhllo
All your world with lintrod will turn.
HER NEIGHBOR'S "CLAIM."
Dy MAY R9DERT9 CLARK.
N some landscapes
the straight lines
and the angles of
fences are conspic
uous features, but
the bare Nebraska
prairie was, not
many years ago, a
country all of giant
carves and mag
nificent circles.
The wagon trail of
hot July dust bent
to the harmony of
nature, and wavered to and fro like a
river. A bird rising from the Bear
buffalo grass wheeled a wide orbit up
and up, and out of sight. In cue vast
curve God had drawn the mighty
sweep of the far-reachiug horizon, nnd
had arched above it the limitless vault
of azure.
It was a lonely land of vague dis
tance, unbroken silence, oppressive
stagnation. The one sound was the
faint whimper of the wind among the
grasses, whose bonding blades gave
the one sign of motion. Over all this
wide desolation the sun was scorching
relentlessly, when a yonug girl came
riding slowly down the dusty trail.
No feature of the landscape im
pressed her; it was too familiar. Nor
did the heat seom intense; sue took it
as a matter of course that the air
should be swcltoriug in July, and she
sat calmly upright, singing joyously as
Bhe went an old hymn that her
mother loved:
"How flrm a
Lord."
foundation, ye saints of tho
Whore her trail joined that which
led to Hammorville, she met old Daddy
Dolan. The euoouuter was no sur
prise, for they had seen each other as
more dots in the distance. Their
greetings were very cordial, for com
panionship is most appreciated in
widely scattered communities.
" 'Pears like yer mighty pert to
day," chirped old Daddy.
"Port is no name for it," laughed
baok the girl. "Why, Daddy, I'm
eighteou to-day, and I'm on my way to
take up a homestead.
"Well, well!" he drawled, smiling
down into the girl's glad face. "You
don't look inore'n fifteen. An' what
do you want a homestead for?"
"Oh, I oin't getting it for myself,
really. It's for father. He clerks
down at C'osgrovo. Of course he
couldn't throw away his job to come
out aud got one for himself."
"Does yer dad know about yer tak
ing this claim?" broke in the eager
listener,
"He know?" she answered, happily.
"Of course not. That s the best of it,
He'd never dream I was well enough.
I was sick last wintor, you see, and so
they sent me out to Aunt Mirandy's
claim to get better.
"Does yer dad like farming?" quer
ied the old man.
"Oh, he just longs to got back,-" an
swered the girl, "but he never could
got money enough ahead. He has
worked hard, too; but we children cost
so much. Once there were five be'
sides me, but they took sick one after
another aud died. That s expensive,
Clerking at Cosgrove doesn't make a
prinoely living. Father is as patient
as be can be, but lie can t clerk for
ever. How you soe why 1 m taking a
homestead.
"But you'll have to live on it, Bess,"
worried the old man, "an that ain't
an easy job."
"Nonsense, she answered, con
tetnptuously, "that's nothing! Be
tween me aud you, Daddy, the cluim
next to Aunt Mirandy's hasn't been
taken. Aunt had it In mind when she
built her house right on the line. I'm
going to put a lean-to against her
house, but on my own land. We will
live together, don't you see? Isn't it
jolly?"
Well, that aiu t so bad, admitted
Daddy, with relief,
They wont to the land ofhoe together,
The agent looked up with a smile as
they entered. "Daddy, you wretch
what makes yon always bring such
weather?" he jeered, affectionately,
Then he turned to the girl. "Do you
want a homestead, Miss Bessie?
"You guessed it! she auswered
joyously. - "I'm eighteen to-day, an
1 want the cluiui next east of Aunt
Mirandy's. "
The agent s face fell. "Its too
bad, Miss Bessie," he said, regret
fully, "but that claim was taken yes
terday."
"Who took it?" she asked, breath
lessly.
"A bov named Wutsou. lie came
of age just one day ahead of you."
"I thought it was iniue," she fal
tered, turning white. "I I wanted
it so bad!"
The agent looked at Daddy uneasily,
"Don't cry. sissy!" said tho old
man, thumping her kiudly, but lieav
ly, on the back. "I reckon we kin
fiud ye something bettor. There,
there, now!"
"But then I cau't live with Aunt
Mirandy."
"Oh, hush now!" purred old Du-ldy.
"What you wont is a free farm for yer
dad. You ain't afcard to lire alone
out here; there's always good neigh
bors." The girl swulloived a lump iu her
EST
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY,
OF LIFE.
Bet love against love, every dood
Bhnll, armed B9 a fate, recoil;
You shall gather your fruit from tho seed
You cast yourself In the soil.
r.onh act Is a separate link
In the chain of your Weal or your woe.
Cups ye offer another to drink
Tho taste of their dregs yo shall know.
throot, and smiled dismally at her
comforter, while the agent hunted
carefully through the record .
I ve got It! he announced, cheer
fully. "Next east of the one you
wanted! You will be near your nnnt,
and if you want anything sudden, you
can run up a signal."
Thank yon, answered the girl
bravely. "I only wish I hadn't set
my heart on the other. I guess you
bad better make out the papers.
"That's grit!" sighed old Daddy,
with relief. "When ye can't get first
pick, be thankful for second choice."
Miss Bessie is lucky to get any
thing," broke in the agent. "There
is talk of a railroad running through
her part of tho oonntry, and laud is
going like hot cakes."
"Well, I nm thankful," answered
Bessie, "and I am real grateful to
both of you for your kindness." Bhe
smiled back upon them as she left
with such a bright faoe that both felt
satisfied. Still, she was slow to get
over her disappointment.
I can't help it, Annt Mirandy,"
she said, months afterward. "I foel
real ngly toward that. Watson boy. It
list seems to me as if no had jumped
my claim."
"I know how yon feel," answered
the aunt, wearily, "nnd it aiu't Chris
tian. He didn't go to do you any un-
indness. I was sorry, that you got
mad because he built so close to us.
Probably he hadn't been from home
before and was lonesome."
Ho needn't have left home at all
if he didu't want to," retorted Bessie,
ookina away from her aunt out
through the tiny window at her neigh
bor's claim. What she saw was not
comforting. John Watson was too
prosperous. Instead of a sod hut, he
had actually built one of lumber.
Bhe understood, further, that he
had secured a chance to teach for six
mouths a school beyond Hammorville.
Soon he could be paying on his home'
stead, while she must wait through
long years for her title.
Aunt Mirauda noticed the girl s
discontented faoe, and broke the si
euoe. "I don't believe yon deserve
it, Bessie," she said, quietly, "but
I'm going to move across and livo
with you in your new home to-mor
row.
'You?" gasped the girl. "But you
can't, auntie? It won't be safe to
leave your own homestead."
You see, dear," she answered
slowly 'to her impatient niece, "this
ain't a claim any more. I proved up
last fall!"
O Aunt Mirandy, you never told
uier
No. I wanted you to aot for your
self. I thought it wonld make you
more womanly. I must say you have
been real brave about the work ana
living alone."
It s too good to be true, said
Bessie, tremulously. "If if I had
only known, I wouldn't have hated
that horrid Watson boy quite so bad
couldn t bear to leave you, auntie.
The next day "that horrid Watson
boy" came over and helped them move,
He was very quiet and obliging, ana
never seemed to notice liessie s cool
ness. Auut Miranda was graoious
enough for both. When he was about
to leave, she thanked him profusely
for his kindness.
Oh, that's nothing," he answered
good-naturedly. "You can keep an eye
on my claim while I'm gone. I start
for my school to-morrow, and if 1 am
absent a day or so more than the six
months allowed by law, you keep off
the jumpers."
They parted In good fellowship,
laughing at the idea of "jumpers." It
seemed absurd then that any one
would think of taking his homestead-
they were iu Buch an out-of-the-way
place. Strangers were scarce, and
farther on laud was still plentiful.
During' the next six months, how
ever, the growing rumor of the rail
road attracted people to the vicinity.
The last cluim in the neighborhood was
tukeu. Now and then She two lonely
women heard of distant claims that
were being jumped.
"I do wish to the Iuud's suke that
John Watson would come home," com
plained Aunt Miranda. "His six
mouths was up yesterday, and I'm
getting awful anxious."
"He will look out for himself," re
torted Bessie. "He never lost a min
ute after he came of age to got that
homestead."
"Seems to me you're awful unjust,
Bessio. Oau't you forgive him for be
ing successful? It beats all how you
cau hold a grudge for nothing. Seems
like you ought to understand him bet
tor when you know that ho is working
for his mother.
Her voice died out wearily. She
looked n tubs the prairie thut luy,
bluuk aud lifeless, uuder tho morning
suusbiuo. A wistful look cu'no into
her eyes as her gluuce rested on the
two little houses huddled so closely
toctether in their desertion aud deso-
lutiou. For iu juIIih their only visitors
had been suow, raiu ami wind. Some
times their pollocks bunged ull night
long, as if the houses hud found toys
which they could lutile through the
louij winter hours of duvkuess und ap
pease their loneliues.-.
i
PU
"Jes' look at them two houesl" ex
claimed Auut Miranda, at last.
"'Pears like they couldn't got along
without each other, no way. An' sup
pose they acted as nnneighborly as
you do to John Watson? It's a shame,
Bessie, and yon hove both got to live
here side by side year in and year ont."
"If yon have finished your sermon,"
the girl answered, crossly, "I guess
I'll go down to Hammerville for the
mail."
An honr later she was slowly jog
ging down the trail, as she had done a
year before. Nothing had altered in
the changeless landscape. Even the
mood of the former time came back
again. Before she realized it Bessie
was singing:
flow firm a foundation, yo saints of the
liord."
When she rode into town, she sud
denly forgot the music On a corner
she overheard two men talking. "Yes, "
one was saying, "he is going to jump
John Watson's claim this afternoon
For one brief, mean minute Bessie
was glad. "It serves him right," she
told herself. The next minute she
was ashamed. "Aunt Mirandy was
right," she thought, soberly; "it isn't
Christian.
She stood still in front of the post'
office and thought of John Watson
Her heart was touched with pity ai
Bhe thought ol his hard work and his
mother. "I don t know what I can
do." she thought, woefully, "but I am
not coins to be moan any more."
After a moment s consideration, Bhe
mounted her horse and rode noross tho
prairie at suoh a headlong gait that
those who saw watched her with real
concern, and prophesied a sunstroke,
As if some fate were playing a game
of coincidence, she mot old Daddy
again whero their trails joined.
"Oh, gasped Bessie, you are the
very man I wanted!" Then she made
an excited explanation. "JNow you
Btart right away after him, she con
cluded, "and I'll tend to the rest."
Daddy looked down at her with ad'
minug eyes. ' lou re a regular oie
brick, you air!" he insisted.with rough
gallantry,
"Oh, go along!" laughed the girl,
with a prod at his horse that sent the
old man hastily on his mission
Aunt Miranda looked up as the girl
burst into the house, and snatohed a
loaf of bread from the table and filled
a jug with milk. "I'm needed np tho
trail." explained Bessie, "I'll be back
to-morrow.
The good aunt gasped as the door
jarred shut behind her niece. "Well,
that beats all! Ole Mis' Simpson must
be sick again. Bessie's got a good
heart, an awful good heart except
toward that Watson boy." Aunt Mi
randa shook her head sadly, and went
back to' her backing
An hour later, in passing the win
dow, she stopped to glance at the two
companionable houses. Her glance
became a stare of amazement. Bhe
couldn't believe her eyes. She put
on her eyeglasses and looked
again. Yes, somebody had moved into
John Watson s house! a moke came
out of the chimney, and a long row of
family washing was already hanging on
the line. Before the door stood two
lean horses, still hitched to the
stranger' emigrant wagon
"Oh dear! oh dear!" wailed Annt
Miranda. "His olaim is jumped, and
I can't do anything! She sat down,
limp and lifeless, and began to cry.
"I could stand it better if Bessie was
home!" moaned the poor woman
But Bessie had more important work
than oomforting Aunt Miranda. When
she climbed into John Watson's
throueh a window, she took a brief
survey. "I've got to make 'em think
some one is living here, she thought,
rapidly. "I wonder what would seem
most natural?"
She hastily built a fire, and then
took every cloth that she oould find
and hung it on the line, for it was
washday, Monday. When she added
her own apron aud sunbonnet, to give
the line a domestic air, she allowed
herself one brief moment to grin at the
display.
She had almost finished dusting
when she first caught sight of the
emigraut wagon. She knew her hour
hud come, aud drew a long breath.
Then she watched, aud it seemed
hours before the wusou reached the
house.
A frowsy, brutish-looking man
thrust his head beyond the wagon
cover. "Is that Watson's place?" he
growled, with a jerk of his thumb
toward Auut Miranda's deserted sod
house.
Oh, no," answered Bessio, with a
lump in her throat, "thut belongs to
Miss lung.
"King?" he snarled. "They told
me down to llauiuierville that tne
empty one belonged to Watson. I
guess you re a-lyiug to perfect him,
We are going to move in, uuy way."
"All right," answered Bessie, try
lug to hide her relief.
Tho man clumbered down from the
waaou. followed by a sharp-faced wo
muu and several disugreenble-looking
children.
"Thought they said his house was
frame," snapped the wo muu.
The muu looked from one house to
the other. "They did say so," he
snarled back, "but you can Bee for
yourself!"
"Seems to be a mistake," ventured
Bessie, timidly
"Keckou there is, sissy," retorted
the woman, "when Hech as yon gits ou
to the good land uud gobbles it up."
The uirl's eves flushed. "This Uud
wus taken lor u peruiuneui uome,
she uusweied, with dignity, "long be
fore the ruilroud mude it of any vulue.
Look at the work that has bceu spent
upou it, uud money, too! I suppose
you lUought it would be all right to
steul it because you could do it legally.
The s.illow, h-ii'd-feutured womuil
inu la mi ius ilent iiuswer as she went
t help liev husbuu I kick in Auut
Miruadu's door. Thus they were not
BL
NOV. 3, 1897.
on Watson s land, but on mat oi
which Annt Miranda had complete
ownership. The family moved iu and
took possession. The law would make
short work of ejecting them, ana lor
time Bessie's worries were over.
"Oh," she thought, wearily, "if
that troublesome Watson boy would
only come home and look after his own
property!"
Bhe longed for the society oi nei
aunt as she had never done before, but
there was no way to get to her. Each
must stay and protect her adopted
claim. Bessie had not made a confi
dante of her aunt for fear that the
gnileless soul would betray the secret.
Aunt Miranda s: light shone cleat
from the home window, and that was
some comfort. Bessie drew a chair to
the door, and prepared for a night's
vigil. She feared that her neighbors
might suspect the truth at any mo
ment. If they did, they wonld move
upon Watson's land and assert posses
sionand there could be n 5thing left for
her but surrender.
It was a hot, thick night. The
doors and windows of the two houses
stood wide open. Bessie hoard hor
disagreeable neighbors grumbling and
quarrelling. When at last they went
to bed, the silence was refreshing.
Perhaps the heat and stillness made
tho tired girl drowsy. Before she
knew it she was dozing at her post,
though it was still early. A sudden
rap at the door recalled her to duty.
Her heart rose iu her thronf as she sot
listening in the darknoBs. The rap
was repeated.
"Who's there?" she askod, laintiy.
For a moment no one answered;
then a woman's voice replied in a po
lite "compony" tone, "It's me, Miss
Mirandy King."
Bessio threw the door vine open.
"O auntie!" she gasped; then stopped
abruptly, and looked at the two peo
ple beyond.
All of the little group were petriueu
with ostonishment. Auut Mirauda
was the first to find her voice. "What
are you doing here, Bessie?" she de
manded.
"I I'm jnst holding down John
Watson's claim," faltered the niece.
'Those people in your house came to
jump it."
"God bless yon, dear!" sola a gentle
voice. I m Jonn s moiuer.
The yonng man was last to speak.
Even then his voice was husky. "I
thought we were homeless," he said,
slowly, "but you have been our salva
tion. You see that man made out the
papers before ho loft town. All he
needed was possession."
They were so relieved that tuey an
tried to explain at once why John was
late, what Daddy had done, and how
Aunt Miranda had escorted tho Wat
sons over to got the furniture from the
strangers. Probably no happier gatn
eriug ever assembled.
At daybreak next morning tho little
party at Watson's looked out for their
disagreeable neighbors. iney vere
nowhere iu sight. Perhnps they had
at last become convinced of the real
situation. At all events they had dis
appeared. With them had gone John s
plow and the family washing that Bes
sie had hung out to dry.
'Good riddance! commentod John,
gratefully. "I think we hove come
out of this mighty cheap. And you
saved us, Bessie. Say, thut was heap
ing coals of fire on my head. I al
ways felt as if I'd kind of jumped your
claim."
'You needn't feel that way any
more. 1 ve got an mat out oi mj
heart at last," said Bessie.
'Yes, yes!" cried Aunt Miranda.
"That's what folks always gain by
forgiving aud being generous their
own hearts feel good and light inside
"em." Youth's Companion.
A Veteran ltnttluinake.
A hutre rattlesnake has for fifty years
been known to live in the cliffs of Jen
nie's creek, Johnson County, and many
attempts have been made to capture
it. One day lust week a cow belong
ing to Dan Davis, who lives iu the
neighborhood, was bitten by a snake,
I i , i. . . i . 1 .. ., i .1 .,
. " -
r.V. . ' -r" i
this huge rattler, ond offered 8'-!5 to
any ene who would kill it. One oi
Mr. Davis's farm bunas armed uimsiui
with two 38-caliber pistols and followed
the trail about a mile to a cuve in tho
cliffs. Climbing a supliug overlook
ing the mouth of the cave, he remained
there between three and four hours,
when the monster appeared. The
hunter fired nine shots into the snake
before he killed it, aud on measuring
it it was found to be eighteen feet
long. Its body iu circumference mea
sured twenty-nine inches. Thoruttles
on its tuil were two feet long and eight
inches broad. Citizens of sixty aud
seventy years of age who live iu the
vicinity suy thut when they were young
they heurd people tulk of a monster
snake inhabiting those cliffs, and signs
of the reptile have been seen every few
years. Louisville-Courior Journal.
A Mammoth UarveatlUK Machine.
Out in llodluuds, Cul., they have
boon cutting grain this Beusou with a
harvester that is truly a mammoth of
its kind. It bus a cutting-bar over
fifty feet iu width, cuts the gruiu,
thresheB it. ties it up iu sucks, aud
turns out hundreds of these sucks au
hour. In goiuir a mile this machine
reaps neurly ton acres, and does more
work than our trruudsird, with his era
die, scythe and rluil, could iu a whole
guusou. liuliunupolis News.
Drummer ou the I'ollie Force.
Drummers ure to be u port of the
pol'ce force in l'uris hereafter. When
riots are feared, u druuiuier or drum
mers ore to bo placed at the command
of each police commissioner ami
iusnecti. Tho beating of tlio drum
by any of the men w ill bo consiclerei
equivalent to the reading of tho "Hiot
Act." or what corresponds to it iu
France.
Thanksgiving Day.
McKinloy has Issued
Pay proclamation an
ICAN
rood's goodness to
ihich has
mi to Him
vows unto
atcliful
d, the con
proved, the
" - l ve been
iomes
81.00 PER ANNUM. I"'-
TIIE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD DY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Lovely Frog-ruM A R rial PlrtntniwNntpt.
clonf RbnTed Spirnl,t Ion Slightly
Different Onlv Vanity Reproved Re
anembrances Oettlnc Talkative, Ktc.
When first I klfsed sweet Margarot
fUie blushed rose-red,
And stnrnlv said
"You mustn't! Stop!"
Jtnt night I kissed sweet Margarot;
She blushed rose-red,
Hut only said
"You mustn't stop!"
Lifo.
A Rnrlal Dictator.
"Mrs. Zoozelbaum seems to be a
great power in this neighborhood.
Is she bo intellectual?"
"No, but she owns three preserving
kettles." Chicaoro Record.
Sunplclotifl.
Governess "Why don't you eat
your consomme, Bertie?"
Bertie '"Cause I asked Harry
what became of the cook papa dis
charged, and ho said bIio was in the
soup." Puck.
Reltuneil.
Marin "What did your father say
when Lord Do Liverus asked him for
your hand?"
Miss Speoio "I believe papa re
ferred him to a charitable association
of which ho is a member. " Brooklyn
Life.
Knew Her Weakness.
'The trouble with your wife, Mr.
Spudds," said the physician, "is lack
of exercise."
"What can I do for it?"
"I would put iu a telephone, and
then she will be kept busy delivering
messages for tho neighborhood."
Lifo.
Vanity Unproved.
"Yon see, my dear," said Mr.
Younghusband to his wife, trium
phantly, at 3 o'clock the other morn
ing, "the moment I begin to sing to
baby she is quite quiet."
'Yes," Baid his wife; "she is easily
frightened, poor little thing." Tit-
Bits.
(Speculation.
"Mother," said she, in the careless
language of a dyiug world, "doesn t
like you a little bit."
'I wonder." pondered tne young
man all privately, "whether she dis
likes me enough to abstain from call
ing at the house after we are wed
Indianapolis Journal.
Slightly Different Only.
"Now, really," said the Thoughtful
Mou, "did you ever boo o woman who
was homely enough to stop a clock
by looking at it?"
"Ho, said the nonsensical juup,
"but I have seen a woman stop a car
by looking tt the conductor. C in
cinnati Comuierciol-Tribnne.
A Wlu Prnfenftor.
"Now, Professor," said the yonug
man with musical aspirations, x uv
you to toll me exactly what you think
of my voice."
"No, sir," was the emphatic repiy.
T see through vou. You were sent
here by my enemies to get me arrested
for profanity." Washington Star.
Remembrances.
Wife (revisiting the scene of hor
betrothal) "I remember, Algernon,
so woll when you proposed to me, how
painfully embarrassed you were."
Algernon "les, dear aim i re
member so well how kind and encour
aging you were, aud how easy you
mode it for me, after all. nanem
Life.
What He Wanted.
Hobkins "My brother bought a
wheel here last week, aud you said if
anything broke you would supply a
new part."
Dealer "That's ngut. uat uo
you want?"
"I want two deltoid muscles, a new
set of kuucliles and a kuoe-pou."
Lifo.
Getting Talkative.
"There's just one thing about a
banquet," Baid Browning, as the fifth
course was brought on, "that I don't
like."
"What's that?" asked a mou across
the table.
"After it's all over, you know, you've
got to go homo." Chicago Daily
News.
After the Wedding.
bo thoughtful?" asked
"Why
the
bride.
"Well," replied the groom, "I've
just been tluukiug how I worried for
two years for fear I wouldn't get
you."
"And now?"
"Why, now, when I thiuk it all
ovor, I can't help kicking myself for
being such a fool as to worry." Chi
cugoPost." The Ol.leat Ship.
The oldest ship iu the world en
gaged in active service is the bark
True Love, now used as a coal hulk
on the Thames, near London. She
was built ut lliilodelphio iu 176 aud
is 133 yeurs old. Wheu luuuched the
True Love was the largest boat the
Delaware Biver had ever floated, be
ing ninety-six feet eight inches loug.
She suiled away from Philadelphia and
did not return for 101) years, when sh
again rcuched her birthplace from
Greeulaud with a cargo of kryolite.
Soon after she reached London, aud
was sold to a mou who mode a coal
barge of her.
A Caterpillar's Appetite.
A caterpillar iu the course of a mouth
will devour 0000 times its weight iu
food. It takes a man nearly three
mouths to cut a quantity of food equal
to his own weight.
TwntlPtli T..P. . C. V: I nnventlon.
The convention of he Oil City ami Vi
cinity Local Union Christian Kndeavor
Societies, hold In Oil City Friday after
noon and evenine of last week, at the
Frst Prosliyteriuin Church, was oho of
the larifost and must entertaining meet
ings ever held by the Union, says the
Hhiznrd Delegates from all the socie
ties were In attendance at the afternoon
meeting, the program of which wus a
greai help to all ineinlwrs of the society.
The evening session at 7:1 was largely
attended. Presidont T. K. Annst-ong of
Tionesta Kndnavor, presided. The musjo
was a special feature of the meeting, con
sisting of a selection by tho orchestra, an-
his
fol-
been
our
the
provi -
'emsj solo, "Ave Maria," Mis. Ilrokw :
Iamthesea!. "Tarry With Mc,' Mr. and Mrs.
As one holds les Smith ; violin solo. Warren If.
Hold It fast wlt K(,Vi Lawrcnre Seizor of Titus
Watchlng the col .. , , , , . ,,
Out of my bosom t was , delegate se.it by the
Pack to my depths n to the State convention at
The earth Is a helples , T,rv interesting report of
I am thc, , , ... , i.
he address by Hev J. W .
I nm the sen. When I dre, "Deepening the Spirit-
iionouis aim vtruurw iuii N
And tho land I leave grows
stirring appeal to the
For thn wonderful race of man iof most excellent
And tho wluds of heaven wall anivorkers. At the
While the nations rise and reign a , , t ,
Living and dying In folly nnd pain, ,
While the laws of the nniverso thundieheon in the
vain, was taste-
What Is the folly of muu to mo? , autllinn
I am the sea.
I am tho sea. The earth I sway;
Granite to mo is potter's clny;
Undtrtho touch of mv careless wavos
It rises In turrets and sinks in enves;
The Iron cliffs that odge tho land
1 grind to pebbles and sift to sand,
And bench-grass blowetb. and children play
In whnt wera the rocks of yesterday;
It Is but a moment of sport to.ine
I am tho sea.
I nm the sen. In my bosom deep
Wealth nnd wonder and beauty sleep;
Wealth and wonder and beauty rise
In ehanglng splendor of sunset skies,
Andeomfort theeurth with ruins and snows.
Till waves tho harvest and laughs the rose.
Flower ond forest and child of breath
With mo have life, without me, death.
What If the ships go down In me?
I am the sea.
Charlotte rorkluB Stetson, in tho Happy
Thought.
HUMOR .OF THE DAY.
No invention, we think, ever caused
quite so much talk ns the telephone.
lonkors Statesman.
Teacher "What animal attaches
himself to man the most?" Johnny
"The er er bulldog, ma'au)."
Pittsburg Bulletin.
"What is this telegraphy withou
wires?" "Well, wheu I was young
thev called it 'making eyes at the
girls.' " Chicago ltocord.
"Little pitchers hove long ears."
"True; but it wouldn't matter so much
it the big pitchers hodu't such very
loug tongues." Harper's Bazar.
"Drink to mo only with thine eyes?"
Tho poet was o sago, I wist.
The tilings one drinks with but ono's eyes
Are bnst expensive ou tho list!
Harper's Bazar.
Fair Visitor "I suppose, Mr. Ta
lette, thot true art is very difficult to
understand?" Mr. Palette "About
as difficult to understaud, ma'am, as it
is to sell." Detroit Free Press.
Watts "Cau yon furnish me a par
rot that nsos pure English?" Dealer
"I cau't exactly guarantee tho purity
Df this one's English, but I can assure
you thot he is perfectly grammatical."
Cleveland Leader.
Little Clarence (after thinking deep
ly) "Pa!" Mr. Callipers (wearily)
"Well, my son?" Littlo Clarence
"Pa, why is it two-headed girls ore so
scarce when two-faced men nro so com-
mou?" Harper's Bazar.
"I ain't goin' out ou a taudoui with
dot Susie Mellon girl again, no, sah."
"Whoffer?" "Kase when her toes
iu't collidiu' with the handle boh, her
hoels is plowin gutters iu do ground!"
Clovolaud Pluiu Dealer.
She "Tell me truly, now, is your
heart wholly mine?" He "As nearly
as it is possiblo, I being a loyal po
iriot. George Washington, you know,
is first in the hearts of his couutry
uieu." Boston Trauscript.
Mother (in horror) "O John!
Don't you see what baby is doing?
lie is sucking ull the paint ofl thot
monkey ou the stick!" Fathor (deep
iu his paper) "Oh, that's oil right!
U only cost two cents." Puck.
Smythe "I wonder what idiot orig
inated tho phrase, 'There's no ac
counting for taste?" " Tompkins
"Why?" Smythe "Because I'd like
to got at him! I've just been account
ing to the milliner und modiste for my
wife's taste!" Brooklyn Life.
"Say, old man, just suppose I hod
the choice, would you advise me to
marry an ugly girl with money or a
pretty girl without uiouey?" "A
pretty girl without money, by all
means. That would give you the
name of having money yourself."
Detroit Jouruul.
Visitor "What! He is throe months
old, and you haven't named him yet?"
Mrs. Wheeler "No. You Bee it's
this way: I want to name him ufter
my bicycle and John insists ou Homing
hiui after his. I guess we will hove to
compromise and uutne him ofter tho
wheel mother rides." Puck.
"So I hove won the wager, " he soid,
joyfully, "und the teu kisses ore
mine. I will take thorn at once."
"George," suid the beuutiful girl,
with a uoblo, generous light iu her
eye, "I am not the one to drive a hard
burguin with you. Let us cull it nine
uinety-niue." At teu o'clock the
score was past the hundred murk.
Detroit Free l'ress.
First Burglar "It's no use tryin'
dot pluce t'-uight. De mou au' his
wife weut iu 'bout on hour ao, au' I
heurd him toll her he'd buy her a di'
moud necklace tomorrer." Second
Burglar "What's dut got t' do wit it?"
First Burglur "Plenty! She wou't
be able t' sleep for t'inkiu' 'bout it,
au' he wou't sleep fer t'inkiu' how he's
got t' pay for it." Puck.
A Cylluder Kteamer.
The new steuuier invented by a
Cttuudiuu lawyer, with which he ex
pects to revolutionize hike uud oceau
travel, is composed of an iuner and
outer Bteol cyliuder. Provided with
150 horse-power the outer cyliuder is
rolled across the water with great
speed, w hile the iuner cylinder, whioh
curries the pussengcrs, remuius pou
duut. Iu two duys the inventor ex.
poets to revulve his craft from New
York to Liverpool.
Water aud Tobuco.
If a tin of wuter is placed at uight
iu tho loom where people have bceu
smoking, the usuul Binell of stale to
bacco .-ill be gone in the moruing.
pieces
' set
irk