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VOL. XXIX. NO. 29. T1WESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, XOV, 4, 1890. 81.00 PER ANNUM.
An effort will bo matte to cultivate
tbe unr;nr beet in tho South.
Toxas ishnrder on Rhoo leather "per
capita" thnn any other Stoto in tho
Union. . .
Professor Graham Boll's claim that
ho "can talk a million miles on a sun
beam" onnds to the Chicago Itooor J
liko ruoonshine.
The common belief that fine whita
breail contains loss nutriment than
ooarse brown broad is a mistake. So
says M. Girnrd, tho eminent French
chemist.
Tho German law now requires thftt
tiontraots for faturos in agricultural
products bo made a public record,
and subjects all dealers in futures to
substantial tax. The law is intended
to entiroly suppress speculative deal
ings in pro du co.
Says the American Agriculturist:
'Wa boliove none of the roports to
the ravings banks oommissionors of
our Middle Statog classify tho occupa
tions of their depositors and borrow
era. It would bo highly interesting
to have these facts, as without them
it Is not possible to tell to what ex
tent agriculturists avail themselves of
the savings banks.
At the congress of the deaf mutes
lately held in Geneva, the surprising
faot was developed that these unfor
tunates in general disapprove of tho
comparatively now labial system of
instruction which in many schools has
3boen substituted for the aid method of
digital signs. Many speakors, employ
ing the latter method, argnod very
lucidly against the innovation. Only
one advooutod it. The majority said
that the reading of the lips nevor
gives to the deaf mute an 'exact idea
of the thought or sentiment which it
is desired to express. It is to them
Tory rnuoh us the reading of a dead
language is to those who can hear, but
can only vaguely understand it Tho
digital language, thoy declared, was
that whioh was most natural to deaf
mutes. These views are a great dis
appointment to many who havo sap
posed that the teaching of tho labial
systom was one of the greatest booms
ever bestowed npon those who can
neither hear nor talk.
The distinguished scientist, Lord
Kelvin, who has beon termed tho
"urince of living physicists," has
placed on record this confession :
"One word characterizes tho most
strenuous of tho efforts for tho ad
vancement of soience that I have made
porsevoringly for fifty-five years ; that
word is failure. I know no more of
electrio and magnetic force, or of the
relations between ether, electricity
and ponderable matter, or of chemical
affinity, than I knew and tried to teach
my students fifty years ago, in my
first session as professor." Yet Light
ning, a London paper, suggests that
Kelvin's failures may may be more
fruitful than some men's sucoesses. It
likens the modern physicist's humility
to that of the great Newton when he
compared himself to a child pluying
on the beach, and adds : "The riddlo
of the nniverso is scarcely nearer being
solved now than it was in 1CJG, and if
our mathematical tools are better
tempered than those then used, they
bare taughor metal to out."
1 Spain is Laving her hands full with
iter colonios, exclaims tho New York
Independent. In addition to the war
in Cuba there is considerable disturb
anoe.in Fuerto Rica, but more serious
still is the revolt in the Philippine
Islands. For years these have been a
souroo of much revenue to the home
Government and very little expense.
The exports of tobacco and homp, as
well as of coffee, cotton' etc, have
been very heavy, and tho Government
has been a curious mixture of Spanish
despotism and looal Belf-govoruiuont.
The original inhabitants havo almost
disappeared ; and the Malays, who
have to a great degree taken their
place, are for the moet purt quiet, in
dustrious, inoffensive peoplo. Of late
years numbers of Chinese havo como
in from Hongkong, and thoy and the
Mestizoes (ohilJren of Chinese fathers
and Malay mothers) form tho most
aggressive clement. A number of
these, it is supposed, in connection
with filibusters from llongkoug aud
secret societies in Japau, perhaps
brought over from Formosa, have
taken advantage of the small number
of Spaniards and tho weak garrison at
Manilla, have .raised a revolt, un 1, bo
far as cun be learned from the meaner
dispatches, have seriously cu luugorod
the Spanish rule. Troops have boeu
sent from Barcelona, but it will be
soiuo time boforo thoy can rcuuh tUeir
destination. Merchants huvo been
warned against sbippiu i goo Is to tho
l'hilippiui'B, aud a British war Miip re
mains at Mutiillu to protect British
THROUGH PI ELDS OF CORN.
In solemn hush of dewy mom,
What glory crowns the fields of corn!
A joy and gladness In the lnnd
The lithe, green ranks ot beauty stand j
Broad-aored valos from hill to hill
The lifted plume, and t;.ssols fill,
While birds sing tn the eool, sweet morn
Through fields ot oorn.
Like palms that shade a hidden spring
The reeded columns sway and alng
The breathing oensers swing a! way,
The loafy oymbals clash and play,
And when the breosy voloes oall,
Tho Boa-grown billows rise and fall,
And music swells and Jny Is born
Through fields of oorn.
To fluids of oorn tho summer brings
The rustllug blades, thoblaokblrd's wing,
Tho sharded locust's strident tune,
And Idle raven's mooking rune,
Tho bobolink's exulting strain, ;
And ouckoo prophesying rain
In low, sweet whistle In the mora
Through fields of corn.
In bannered fields of oorn unfurled
Go, I grow9 the manna ot the world;
Ho waits to bring the yellow gleam,
The harvest song, the reaper's dream;
And still as through the Syrian gold
Of (lulHee, In days of old.
Uo loads again this Sabbath morn
Through fields of oorn.
Benjamin F. Lopgott.
TWO HEARTS' NEGATIONS.
EI FRANCIS M. LIVINGSTON.
IBYLLA ASHLEY
tat at ber desk
and soanned a let
ter she had just
finished. It was
T&itJ written in a fine,
ueoiaea nana, on
pale gray paper.
J n romanoes
which Sibylla had
read, the compo
sition ot such let
ters was attended with much agony
and littering of the floor with torn
paper. Sibylla had made ono draft,
which it took her five minutes to write.
Sho read it over once and it seemed to
suit her, for she folded and addressed
it, and then oalled, in her low, musi
cal voice, "Letty I"
A young girl appeared at the door
almost instantly. She was tall as Si
bylla, but had not her subcrb figure.
Ono saw nt a glance, however, that
they wero sisters.
"I want Joe, Letty," said Sibylla as
she pressed tho envolope on hor blot
ting pad.
"Joe drove grandfather into town
this morning," repliod the younger
girl.
"Call Absalom then. I want to
send a letter."
"Absalom has a boil on his foot and
can't walk,"
Sibylla made a gesture of impatienoe.
"There is Chrissy," said Letty,
tentatively.
"I won't havo her; she bungles
everything. It is very provoking
that lean find nobody to do so simply
an errand."
Sibylla rose and walked to the win
dow, where she stood looking moodily
out upon a lawn that was better kept
than the lawns of most Virginia conn
try houses. Letty stood in mook
silence as though ha had done her
sister a personal injury.
"Well, send her here ; I suppose
she'll have to do," said Sibylla, after
a moment, in a slightly modified tono.
Letty ran down stairs to do ber sis
ter's biddingwith her usual alacrity.
Sibylla drew tho letter from its onve -lope
and read it a second time.
It ran thus :
"Julien: It simply cannot be. I
do not love you as 1 ought. I have
known this for a locg time, and I
huvo honestly tried to feel differently,
but I cannot. You in not a man
whom a woman should h ive to try to
love. Think well of me it you can,
for I have been honest with you. You
would be excusable for despising me,
perhaps, but you will do nothioif o!
tho kind. You will remain my faith
ful aud respected friend, as I shall
yours. Sibylla Asitley."
The swift, straight dash nnder the
signature was drawn with Sibylla's ao
customed firmness. She peled her
letter, and, looking tip, saw a little
colored girl standing bashfully in the
doorway. The child was barefooted
uud her dingy frock was in tatters,
she held a disreputable old straw hat
by its one s-triup.
A frowu gathered upon Sibyll's
blow.
"You little beggar, have yon no
better ojothos than those? Mercy,
what a messenger!" aud Sibylla burst
out laughing in Bpite of herself.
Chrissy was in dire confusion.
"Deed 1 has, Miss S'bylla; shall J
put 'em on?"
"Yes, do, for heaven's sake try to
muke yourself decent aud clean. 1
waut you to curry a letter for me. If
you Hiicoeed, Mits Lotty will givo you
that little gray garden coat of mine.
You must hurry."
"Oh. Mias S'bylla !" cried tho child,
and in a moment she was stumbling
down the staircase.
In a short time bIio was back again.
Her face nrd hands were clean aud her
tangled kinks had been cotnbeil into
something like order. The torn,
Boiled garment had beou replaced by a
neat piuk frock, uud Sibyll's garden
coat wus clutched tightly between her
tinkers, where it hud been placed by
Letty.
"You're not to wear that coat now,
Chrissy; you'll look too ridiculous.
Aunt Luna will cut it down for you.
Now libtcn to every word I say. You
are to take this li tter to the Exchange
Hotel. It is lor ('upturn Booth, anil
them is no answer. You aro to come
buck immediately, itepeat that after
we."
Chrissy did so without a mistake,
"i'hatis a eiuijdo tiling; if o'i
13
oan't remember it until you got to
town.
" 'Deed I'll do jus' 'zackly as you
say, Miss S'bylla."
After the child had gone Sibylla sat
for a while With her hands clasped
above her bond, The sleeves fulling
back showed her two perfectly mould
ed arms. Then she took a book from
the table, and, opening it, stared at it
absently for a few minutes.
"Come here, Letty," she said, clos
ing the book and holding out a band
toward whore hor sister sat quietly
sewing at the other side of the room.
Sho drew Letty close to her and laid
her head against the younger girl's
arm. "I want you to kiss me," she
murmured.
Letty flushed with pleasure, and
taking tho beautiful bond botween her
bands kissed Sibylla's mouth.
"I am not going to marry Julien,
Lotty. I havo just broken tho en
gagement." Chrissy trotted along the three-mile
stretch of road between the Ashley
homestead and the town, Sibylla's let
ter tucked in ber bosom. Anon she
skipped and laughed at the intoxicat
ing thought of the beautiful gray coat
at home. She drew in great breaths
of the sweet early summer air, and
trumpeted shrilly in imitation of the
elephant sho had seen at the circus.
Her heart was filled with the very joy
of living, and she knew nothing of the
heavy tidings she bore in tbe bosom
of ber pink frcck.
She longed to chase butterflies
through a wood, like that lovely little
girl u tbe story Miss Letty had read
to her. Sho looked to lft and right,
but saw no butterflies. A little way
ahead were two cows grazing by the
roadside. Cows were not butterflos,
but Chrissy must chase something,
and tbe cows were at hand.
"Hi, yi!" she cried shrilly, and ran
down the dusty road, and every few
steps leaping high in the air. "Hoo,
boot" she roared, like a lion. It was
great fun. The placid animals lum
bered heavily along before her, but
not fast enough for Chrissy. She had
taken Sibylla's letter from her bosom
for greater security when she began
to run, and now bold it in her hand.
"Woo, wool it's wild beasts after
you I" she shouted. One big, dun-colored
cow rebelled at a further chase,
and turning out tried to climb the
bank by the road. 'kihoo!" cried
Chrissy, in hot pursuit, waving her
hands.
Tho desperate animal turned and
made. down the bank directly toward
the girl. "Go 'way, go 'way!" she
hcwled, and Sibylla's letter fell to the
roadsido on a ohoice spot of mois
earth, just where, a second letter, a
heavy bovine hoof pressed it into the
mud.
ChriBsy instantly forgot her own ter
ror, and the shriek, ending in a sob of
rage, which she tittered, was more
dreadinspiring than any of her previ
ous imitations of wild animals.
"Oh, you harv'blo beast yo' great
foot on my beau'ful lotterl Look at
it, alLoove'd wi' nasty mud! I can't
nevab, nevah take it like that, an' I
was so happy jes'nowl" Sho burst
into a passion of tears. "What will
I do I might jes' as well run away
from home. I nevah can face Miss
S'bylla."
Sho trndgoJ slowly homeward, still
sobbing miserably and taking a poor
consolation in the thought that "p'raps
Miss S'bylla'd write it over ag'iu
sho wirites so quick 'n so beau'ful."
Semes black clouds were gathering
in the west and there was a muttering
of distant thunder, but Chrissy feared
only Sibylla's frown. She heard a
souud of a horse's hoofs behind her, and
looking around beheld a sight which
made her heart leap for joy. Captain
Julien Booth was riding slowly up tho
road toward the Ashley house.
"Now MifB S'bylla kin tell him he'
Bolf," thought tho ohild, "an' he won't
need the lettah. But she'll ax me fo'
it." sho thought the next instant. "I'd
better run home an' 'less it all; I kin
get there befo' Cap'n Booth if I run
fas'."
Then the prospect of immediately
facing Sibylla with her dread confes
sion overpowered the girl. " 'Tain't
no use, she muttered, as sho dropped
back into a walk ; "I might jes' as well
die."
Captain Julien Booth had risen at
dawn and bad spent the morning rid
ing slowly through country lanes med
itating ou tho step he was about to
take.
"it may bo tho act of a brave man
or of a coward," be had said to himself
a score of times that day.
When in the curly spring he asked
Sibylla Ashley to marry him ho loved
her passionately, or thought he did.
He loved her so no longer, or believed
ho did not. The charm ot her wonder
ful beauty was as potent a ever; but
the liuperiousucss of her manner, the
directness of her speech which had so
fuscinatod him at first, had ended by
making him uneasy. She had been so
accustomed to homage and obedience
from every one, that ho feared she
would exact from him more than he
could give. He had a growing fear
that she was lucking in womanly ten
deruess. Ho hud ended in believing
thut they would be miserable together,
and had made up his mind to tell her
so uud to abide by her decision.
In tho woods that morning be had
gono over all that he would suy. ilo
had prepared for every couseipieuoe of
his determination for her bitter
scorn, for her cool contempt, for bur
superb, disdainful silence and for
but no, thut thought wus dismissed at
ouoe. The man did not live for whom
Sibylla Ashley would abed a tc-.
Then he had laughed u.ou . '.his
rehearsal of a trugody the slaying of
their happy lovo life. Jiooth rebeurs
iug Othello is not ubsurb, but Othello
rehearsing herself !
He would tell ber that ho wus ready
to stand by bis promi o; uud theu lie
tried to imagine uv look in Sibylla
Ashley's eyes when a man told her, in'
effeot, that he did not want her, but
wonld take her if she insisted.
That flash of lightning which almost
blinded him as he reached the Ashley
gate was pale in comparison.
For a momont he thought of riding!
byt He wanted to postpone the in
terview he needed more time for
thought.
Then he threw his bead up and his
shoulders back as he turned bis horse
and rode through the gate.
"It is the act of a brave man or of a
coward ; I shall not make it the act of
a cowaid," he said.
After Sibylla had boon loft alono sho
sat for awhile and wondered how Jul
ion would leceive her letter. Perhaps
he would come out in the evening. Sho
hoped ho would not. Sibylla wanted
to hear no entreaties; she dreaded a
scene. It would be so much bettor if
Julion rould write a sorrowful, manly
bote and accept ber dooision. Thou
they could meet after that as friends.
Of course, he would be unhappy for a
long time ; she expected that. It made
Sibylla herself feel a little sad, now
that it was done. But that would soon
pass.
She wondered how far Chrissy was
on the road, and if Julien would be at
tbe hotel when she arrived. She went
down stairs and walked on the lawn as
far as the gate, where she had so often
parted from him. She saw the rain
clouds gathering and returned to her
room. She tried to read but could
not. She heard the sound of n horse's
hoofs below the' window and looking
out her lips turned pale. Julien was
riding up the drive. He must have
galloped all tho way from the town,
she said, as she hurried from tho win
dow to her mirror.
tfnlicn threw his bridlo to Absalom,
who was hopping about on one foot
before tho door. In the hall he met
Letty, who with scared eyes told him
that Sibylla was at home, and ran up
stairs to warn hor sister.
When Sibylla entered he was at tho
window. She closed the door and
stood looking at him in silenoe. The
color bad not yet returned to her
checks, and Julien, she saw, was very
pale. For a long moment they stood
looking into each other's eyes.
"Will you not give mo your hand,
Sibylla," Julien Btiid at last in a voice
unlike his own.
"Why should I not do so?" she said
kindly, and advancing plaoed her hand
in his.
"Perhaps alter to-day, Sibylla, you
will never give me your hand again,
for the words I have come to say to
you are surely the hardest that man
can speak to woman."
She drew her hand away quickly.
"Do not say them theu," she said
with all her old imperiousness "I
forbid you I" then in an altered
voice : "Julien, I havo been a weak or
a wicked woman, perhaps, but remem
ber I am a proud woman. I know all
that you have to say. Don't reproach
me." He stared hard at where she
stood, looking at him with kindly,
sorrowful eyes ; then sank trembling
npon a chair. She had read what was
in his mind the instant she entered
the room. What a marvelous sym
pathy existed between them I She
was making his task easy, but oh, how
doubly hard I
"How long have you known this,
Sibylla?" he asked after a while.
"How long? How can I measure it
by time?" she said with a louch of im-'
patience. "It was dayp, weeks agoi
that I became consoious of that ioile-i
finable something whioh bad come be-:
tweeu us. I felt that wo were grow
ing farther apart, and I tried to draw
myself nearer yon. Yes, I tried. But
even when I was most allectionate,
even whon you held mo closet, I felt
it most strongly - oh, miserable sham
and pretence; Julien, why do you
make me speak of it?"
".Sibylla, it was not sham and pre
tence it was real while it lasted it
was true."
"Think so if you can ; even truth
has its phases and mutatious I sup
pose." Then she added more gently,
"I want you to believo the best of
mo." :
Captain Booth bout his head and
covered his eyes with his hand. He
attempted to speuk, but only succeeded
in muking a sound like a grouu.
Sibylla rose aud stood bosidu him.
"Julion," she said, "I am not wont to
speak slightingly of myself, but I am
not tho woman to muke you happy.
All my lite I have been humored aud
iudulged. I should bare demanded
much from you and should not huvo
been satisfied with loss" his very
thought. 'Somewhere there is an
other woman who will iniko you a
better wife than I "
"Not that Sibylla think any thing
but that I sweur thero is no jther
woman I"
"Not now; but there will be one
day, of course."
lie was silent a moment. "You do
not dispise me Sibylla?" he asked in a
low voice.
"Despise you despise you, Julien?"
Sho touched his hair soltly. "I houor
and respect you more thin any uiau 1
ever kuew."
Captain Booth raised his head and
gazed at her with adoring eyes. Thou,
as he continued to look upward iuto
her culm, lovely face, bo slid slowly
from bis chair and fell ou his knees
before her. He beut his head, aud
taking the hem of her robe tenderly
aud as though it were a bucred thing,
ho raised it to his lips. Then tie stood
up, took a few steps backward, with
head iuelined, uud was goue.
It was a beautiful, triumphant end
ing to the interview she hud so
dreaded, and it satisfied Sibylla Ashr
ley. As tho door closed behind Julien
sho suddenly realize I that tho ruin
was lulling iu torruuts. Could sho,
utter that imi'Miiticcut exit, call alter
him tn k t uu uuilirollu from the ruck,
but to bo curelul not to take the heavy
black silk ouo because it was Jal
grandfather's, and ho never lent it?
How ridionlous 1
Swiftly she crossod the room and
opened the door. "Jnlion, I cannot
let you go in the rain," she said.
Captaid Booth was at the front
door. He did not truBt himself ta
speak) but waved his band without
turning hia bead. The door closed
behind him, a tremendous clap of
thunder shook the house. Sibylla ran
oacK into toe parlor, threw herself
upon a sofa and burst into tears.
Julion walked rapidly toward the
barn after bis horse. He heard a pat
tor of bare feet and became aware
that a small colored girl was running
boside him trying to hold a big ging
ham umbrella over his head.
"You're never goin' to rido ont in
his rain, Capt'n Booth, "cried Absalom
from the hayloft as Julien entered the
barn door.
The yonng man stood for a long
time staring out at the brilliant green
of the dripping shrubbery, under
neath whioh the ohiokens, ruffled and
sullen were huddled. He looked down
into Chrissy 's swollen face and brim
ming eyes, and wondered vaguely if
she was crying because she was sorry
for him. Then he looked up at the
leadeq, streaming sky and tried to
imagine what bis life was going to bo
like without Sibylla Ashley. , . .
Of what noxious hellebore or night
shade bad he drunk that he fanoied
her lacking in tenderness? this glo
rious, beautiful woman whom he had
just renounced, and whom, he knew
now, be loved with all his soul.
He darted out into the rain again
and strode back to the house. Chrissy
still ran at his side. He pushed tho
front-door open. Tho sound of his
footsteps on the hall floor was drowned
by tho fury of the storm. He heard
Letty's voice, and then Sibylla's. Sho
was sobbing. '
"I sent him away in the rain, Lotty.
. . . Ho behaved so beautifully
so nobly. ... I did not think it
could be so hard."
"Don't cry, door," said Letty. "It
is better so, since you do not love
him."
"But but I do love him. I didn't
know how much till now that I have
lost him forever."
The door opened softly, and Julien
stood within the room. Sibylla wus
lying on the sofa, ber face buried in
the pillows. Lotty stood beside her,
holding her hand. She dropped it
with a start as she saw Julien, who
held up a warning finger.
"Don't go away, Lattyl" sobbed
Sibylla, and then using almost tho
words of Egypt's miserable and de
serted queon, "Don't talk to me just
pity mo I"
She reached out gropingly to take
Letty's haud again. Sweet Lettysiir,
ply faded out of the room, and it wa3
julien's hand that Sibylla clasped.
"Letty, I know ho will ne never
come back I Ho said hirdly a word, but
looked so mi miserable! How tight
von are holding my bin 1 you hurt
ine, Lstty !"
She suddenly sat upright. Julien
was kneeling beside her, his arm was
around her waist. A sob was tremb
ling on her lios. Thero must be an
outlet; a fit of hysterical, undignified
weeping if she pushed him away, and
there was his shoulder waiting for ber
head, so comfortable, so restful a
haven. Bjforo sho realized it, aud by
no volition o! hers, yet with no resist
ftuco, her face was buried there, Ju
lien's cheek pressed a;!iu-.t hor owu,
and his arms held lr-'i' o'oio.
"I could not givo yo i up, my dar
ling," be whispered.
"Aud 1 oannot let you go," she said,
between her sobs.
Tlio storm was passing, nud thoro
were already glimpses of the sua bs
hind the low hanging cloud . Tlio lower
part of tho homo was very still. Mur
niure.l, fragmentary y'ar ise.s of tho
talk of tho two lovers penetrated to
tho hall, where n ridiculous 1 it tl
figure iu a muddy piuk frjjk lingered
near the parlor-door.
"I guess the trouble's 'bout all
over." thought Chrissy.
"It has brought us uearor togotlier,
Julion," sho heard Sibylla say, "an I
I shall always hold this duyblessuJ;
but let us never speuk of it ugaiu."
"Never ugaiu, my Sibylla," Jutiuu's
voico made answer.
"Dis lottuh's no good now," solilo
quized Chrissy, us sho drew tlio soiled
an I crumpled envelope iroin hei
pocket, "it 'u 1 jes' make mo' trouole
if I bund it ovuh, Dey don't waut
dat mattuh talked about no mo', uu' I
ain't goiu' to bring it up. I'll jes' go
an' put do olo lin.,' in do kitchen lire,"
Goodey's Magazine.
Tho Fdiil orScliO'.d t'hil Iron.
It is a lamentable fu:t that too little
attention is giveuto the hyieuio sur
rouudiugs of the pupils iu the schools,
an I by iur too litilo to th a nature of
tho food and the maimer of eutin.
Tho aim often seems to bo to so pr ;
pare tho food thut it will re juiro little
or no mastication before it is swal
lowed, aud when solid food is taken it
is not lullicieutly masticated to prop
erly prepare it for tho digestive
orgaus. Souio years uyo u doctor re
queitod iimuy of his patients to report
as to the number of bites it require 1
to tuustieuto di.lereut foots. lie
especially desired to learu bow much
less children chev.ud the foo 1 before I
swallowing it tUau Ihuir pireuU. lie
got roports from ouo hundred aud
fifty intelligent people, uud learned
that practice in this regard vuries
very lunch, thut children goueruUy
wero entirely too apt to bolt their
food. To encourage tho ha'iit of
I'lu.'u i n q it more thoroughly, Im ba
uilvi.-i- l pave n tl to give tho children
chewiug gum, luu.'h to tho disgust ot
many of the pan-ut. Ilo thought
tho bubit of hwallo.nn ; foo I li-loro it
was j ropcrly masticate l the i-iu e of
iiiHiidicie lit nourishment iu many
Ctt'c;. New York Ledger.
THE MERRY SIDEOFLIFI.
8TORIE3 THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OP THE PRESS.
The Craft Ho Took A Lucid Explana
tionHad Found It Out No Rea
son for Change IJIused, Ktc, Etc.
A maiden stood Upon tti sands
Of Narrasansott I'lor.
II'-r lover held hir by the hands;
Ht papa wasn't near.
'And must you itoV" she criod. "AlacKI
i foar 1 must," ipiotli he.
A - I then he look n llttlo smack
And went awuy to sen.
Washinston Times
A TjTJOTD EXPLANATION.
"Annt Lucy, what is eccentrioity ?"
"It's tho queer things that othor
people do." Chicago Ilocord.
BIASED.
Wheeler "My doctor advises me
to cycle ; but I don't think I will do bo. "
Boll "You don't?"
Wheeler "No. I think he's biased
he's a surgeon." Judge.
KEHUFKED.
Gentleman "My lad, can yo:t di
rect me to the Bank of England?"
Shoeblack (with withering Bcorn)
"Qa on ; do yer fink I should bo do
ing this if I was a bank director?"
World's Comic.
WHAT PREVENTED HEIt.
Doof Mute Lover (speaking through
finger signs) -"Ploase sing for me,
dearest."
Deaf Mute Lovod One (ditto, re
gretfully) "I can't dear; I have a
sore thumb." Judge.
HAD FOUND IT OUT.
She "Did you know that Maud
has a dark room on purpose for pro
posals?" 3
He "Well, rather. I developed a
negative thero raysetl last night."
Comic Home Journal.
EXCEPTIONS.
"Thero were only two dry eyos in
the house."
"How do you know about thos9
two?"
"I happened to know that two men
in the audionoe had a glass eye apiece."
Judge.
NO KEASON I'OII CHANGE.
Stern Parent "You muBt under
stand, sir, that I want my daughter to
have as good a homo after marriage as
she bad before, sir."
Jack Blufflu.Tftou "Well, you'ro
not going to sell out, are you?" Bal
timore News.
ONE WAY.
"They say the minister preachos
sensational sermons in order to di
rectly reach tho most depraved
classes."
"How can that do it?"
"Why, now the reporters havo to
hear him." Life.
, TfIB BEST TUEV COULD DO.
"I found a flshworm iu my hydraut
this morning," said tho wrathtul citi
zen. "Yes," said the official of the water
oompany, "that is the beai we can do
just at present. Wo can't afford to
fnrnish fish all w-j uro able to fur
nish is bait." Iudiauupolis Journal.
THE KULINU PAHSION.
Gus "Jaok, old boy, it breaks mo
oil up to tell you, but tho doctors have
decided against you."
Jack (very sick) "What do they
say?"
Gus "That you've only onechanoe
in a hundred to get well."
Jack (who is nu inveterate bettor)
"Egad ! those uro big o Ida. Go ou
a fifty thut I pull through."
OEomiK all nrniir
Anxious Mother ".My dour, I'm
afraid Georgo is getting iuto bad
company. He is out very lute nearly
every night."
Observing Father "Oil, he's all
right. He goes to see some girl or
othor. Suouldu't wonder if ho'd an
nounce au engagement soon."
"Ho hasn't said a word about any
young lady."
"No; but bo's keepiug company
with ouo all tho same. His right
wrist is full of pin scratches."
WHAT OUR AIlTISr HAS TO 1'l.T IT WITH,
Major Blunderbore (who has just
told our artist a rogulur side-splitter)
"Well, that's a good 'un, ain't it?
Anyhow, it's quite now and original,
for it was said only last night by a
clover little girl I know a niece of
my owu."
Our Artist "Yes; it's a capital
story."
.Major Bluu lerboro "Theu why
didn't you laugh V"
Our Artist "Because I told it to
you myself ouly last wook and you
didn't IuukLi. " Ibiuch.
A HITUKI'INK UISTINCTIoN.
The hyperoritic il muu flung down
his paper iu diigust.
"There it is u;;uin," ho exclaimed.
"Somebody lias ouco uuro in a to nso
of that inexcusable phrase, '.u-icious
bivalve." "
"It is rather old." replied his wife
iu a hympethetio tone.
"I ilou't object to the ago of it,"
was tho petulant answer ; "what uial.es
mo indignant is its iuaccuruoy. The
oyster iu its nut ire state is a bivalve.
But before it is tit for uousiimptiou
somebody has to go at it with u knife
uud a hammer uud pry at least ono of
its nIh-IIm oil. Then it may bo accept
ed us n luscious viuud. But it's u uni
valve then. And so ioiig us it remains
u bivalve 1 dely anybody to digest it
unless he bus u gizzard like au ostrich. "
Wush'U'.'tou Star.
IF I KNEW.
If I knew tho box whorn the smiles are kept
No muttnr how Inriro th" key
Or sir mil the bolt, I would try so hard,
'Toiil 1 open, I know, for m".
Tlien ovnr the land and Hi" n-a, broadcast,
I'd scatter the- "miles to play,
That ths children's 1".':" mlijlit hold them
fat
For many and many a day. f
If 1 knew a bix that was largo enough
To hold all tho fffiwils-I moot,
f would Ilk I to gather thoai, every one,
Fro n nursery, school, and street.
Tnen. folding an 1 holding, I'd pack thorn in,
Aud, turning tlio monster key,
I'd hiro n giant to drop tho box
To tho d -pths of tlio deep, deep seu.
II I'M OH OF THE DAY.
Sho "Am I th9 first woman yoo
everkissod?" He (surprised) "Why,
nol I have a mother." Xorristowu
Herald.
Artist "That man Bacon oflorod
me 812 for that largest p tinting of
mine." Caller-- ,'0h, theu you've)
had it framed?"
Man in tho First Ejsv (at thoator)
"I don't think muoh of that ooiuo
dinn." Mania the Second Row "Nor
I; he didn't rido iu on a bicycle."
Puck.
"You have nothiugto rogrot, broth
er?" tentatively asked tbe minister,
"Nope," said the dying rounder. "I
ain't leaving a cent." Cincinnati En
quirer. Mrs. Graymarc "Do yon remem
ber tho night yon askod mo to marry
you? Tho moon was full." Mr.
Graymaro "So was I." Cincinnati
Enquirer.
"Overcoats aro to bo short and
trousers tight this winter." "Well,
I'm all right; only my trousers will
.be short and my overooat tight."
Buffalo News.
He was reading aloud "Bears, it
is said, have n vicious propensity for
hugging." "Oh," Bho interrupted,
"how I wish you wore a boar!" De
troit Free Press.
Tired Byard "De coastin' part of
bioyclin' is all rite. Yer don't haff
ter work de pedals." Weary Wully
"Yes I but yer haff ter bold on an
Bteer, don't yer?" Judge.
"I Buposo this campaigu requires all
tho oratory of you politicians?" ""It
requires very little oratory; what
bothers ns is the man in the audience
who asks questions." Puck.
She sat ou the beach aud gazed
moditatively at tho rings which
adorned hor fingers. "Know all men
by those presents," she murmured,
"that I am a summer girl." Puck.
Dolly "I told Mr. Nicefellow that
I bet Koggio twenty kisses our boat
would win a race at tlio regatta."
Daisy "Well, wasn't ho shocked?"
Dolly "No. I let him bold tho
stakes." Boston Globe.
"You don't rncau to Bay that that
stingy old maid has given you ten
marks for telliug her forttiue?" "In
deed I dc. I told her sho would meet
with an accident before she was twenty-four
years old." Fiiegende Blaot
ter. "Dennis, did you mail that postal
card I gave you?" "Yis, sor, an' Oi
tuk the liberty, sorr, of puttiu'a two
cint ahtamp ou it, sorr. Ye wrote so
foine au' got so much ou th' ryurd Oi
thought it moight ba overweight,
sorr." Harper's Bazar.
Mrs. Nubbins "My husband is a
perfect brute." Friend "Youamaza
me." Mrs. Nubbins ".Since the baby
began teethiug, nothing would quiet
the little uugel bnf pulling his pupa's
beard, aud yesterday he went and had
his beard shaved off. "Tit-Bits.
Professor "Do you know, madam,
there was a time wheu men wore cor
sets; but they fouu 1 they wore injuri
ous to health, nud ho " Mrs. Wrong
righter "Yes; uud so thoy gave
them to their poor, weak, helpless
wives and daughters." New York
Weekly.
"I am tired to death," declared
Mrs. Mutrouly as she reached homo
from down town the othor evening.
"What's tho matter?" asked her hus
band. "Boeu haviug ba y'a pictures
taken. Thoy havo a way of taking
them instant aueously now, you know."
"ilo.v lone; were you nt it?'1 "l'breo
hours and a half. ' Detroit Freo
l'ress.
Cause of Fuir nu I JIM.
Owing to tho clear s'sy that prevails
within ureas of high proiMir.; the radia
tion of heal from tho ground or the
occuu surfuce uud from the lowest stra
tum of air proceeds more rapidly, and,
as is well known, duriug kuuU periods
mist aud fog uro formed iu tlio lower
Kir. 11a liaiioii proceeds uninterrup
tedly during thu ui.ht time from tho
upper surface of f j.-y nir. and tha
depth of tho layer of lo steadily in
creases, so that oftentimes tho heat of
t io sun, iu tho mid lh of tho day, is
not Hiilliciout o iliss'pato the fog
forme I ut ui.;hi. It h is often boeu
remarked that the 1 .';out at, or ubove,
the maiu top uvea looks th j oje iu of
fo.'. iu general, a d 'li e fo implies
clear sky above it, and by attention to
the movement of nr. as nt pie.-siiro it
becomes pi-iblo tJ pie l:ct I'o on oui
coast.
A ll.v.i'U.c Vi riling tv.p.'r.
Anion ' t.ie l.itj.t th u.;s iu station
try is a wi'itiu pa,i .' wlucU i spe
cially in in ui'a : :i 1 I I' thi preven
tion of tile t-pr a tin ; by letters of
various forms of ::iie :io is. diseases.
Every ono is u ire '. 1 it. iu iwciving.
letters Ir on iliseiae i-ir.e.i"U pla ' ', at
homo or aiiro il, tu--y r 11 n certa u
amount )'. r!s!r. This s it ;o.i, ry is
said to be re II I el't- I en:i 1 .1 41011 proof,
Tho p:l'e.' Is ' rn 10 r. !i i! J with all ti
sept let 1 111. 1 nil d. I. t.-ri.i'is nriiiilsiua
a I In r 01 t.i il 111 e r 'i I 1 I im 1 t.eveu
thou a lew i- i.iii '..t. 1 1 i-uu iviitu
tir touch the l.ti -i.
l