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XJBLICAN.
VOL. XXX. NO. 7.
TIONESTA, TA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 2, 1897.
&1.00 PER ANNUM.
Bofore tho end of this yenr every
one of the 1G8 towns in Connecticut
will bo counoctod by telephone.
The Peruvlnn oil region in "aid to
cover 72,00 squnro miles. That of
Pennsylvania is altont 850 square
miles.
A correspondent asks the Chicago
Times-Herald to "describe tho Greek
cross." It would be much easier to
describe what has made the Qreck
cross, ,
According to the London Labor
Gazette, there were 10117 strikes last
year, asjigaiiiht only 870 in 1805; bnt
the number of laborers involved was
2(13,758 in tho latter yenr, nnd only
199,000 in 18MJ.
A curious illustration of tho diverse
conditions that may exist in this ooun
try is the fact that while so many
people in the Mississippi Valley are
suffering from floods tho New Orleans
papers are raining money for sufferers'
from the drouth in Louisiana.
A woman's bicycle club was organ
ized in Detroit the other day, but the
Free Press says that it collapsed
within a week becnuso no two members
HHiuiu ngree as 10 mo uiuiorm to ne
worn. When Colorado musters in its
company of women militia there will be
trouble.
While a marriage ceremony was
being performed near Danville, Va., a
kerosene lamp flamed up and was
about to explode when the bride seizod
it and hurled it through a window.
The groom then came out from under
the table, where he had hidden, and
tho ceremony proceeded.
Promotions are coming rnpidly these
days in the upper ofllciul circles of the
regular army. What few veterans of
the Civil War aro left find tho age of
retirement close at baud in the young
est cases. "The army will soon be
in the hands of ofllcors trained only in
the walks of peace," observes the New
For tho first time in twenty-eight
years the State of Ohio is without
Democratic representation in the
United States Senate. The long period
of divided representation begun in
1809, with tho election of Allen G.
Thurman as tho colleague of John
Sherman. Once only has the rule of
divided representation been broken,
and that was iu the Forty-sixth Con
gross, when George II. Pendleton was
the colleague of Senator Thurmau.
One of the new dictionaries has in it
a pretty big and yet perhaps a useable
word, "politicalization," of which it
seems to be itself somewhat in doubt,
although it half-supports it with a
quotation from the Brooklyn Eagle,
which coined the phrase. The Eagle
it seems, once referred to "tho steady
politicalization of the public schools,"
by which it meant the subjection of
these schools to political control.
Whatever wo may think of the word,
.comments the New York Observer, tho
danger indicated is certainly a real
one.
Illinois women are makiug a strong
effort to lift the compulsory education
law of their State into activity. At
present the law only , remains that
every child shall attend school for six
teen weeks each year. Children easily
evade it by an irregular attendance
during the last term of school. When
the school has closed it becomes diffi
cult to determine whether or not they
have had the prescribed amount of
tuition. Actually, although there is a
penalty for infraction of the law, and
although iufractiou is frequeut, the
penalty has' never been imposed. It
is believed that a simple amendment
requiring the sixteen weeks of tuition
to be consecutive aud at the begin
ning of the term, aud providiug for the
enforcement of the law, will be suffi
cient.
A newspaper artist has been tolling
some of tho woes of the men who make
pictures for the daily papers. He Bays:
"It makes me tired sometimes when I
hear some smart Aleck who couldn't
tell the difference between art aud a
side of sole leather criticise newspaper
illustrations. . The public, doesn't uu
derstand what handicaps are contiuu
ally thrown about our work. A few
days before election I was given in
structions to make a portrait of oue
of the candidates. He gave me an old
daguerreotype, made just after the
war, aud Baid he had had no photo
graph taken since then. Well, I made
his picture all right, but iu order to
do it I first had to out off a full beard
aud curl his moustache. Then I gave
him a hair cut, parted his hair on the
other side, gave hiui a staud-up collar
aud a modern cravat, aud added thirty
years
worth of wrinkles to his face,
Aud yet they say such work iuu't art,"
THE SAME
Mothers, out of the mother-heart,
Fashion a song both soft and low.
Alwnys the same, dear mother art,
Hocking the baby to and fro.
Alwnys a laity, loving crone,
Hummed in sleepy undertono.
Down the baby snuggles to sleep
Winking as long an wink he may.
Now with a kick Iih tries to keep
The trlcksny god from his eyes away
We-wa, wo-wa, long, long ago,
The Indian mother chanted low.
Weeing, she said, on tho baby's brow
Hoftly struck with his wee war club.
Astride of his nose he plnyuth slow,
With his little fist a rub-a-dub.
We-wa, we-wa, tender and low,
Hocking the baby to and fro,
Le-ro-ln, le-ro-la, ever a mum.
Like murmuring bee In the golden light
Under tho palm trees mothers come
JJthlope mothers, dark as night '
Chanting the same old silvery flow,
Bwnlglng the baby to and fro.
TALE OF TWO RINGS.
' -J r -r- ATtanv " t
ix. a. j v. M, k?ie i va
invol untarily,
stooping to knock
the ash from my
cigar, "perhaps I
ought not to ask,
although I have
known you for
nearly three
years, nut is it usual lor a wife to wear
two wedding rings?
Dead silence. Ho had lust lowered
his violin, after a very soft solo for it
was considerably past midnight when
ventured that curious question.
There had been au evening party, and,
as I was to stay at the house till morn
ing, Carson's wife had said "Good
night" and left us to finish our inevita
ble smoke and talk. His mouth
twitched a little, but it was some time
before ha retorted in a low tono:
Is it usual for a man well under
forty to have hair as white as mine?"
Well, perhaps not but I thought
you attributed that to some shock or
other. Whut has that to do with
with tho two rings?"
"Everything." Ho listened at the
door for a moment, turned down tho
lights and then came and sat down,
spreading his hands over the fire.
Two rings? Exactly, ono is the ring
I put on her finger when I married
her; tho second was put there by an
other man, and will stay there as long
as the first. '
"Never mind now," I said. His
voice had trailed off huskily. "I had
no idea there was any tragic element
behind the fact.
"Tragic? Heavens! It was more
than that, Arthur," he whispered,
turning up a drawn face. "I never
ineaut to touch upon it, but when you
spoke it came back with a rush as vivid
as if I had been standing at the mouth
of the old north shaft again. And that
was sis years ago.
"You've heard mo speak at least, of
tho mine itself tho Langley Mine, in
Derbyshire. I had ouly been assistant
surveyor at the pits there for about
nine months when it happened. At 9
o'clock that morning, Arthur, three of
us stepped into the cage old Jim
Halliday, the foreman, his son Jim,
and myself; the men had gone down
an hour before. I shall never forget
that young Jim's sweetheart had
walked over to the pit with him, as she
occasionally did. They were to bo
married in a week or two, and she
and she had on her finger the ring that
he had bought in Derby the day be
fore just for safety's sake, or perhaps
out of womanly pride. I recollect that
just as the chain clanked and the win
ter suushine was disappearing over
head, he shouted out a third 'Good-byl'
to her little dreaming that it was
to be good-by. Little enough old Hal
liday and I thought that days would
elapse before we emerged into God's
sunlight again!
"A new vein had been bored the
year before, aud then abaudoned be
cause it' ran in the direction of the
river. Wo three had had instructions
to widen it for a space of 800 yards a
piece of work that had occupied us
nearly a a month. Old Jim picked
and young Jim wheeled the coal awav
to the nearest gallery, from where it
was carried over rails to the bottom of
the main shaft.
"Well, by 4 o'clock that afternoon
we calculated roughly that we had
reached the limit laid down.
" 'I think it's as near as possible,
Mr. Carson,' old Halliday said. 'Jim,
give another count, we don't want the
water ooming in
"Jim went back; We could hear
him singing out the paces in his light
hearted fashion as he returned, his
voice echoing through the long galler
ies. 'Two-sixty-uiue pooh! you're
miles off it, dad!' He was ouly a
score of yards off, though. 'Two-six-ty-niue
two-sevenjy-four. It'll allow
a full twenty yet, I recon.'
He had just finished his count when
but there, no mau could properly
describe it. It was something one
had to realize for himself before he
could understand a bare half of the
sudden terror that whitened our lips
aud seemed to bring our hearts to a
standstill. There was a rumbling in
one of the distant galleries, ami a sick
ening tremble of the ground under
neath us; then then the most paralyz
ing sound, I do believe, that is to be
heard iu this world. How or why it
happened is something to be placed
among the host of unsolved mysteries;
but there was oue grinding, splinter
ing roar, as though the earth had split
into pieces.
"Before we could stir baud or foot
to save ourselves, before we could even
take in that an explosion had occurred
while we were guarding against an
other sort of danger, down thundered
OLD SONG.
Mothers, too, with the snowy skin,
I)v-lo, by-lo, tenderly sing,
Ann tell the dustman coming In,
Into the baby's eyes to fling
Atoms of ilust to make him wink,
And Into dreamland gently sink.
We-wa, we-wa, by-lo, by-lo,
Le-ro-la, le-ro-ln. ever the same
Ever the tune of the long ago)
Out of tho motherly henrt it came,
Horn of a sense Mint mothers know,
Hocking tho baby to and fro.
White or black or bronze the hue,
Alwuvs tho same sweet tuna Is heard.
The sweetest song earth ever knew,
Uappy as trill of the nestling bird.
Mothers content In the twilight glow
Are rocking their babies to aud fro.
Mothers, out of the mother-heart,
Fashion a song both sweet nnd Ion
Always the same, dear mother art,
Hoc king the baby to and fro.
Always a lazy, loving erone,
Hummed In a drenmy undertone.
The Home Queen.
I2
7f
a mass of coal, tons noon tons of it.
that blocked up the only passage lead
ing to tho shaft. It just reached
young Jim; standing where he did, he
was struck down we heard his screech
stilled beneath the debris. For about
five more seconds tho earth seemed to
be heoviug aud threatening universal
cnoos; men all became still as a tomb
"A tomb! We had our lamps; old
Jim and I looked, and saw that we
were cut off from the rest of the world
W hat happened next I hardly
&uuw, j. was siupinea witu tlio shock,
sick with a mortal fear of death. He
and I stood staring mutely nt each
other. The only thing I recollect is
that his face was grny as marble, and
uiai a line oi irotu stood on his lips.
Ho was tho first to come back to
sense. He gave one choking cry of
'Jim!' and staggered forward to that
black pile. The boy's hand was stick
ing out from the bottom of it, clutch
ing convulsively at nothing. I sank
down and watched, in a sort of dreary
fascination, as old Jim, uttering
mmiKu cries, tore at tuo mass in
mad frenzy. God help him! Jim was
the only thing he had in the world to
love. In less thau five minutes he had
dragged him out, aud sat down to hug
uiiu iu, uis arms. jjead? Ko; he could
just open his poor dust-filled eves in
auBwer to nis rather s whispers; but
we knew at once that he would never
again make the galleries echo his pierc-
lug wuisue.
, 1 1 .
i or wuoie Honrs, i snnnose.
neither of us attempted to realize our
situation. We sat on iu the dead si
lence, waiting for something to hap.
pen. unco or twice we saw young
Jim's blackened lips move feely, and
eacu time lus father would mutter
brokeuly. 'Ay, my precious boy, we'll
look after her!" Once the old man
broke out, quaveriugly, into the hymn,
"Abide With Me!' but ho got no fur
ther than the third line. That, per
uupn, was BOOUt O O Clock, UUt WO
could keep no count of the time, as my
watch had stopped. Hour after hour
must have gone by, aud still old Jim
sat, with rigid face and staring eves,
clasping his burden. In all probability
it was morning above ground before at
last ne spoke.
" 'How long can wo hold out, Mr,
Carson? I'm afraid to go on. I'vo
been a godless man all my time.'
mi i v
xuat rouseu me. I examined our
position carefully. The passage was
about eight yards wide at this point,
and measured about twenty paces from
the end to where that Bolid wall of
coal blocked our path to the outer
world. As the bore ran level with tho
foot of the north shaft, we were about
forty feet below the clear surface. Wo
had no food, and our lamps would
burn, say, another five or six hours
while the breathing air, hot aud cas
eous already, would probably become
unendurable before the evening came,
m..i -x . . .
iui was our summon, and let any
man conceive a worse, if he can. One
slender chance of escape at the best
left; perhaps the entire passage was
not blocked, aud we might force our
way to the main gallery. I was not
afraid of death in the way that it comes
to most people, but I was afraid to
meet and struggle with it there. We
sprang to the task, wild at the thought
that those few hours of stupor might
have made all the difference.
"You can guess what happened, and
why, after along spoil of fight iug to
oreak tnrougu tuat nomtde wall, ol
T .1 1 ' , ...
jim iurew uimseu uown witu a groan
ana reiuseu to go on. As fast as
loosened ono mass, another crashed
down in its place; at the end of our des
perate attempt we were half choked
and blinded with dust, our hands were
raw aud we had made scarce any head
way. uareiy, too, nan we given up
the work as hopeless when my lamp
flickered' out; half au hour later, old
Jim's followed suit.
"Total oblivion! As I sat and con
templated our fate, a fuintuess of
mingled hunger and despair crept over
me. Young Jim, quite still, was
propped up against the wall close by,
Within a few feet of me sat his futher
ut times he would start up aud shri
out iu nameless terror at others he
would catch up his pick aud hack at
the walls with the fury of a maniac.
Aud worse was to come.
"I think I must have faiutod. I do
not seem to recollect auy more until
the moment when I became conscious
of my mate's hard breathing over me
aud of the fact that his hand was feel
iug or, so it seemed fuiLuy throat,
I dashed away, pautiuguuder the
shock of this new horror.
" 'Jim,' I gasped, 'for Heoven'i
sake keep sane! If we're to go, let us
die like men!
"No auswer; I heard him crawling
away, and that was all. IJlie dead
silence was only broken by a faint
trickling sound. Trickling! Yes; I
put my hand to tho level, and found
half an inch of water and hotter and
stifling grew the atmosphere. Tray
ing hard to myself, I realized now that,
should no help come, ouly a few hours
could live betwixt us and the end.
And then old Jim might go first, and
should be left. Nay, I was already
practically alone; the fear that was
slowly whitening my hair had turned
old Jim's brain.
He suddenly sent up a peal of
delirious laughter. 'Water! Who
says water? Why, mates, I'm swim
ming in it! Here a go!'
"Presently ho began creeping round
to find me. I could hear him coming,
by his labored respiration, and the
swishing of the ooze as he moved.
Round and round the space we went
stealthily, until at lat he made a cun
ning rush and caught me by the ankle.
Uot nun! He yelled it with a glee
thnt was unmistakable.
More words could never convey
tho sensation of that moment. Half
suffocated, past all ordinary fear, I
closed with my poor old mate, and wo
went staggered to and fro across our
prison, until at last I managed to throw
him so that his head struck heavily
against the wall. After that he lay
quite still. I believed at the time that
I had killed him, but we knew after
ward that it was that blow which pre
served his reason.
"The rest can be told in a few wof ds.
After that I lay there like one in a
dream, while the pestilential air slowly
did its work. Sometimes I fancied I
could feel cool breezes blowing down
on me, and at others heard some one
telung me to wake up, for that tho
whistle had sounded at the pits. How
long I lay so, I can only conjecture. I
really knew nothing more until I was
roused by the sound of that cool bar.
rier crashing down before the picks
and spades of a dozen rescuers, and
the hubbub from a dozen throats as
they broke into our tomb.
"Only just in time. Old Jim's face
was only lust out of the water, and
they said that no human being could
have lived in that atmosphere for an.
other two hours. And young Jim?
well, there was just enough life left in
him to lat three days.
"Till tho end of that third day, I
kept to my bed; and then they sent to
say tuat lie was going, but that he
wished to see me first. I reached the
house just iu tiuio to catch his last
whisper.
" 'lou you 11 take her, mate! Marry
her uo one else! Only only, you'll
let my ring stay there. Promise mo
that.'
"What could I do but promise? I
had no thought then of marrying his
sweetheart but it was his dying wish,
and for years Jim and I had beeu like
brothers.
'Just a year later I asked her if
there was room in her heart for me,
and and well, that's enough. Now
you know why my wia wears two wed
ding rings. "Tit-Bits.
KlMMle. of the Flood.
When John Andrews, a farmer liv
ing on Island No. 8, iu tho lower Ten
nessee, woke up one morning during
the recent high-water experience he
found a good-sized house strauded in
one of his fields. Like other struct
ures carried away by the flood, it had
floated down stream from some point
above to find lodgment in the shallows.
Tho wanderer was a large two-story
log house, sealed and plastered and
filled with furniture.
One of the results of the flood in the
west end of East St. Louis brought
about a novel funeral procession. Will
iam Lorman, a plasterer, died. The
street was flooded and neither car
riages nor hearse could get near the
house. The Btreet-car compauy was
appealed to and responded with two
trolley -cars. Ono was ' used for a
hearse aud the other was utilized by
the mourners. The journey to tho
gates of the cemetery was made iu this
manner.
Canada Covet, a Mooae Head.
Harry M. Church, of New Bedford,
Mass., who last October shot tho larg
est bull moose ever seeu in New
Brunswick, has just received word that
the Provincial Government at Fred
erickton has confiscated the moose's
head and placed it iu one of the publio
buildings at Fredericktou, says the
Boston Herald.
Mr. Church left the head to bo
dressed when he returned home, but
found afterward that the mau he left it
with had endeavored to steal it from
him. He secured legal tdvice and
made a strong light to secure the head.
Finally the attention of the Govern
ment was called to the matter, and, it
being the finest specimen ever shot in
New Brunswick, the antlers spreading
out over five feet and having twenty
prongs, the head was confiscated ou
the ground that tho animal was illegal
ly shot, aud it was thus prevented
from leading the Provinces. The
moose weighed 1000 pounds.
Thl. Hog Carrie, an I'mbrella.
A New Orleans correspondent of the
Philadelphia Times writes: On a
quiet little thoroughfare letting off of
St. Charles avenue, there might have
been Been during the heavy rain yes
terday afternoon a big Bhaggy Now
fouudlaud dog carrying a spread um
brella iu his mouth, his dripping fail
sticking out from under and wagging
complacently.
Investigation revealed the fact that
mere was a nine giri under tlie um
brella with the dog, her tiuy arm
arm thrown around his neck, and the
two tripping along most amicably.
"My name is Marie," said the little
maid upon beiug questioned, "aud
this is Beauregard, my very own dog.
Yes, Beaury goes to school with me.
I go to the kindergarten, you know,
aud he r.lways carries the umbrella if
it's raining, because 1 can't, you see,
and he can." Aud the big umbrella
sheltering the two friends passed on.
jNDUSTRIAL.
reports bottled
Munich, Bavaria,
liquefied nir.
Some comets have more than one
tail. The great comet of 1744 had six
tails spread fan shape.
Two French biologists find evidence
that fasting lessens the effect of diph
theria and other microbial poisons.
The largest mammoth 'found in the
UBiberian ice fields measured seventeen
feet in length and was ten feet high.
Electricity has been adopted as tho
motive power of the machinery con
nected with the drainage system in
New Orleans.
To guard against disease the Legis
lature of New Hampshire passed a law
providing for the inspection of all ice
sold within the State.
Tho eye of the vulture is so con
structed that it is a high-power tele
scope, enabling the bird to see objects
at an almost incredible distance.
A nugget of platinum, weighing
nearly two pounds, is on exhibition in
New York. This is believed to be tho
largest nugget ever discovered, tho
metel being usually found iu very
small grains.
A company has been formed which
made an offer to the municipality of
St. Petersburg, Russia, to light all the
streets of the city with electrio lights
for the same price that is now paid for
tho very unsatisfactory lighting with
oil lamps.
Charles Burckhalter, the astronomer
of theChabot Observatory, of Cali
fornia, will travel half-way around the
world so that for two minutes, in far
off India, he may endeavor to photo
graph the suu during solar eclipse of
next January.
' True manna is said to be found on
the blades of a blue grass growing in
Queensland. Nearly three parts of it
consist of mannite, which, though
sweet, is not a sugar. Masses as large
as marbles appear on the nodes of tho
stems. The manna-bearing grass is
not only indigenous to Australia, but
is found in tropical Asia and Africa.
Telegraph and telephone poles are
the latest development in the line of
manufactures from paper. They are
made of pulp in which a small amount
of borax, tallow, aud other ingredients
are mixed. These are cast in a mold
in the form of a hollow rod of the de
sired length. The poles are claimed
to be lighter and stronger than wood,
and it is said that tho weather does
not affect them.
RAISINC A BIG BELL.
It Weighs Ninety-Eight Ton. and 1. Over
Twelve Feet High.
For some time past there has been a
sort of dead-heat between the two big
gest bells in the world, tho oue at the
Cathedral iu Moscow, and the other at
the unfinished pagoda of Mengoou,
India, north of Mandulay across tho
rivor. If the former was the bigger of
the two, it was cracked, and therefore
useless as a bell, while the latter,
though whole, has 'dragged its sup
ports down till it rested ou the ground,
aud would not emit any sound. Now,
however, it has beeu reswnng, aud can
claim attention as the biggest bell, in
working order, iu the world, says Lon
don Sketch.
In 1890 the Burmese community
decided to have the bell raised, and
employed the Irrawaddy Flotilla Com
pany, Limited, to do the work. The
rim of the bell was first supported by
huge baulks of timber wedged in all
round, and a tripod erected over it to
fasten the shackle to and keep it up
right. "The'old supports having been
knocked away, two large irou columns,
twenty-five feet high, cast by tho Irra
waddy Compauy, were erected, with
concrete foundations. A large steel
cross-girder, with a distributing girder
ou the top of it, was then passed
through the shackle, aud the bull was
raised by screwjacks all round aud
wedges of timber, until the cross-
girder could be placed ou Uie pillars
and riveted in position. The screw
jacks were then eased and the bell left
swingiug, with its lower rim about two
feet ten inches from tho ground, The
weight is about uiuety-eight tons, the
circumference at the base being 51)
feet, aud at the top twenty-six feet.
It averages over a foot in thickness.
The bell itself is over twelve feet high,
and the shackle, which was intended
for logs of timber, about twelve feet.
The piu iu the shackle has a diameter
of sixteen inches. The bell was, ojist
about the beginning of the century by
King Isodaw-paya as au accompani
ment to the huge brick pugodu which
he never finished. It is said to have
been cast on au islaud aud rafted across.
No proper means yet exist for striking
the bull, but when hit with a heavy
piece of wood it gives out a deep
vibrating boom.
Derivation of the Names of the Day..
Suuday is so called, because it was
anciently dedicated tj the worship of
the buu. Monday means literally the
day of the uioou. Tuesdiiy was dedi
cated to Tniseo, the Mars of our Saxon
ancestors, the deity that presided over
combats, strifes and litigation. Hence
in Euglaud Tuesday issize day; the
day for combat, or commencing litiga
tiou. Iu this country it is generally
the day selected for the opening of
court terms or susHiotis. educsduy
is so culled from Wodiu, or Odm,
deity or chief umong the northern
nations of Europe. TuiaTuilay wits
named by the Saxons from Thor, 'the
old Teutonic god of thunder. Friday
is from Frea or Friga, a goddess of the
old Saxon mythology. Kattirduy means
simply Saturn's day.'thu name beiug
derived from the deity of that name,
Traveling on the Juuiffrau.
Un the new Juugfrau lluilwav in
Switzerland no passengers will 1
accepted until examined medically, ami
if auy travelers feel ill they must get
out, aud they w ill be afforded medical
attendance.
SCIENTIFIC AND
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
IIednp.lt Alone Now Determined Novel
Writing lpnfrnlng Thrown In A
New Tack III. Kxplnnntlnn -The True
Test A Ciloomy Climax, 1"e Itc.
Ere they were wed 'twas freely snld
Hhe led him by the nose;
Now his turn's eoine; she sits at home,
And wonders where he goes.
Cleveland Leader.
Ietennlnefl.
'Don't appear to be in such a hurry
to meet him, Maud."
'I'm only hastening to pass him by.
Judy.
Novel Writing.
"Pushpen thinks he has struck n
new note in fiction."
"It must be a bank note." Chicago
Kecord.
Ieafening.
"A man who will wear such a suit
of clothes must be deficient in taste."
"Taste! Why, ho must bo hard of
hearing." Detroit Journal.
A New Tack.
"My wife is a most original wo
man, said Drown. w uy, wnen l
proposed to her, instead of saying
this is so midden, slie said, "well, 1
think it's about time.' " Harper's Ba
zar. Thrown In.
Wife "It does seem hard that when
a woman marries hub has to take uer
husband's name."
Husband "Well, she takes every
thing else he's got, why leave that
out?" Pick-Me-Up.
Hi Kxplnnntlnn.
Johnnie has been accused of crying.
"I des I aiut," he maintained, gulp
ing.
"What aro yon doing tnen" ques
tioned Uncle Henry.
"Lettin' my eyes leak." Chicago
Record.
A Ciloomy Climax.
"Did you finish the story you were
at work on?"
"Yes," replied the litterateur.
"You were iu doubt ns to its conclu
sion. Did it have a happy or unhappy
ending?"
"Unhappy. The editor refusod to
print it." Tit-Bits.
The True Tet.
Bess "You could hardly call her a
social success."
Jess "Why, she seems to have
plenty of admirers."
Bess "Oh, yes, if you look at it
that way, but I don't believe she's on
friendly terms with a single mau sho
over rejected." Chicago Journal.
All He Could Carry.
"I took the dough," soid the gentle
man who hud beeu caught "going
through the clothes" of a drunken
mau, "because I don't believe iu no
mau a-haviu' more than he needs."
"Bnt how did yon know that ho did
not need his money?"
"Uf course he didn't need it. He
was plumb paralyzed." Iudiaunpolis
Journal.
No (ireat Iangcr.
In the Criminal Court the presiding
Judge ou the bench, a German, asked
to be excused from jury duty.
"Why?" asked the Judge.
"Well, Your Honor, I don't under
stand good English."
"Oh, you will do," replied tho
Judge. "You won't hear much good
English here, anyhow." Philadelphia
Record.
Wifely Arroinpllshment.
Mrs. Conimonstalk (soberly) "Aro
you sure your fiance will make a good
home body, Ely? Do you thiuk she
knows anything about mending, for
instance?"
Cholly Commonstalk "About mend
ing, mother? Why, that is her very
strongest poiut. ' 1 saw her mend a
busted tire once iu just fourteen min
utes by the watch." Harper's Bazar.
The Why of It.
"Perfidious woman!" he hissed
through his clenched teeth.
"Oh, why do you speak thus?" sho
faltered.
"Thou well knowest!"
Such was probably the fact.
Almost anybody could see his teeth
did not tit very well, and had to be
kept clenched if they were to be hissed
through with any degree of comfort.
Detroit Journal.
An Age Limit.
"Did you speak to my father?
said
Miss Gushlcy.
"Yes," replied the young man with
embarrassment.
"You told him that despite your
humble fortune, we wished to marry?"
"Yes or something to that pur
pose. "
"Aud what did he reply? That I
was too young?"
"No, not exactly. He said that I
was old enough to have more sense."
Washington Star.
blierltM'k Agalu
4"Ah," said Sherlock Holmes, sitting
down on the comer of the editor's desk,
"I see you have just received a story
from a young wouiau iu a lawyer's
office."
"How can you tell?" asked the edi
tor. "Cau you recognize the type
writing?" "No. Don't you see the strifTg is
tied in a regulation true love knot?
That is tho young woman end ol it.
And iustead of ribbon she has used
red tape." Cincinnati Enquirer.
Value of Clean Mrrrta.
It pays to have the cbffiiest streets
iu the world. The etr.lt bureau iu
Paris finds itself with a surplus of
LIFE'S JOURNEY.
He went to seek his fortune
With light and Joyous tread,
And nil his bag nnd bnggnga
Was just a crut of bread,
Ho proud and Independent,
That vonth upon that day.
Ho brightly beamed the future,
He threw the crust away.
Years afterward a pilgrim
Without sack or load,'
But, with a stick to lean on,
Came hobbling down the road. S
It was the youth yon wot of,
Now humbled, bowed and "bust,1
And bo had journeyed homeward
To try i
' nnd find that crust.
L. I'nrks, in Truth,
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Bobby 'Ta, what is an
law?" Pa "Usually the
helr-at-lawyer,
Uobhy." Judge.
"I can't see why they speak of the
wisdom of the serpent. " "Well, you
never heard of a serpent getting its leg
pulled, did yon?" Truth.
Gosling "Miss Oldstylo seems to
be very strong on literature.'- Miss
Giddy "Yes, poor thing; that's all
that is left to her!" Truth.
"My husband is a great lover of tho
beautiful." "Indeed he is. I should
think that you would almost feel jea
lous sometimes." Detroit Journal.
Jimmy "I heard Tommy Jones was
ill nearly all tho holidays." Johnny
"Yes, and what's worse, he got well
just in time to go to school." Boston
Traveler.
Mrs. Hnshcroft "Is there too much
seasoning in the turkey, Mr. Billings?"
Billings "No; I should say there is
too little turkey iu the seasoning."
Indianapolis Journal. .
Freshman "I would like to get
shaved, sir close, sir." Barber
"Exactly, sir; there is nothing better
for the scalp than that, if you don't
mind the looks." Judge.
Frances "Yes, he is pursuing
literature." Gertrude "Indeed. And
is he very successful?" Frances
"No. It is still a long way ahead of
him." Cleveland Lender.
Teacher "Tommy, if you gave your
little brother niuo sticks of candy and
then took away seven, what would that
make?" Tommy "It would make
him yell." Harper's Bazar.
"How could you have the nerve
after hearing her to tell her that sho
sang divinely?" "Why, my dear fel
low, a woman who would sing like that
could be told anything?" Puck.
The Boarding Mistress "And she
moved away owing you for throe weeks'
meat?" The Fat Boy "Yes'm! It
wasn't so much, mum. She kept a
boardin'-house, you know." Puck.
"Willie Wishington," said the
friend, "is one of those people who
tell everything they know." "Yes,"
replied Miss Cayenne wearily, "aud
he doesn't talk very much, either."
aslungtou Star.
First Cabmau "I axed him t'reo
dollars, but he said he had only two;
an', anyhow, he said de legal fare was
only one." Second ahman "Well,
I s'pose you took do two dollars au' ac
cepted de apology." Puck.
Tramp (desperately, to reporter)
"If yer don't give ine some money,
guv'nor, I'll commit suicide before yer
werry eyes." Reporter (eagerly) "I
wish you would my good fellow;
"copy" is awfully scarce!" Staudard.
Waggish Friend "Where did you
get that " Sjiriggins (gasping).
"Eh! Who" "That hat?" "Oh!
lT.it9 fit itmirual ltotwlit It. umund
the corner. I was afraid you were go
ing to ask me where I got this um
brella." New York Weekly.
Novel ltiiblilt Traps.
Many of the Russiai! fanners west of
town are complaining about jack rab
bits falling down their chimucys and
frequently lodging thcrciu, stopping
the passage of the smoke. Their pea
santlike houses which are all pro
vided with large fireplaces and pro
portionately large chimneys are most
ly low aud covered w ith "the "beauti
ful." Tho chimneys, of course, have
to bo kept clear of snow. After it has
been shoveled away several times, a
large funnel-shaped cone remains, the
walls of which aro rendered icy by the
alternate influence of tho tire below
aud the cold above. Any wild an
imal prowling' around ou a bitter
cold night, upon Hearing one of these
smoke cones and feeling the waruitu
would naturally seek closer proximity
thereto, whereupon, Uh ventures would
invariably result in a slide, Mr. An
imal landing iu the lire box below,
Kulm (N. D.) Wind.
Kuap From Kuutlower Seeds.
Those interested iu new industries
may be glad to hear that it is possible
to manufacture good soups from sun
flower seeds. Sunflowers grow easily,
aud need little attention. A company
has been organized in the United
States to manufacture this sort of soap.
It is claimed that the average yield of
plants to the acre is ''Mm pounds gross;
percentage of oil is one-third tho
weight of the seeds, so that 000 pounds
of seed will make 200 pounds of oil.
The latter, wheu refilled and ready to
use iu making soap, is worth about
$1 a pound, and is said to make the
finest of toilet soups. The net profit
of the sunflower to the grower is put
ut ftl 1 un iicre.
lint Killing Their Fad.
Tl,d newest fin 1 in Scott County.
Indiana, is "rat killings." The i.-itnty
has lately beeu invaded by hordes of
rats, which are doing much damage.
When a "killing" i arranged all the
men and robust boys in the neighbor
hood are invited, and, armed with
clubs and accompanied by dogs, they
begin a systematic clcuuing out of
barus, haystacks aud corn cribs. The
rats are very tierce, aud several men
have beeu severely bitteu by them, but
the work goes on nevertheless, and the
average mortality of rodents at a kill
ju is about 200. Detroit Free Press.
1 $10,000 at the eud of the year.