Tne Forest Republican
b pabllshod every WeJnesJay, by
J. E. WENK.
Office In SmearbauRb & Co.'i Building
ELM 8TIIEET, TIONESTA, Tk.
Terras, . J l .00 Per Ycnr,
No subscriptions reealved for a ihorter
period limn throe months.
Corruspondenee solicited from all parti of
Ilia country. No not la will bo taken of
nuouyuious coaiuiunlo illous.
RATES OF ADVERTISING I
One Fqtiare, one inch, one Insertion..! I 00
One rqunre, one inch, one month. ., 8 IK)
One i-'quare. one inrh, three months. . A
One Square, one ineh, one year 10 O1)
Two tsquarws, tne ye-ir l-i1"
Quarter Column, one year 31' on
Half Column, one year..,.. 501m
One Column, one year 1UU W
leaal advertisements ton cents per line
each insertion.
Marriages and de-ith notions gratis.
All hillsforyearlyadvertisements collect!
quarterly 'J ernporary ndverlisoiuenU must
be pal I in ail vanes.
Job work cash on delivery.
ORE
EPUB
VOL. XXIX. NO. 23. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 23, 189G. $1.00 PEll ANNUM.
F
ST
IK
TLICAN.
"Ink suitable for lore lottors" is ad
vertised by a Taris stationer. It fades
in about four weeks.
Tbo Rural New Yorker prints letters
deeming to show tbat tbe odor of sweet
peas is poisonous to oommon houso
flios.
The first of a series of memorial
. tabids was put in position the otber
day. nt tbe public library, Kansas City,
Mo. It was in memory of ITornoo
Uroeley, bat the natuo was spelled
"Greely."
Tho silver coinage of France con
tains only forty per cent, of its fnoo
Tnltio in filvn. Tho Government ro
fuses to accept francs bearing tbo
effigy of Clmrli-8 the Tooth, Lonis
Philippe, and Napoleon tbo Third
without tbo lnnrcl leaf.
Tho question of tho "slopping"
capacity of a bullet, fired from tbo
ritle whioh is now the standard arm of
British infantry, has reached a some
what acute stage. Wherever tbo rifle
has been used against a ravage foe, It
baa proved comparatively ineffective.
Unless tho bullet strikes a vital organ,
it no more stops a wounded man'"
charge than would a popgun.
Eveiy political campaign has its pe
culiar superstitions. These supersti
tions are often powerful agents in
bringing men to the polls and servo to
win votes where logio proves inef
fectual. . When Franklin Tierce en
tered tbo Presidential race some forty
years ago, relatos tho Atlanta Consti
tution, it was discovered that, bis
initiala, "F. P.," woro identical with
those of fourteenth Prosidont. In like
niauner it was also found tbat the let
ters composing bis full name num
bered exactly fourteen. As tho Presi
dent to be cleoted was the fourteenth
in regular succession, this startling
discovery had a most potential effoct
npon tbe campaiu.
If the Japanese are cloaning out the
Chincso in the south of Formosa, it is
because these people are in loague
with tbe savage natives. Tho polioy
of Japan in Korea as well as in For
mosa, has been fair and merciful. In
Korea no slaughter of natives or Chi
note was permitted unless bushwaok
iug occurred ; thon the Japanese were
merciless, as thoy had a right to bo.
In Formosa thoy have carried out the
same polioy, bnt they have mot more
savagery. Thoir lossas have boon
muiuly due to ambuscades of small
forces and stragglers, and to the doad
ly lovers of the island. The Chineso
naturally resent the encroachment of
the Japanese, and it is probable tbat
thoy have adopted tbo guerrilla meth
ods of the bead-hunting savages. In
this case they will be exterminated,
for tbe conquerors have an Oriental
way of wiping out opposition that
is barbarous, bnt very effective.
A vexatious question just now
among cyoliats and propcotive cyclists
is tbe price that a first-class wheel
will briug in 1897, remarks the New
York Sun. Whether one may be bad
then for tho same price or less than it
fetches now, or whether the prioe will
be advanced, no one scorns able to tell
absolutely. The oldest makers of $100
whoels say that it would be disastrous
to thoir business to sell maobines at
the low figure which several younger
manufacturers bavo nauiod, and at tho
name time furnish each customer with
a guarantee. On the other band, it is
said in some quarters that enough
money is mado by many of tbe con
cerns which have out thoir prices to
warrant thoir continuing tho experi
ment next year. It is understood al
so that certain of them have promised
to oner even better wbeels at a
cheaper prioe next year than now,
Experienced wheelmen, seem slow to
believe that the difference in quality
of the component parts of high grade
bicycles is so marked as some of tbe
makers of those machines would have
tbo public believe it is. These riders
say that skilful workmanship is re'
quired in tbe construction of all dura
ble wheels, and if it is true that some
of tbe bigh-grado wheel makers em
ploy more skilful workmen than
others, tbe fact id often indiscerniblo
both in their wheels' appearance and
use. Whether tho wooden bicycles
which are promised for next year will
materially affect the wheel trade, re
mains to bo seen. Their advocates say
that the wheels will have mauy ad
vantages ovor those with metal frames.
Nobody was surprised when wbeels of
disputed quality were sold at a low
price, but now that those of a stand
urJ make oau be bought for half price,
everybody is set to thinking. When
the btock of wbeels now selling so
cheaply is exhausted, cyclists wonder
what move the dealers will make thou.
Poisons who will want wheeli next
year are probably safe if they wait till
then before buying.
THE TRYST.
At ulghl Ijenenlh Ihe silver stars,
Tho gleaming stars, the dr. mining stars,
She waits beside tho pasture liars
Till down tlie path I pass, O;
And all the whispers of tho airs,
Tho shifting airs, the drifting airs.
Are freighted with tho angels' prayers
To guard my little lass, 0.
Her eyes are like a summer sea,
A heaving 8"n, a grlovlng sua,
And, ah, thnlr llifht Ib all for me,
And all for mo her love, O:
As waiting there amid tho gloom,
The dnrkcnluggloom. tho hearkening gloom,
8hn bronttis the evening's faint purfumo
That broods tho fluids above, O.
Oh, Margery, my 1 tile lovn,
My nearest lovn, my dearest lovo,
Boft-eyod and gentlo as a dove,
Aeross Ihe fields sho trips, O;
And, ah, the n'l-enthralling charm,
The. captured eharm, the raptured charm,
To feel her hand npon my arm
And touch her dewy Hps, O.
Reside the burs with shlulug eyes.
With youthful eyes, with truthful eyes,
Tho listening vnstness of the skies
Bonds low to soo us meet, Oj
nil up tho lane she goes from me,
Sho starts from me, sho parts from mo,
And all tho grasses bow to seo
And kiss her passing foot, O.
Guy Wetinoro Carryl, In Truth.
ZULCIk'A'S W001NU.
A! ENGLISH COLONEta STORY.
T is a good few
yohrrtego Ti1lCfi.one
April louuu me
quartered at Pesba
wur, in India. Out
on the frontier, as
most of yon know,
our extreme out
posts aro Michni,
Abazai and Shub
kudr, three as
dreary spots ns a
man could ever hope to soe. They
have not, as I daro say you know, a
einglo redeeming featuro, being soli
tary mud buildings which bold tbe
polioo aud nativo troops who are sup
posed to overawe tho tribesmen, and
which, except the commandant and
the doctor, don't offer many attrac
tions in tho way of society. Yon
know what frontier servioo in the old
days was liko. Forays by tbe trades
men, and punitive expeditions by the
Sirkar, carriod to suoh an extent that
we almost realized the idea of
"Brauksomo Tower," iu the "Lay of
tho Last Minstrel," aud "drank the
red wine through the holmct barred."
You know the sort of lifo rows
with tho tribesmen eternally spring
ing np and dying dowu again in indi
vidual localities, while as a matter of
fact tbero was always trouble at one or
tnoro pluceB alonir tho frontier.
At the time I am speaking of, the
post of commaudaut of tho frontier
forts was not in much quest I don't
know that the authorities nt Simla
were much troubled by cagor appli
cauts ; in faot I think the general at
Peshawur usually detailed some un
lucky major from tho Staff Corps and
sent him nolens volens to bold the
fort as long as be could with decency
bo mado to stay. There was trouble
brewing that April, aud in Peshawur
wo all knew it. How it come about
wo none of us cared much, but tbe
maa beforo tho then incumbent bad
gone homo sick, and the comtnandaut
pro torn, was reported to bo in daily
four of bis life.
Well, unpleasant as it was, it was
soarcoly a surprise, when, ono morn
ing tho assistant adjutant ; general
rode up to my bungalow in groat ex
citement, and told mo I was to out at
once and assume command of tbe
forts.
"You're to lose no time," he said.
"Poor Ho-aud-tio" (mentioning the
late commaudaut) "was shot last
night by some scoundrel, aud the
general wants you to try and find out
who did it. Tho police are making
inquiries, but you kuow what that
meaus. 13y the way, he wants to see
you before you go."
A soldier never has much time to
make his arrangements, nnd that very
evening I rodo out to tho forts,having
rccoive I a long lecture from the gen
eral on that confounded word "tact"
whioh, as wo find iu tbo service, is
always ou everybody's lips, aud not
understood by ono man iu a hundred
who uses it.
Woll, I must get on with my story,
or v,o shall be iu the Thames beforo I
come to tho point of it. I never
thought much about tact, but I al
ways belioved that a well-born native
is as much a geut'otuau as an Encdish
duke, and will behave to you just as
you treat him. I soon discovered my
uufortuuato predecessor bad tried to
ride rough-shod over tho tribesmen,
and had made bis baud felt in every
corner of bis command. A Pathau is
as veugelul as a Coruicau of good fam
ily, aud will carry his feuds as far as
a self-respeoting American desperado.
There are always retdy with kuife or
ride to exact vengeance from any
enemy, and near Peshawur will often
murder the wrong man, if thoy can t
tind the right. An Englishman who is
accustomed to living iu a law-abiding
country is no match for them, aud so
my predecessor fouud to bis cost.
They shot him as bo was smoking bis
pipe after diuuer oue night, ou bis
owu veruuda iu view of the guard. Of
course I never fouud his murderer
I never expected 1 should but I did
Hud that my own system of treatmeut
paid better thau his, uud before very
long I had, as tho politicians would
have expressed it, "established excel
lent relations with tho surrounding
tribes inou.
There was a veiy simplo way of
testing this. A few hundred yards
from the gate of the fort a former
commaudaut bad mado for Limi-elf a
garden, bunk a well, aud planted trees.
Here moot of tho vegetables used by
tbo garrison woro grown. The Path-
ana broke dowu the walls, cnt Me
water courses nnd stole the vegetables.
Bnt I darted a different system; I
was civil to tbo neighboring Kahns
aud scut thorn baskets of vegetables,
nnd beforo very long I found my pro
dnoe grew in plenty, and more, on
the fine summer evenings, after the
heat of the dny, when I went acrosn to
tho garden nnd sat under the trees and
smoked my pipe, one or other of
tho Khans would drop in for a chat,
and iu a short time I reckoned many
friends among tbo supposed irreclaim
able blackguards who owned the fron
tier villages.
Among thorn all there was none
with whom I got on better than a
grand old follow named Mahomed
Aslim Khan, chief of a village near
tho fort. Ho was a thorough gentle
man, bad served in his younger days
nnder tbo Sikh generals, aud was as
proud of his home and his scars as
any honorable, man need be. Many
wero tho pleasant evenings wo spent
together, for, as I have said, European
society was limited, and a lino old fel
low like that a perfect godsend to a
lonoly man.
Well, for a time all went merry as a
marriago bell, till one unlucky day a
oaso arose regarding a theft of cattle
from old Aslim Khau's village. The
thiof was caught red-handod and tried
by a native magistrate, and condemned
chiefly on tne Jthon s evidence. Af
ter tho trial, I met tbe old gentleman
(usually and exchanged a few sentences
with him. Not live minutes later I
heard a shot. Alarmed by the cries, I
ran in tbe dirootion, and to my bor
ror found my old friend weltering in
I his olooih- iafl'diry-Aoqn showed tbat
tho assassin was the thief '6oullomIiC;l
that day. lie had oscapod from cus
tody, armed hitnsolf somehow, and
before finally taking himself off had
shot his acouscr.
We always kept a portion of the
cavalry escort in realiuess for emer
gencies, and in less time than it takos
me to toll you, tho assassin was being
followed by a mounted party. My
horse was soon saddled, and I, too,
tried to follow, but unsuccessfully, as
they were too far ahoad, and I had to
sit at home and wait for news.
It was late in the afternoon when
my soarch party returned, unsuccess
ful. They had ridden after tbe mar
dorer, and, being slightly better
mounted, wore rapidly gaining on
him, when the way was barred by a
broad, broken nullah, beyond which
lay a village. Ihe assassin know the
ground, his pursuers did not. Tho
advantage enabled him to got olean
across tbo nullah, while the cavalry
wero lookiug for a road for tboir
horses. He rodo boldly into the vil
lage, from which, unluckily, all the
men happened to bo absont, and find
ing an elderly woman munching a
ohupatti, snatched it from her hand,
ate a portion, and proclaimed that he
had oaton of their salt, and claimed
Bnnotuary. You kuow tho Pat bans.
liv the time my party got across tbo
nullah ho was securely hidden, and
while thoy were haggling, a
second search party arrived from
Miohui nnder commaud of a Euro
pean officer. Had tbe natives been
left to themselves they would prob
ably have scoured their man,
but tbe officer, in wholesome
dread of the authorities' orders re
garding frontier complications, said
be must withdraw, as thoy were out
of British territory, and sent both
parties home. Personally, I think I
should have riskod a wigging, as the
Pathans were little like to object to
the capture of a British subject who
had murdered one of themsolvos. But
my subaltern ruled differoutly.
Of course we were disappointed,
but one or two Khans who were with
me bade mo be of good cheer ; the
murderer would bo caught. I said I
hoped 60.
Next day a fine young Pathan, who
was a sowar in tho cavalry detaohmcnt
at the fort, came to mo and asked for
long leave to visit his home. 1 granted
it without hesitation, but tbat nigbt,as
I rode past the spot near my garden
where his relatives had buried the
body of poor Mahomed Aslim Khan,
1 saw that a lamp was burning on the
new-made grave, and llowers were
strewn upon it ; and happening to
meet ono of tho Khans, I was told that
where public punishment had failed,
private vengeance would step iu. The
young sowar, Afsul by name, bad
taken up the vendetta, and Aslim's
murder would assuredly bo avenged.
It was six weeks later when, one
evening, my servant brought me news
that Afsul, the sowar, would like to be
admitted to my august presence. I
readily granted tho permission, aud in
he oaino. He was a great swell. His
tlowing, whito garments were new and
spotless, his hair carefully dressed,
aud his face clean shaved, except his
mustache. 1 asked him what brought
him to tee mo, and a smile ef pride
lit up bis face as he replied, withmuny
curses ou the deal scoundrel,
that Asliin't murderer bal met his
deserts, and that he himself had slain
bim. Shocked as I was, I asked for
particulars. Ho told me how with in
finite patience he had tracked the as
sassin from village to village as he fled
from the veugcauoe which was, be
knew full well, sure to follow. How
he bad assumed disguise, and traveled
hard, oftou hungry and thiroty,
through tho valleys, till at last, oue
evening at sunset be bad overtukou
his eueuiv. Ho had found him in a
quiet spot kuoeling, with his face to
ward Mecca, bosido tho shrino of some
forgotten saint, goiug punctiliously
through those devotions which no
pious Mussulman, however blood
stained bis hands may be, ever
neglects. He described how ho stood
watching him paying his last devo
tions ou earth, his owu linger ou the
trigger of his oarbino, aud how, as he
Muishcd bis devotions, he rose aud
folded up the shawl bo had used as a
carpet, this was A fours opportunity.
Calling upon the aaoasaiu to turn, ho
oovcrod bim wlth'the corbino, and ro
viling him in all the expressive torms
of 1'atban nl)U"0, bo tben and there, as
tbe sun disappeared in the west, shot
his enemy liko a dog.
You know bow bard it often is to fit
our English notions of justice on to
native customs. Personally, I should
have liked to lot tbe boy, for be was
little more, go scot free. Bnt tho
commaudant . of the frontior forts
dared not do so, and to Afsul's sur
prise I ordered him into custody. I
did bo with great regret. After he
was securely looked np I sent for the
Tehsildar and asked if ho was safe.
I think tho man gucssol my anxiety,
for he said grnvoly, as an Oriontal
will, even when he is making a joke:
"Sahib, that young man is as safo
as we can make him, but our prison is
a very bad one. Men escape."
"But Afsul won't?" I asked, eag
erly. "These things, my lord," he an
swered, "are in the hands of Provi
dence Wo mnst wait nnd sen."
Next morning tbe Tebsildar was
early nt my bouse. As be
spoko I could not help thinking
that the suspicion of a smile was lin
gering round his fat face.
"My lord," he said, joining his
hands and bowing to tbe ground, "a
miracle has bapuenod. In tbe night
that young man broke bis bonds and
escaped. I fear we shall not see bim
again."
I need not tell you how I held an in
quiry and censured all concerned. I
do not think thoy minded much. None
of them seemed to think I was in earn
est. However, there was no help for
it Afsul had vanished.
That night I rode away toward old
Aslim Khan's village. As I approaohed
it I heard s'ounuVT?f - merriment, uud
presently there issued from the viii'ay?
a gay procession. First came a group
of horsemen all gayly attired, and pre
ceded by drums and horns among
them was one I thought I knew then
followed a closed litter, and thon a lot
of men driving buffaloes and carrying
distaffs, cooking-pots, and a large na
tive bed, painted in gaudy colors. Ae
they saw me the musicians beat louder
than ever, and 1 thought the horseman
waved his hand. I determined to in
quire. An old graybeard volunteered
information.
"Your lordship," he said, "prob
ably knew the late Mahomed Aslim
Khnn, who is now with the prophet in
Paradise. Ho had a lovely daughter,
Zuleika, who loved a youug man, Af
sul by name. Tho chief did not favor
the match, for ho was rioh and tbo
young man was poor. Woll, the chief
was slain, aud Afsul undertook to
avengo him. Now the beautiful Zu
leika is his by conquest. Yonder Af
sul rides, this is his bride, these are
the marriage gifts. They aro going
Afsul's home in a distant village."
I turued my horse's head homo
more or less contented, though I pon
dered, too, over the strangeness of
frontier customs.
That was the only excitomont whilo
I was commandant. Well, lads, that's
my yarn. Muko tho best of it. If
we don't turn in, it will be daylight be
foro wo get to bod. Good-night.
Frank Leslie's Popular Monthly.
A Crack Shot.
"Out our way we are apt to think
that an Eastern man cannot .shoot a
pistol," said II. T. Jenkinson, of
Cheyenne, at tho Metropolitan, "but
I had one experience at Laramie that
oonoiooed mo this idea is incorrect.
A finely dressed young man stepped
mto a saloon to get a drink, where a
lot of cowboys were having a good
time. The sight of the Hcndorfoot'
was the signal fcr some fun, and half-
a-dozen pistols were drawn just to
scare tho mau from tho States. Tho
stranger wore a silk hat, and the cry
went up, 'shoot tbo tilo. The roan
turned with his glass at his lips and
without a tremor drew a pistol from
his coat pocket. By the time tbo
drink was swallowed six pistols lay on
thelloor; bo had shot everyone of
them out of thoir owners' bauds. They
crowded around him, and tho tender
foot was not allowed to pay for any
thing that night." Washington Star.
Horned Toads Are Useful.
"The ugliest and yet most useful
things in California are horned toads,"
said A. L. Mason, ot Los Angeles, ut
tho Sboreham. "They aro by no
means pleasant to look at, aud the In
dians formerly held thein iu sacred
veneration. The people of California
do not regard them very highly, and
thoy ara killed wheuever found by
mauy who imagine that they are ven
omous, whioh is not tho case. The
Hawaiian?, however, know their value,
aud President Dole has written to dif
ferent sectiousof California tourrunge
for having several thousaud sent to
Hawaii for the purpose of destroying
certain insects. Careful investigation
has shown that they are exceodiuly
valuable for this purpose, aud there is
now a good deal of talk ubout preserv
ing them more carefully in Calif orni i. "
Washington Star.
Kew Use lor tilnss.
Somebody has been cxporimeutiug,
and finds that glass is a substitute for
marble aud grauita iu cemetery work.
Olasi gravestoues are inexpensive, ex
tremely dnrublo uud almost without
Borions objection of any kiu 1. They
are not porous, therefore will absorb
uo disease germs or uuploasnut odors.
Tho elements have practically no ef
fect ou them, aud it is said that iu
seriptious pluoed ou them will be
everlastingly enduring, and after a
couple of centuries will be us fresh
aud bright as on the day they were
set up. This idea was developed by
watehiug tbe wear of tho glass iu tba
port boles of steuuicrs. This resists
the heaviest shocks o( the wuvea, aud
is more durable thau any other kuowu
substance that can bo used for this
purpose.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
3T0RITS3 THAT ARK TOLD BT THD
FUNNY MEN OP THE PRE33,
Womnn'i Variability A Hrlnht Wo
manThe Summer Art School
A Serious One Proud, Etc.
Time works a strnnco distraction
Iu the object of her aeal;
Sim's forgot to want the ballot
Blnce sho lenruod to ride the wheel.
Washington Star.
MORS GOLDEN THAN SILENCE.
Jawkins "Why do you applaud
that rot?"
Hogg "Hang it, if you wonld do
the same it would help us not to hear
it." Truth.
history's iteiiation.
Maud Askit "Whioh one of thorn
did you say you hated?"
Grace Cariot "Shi they'll hear
you ; I'll kins tho one I mean on both
shoeks." Puck.
a nnionT woman.
Miss Gowanus "I onvy the way
rou can talk to Mr. Caustique; bo
aever sits on any of yonr romarks."
Miss Gotham "No; I make thorn
too pointed." Judge.
A WISE PRECAUTION.
"Largo cars aro a sign of generos
ity," observed the philosopher.
"That's true; bnt thon most men
irith largo ears aro sensitive about it,
nd try to oonoeal them." Harper's
Bazar.
A SERIOUS ONE.
Citizen (offering bonds) "I own a
li i -story fiat bouse in Harlem."
" iI??itrato "That s all right. Any
'nonmbranCf
Citi.en " Well, tuore 5 tbo.jonitor.
-Puck.
ME SUMMER ART SCHOOL.
"This is very good, JlissBagley, but
you want to bring your background
out a little more strongly. "
"I know, Mr. Crane ; but don't you
think the frame will do that?" Har
per's Bazar.
impressed wrrn the fact.
"Johnnie 1" said Mr. Chaflle to tbat
hopeful youth, "I did not know until
to-day that you were whipped at
ichoo! last week."
"Didn't yon know it, pa? I knew
it all tho timo." Texas Siltor.
rnouD.
"I owe no man a cent," said ho
proudly. They gazod on him with
wondering admiration.
"No man ou earth. The ouly per
sous I owe are my landlady and my
washerwoman." Cincinnati Encpairer.
NOTHING V1SAN ABOUT HER.
Mabel "Emily steams bor hus
baud's letters opsn every chance she
gets."
Maude "Oh, well, she isn't mean
ibout it. She seals thom up
again and never blows him up."
Truth.
rnoop OP ABILITY.
"Young Jones is a pretty bright
fellow."
"Didn't he dolivor tbe valedictory
at his college commencement a couple
of weeks ago?"
"Yes; and he's begun to revise his
opinions already."
ON THE TRAIN.
Rural Passenger "Young man, I'd
like to get your views ou tho crime of
Soventy-tbreo."
Cholly "Aw woally aw !
there's so much cwiminal news in the
papers I aw didn't notice any
thing about it, donohorknow 1"
NATURALLY.
Teaobor "Tommy, when was Roma
built?"
Tommy "In the night."
Teacher "How came you to inako
such a mistake?"
Tommy "You said yesterday Rome
wasn't built in a day." Brooklyn
Lifo.
SOLDIERS TOO COMMON.
Mother "Ella, you have beon play
ing all the afternoon with these toy
soldiers. That's not a proper amuse
ment for a big girl liko you."
Daughter "But, mamma, I am not
playing with the soldiers. I pioked
out the officers and played with them."
Texas Sifter.
KNOW1NO.
Blobbs "What nonsense it is for
newspapers in their accounts of wed
dings to describe tbe brides being led
to the altar,"
Slobbs "How so?"
Blobbs "Why most of the girls
could find their way in tho dark."
Pearson's Weekly.
SOUND Bl'SINKSH POLICY.
Mrs. Walker "I don't see why tbo
doctors all recommend bicycle riding.
If it makes people heulthier, it is u
Iokh to the dc.ctore."
Mr. Wulker "I kuow; but they
figure that oue sound, healthy rider
will disable at least tivo pedestrians
per week." Puck.
CONSOLINd TO THE PATIENT.
"Mouruiug goods, please," the said
to tho fioorwalker at Suuger's em
porium. "Yes, madume ; this way, if yon
will," and theu udding, feelingly,
"death u a sad thing, madamo."
"It is, indeed 1" the respuudod. "I'll
not muke any purchases this morning.
I ouly wanted to see the latest things
you hare iu tho mouruiug line; my
buubaud is a very sick man." Tuxas
Sifter.
Sl'IEXlinC AMI IXUISTRUI..
London will soon substitute electri
city for steam in its underground rail
ways. Electrio coal mining machinery is
Icing rapidly introduced in Western
ro nnsylvania.
The non-tidal part of the Thames is
138 mflcs in length and drains an area
of C000 square miles.
Seventy-two races inhabit tho world
and nso 3001 different tonguos. Tbero
ere about 1000 religion?.
Tho British admiralty is about to
take np tho work of training carrier
pigeons for conveying messages at sea.
The annual number of births is esti
mated at 3fi,792,000 an nverago num
ber of 100,800 a day, 4200 an hour
and seventy a minute.
Tho Thames scoops out of its Vrnnk
about 500,000 tons of matter in a year.
Tho Mississippi is doing similar work,
but at the rate of 300,000,000 tous a
year.
According to tho most careful com
putation, only one person iu 100,009
of both sexes attain tho ago of 100
years, and six to seven in 100 the ago
of sixty.
The total population of tho earth is
estimated at about 1,200,000,000 souls,
of whom 35,214,000 die annually an
average of 98,813 a day, 4020 an hour
and sixty-seven a minute.
There aro nbcut 100 grains of iron
in tho avorago hutnau body, and yet
so important is this exceedingly small
quantity that its diminution is attend
ed with very sorious results.
The number of men and women is
very noarly equal, tho average long
evity of both soxes being only thirty
eight years. About one-third of tho
population dies before tho ago of
seventeen.
The Roentgen rays burn the skin
liko sunlight is tbe latest information
from Berlin about tho phenomenon.
Profosors Grumbach and Dubois Ray
mond Lave succooded in rendering
visible soma-of tho softer parts of the
body, liko the larjM. oud the dia
phragm, by means of improved tubes.
Professor J. E. Todd, State Godo:
gist of South Dakota, who is in chargo
of a geological surveying expedition
party in the Black Hill, discovered an
old volcano on Sand Crock, in tho Bad
Lands, near Formosa. Near tbe jura
tion of Sand Crook and White River is
a hill eighty feet high. This bill vi
bratos aud groans with constancy. Its
tremblings have upset wagous and the
Indians are muoh in fear of it.
The Tables Turned.
Alphonse Karr, tho well-known
French humorist, told tbo following
otory in a circle of frionds, vouchiug
for its truth: Ho owned au estato iu
the southern part of Franco, nnd oue
of his neighbors was au elderly Italian
Count, whoso library was exceedingly
well stocked uud was considered a
sight well worth seeing in that locality.
Ono day the witty author of "Les
Guopos," who had not yet met his
neighbor, Bent a servant with a card
to him, requesting the loan of u cer
tain book. ' The Count replied iu a
very polite note that ho was extremely
sorry that he could not obligo Mr.
Karr, but that it was with bim a mat
ter of principle never to loan any
books for uso outside of his own
library. At tho same timo he invited
bis neighbor to come to bis bouse ut
any time, aud his library would be at
Mr. Karr's disposal all day. Karr,
who was anxious to obtain certain in
formation, went to the Couut's house
aud mado notes from the particular
book in the Count's library that ho
wanted.
A short timo afterward tbo Conut
noedod a sprinkler, aud sent to bis
literary neighbor, asking for tho loan
of one. Karr, who had not forgotten
tho way his request for a book had
been answered, now sent to the Count
an extremely polite note, couched iu
the following terms : "I deeply re
gret the impossibility of obligmg you
by the loan of a sprinkler, but as a
matter of principle I could not pos
sibly allow my spriuklor to be used
outside of my garden ; but if you de
sire to uso it on my owu lawn I shall
gladly placo the sprinkler at your dis
posal all day." Philadelphia llooord.
A Town's 0uecr Name.
"I think tho numo of my town is
ono of the must euphonious I ever
beard," said A. L. Harding, of Yauda
liu, 111., at tho Regout. "it wus for
merly tho State capital, and Abraham
Liuooln was, at ouo time, a frequent
visitor. It has many of tho best fam
ilies in Illinois as residents, but it is a
railroad center, uud there bavo been
cases of trouble among tbo railroad
men tbat bud given it ralher a hard
name, which reminds oue of how it
came to get a name ut all. Tho owner
of tho laud beforo tho place was
laid outdid not possess much learn
ing, but wauted to appear classical.
Hence, when he concluded to start a
town he went to a friend uud asked
him to suggest a name of some famous
people or city of ancient times. Tbo
friend was a wag, and replied, 'Well,
the vandals who helped oouquer Rome
were a noted people. Name it Yau
duliu, which menus the homo of the
Vandals.' Hence, Vandalia it bo
came." Washington Star.
Canaries From tici'iiiuur.
Harper's Rouud Table, upcakiug of
tho trade carried ou by llermauy iu
thereariug uud exporting of canaries,
says tbat the largest establishment in
tbo world for tbo brooding of these
creatures is situated within tbtl
domains of that Empire, away uLj
umoug tbo Hurl. Mouutuius of Prussia.
From this uud tbo lew surrouudiu
but luilub smaller uur.-eries, no feivel
than 1-10,1)00 birds uro despatched
every year to tho Cuitod Status anj
C'auada; while iu the same time ul
leant UOtll) go to (heat till lulu UUO
about 2000 go to Russia,
ROSE FANCIES.
I know a garden full of roses
In a hollow, by the soa j
Whore tho soft west wind reposes
And the murmur of tho bee
Lulls one to a dre.imy sweetness
Full of fauoies, vague and free.
And the fnney that possesses
All my heart, this summer hour,
Is tin. ono fair presence blesses
Every loaf and bud nnd flower,
Olvlng life In Its completeness .
To this hnppy hidden bower.
If I seek her, will she vanish
As a star that fades at dawn,
As a ml! that sunbeams banish
As a dream that dioa with morn?
Bhould I win her by my llootness?
Should I wait ana sigh forlorn?
Patience! Lovo must lenrn discreetness.
Tneru's no roso without a thorn!
rail Mall Magazine,
HUMOR OK THE DAY.
It is a pity the weather department
can't bo arrested for scorching.
Chicago Dispatch.
"That was a bad runaway you had
tho other night, Mrs. Dash." "Yes, but
it was very stylish ; wo had four
horses." Chicago Record.
Th Landlady "I boarded a car nt
Fourteenth Btreot nn' " Mr.
Uungorford "And I suppose tbero
was lots of room inside." Judgo.
The mna who thinks that women havo
No lively gift of wit.
Has never asked a girl to wed,
Aud hoard her auswer "nit."
Indianapolis Journal.
Customer "I want a book on Timo
and Eternity.' " New Clerk (nnao
quainted with titles) "Sorry, madam,
but our terms aro strictly cash."
Judge
Johnny "Pa, what is tho differ
ence between a tonsorial arsist and a
barber?" Mr. Wigglos "Tho tonso
rial artist uses longer words." Som
crvillo Journal.
Blodds "Hero's a rathor clover
little book: 'Don'ts for Club Men.'"
Slobbs "It isn't tho don'ts that .
worry me; it's tho dues." Philu
delphin Reoord.
She "Yes, they are ongagod. I
koow'sho refused him twico, but tho
third time ho proposed sho accepted
him." Her IIusb;;n.!T7"oervos mm
right." Amusiug Journal.' -.
Laura "Is it n fact that you'S en
gagement with Willie is broken oft?7""
Flora "Why, no; not broken off,
exactly. It sort of tapered off, one
might say." Indianapolis Journal.
"Why do you sign your name J.
John B. B. B. Bronson?" asked Haw
kins. "Because it is my name," said
Bronson. "I was christonod by a
minister who stuttered." The Water
bury. Waiter (atolubrostanront) "Ready
with your order, sab?" City Sports
man (back from a weok's tlshiug)
"liivo me somo fish; I'm tired to
death of other things." Now York
Weekly.
"But I nm so unworthy, darling,"
he murmured nsho bold the dear girl's
baud in his. "Oh, Harry," sho sighod,
"if you and papa agreed on every other
point as you do ou that how happy we
could be'!" Tit-Bits.
"Do you understand," askod tho
Subbuth-school teacher, "what is
meant when wo say that timo shall bo
no more?" "Ycs'm," answerod Tom
my. "It means when the clock stopj."
Indianapolis Journal.
"Well," said tho spberomauino
boarder, "I seo tbat Watty has lately
hired a now pitcher by tbo name of
Wiener." "So," said the Cheerful
Idiot. "I suppose wo may boou pre
pare for the wurst," Indianapolis
Journal.
Customer "Why do you always re
late those horrid robber stories aud
other uncanny adventures when you
are outting one's hair?" Hairdresser
"Because they niako people's hair
stand ou cud, and it is thus much
easier to cut."
First Auciont Maiden "I havo of
ten thought that, suppose when a
dentist ijivos you gas, ho should kiss
you. Wouldn't it bo horrible?" Sec
ond Anoiout Maiden--"Horrible is no
numo for it. Why you wouldn't know
anything about it !" Puck,
"You uro charged,", said tho Judge,
"with riding your bicycle through
tho streets at a rato exceeding teu
miles an hour." "Ten miles?" suid
tho man, whose new wheel had run
away with bim, "ten miles? I'll bet 1
was going 300." Indianapolis Jour
nal. "This X ray is doing wonders for
mankind." "Yes," bis wife replied.
"It baa douo lots for mankind. Maybo
it'll bo developed iu tho. oourso of
time to where it will enable woinuu
kiud to seo whether her hat is on
straight or not without looking in tho
glass." Wushingtoh Star.
I'resU Hater Pearls,
"Tho busiuess of tttidiug freshwater
pearls is not altogether what it has
boou represented iu tho newspapers,"
Said J. C. Adams, of Kuoxville, Teuu.,
ut tho Shorcbuiu. "I'ho existence of
pearls along tho Clinch aud Holston
Rivers has uUuys beeu kuowu, but it
has only beeu withiu tho past two or
three years that it was supposed they
wero o' utiy vuluc. Tho timt iutiuia
liou that they wero marketable ouino
in au article describing similar pearls
fouud iu the Miami River iu Ohio.
Thou pearl tlshiug took a sudden
boom, uud everybody seemed to think
they would get rich. For a timo pearls
were brought into Kuoxville iu largo
quantities, but the prices wero not so
large as was expectod. Still tho busi
ness was profitable enough to iuduco
tboso without steady employment to
devote their timo to it. Now, tbosu
easily obtaiued uro ulmost ull gone. It
would not pay to go to much expense
guttiug, so the pearl boom is rapidly
dying out. " Washington Star.