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EPU
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VOL. XXIX. NO. 11. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 22, 1890. S1.00 PER ANNUM.
est
' I r
Tho Circuit Court of Grand Bnpids,
Mich., 1ms rulc.l that a bicyolo is per
sonal property, and not subject to ex
ecution. ' ' ". i
Herbert Spencer, llio English phil
osopher, in opposed io tbo furlhcr
nprend of Ibo metric nystc.ro.. Ho bolda
tbnt n belter pystcm would bo ono
based on tbo nttmbcr twelve '
Fivo huudrcd tons of light ttccl
rails wero recently scut from a Mil
waukee (Win.) ttccl works to Japna by
way of Buffalo nnd New York. Brit
ish oxpcits soy Iheir pull with Japan
is lessening.
Tbo Lntiu Nations of Europa tho
old blood nro being crowded con
stantly closer to tbo wnlljof extinction,
declares tbo Chicago TimeB-IIernld.
What with tbo ruiuouti noccssity for
maintaining ouorinous war equipments
uud tbo steadily declining fertility of
toil and people, tbolr prospect Is most
gloomy. Tho Busslau btur is rising on
two continent.
Goveruo. Bushuoll, of Ohio, Las
received a letter from Professor E. D.
Cope, of tbo Department of Compara
tive Auntomy m tho University of
Foumylvuniii, nnd Prcsldout of tho
Society for tbo Adyancoment of
Science, in which bo deprecates tbo
fuct tbut Ohio is soon to adopt tho
eleetrio method of cxooutlug tbo death
Buutcueo, which bo says is s fad nnd
a borbariBiu. Tho effect of tbo electric
iibock in, ho says, unocrtaiu nnd but
littlo uuderttooj. In many cases por
nous bnvo suffered severer shocks than
tiro iidmiuistered under tbo Now York
law and bavo recovered. Tho profes
sor iutimateo that ho thinks tbo per
sons who offered to rcsuscitato any o'
tho persons cxeoutcd in Auburn could
do it, and would if allowed. Ho says
there is no doubt in his mind that
uoverul of tho person electrocuted
buvo really died from tho rooult of tho
post-inortoin examination.
Tho Detroit Frco Fross philoso
phizes about tho death of Austin Cor
bin as follows: A grand estato com
prising 40,000 acres in tbo scenio
regions of tbo old Granito State. A
splendid manor affording a luxurioua
yet restful rotroat for city-wcary mind
nnd body. A rotinuo of servant?,
footmen nnd gamekeepers. Great
utublos nnd noblo stocds, and miles
and miles of riding in magnificent
cquipugo iu tho shade of forost troos.
Animals tamo and wild roam ovor tho
vatt preserve four-footed pets from
runny diirercut clinics. This immense
acreage, this extoubivo privato park,
and sometimes homo of an owner with
thrco others quito as pretentious iu a
different way to go to, und thus dis
tribute his abundaut leisuro. Many
millions in railwuy and banking stooks
to turn dot-ire into gratification, wishes
iLto realization, nud permit not a
siuglo whim to go ungranted. A life
of princely opulouco and imporlal
power; a rose-scouted pathway of ma
terial buccess. Y"ou envy tho posses
sor of thoto buppiuoss-produoing pos
sessions, don't you? Well, you would
Letter not. Tbo strong man who
gloried in them was thrown from bis
enrriugo lust Friday and killed. If all
tho rocks wero crystals and tho Boas
puro gold they could not bring Austin
Corbiu buck to bis great bouses, hie
broad lauds and uncounted thousands.
A New York paper tolls of an inci
dent said to bavo occurred ou tbo
l'unnsylvania Eailroad, between tho
city aud Trenton. Near Trenton, thoro
is a wcll-kuowQ lunatic asylum. Tho
beroiuo of tho affair boarded the train
at Jersey City. I'reseutly a man en
tered the car, and aftor courteously
inquiring whether tho scat beside her
was taken, sat down iu it. Suddenly,
iu ordinary conversational tones, ho
turned to tho woman, and said : "In
a short timo wo shall reach Trenton,
aud you will get off thcro with mo.
Yen, I sea your ticket says tbut you'ro
to go to l'hiladolphiu, but you won't
reach thcro until I bavo first scoured
tbo money and jewelry that I sco you
bavo about you. It's no uso for you
to make tbo slightest outcry" which
outcry tho woman, of courso, made at
oueo, but tho mau was as good as bis
word, aud at every appeal sho made
to tho passengers uud couduclor, ba
cut bur short with a "Don't pay the
slightest attentlou to her, she's my
sister, uud she's suffering with a terri
ble hallucination us to her identity,
and mine, aud everything cho. I'm
tukiug her to tho iusauo asylum no-r
Treutou just as quickly as I can gel
her there. I bavo tbo wurruut rijht
here. Yuu needn't mind what she
uuje, as tho may becomo violent."
Whereupon, so tbo ttory goes, both
conductor uud passengers wero deaf to
the womun's appeals, aijd at Trenton
bbe was bustled into a closed carriage,
taken to a lonely wood, deuuded of
ber diamonds uud ducats, aud ut u !uUj
Lour returned to tho fetation.
FROM A WINDOW,
Thotido of lifo noes surging by,
With novor obb, nor lapse;
Tho restless foot, tho favored ovo,
' Keeklnft a vagiio Perhaps.
All ongorly on Import bout,
Of (rrood, of Joy, of pain.
Avo, hoodless snvo of ono Intent
Tkolr purpose to nttain.
No quiet nook, no cool rotroat,
No grnolous spring allures;
Ou, nvor oq, tho rushlnR foot
Tho pri7,o Ills who onduruB.
But thoy who full? Aliis for thoso.
Only tho Blrnitglo florce,
Tho hope?, tho fears, but no miens
From griefs that keenly ploreo.
Tho lln that rises o'er tho throng
Is donfenlng, nnd no rpecca
Can ehecr tho fnltorer n'ong,
'. ThoURh ho may oft brpcooll
Alono, 'nihl multitudes he move-",
Alono, 'mid crowds of men
A puppet In a puppet's proovoj,
Tho Why boyond our ken!
Dully I ecu this liurann stream
Passing, restless, on,
And of Its dostlny I dream
Its Import, lost or won?
Wo know not. Only this I know
Tbnt It shal find, at Inst,
Itnpcso, boyond tho reaoh of Woo,
Wultlior it trends so fyt.
As rivers flow, so must thoy eon so
In occaD, wldo nnd doop.
Tuolrturbuleneo baohmiRod to peace,
Tholrrestlussnoss to sloop,
tio this on-swooping, human tldo
Hhull ond Its oaxor quest,
Aud lonn Itself Iu ocean wide,
Aud from Its BtruKRlo rest.
OUvor W. nosers, In Boston Transcript.
THE TROUBLE ON BOARD
THE ATIIOL
QUAT, swarthy nnd
malignant, be paoed
tho quarter-dock in
the midd'o watch,
bis ono eyo shoot
ing liery glances nt
tho opaquo black
ness to windward,
at tbo canvas aloft,
at tho group of Bail
ors forward huddled
under thoBholterinpr
woathcr rail, and at
tbo b o 1 m s m a u,
braced against tho
wheel, and iuimov
nblo. lie paused
in bis walk,
"Euso her when
alio pitchos," ho
bellowed. Aud tho
y.J. helmsman answered
J-i-JsiS' and assumed life.
vj Ho resumed
his
walk and communings, his mind go
iug back to tbo fight in tbo slaver's
hold ten years ago. Again ho fought
that terrible duel with ebouth-kuivos.
Uo thrust, parried, dodged, advanced
and retreated, watchiug tho steely
blue of tho enemy's eye, fcoliug again
tho exhilaration of boiling blood, tu
initial tingling of tbo hair roots,
beard again tbo shouts, oaths and en
couragements of bis lawless ship-
mates, and onco moro buried bis knife
in Hillings shoulder and recoived tho
cut on bis cheek in return. Again
ho eucccodod and tho kuifo was trans
ferred from tho wounded right hand
to tho left. He had him now. lla
rushed and Billings slippod in hi
own blood. On to tbo prostrate form
Jio pounced one stroke would finish
Iilm; Billings bad dronpod his knifo
and ho bad raisod bis own. But it
cumo clown Blunting ; tbo stroke was
futilo. Tho wounded man had or.cir
idod bis neck ; his cheek was pressing
tho warm blood on his rnomy a rhirt.
and ho felt it now tho insertion of
tho thumb, tho smarting pnin and
blinding, burning sheet of Cro that
marked tho going out of bis left nyo
forover. And the strange weakness
which overcome bin and euablod Bill
ings to throw him to his feet and fol
low, and plant that pllu-driviug liet
blow that sent bim eo near to eternity,
And all over, a sick blackbird, too,
that Billings wautcd to nurse. Bill
ings might have killed him. it was
bis right. Yet---but ho bad gouged,
nud no mau who is a mau will do tbut.
Ho had said ho would even up, aud he
would. This 6bip, iu which ho was
chief mate would linith tho voyuge
ono man short.
It was iu tho zenith period of Amer
ican shipping, iu the days of short
mlzzen-masts, tingle top sails and
squnro sterns and squarer stern win
dows ; when tho American sailor was
American born, bis proudest title,
Ablo Seaman, yet, feeling within bim
tho potentiality of quarter-deck duty
quick to resent ill-treatment, tocou
Bpiro aud oven mutiny, JOtlicers car
ried arms iu those days, crews wero
trained to tho uso of currouades, pi
rates watched for aud slave trading
considered as a slight lapse from tbo
conventional a little out of duto und
stylo.
Of such description was tho Atbol
nnd her crew, outward bound from
New York on a summer voyago to Liv
erpool with Cuptnin Smith command
ing. George Euro chief mato und one
Johu Billiugs iu her forecastle.
Tbo ouptaiu appeared and joined tho
broodiug Hist olUccr.
"Well, Mr. Eirp, what do you tbiuk
of tbo crow?" bo askod. "Strikes we,
they'ro u proity good lot ; don't you
think boY"
"No, captain, I can't eco it. They're
tho worst gang of soldiers, farmera
aud beachcombers t ever saw together.
I'm going tu work them up ; they need
it."
Too otptain le.n-fho I. "Tuoro's on
mau who don't," bo said; "Billings,
tbo red-headed fellow in your watch.
I heurd of bimnbhore; came homo
mato with old Johnson iu tho Trado
Wind ; beeu mate iu that employ live
years uovv; would bavo goto out in
mm
w)
ml
m
command this timo, only ho had a bad
row with old Johnny, who got tho
owners down on him. My brothor
nsod to pmI with bim in the Blave
trade. Billings lias an rjngovernnblo
temper ; you will hovo to look out for
tbnt. llow the hlavo trado counts
against a man nowadays I Call mo if it
freshens."
Tbo mato was alono again, litis ac
cidental and unnecessary proposition
to work np tho mon, coupled with tbo
mention of Billing's hasty temper,
gnvo form to bis speculations. Bil
lings knew his placo and work too well
to ever put himself in tho way of pun
ishment, but, worked tip with tho
rest, ho would probably join thorn in
rebellion. Tbon, as ono of a mutinous
crew, bo oould bo disposed of. Ho
would roako suro of that.
Next day tbo working up becron. All
1 1 1 i. ? ii.
uuijoa were Kept ou ucc& la luo uiior'
noon. Unnecessary ropetition of or
dcrs, oaths, epithets aud insults fob
lowed tho crow as thoy hurried around
tno uock or worked in tUo riciiing.
Man after man was scut from tho
wheel until Billiugs took tbo helm
when even tho critical mind of the
mate could find no fault with the steer
ing. No matter how suddenly he ap
peared at tho binnaclo ho only found
tho ship on her courso exactly. And
Billings, though always respectful,
did not hesituto to occasionally 11 x the
calm, open bltto eyes on tbo scowling
viugo of tho mato in an expressionless
stare not too prolonged, yet enough
to crowd tbo evil heart into tho throat
and stifle tbo words of abuso bo longed
to utter. Thoro bud boou no furtber
recognition betwecu tho two,
At the end of a week tho exasperat
ed men wero ripo for mutiny and mur
der, which Billings's iuOuenco alono
prevented. One night as thoy hauled
and panted hko overladen horecs on
tbo forcbrace, and tbo mato stood
amidships pouring forth volleys of in
vectivo aud malediction, a marlinspiko
whizzed past his cur from tho dark
ness near tho fororigging and buried
itself an inch deep in tbo woodwork of
tbo cabin. Ho iircd bis pistol for
ward, but struck no ono. It was not
Billings who had -"Arrown it, 0.9 ho bad
hoped on tbo moment. Billings was
perched on tho rail looking forward.
Liut Billings was tbo one man thcro
who bad Been tho missilo thrown, nnd
in tho forcoustlo discussion which fol
lowed took a position against mob
methods, losing thereby bis ascend
ency over bis mates and only regain
iug it by knocking down tho marlin
spiko thrower and two otbor oppo
nents. "Jf tho timo comes," ho said, "when
wo will bo justiliod in the courts,
you'll find mo ready to put tho after
guard in irons aud ti.lie tho ship homo.
Mennwhilo l'vo no desire to hang or
go to prison. "
But Billings himself was not infalli
ble. Under tho outward semblance of
calm was tho hot resontmont of a Bolf
respecting man at tbo iusults, often
now, leveled at bim directly. As the
captain bad tcstillod, bis failures m
life bad all been duo to busty action,
nud for tho sake of tho littlo wife and
babies at home ho had begun agnin at
tho bottom, resolved to sutler aud sub
mit until be could rise above the need
for it. Tho mate's porslutcnt persecu
tion slowly nndcrmiuod this resolution,
aud ono night ho gavo way.
Sitting astrido tho extreme end of
the main topsail yard ; passing and
heaving out tho weather reef-oaring,
wbilo bis follows ou tbofootropo liftod
tho sail out to him, ho listened with
bursting heart to tho copious flow of
impersonal abuso which tho stridout
voice of tho mato carried np to them.
And when bis namo was called, cou
pled with a fou' epithet, tho darkness
of tho night turned red. All details
of spar, rigging aud dock, and tho
forms of bis shipmates wero swullowod
in tho crimson background. Ho saw
nothing but the form uud uplifted face
of tbo mate, nearly beneath him.
Tbo beaver iu bis band swung above
his bead aud whirling downward,
struck tho deck at tho mute's feet and
bouudod high iu air over tho lco rail.
Thou, tho vicious bark of a pistol was
beard and a dim gray cloud of smoke
followed tho heaver to leeward.
Shot from a yardarm. How many
times has this happened iu tbo early
duvs of tbo century.
Billings rolled baokward and with
limbs extended ztruight aud etiu,
turned slowly over as bo fell and dis
appeared in tho water, feet Hist, cIoko
to tho side of tho ship eloso enough
to bo saved by a ropo bad bo uppoarod
and ono been tbrowu.
Butting bis smoking pistol in bis
pocket, Mr. Earp cut short tbo chuckle
iu bis throat to rour out : "Beef that
sail ; finish that lob, you lubbers." As
they wero uuytbing but lubbers thoy
llui bed it Of wbut need to descrlbo
the inuuity which followed. A can
tain, two mates and a steward, armed
with shotguns, and helped by a car
pentcr with a formidable broudux,
can, as a rule, quell auy mutinous up
rising of unarmed sailors that may oo
our. This is what buppouud, and with
tbreo wounded mon in tbo lorocastli
tlisoipliuo was restored. But a stormy
tllseUNHiou took place iu tho cabin bo
tween Captain Smith uud tho Drst of-
tieer, fragments of which reached tho
ears of tuo man at tho wheel and the
working up oenscd.
About 10 o'clock on a calm, sultry
cveniug, nbout a week ufter, tbo first
ollicer und tho steward descended,
with a lantern, to discover tho where
alAmts of certaiu cabin stores which
the former hud stowed in port.
"I put them here," said Ibo mate,
"close up to tho cabin trunk ; you
must have broken thorn out.
"JNo. lou uuow, J vo giveu you
plot bread so far ut tbo table; uud it's
only to-duy that tho captuiu i.sl.ed lor
soda biscuit ; I haven't tcon them,
thoili;h I kucw wo had them.
"Bet's look uloug tbo wing for
ward."
Tho mato wout aueud with the
lantern. At tho extreme forward
corner of tho liulf-Jcck, bin uu.l'T jaw
dropped, big hair etiffenod and his
lantern fell from his nervoloss fingers
nnd went ont. For, as tho oirolo of
light illumined tho bulkhead, a tall,
pray figure had arisen to full height,
tho palo faco snrruonutod by a shaggy
orop of rod nnir, tbo xorobond crossou
by a long, rod mark tho figure ana
faco of the murdered Billings.
With a squawk of terror, tho stow
ard fled, and the moto followed. Up
tbo ladder they bounded, tho stownrd
turning aft, the mato forward. Tho
latter looked back ! tbo palo, scarrod
face was just appearing abovo the
hatch, rossessod by blind, unreason
ing fear, bo bounded down to tho
main deck and lookod again, The tall
figuro waa coming giant-liko in tho
darkness noiseless aud gray. With a
gasping gurglo, that only by effort ho
raised to a Boream, ho ran on, Tho
crow bow, nnd scattered to tho other
sido of tho deck. Forward, oronud
tho foro hatch, wont tbo mate nnd tho
silent gray pursuer. Aft on the other
sido disporsing the crew agnin ; up
tho steps to tho poop, around tbo
cabin tho mato nttcriug hoarse, jerky
screams and the torrible thing keeping
up tho steady, noiseless pursuit, but a
fathom behind. Tho captain, aroused
by tho stoword, nppenred only to
shrink baott out of the way as tho pair
i it.- i .1 i.' .1 . 1, ,
JIUfcBUU VUU eUUlil UUUI. iUlKUU .""J
wont again. Tho mato, ovldontly
growing weaker, stumbled, fell, aroso,
and wont on ; tho figuro pausing, only
to rcsumo the pursuit.
Forward aft forward again the
mato fulliug at intervals, tbo grey No-
mosis ulways waiting always main
tains an oven bis feet bonind, tbo
frightful raco went on, until tho ter
rorized first officer mounted tho fore
cantlo deok, and with a last agonizod
shriek ringing in tho ears of tho oth
ers until tho wator out it Bhort. I no
gray apparition followed. Neither
was scon again.
There was a dearth of soda bisouits
on tbo cabin tablo uutil tho ship was
docked at Liverpool. Not a man
aboard would ontcrtbo half deck night
or day.
As Lop tain bantu carao down tbo
edgo of the quay lute ono night, he
saw ono of tho Athol s stern windows
opcu. This was btrange ; it should bo
shut. A whito face appSiied-in it,
then a grny form whiob slowly, and
with great effort, climbed down the
rudder pendnnts, lookod np to tno
transom, and slipped into the wator.
"That's our ghost," muttered the
captain, "but ghosts don't need to
olimb or swim. It's Billings." Ho
ran olosor ; tho ghost was iu trouble.
"That you, Billings? Come in ; I'll
help you out."
"Help! I'm drowning," gurglod tbo
swimmer, unptuin smitu nurrieuiy
removed tho gangway ladder and drop
ping it over, assisted tho exhausted
man to safety. It was Billiugs iu gray
undcrclothos aud stockings.
"Now, Billings," said ho to tho pros
trate man, "by all reason aud logic,
you 6hould bo half way to tho bottom,
1000 milos out, witu a bullet turougu
your bead. now is it mac you ar
climbing out of my stern windows to
night?
"Because 1 wont with thorn, captain.
Tho mute's bullet glanced, but it
knockod mo off the rod audi wont un
der tho bottom. When I camo up 1
was under the quarter aud hung cu to
tho ruddur pondants, fouud a window
loose enough to. open aud got in. I
was stronger then I bisouits and tank
water weaken a man. I'vo beeu iu tho
half deck since."
"Except when you plnyed ghost ; bo
that's wbero our biscuits wont."
"I didu't moan to drown tho mate,
captain, 1 thought tho jig was up
when ho fouud mo, and 1 wauled one
good kuook-dowu before I wout in
irons ; then I saw bow scared he was
and kept it up, but I never saw bim
after I struck tho water or I would
have helped bim. I knew he couldn't
swim ; wo'vo been shipmates before1
Tbon I caught the rudder again aud
climbed in." ';
"Billings, my brother is in port,
and I've just loft bim. Ho told mo:
about tho troublo you bud with Earp
somo timo ago. Come aboard and get
something to eat."
Johu Billiugs went home chief mato
o! tho Atbol. Atlanta Constitution.
I'nlquo Traveling Regulations.
An American who was travoliug in
tho hills of Scotland paid ten dollars
for a llrst-oluss ticket for a stao
coach ride over tho mountains. Soou
aftor the start bo noticed tbut a mau
who hud a Hcooud-class ticket, which
cost fivo dollars and soveral who had
third-class tiokcts, prico two dollars
aud a half, wore enjoying as good
Bents and uppareutly as many privi
leges as ho ,wus, Tho American con
cluded thut tho canny Scotsman bud
gotten tho better of bim, but decided
to hold bis peace and pay for tbo ex
perience. When tho end of tho jour
ney was reached, at evening, however,
tho traveler had changed his mind ; he
fult thut bo bad hud his money's worth.
For every time thut duy wheu tbo
couch camo to tbo foot of a steep bill
the horses were stopped, and the driver
culled out, "First-cluts passengers,
keep your seats; tccoud-clusn pasM?n
gore, get out and walk; third-class;
passengers, get out aud push !" And
they ull did. every time Hurper's
Bound Table.
l'ostoflleo Free Libraries.
A Weuteru philanthropist who is iu
(oruhtod iu establishing freo traveling
libraries iu tho country where ho lives
found that mauy places, especially "iu
umull hamlets' und iu isolated farm
ing commuuiliet'.tho po. tmastiTS woro
willing to tuko chuvgo of uud distri
bute tbo books without extra pay, und
also thut wbero there were uo reading
rooms tho postulllco was tho mobt con
venient center for tho placing of such
a library, so thut it would bo sure to
get into tho homes iu tho neighbor
hood. Wtubiugtuu btur.
THE MERRY SIDE 01? LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARK TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF TUB PRESS. -
Tho Problem of Ml"c Defined -Doubtless
Tho Cyclist's lAist
Wlr.li-lipfiiscd, Kfc, i:tc.
Tho Jewel OtltliVe3 t tin pi'lt In j",
And llkowiso doestho hen;
Tho bnekwho.it enko of tho morning
Will nver rls ) naln.
Tho can outlasts tho lobster,
Tho flout outlives the can
Ton can't bo behind in tbo proeessloa
And still bo In tho van.
You can't keep a horse and wagou
While bvinxiu u Hat;
Oh, mnny n this year's enput
Is in n Inst year's hat.
A (rood pair of cowhide upper
Two sets of solos will outlast;
Ifou can't with n comb of the present
Part tho front hair of tho (Mist.
But hero's iho question thai pu.;:li d
mv soul
And Mils it with wild dlsnsler:
Dews tho porous plaster oullivo Ilia
bolo -
Or tbo bolo tho porous r.laster?
liuffulo lixpres.Si
DEFINKD.
"Undo Bob, what is a pedestrian?"
"Why, bo's tho follow who makes a
row when a bicycle runs over him."
Omaha Bee.
DOUIiTLKSS.
Doctor "Tho matter with you in
that you want to bo out more."
l'utlont "I'll bo out enough when
I get your bill, doctor."
A FAIR AORtEMF.NT.
"Look hero, Bawl BariitRB, I'vo a
proposition to make."
"What is it, Noopop.3?"
"You stop talking about your bioy
clo and I'll not say another word
about my smart baby." Truth,
TIIB CICIjIST'8 LAST WISH.
"Poor Dick is gono ! Ho was a de
Voted cyclist, wasn't bo?"
"Yes, indeed 1 Ho loft a will stat
ing that ho was to bo cremated and
used to help out on our new ciudor
path." Louisvillo Courier-Journal.
HEFUKED.
"Er that autobiography of mine,"
Said tho author, "you ' co.iidu't givo
mo somotbing on it in advance, could
you?"
"Not on your lifo 1" said tbo heart
less publisher. Cincinnati Enquirer.
WARNED.
go to-day
"Can I
mamma?"
and bathe,
"Don't bother mo."
"But, can I?"
"Well, yos, then. But if you go
and get drowned, don't venturo to
como and show mo your faco again."
Sketch.
COnNERINOS A WITNES'J.
Lawyer Quick "That settles i.
Frioud Slick, take the witness."
"Lawyor Slick "Your honor, I neo
the impression that thin plaiutilFs tes
timony has mudo, but I challenge itu
truth, your houor, and I bolieve thut
I have but to put ouo question to
provo tho forco of my challenge. T
hovo hero, Bubpo'mnd as witnesses iu
in robuttal, twolvo iutiranto friends of
tho plnintiif, each of whom has known
him for years, and whoso tcstimouy I
may or may not bo obligod to offer.
"Now, sir (turning to tho witness),
you bavo testified that your namo is
Walton and that you are au export
onglor what wus tbo length of tho
largest fish you over enught?"
Witness (feebly) "I bog to with
draw tbo oompluiut."
tub iiest Auviei;.
Tho man in tho bicyclo euit laughed
heartily.
"Very fnnny," ho said.
"What?"nskcd tho muu with a largo
Boction of skin gono from his nose
"Why.thcse 'Dou'ts' for bicyclist",''
replied the man iu the liicyclo suit.
"Lot's see them," said the mau who
was short of skin.
Tho man in the bicyclo cuit handed
him tho paper.
"The bust ouo isn't there," said tho
mon with tbo fantastic nose, shortly.
"If it was, tho rost wouldn't bo uoces
eary." "What do you consider tho best
ono?" askod tbo man with tbo bicycle
suit.
"Don't rido," auswerod tbo man
whose nose stood iu need of grafting,
aud tbon ho carefully put a large piece
of court plaster wbero it would do th
most good. Chiougo Fust,
now IT BTATtTED.
Finkcy "How lovely! I sco you
bavo ouo of thoso splendid new None
such bikes,"
"Ethel "Yes, isn't it dear? What
make do you ride?"
I'iukey "Ob, I rido a Soorchoui."
Ethel "They're uiugniticout."
l'inkov "Ves, bo ligbt aud dur
able." Ethol "How much does your wbcul
weigh?"
Finkoy "Twenty-two pounds.""
Ethel "Twenty-two pouuds? Why,
miuo only weighs twenty-one."
I'iukey "But thou yours, you
knew, is not so durable."
Ethel "The Nonesuch not durublu?
Why. thut is udiuiltod by every one"
I'iukey "Nonsense I A fiiuud of
miuo bought one, aud it weut to pieces
iu a mouth."
Ethol "I don't believe it."
Finkoy "Wbut? You don't believe
mo."
Ethel "No, I don't. Ono None
such will oulust a dozon Scorcbeius,
They'ro tbo worst looking raUlctrup
I over luid eyes ou."
I'iukey (furiously) "You'ro a hor
rid, contemptible thing, uud I bopo
you'll never" speuk to mo aguin I"
Etho? (eoirplueeutly) "Don't
worry, 1' wouldn't compromise myself
by speaking to uuy ouo why rude
Scorebem.1 ,
Kt'lEMinC AMI 1SDUSTUIAU
Bnmio cloth is usod as machino
belting.
A psychological laboratory is 'io bo
established in tho Uuivcrtity of Cali
fornia. TrofcBsor Wiggins says tbnt tho
cloctrio wires which ro strung over
head are tho causes of tornadoes.
A balloon sent up from Paris at
tained a height of 15,000 metros, or
about niuo and a half miles, beforo it
camo down near Cambrat.
Tbo telopbono ear bus developed it
self. It is a groater Bousitivonoss of
the left oar from much using of tbo
telopbono roceiver with it.
Tho graduates of tbo Atlanta (Go.)
University nro to muko an inquiry in
to tho causes of tho excessivo mor
tality among colored peoplo in oitioF.
A Bussian medical mau has noticed
that tho human oyo naturally winks
thrco our four times less often when
reading by olectricity light than when
a condlo is used.
Profossor Hebra, of Vienna, assotis
tbnt tbo sun does not produco freckles.
Thoy novnr appear, ho says, iu chil
dren under tho ago of six or eight
years, whether cxposod to tho suu or
not.
The Italian professor, Angelo Colli,
declared at the international congress
of hygiene, iu London, tbnt Italy was
centuries behind the English etaudnrd
iu all that safeguards tbo public
health.
, It is stated that the workers in tho
acid rooms of tbo sulphide pulp works
soon notice that their beards and hair
becomes very black, and remaiu bo
for several weeks. At tho same timo
they are apt to becomo bald.
An aouto musicol eur will detect so
Blight a difference in tono botween
two cotes as the ono-sixth of a semi
tone. This means that in tho eleven
octaves thut tho human oar compasses
thoro would bo at least somo 8000 or
9000 consciously different uotos.
Tbo owl bus no motion in tho oyo,
the globe of whiob is immovably fixed
in its socket by a strong, elastic, bard,
cartilaginous caso; but, in order to
compensate for tbo absence of motion
iu tne oyo, the owl is ablo to turn ita
head round in afmdst a circle without
moving its body.
The physician aud bygionist Sir
H. W. Biohardson roccntly expressed
bis decided opinion that if men aud
womon in general proporly under
stood and steadily obeyed tbo laws of
thoir being pbysioal, intellectual aud
moral seventy per cout. of them
would live to 110.
Sir John Lubbock tnys that tho
housefly, which produces tho sound
F, vibrates its wings 20,100 times a
minute, or 335 a second ; aud tho bee,
which makes tho sound of A ns mauy
as 20,000, or over 430 a socoud. Ou
tho coutrury, a tired bee bums ou E,
and vibratos its wings only 1)00 times
a minute.
An Ape's Strateiry lor a Meal.
In tho Transvaal somo of tbo fruit
gardens are much exposed to tbo rav
ages of largo synoceplinlio apes, aud a
good guard has to be kept, or tho re
sults of long labor would bo lost. Iu
somo of thoso gardens grow certain
shrubs which uro much all'cctod by
wasps, tbo insects liking to attach
thcroto their nest?. Thoso wasps,
though small, bavo a very venomous
sting. Baboons have ofteu been no
ticed eyeing with envious glances tho
fust ripouing fruit in oue certaiu gar
den, but fearod to gather for fear of
attracting tho assaults of wasps. Ouo
morning the farmer heard terrible
crios, and with the aid of a good field
glass ho witucssed tho following
tragedy ; A large, venerable baboon,
chief of tho baud, was catching the
younger apes aud pitching them into
tho shrubs whereon bung tbo wasps'
uosts. This bo repeated aguiu uud
again, in spito of tho most piteous
cries from his victims. Of course tho
wasps asm mod the defeusive iu swarms.
During this part of tho performance
the old brute quietly fed ou tbo fruit,
deigning occasionally to throw frag
mentary romuius to eomo female uud
young baboons a littlo further off.
Westminster Budget.
Tho King taliloniia Have l'lcrt-e,
Ono of tbo most curious us well as
most valuable of Americuu rings wai
presented to President Pieroo iu 1MV2
by tho citizens of Culiforuia. It is of
massive gold, weighing upward of u
pouud; tho circular portion is cut
into squares, which ure eiubclisbed
with beautifully executed designs, tho
entire group presenting a pictorial
history of Culilorum. Tbo seal of tho
ring is reully a lid, which swings upou
a bing, uud is covered with the unus
of tbo Stute of California, siirui juutcd
by tho Stars uud Stripes. Underneath
is a squure box divided by bars of
gold into uiiiesepurute compartments,
each containing a pure specimen of
the varieties of ore found iu tho coun
try. On tho inside is tho following
inscription: "Presented to Franklin
Pierce, tho fourteenth President of
Uuited States."
I'st's for Ozone.
Ozone is becoming uu important
industrial agent. It artificially uges
liquor, removes theelb-ctof oily beuus
iu oolVoo and improve-) tobacco. In
its late implication to tbo rapid sea
soning of wood for soiiudmg hoards
uud musical instruments it increases
the resistance of tnojwood to temper
ature uud moisture uud adds to its
ucoustiu qualities. It thickens linseed
oil for linoleum iu a few days, whero
ua tho old method of oxidation oltcu
took severul months. It bleuebe.i
hueu iu less thuu a third of tho jtiim
required by sunlight. It is ulso val
uable iu chemical uud technical pro
cesses, especially iu purifyiug starch
derivatives from uudcttirublo color,
odor uud tuotu.
A SUMMER SHOWER,
A dnep'nliiR veil obseureq tho blue,
A low murmur 'senpi-stho trees,
And dead leaves from soiuollfeless bough
Innee merrily In tho breeze.
Tho plaintive ery of timid bird.
As swiftly homeward ns they soar,
l.e-ei-hoeil from afar Is heard,
Amidst the noise uf heaven's roar.
At last the misty curtains creep
And o'er the woodland's verdant Rrcou,
Liko haunted visions slowly swwp,
T.oavlni earth resplendent seen.
Oh! joyous wood! Oh! happy shower!
What bliss to life thy visits brliiK.
Tliy touch Is mn,'ie to tho flower,
liorno on fairy wing.
jiijmok or Tin: i.vr:
Never writo lead pencil couiinonUln ' .
i 1 1 1. Tl, .' ...1. ' VV" i
thorn out. Uso ink. Life.
We may bo led into temptation tho
first time, but after that wo cm gen
erally find our own wny. Lifo.
She "They must bavo quarreled J:
yesterday.' Ho "What makes you w -', '
.think so?" She "lie's so attentive , .
now." Chicago Becord. '
A man never realizes how insignifi
cant ho is until ho attempts to do- .
Bcribo to bis wife tbo dress worn by
another lady. Texas Sifter.
Mr. Willis "It takes lots of money
tu send you to tbo seaside every Bum
mer." Mrs. Willis "Yes? What a
blessing you must think mouoy isl"
"Johnny I" said tbo nervoue mother,
"I want you to dry up right this min
ute 1" "I can't," wailed Johnuy.
"Bill jiiBt soaked mo." Iudianopolis
Journal.
Sho "Thoy nny ho mnrried Mies
Wrinkles for hor mouoy. Huh she got
much?" Ho "Sho must have lots of
it. Have you never scon her?" Uur
leta Life.
"But, waiter, if this is n spring
chicken, whore is its wishbone?"
Wuitor (oquul to tho occasion) "It
was too young to wish, sir." Detroit
Freo Presj.
no (onrnostlv) "Am 1 tho first man
you ever kissed?" She "Of courso
you nro. How stupid men nrel I
DeVCT knew ono who didn't ask that."
Now York HeraldT-
"Deblor's poster didu't wiu A prize J'
"No; ho forgot to paint iu tho cus- " ""
tomary girl aud tho judges hud noth
iug to divert thorn from criticising his
work." Chicago Becord.
"Uau you givo mo cuango lor nvo
dollar?" iuquirod the usually iuipe
cuuions frioud. "Certainly," was tho
unguarded answer. "Then loud mo
three." Washington Star.
Lawyer "Do you tbiuk that you
nro capable of tilling tho position,
young man?" Boy "Capable I Why,
my last boss said I know more than ho
did. That is why I had to leave."
Vanity.
Aunt "Why did you staro nt that
goutlemau so rudely, Ethel?" Littlo
Ethel "Ob, he's a drellul man; ho
never goes to church or nothing. I
heard father say ho was nu acrostic."
Judy.
Howland "I understand Scorcher
nnd his wife have quarreled nud sepa
rated." Davis "Ves; ho precipitated
ull airs by tolling ber sho couldn't rido
a wheel half us well as bis mother
did." Philadelphia North Americuu.
Millie "'It looks as though tho
bicyclo would drive the horse out of
existence." Loavitt "Not a bit of
it. Tho moro bicycles thoro aro tho
moro thoy will uoed horses." Millie
"What for?" Iiouvilt-"Ambubiuees."
New York Herald.
Mr. Hoy Tolloy (extending bin
baud) "llowdy do; don't you re
member mo lloy Folloy." Mr. Haul- ,
ton -"Ob or, yes Polloy nuusuul
name that stuck ; but your fueo in
such u common ouo it really escaped
me, you know." Hurlom Life.
Tramp "Madam, do you eponk
French?" Lady of tho Houno (sus
piciously) "No." "Do you speuk
German?" "No; what do you"
"Then, uiadam, I fear that I shall
bavo to Uhk you for something to cut
iu plain Eiiglinh." Chicago Becord.
A Neighborly iievouKo: "Isn't
Mrs. Juivis an agreeable neighbor?"
"No ; she's horrid. I gavo a luncheon
uud didn't invito her und tho menu
creatine loaned mo a lot of spoons
and forks und then sent ber littlo boy
over ufter them when wo were only iu
the seeoud course." Chicago Becord.
Tho mendicant stood bei"oretho way
farer with outstretched bauds.
"Please, nir, ' bo said, "1 buvo seen
l etter days." "Well, that's no uffuir
of mine,'' sui.l tho wuyfur-r. "Muko
your complaint to tho cleik of tho
weather if you don't like this kind of
u duy." Tit-Bit.
tYliat lie I'oiiiul Aui.uig Mis Out Sod.?.
Book ( t your seed. Oue of tho
e:iti tpriiiiiig farmers in tho towu of
Piiri'i recently bought i;oiuo "spooiully
puro" V.'e.-tei ii seed oat ). They woro
to full of i'orcl;,!! mat, rial that bo hail
io pick them over. From ouo pouud
ii,.r.i is w'i.ift. b.t o-.it. In-sided iie.ts: . ...
J 15J grains of barley, llSt, ruiueof
rye nu 1 wh at, 11(10 i-ruinsof iuu:;.ard
iced, pr.iiuo of tlai.eed, 1 thistlo
beads, lillccu other kinds of aoodn
which be eauuot fame, the numberu of
tho dilfereiit kin. Is belie; itvpec lively
ha'., .17, 7-1. IU, l-', B1. 'J, 1. 3, und
live of I each, a:id u qu-iulily of chuff
biraw, etc. Augustu (Ale.) Journal.
icil'cto Wux. (
I'alei'l'ill.ir '1 liul Sci
It bus been found that certain cater
pillars secrete w ii. Thus tho celU o
u leaf pine Tot lrx formed of resiu nro
lined witii wu, u: on dissolving uwuy
(lie I'-eu with alcohol, Dr. Kuugg
foind u slight film of wax; ulso
i-icivtiou of v.ux has beeu detected iu
tho larva of a luitexly.
i